LOG; Complete (and painfully old)

[snow-sohma.livejournal.com]

When; Last month's 'saying what you really feel' curse. September 22 I believe.
Rating; PG-13
Characters; Kyo Sohma nekozuki_kyo and Yuki Sohma snow_sohma
Summary; "...probably means I don't hate you as much as I thought I did"
Log;


Yuki did his best to stifle another yawn and he plodded down the hall. It was all he could do not to run into things as he maneuvered his way out of the room, silver hair falling haphazardly across his face as he rubbed his eyes. He'd been trying to wake up early since he'd arrived in the city, but it had been no easy task- especially since he'd slept so badly the night before. Blinking a few times to try to focus, Yuki took a look around.
It had been very kind of Miss Honda to allow him to stay in her apartment, even though it meant simultaneously sharing a home with that cat- but it was just a minor detail after all. Which left him to try and figure out how to find the kitchen at....an ungodly nine-o-clock in the morning. Still....something didn't feel quite right. Not that this seemed to be an unusual occurence in the City, but it caught his attention no less. Yuki wasn't sure if it were more of a sinking or floating feeling because he felt...he felt like he wanted to talk. About everything. To everyone. But he was getting sidetracked. Yuki shook his head, looking back at the hall ahead of him. Kitchen. Ok, that couldn't be too hard to find.




Kyo left out a yawn, he's just finished eating and already he was bored. It was still early in the morning, but he couldn't fall back asleep, it was strange. Normally, he'd he able to get back to sleep without any problems, but today he just felt...different, to say the least, like he wantedto talk to someone, anyone really. He really didn't know what to make of it, the feeling made him sick to his stomach, just thinking about it. He stood up,lazily stretching his arms, heading out of the kitchen and into the hallway, so he could preoccupy himself with something else to make that feeling just go away.




Having finally decided that straight forward was probably the best course to take in his attempt to locate the kitchen, Yuki reached up to run a hand through now unruly hair only to be stopped short by colliding head on with what appeared to be a big orange blob.
Had he been awake enough to rationalize the events that had just taken place, he might have reacted differently- but as it was Yuki found himself knocked almost entirely off balance by whatever had been rude enough to walk into him. This of course gave him only one real course of action since he certainly wasn't going to fall over, leaving the boy rather dazed and clutching tightly to the orange thing that Yuki thought looked vaguely like a person.
Brows furrowed in concentration, he steadied himself and brought his gaze from the hands currently clenched in what he assumed was a shirt, to the face of the offending person and glared. Kyo. Watch where you're going" He muttered, voice irritated but still not quite awake enough to be a taunting barb.
Well. That was one way to wake up.




Before he could react, the next thing Kyo knew was that he had collided with none other than Yuki, whose hands he felt reaching over, beginning to clutch onto him, as if his life depended on it or something. "You're the one who needs to watch where they're going, you damn rat," Kyo snapped, shoving his cousin away from him "Just what the hell do you think you're doing, grabbing me like that?!"




Yuki cursed inwardly for losing his balance when the other shoved him- though he was thankful that he had the presence of mind to steady himself so that he didn't fall, opting instead to wobble unsteadily before righting himself. I didn't want to fall." He answered simply, slowing but surely pulling himself out of his sleep induced stupor to be able to formulate an intellegent response to the insult. "I didn't realize how easily flustered you are." A playful smile was tugging at his lips, wondering why the action was such a big deal to the cat anyway.
This was about the time he would have walked away, leaving the other to stew about it as he looked for something to eat- but Yuki noticed with mild distain that his feet really didn't seem to be cooperating. His stomach was tied in knots and he didn't know why, and the urge to talk to someone was even more intense now that it had felt earlier.
But Kyo of all people? Before he could mull the idea over, the question had left his mouth. "Why are you so bothered by it anyway? Are you really that eager to pick a fight with me?"




"Well you didn't have to grab onto me to regain your balance, you idiot" Kyo only glared at the other, he hated how Yuki could just say that while acting so calmly about it. Plus with the fact that Yuki was just standing there, this feeling of wanting to actually talk to him of all people was starting to make him feel really uncomfortable.
After Yuki spoke, he figured he'd leave or something like he always does, but when the other spoke again, he cursed under his breath. You're asking me why? You should know this already, or did you hit your head or something? We always do this...I don't get why you're so surprised"
Kyo said, finally looking towards Yuki , and before he could control what he was about to say next, the word instantly slipped out of his mouth. It's because you're you..."




He was confused. A bit more than confused really, Yuki was just plain lost. What kind of answer was that anyway? Brows furrowed, he met Kyo's gaze, head cocked to the side as he spoke. "Because I'm me? What do you mean?" While it was true that the two of them had had this sort of...competition between them since before he could remember, Yuki had never fully grasped why this was the case.
It was the same way he couldn't fathom why Kyo would be so desperate to become a member of the zodiac. The thought alone brought on memories he'd rather forget, and a shudder made it's way up his spine. Even if that were the case, that Kyo wanted to fight him to be part of the zodiac, it should only be physical fights between them- not the constant banter they had now. Yuki chewed his lip thoughtfully, waiting for the other to reply.





Kyo looked away momentarily staring at the bracelet on his wrist, and shook his head, trying to push the memories aside. Normally, he would have just yelled at the other, yet this urge to talk was just taking over him completely, and he couldn't stop himself from how he was going to respond to Yuki's question.
"Damn it," Kyo turned back to face his cousin, his fist hitting the wall just inches beside the other, "Because it's always about you it, always will be, since you're part of the zodiac and I'm not. Even when I fight you, you're always showing off on how much better you are that me, and how perfect you are. I guess I envy you, but at the same time it just makes me hate you even more..."




Though he didn't flinch when Kyo's fist landed mere inches from his face, Yuki found it hard to breathe with the other so close. And yet, instead of berating and bickering, his cousin had actually...answered him.Yuki could have sworn that his stomach managed to sink into his shoes and he couldn't bring himself to look the other in the eye. "So...you really hate me." The words were soft and out of his mouth before he had time to think on it. It was strange to have such finality. To really be hated and for reasons he didn't want to acknowledge, be hated by Kyo especially.
But as ready as he was to blurt it out, he swallowed hard, raising his head to meet Kyo's gaze as his expression turned from pained resignition to cold anger.Why do you want to be part of the zodiac anyway?! You think I asked for this? You think I wanted to be hurt by Akito? You think any of us want this?! Kagura wants to marry you, I was Haru's first love, and then there's Haru and Rin, Hiro and Kisa, and one would be led to believe that Ayame's in love with Hatori, while Ayame and Shigure also pretend to be lovers, and Hatori himself was engaged to Kana. And every one of the aforementioned people are related to each other by blood in one way or another. And that isn't even the half of it! Momiji's mother doesn't even know that he's her son. Ritsu is a walking disaster who feels the need to apologize for every misfortune that befalls the people around him and cross-dresses to hide his insecurities. Haru developed a split personality when he was younger because he grew up under the influence that his family thought he was "stupid". Ayame is just strange beyond reason, even by a Sohma's standards. Hatori's almost blind in one eye because he fell in love and tried to get married, which means that I won't ever be able to tell the one I love how I feel the same way no one else can either! No one is allowed to be happy because Akito won't allow it and you still want to be part of this mess?!"
Yuki had run out of breath, face flushed from the overwhelming emotions- the disaster that was their family. He felt defeated and tired, looking up at Kyo with eyes that couldn't decide whether or not they were actually going to cry. "Don't you realize how lucky you are? You're free Kyo."





Kyo inwardly winced as his cousin went on talking, he knew what his cousin was going on about but he neede to be part of something, despite everything Yuki said. As the other looked up at him, the expression on Yuki's face as if the other was about to cry. "Don't you think I know that already? What the hell does it even matter to you if I hate you or even want to be part of the zodiac anyway?!" Kyo retorted angrily, the memories of his mother killed herself, and how his own father abandoned him, blaming him for everything, and the people around him critisizing him throughout his life. Even the fact he has to
were that bracelet to keep from changing, it all just came flooding back.
How was that supposed to make him feel free or even lucky?
"You honestly think I'm lucky?...And free too?" Kyo scoffed at the last statement, "Everything from how I had to grow up...how is that any different from being apart of this?"




Yuki was quiet as he spoke, as though suddenly seeing Kyo for the first time. All his life he had been afraid of being rejected, but Kyo...Kyo really knew what it was like. And it was something familiar and unknown all at the same time. "Being a Sohma..." he began slowly, not so much out of trying to find the words to say, but moreso surprised that the words actually came. "...means that all of us are alone. But are you really lonely enough to want to tie yourself to this mess?"
He took a step forward, meeting Kyo's gaze for a fraction of a second before closing the gap between them enough to brush his lips against the other's. And as suddenly as it happened he pulled back, putting the space back between them but keeping his voice soft. "I don't really hate you." Yuki looked away, unwilling and unable to look back at the cat because of what it would mean. He didn't know what prompted him to say it, but he was done thinking about it. It would only wear him out. "If you want to be a part of the zodiac, I won't try to stop you."




Within the last few seconds, everything happened so fast from what Yuki said, to the fact that the other just kissed him, it left Kyo completely speechless. He looked away momentarily, unable to look at Yuki. That kiss actually felt nice? What the hell was he thinking, this didn't make any sense! Kyo shook his head, trying to get his thoughts together, he knew he said he hated Yuki, but it was only because of how he made him feel, and because he felt he had to hate him. This...it just left him confused and unsure what to do. "Yuki... I-- so you really don't hate me?"
Kyo said, managing to find the word to respond to Yuki as he turned to face him, "I don't get it....since when? If you really don't hate me, then why didn't you say anything before?"




Yuki was flustered. Maybe a bit more than flustered because when he tried to rationalize it in his head everything went in circles and he was even more confused. He was certain something terrible would happen, that Kyo would run off or punch him, start screaming perhaps. But he didn't, which didn't make sense to him because those were all things that Kyo should
do.
Instead he let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, and looked away, arms crossed over his chest defensively, as if trying to make himself feel safe. "I...don't know. I don't think I've ever really hated you. But I don't know when I started liking you either. I just...do." His voice was soft and distant, as though still coming to terms with the realization himself.
"But you always fought, so I always fought back. It was habit, I think. One of those things we just...always did, so I kept doing it. But I didn't mean to say anything and I certainly didn't mean to now but I can't seem to stop talking and its all very confusing..." He trailed off, swallowing the lump in his throat. This was horrible. Just....horrible. Why couldn't he stop talking?




Kyo found it harder to breathe as Yuki began to explain himself. The way Yuki felt about him, it surprised him. He should have hit him, or yelled at him, but he just couldn't, all this new information just stunned him.
"It's not that I actually wanted to fight you, it was because if I wanted to be part of the zodiac, I had to beat you first. I kept trying and try and I just couldn't. I guess that was what made me feel like I had to hate you, or even argue with you, because I hated the way you made me feel like I just wasn't good enough to do anything compared to you..." Kyo swallowed hard after replying to his cousin. After finding out about how Yuki felt about him, being this close to him, just felt different now, like something changed within him, and as much as it scared him, he just let it happen.
He sighed, with all this talking, he just couldn't take it anymore. He didn't know what compelled him to do this, but he leaned foward, and pressed his lips against Yuki's momentarily to get the other to just stop talking" You know, I still don't understand why you of all people feel that way about me...but I guess, I don't mind, which probably means
I don't hate you as much as I thought I did"




His eyes widened in shock when soft lips touched his own and if he didn't know better, Yuki would have sworn his heart stopped beating. He had never really been at a loss for words before, but he hadn't expected anything like this from Kyo. But still....
He'd been carrying these feeling for so long, it was strange to have that burden lifted. He'd been so afraid for so long- Yuki hesitated. No, while Kyo said he didn't hate him, he hadn't said that he loved him either.
Though to be fair, Yuki wasn't entirely sure that he could call it "love" yet either. But a strong "like" could turn into that someday, so it was enough for him. There was still so much on his mind.
"Thats why I had been so upset when you and Miss Honda vanished and everyone said you'd run off together because I thought that....but I don't know. I'm sure you care for her and I didn't mean to get in the way-" He looked away, taking a breath to steady himself and try to put his effectively jumbled thoughts back in order before turning his gaze to meet Kyo's. For the first time in a long time, Yuki was at a loss.
"What do we do now?" He asked, quiet and uncertain.




"So that's why you seemed different that day. I wouldn't have thought you'd be worried over something like that, especially because of me" Kyo smirked. Through all their fighting, he found it strange how despite everything and how it turned out this way, just from one kiss from the other.
He paused, looking thoughtfully at Yuki, then he shook his head at the other's question. "How would I know what to do? I thought you'd be the one to know the answer to that..."




Having decided not to dignify his comment with a reply, Yuki looked away, eyes focusing off in the distance at nothing in particular. He felt so drained all of the sudden, but then again, keeping pace with the intensity of emotion Kyo was capable of would exhaust anyone. He took a step backwards, trying to piece together the morning's events before realizing
that he'd wandered down the hall for a reason- before the...kissing incident. Though judging from his cousin's current
state, he'd had plans for the day as well. Yuki blinked a few times, bringing himself to the present. For as 'charming' as the girls at school said he was- Yuki felt as clumsy as a blind elephant. This was....awkward to say the very least.
"I...I am going to go shower." He concluded, taking another step back before turning to head down the hall.




Trying not to let his emotions get the best of him, with the fact Yuki decided not to answer him, he just shrugged, "Yeah, fine. You go do that...I was on my way out anyway"