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tampered2006-10-02 08:33 pm
hyuuga-hime.livejournal.com) wrote in tampered2006-10-02 08:33 pm
Log: Complete
When; October 1, sunset.
Rating; G, maybe PG
Characters; Hyuuga Hinata
Summary; Hinata trains herself in solitude, and thinks back over the last few weeks as she watches the sunset.
Log; The dark-haired girl slumped, one hand pressed against the wall in an effort to steady herself. Clad in only a thin shirt and a pair of black pants, she stood with arm outstretched against the side of the concrete structure and head bowed as she gasped for breath, sweat dripping off of her small frame. As she raised her head, cheeks reddened from her exertions, she took a gulp of air, raising one shaky hand to wipe across her brow, mussing sweaty bangs. With a sigh, she let her hand drop from the bricks, turning to lean her back against the cool stone.
Still not enough...I need more control. More focus...I HAVE the chakra, I just can't control it...
She raised a hand in front of her face, studying the ridges of fingerprints, the creases of her palm, the shape of fingers. She narrowed her eyes, concentrating as she bit her lip. The chakra surged, blue glow melting almost instantly into silvery-white flames. She watched the flames for a moment, then gritted her teeth, concentrating harder, feeling the chakra mold and compact, mind and senses following the flow of the energy as she shaped it and twisted it to her will. The flames flickered, then began to brighten, shrinking from an appearance like a war-torn pennant and growing more compact, more defined. She bit her lip hard, ignoring the sting as teeth broke through tender skin, mind focused on only the task at hand.
More...I need more...this ISN'T enough to undo it...
With a crackling pop, the flames surged, then vanished. She dropped to her knees on the cold concrete, chest heaving as she gasped for breath. Her hand spasmed, abused muscles and battered chakra system protesting the illness of the treatment they had received for the last 6 hours. She raised one shaking hand and tried to draw it into a fist, a slight whimper escaping her lips as overused muscles cramped, refusing to cooperate. With a sigh, she sat back, resting her weary body against the wall.
Will I never be able to gain enough control for this? Am I...destined to fail?
She frowned, leaning her head back against the wall. No. She would NOT fail. Not in this. Hinata may have been willing to accept failure on other things, but this was something else. This was too important.
Neji-kun...I won't fail. I'll find a way to set you free from that cage the Hyuuga built around you. I want to see you fly, like you were always meant to..
The Hyuuga scion let a small smile grace her features as she stared out over the city. There weren't many secluded parks or anything that she'd been able to find, and she she had elected to train on the roof of one of the high-rise buildings that speckled the landscape. Now the sun was setting, casting a radiant orange glow across the world and staining the sky crimson with it's light. She felt her eyelids drift closed, allowing herself to bask in the warming rays for a moment as her mind also drifted, touching back over events since past.
I wonder if the sun is setting this way in Konoha?
For perhaps the first time since her arrival in the City, the girl who sat on the top of the tower allowed herself to think back on what she'd left behind. Konoha. Her home, the home of her clan, the birthplace she had known since childhood. The ONLY home she'd ever known. And now, here she was, so much farther from everything that she'd loved and known. And yet...she wasn't homesick. She smiled slightly, brushing a stray strand of damp indigo hair from her eyes. No, she wasn't lacking a sense of loss because she didn't miss her home. She did miss it, in fact. She missed a lot about the village. She missed the trees, and the sound of the windchimes outside her bedroom window, and the other genin. Especially her team.
Shino-kun...Kiba-kun..Akamaru...Kurenai-sensei...are you all doing alright without me? Does it...really matter that I'm gone? I was never of much use to you, afterall.
Despite the numerous times that her sensei and her teammates had reassured her, nigh argued with her that it wasn't true, the petite kunoichi could never quite shake the feeling of uselessness that seemed to permeate her being whenever Team 8 took a mission. She remembered it from her younger days, her father telling her to stay out of the way and not ruin the mission. Neji snirking contemptuously at her tremulous assertions that she would change her fate. Kiba and Shino's denials of the trouble they'd just gone through to yank her out of some predicament or another that she'd gotten herself into. And it never seemed to end. Even here, it seemed, she was plagued with the feeling of helplessness. She watched a swath of salmon-hued froth drift across the searing red ball as it sank lower into the sky, alabaster-white eyes hardening slightly. No, she would not be helpless anymore. HERE, things were different. HERE, there was no Hyuuga clan to belittle her and remind her why she was a failure as their heir. HERE, there was no Shino or Kiba or Kurenai-sensei to bail her out of trouble when she messed up. Here, she was on her own.
Well....not entirely on her own...
Her wandering train of thoughts took her mentality around in circles, diverting away from thoughts of her team and towards thoughts of the reason she wasn't alone in this new place.
Neji-kun....I..if you weren't here, I don't think....no, I KNOW I wouldn't have the will to do this...not without you...
She frowned at thoughts of her cousin. No, she didn't feel right just referring to him that way. But what WAS he to her? Hinata sighed, drawing her legs slowly up to her chest, wincing as the motion stretched muscles that had reached their limit some time ago. She knew what she wanted him to be to her, but what was he, really? A cousin? A relative? A friend? A lover? She felt her cheeks heat up at the last thought, and not from any sort of embarassment. No, it was remembrance that brought the blood rushing to her cheeks. She sighed at the thought, though it was a sigh that carried more weight, the slightly whistful tone that the memories brought being overshadowed by other memories. She dropped her chin to her knees, allowing herself to relive the things coursing through her mind.
Neji-kun....I wish things could always be that way...
Though she would scarce have believed it possible when she first arrived at the city had someone told her it would occur, the fact that she now could categorize Hyuuga Neji by ALL of those titles still seemed something nearly beyond belief. But believe it she had to. Afterall, it had been because of her that it did happen. Because of her wish that she'd made in passing that day, she had awoken to a Neji who looked at her not with loathing or enmity, but with a love that rivaled the deep-seated affection she had secretly held for him for so long.
Do you think about it, Neji-kun? Do you remember what it was like to put aside that hatred and just BE ourselves?
That day had been, in a word, magical to her. She smiled softly at the thought, clutching one clenched fist against her chest as if by doing so she could hold the memories closer. The Neji she knew, the Neji who treated her so coldly and with such animosity, had melted away with the melting of his juuin, into the Neji she had always believed rested within the recesses of his soul. The Neji who hadn't forgotten what happiness was, or how to laugh and smile. The Neji who knew how to love. He'd wanted for the two of them and Tenten to go out, but the other kunoichi had declined, citing already-made plans as an impediment. So Neji had simply taken her out. That day, so many of Hinata's dreams had come true, so many wishes fulfilled by that pair of laughing opal eyes that watched her with such uncharacteristic warmth. They had explored the city together, Neji pointing out places she had never seen, teaching her things she'd never known he knew. They had sat on a park bench and watched a sunset like this one while he held her and whispered words of love and tenderness in her ears. She had nearly swooned when he'd turned her face towards him and spoken of how she'd filled his dark world with light and then had kissed her. And even then, the fantasy hasn't ended. No, it had simply risen to a crescendo as the magical day had culminated in a night spent in his arms. And she'd learned the fire of his touch, and the heat of his kiss. She'd seen the stars explode in her eyes and watched as all of his collectedness and control melted away at the height of passion as he lost himself in her the same way she lost herself in him. She'd seen everything, seen bare to the depths of his soul in a way that she'd only ever dreamed about; felt him as he seared his mark into her and claimed her for his own as surely as if he'd branded her; heard him as he'd surrendered to the night and to her embrace. She knew him now, as surely as she knew that he would be the first and only one to ever hold her that way.
But...in a way, it was still all just a dream. Wasn't it?
She raised her head, watching the darkening sky as the clouds shifted from the blush-toned hues to deep pink and lavender as the sun struck the horizon. It HAD been magical, at least on his part. And she had awoken to the crunch of breaking glass, sat up in his bed to the sight of his fist planted in the broken shards of the mirror, blood dripping slowly down the polished pieces. Her soft-spoken words of comfort had fallen on deaf ears as he'd turned on her, anger and hurt at finding the seal once-again emblazoned on his forehead stamping it's mark of blame on her. The Soke. The only one in this city with the power to rethread the curse. He'd grabbed her arm, yanking her halfway to her feet as his anger thundered at her. When she'd failed to say anything, he'd struck her hard across the face, demanding to know why she'd thought fit to use him as she chose before breaking his wings again. She'd huddled at the foot of the bed, sobbing in a pile of white sheets, as he'd coldly told her to leave. And leave she had. She'd run from him, run from the way her heart had shattered as the reality finally set in.
You never wanted it to happen...and I took advantage of that fact, whether I meant to or not. I..I just wanted to make you happy...I guess I'm not very good at that, am I?
It had been over a week before he'd spoken to her again, and when he did, it was as if that night had never happened. And in a way, that had been the hardest thing for her to deal with. But she'd recovered, thanks to Shizune-sensei and Tenten's friendship and support. She heaved a sigh as the last rays of the crimson sphere finally dipped below the horizon, the honey-casted light fading from the buildings as night began her descent. It wasn't meant to be. A single indiscretion, an indefinable and unobtainable dream that should have ended there. But it hadn't...
Neji-kun, why? I...I don't understand. I know you wanted to forget that it happened, to go on living as if nothing changed. So why did you seek me out that day? Even if it was the curse, it only took away that which held us back. It couldn't create emotions, only give them a catalyst. So why did you do it? Does that mean that maybe...there is some part of you that thinks of me in a kinder way?
It was the last three days that had broken the dam. She'd woken up that first morning as a boy, something so unexpected and traumatic that she had spent much of the day holed up beneath the kitchen sink in hopes that she could wait out the curse. But Neji had found her. Found her and coaxed her out of her hiding place with a surprising kindness and understanding. So perhaps it was only natural that when she woke up the next morning with a loss of inhibitions, she sought out the one person who's company she likely should have avoided. She hadn't expected the way her emotions had boiled over when she found him, but the more surprising thing had been the way that he responded. Not as an unwilling victim, but rather as a drowning man worships an oasis. And she had found herself once again locked in the power of Neji's touch. But this time had been different. While the same emotions were there as before, they were overshadowed by something stronger, something richer and sultrier. Lust, want, need. And she had found herself overwhelmed and carried along by the sheer force of the need in his touch and had simply submitted willingly to the desire that fanned the flames, relishing in the feel of his arms around her, her nails digging into his back, the sound of his muffled moans in her ears. She had awoken to an empty bed, though that fact had been lost on her until the next day due to her status as a 4-year old child. And once again, Neji had been there, to take care of her child-self with the same care that he took care of her when they were both children.
She sighed, relaxing her arms and pushing herself away from the wall. She stared out over the horizon, watching as the last tint of pink faded from the darkened sky and couting the stars as the faint pinpricks of light emerged one at a time to join the moon as it hung in the deep purple velvet of the night. Turning around, she picked up the discarded scroll and rolled it up, slipping it into her pocket and reaching out one hand to trace fingertips along the green lines burned into the wall, calloused hands redrawing the loathsome lines that formed the juuin.
I WILL set you free, Neji-kun...no matter how long it takes...
With a quick set of handseals, she wiped one hand across the mark, the genjutsu erasing it as though it had never been there. Satisfied, she nodded and headed to the stairwell. Pulling open the door, she slipped back inside and headed home.
Rating; G, maybe PG
Characters; Hyuuga Hinata
Summary; Hinata trains herself in solitude, and thinks back over the last few weeks as she watches the sunset.
Log; The dark-haired girl slumped, one hand pressed against the wall in an effort to steady herself. Clad in only a thin shirt and a pair of black pants, she stood with arm outstretched against the side of the concrete structure and head bowed as she gasped for breath, sweat dripping off of her small frame. As she raised her head, cheeks reddened from her exertions, she took a gulp of air, raising one shaky hand to wipe across her brow, mussing sweaty bangs. With a sigh, she let her hand drop from the bricks, turning to lean her back against the cool stone.
Still not enough...I need more control. More focus...I HAVE the chakra, I just can't control it...
She raised a hand in front of her face, studying the ridges of fingerprints, the creases of her palm, the shape of fingers. She narrowed her eyes, concentrating as she bit her lip. The chakra surged, blue glow melting almost instantly into silvery-white flames. She watched the flames for a moment, then gritted her teeth, concentrating harder, feeling the chakra mold and compact, mind and senses following the flow of the energy as she shaped it and twisted it to her will. The flames flickered, then began to brighten, shrinking from an appearance like a war-torn pennant and growing more compact, more defined. She bit her lip hard, ignoring the sting as teeth broke through tender skin, mind focused on only the task at hand.
More...I need more...this ISN'T enough to undo it...
With a crackling pop, the flames surged, then vanished. She dropped to her knees on the cold concrete, chest heaving as she gasped for breath. Her hand spasmed, abused muscles and battered chakra system protesting the illness of the treatment they had received for the last 6 hours. She raised one shaking hand and tried to draw it into a fist, a slight whimper escaping her lips as overused muscles cramped, refusing to cooperate. With a sigh, she sat back, resting her weary body against the wall.
Will I never be able to gain enough control for this? Am I...destined to fail?
She frowned, leaning her head back against the wall. No. She would NOT fail. Not in this. Hinata may have been willing to accept failure on other things, but this was something else. This was too important.
Neji-kun...I won't fail. I'll find a way to set you free from that cage the Hyuuga built around you. I want to see you fly, like you were always meant to..
The Hyuuga scion let a small smile grace her features as she stared out over the city. There weren't many secluded parks or anything that she'd been able to find, and she she had elected to train on the roof of one of the high-rise buildings that speckled the landscape. Now the sun was setting, casting a radiant orange glow across the world and staining the sky crimson with it's light. She felt her eyelids drift closed, allowing herself to bask in the warming rays for a moment as her mind also drifted, touching back over events since past.
I wonder if the sun is setting this way in Konoha?
For perhaps the first time since her arrival in the City, the girl who sat on the top of the tower allowed herself to think back on what she'd left behind. Konoha. Her home, the home of her clan, the birthplace she had known since childhood. The ONLY home she'd ever known. And now, here she was, so much farther from everything that she'd loved and known. And yet...she wasn't homesick. She smiled slightly, brushing a stray strand of damp indigo hair from her eyes. No, she wasn't lacking a sense of loss because she didn't miss her home. She did miss it, in fact. She missed a lot about the village. She missed the trees, and the sound of the windchimes outside her bedroom window, and the other genin. Especially her team.
Shino-kun...Kiba-kun..Akamaru...Kurenai-sensei...are you all doing alright without me? Does it...really matter that I'm gone? I was never of much use to you, afterall.
Despite the numerous times that her sensei and her teammates had reassured her, nigh argued with her that it wasn't true, the petite kunoichi could never quite shake the feeling of uselessness that seemed to permeate her being whenever Team 8 took a mission. She remembered it from her younger days, her father telling her to stay out of the way and not ruin the mission. Neji snirking contemptuously at her tremulous assertions that she would change her fate. Kiba and Shino's denials of the trouble they'd just gone through to yank her out of some predicament or another that she'd gotten herself into. And it never seemed to end. Even here, it seemed, she was plagued with the feeling of helplessness. She watched a swath of salmon-hued froth drift across the searing red ball as it sank lower into the sky, alabaster-white eyes hardening slightly. No, she would not be helpless anymore. HERE, things were different. HERE, there was no Hyuuga clan to belittle her and remind her why she was a failure as their heir. HERE, there was no Shino or Kiba or Kurenai-sensei to bail her out of trouble when she messed up. Here, she was on her own.
Well....not entirely on her own...
Her wandering train of thoughts took her mentality around in circles, diverting away from thoughts of her team and towards thoughts of the reason she wasn't alone in this new place.
Neji-kun....I..if you weren't here, I don't think....no, I KNOW I wouldn't have the will to do this...not without you...
She frowned at thoughts of her cousin. No, she didn't feel right just referring to him that way. But what WAS he to her? Hinata sighed, drawing her legs slowly up to her chest, wincing as the motion stretched muscles that had reached their limit some time ago. She knew what she wanted him to be to her, but what was he, really? A cousin? A relative? A friend? A lover? She felt her cheeks heat up at the last thought, and not from any sort of embarassment. No, it was remembrance that brought the blood rushing to her cheeks. She sighed at the thought, though it was a sigh that carried more weight, the slightly whistful tone that the memories brought being overshadowed by other memories. She dropped her chin to her knees, allowing herself to relive the things coursing through her mind.
Neji-kun....I wish things could always be that way...
Though she would scarce have believed it possible when she first arrived at the city had someone told her it would occur, the fact that she now could categorize Hyuuga Neji by ALL of those titles still seemed something nearly beyond belief. But believe it she had to. Afterall, it had been because of her that it did happen. Because of her wish that she'd made in passing that day, she had awoken to a Neji who looked at her not with loathing or enmity, but with a love that rivaled the deep-seated affection she had secretly held for him for so long.
Do you think about it, Neji-kun? Do you remember what it was like to put aside that hatred and just BE ourselves?
That day had been, in a word, magical to her. She smiled softly at the thought, clutching one clenched fist against her chest as if by doing so she could hold the memories closer. The Neji she knew, the Neji who treated her so coldly and with such animosity, had melted away with the melting of his juuin, into the Neji she had always believed rested within the recesses of his soul. The Neji who hadn't forgotten what happiness was, or how to laugh and smile. The Neji who knew how to love. He'd wanted for the two of them and Tenten to go out, but the other kunoichi had declined, citing already-made plans as an impediment. So Neji had simply taken her out. That day, so many of Hinata's dreams had come true, so many wishes fulfilled by that pair of laughing opal eyes that watched her with such uncharacteristic warmth. They had explored the city together, Neji pointing out places she had never seen, teaching her things she'd never known he knew. They had sat on a park bench and watched a sunset like this one while he held her and whispered words of love and tenderness in her ears. She had nearly swooned when he'd turned her face towards him and spoken of how she'd filled his dark world with light and then had kissed her. And even then, the fantasy hasn't ended. No, it had simply risen to a crescendo as the magical day had culminated in a night spent in his arms. And she'd learned the fire of his touch, and the heat of his kiss. She'd seen the stars explode in her eyes and watched as all of his collectedness and control melted away at the height of passion as he lost himself in her the same way she lost herself in him. She'd seen everything, seen bare to the depths of his soul in a way that she'd only ever dreamed about; felt him as he seared his mark into her and claimed her for his own as surely as if he'd branded her; heard him as he'd surrendered to the night and to her embrace. She knew him now, as surely as she knew that he would be the first and only one to ever hold her that way.
But...in a way, it was still all just a dream. Wasn't it?
She raised her head, watching the darkening sky as the clouds shifted from the blush-toned hues to deep pink and lavender as the sun struck the horizon. It HAD been magical, at least on his part. And she had awoken to the crunch of breaking glass, sat up in his bed to the sight of his fist planted in the broken shards of the mirror, blood dripping slowly down the polished pieces. Her soft-spoken words of comfort had fallen on deaf ears as he'd turned on her, anger and hurt at finding the seal once-again emblazoned on his forehead stamping it's mark of blame on her. The Soke. The only one in this city with the power to rethread the curse. He'd grabbed her arm, yanking her halfway to her feet as his anger thundered at her. When she'd failed to say anything, he'd struck her hard across the face, demanding to know why she'd thought fit to use him as she chose before breaking his wings again. She'd huddled at the foot of the bed, sobbing in a pile of white sheets, as he'd coldly told her to leave. And leave she had. She'd run from him, run from the way her heart had shattered as the reality finally set in.
You never wanted it to happen...and I took advantage of that fact, whether I meant to or not. I..I just wanted to make you happy...I guess I'm not very good at that, am I?
It had been over a week before he'd spoken to her again, and when he did, it was as if that night had never happened. And in a way, that had been the hardest thing for her to deal with. But she'd recovered, thanks to Shizune-sensei and Tenten's friendship and support. She heaved a sigh as the last rays of the crimson sphere finally dipped below the horizon, the honey-casted light fading from the buildings as night began her descent. It wasn't meant to be. A single indiscretion, an indefinable and unobtainable dream that should have ended there. But it hadn't...
Neji-kun, why? I...I don't understand. I know you wanted to forget that it happened, to go on living as if nothing changed. So why did you seek me out that day? Even if it was the curse, it only took away that which held us back. It couldn't create emotions, only give them a catalyst. So why did you do it? Does that mean that maybe...there is some part of you that thinks of me in a kinder way?
It was the last three days that had broken the dam. She'd woken up that first morning as a boy, something so unexpected and traumatic that she had spent much of the day holed up beneath the kitchen sink in hopes that she could wait out the curse. But Neji had found her. Found her and coaxed her out of her hiding place with a surprising kindness and understanding. So perhaps it was only natural that when she woke up the next morning with a loss of inhibitions, she sought out the one person who's company she likely should have avoided. She hadn't expected the way her emotions had boiled over when she found him, but the more surprising thing had been the way that he responded. Not as an unwilling victim, but rather as a drowning man worships an oasis. And she had found herself once again locked in the power of Neji's touch. But this time had been different. While the same emotions were there as before, they were overshadowed by something stronger, something richer and sultrier. Lust, want, need. And she had found herself overwhelmed and carried along by the sheer force of the need in his touch and had simply submitted willingly to the desire that fanned the flames, relishing in the feel of his arms around her, her nails digging into his back, the sound of his muffled moans in her ears. She had awoken to an empty bed, though that fact had been lost on her until the next day due to her status as a 4-year old child. And once again, Neji had been there, to take care of her child-self with the same care that he took care of her when they were both children.
She sighed, relaxing her arms and pushing herself away from the wall. She stared out over the horizon, watching as the last tint of pink faded from the darkened sky and couting the stars as the faint pinpricks of light emerged one at a time to join the moon as it hung in the deep purple velvet of the night. Turning around, she picked up the discarded scroll and rolled it up, slipping it into her pocket and reaching out one hand to trace fingertips along the green lines burned into the wall, calloused hands redrawing the loathsome lines that formed the juuin.
I WILL set you free, Neji-kun...no matter how long it takes...
With a quick set of handseals, she wiped one hand across the mark, the genjutsu erasing it as though it had never been there. Satisfied, she nodded and headed to the stairwell. Pulling open the door, she slipped back inside and headed home.