tampered | Log; completed

Log; completed

When; Today, December 16th, about 3pm
Rating; PG
Characters; Hinamori Momo

hajikemomo and Grimmjow

6thsword
Summary; Despite really not wanting to be around people after finding things out (and nearly blowing herself up with a portion of the forest), a promise is a promise, so Hinamori goes to meet Grimmjow.
Log;

She'd snapped. Well and truly, fully and without a chance of going back. The somewhat backfired Raikouhou - which, to give the small shinigami credit, only backfired because she'd been distracted by the arrival of yet another one of the delightful creatures in the forest - was nothing. The clearing it had made was kind of pretty, if not a little scorched, anyway. No, that had actually been good for her, gotten some of her frustration out. Hinamori had snapped because, despite it all, she was still going to meet Grimmjow. Because he'd asked her to.

...Because he'd said they should have a picnic.

She landed softly if not a bit awkwardly on the roof of building five, finally sheathing Tobiume with shaking hands as a frown settled over her face. Something was missing, right? She paused, glancing about her surroundings before it hit her - and her stomach growled. It would have been better, of course, if she'd remembered the food. But she hadn't, and it was stupid of her, but then again she had been in the forest for over a day now. It was too late to really do much about it, and the vice captain sighed, mentally berating herself. As if things weren't bad enough already.

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The explosion in the forest had definitely caught Grimmjow's attention, and for once he entertained the thought that someone else enjoyed a little boom here and there, without the overbearing authority of some greater power, human or no. So, to sate his curiosity, the arrancar had gone to investigate. While the burnt grass and trees were of no interest to him, the leftover whisps of reiatsu definitely were.

Thoroughly amused now, Grimmjow sped for building five, the predetermined picnicking site -- though, with the explosion and reiatsu and previous days' events, he could tell their rendezvous would be a little different than planned.

Even before he alighted onto the rooftop, he spied the shinigami by herself, without any item but her sword. He stood a few feet away from her, hands in pockets.

"Feeling better after that stunt, peach?"

What was she supposed to say? She glanced over at the arrancar, wondering if she should mention she was sure she was going crazy and the fact that she hadn't slept for what was now two nights in a row hadn't helped.

But Hinamori didn't, settling instead on a small, sad "not really" before diverting her attention again. She should have been more careful, if he'd noticed she was responsible. Who else knew by now?

...She hadn't meant to make anyone worry.

She looked exhausted. She'd been missing since Thursday night, not answering to even Nell's outcries, to suddenly reappear in an angry explosion.

Grimmjow was not the comforting type. He had been hoping, previously, that Hinamori would at least be somewhat calm and passive like their previous get-togethers, but she was crumbling right in front of him. Not openly, of course; he was sure she had more willpower than that. So what was he supposed to do now?

"Well," he replied, "you should've given it a bit more, then. Blasted through the whole fucking forest, or somethin'." He fell silent for a moment, then added, "Oi, don't look so damn depressed, it ain't a pretty sight. Your friends know you aren't stupid enough to blow yourself up."

"I didn't mean to at all." She'd only meant to defend herself. "It wasn't supposed to do that." She had worked so hard keeping her reiatsu down, only fighting the monsters when she'd had to. "I don't-"

Hinamori glanced over again, trying to read his expression. Nothing, nothing helpful at all. Nothing indicating he really wanted to hear her reasoning, her thoughts.

She frowned, staring instead at the floor as she sunk into silence, unable to really come up with anything that didn't start with 'sorry'. Sorry for making Nell worry and annoy everyone, sorry for not saying anything before, sorry for forgetting the food, sorry for... everything. Silence seemed better than apologising.

The silence stretched on, and Grimmjow's face set into a scowl, because contrary to her beliefs, he wanted to know exactly what was going on inside her head.

"You don't what?"

He would justify it as curiosity. He was not about to admit to anyone, even himself, that he'd wondered where she'd disappeared to, and had even tried to sense her reiatsu to get an idea of where she was. But she was a kidou master, and he'd ended up blind.

Confused. Very much so, and the dark haired girl stumbled slightly as she turned to him, hand instinctivly coming up to play with the adjunct badge - the missing one. She wasn't sure if she'd even had it on before she'd left. Maybe. Or maybe she'd lost it in the forest.

Hinamori hoped she hadn't. Losing it- oh, but those weren't happy thoughts at all and she distracting herself from his question.

"I don't want to be here," she managed to mutter, finally meeting his gaze.

She stumbled over herself, literally -- and without thinking, his hand shot out and grabbed har upper arm to keep her steady. That was where she usually kept her badge, wasn't it? She always wore it. Where was it now?

Grimmjow scrutinized her expression, trying to figure out exactly what she meant by those words. Here, on the roof? Here, in the City? Here, in this atypical situation with him?

"Where do you want to go?"

She glanced down at his hand on hers, wondering if she should free it. But he didn't seem to notice, intent on keeping her standing. Hinamori would have laughed, she didn't know anyone that would threaten to kill you and be determined to keep you safe at the same time, but here was one. In front of her.

It was too much.

She moved back shakily, dropping to her knees, hands moving to cover her face, cover the tears she didn't want. Leaving his question unanswered because honestly, she didn't know. Home would be obvious, but she didn't really know where home was anymore. Out of the City was hard. And death? Like that was an option. So the small shinigami cried instead.

Now this was awkward.

Grimmjow stood over her for a good number of seconds, completely caught off guard and thoroughly confused as to what to do. But finally unable to just stand there, he knelt down in front of her and placed his hands on her shoulders.

"Oi, Momo," he said hesitantly. He contemplated asking her what was wrong, or what had happened, but instead, "Do I have to beat the shit outta someone?"

She jumped at the touch, froze, then started laughing. It quickly descended back into sobs as she flung herself forward, aware that while it was an arrancar she was hugging - and an Espada at that - it was much better than anything else that had come to mind.

Beat someone up for her? Laughable. She had laughed, although now she wasn't really sure why that had been her response. It was bad enough that Hitsugaya always tried to fight for her, but now this too? She was losing her mind, and a lot quicker than she'd wanted to.

And anyway, Hinamori knew that wouldn't make her feel better. No, while she hurt, her slightly burned hands hurt and Tobiume hurt, the small shinigami knew better than to blame anyone. It had been the result of a curse, after all, and while she didn't like it at all, while she had gotten angry far too quickly, Hinamori knew that they had kept it from her with the best of the stupidest intentions.

So no, there would be no beating up of anyone. She clung to Grimmjow instead, again ignoring his question in preference of remaining quiet - or at least as quiet as she could be while she continued to sniffle, albeit less than before.

His temper had flared a little when she laughed, but that was quickly whisked away when he found himself bearing her weight and tears. Why was she hugging him, of all people, and under the circumstances? He guessed it was because he was the only one there, and because no matter his sentiments he couldn't possibly inflict any more pain than what she was already feeling.

So, also very awkwardly, he wrapped his arms around, hoping to comfort her somewhat. Grimmjow briefly contemplated the absurdity of the situation, and if anyone saw them sitting like this now, he'd have to beat someone unconscious before they asked too many unnecessary questions. And then he'd have to ask Hinamori just exactly what she was thinking, hugging him like that. It was certainly the first time anyone had willingly touched him, let alone sought his comfort.

He found he didn't mind too much.

She shook, caught off guard. She'd been expecting something else, to be pushed away, to be forced back, to be made to confront this, not for him to follow her lead. No, this was all too normal to her, and Hinamori hated it.

People were always quick to accommodate her. "Stop being so kind," she forced herself, breaking the self-inflicted silence but not her hold on the Espada.

"I'm never kind," he replied stubbornly, fully aware of the irony of the situation. But perhaps she would finally realize why he said what he did, even if the context of previous situations made it seem like he was mocking her. Grimmjow knew the usefulness of withholding information, but lying was pointless. If he had something to say, he'd say it, regardless of consequences.

She didn't let go of him, so he didn't either.

And she had been confused before. She growled slightly at his response, retorting in a dangerous tone, "then what? I don't get you at all. What do you want from me?"

Hinamori didn't want to be angry, didn't have the strength for it. Tobiume hummed softly in her mind but she couldn't focus on her voice, pulling back slightly instead, glancing up at him.

His somewhat blank expression irritated her and she dropped her gaze to the side, bitterly adding, "what am I supposed to say to you? You should just kill me already."

"No. I won't." For the first time, he did not say I can't. Sure, the truce kept him from phsyically harming any shinigami except Ichigo, though there were many loopholes in that agreement. He could easily ask Tayuya if she could kill Hinamori for him, but for a while he entertained the thought that it would be far more satisfying -- and more fun -- if he did the killing himself. But lately, this was not the case, and he hated it.

Why was she being bitter now? Wasn't he going out of his way to comfort her? What a selfish girl.

"I told you what I want from you: Stay away from Aizen." He kept his voice low. He didn't want to risk anyone overhearing.

"Why?" This was stupid. She shouldn't have come. She shouldn't have bothered fighting back. She shouldn't have -

Her mind was taking her down dangerous paths. Shouldn't have woken up? Hinamori knew that wasn't right. If not for herself then for everyone else, especially the fifth division. They needed someone, and she was determined to help them. This, this wasn't right.

She tried to calm herself, pay attention to Tobiume, keep her voice even. It didn't work, more tears escaping her as she continued the question, "why should I stay away from the person I love?"

Love. Shit.

Grimmjow's expression twisted into a snarl. She really was stupid. Why would she still love the man who nearly killed her, who betrayed her most of all, who no longer cared about her?

She wasn't stupid. She was downright suicidal.

"Love?" He sneered at her. "Of course it's love. He 'loves' you so much that he'd attack your precious friends and send us -- send me -- to kill you. He 'loves' you so damn much that he made that fucking truce. No, wait, I take that back -- it was his love for his goddamn research that made that truce. And preference for that blonde chick, apparently."

But despite his biting words, he was holding her tight against his chest and letting her tears fall onto his jacket. He wasn't going to let her go now, not when she was so unstable and idiotic.

"Haven't you figured it out, Momo?" he added before he could rethink his words. "Aizen destroys what's most important to people."

She didn't have the strength, couldn't push herself away and succumb to her anger. Anger that told her he was wrong, that he didn't know anything, that he was just saying it because he'd been told to say it. Anger that made her want to hit the Espada, made her wish he'd been at the brunt of her kidou earlier.

Anger that left her drained and unable to do anything but continue to cry on him.

No, with her lack of movement it registered that he was right. The Aizen she knew wasn't this Aizen, the Aizen she knew had been destroyed by him. She'd been left for dead, Hitsugaya had almost been killed, Kira and Hisagi abandoned by their captains too.

It didn't make it hurt less. The words caught in her throat, her inability to say anything against Rangiku - although she knew that her truce, so carefully arranged behind everyones backs in order to protect them, had been thrown out as soon as Rangiku had made a deal with him - her inability to say anything against Aizen - because even if he did leave her for dead some small part of her wanted to believe that when he'd said he did it so they wouldn't be able to hurt her, so that she'd be okay and Aizen could bring them down from the inside - her inability to say anything against her so called love - she knew it was wrong, admiration turned astray, but he had been her captain and there was no replacing the man that had stood beside her for years - hurting her as she suffered in silence.

She didn't want to defend herself, didn't have the strength to defend herself against his harsh words. She was mentally and physically exhausted, clinging to him shakily, trying to process his last few words.

"You, you're, how can you say that?" she finally managed, stumbling over her words at first. She didn't know much, and the dark haired girl wouldn't pretend to, but what Grimmjow had said made no sense to her. After all, he'd told her he followed Aizen for power, and she hadn't seen the ex-captain refusing anything of that nature to the Espada. But maybe it was her, mishearing, even as her body threatened to give out on her. She'd overdone it, hadn't she?

He knew he had a choice here. He knew he could either brush off his words as pertaining only to Aizen's enemies, or he could continue down this self-destructive path. He didn't want to admit anything that might ruin his standing with Aizen -- his reputation had already been attacked ever since Nell arrived -- because though he wouldn't lose any power, he wouldn't be able to gain more either. So, here he was at his greatest dilemma thus far: Which was more important? Power and the thrill of killing, or this girl who was foolish enough to care for a man who only did things to further his ambitions?

Well, he wanted both, of course, and the world be damned if he couldn't get both. He'd make it happen.

"Because it's the fucking truth, and you know it," he said flatly into her ear. He sighed, exasperated, and turned his gaze skyward. "It's the truth now matter how much you hate it. Your friends can't change your mind, so they're gonna kick Aizen's ass for your sake. I can't do that. Hell, I'll kill 'em if they even dare lift a finger against him. It's part of the job." He pulled her even deeper into the embrace. "But I have people to protect, too."

Now that she couldn't have heard right. Contrary to what everyone else thought, Hinamori was still pretty stubborn, holding onto the fact that she was a shinigami and Grimmjow was an arrancar, refusing to admit to anything. Not even his half confession that she wasn't that bad had made her rethink it.

But this, this she couldn't avoid, hide from, ignore. This was holding her, forcing her to pay attention.

She didn't want to pay attention. She was exhausted from fighting the creatures in the forest, from the larger than intended kidou blast, from fighting herself. The dark haired shinigami wanted nothing more than to curl up and go to sleep but here was someone she should, by all rights and definitions, hate, someone she should be trying to kill.

"I don't get it," came her weary mumble, hands still shaking as she moved to force herself out of his grasp. "I don't get why you're pretending to care."

He allowed her to move away from him, remembering what Nell had said about doing what he wanted.

"Pretend?"

Grimmjow couldn't blame her. After all, they were enemies. He hated her friends, superiors, subordinates -- everybody in Soul Society. He hated Aizen, Tousen, and Gin because they were her people regardless of affiliation. Why he couldn't bring himself to hate her, he didn't understand. He often was irritated by her, but hate?

"I don't pretend to do anything," he said finally. "I just do it."

"It's not right."

Not that she knew. Hinamori was the last person to ask about the arrancar, in all due honesty. Especially right now, trying to keep her eyes open and on him. "You shouldn't," she muttered, before hugging him again. She put it down to exhaustion.

"He's going to tell you to kill us soon enough." But there was no force behind her words, only her tiredness as she tried to comprehend his - and her own - actions.

Grimmjow rolled his eyes. She couldn't make up her mind about whether to hug him or not, could she?

"I know I shouldn't. Why do you think I hate it?" But he hugged her back anyway, getting more used to the touch now. He wasn't about to complain if she wanted it.

"And I know that. I don't really give a shit about your friends, and I keep tellin' you, you're mine to kill. What I do or feel now won't change that." His hands clenched into fists around the folds of her robes. "Just as long as it's not anybody else."

"Stupid." Nells favourite insult, and a word fast finding its way into Hinamori's vocabulary anyway, it slipped out easily enough as she hid her face in his jacket.

"That's really stupid," she mumbled, punctuating it with a yawn. His method of rationalizing completely evaded her and she didn't even try to work it out, settling on that one word to sum everything up for the time being.

"I know." He allowed himself a smirk when she yawned, but he didn't say anything about it. The silence and the warmth of their embrace would pull her into sleep.

Grimmjow wondered exactly how he was going to pull that off: killing her, even though right now he wanted to protect her from pain and death and Aizen. He knew that no one truly died in the City, but at the same time, they couldn't return to life. It seemed that shinigami and arrancar were the exception, but even so...

Well, it didn't matter. When the time comes, he would decide.

Hinamori yawned again, her mind gradually lulling her to sleep despite Tobiume's small protests that she shouldn't. "Do you really?" the small shinigami murmured, eyes already closed and grip slowly relaxing.

She wasn't awake long enough to know if he answered or not.

...Now what was he going to do about her?

He sat like that, with her in his arms, for a moment, thinking about all the possible places where she could sleep in safety, but he couldn't guarantee any of them except for one.

So he picked her up, stood, and sped off in the direction of the temple.

Grimmjow made it to his room without anyone noticing -- he knew he should be thankful that Greed was out -- and locked the door. He gently lowered Hinamori onto his bed, but when he moved to turn away, he found he couldn't; she clung to his jacket and refused to let go even as he tried to pry her fingers off.

Sighing, the arrancar mentally admitted defeat. He crawled into bed beside her and allowed himself some sleep.

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Log; completed

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