[ Complete ] Subaru and Ranmaru - Hunted

[elegantorchid.livejournal.com]

When; Continued from this log.
Rating; PG-13 (Violence + Angst + Fluff later. XD)
Characters; Sakurazuka Subaru [ ikigainashi ] Mori Ranmaru [ elegantorchid ]
Summary; When passion turns deadly.. a reflection caught, and insanity dominating. Subaru finds himself victim to a part of himself he never wants to be..
Log;

---

Two mismatched eyes watched as a pair of lips touched his fingers with a tenderness that was anything but mocking. The very opposite of cruel....that was what Ranmaru was. How could Subaru fight it? Did he even want to?

Subaru's chin tipped up, and then to the side to instinctively lean into that gentle hand. The same lips that had brushed against his knuckles before were now warm against his mouth, and he sighed and let his eyes flutter shut, not arguing with Ranmaru's insistence as he fully gave in to the kiss. Two arms slid around the boy, one secure at his waist while the other lifted to caress his cheek in turn.

Still, as he buried his fingers in Ranmaru's hair and drew the kiss out into something more sensual, he made the mistake of opening his eyes just as he was causing Ranmaru's back to curve as he leaned over him. He was just pulling back for a breath, but he just had to glance up as a reflection of light caught his attention, and his breath caught in his throat when he saw himself in the window's reflection, just over the stove.

With his black clothing and bangs covering one eye, the endless sky outside in the background, he looked like a shadow bent over Ranmaru, and one amber eye was staring back at him. Accusing him. Mocking him. It twitched, and immediately he dropped Ranmaru and yanked away with a loud gasp, nearly slipping in his hurry and knocking over quite a few dirty dishes from the party in the process.

They crashed to his feet as he spun around and ran, darting past the living area to reach his bedroom, and the bathroom connected to it. Once in there, he shut the door behind him and leaned back against it with a groan, eyes fluttering. That was when he noticed that the sheet he had placed over the mirror had slipped.

Ranmaru let himself sink into the warm sensation of Subaru's lips, as he had done the nights prior to this. Truly he wasn't certain what name to give this anymore, but from what they had now, how it was progressing, he had no reason to complain. Subaru deserved so much more happiness than he was allowed to have.. and Ranmaru wondered if he would ever be allowed more than this.. but for what he had now, he was happy. Satisfied.. and content.

Then it shattered as he found himself losing balance, and he had to grab onto a side counter to make sure he didn't fall onto his back-- that would have been bad-- and his eyes widened in alarm as he saw Subaru looking terrified, as if he'd seen something like a monster, and he blinked in shock, stilled in his place as he saw him run, unable to discover just what it had been that had frightened Subaru so severely-- and though the other ran off, Ranmaru first went and checked the window, but finding nothing, the young warrior was on his feet, racing after where he'd heard the other run-- and following him into his room.

Only to hear the crashing sounds of splintering and shattering glass, and he paled. Moving his hands to the door, Ranmaru stilled, realising or getting a hint of what this may have been caused by, and called, "Subaru-san! What.." he could feel himself trembling and he leaned his forehead against the door.

"Subaru-san.. why do you hurt yourself this way.." he murmured to himself, before drawing back and pushing the door.

The mirror lay in pieces on the sink and floor, only a few stubborn bits remaining cracked along the edge, snagged black cloth and blood dotted here and there from the continuous assaults on it to fully render it in it's current condition. Subaru was slumped on the floor beside the bathtub, both arms draped across the edge so that his hands, gloves shredded and barely clinging on, could hover just inside.

Both eyes were blank as they watched the blood drip drip drip, creating a small, growing pool that seemed just too mesmerizing to look away from or even acknowledge Ranmaru's presence.

He did seem to be talking, though to whom was the question.

"It's easy enough....you're the prey or the predator. Which am I? I can't have both. The eye, or my hands.... Which must go, Seishirou-san? Ah, I know what you would say. Of course. You're in me. Of course..."

Shock was the greatest understatement that could have been used to define Ranmaru's reaction to what he saw when he opened the door. It was almost dreamlike, the way the glass had shattered and twinkled up at them from the floor, and Ranmaru took careful steps forward to make sure he didn't harm himself in the process. A hand moved, to take hold of the clean cloths folded and kept near the sink, and he paused, only to wet the cloth a bit, before turning back to where Subaru was, the words not missed by him.

He wasn't one to panic, though. He'd seen too much in the entirety of his eighteen years to be shocked. Calmly settling himself on the edge of the bathtub, casting a look over the injured hands, Ranmaru reached over and calmly shifted, to place the bloodied hand on his lap, and pulled off the ruined gloves. He was frighteningly calm by this point, and very gently, he began to clean the wounds caused bu Subaru's assault on the mirror, wiping the blood as tenderly as a mother, and not saying a word.

When he was done, he moved to follow suit with the other hand, but instead, he found himself dropping his head forward so his forehead would be touching Subaru's arm, and the lightest of sobs escaped his lips. He wouldn't lose himself now, he absolutely wouldn't.. and yet..

"What answers are you allowed to hear..?" his voice was shaking. ".. why must they be those that bring you so much grief?"

Subaru still didn't acknowledge as his hand was so gently guided away and cleaned. It was when his other hand was pulled over that he that his head turned, and he watched numbly as Ranmaru doubled over, seeming so close to weeping...and his gaze flickered. Fingers curled, and he yanked Ranmaru up and twisted him around so that he was pulled backwards against him.

One arm was firmly around the boy's waist now, securing one of his arms at his side. Truly, if his grip was any tighter, the young warrior's ribs might have started to crack.

Ranmaru's free hand was held tightly in Subaru's grip, and though it was solid, at the same time it was trembling. He was looking blankly at the wall in front of them, but he wasn't seeing it, and his voice was as hollow as he was feeling right then.

"Grief? The Sakurazukamori doesn't feel grief. He isn't anyone's prey. He is the predator." The blood continued to trickle down, now staining the boy's clothing as Subaru wove their fingers together, moving his hand from simply being suspended in air to push down between his legs.

Through his shorts, he pressed, forcing Ranmaru to feel himself as he lightly nipped at a delicate earlobe. "You are the prey."

At first, he thought he was going to be pushed away, but to his own surprise, when he found himself being held the way he was, he thought Subaru had come to his senses. That thought flew out the window the moment the pain started, and Ranmaru's eyes widened at the way he was being held. This wasn't normal, never the way Subaru held him, and at the hold he had on his hands, Ranmaru curled his fingers inwards to the hand, feeling the torn glove and the cuts beneath, knowing he was being stained, but..

Can't I give you.. another vision..? Why must it be the path that tears you open, step-by-step..

The next words, however, made the boy's eyes widen, even as he remained stilled where he sat. Something was wrong, even more so with what came next-- and Ranmaru found his own blood run cold in a slight panic. Had Subaru been a lesser or a different person, by now, they may have been gravely injured by his own hand, even with the help of a splinter of glass that would be by him. But he couldn't move.. didn't even think he was breathing, because of what he was made to feel.

What is he doing!? Ranmaru found himself thinking in shock, before he felt himself stiffen at the way he was being held and then touched. The boy's cheeks colored brightly and he squirmed, attempting to pull away with a startled gasp. He wasn't frightened-- but Subaru wasn't himself.

However-- he stopped, trying to keep himself at a distance. He'd seen things like this before, this sort of madness, and he found himself writhing in need, as well as desperation to get free-- while at the same time, to turn back to stop Subaru.

"Subaru-san, you'll hurt yourself!" he gasped, realising what the other was doing. "You'll hurt yourself with this!" He didn't even think twice, not even worrying for himself, but at the state of mind his partner was going into.

"So righteous," he murmured blankly. Hollow, yet still cruel. "You don't have me fooled. Letting that City curse take over. Thought you could take advantage of Sumeragi...Sakurazuka...........me. This is... This is me." The arm around his waist snaked up, and he gripped Ranmaru's chin between his fingers, keeping it steady and staring ahead and slightly down, allowing him to see the glitter of glass.

"What do you think you see? Somebody to fix to pass the time?" Fingers ghosted over Ranmaru's groin before they were pulled up, and he slipped the young warrior's fingers, still twined with his, beneath the waistband of his shorts, stretching out the fabric as he pushed down and squeezed. "Always so willing. Eager to make me smile. To be useful with your cooking and sly seduction. Tell me."

He shut his eyes. "What do you see?"

Ranmaru's breath caught in his throat at not only the hollow words, but at the emptiness he could feel behind it. This certainly wasn't the Subaru he had grown so fond of, over the passage of days. Even at his most solemn, Subaru was more than gentle with him, in words, if not in actions, and the boy cringed when his chin was held the way it was, his eyes just about catching the glint of the mirror, before he tried to look behind him, trying to shift free out of the other's hold.

He tried to shift his legs closer, and would have managed to successfully ward off Subaru's prying hand, but then his own hand was brought down into doing something he was in no way desiring to submit to, especially not like this. However, the movement alone caused a trigger of friction to run through him and he held his breath tightly in his throat to not gasp aloud. He had a strong sense of self-control, without a doubt-- and he'd been trained to take torture in all shapes and forms. This is what he would take it as, torture, not to let his emotions interfere, and he found himself attempting to move back, his breath tight. Though the visible signs of arousal were already showing on his younger form and he had to pull away, so he did-- attempting to tug his hand free, when the question was asked. Each word had been like a gleaming knife, but the last was like a stab of warning.

"Darkness." he hissed, unable to restrain his words. "You, lost in darkness." he was visibly shivering now. "And a light.. that continues to hold itself out for you."

His head tipped, a soft hum rising from his chest as he finally pulled his hand out of Ranmaru's shorts. "A light? Let me fix that for you." His blood stained hand slipped over Ranmaru's eyes, hindering sight, while the other still holding his hand slid up to settle on his wrist. Fingertips traced along the back of the hand, and then the other, deceptively gentle.

Though it was not the caress of a lover, but of a predator, as the reversed pentacles traced in blood flashed, and he kept Ranmaru's eyes hidden as he himself watched the marks burn into his skin. Without the true, pure power of the Sakurazukamori here, he was forced to be creative with his onmyoujutsu.

Without a doubt, this way was painful, and he absently wondered if Ranmaru would scream.

The boy wasn't sure what was going on-- so much had happened tonight that it was impossible to even think straight. From the last few days, to now, to everything he had seen as Subaru's own pain and the possibility of humiliation-- to this.

His pulse was racing, and before he could find the time to take another breath, the world went dark, the smell of blood practically suffocating him, and the feel of the touch against the back of his hand almost ominous, terrifying. Ranmaru wanted to jerk his hands away, but as if bound, they remained. Something that just refused to change, and then it happened.

As his life as a warrior, he'd experienced a lot of injuries, sustained wounds graver than grave, seen things that a boy his age should have not been normally looking at. Death, megalomania, destruction, insanity.. yet even in the darkest of dark times, the boy's hope had never wavered. He'd been fighting, battling for a cause ever so noble, always for his Lords, for the future, for the peace they promised.

And even now, he'd kept all his hopes alive. In helping those that needed help, in offering friendship where none would care, in being a friend for those who needed him. These thoughts and more became his ultimate shield against what came next-- though a shattered shield was hardly much help, and he found himself falling into a pain so grave, so agonising, that he couldn't even find the voice to express it.

Burning.. EVERYTHING'S BURNING!! he found his mind yelling, flashbacking to the time Honnoji fell in the flames, where his Lord, before his very eyes, was struck down-- his failure-- and then--

He couldn't hold back. He was struggling, like a trapped animal-- and then, as if realisation hit him, he choked, and clamped down on his lower lip with his teeth, biting into them to silence himself from screaming aloud-- never, never was he to give an assailant the satisfaction of knowing their success. He was whimpering in pain, by the gods, he wanted to scream, but he bit harder into his mouth, causing himself to cut himself harshly and the corner of his mouth began to bleed, followed by tears mixed with blood merging on his rose cheeks, from the pain.

".. why..?"he choked the words, barely having a voice, visibly trembling from the agony he was going through.

... was this your answer.. Subaru-san? Will this.. truly bring you a smile?

There was a sigh, but the Sakurazukamori did not answer. He simply sat there and stared blankly ahead, only uncovering Ranmaru's eyes when the spell had set in and the pain ought to have subsided. Then he shoved hard, forcing Ranmaru onto his hands and knees over the scattered glass, forcing him to look at the new marks on his hands.

He stood up with surprising grace, his own hands hanging limply at his sides as he walked around in front of the boy, staring down at him with empty, though beautiful eyes.

"What do you see?"

When he was released, the boy was still shaking-- regardless of anything and everything, pain was pain and he was still a human, regardless of the amount of resistance he had to it. He fell forward, not broken, never allowing to be broken, still maintaining the image of what he was and what he had to be. A warrior, even brought down in battle, was to remain perfect, strong, tolerant..

But it was when his silver gaze, glazed with tears, settled on the hands that didn't feel like his anymore, that he felt he had truly been killed once more.

What has he done?!!

He flashed back to Subaru's words about this, about Seishirou-san having done this, practically visualising himself as the same sort of child, the same vicious gold glint in the eyes of his predator, the same unknowing in his own.

A prey of the Sakurazukamori.

He had no words for the emptiness that he felt right then. His hands and fingers shaking as they curled inwards, taking the shards of glass within them, Ranmaru bowed his head, shivering violently.

"Destruction.." came the whispered response. "Destruction.. in the light that was holding out to you.." Finally, slowly, he raised his head, his eyes sympathetic.

"Then you are the one to kill me again.. and again.. until the end of time.. is it?" he wondered if Subaru had known, that he was dead already. That by doing this, and marking him as his prey.. he had no words for what had just happened.

His cheeks were wet. Why? Why did his eyes sting? Not just his right, but both... Ah... Tears.

They were spilling out, falling to fade the blood beaded on his cuts. Then his eyebrows furrowed together, and his knees buckled, dropping him to his knees hard enough to bruise as he just stared down at the boy's hands. No... No!

"What...what did I..." He gasped and doubled over, covering his face. "Ranmaru-san! Tell me I didn't... Why did I... I just... No..."

Still shivering where he knelt, Ranmaru watched, as if he were disjointed from thought and reason, as if he were watching himself from far away, even as Subaru came to, even as the other spoke to him. Then, he snapped to his senses, finding himself sitting up and looking sadly at the man so filled with guilt and darkness that his only escape was in ways like this..

Why..? I wish I could answer you, Subaru-san..

His trembling hands moved, until they were holding the older man by his upper arms, even as he bent over, hiding his face.

"Subaru-san didn't do it." he whispered. His voice was empty, quiet, too calm. He was frightened. He had never been this frightened before-- and it caused himself to shut down any possible manner of revealing that he was. He was going to be calm about this. Calm..

"The Sakurazukamori.. did.." his voice shook in a small breath. "... Not Subaru-san..." a weak laugh escaped the boy, even as tears streamed down his face. ".. Subaru-san.. wouldn't ever hurt Ranmaru."

Subaru hissed and shuddered, reaching up to cover Ranmaru's hands. "I did it. I am the Sakurazukamori! Or....Seishirou-san is...ah...he did it? You can't."

With a shaky breath, he looked up, doing his best to control his tears. "You can't let anyone see! They can't know. You have to stay. I have to...to go..." He jerked away and stood, ignoring the pain of broken glass under his feet, his slippers lost somewhere in the mess.

"I can't stay... But I didn't...do it..." he muttered weakly, gripping the door frame as he tried to walk out into his bedroom.

Can't let anyone see.. something triggered in Ranmaru's mind, something that added to the pain he was already feeling, something that grew more twisted and Ranmaru was moving before he knew it. He could see his own form before it had even gotten to where Subaru was he saw his own body still in what looked to be rage.. and he saw his own expression fill with anger, something the boy usually never, ever expressed.

And before he knew it, he could see his own hand, scarred and branded with the mark of his victimisation, move.. and Subaru's face, right before him.

He heard the sound of flesh slapping cheek before he saw it. And when he came to, he saw himself standing before the other man, until he could see no one but the other man. And his own body shaking with pain, his hand held before him.. the backhand may have not been powerful. But it suited it's purpose.

"I have to stay.." Ranmaru couldn't believe the voice was his own. " *I* can't let anyone see.. *You* have to go.. *YOU* didn't do it..." he was repeating the words in a soft, shaking voice, and then he marched forward and clutched the other by his shirt, his fingers holding him so tightly that his knuckles were white. "ENOUGH OF THIS IDIOCY, SUBARU-SAN. What has happened, has happened! There's no changing it!! Are you going to run away from this as well!? Run away, let yourself fall into that darkness again!?" Releasing the other's shirt, Ranmaru moved, bending to pick up a sharp piece of mirror that had fallen, and grabbed Subaru's hand, making him hold it's tip at it's neck.

"If it makes you happy. Then KILL ME. Again, and again, until there's nothing of me left. But don't you DARE run away. Don't you DARE, by Bishamonten, turn your back on what you CAN CONTROL." his voice wasn't raised, but he was indeed authoritative in his wording. "I don't know your reasons for doing what you did. And neither do you. You don't even remember what your body did. That's FINE, Subaru-san. But please.." his voice became a shaking sob as he tightened his own hold on the glass. "Don't punish yourself again. Don't lose yourself.."

The backhand was most definitely enough to shut him up, and he merely stared with wide eyes off to the side, his cheek stinging. When he felt the cold, sharp glass pressed into his hand, he looked back, and what he saw did make his tears stop, but only out of shock again. And then, his despair once again ran too deep for tears to even express.

Full of shame, he weakened in Ranmaru's grip, trying to tug his hand free of the glass. He looked like a beaten child, scared of his own shadow. And really, such a comparison wasn't so unreal.

"...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just... I shouldn't have come here. I can't believe I did that to you. What I just did... I don't want to become him...but I don't know how to..." He trembled. "It's like I hear his voice in my head. Whispering. Teasing. Reminding me how pathetic I've become. If my sister only knew..."

Ranmaru loosened the hold he had on the glass, letting it fall to their feet as he watched Subaru numbly. Everything seemed to sink in, all at once, and Ranmaru found he could do nothing more than let the other apologise as he was. He'd been through far too much, it had shattered his thought of reason, his understanding..

If only Ranmaru could show him what he could see through his eyes, perhaps Subaru would understand.

"Running away.. does no one any good. "his hands, attempting gentleness even in their fear, moved to the other's face. "If you don't want to become him... then do what he wasn't capable of doing, Subaru-san. And what you've always had as a strength against him, regardless of what he may call it."

He smiled then... a sadly beautiful smile on the young warrior's face, and shook his head. "Learn to love beyond him. Once you break free of that.. there will be nothing to stop you." he whispered. However, once he'd said those words, he let his hands drop and he stepped back, finding his head spin a bit and moving a shaking hand to the side of his head. "... it hurts."

Ranmaru's words made so much sense. They always did. Gentle, but very real stability in Subaru's shaky and dark world. He never knew quite how to respond to it. Love beyond him? But....

"... it hurts."

Subaru really looked at him then, and immediately reached out to wrap an arm around him, pressing against his back to steady him, while his other settled over the other's hand resting against his head. "Do you need to lay down?"

He felt dazed, and more than that, he was tired. So extremely tired. It was like when he'd died, he'd felt this unbalanced and unsure.. and even as Subaru came up next to him, Ranmaru couldn't quite focus. So many thoughts were swarming through him, and he felt dizzy from everything that had just occurred.. he remembered..

Ranmaru.. not yet. You still need to rest..

"Mitsuhide-sama..?" he wasn't sure if he said the name aloud, and a fresh trail of tears spilled down the corners of his eyes as he raised a shaking hand to clutch Subaru's shirt, turning his face into his chest. "He's going to leave me too.. just.. like you.. Subaru-san promised..yet he's still.. " absolutely unclear as to who he was talking to, or even about, until he whispered, "..don't leave Ranmaru.. a..l..o..ne..." with those words, he found himself losing consciousness..

Both of Subaru's arms were around him now, keeping him upright as he spoke about someone in an utterly delirious state. Subaru found himself not only concerned, but a little scared.

Mitsuhide-sama...?

"Ranmaru-san? Ranmaru-san." He shook him a little, but that would do nothing. He was out cold. Subaru forced himself to think rationally about this as he gathered the boy up in his arms, cradling him to his chest as he carefully stepped over the glass...though it didn't really matter, because his feet were already cut, and blood was just plain everywhere.

Soon he had Ranmaru laid out on the futon in the boy's room, working on undressing him and wiping off any blood that had gotten onto his skin before he redressed him in a clean robe. Moving around an unconscious person was awkward, but Subaru had done it before. Once that was done, he let the damp cloth rest on Ranmaru's forehead and sat there, shutting his eyes, unable to look at the boy's hands resting at his sides.

He would sit there until morning if needed, whenever Ranmaru awoke. After such a heartfelt plea, he couldn't leave...

Subaru may have wanted to wait until morning, but Ranmaru, even in his condition, wasn't willing to release himself into the dying world again, only to wake up to a nauseating, upsetting present.. no. He had to focus. The world of his dreams was one where he surely found comfort, but right now wasn't the time.. and after a while of his condition being as it was, Ranmaru found himself struggling to re-awaken. There was something in his dream.. a young boy, dressed in pure white, walking towards what looked like a large, blossoming cherry blossom tree..

Subaru-san.

It happened so quickly, that he didn't know he'd awoken, and his hand shot out to grab the other man's arm before he'd anticipate it. His eyes remained closed, until he could turn his head, slowly focusing on the man who's arm was now held in his hand.. the boy, now appearing before him, fading into this memory and he stilled, merely meeting his gaze for once.

Then, he relaxed, but didn't let go of him, a small, weak smile coming over his lips. "Ranmaru is sorry for making you work.. Ranmaru worked too hard, ne?" he laughed weakly despite himself, his gaze quiet and understanding, as if telling Subaru to forget what had happened, even if the scars were now to be there for good.

His eyes had just been drifting close when he felt a hand grab his arm suddenly, and he was suddenly fully alert, looking down to the hand on his arm. The mark was the first thing he saw, so it was impossible to not think of it as his gaze trailed to Ranmaru's face. He hadn't expected him to awaken so soon. Just like a true warrior, for eternity...

Subaru was ashamed to even be in the presence of someone so proud and true. But he couldn't leave now...

Not making a move to be closer or pull away, Subaru shook his head, resting his free hand in his lap and bowing as best he could with the way he was sitting. "It's the least I could do, Ranmaru-san. I was planning on cleaning the place up once you were awake." The kitchen needed it, and the living area surely...and oh did that bathroom need it..

Guilt. That was the first thing Ranmaru felt and it hurt him to think that he was the cause of it. He'd ended up doing what he'd said he wanted to protect Subaru against, didn't he?

His hold softening, Ranmaru turned Subaru's hand in his own and gave him a light tug. "Subaru-san needn't do anything alone." he raised his gaze to meet the other young man's. Then, a flicker of fear went over him and he closed his eyes briefly, before turning an unintentionally pleading look to the other.

"... Hold me?"

At first Subaru remained where he was despite the light tugging, but then he looked up to see that flicker of fear, and it made his muscles feel weak. Then there were those pleading words, and he couldn't say no.

Shifting, he looked down at himself, seeming to hesitate knowing he hadn't yet cleaned any of the blood off himself... And with his black against Ranmaru's stark white robe, it just seemed wrong. But then he shook his head a bit and lay down,slipping an arm around Ranmaru's shoulders and pulling him close.

"...Are you afraid of me?"

Relief went through the boy's form when he was held, and not seeming to care that the other was as bloodstained as he had just been and he may as well have been putting Subaru's efforts to waste, Ranmaru pulled himself up against Subaru's form and buried his face in his throat, his hand coming up to hold his shoulder, and he silently shook his head.

"Ranmaru fears nothing. Especially not Subaru-san." it was a part-lie, but more the former than the latter. He had been scared, troubled and worried. But now... Now he didn't care. What had happened had happened, and with that, he raised his hand to touch Subaru's cheek, making him look down at him.

"Ranmaru likes Subaru-san." he murmured softly. "Now Ranmaru belongs to Subaru-san." it was said in such an innocent matter-of-fact way that one couldn't help but take it in the simplicity he stated it. Smiling shyly, as he often did around Subaru, Ranmaru inhaled, a sob still caught in his throat and moved his face to nuzzle the side of Subaru's cheek.

".. Ranmaru doesn't mind, as long as it's Subaru-san."

Ranmaru's words were probably pure in their intention, but they filled Subaru with a guilt he didn't know it was possible to still feel. After causing his own sister's death, and then killing the man he loved, there was still guilt left? Oh...yes...

Both arms wrapped tightly around Ranmaru, and he shook his head back and forth. "No...no...that... I'll find a way to remove those marks. You're a person, and dead or alive, you shouldn't belong to anyone but yourself."

Quickly moving a hand to touch his fingers to Subaru's lips, Ranmaru gazed up at him, letting his fingers remain on the other's lips, letting them be an offering of consolance. What had the Sakurazukamori said? That he was seducing him? Perhaps, but was there ever going to be a time beyond that that Subaru would be allowed to let himself free? If such small intimacy was seduction, it still brought a smile to Subaru's face. Smiles, that were his privelige and Ranmaru would fight heaven and earth to keep it.

"Doesn't Subaru-san.. want Ranmaru?" he asked then, more a rhetorical question than a personal one. "I have died before.. to die again, would be of no consequence, Subaru-san." he was unafraid. "Don't punish yourself over what you cannot change.. please."

He moved his hand from Ranmaru's back to reach up and clutch at his hand, squeezing gently. How was it possible to feel happy and miserable at the same time? Hollow, and yet complete?

Subaru's chest trembled with his unsteady breath, and he squeezed Ranmaru's hand, avoiding his gaze still. "I don't want any prey... I thought I wanted happiness, but it seems I am my own worst enemy, and am intent on destroying that, along with yours. I'm...sorry."

"Subaru-san.." Ranmaru sighed, and moving his other hand to his side to gently caress the side of Subaru's cheek, and make him face him, Ranmaru gazed into his eyes with warmth. "... never apologise to me.. for something you could not control."

He drew closer, brushing his lips past the other. "If you really want to be forgiven.. then accept that this has happened.. and let us try to find our happiness. Hm?" he smiled a bit, before leaning close and planting a soft kiss on Subaru's lips.

".. Now, rest. Please." he whispered, nuzzling his nose. ".. Subaru-san's had enough excitement for one night.. ne?"

He shifted a bit, cheeks a bit pink from the kiss. Even after all that had happened, something so chaste could still fluster him. Moments like these that he hardly seemed the same man that had so cruelly carved those marks into the boy's hands.

"Mm. Yes. I...suppose." He shifted again, a little awkwardly, then shyly touched his lips against Ranmaru's cheek before he dropped his head back with a sigh and shut his eyes. "Sleep now for both of us...might be best. Goodnight, Ranmaru-san."

He would worry about these annoying injuries and the mess tomorrow.