Log; Complete

[redcrossboy.livejournal.com]

When; Dec 1, day
Rating; PG
Characters; Eugene Roe [redcrossboy] and Holly Short [captain_short]
Summary; After several tense days due to the slugs, explosions, and so on, Eugene and Holly finally sit down to sort out their thoughts and feelings. The end result is a little more than both bargained for -- but that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Log;

Eugene turned off his laptop computer to make sure he kept his attention on the matter at hand. He didn’t know exactly why he’d brought it up with her all of a sudden, but for the past few days, what with the slug invasion, the train explosion, the earthquake, him getting ill, and Holly draining herself trying to help everyone… The atmosphere was so tense between him and Holly. He’d just been concerned about her, but she obviously wasn’t used to it. But it was his job, wasn’t it?

The man collapsed on the couch, sighing heavily. No, he mused, it wasn’t just that.

Holly frowned as she closed the window on her helmet’s visor screen, having waited for some reply from Gene but not receiving one. She had spent the past two days after her recovery to make up for the one day of lost time, racing from one thing to another, just trying to get some control over the slug situation. It was difficult, and it wasn’t helping that she was distracted enough as it were. She suspected she knew what by, or more specifically - who by, but –

The elf shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest for speed as she jetted towards her apartment building. Enough time for thoughts later, she reminded herself.

Soon enough, she had arrived by the window, preferring that entrance to the door when she was in the air, and quietly pushed open the glass to drift in and land lightly on the floor.

Eugene didn’t move at all when she entered, though his eyes did follow her movement from the window to the floor. She was clad in her suit and helmet, completely alien to him in this mode, despite her very obvious height and the familiar wings strapped to her back.

“Take off your helmet, please,” Eugene requested, still not moving from his seat. “I want to see your face.”

And he did. He would rather talk to a woman than a blank unfeeling visor. He would rather look at the honey-copper pools of her eyes instead of cold black plastic.

She stiffened slightly at the voice, instinct taking over for a fleeting moment before she reminded herself who she was in the room with. Sighing behind the visor, she reluctantly raised a gloved hand to her helmet; an LEP officer never takes of his or her helmet. Regulations. But what did it matter here?

Eugene’s words hit her, then, and her hand froze for a moment. She was uncertain as to what he meant, exactly, but she knew that it had something to do with the tension between them. Over the past few days in particular… She couldn’t help it, being like that. It was one of the things that got her into trouble so many times before, her temper and instinct. But she shook that away.

Holly slipped off her helmet, savouring the fresh air instead of filtered helmet air as she shook out her short hair. Tucking her helmet under her arm, she turned to face the medic, head cocked and brows raised, even as one hand came up to massage the tips of her ears.

“Yes?”

He smiled a little, more so to calm his thundering heart than anything else, and stood up. He was easily twice her height, maybe a little less, which he instantly regretted since he didn’t want to tower over her. But it was one of those things he couldn’t help. He hoped they would sit down again, soon.

Eugene started for the ladder that led to the roof. “Let’s go,” he called over his shoulder. He would rather sit out there in the cold than in the suffocating enclosure of the apartment. At least out there, on the slug-free roof, there was fresh air and room enough to move around.

The man didn’t wait for Holly to follow. He hoisted himself onto the roof and gazed around, taking in the view. It was a beautiful December 1, and yet there was chaos underfoot. He mentally thanked God for granting them a quiet moment.

The elf blinked as Gene stood, the abrupt action taking her by momentary surprise. It was always so easy to forget he was so much taller than her whenever they sat for dinner or simply to talk. But there hadn’t been much of that lately, not with the insanity going around the City. Both had been called to do what they do best, and meals were rushed, words barely exchanged. For a while, she was glad for it, taking the time to concentrate on the matter at hand, and he had yelled at her!

…well, in hindsight, she knew she most probably deserved it.

Holly frowned again as Gene disappeared up the ladder and onto the roof. The small loft had come with their apartment, and there was a way from up there to get to the roof of the building, which was convenient, but why…?

Rolling her eyes, she put down her helmet, shrugged out of her wings and followed, scaling the ladder with movement and grace not unlike a cat’s. She found him on the roof, back facing her, and she resisted the urge to simply go back down to the apartment.

“Well?” she called over to him, standing by the way she came in. “What is it?”

Hearing her voice relieved him, because that meant she was interested and considerate enough to pay attention to what he had to say.

“Holly,” he began slowly, making sure to choose his words carefully, “I hope you forgive me for yelling at you. I… was stressed. The station, the hospital, the slug still in my head… Too much was happening, and too quickly. I guess I just lost my self-control. But,” he added, turning around, “I meant everything I said, and I won’t take it back. I just didn’t mean to say it so… harshly.”

Eugene turned his gaze skyward as he picked his words. “I don’t like this, the tension and the silence… though I know it’s partly my fault.”

Sighing heavily, Holly ran a hand through her hair, pressing the heel of her palm over her eyes. So that was what he wanted to talk about. It had been inevitable, anyway. If he didn’t bring it up, she probably would have… It was annoying. She would have snapped eventually.

Reluctantly, she crossed the rooftop to stand next to him, still a little ways away, but enough so that she could see him out of the corner of her eye. She rested her hands on the ledge and leaned out to look over the City, brows knit as she glanced over it while still listening to the medic speak. She startled at his last words, forgetting her resolve to not look at him just yet, doing just that, expression incredulous.

“Your fault?” she repeated, brows raised. She paused, an exasperated smile flitting across her features. “Not necessarily, no. I understand, I do – we’re all a little pressured right now but… don’t go giving yourself so much credit. I was the one who –”

She pressed her lips together, shrugging. “I was the one who didn’t listen. I probably deserved it, yeah?”

He managed to pull his lips into a smile. “I will admit, you’re really stubborn.”

The man trudged over to a makeshift bench and sat down, stuffing his hands into his pockets. Though it was the middle of the day and the sun was out, it was still cold enough to turn his fingers numb. It didn’t help either that he’d left his jacket in the apartment, and he was only wearing a thin shirt.

“But that’s not a bad thing sometimes,” he continued. “You at least keep to your work until you’re done. I… well, I try, but… I guess I don’t try as hard as you do. Otherwise, people wouldn’t be getting hurt as much.” He glanced at her briefly. “Right?”

Holly allowed herself a quiet chuckle at that. “So I’ve been told.”

She dropped her chin briefly as he moved towards the bench, staring at the thin cracks running along the ground, just to buy herself a little more thinking time, or simply to hide her face as she closed her eyes. D’Arvit. She hated when they did that, never minding who they were, exactly. Just people in general, human or fairy, and it, admittedly, hurt a little. Her job had come first again, and it was bloody well about time that she realised taking a step back to enjoy a moment would be a good idea.

She turned around to face him, lightly swinging herself up to the ledge to stand on it, needing to just move. She raised herself up on her toes, then back down, listening to him, and then shook her head.

“No, not right. I already told you that you try your best, and I’ve seen it. So don’t degrade yourself like that, it isn’t advised.” She blew a strand of hair away from her eyes as she paused, looking over the ledge again, thrilling a little in the small danger of just standing there.

“The only reason,” she explained, “why I keep at my duty here so much is that it’s the one thing that reminds me of home. That makes this place feel closer to a home. I need something to do, but this… slug thing…” She laughed quietly, looking back out over the City then back to him. “It’s a little too much to handle without company.”

And I’ve grown fond of your company, she added silently. I don’t like this any more than you do.

Holly climbed onto the ledge and started to move around on it—and Eugene lunged forward instinctively, grasping her wrist to keep her from falling. Maybe it was a little too much, maybe he shouldn’t be so worried, but she’d taken off her wings. She was so small, and what if she toppled over because of the wind or… or just because? And then what if --

Eugene snapped out of his panic, surprised at his own actions. At first he didn’t notice, but then he realized that the top of her head just reached his nose. It took him another few seconds to realize his fingers had slipped from her wrist to her hand, and he was holding it as tightly as possible.

“Uh…” he stammered, feeling his cheeks grow warm all of a sudden, and released her hand, “I—I’m sorry. I’m… Well, you… well.”

He caught her in mid-turn, just as she was spinning a little on her toes. Her mother was a willowy sort of European elf, a dancer, which was where Holly had gotten some of her grace from. Well-balanced, light-footed, nimble as a –

Instinct took over for a split second when he leapt forward, and she almost shimmered out of the visible spectrum right then and there. But she was caught mid-shield as well, and she froze, the rest of her, save for her hand - Is he holding it? - almost transparent. She let out a slow breath, willing her pounding heart to calm and eased back on her magic, coming into full view again.

She cracked a wry grin at him, wiggling her fingers in his larger hand but not pulling away. She suspected that if she did, then she really would topple over the ledge – and then he let go. She raised an eyebrow at him, still grinning all the while.

“Fast, aren’t you?”

What sort of witty comment was that?

He smiled sheepishly at her comment. Though he’d let go of her hand, he hadn’t pulled it away, so his fingers brushed tentatively against her knuckles.

“I’m fast enough,” he replied quietly, forcing himself to look her in the eye. He was trying very hard to not be awkward around her, and he was very glad they were much closer in height now, even if it was only because of the ledge. “But back to the topic… um, I’m still sorry. Go ahead and do your job, it’s what you love. Just let me do mine… and part of that is listening to me once in a while, all right? I say these things because I worry about you.”

Wait. Shit, the man swore mentally. I didn’t mean to say that. He hesitated then, lowering his gaze to his feet. He could feel another blush creeping into his face.

Well… it was the truth, wasn’t it?

“I really do.”

Holly’s grin softened to a smile when he looked up at her, though she didn’t notice it at first. Perhaps it was the tone to his words, or simply their sudden proximity that made it seem like her usual elfish grin was too much for the moment. She was vaguely aware of the feathery touch at her hand and her fingers twitched, instinctively wanting to pull away from the tickling sensation, but she kept them as they were. Besides, there were others things to focus on.

The elf felt her cheeks warm at his words, puzzled if not a little… flattered by them. She was grateful for the dark tone to her skin to hide the colour rising to her face and hazel eyes flickered away for a moment to regain her composure then back to him. Not many had said such a thing to her.

“…merci, Gene,“ came the murmured reply. She had been careful to stick to a human language; in her surprise, she almost slipped back into Gnommish. She fell silent a moment, then spoke again, tone a little more like herself than earlier.

“Once in a while,” she reminded Gene, chin tipped up slightly to look at him properly. She allowed herself a smirk. “I can’t promise how often, though.”

Her hand bumped against his, and, tired of being shy, he twined his fingers with hers. He wasn’t sure why the touch was comforting and why, instead of feeling guilty and drawing away, he instead sought her out. On one hand, still keeping him yearning for past days, was one blonde and very human woman, but here on the other was someone else. Someone too good to be a mere replacement, yet Eugene couldn’t help but wonder if that was how he saw Holly.

But no. They were vastly different people. Holly was too unique to be someone’s substitute.

“C’est vrai,” Eugene murmured. They stood so close now that anything more than a whisper seemed too loud. He returned to English: “And that’s why I yelled, why I got angry. You’ll find I don’t get angry often. But I did that time. Because I… well.” He could feel himself falling into her hazel eyes. They were so close, too close, and --

“I care about you.” It all fell together as he pressed his lips against hers. He hadn’t noticed he’d been leaning in, but it felt just right to kiss her then and there.

Holly had absolutely no idea what was going on here, exactly. The mood had changed too quickly that it was alarming, from cold, to serious to almost light-hearted banter again and now… this. What was this? She hadn’t done this with anyone. Well, perhaps there was that time with Major Trouble, but…

Focus!

But instead of an elf before her, it was a human. And even then, it was odd. It was… she couldn’t pick out a word. Puzzling? Utterly bewildering? Completely –

…hands. Touching.

A shiver ran up her spine at the soft words in French, and she was too disoriented to pull her hand away from his, though she was all too aware of it. He was leaning in as he spoke, did he notice it? She sure as hell did. What was –

“O-oh, well, I – that’s –”

The words wouldn’t come, and of course, it was perfect timing for the one thing she hadn’t expected. And even if she did, she wouldn’t have expected it from a human, much less Gene. This was her roommate, her friend and fellow soldier in this City, so just what… It was almost welcome. It had been a long time since she could properly feel like a female, and this –

No, not right! This isn’t -

She caught herself almost returning the kiss before turning her face away from it, heart pounding, panic threatening to take over. Suddenly her hand was too warm in his and they were too close and she didn’t know what to make of it at all. She took a half-step back and found that she couldn’t.

“Can’t,” she heard herself mumbling. She didn’t know what she meant, doing this now, or the two of them…

“Can’t…”

It was… warm. He hadn’t kissed someone in a long time—six months, was it? But that didn’t really count, since… well. If he thought about the last real time. Was it before the war? Had it really been that long? It was warm, and comforting, and it didn’t really occur to him that she wasn’t even human… but did that really matter?

But then he felt her break away and try to step back. Eugene grabbed her other hand in his, keeping her where she stood. “No,” he whispered. Their faces were still so very close together. “You’re on a roof. You’re going to fall off.”

He fought the urge to kiss her again. Instead, he took a couple of steps backwards and pulled her off the ledge and onto safety, and she was once again only three feet tall. Then he let go of her hands and continued walking backwards until the backs of his legs touched the bench. He sat down again, at her eye level for the second time, and rubbed his hands absently to warm them again.

“You look cold,” he commented as if ignorant of his own condition.

Holly didn’t even realise she was trembling, fingers almost numb to his touch when he took her other hand. Faintly, she noticed that her heels where hanging off the edge and she let him pull her down, but her mind wasn’t on what was happening now, but only a few seconds before. She didn’t know why he did it, or better yet, why she let him. Had it been anyone else, there would have been a broken nose in reply, but she hadn’t made a single move. Belatedly, she shivered at the rough tone to his voice, unused to it, but…

She blinked, finding herself staring back at him. She hadn’t noticed he had let go, walked back. Flushing, she dropped her gaze, curling her hands into loose fists, to keep out the cold, to retain the warmth of his hands, to punch something, she didn’t know. She held back the urge to touch her lips, biting down on her bottom lip as she tried to contain and control her thoughts. They were whirling, and she leant back heavily on the ledge, shaking her head slowly.

“I’m not,” came the absent reply. It wasn’t a cold answer, or angry, but not her usual light tone, either. It was soft, distracted, almost disbelieving. But she forced herself to speak, to try and make the situation as normal as possible.

“I can see that you are, though.”

She glanced up at him, hazel eyes unreadable as she studied him briefly. Her heart hadn’t stopped hammering against her chest. What was this? She should have some sort of glib reply, witty comment, cheeky smile - something, but he had thrown her off track and caught her off guard. No one has caught her off guard.

How the hell do you make a situation like this normal again?

Eugene watched her reaction carefully. He had to admit, he hadn’t expected himself to be so forward with her. He… well, he’d been very truthful, actually. He did worry about her, he did care about her. He just didn’t realize to what extent his feelings for her were. Sure she was child-sized, but she was strong and mature, and young—younger than him, even—and beautiful. Even when she was angry at him.

The kiss had been an accident, honestly. But then… he didn’t regret it, either. He just hoped she wasn’t too troubled by it. She hadn’t thought of any way to brush it off as if it were a trivial action, which meant she really was thinking about it.

“Yeah,” he finally answered. “I am. I’m not used to weather this cold. …Well, except for during the war. It was the coldest winter.” He managed a small smile. “To keep warm at night there’d be two or three of us to a foxhole. Sharing body heat is the best way to keep from freezing to death.”

Holly had no idea what to think. She took a breath, hoping that the cold fresh air would clear her mind, but all it did was burn her throat. She turned her face to look out over the City, the trees of the forest and the dim sparkling of the ocean beyond. Perhaps she would pay a visit there tonight, to do some thinking. But then she remembered that Cal was going to the Underground to solve the slug problem and she had plans on coming along. She groaned inwardly; how to do her job now that her mind was so clearly elsewhere?

It had been nice, she had to admit. Under all that numb shock, there was definitely something good about what had happened. She knew they had both… well, it had been a while. Was that it, then? She didn’t know why he did it, and the cynical part of her mind began prodding at the thought that maybe he only did it because she was simply female, and that passed the test. She refused to believe Gene would stoop so low, however it was difficult to suppress that.

Holly closed her eyes briefly, then looked back at him as he spoke, relaxing a little at his smile. A brief moment of hesitation, and she returned it. But then the next comment had come, and she felt a little bit like her old self again, rushing back as her smile widened just that much into a slight grin.

“First the kiss, and now this,” she replied lightly, falling back into herself again. She’d dwell on the serious aspect of this encounter later. “I do wonder what you’re suggesting, corporal.”

Whatever it was Eugene was expecting to hear, it was not that. He blinked at her, confused for a second by the sudden shift in mood, then cracked a grin.

“That’s up to your imagination,” he replied. Honestly, though he was informing her about the winter at Bastogne, a part of him—the very masculine and dominant and desirous part—hoped that maybe he’d get another kiss, at least. He didn’t really understand why. He could control himself pretty well, he decided. Better than the others, anyway, especially considering there were plenty of eager women at the towns they passed through.

“I do hope though,” he said quietly, seriously, “that I didn’t make you uncomfortable. I didn’t intend that. I didn’t even mean for… that to happen.”

The knot in her stomach eased at his grin, vaguely amused now by it and the words that followed. Men. No matter if there were Mud or Fairy, they were the same when it came to the banter.

“I’ve a vivid imagination, you know. Are you sure you want to leave it at that?” She refused to call it flirting, because that would just be… odd. Of course.

Holly noticed that she was still staying what would be considered a “good” distance away from him and decided that it wouldn’t do at all. Particularly since, just earlier on, she had been called a – augh, how annoying - she had been called a coward for hovering out of reach. As the encounter flitted through her mind, she absently dusted at the soot on her suit as she crossed the roof towards Gene. Might as well.

She stopped before him, willing her nerves to ease. The last time they had been this close was earlier on, and look what happened. But she wanted to speak to him properly, not like some young fairy that had never seen a dashing pixie. She didn’t know what she expected, or what he wanted, really. Humans were so confusing; so like fairies in some way, and completely foreign in others. Her fist curled unconsciously at her side at his words, again, the cynical part in her mind screaming at her that he had just done it out of convenience. He was male, it was what they did.

“Oh.” She didn’t even realize she was speaking. It hurt her a little, that he didn’t mean it, but she didn’t understand why it should affect her even that miniscule amount. She forced an airy laugh, a nonchalant tone. “No, of course not. You did catch me off guard, though, so points to you for that. No one ever does. You’re all right, then? Everything’s fine?”

She crossed over to him, and his heart beat just a little faster. But why? Well, maybe it was because deep down he knew he really was attracted to her despite the obvious differences, and that he’d really enjoyed the kiss. If she was nearing him that meant he hadn’t scared her off—currently the best thing, to be sure.

The man nodded vaguely at her question, wondering if her offhand attitude was a guise for something she didn’t want known. Her somewhat disappointed tone right before she casually waved his words away definitely said so. “Yeah. Everything’s fine,” he said. “As long as it’s fine with you.”

He noticed how close they were again, and he again could look into her eyes without peering down too far. He liked it when they were the same height; it felt more natural.

“Holly,” he began, a little fearful of her reaction, “are you all right? And will you please be honest for me, just once?”

The elf hesitated, then. She had a feeling that he would ask some sort of question, and for the second time in the space of only a few moments, Holly found that a quick reply was far from reach. Not even Artemis had been able to render her speechless; she always had some sort of cheeky comment right on hand, just as he did. It was the game they played, witty banter. It was an easy defense, but… She found that she couldn’t do the same here. It would ruin something, or at least hurt it, if she let out the first thing that came to mind. She had to be careful with her words, her tone, everything.

Her smile flickered then faded, and she caught his gaze for a moment before dropping that as well. What should she do? It felt strange to just stand there, so still, no touch or movement. But now she was worried that even the slightest wrong move would send this into all new heights of surreal. It was hard enough as it was to believe what was happening.

She bit her lip, shrugging a little. Time for the truth, she supposed. She had lied to him before, he deserved something for her. But what else could she say to that question? There was no answer…

Holly let out a slow breath; “I don’t know,” she admitted softly. “Honestly? I… don’t know, Gene.”

He knew that this time she was being truthful, so he nodded solemnly despite the slight disappointment. Then, slowly so as not to surprise her, he reached out and pulled her into a hug. It was only the second time he’d held her so close, but he thought perhaps this moment of indecision was a good time for a little comfort. He wasn’t sure if she’d push him away, but she hadn’t yet, so he gladly risked.

“It’s okay,” he murmured into her ear. “It’s okay to not know. It’s okay to be uncertain or scared or confused or… angry, disgusted, spiteful. I will still… like you very much.”

She froze as his arms wrapped around her, heart beating so fast that she was surprised she hadn’t shimmered out of the visible spectrum. And yet, here she was, still visible and still very solid and… She swallowed roughly, trying to force herself to relax, but her body wouldn’t, muscles tense and – Frond, were no truer words ever spoken. Scared, uncertain, confused?

Hell, yes.

Her mind began concocting all sorts of explanations for why now, why this, why him. Another curse, maybe? Was that it? She didn’t dare voice it aloud. After a few seconds, though some part of her regretted it, she slid her hands down to his chest and gently pushed away, averting her gaze.

“We can’t,” she said, repeating her words from before. She willed her voice not to shake. “This isn’t… I’ve only known you for a few – and I’m a fairy, we can’t… It’s not… Gene, you’re my friend, I don’t know…”

Oh, gods. What now?

Eugene released her when she finally did push away, and he nodded slowly, closing his eyes briefly before tilting his head back and gazing at the sky. He should’ve expected this, should’ve known she’d reject him. It was too early and unstable, and there’s no way it would have worked out anyway. He should just stick to human women.

“Sorry.” He looked back down at her again, and when he spoke he kept his voice quiet. “I’m sorry. I know, have known, but… I guess when you care for someone a lot it doesn’t matter anymore. I thought at first you were like a little sister, but that just didn’t feel right.” He shrugged, now shaking his head at his foolish actions.

“But you’re right. You’re right, we’ve only known each other for… what, three weeks? I guess it… It’s too soon.” The man lowered his gaze to the roof, gnawing nervously on his bottom lip. “I’m just being stupid again.”

He knew that she’d protest that, as always. But he was being honest.

Holly winced when he let go, caught him turning his face away from her out of the corner of her eye. She didn’t know what else to do: keep silent? Would that have made things better, or simply postponed the inevitable?

She looked back up at him at the apology, chest tight. He didn’t have to. She didn’t blame him, there was no need. It shouldn’t matter, he was right. But on some level, it did. He kept on speaking, she wanted to stop him right there, interrupt, protest. The words wouldn’t come, and then he finished, and there was silence again. She couldn’t stand it.

“No, don’t,” she said quietly. “It is. I agree with you, it’s too soon for anything… for… whatever this is.” Hesitantly, she brought up a hand to turn his face to face hers, fingers callused against his jaw. It was almost a caress. “Look at me,” she continued firmly, keeping her voice low. “Don’t apologise; I see no need for it. And besides…”

She released him, then, allowing herself a tiny smile before taking a step back. “What’s ‘soon’ for a fairy?”

We’ve time, she thought, surprising herself with it. I never said waiting was bad.

Eugene felt a little surge of hope—it was small and feeble but it was still hope—when he felt her palm against his cheek. He let her turn his face, but he only raised his eyes when she commanded it. And at least she saw and acknowledged his feelings. Despite the wait, he felt greatly relieved that she hadn’t completely rejected him.

“I guess,” he replied, smiling back, “that we’ll be stuck here for a while, anyway. We can wait.”

Holly felt her muscles ease back, the buzzing of magic under her skin subsiding. That only ever happened when she was in the heat of some sort of firefight, with tensions running high and adrenaline, the thrill of combat. Why here? She didn’t want to dwell on it now; she curled her hands to rid them of the tingle, and then smoothed them down her uniform, straightening a little as she reminded herself of her duty later tonight.

“I need to go,” she told him, already thinking ahead to the Underground. “I’m still on duty, I’m afraid. But I’ll see you later tonight, yeah?”

The elf hesitated a moment, then, before she could regret it, raised up on her tiptoes and touched her lips playfully to the tip of his nose. And with that, she glanced over her shoulder, cheeks flushed as she shot him a cheeky grin.

“Ta, Gene.”

Then she was gone.