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tampered2006-11-13 01:05 am
lying-obedience.livejournal.com) wrote in tampered2006-11-13 01:05 am
Log, Complete.
When: morning of Nov. 10th
Rating: PG-13 (at most)
Characters: Sohma Yuki [![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
snow_sohma] and Agatsuma Soubi [lying_obedience]
Summary: Soubi's to the...rescue, and Yuki wakes up to a rather interesting surprise.
Note: Refer to this thread for a little more background info.
Log:
It was relatively early. And warm.
Soubi, somehow restless while he’d slept, could immediately sense the differences in his current surroundings, the way the sheets twisted around parts of his legs, draping over the remainder of his body and the partially unnoticeable lump beside him. He hadn’t opened his eyes yet, allowing himself a moment to take it in, the feel of another pressed so close. And had he been so disillusioned, he would have imagined Ritsuka there, having quietly slipped in to bed sometime after he’d returned to the Cathedral. A nightmare as an excuse, a strange feeling the boy always seemed to only express in the lingering gazes given to him.
But it wasn’t Ritsuka, the shape and size and overall press unfamiliar. His Sacrifice was still sound asleep in the adjacent room beside his own, and that left little doubt as to who it was as memories returned to him.
“Yuki,” he murmured quietly, remembering how the boy’s complexion hadn’t seemed so healthy, the slight daze in his eyes before… Soubi hadn’t expected the youth to dissipate into the form of a mouse, cute as it had been, but the City had already been so full of surprises that it had only…bothered him. To a slight degree, since someone so young left unattended in such a predicament led to the possibility of abduction by a pervert.
He had done his share in helping, certainly, and with eyes still closed, having rested on his stomach, he slid a hand beneath the blankets, feeling at the other’s skin. Testing his temperature, nothing more.
--
Yuki was a sound sleeper. He always had been.
While most nights would find him pacing aimlessly until his mind had finally settled down, life had changed rather dramatically once more. Not long ago, though he'd somehow wound up within the confines of the City, he'd had those closest to him there. He'd found Kyo and Tohru, then Ritsu and Momiji, Shigure and Ayame. He and the cat had only just come to terms with one another, had only -just- become aware of who they were as people. Yuki had had nights where he was no longer plagued by dreams of the Sohma house and Akito, where he had finally felt safe. The way he'd always imagined a 'home' to be.
But in the space of mere weeks, everyone had vanished and he was left to an empty apartment with empty rooms and endlessly dark halls to pace when night came and he couldn't find that rest any longer.
Which was sure to at least be partially to blame for his body's sudden collapse. It was the first time he'd slept; really -slept- in weeks. Dimly, somewhere in half-consciousness he recognized that the sheets he laid on were much softer than his own, but mornings always dulled his senses to a blissful hum, so when that warm touch first sought him out, Yuki leaned into it. He was always so cold.
The lingering smell of cigarettes jogged his memory more quickly than anything that had ever woken him up before. Yuki’s entire body jerked with realization, coming from sleep into full- albeit still mildly feverish- alertness. “Wh-ah!”
A startled yelp and sudden pull later left a now naked and sleep rumpled Yuki dazed and half sprawled on the floor, having started so abruptly that he’d rolled right off the edge of the man’s bed, legs tangling in the still warm sheets as he tumbled to the ground.
--
An odd moment passed through Soubi when the boy leaned into his touch, however brief it was, drawing whatever warmth he had gathered through his -undoubtedly- restless sleep and into that smooth skin. He really couldn’t see it, still having refused to open his eyes. Such use of the other senses was almost a breathing beauty on its own, accepting the world for what it was through touch, smell, sight, and taste rather than relying on one’s vision to assess the surroundings. Of course, none of that really mattered the moment Yuki jerked himself away, incidentally falling and taking part of the blankets with him.
Ah, so adorable. Cheeks somewhat flushed and eyes gazing up at him.
“Quiet,” he murmured, voice still a little husky from just having awoke himself. Ritsuka wasn’t particularly bright and wonderful if roused prematurely, the way sounds echoed within the Cathedral, even the sleeping quarters, truly powerful. Besides, he wasn’t an early riser, though he didn’t have a problem gathering whatever energy he needed to follow through with daily routine, and the sight of a naked boy sprawled on the ground somehow amused him into a further conscious state.
But the color of his face and the way he was looking at him…
“How do you like the floor, Yuki?” came a soft tease, his lips edging into a thin smile even as he reached up to run fingers through slightly tangled locks of blond, mussing it even further.
--
Yuki’s mouth opened, as though ready to reply with anything from a flustered stammer to an annoyed growl in response to the remark- but nothing came. More than the shock, that had sent his heart racing a million miles an hour, it was unsettling.
He wasn’t entirely sure how he’d wound up in Soubi’s bed, how he’d slept so alarmingly well, or how he’d become comfortable to lean into his hands, but that didn’t prevent him from being terrified by it. After all, Soubi was not a particularly easy person for him to understand. When he’d first seen him, he’d recognized a sort of emptiness that was achingly similar to his own. But at the same time, he could cover such things up with offhanded flirtations-
The chill was creeping in from the floor, and though he managed to suppress a shiver, his skin pebbled in response. Yuki looked away, biting his lip thoughtfully before finding the words to say. “Could I have some clothes please?”
It was a surprisingly soft question, more like a breath of air or a sigh than actual words- but sometimes Yuki got tired of questioning the way people made him feel. Soubi had asked for quiet, Yuki hadn’t the heart to argue. He was half asleep, still slightly dazed, and now cold again.
--
He stretched a little as he listened to the boy speak, working slender fingers through the fine strands of his hair and contemplating the gentle request. Soubi wasn’t particularly sure where he could find something that would actually fit the other, Ritsuka being slightly smaller and he the complete opposite. Quietly, he mused such things before turning his head, wondering at the time and the urge to beckon the other back into the bed incredibly tempting.
Mm, such motivation never ceased to amaze him
“Rest a little more,” the blond suggested after a moment, voice loud enough for only Yuki to hear as he leaned over and tightened a hand in the tangled sheets, slowly pulling it back towards him. He didn’t particularly feel like moving much, still lethargic from the curse day beforehand. Plus, the boy’s complexion was fading a little, no longer pink but pale, and his body heat would have been much more efficient than him dressed and still cold.
The smile motioned tenderly. “It’s warmer.”
--
He blinked, once, twice. Trying to be certain if he’d heard correctly, but the gentle tugging on the blanket around him was a more than sufficient indication. Yuki was flustered. More than flustered really because he hadn’t expected such a request to be denied.
Eyes widened slightly at his comment- about warming up once more, and the next shiver rocked him a bit more forcefully than expected.
Instead of pressing an already denied subject, Yuki wrapped the blanket more tightly around his frame, doing his best to make the sheet serve as a set of make-shift pajamas before standing on slightly unsteady legs. He’d never been particularly fond of, or comfortable with his body, and as such usually took unnecessary precautions to wear more clothes than needed in any given situation- which now left him standing beside the blond’s bed, grappling with frightening and overwhelming degrees of vulnerability. If his expression betrayed him, it only flickered for a moment, before being forced away once more.
Yuki had never been particularly compliant with anyone other than Akito- but for some reason or another, Soubi’s lure had been effective. He swallowed hard, hesitating for a few brief moments before climbing onto the bed once more, shoulders shaking lightly from the occasional chill. He remained sitting, however, perched a fair distance away from the other, hovering just outside of arm’s reach.
--
Yuki certainly played the frightened little mouse he’d transformed into hours prior, the innocence a lure all on its own.
Soubi, of course, pretended to pay it no mind, releasing the material in his fingers and stretching out a little, his head dropping against the pillow as though in victory of a well-won battle. He rested like that for a moment, eyes hidden by the curtain of his hair, mouth pressed against cotton as he examined the other in that quiet way only artists did. Yuki sat relatively still, not so stiff as Soubi would have thought but close to it, the ivory of his skin and the fall of his hair beneath the fractioned natural light so incredibly intriguing.
He’d have painted had the desire to sleep not called to him so eagerly.
So, instead, fingers reached out to gently touch the boy’s thigh, the distance between them disappearing rather quickly as he frowned at the chill of the other’s skin. It was impossible not to feel it, even through the sheets drawn safely around him to hide the nudity beneath, and Soubi lightly grabbed at Yuki’s elbow, tugging him closer. It reminded him of Youji and Natsuo, a brief nostalgia of home before he shook it off and sat up enough to skim fingers over the boy’s cheek.
“It’s not warm there, Yuki.” And still he continued to pull gently at him.
--
Where Soubi’s hands had distracted him before, it was the golden sheen of his hair that caught his attention now. There were times, few that he had seen but had seen nonetheless, where the blond seemed like an entirely different person. Like now.
Despite his gentle urging, his eyes were more distant than Yuki could recall- if only for a moment. It was the nostalgic look that helped him forget the feel of smooth but deceptively strong fingers lingering on his skin and without so much as a second thought, the boy leaned over to gently brush those fine gold stands out of Soubi’s face- seeking out his eyes. His touch was delicate, barely a ghost across the smooth skin of the other’s cheek and forehead, as though Yuki was worried he might somehow hurt him.
It was surprisingly easy for him to be comfortable with Soubi when it had been so hard to grow accustomed to anyone else- especially so close. And they were close. Yuki had allowed his body to be drawn nearer than it had been before, half-kneeling at the man’s side but close enough to allow for the occasional touch if either gave the slightest movement.
“What are you thinking about?”
His hand pulled away quietly, but violet eyes regarded the other with gentle curiosity- worry.
--
The naivety of youth was such a precarious thing, Soubi mused quietly beneath a now unreadable expression, and he smiled at the boy who’d dared to ask such questions and touch him in such a manner. Precarious and…cute. Of all the things, Yuki had dared to question what few rarely did, would do to someone who truly thought so little of themselves on a frequent day-to-day basis. Even Ritsuka did not bother, though the expression was clear in his adolescent face.
He thought of nothing. Those were the first words to come to mind, immediate. Because it truly was nothing. A nothing of importance, nothing to be bothered with ever again. Since he was here and not there, this City of Cities. Amused, Soubi merely laughed.
“The best way to keep you warm,” he answered softly, liking the proximity and wondering just how much closer he could get to him before assumptions broke the peaceful lullaby amidst the air. It was a quaint thought…almost. Sitting up completely, moving so he could get a better grasp on the boy’s shoulders and pull that frail body into him, Soubi sighed. Heat; it was absolute.
No air. Was he breathing?
Carefully, even as he held Yuki, absently tugging at the blankets and drawing them closer, Soubi closed his eyes and thought of everything before until the scent and texture of the other dizzied him. He traced his fingers down the curve of the boy’s naked spine, feeling, only feeling before the edge of material stopped him, and it remained that way until he drew back, eyes once again clear. Betrayers to his soul.
“All right?” Soubi’s mouth turned into the briefest of smiles again as he stared. So pretty.
--
He’d done it again, Yuki realized. Though he said nothing of it, it was impossible for him not to notice the subtle changes in the way he moved, spoke, looked. There were things he was hiding, or at the very least, not saying and he hadn’t the words to explain why it unsettled him. But when the older man leaned forward to meet his gaze, Yuki’s brows furrowed slightly, as though trying to understand. Instead he spoke softly, almost trying to explain- “I am bound to warm up with you here.”
Soubi -did- have alarmingly soft skin, and tucked up against him, Yuki let the pads of his fingers trace over a delicate shoulder and linger, before continuing it’s path down his arm. Touch still nearly hesitant, almost reverent in its discovery.
But the feather light touch against his spine caused another shiver, and his body arched forward in response before he frowned slightly. “But you’re giving me more goosebumps when you do that” He murmured simply, burrowing his face between the delicate neck and shoulder of the other- almost as if trying to hide.
He didn’t understand. It was the only thing Yuki was certain of- that there was so much he didn’t understand. Like the way his stomach turned into knots when Soubi could brush off concern. The way that nostalgic, faraway look made him sad.
It -hurt-, and he didn’t know why.
--
Pity and sympathy were not emotions reserved for one like Soubi, and he knew it, could feel it in Yuki’s movements, his words. The way he curled himself into him, face pressed against him, his breath warm through the shirt he wore. Perhaps if he hadn’t had so much control over his own body, he would have shivered just as much as the other, pressed back. Nothing sexual about the gesture, though it could have been so easily misinterpreted.
Soubi certainly didn’t need of any of this, but his presence was somewhat…overwhelming. Somehow.
“Should I stop?” he questioned in return, fingers following their own path up to stroke over thin shoulder blades and higher, petting at the nape of the boy’s neck. Yuki felt sleek, pretty, and Soubi liked the way his skin almost melted beneath his touch as he continued to touch in random places. Briefly, he wondered if this was acceptable before ignoring it by pulling the slight body even closer, lips brushing hair as he tilted his face to the side.
This he’d never cared about at all.
--
Comfort.
He’d never been particularly gifted at recognizing the way feelings were -supposed- to be expressed, and similarly Yuki had always had a hard time trying to untangle the complicated knot of what others felt for him and how he was supposed to interpret it. But Soubi had managed to cross several of Yuki’s defenses in the time they’d known each other. So when he found himself pressed rather protectively against the warm hollow of the blond’s body, he wasn’t surprised that answers came easily.
This was…nice. And for the first time in so many years, he felt -safe-.
The slender fingers against his neck earned a soft sigh, warm breath brushing against Soubi’s collarbone. It was strange to find himself feeling cared for, or at the very least, to have someone genuinely want him near- but the man’s words made him pause.
Stop?
It wasn’t something he’d considered, but that word meant that whatever was passing between them in that moment must have more weight than he realized. After all, why would he -want- to pull away? Yuki was silent for a few moments, trying to grasp what it was that made Soubi say such a thing- but came up empty. His head lifted and Yuki rested his chin on the man’s shoulder, close enough that when his eyes shut, soft lashes brushed against the other’s cheek. He had no answer, and like so many times before, his voice remained soft but honest. “I don’t know.”
He wouldn’t be foolish enough to ask Soubi to make such a decision on his own, but at the same time, his own feelings were equally tangled up, a sad sort of confusion that lingered in his eyes if one were to seek it out.
--
Those words…
Soubi concentrated on them for a moment, tossing them lightly in his mind as if decoding its meaning, including those somewhat secretive, and he sighed. Such a thing as crossing boundaries had never really occurred to him, not caring whether or not his attitude or his personality or the smallest habit affected another in such a manner it brought indecision. But with Yuki so close to him, the brush of skin faintly tingling his own and completely numbing of the senses, Soubi found himself twisted.
An impossible thing. But god, it was true, and somehow, it frustrated him.
Like so many other things, the blond was reminded of Ritsuka. His beauty and fragility, much like Yuki’s own, but still so different. And the boy slowly wrapping himself around him just instigated more memories, emotions Soubi never really placed. Yuki felt like his Sacrifice when he held him, pulled him close enough to register body heat and warmth. So very much like now.
And if Soubi really did have a heart, somewhere, it ached bitterly.
He thought it was partial desperation that forced him to lift a hand and brush the cheek close to his own, fingering the smooth curve of his cheek before eventually pressing against that silky jaw. Soubi really couldn’t place it though. Even as he pushed Yuki’s head away from his own, tilting his face up, he couldn‘t figure it out. Eyes a little clouded, clearly unreadable, stared for a moment, still deciphering, and he eventually decided, breath a light whisper. It wouldn’t go much beyond this, not in the Cathedral, not with Ritsuka sleeping so relatively close. But for now, it was just enough.
Thus, space was crossed, Soubi tipping his head down to angle lips and kiss Yuki with the slightest touch, fleeting, and then, it deepened a fraction, fingers winding tightly in the sheets twisted around the boy against him.
--
It could have been interpreted as 'boldness', how when Soubi had reached out to touch his cheek his eyes had instinctively sought out the other's- but more than anything Yuki just wanted that heavy feeling to go away. Looking at the blond always tangled up his insides. He was frustratingly flirtatious and decidedly ambiguous with his affections, and yet still so persistent about it. Just enough to make him wonder if maybe, just maybe, he really meant something to the other man.
On his own behalf, he was slowly trying to unravel things. Soubi was just doing what he felt obligated to do, obligated to take care of him and see to it he was safe- much the same way Miss Honda had been. But at the same time...not quite the same. In her, he'd been seeking shelter and something, he admitted, something like a mother; but Soubi felt different. It was maddening.
Here, curled up against the warm skin and soft curve of his body, he felt something different. And while the delicate press of soft lips against his own made his heart skip a beat, those clouded eyes he'd been watching before spoke volumes. He wasn't the one Soubi was thinking about. And it made his heart hurt.
Yuki shut his eyes in a desperate attempt to block it all out, if only to enjoy the moment for what it was, body unconsciously pressing closer to the other's. He'd had few kisses in his past, but enough to know that instinct was the best course he could follow. His mouth yielded to the other's gentle pressure, one hand rising slowly to cup Soubi's cheek, thumb grazing his skin as his fingers wound into long blond strands.
--
The boy tasted of the early morning, an almost lazy flavor Soubi couldn’t distinguish as anything he’d really experienced in a kiss before. It wasn’t a disagreeable thing, Yuki’s naivety and audacity mixing into an odd sense of familiarity. He was somewhat passive as Ritsuka always was, forcing Soubi into the initiative of drawing out the kiss, widening it a little with the slightest flick of his tongue, but it wasn’t utter surrender. Soubi could feel those slender fingers playing in his hair, drawing tighter and melding them together.
And rather than pull away, pat the boy gracefully on the head, perhaps a kiss to the cheek, Soubi relented.
Using the fingers he’d twined into the material of the boy’s makeshift clothes, he slid his hand more firmly up Yuki’s back, pressing harder and pulling him even closer despite the angle they sat. He worked his opposite hand beneath an opening in the sheets, petting at warm skin, an almost calming motion rather than anything stimulating, liking the feel of this situation far too much than he was supposed to. So contrasting to the others he’d briefly been with, and yet so recognizable it almost hurt. But Soubi was accustomed to pain, wouldn’t even flinch had the boy decided to dig his fingers into exposed flesh in resistance.
Yet, he wasn’t, and…
His mouth broke from the youth’s lips, tongue a little hasty as it tasted skin, nose nuzzling to encourage the other to tilt his head back so he could kiss at his throat. It made little sense as to why he stopped thinking in these encounters, his brain shutting down, vacant of thought, and body going on instinct. Expert instinct.
And briefly, Soubi found himself whispering something against Yuki’s skin, but he was too caught up to really notice, squeezing the boy tighter to him as if suddenly afraid to let go.
--
The whisper ghosted warm air against already sensitive skin and Yuki felt his breath hitch, a small shiver working its way up his spine. Exhaling shakily, his free hand clenched tightly, fingernails biting into the tender flesh of his own palm. He was not naive enough not to know what the consequences of these actions were, but with the gentle press of a kiss to his neck it was easy to put the thoughts aside.
The man knew what he was doing frighteningly better than he did, but at the same time, Soubi himself seemed as if he expected to be lead or even hurt. It wouldn't have surprised him. The blond had an unnerving tendency to forget his own wellbeing for the benefit and usually, protection of another- the way he'd looked so startled to hear someone say they worried about -him-
His body yielded where guided, and he relaxed his grip, allowing both hands to reach up and tangle in his hair- to pull the man closer. And though he tugged once more, to guide the other's mouth up into a more forceful kiss, Yuki was terrified. Terrified that wanting to be close to Soubi and Soubi in particular, and that his willingness to proceed into this -tryst- would make him just like countless others.
But the arms around him tightened their grip and Yuki had to wonder at how easy it was for the other to break his heart. He knew he should try to stop this before it made an even bigger mess out of whatever it was that lay between them, but caught somewhere between wanting to relax into that embrace and wanting to kiss Soubi until the other's lips were bruised; he was lost.
--
Crushing. Breaking. Falling.
Dead.
Soubi reflexively arched into the smaller body, fully awake now, the sensation of Yuki’s hands pulling even tighter at his hair somehow exciting. It churned in the pit of his stomach, some form of mocking lust he shouldn’t have felt at all, but his thoughts were overturned, mixing into a pseudo-understanding of what this was and how it had happened. He liked to believe -certainly- this had nothing to do with current situations, the way he juggled things. Ritsuka and Seimei, Kamui, and now Yuki.
A Yuki he was almost furiously kissing, teeth nipping at the throat, hard enough to bruise without the intention before sliding back to the other‘s mouth.
What difference did it make if he could always have the things, the people still present in his life? What did it matter if he touched this boy, in this bed, in this forsaken building and could still go on without so much as a glance back? What…
A breath left his mouth, lethargically exasperated as he realized the fingers beneath the sheet had taken to squeezing and petting rather vigorously, a subconscious reaction to the empty thoughts in his head, and he hissed against skin, lips suddenly dry. He felt the tremble in his body, unable to control it despite the wield of constraint he possessed and enforced so strictly, suddenly rather cold and tired and falling through already broken glass to hit the ground below. Soubi dropped his head, forehead pressing lightly into the other’s shoulder.
“Yuki,” he managed, still unwavering in the way he spoke despite the tremor he recognized as it rolled down his spine, though faint. “Sleep now.”
Yes, sleep. Before his willpower completely dissolved altogether.
--
The tremor hit him like a wave of ice water; jerking away the pleasant and oh so alluring fog that he'd let himself indulge in so freely- to become painfully aware of the present.
Had he any less 'training' to keep such things under control, Yuki might have cried.
For the frustration, the confusion, the way his heart sank every time he caught a glimpse of sadness in Soubi's frighteningly deceptive eyes, the way he'd stopped considering what would be best for the man leaning against his shoulder for his own selfish desires. And just as quickly, his hands stopped- lowering to wrap reassuringly around the blond's neck. Hoping to offer what little he could in the way of comfort.
He kept his face hidden over the man's shoulder, unable to face him as he half-whispered, voice reproachful and sounding somehow dejected and distant. "I...am sorry. This was foolish of me." Yuki swallowed hard, trying to find solace in the feeling of Soubi's steady heartbeat against his chest, the rise and fall as he breathed. He had never been particularly courageous, especially when speaking about something as delicate as emotion, and he hesitated under the weight of it. "...I, care for you. But your heart is elsewhere."
There was nothing pleading, no question, no hint that he sought a rebuttal. He would not ask the man to lie to him. Instead, it was a simple statement of truth and despite his attempts otherwise, the undercurrent of sadness in such a statement remained.
--
If he could have placed it immediately, Soubi would have realized the heart Yuki spoke so softly about didn’t exist. Not really. And under the circumstances, it made sense to ignore what the boy said, dropping his hand from the warmth of such ivory skin and nudging his shoulder a little with his head, distracting and slightly pathetic all at one. He quietly mumbled something else, something that almost sounded like reassurance.
But what did he have to tell this boy that he didn’t seem to know already? So perceptive…
Slowly, Soubi lifted his hand to stroke at the other’s hair, liking the texture of it, how soft it felt beneath his fingers, and he eventually pushed him away, a silent suggestion at getting comfortable. He gently returned to lying down, mostly on his side and hair falling over his shoulder in a lazy curtain. Then, he reached for Yuki, drawing him there, pressing a light kiss to the naked curve of the youth’s arm before hiding his face against him.
Warm, so full of life. And it was better to say nothing as he wrapped himself around the boy in a lacking attempt to sleep.
--
He watched the man passively, through half-lidded eyes, but made no further attempts to speak. After all, what good would it do to rail against it? To protest and struggle and -fight- for love Soubi couldn't give. The pain that had once been so sharp in his hands had dulled to a subtle throbbing and he wondered vaguely, through disconnected consciousness, what kind of marks would be left on his palm. If seeing four red little half-moons the next day would make any of this seem real. Yuki didn't want to forget, didn't want to push this out of his head and try to ignore it-
It was almost surreal. Like stumbling through a dream he was too afraid to wake from. What would happen between them, after he left this bed? It hurt as much to stay as it did to try to convince himself to go.
When Soubi shifted, he remained still, allowing the other to be comfortable as he laid back against the pillows once more. Familiar hands tugged him down and Yuki did the only thing he could and wrapped his arms around the blond, as if trying to shield him, protect him from the outside world. Soubi did so much for so many, it was the least he could do to forgo his own unhappiness for the man- to give him what little he could offer.
Rating: PG-13 (at most)
Characters: Sohma Yuki [
snow_sohma] and Agatsuma Soubi [lying_obedience]Summary: Soubi's to the...rescue, and Yuki wakes up to a rather interesting surprise.
Note: Refer to this thread for a little more background info.
Log:
It was relatively early. And warm.
Soubi, somehow restless while he’d slept, could immediately sense the differences in his current surroundings, the way the sheets twisted around parts of his legs, draping over the remainder of his body and the partially unnoticeable lump beside him. He hadn’t opened his eyes yet, allowing himself a moment to take it in, the feel of another pressed so close. And had he been so disillusioned, he would have imagined Ritsuka there, having quietly slipped in to bed sometime after he’d returned to the Cathedral. A nightmare as an excuse, a strange feeling the boy always seemed to only express in the lingering gazes given to him.
But it wasn’t Ritsuka, the shape and size and overall press unfamiliar. His Sacrifice was still sound asleep in the adjacent room beside his own, and that left little doubt as to who it was as memories returned to him.
“Yuki,” he murmured quietly, remembering how the boy’s complexion hadn’t seemed so healthy, the slight daze in his eyes before… Soubi hadn’t expected the youth to dissipate into the form of a mouse, cute as it had been, but the City had already been so full of surprises that it had only…bothered him. To a slight degree, since someone so young left unattended in such a predicament led to the possibility of abduction by a pervert.
He had done his share in helping, certainly, and with eyes still closed, having rested on his stomach, he slid a hand beneath the blankets, feeling at the other’s skin. Testing his temperature, nothing more.
Yuki was a sound sleeper. He always had been.
While most nights would find him pacing aimlessly until his mind had finally settled down, life had changed rather dramatically once more. Not long ago, though he'd somehow wound up within the confines of the City, he'd had those closest to him there. He'd found Kyo and Tohru, then Ritsu and Momiji, Shigure and Ayame. He and the cat had only just come to terms with one another, had only -just- become aware of who they were as people. Yuki had had nights where he was no longer plagued by dreams of the Sohma house and Akito, where he had finally felt safe. The way he'd always imagined a 'home' to be.
But in the space of mere weeks, everyone had vanished and he was left to an empty apartment with empty rooms and endlessly dark halls to pace when night came and he couldn't find that rest any longer.
Which was sure to at least be partially to blame for his body's sudden collapse. It was the first time he'd slept; really -slept- in weeks. Dimly, somewhere in half-consciousness he recognized that the sheets he laid on were much softer than his own, but mornings always dulled his senses to a blissful hum, so when that warm touch first sought him out, Yuki leaned into it. He was always so cold.
The lingering smell of cigarettes jogged his memory more quickly than anything that had ever woken him up before. Yuki’s entire body jerked with realization, coming from sleep into full- albeit still mildly feverish- alertness. “Wh-ah!”
A startled yelp and sudden pull later left a now naked and sleep rumpled Yuki dazed and half sprawled on the floor, having started so abruptly that he’d rolled right off the edge of the man’s bed, legs tangling in the still warm sheets as he tumbled to the ground.
An odd moment passed through Soubi when the boy leaned into his touch, however brief it was, drawing whatever warmth he had gathered through his -undoubtedly- restless sleep and into that smooth skin. He really couldn’t see it, still having refused to open his eyes. Such use of the other senses was almost a breathing beauty on its own, accepting the world for what it was through touch, smell, sight, and taste rather than relying on one’s vision to assess the surroundings. Of course, none of that really mattered the moment Yuki jerked himself away, incidentally falling and taking part of the blankets with him.
Ah, so adorable. Cheeks somewhat flushed and eyes gazing up at him.
“Quiet,” he murmured, voice still a little husky from just having awoke himself. Ritsuka wasn’t particularly bright and wonderful if roused prematurely, the way sounds echoed within the Cathedral, even the sleeping quarters, truly powerful. Besides, he wasn’t an early riser, though he didn’t have a problem gathering whatever energy he needed to follow through with daily routine, and the sight of a naked boy sprawled on the ground somehow amused him into a further conscious state.
But the color of his face and the way he was looking at him…
“How do you like the floor, Yuki?” came a soft tease, his lips edging into a thin smile even as he reached up to run fingers through slightly tangled locks of blond, mussing it even further.
Yuki’s mouth opened, as though ready to reply with anything from a flustered stammer to an annoyed growl in response to the remark- but nothing came. More than the shock, that had sent his heart racing a million miles an hour, it was unsettling.
He wasn’t entirely sure how he’d wound up in Soubi’s bed, how he’d slept so alarmingly well, or how he’d become comfortable to lean into his hands, but that didn’t prevent him from being terrified by it. After all, Soubi was not a particularly easy person for him to understand. When he’d first seen him, he’d recognized a sort of emptiness that was achingly similar to his own. But at the same time, he could cover such things up with offhanded flirtations-
The chill was creeping in from the floor, and though he managed to suppress a shiver, his skin pebbled in response. Yuki looked away, biting his lip thoughtfully before finding the words to say. “Could I have some clothes please?”
It was a surprisingly soft question, more like a breath of air or a sigh than actual words- but sometimes Yuki got tired of questioning the way people made him feel. Soubi had asked for quiet, Yuki hadn’t the heart to argue. He was half asleep, still slightly dazed, and now cold again.
He stretched a little as he listened to the boy speak, working slender fingers through the fine strands of his hair and contemplating the gentle request. Soubi wasn’t particularly sure where he could find something that would actually fit the other, Ritsuka being slightly smaller and he the complete opposite. Quietly, he mused such things before turning his head, wondering at the time and the urge to beckon the other back into the bed incredibly tempting.
Mm, such motivation never ceased to amaze him
“Rest a little more,” the blond suggested after a moment, voice loud enough for only Yuki to hear as he leaned over and tightened a hand in the tangled sheets, slowly pulling it back towards him. He didn’t particularly feel like moving much, still lethargic from the curse day beforehand. Plus, the boy’s complexion was fading a little, no longer pink but pale, and his body heat would have been much more efficient than him dressed and still cold.
The smile motioned tenderly. “It’s warmer.”
He blinked, once, twice. Trying to be certain if he’d heard correctly, but the gentle tugging on the blanket around him was a more than sufficient indication. Yuki was flustered. More than flustered really because he hadn’t expected such a request to be denied.
Eyes widened slightly at his comment- about warming up once more, and the next shiver rocked him a bit more forcefully than expected.
Instead of pressing an already denied subject, Yuki wrapped the blanket more tightly around his frame, doing his best to make the sheet serve as a set of make-shift pajamas before standing on slightly unsteady legs. He’d never been particularly fond of, or comfortable with his body, and as such usually took unnecessary precautions to wear more clothes than needed in any given situation- which now left him standing beside the blond’s bed, grappling with frightening and overwhelming degrees of vulnerability. If his expression betrayed him, it only flickered for a moment, before being forced away once more.
Yuki had never been particularly compliant with anyone other than Akito- but for some reason or another, Soubi’s lure had been effective. He swallowed hard, hesitating for a few brief moments before climbing onto the bed once more, shoulders shaking lightly from the occasional chill. He remained sitting, however, perched a fair distance away from the other, hovering just outside of arm’s reach.
Yuki certainly played the frightened little mouse he’d transformed into hours prior, the innocence a lure all on its own.
Soubi, of course, pretended to pay it no mind, releasing the material in his fingers and stretching out a little, his head dropping against the pillow as though in victory of a well-won battle. He rested like that for a moment, eyes hidden by the curtain of his hair, mouth pressed against cotton as he examined the other in that quiet way only artists did. Yuki sat relatively still, not so stiff as Soubi would have thought but close to it, the ivory of his skin and the fall of his hair beneath the fractioned natural light so incredibly intriguing.
He’d have painted had the desire to sleep not called to him so eagerly.
So, instead, fingers reached out to gently touch the boy’s thigh, the distance between them disappearing rather quickly as he frowned at the chill of the other’s skin. It was impossible not to feel it, even through the sheets drawn safely around him to hide the nudity beneath, and Soubi lightly grabbed at Yuki’s elbow, tugging him closer. It reminded him of Youji and Natsuo, a brief nostalgia of home before he shook it off and sat up enough to skim fingers over the boy’s cheek.
“It’s not warm there, Yuki.” And still he continued to pull gently at him.
Where Soubi’s hands had distracted him before, it was the golden sheen of his hair that caught his attention now. There were times, few that he had seen but had seen nonetheless, where the blond seemed like an entirely different person. Like now.
Despite his gentle urging, his eyes were more distant than Yuki could recall- if only for a moment. It was the nostalgic look that helped him forget the feel of smooth but deceptively strong fingers lingering on his skin and without so much as a second thought, the boy leaned over to gently brush those fine gold stands out of Soubi’s face- seeking out his eyes. His touch was delicate, barely a ghost across the smooth skin of the other’s cheek and forehead, as though Yuki was worried he might somehow hurt him.
It was surprisingly easy for him to be comfortable with Soubi when it had been so hard to grow accustomed to anyone else- especially so close. And they were close. Yuki had allowed his body to be drawn nearer than it had been before, half-kneeling at the man’s side but close enough to allow for the occasional touch if either gave the slightest movement.
“What are you thinking about?”
His hand pulled away quietly, but violet eyes regarded the other with gentle curiosity- worry.
The naivety of youth was such a precarious thing, Soubi mused quietly beneath a now unreadable expression, and he smiled at the boy who’d dared to ask such questions and touch him in such a manner. Precarious and…cute. Of all the things, Yuki had dared to question what few rarely did, would do to someone who truly thought so little of themselves on a frequent day-to-day basis. Even Ritsuka did not bother, though the expression was clear in his adolescent face.
He thought of nothing. Those were the first words to come to mind, immediate. Because it truly was nothing. A nothing of importance, nothing to be bothered with ever again. Since he was here and not there, this City of Cities. Amused, Soubi merely laughed.
“The best way to keep you warm,” he answered softly, liking the proximity and wondering just how much closer he could get to him before assumptions broke the peaceful lullaby amidst the air. It was a quaint thought…almost. Sitting up completely, moving so he could get a better grasp on the boy’s shoulders and pull that frail body into him, Soubi sighed. Heat; it was absolute.
No air. Was he breathing?
Carefully, even as he held Yuki, absently tugging at the blankets and drawing them closer, Soubi closed his eyes and thought of everything before until the scent and texture of the other dizzied him. He traced his fingers down the curve of the boy’s naked spine, feeling, only feeling before the edge of material stopped him, and it remained that way until he drew back, eyes once again clear. Betrayers to his soul.
“All right?” Soubi’s mouth turned into the briefest of smiles again as he stared. So pretty.
He’d done it again, Yuki realized. Though he said nothing of it, it was impossible for him not to notice the subtle changes in the way he moved, spoke, looked. There were things he was hiding, or at the very least, not saying and he hadn’t the words to explain why it unsettled him. But when the older man leaned forward to meet his gaze, Yuki’s brows furrowed slightly, as though trying to understand. Instead he spoke softly, almost trying to explain- “I am bound to warm up with you here.”
Soubi -did- have alarmingly soft skin, and tucked up against him, Yuki let the pads of his fingers trace over a delicate shoulder and linger, before continuing it’s path down his arm. Touch still nearly hesitant, almost reverent in its discovery.
But the feather light touch against his spine caused another shiver, and his body arched forward in response before he frowned slightly. “But you’re giving me more goosebumps when you do that” He murmured simply, burrowing his face between the delicate neck and shoulder of the other- almost as if trying to hide.
He didn’t understand. It was the only thing Yuki was certain of- that there was so much he didn’t understand. Like the way his stomach turned into knots when Soubi could brush off concern. The way that nostalgic, faraway look made him sad.
It -hurt-, and he didn’t know why.
Pity and sympathy were not emotions reserved for one like Soubi, and he knew it, could feel it in Yuki’s movements, his words. The way he curled himself into him, face pressed against him, his breath warm through the shirt he wore. Perhaps if he hadn’t had so much control over his own body, he would have shivered just as much as the other, pressed back. Nothing sexual about the gesture, though it could have been so easily misinterpreted.
Soubi certainly didn’t need of any of this, but his presence was somewhat…overwhelming. Somehow.
“Should I stop?” he questioned in return, fingers following their own path up to stroke over thin shoulder blades and higher, petting at the nape of the boy’s neck. Yuki felt sleek, pretty, and Soubi liked the way his skin almost melted beneath his touch as he continued to touch in random places. Briefly, he wondered if this was acceptable before ignoring it by pulling the slight body even closer, lips brushing hair as he tilted his face to the side.
This he’d never cared about at all.
Comfort.
He’d never been particularly gifted at recognizing the way feelings were -supposed- to be expressed, and similarly Yuki had always had a hard time trying to untangle the complicated knot of what others felt for him and how he was supposed to interpret it. But Soubi had managed to cross several of Yuki’s defenses in the time they’d known each other. So when he found himself pressed rather protectively against the warm hollow of the blond’s body, he wasn’t surprised that answers came easily.
This was…nice. And for the first time in so many years, he felt -safe-.
The slender fingers against his neck earned a soft sigh, warm breath brushing against Soubi’s collarbone. It was strange to find himself feeling cared for, or at the very least, to have someone genuinely want him near- but the man’s words made him pause.
Stop?
It wasn’t something he’d considered, but that word meant that whatever was passing between them in that moment must have more weight than he realized. After all, why would he -want- to pull away? Yuki was silent for a few moments, trying to grasp what it was that made Soubi say such a thing- but came up empty. His head lifted and Yuki rested his chin on the man’s shoulder, close enough that when his eyes shut, soft lashes brushed against the other’s cheek. He had no answer, and like so many times before, his voice remained soft but honest. “I don’t know.”
He wouldn’t be foolish enough to ask Soubi to make such a decision on his own, but at the same time, his own feelings were equally tangled up, a sad sort of confusion that lingered in his eyes if one were to seek it out.
Those words…
Soubi concentrated on them for a moment, tossing them lightly in his mind as if decoding its meaning, including those somewhat secretive, and he sighed. Such a thing as crossing boundaries had never really occurred to him, not caring whether or not his attitude or his personality or the smallest habit affected another in such a manner it brought indecision. But with Yuki so close to him, the brush of skin faintly tingling his own and completely numbing of the senses, Soubi found himself twisted.
An impossible thing. But god, it was true, and somehow, it frustrated him.
Like so many other things, the blond was reminded of Ritsuka. His beauty and fragility, much like Yuki’s own, but still so different. And the boy slowly wrapping himself around him just instigated more memories, emotions Soubi never really placed. Yuki felt like his Sacrifice when he held him, pulled him close enough to register body heat and warmth. So very much like now.
And if Soubi really did have a heart, somewhere, it ached bitterly.
He thought it was partial desperation that forced him to lift a hand and brush the cheek close to his own, fingering the smooth curve of his cheek before eventually pressing against that silky jaw. Soubi really couldn’t place it though. Even as he pushed Yuki’s head away from his own, tilting his face up, he couldn‘t figure it out. Eyes a little clouded, clearly unreadable, stared for a moment, still deciphering, and he eventually decided, breath a light whisper. It wouldn’t go much beyond this, not in the Cathedral, not with Ritsuka sleeping so relatively close. But for now, it was just enough.
Thus, space was crossed, Soubi tipping his head down to angle lips and kiss Yuki with the slightest touch, fleeting, and then, it deepened a fraction, fingers winding tightly in the sheets twisted around the boy against him.
It could have been interpreted as 'boldness', how when Soubi had reached out to touch his cheek his eyes had instinctively sought out the other's- but more than anything Yuki just wanted that heavy feeling to go away. Looking at the blond always tangled up his insides. He was frustratingly flirtatious and decidedly ambiguous with his affections, and yet still so persistent about it. Just enough to make him wonder if maybe, just maybe, he really meant something to the other man.
On his own behalf, he was slowly trying to unravel things. Soubi was just doing what he felt obligated to do, obligated to take care of him and see to it he was safe- much the same way Miss Honda had been. But at the same time...not quite the same. In her, he'd been seeking shelter and something, he admitted, something like a mother; but Soubi felt different. It was maddening.
Here, curled up against the warm skin and soft curve of his body, he felt something different. And while the delicate press of soft lips against his own made his heart skip a beat, those clouded eyes he'd been watching before spoke volumes. He wasn't the one Soubi was thinking about. And it made his heart hurt.
Yuki shut his eyes in a desperate attempt to block it all out, if only to enjoy the moment for what it was, body unconsciously pressing closer to the other's. He'd had few kisses in his past, but enough to know that instinct was the best course he could follow. His mouth yielded to the other's gentle pressure, one hand rising slowly to cup Soubi's cheek, thumb grazing his skin as his fingers wound into long blond strands.
The boy tasted of the early morning, an almost lazy flavor Soubi couldn’t distinguish as anything he’d really experienced in a kiss before. It wasn’t a disagreeable thing, Yuki’s naivety and audacity mixing into an odd sense of familiarity. He was somewhat passive as Ritsuka always was, forcing Soubi into the initiative of drawing out the kiss, widening it a little with the slightest flick of his tongue, but it wasn’t utter surrender. Soubi could feel those slender fingers playing in his hair, drawing tighter and melding them together.
And rather than pull away, pat the boy gracefully on the head, perhaps a kiss to the cheek, Soubi relented.
Using the fingers he’d twined into the material of the boy’s makeshift clothes, he slid his hand more firmly up Yuki’s back, pressing harder and pulling him even closer despite the angle they sat. He worked his opposite hand beneath an opening in the sheets, petting at warm skin, an almost calming motion rather than anything stimulating, liking the feel of this situation far too much than he was supposed to. So contrasting to the others he’d briefly been with, and yet so recognizable it almost hurt. But Soubi was accustomed to pain, wouldn’t even flinch had the boy decided to dig his fingers into exposed flesh in resistance.
Yet, he wasn’t, and…
His mouth broke from the youth’s lips, tongue a little hasty as it tasted skin, nose nuzzling to encourage the other to tilt his head back so he could kiss at his throat. It made little sense as to why he stopped thinking in these encounters, his brain shutting down, vacant of thought, and body going on instinct. Expert instinct.
And briefly, Soubi found himself whispering something against Yuki’s skin, but he was too caught up to really notice, squeezing the boy tighter to him as if suddenly afraid to let go.
The whisper ghosted warm air against already sensitive skin and Yuki felt his breath hitch, a small shiver working its way up his spine. Exhaling shakily, his free hand clenched tightly, fingernails biting into the tender flesh of his own palm. He was not naive enough not to know what the consequences of these actions were, but with the gentle press of a kiss to his neck it was easy to put the thoughts aside.
The man knew what he was doing frighteningly better than he did, but at the same time, Soubi himself seemed as if he expected to be lead or even hurt. It wouldn't have surprised him. The blond had an unnerving tendency to forget his own wellbeing for the benefit and usually, protection of another- the way he'd looked so startled to hear someone say they worried about -him-
His body yielded where guided, and he relaxed his grip, allowing both hands to reach up and tangle in his hair- to pull the man closer. And though he tugged once more, to guide the other's mouth up into a more forceful kiss, Yuki was terrified. Terrified that wanting to be close to Soubi and Soubi in particular, and that his willingness to proceed into this -tryst- would make him just like countless others.
But the arms around him tightened their grip and Yuki had to wonder at how easy it was for the other to break his heart. He knew he should try to stop this before it made an even bigger mess out of whatever it was that lay between them, but caught somewhere between wanting to relax into that embrace and wanting to kiss Soubi until the other's lips were bruised; he was lost.
Crushing. Breaking. Falling.
Dead.
Soubi reflexively arched into the smaller body, fully awake now, the sensation of Yuki’s hands pulling even tighter at his hair somehow exciting. It churned in the pit of his stomach, some form of mocking lust he shouldn’t have felt at all, but his thoughts were overturned, mixing into a pseudo-understanding of what this was and how it had happened. He liked to believe -certainly- this had nothing to do with current situations, the way he juggled things. Ritsuka and Seimei, Kamui, and now Yuki.
A Yuki he was almost furiously kissing, teeth nipping at the throat, hard enough to bruise without the intention before sliding back to the other‘s mouth.
What difference did it make if he could always have the things, the people still present in his life? What did it matter if he touched this boy, in this bed, in this forsaken building and could still go on without so much as a glance back? What…
A breath left his mouth, lethargically exasperated as he realized the fingers beneath the sheet had taken to squeezing and petting rather vigorously, a subconscious reaction to the empty thoughts in his head, and he hissed against skin, lips suddenly dry. He felt the tremble in his body, unable to control it despite the wield of constraint he possessed and enforced so strictly, suddenly rather cold and tired and falling through already broken glass to hit the ground below. Soubi dropped his head, forehead pressing lightly into the other’s shoulder.
“Yuki,” he managed, still unwavering in the way he spoke despite the tremor he recognized as it rolled down his spine, though faint. “Sleep now.”
Yes, sleep. Before his willpower completely dissolved altogether.
The tremor hit him like a wave of ice water; jerking away the pleasant and oh so alluring fog that he'd let himself indulge in so freely- to become painfully aware of the present.
Had he any less 'training' to keep such things under control, Yuki might have cried.
For the frustration, the confusion, the way his heart sank every time he caught a glimpse of sadness in Soubi's frighteningly deceptive eyes, the way he'd stopped considering what would be best for the man leaning against his shoulder for his own selfish desires. And just as quickly, his hands stopped- lowering to wrap reassuringly around the blond's neck. Hoping to offer what little he could in the way of comfort.
He kept his face hidden over the man's shoulder, unable to face him as he half-whispered, voice reproachful and sounding somehow dejected and distant. "I...am sorry. This was foolish of me." Yuki swallowed hard, trying to find solace in the feeling of Soubi's steady heartbeat against his chest, the rise and fall as he breathed. He had never been particularly courageous, especially when speaking about something as delicate as emotion, and he hesitated under the weight of it. "...I, care for you. But your heart is elsewhere."
There was nothing pleading, no question, no hint that he sought a rebuttal. He would not ask the man to lie to him. Instead, it was a simple statement of truth and despite his attempts otherwise, the undercurrent of sadness in such a statement remained.
If he could have placed it immediately, Soubi would have realized the heart Yuki spoke so softly about didn’t exist. Not really. And under the circumstances, it made sense to ignore what the boy said, dropping his hand from the warmth of such ivory skin and nudging his shoulder a little with his head, distracting and slightly pathetic all at one. He quietly mumbled something else, something that almost sounded like reassurance.
But what did he have to tell this boy that he didn’t seem to know already? So perceptive…
Slowly, Soubi lifted his hand to stroke at the other’s hair, liking the texture of it, how soft it felt beneath his fingers, and he eventually pushed him away, a silent suggestion at getting comfortable. He gently returned to lying down, mostly on his side and hair falling over his shoulder in a lazy curtain. Then, he reached for Yuki, drawing him there, pressing a light kiss to the naked curve of the youth’s arm before hiding his face against him.
Warm, so full of life. And it was better to say nothing as he wrapped himself around the boy in a lacking attempt to sleep.
He watched the man passively, through half-lidded eyes, but made no further attempts to speak. After all, what good would it do to rail against it? To protest and struggle and -fight- for love Soubi couldn't give. The pain that had once been so sharp in his hands had dulled to a subtle throbbing and he wondered vaguely, through disconnected consciousness, what kind of marks would be left on his palm. If seeing four red little half-moons the next day would make any of this seem real. Yuki didn't want to forget, didn't want to push this out of his head and try to ignore it-
It was almost surreal. Like stumbling through a dream he was too afraid to wake from. What would happen between them, after he left this bed? It hurt as much to stay as it did to try to convince himself to go.
When Soubi shifted, he remained still, allowing the other to be comfortable as he laid back against the pillows once more. Familiar hands tugged him down and Yuki did the only thing he could and wrapped his arms around the blond, as if trying to shield him, protect him from the outside world. Soubi did so much for so many, it was the least he could do to forgo his own unhappiness for the man- to give him what little he could offer.