Log; complete.

[empathed.livejournal.com]

When; Today.
Rating; PG
Characters; Hisoka empathed and Tsubaki lady_camellia
Summary; In which Tsubaki gets attacked, Hisoka has yet another heroic entrance (much to his dismay), Tsubaki gets angsty, Hisoka gets double angsty, and then things get better. Sort of. Hisoka doesn't know.
Log;

She didn't like this. She didn't like this. This wasn't how death was supposed to be. It was supposed to be...nothing. She wasn't supposed to have to think. But instead that was all she could do.

Was this where the dead went? If Hibi--...Hisoka was here, then did that mean it was? He was a Shinigami, after all. She remembered him telling her that. She remembered seeing that knife in his hand, and she remembered....the gun.

He was supposed to have ended it for her. So then what was this?

Trembling, Tsubaki remained in her hiding place, hidden in a large berry bush as she tried not to think about the bloodstain and small tear in her dress. Every sign of a bullet wound, but no actual wound. She certainly had scratches, of course, and dirt all over her... But what was to be expected when you were crawling around hiding in bushes?

And what was that ticking? It was driving her crazy!

Suddenly she heard a different sound and blinked a few times before looking up. "...Hisoka?" Leaning over, she started to crawl forward out of the bush, only to come face to face with what looked like...a giant rabbit?

With horns. And fangs.

The scream she let out then was enough to send birds flapping.

He had been wondering how he'd find her, given the size of the forest, but thinking about it, it made sense she'd run into something. And panic.

He ran as fast as he could, ready to unsheath the katana at his side if needed as he closed in on Tsubaki's position. Not that it would matter if he didn't get there in time, came the bitter thought that he quickly shoved aside. He might have killed her before, and this might be the cruelest thing the City could do to him, but it didn't really matter at the moment. What mattered was getting to her, keeping her as safe as he possibly could. Why did she have to arrive so shortly after his nightmares?

Hisoka caught sight of the rabbit monster before he noticed her, katana in hand and strike flawless as he stood between the two. She didn't need to see it die, his katana stained in the blood from its heart. His hands twitched, remembering being stained in her blood, and he glanced over his shoulder at the slim girl he'd killed before, unable to say anything.

Tsubaki had just been in the process of holding her arms above her head in some meager defense before she realized that she hadn't been eaten. She opened one eye to squint for a moment before finally lowering her arms and looking up to see that Hisoka had indeed come to save the day....and apparently he had been training previously?

Should she feel guilty, knowing she had interrupted that? She really didn't. She was much too relieved that he had saved her from being killed...ah...again.

Reaching up with one hand to clutch at her opposite arm, she forced herself to stand, looking at him for a long time before glancing to the sword and back to him. The animal was too huge to not see, and the sight should have made her ill, but she was just...too...confused.

"...You have blood on you," she whispered lamely, reaching out to wipe at his shoulder, as if that was going to help anything.

Well of course he had blood on him. The spray from the wound he'd inflicted had been unavoidable, although fortunatly it hadn't gotten all over his hakama. That would be a pain to explain, if Tsuzuki found out.

"It doesn't matter," he muttered, wiping the katana off and sheathing it once again. "You do too, after all." He took quick note of her current state, the blood stain from where he'd shot her, all of it flooding his mind as it had been for the few nights previous. He needed to get her out of here.

"Can you walk?"

"Oh... I guess I do..." The girl slowly looked down to her dress again, then moved her arm back to cross over it. It was only a tiny tear in the dress. Certainly not enough to reveal anything... But she had been raised to be decent, after all, so she couldn't erase the need to cover even that tiny hole.

At Hisoka's inquiry, she weakly nodded before taking a step forward, ready to follow up. "I...think so..."

She looked ready to fall over and Hisoka simply sighed, moving to her side and effortlessly picking her up. "I'll take that as a no." The shinigami held her close, careful not to let her bump against the katana as he started walking.

He kept relatively quiet, focusing on the path ahead as opposed to the girl in his arms, but he couldn't help himself from quietly saying "I'm sorry, Tsubaki-hime."

She honestly hadn't expected him to go so far. Tsubaki would have tried to walk, but when he moved to pick her up, even though she let out a surprised gasp, she didn't think to object. After all, he had already proven that he was strong. With a sigh, Tsubaki shut her eyes and rested her cheek against his shoulder, wrapping both arms around his neck.

Not as strong as Sensei, though...

Oh. Sensei. The very memory hit her like a brick in the face, and she nearly convulsed at it. The timing was awful, as it was right after Hisoka's apology, so she had hardly heard it.

When it registered, though, it seemed to calm her down a bit. Or was it just shock again?

Sorry? For what? Killing her? That was what she had wanted...but... Not this. "This..." Tsubaki's voice trembled. "Is this the afterlife? Why am I here? I don't...want to be..."

"It's not the afterlife." He waited until they were out of the forest before setting her down again, saying nothing further. He wasn't really sure what to say, after all. She was dead, and he'd killed her. He wasn't even sure what he was thinking, rushing off to find her, carrying her back, staring at her - he realized he was staring, and decided to avert his gaze to the ground instead. "This place... you shouldn't be here, Tsubaki-hime. None of us should."

Once she was set down, Tsubaki tested her footing by shifting her weight a bit, just to make sure that she could walk if needed. Then, she looked up at Hisoka once more, and over her shoulder to stare at the edge of a city that was...like nothing she had ever seen before.

There were people of all races, and their clothing reflected many different cultures and eras, but most disconcerting where the ones that weren't humans. Occasionally she could see someone walk by with wings, or even horns, and she was quick to turn back to Hisoka, both hands lifted to cover her face.

As a result, her voice was muffled, but she was trying to sound stronger than she felt. "I... I don't understand."

He hadn't expected her to, but he wasn't about to explain the entirety of the City's workings to her at this moment. Even if he did, there were things he'd keep back. Like Muraki's presence, not that he'd be able to keep that quiet for long. The doctor would probably make himself known to Tsubaki soon enough. But Hisoka just shrugged.

"You'll hear the ticking if you're alone, so stay close to me." As much as he was loathe to admit it, he was really going to have to watch who she talked to. Playing keeper wasn't what he wanted, but he'd hate himself even further if Tsubaki got caught up in something she couldn't handle because he hadn't prevented it when he could.

He didn't mention anything further, sure it would probably simply overload her mind with information. He'd fill her in later, slowly, patiently. After he was sure she'd rested. Since she looked like she could move freely he moved off slowly, motioning for her to follow as he walked towards the building that housed his room. "I really am sorry," he added, more for himself than her this time.

Tsubaki wanted to know more, but she had a feeling that she wasn't going to get anything else out of him. Knowing that the ticking would continue to cease so long as she stayed near him, she was more than happy to follow at his side, one hang reaching to clutch at his sleeve for childish comfort.

Why did he keep apologizing? Did he really feel guilty? Perhaps...it had been wrong of her, to ask him to do such a thing, but he was a Shinigami, right? Wasn't that sort of thing his job? Or maybe she had gotten it all wrong.

Just like she had with Sensei.

Swallowing heavily, Tsubaki moved closer to his side, nearly hiding in his sleeve now. "You have nothing to apologize for... You...Father...and Irene..." Oh, the memories. She was nearly feeling ill again. "You were the only ones to ever care for me."

He looked down in shock at the hand on his sleeve before continuing to stare right ahead. No way was he doing anything about it, and like hell he'd let her actually hold his hand. He just know someone here would have something to say about that. But her next actions... He 'hn'-ed in response and paused as she creapt in closer, all pretense of not caring quickly evaporating. Damn girls, making scenes in public.

Picking her up again with a sigh, he continued on his route, muttering darkly "we'll talk about it later." He glared at someone who looked ready to laugh before finally reaching his building and kicking the door open, reluctant to put her down for whatever reason. He didn't want to know what his mind was up to right now, and instead set to work on tackling the stairs up to the right floor.

The tone in Hisoka's voice scared her enough to certainly make her shut up, so Tsubaki merely bit her lip and curled up a bit. When they reached the stairs, she wrapped her arms around his neck again in order to make it easier on him.

She wanted to tell him that he didn't have to carry her all the way up, but she didn't want to irritate him more than he already was. After waking up after she was supposed to have been killed, Tsubaki didn't seem much too interested in arguing right now.

Still, she did at least cling to him tightly, fingers curling against his back for a decent grip so that she would hopefully seem a little lighter.

Another thing he didn't get - girls and hugging - but by now they were inside so he didn't care so much. Her efforts were wasted, since he wasn't really paying much attention to how heavy she felt. He hated admitting he was paying any attention at all to the way she felt in his arms, of course, but it wasn't like he could just ignore her there either, so he tried his hardest to keep his mind off it entirely. The further away from her his thoughts were, the better.

Reaching his door he set her down, not wanting to kick the door in on the off chance Tsuzuki was actually about and awake, but opened it quietly for her instead. He wondered briefly if she was hungry, but his main concern was letting her rest. Even if he had carried her just about the entire distance, she still looked exhausted.

Tsubaki wobbled a bit once she was finally set down, but only because she had gotten so comfortable being carried the entire way. When the door was opened, she folded her arms beneath her breasts to help keep herself warm. She hadn't even realized how cold it had been until she was actually inside where it was warm.

Tentatively, the girl stepped in and glanced around, then paused to slip out of her sandals. Her voice was quiet, but only because she was still dealing with the shock of the situation, not because she figured that people might be sleeping in the apartment.

"This is your home?" The home of a Shinigami looked just like a normal home.

"For as long as I'm here." He shut the door, slipping off the waraji and heading towards his room, leaving her be for the time being. Rifling through his closet he took his time to think about the situation. Hisoka hadn't planned on bringing her back with him, but he really didn't have anywhere else for her to go. Here, he'd be able to keep a close eye on her, at least. And while he knew someone like Tenten wouldn't object to being asked to look after Tsubaki, he didn't want to draw anyone else into this.

And, he mused, he didn't want to leave her alone. Not yet. He sighed again, cursing himself as he slipped off the katana sheath, throwing it towards the bed half heartedly. There wasn't much else in the sparse room beyond a table and chair, his gun, and the rest of his clothes, and as such there was nothing to distract his thoughts as he finally pulled out a sweater for her, resting his head against the closet door.

Not wanting to push her luck, she didn't ask where he was going. Logically, she figured he was probably just changing, or...using the toilet or something, but she still felt horrible standing there by herself. All she could do was remember her last moments alive.

She had betrayed Hisoka, and Sensei had betrayed her. It had been a pathetic death on her account, and she really had not a shred of dignity left after such an event. She certainly didn't have the right to be called Tsubaki-hime anymore, at least.

Finding that her thoughts were only making her feel worse, she decided to explore what seemed safe territory. She wouldn't go down the hall, but she did decide to poke around the living room a bit. It was so clean... Did he have a maid, or was Hisoka just a very clean person? He seemed like the type to be clean...

Eventually she found herself in the kitchen, staring at all of the sweets sitting in the fridge in shock. Hisoka seemed to like desserts. ...A lot. Funny, he hadn't seemed like the type...

But it was no secret now that Tsubaki seemed to be terrible when it came to reading people.

"Here." He held the gray sweater out to her, watching her from what he found was the relative safety of the doorway. "I wouldn't eat any of that. It's Tsuzuki's," he added, noticing the cookie in her hand. He didn't mention that it was because Tsuzuki had made it that he didn't trust it, leaving it up to her to infer the warning however she wanted.

Hisoka's voice made her nearly jump a mile, and she turned with a somewhat guilty expression on her face. His warning didn't help, either, and her soft smile was sheepish as she quickly set the cookie back down on the plate. "A--ah... I'm sorry..." She'd been caught red handed eating someone else's food without even asking.

Apparently she'd lost her manners with her dignity. Sighing, and feeling plenty embarrassed, she walked over and reached out for the sweater curiously. "Ah, is it yours?" Eager to get warm quickly, and cover up a little bit, she pulled it over her head, then hugged herself with a smile that was still rather forced, but at least a little brighter looking.

"It's so soft. Thank you, Hisoka. So, your friend is here too, then?"

"Maybe." He didn't know and didn't feel like checking if Tsuzuki was in. The older man could deal with himself for today. "I'll get you something safe to eat," he added, moving around her and into the kitchen proper, finding all the needed ingredients to make a sandwich quickly enough. It was something else to distract himself, really, although Hisoka berated himself; he should have known she'd be hungry.

He'd have to go out and get her proper clothes too, although he'd seen her in nothing but dresses. He had no idea what girls wore, now that it was on his mind, so... He'd have to sort something out. As much as it would pain him to ask advice on getting her clothes from anyone, it would need to be taken care of. As would restocking the kitchen, considering. Tsuzuki really didn't care that Hisoka needed real food.

Tsubaki watched quietly as he gathered the condiments, assuming he was going to make something. A sandwich? She hadn't had one of those in awhile, except as finger foods. Ah, he was making it so carefully, too.

The oddly normal situation seemed to help take her mind off her woes, at least for now. Or perhaps she was just trying to fall back into denial. Life was happier that way.

Plus, she could tell Hisoka was trying hard to make things right, somehow. Reaching out, she tapped his shoulder. "Do you need help?"

He'd been deep in thought at that point, and the knife he'd been using was rather sharp - being jerked out of his thoughts his first instinct hadn't been, regretfully, to draw the knife away from his hand and it bit into his flesh. With a scowl, he dropped it, moving to the sink to rinse the blood off as he glanced back at Tsubaki, half expecting to see her burst into tears. "...It's not your fault."

The sudden sight of blood made her turn nearly white, and she ignored what he said to lean over and grab his hand. "I--I didn't mean to...! You need a bandage!" Then she froze, watching as the cut closed up right in front of her.

And then she remembered. He had shown her once before...

Before... When he had told her about...his past.

Shutting her eyes for a moment, Tsubaki opened them again to peer up at him with an immense sadness as she clutched his hand in both of hers. "...Does it still hurt?"

She wasn't talking about the forgotten cut.

Hisoka freed his hand quickly, glaring at her. That had almost kicked in, and he didn't want it to. Not around her. "No," he responded quickly, harshly, almost regretting it but knowing it wouldn't have come out any other way. He moved past her to clean up the rest of it and the knife, cursing himself. He should have known better than let himself get hurt in front of her.

His response made her draw back as well, and she was quick to look down at her bare feet. Toes curling against the tile, she shifted uncomfortable for a moment before murmuring, "I'm sorry..."

This wasn't any good. All she seemed to do since she got here was upset him in some way. Not that he had exactly been Mr. Smiles when she had known him before, but he seemed much shorter with her now. Of course... Who could blame him? After everything she had done...

Tsubaki reached up to rub at her cheek absently with the sleeve of her sweater as she quietly excused herself to locate the bathroom. Once inside, she leaned back against the door until it clicked shut, then she turned the lock and slid down until she was sitting on the floor.

With her knees hugged against her chest, Tsubaki buried her face in her arms and let the tears spring forth. This was too hard. It was so hard to smile anymore. She had nothing to live for. She wasn't even living. It was some sort of half-life; a cruel, twisted joke that would never let her mind rest.

It was punishment. She was being punished.

He stared at his hands for the longest time before noticing her absence. With a sigh he finished cleaning, rescuing the rest of the sandwich and making it as presentable as he could and leaving it on the table for her.

She'd said.. the bathroom, hadn't she? He knocked on the door, waiting for a response he knew wouldn't come. Knocking again, he glanced at the floor, unsure if he had anything he could say. He wasn't that good at comforting people, after all.

By the time he had come to check on her, Tsubaki had washed the tears off her face, and was working on the light scratches the bushes had inflicted on her arms, having temporarily needed to pull the sweater off to do so.

When she heard the knock, she bit her lip and tried to ignore it, but the second knock finally made her stop and dry off her arms before she pulled the sweater back on. Absently combing her fingers through her hair, she reached over and unlocked the door to peek out at him.

Once again, she smiled like it was nothing and brushed past him. "Bothering a girl in the bathroom. Hentai."

Hisoka grabbed for her hand before he could stop himself, pulling her into a hug and willing, hoping, praying to whatever wanted to hear him that his empathy wouldn't kick in again. Not now. "Sorry," he murmered quietly, half of him wanting to just drop to the ground there and then and beg for the forgivness he really wanted, the other half demanding he stay standing, let her adjust to the situation she was in and be as helpful as he could.

Torn between the two options he just stood there, unable to offer anything else. He'd already removed his weapons, already stopped caring if people were watching him. So why he couldn't stop acting like he did around other people he didn't know. But Tsubaki didn't deserve that, and he held her that much tighter, repeating himself. "I'm sorry."

The hug caught her completely off balance in more ways than one, and all she could do was stumble into the embrace and stand there stricken before her eyes welled up with tears that she had thought she had stopped shedding. They remained just on the edge, though, ready to overflow at any moment as she hunched up her shoulders.

"Why...? Why... Why do you keep apologizing... It's not..." She yanked back to stare up at him, her expression torn between anger and misery as she curled one of her hands into a fist and pulled it back to slam against his shoulder. Not very hard, really... She wasn't even trying to get away. It was just a childish, simple-minded way to vent her frustration, just like her sudden yelling as the tears did overflow.

"It's not your fault! It's mine! What Sensei said...what he did to me... I let him! And I did all those things! I tried to kill you! I killed them! I killed my FATHER! He showed me for what I was my entire life...a puppet! So don't... Don't! Stop being...so nice..." She slumped then, lips trembling as she stopped hitting him, instead gripping his shoulder as she looked down through her tears.

"I don't...deserve it. Not even the peace that's supposed to come with death."

He couldn't help it, picking her up once more and carrying her through to his room. "You do deserve it. I.. gave it to you. You shouldn't be here." He deposited her on the edge of the bed, kneeling down in front of her and wiping away her tears carefully. She hadn't given him what he wanted, but he wasn't going to force it out of her either.

"At least you didn't slap me this time," he half joked, pulling the covers back for her. "But don't call yourself a puppet, Tsubaki-hime."

Turning away once she was on the bed, she pushed the covers away defiantly and wiped at her own eyes. She couldn't help being this miserable and angry. She wasn't trying to act angry with him, but she felt so helpless...and who was there to run to? Not her father. Not her doctor.

"Then don't call me Hime! Not anymore. I don't care what you say, but I know this is punishment. This is what they call justice, isn't it?" She didn't want to be awake anymore, but she was also hungry, and she still felt cold for some reason, and she was only just now realizing she had no heartbeat, and that it was such a strange feeling.

"If I'm here to repent, then I won't be coddled!" She tugged off the sweater and threw it onto the bed, then walked a few feet away to stare at the floor as if it might be an alien before gingerly taking a seat and folding her arms across her chest. "I'll sleep here. And when I wake up, and since I believe I'm dead, I don't need to eat."

He blinked, taken aback by her actions. Standing, he grabbed the sweater, dropping it on her head as he left the room. Honestly, he couldn't handle people.

Grabbing the sandwich from where he'd left it, he brought it through, leaving it on the desk as he finished pulling the covers down on the bed. Sparing her a glance he shut the door, contemplating locking it just in case, to keep her there... It seemed cruel, but if she was going to act like this, then he needed to do something to make her realize she'd have to listen to him. Mind made up and key safely in hand, he walked back over to the desk, grabbing the katana on the way and leaving it there with the gun and key, exchanging them out for the sandwich.

Kneeling in front of her again, he held it out. "Eat it, Tsubaki-hime." He wasn't in the mood to argue with her. "If you want to be punished, then fine, but for now you're going to do as I say."

Tsubaki watched him with wary eyes as he moved around the room with an obvious purpose in mind. What that purpose was, she wasn't sure, but there was no way she was giving in.

Instead, she picked up the sweater that had fallen off her head and into her lap, and took her turn to throw it right at him. The image of a sweater draped over Hisoka's head and the sandwich would normally have been very comical, but she wasn't exactly in a laughing type mood. Keeps her arms folded across her chest, she shut her eyes and looked away.

"No! I don't need to eat! And leave me alone! The ticking should be perfect punishment."

Inwardly, he sighed. Locked in a room with this? Not his ideal way of spending any day whatsoever. "Tsubaki-hime," he growled, setting the plate down and removing the sweater from his head. "You do need to eat, even if I have to force it into you." Hisoka didn't want to have to deal with this, but here she was in front of him. If it was anyones punishment, it was his.

He reached out, forcing her to turn back to him as his expression softened. "Why won't you just let me do this?"

Tsubaki was having a hard time looking determined when Hisoka was looking upset. With a sigh, she looked down at her lap. Why couldn't he understand? And she thought he could read emotions.

Or maybe he could, and he knew that giving in would hurt, so...in a way...giving in was a punishment?

It was a roundabout way of thinking, but that sandwich smelled good.... For a sandwich.

After twiddling her thumbs for a bit, Tsubaki leaned over a bit and took the tiiiiniest of bites before sitting back to chew and swallow.

He sighed, leaning back, suddenly very, very exhausted. "Thank you." Leaving the sweater for now he stood back up. He'd have to move the gun and sword out of her reach, but he didn't want to leave her alone right now. Too many things, he decided, glancing down at her.

Far too much all at once.

And he was feeling uncomfortable in his hakama. "It's not going to kill you," he muttered, commenting on the small piece of sandwich she'd managed to eat. His cooking wasn't that bad. And it was a sandwich. There are only so many ways you can fuck one of those up, and Hisoka was sure he hadn't managed any of them.

She glanced down to the sandwich solemnly. He had a point. And it didn't taste bad.

She hesitated only another moment before taking a larger bite. It was still dainty, of course, but that was merely how she ate. So for her, she was taking quite a big bite, and trying her damndest not to enjoy it. She couldn't enjoy punishment, darnit.

And yet she was, though she tried to hide it. She also felt a bit awkward simply sitting there and eating while he watched, but she tried to ignore that and ate until it was finished. Once that was gone, she found herself wiping any stray crumbs from her lips so she could lick them off. Eating had actually made her feel a bit better.

...Which was no good! Augh.

Frowning, she bowed her head a bit. "Thank you for the meal."

He realized he'd been staring again and glanced away, nodding in response before offering her his hand to stand up again. "You should rest."

She fidgeted again for a long moment before her eyelids drooped a bit and she sighed, nodding. She just...didn't have the energy to argue anymore. She didn't usually have to deal with people who were even more stubborn than her.

Reaching up, she took his hand and stood, then looked at his bed for a long moment before inching over and taking a seat on the edge. Then she looked down at her lap, still feeling so confused about all of this. She was acting completely on trust here, really, simply believe every word that came out of Hisoka's mouth.

Well, all except for the her not being a puppet part.

"...What will you do while I rest?" She didn't want to be alone, really, despite that she had demanded he do so earlier. Her childish urges kept showing up. She did want to be comforted, and for the hurt to go away, but deep down she knew she didn't deserve it.

So she wouldn't ask. "I--I just want to know so that when I'm done resting, I--I...U-um..." Tsubaki failed at coming up with a good excuse.

As much as he'd love to go and finish up the match she'd unwittingly interrupted, he could tell she didn't want him to leave. With a sigh he sat down on the other side of the bed, keeping his back to her.

"I'll be right here." Or at least, for the most part. He hadn't forgotten about his weapons, nor that he'd need to get her clothes. But he could take care of that while she was asleep.

She smiled, and she was glad that he couldn't see it. Pulling her feet off of the floor so that she could pull the covers up to her waist, she glanced over to him again.

"Ne... Hisoka..."

"What is it, Tsubaki-hime?" He turned slightly to face her, a little confused. This whole thing... It was too much to think about. But he was going to have to get used to the fact that she was here, whether he liked it or not.

Leaning over the rest of the way, Tsubaki rested her hands against the mattress so that she could stretch and touch the quickest of kisses to Hisoka's cheek just as he turned. Then she smiled wearily and flopped back under the covers, shutting her eyes and nuzzling the pillow. So warm and comfortable...

"Thank you...for everything."

Hisoka flushed ever so slightly, bringing his hand up to his cheek as he watched her get comfortable. "...You're welcome," he finally murmured in response adding, "sleep well, Tsubaki-hime."