Log; Complete

[sword-and-quill.livejournal.com]

When; December 6th (Heavily back-dated)

Rating; G-PG

Characters; Fakir sword_and_quill and Rue princess_crow

Summary; Fakir finds Rue out back of the Opera Abandoned, and decides it's a good opportunity to ask her about her past - the parts of the story he never knew, and had become curious about from her comments in her journal. But unexpectedly, they end up finding out more about each other through their chat, and develop a mutual sort of trust, that in the past, could never have existed. [Lengthy log]

Log;

Fakir wanted to talk about her. That was almost… hilarious to Rue, even unreal. The only times he wanted to speak to her was to yell at her about Mytho or about Ahiru, lately. When she was visible, the princess was always a threat, never an ally. She couldn't blame him, she considered herself one for a while. That irritated her, it made her hostile against the knight, it was as if she did not exist.

Now I'm suddenly here, Rue huffed, gingerly arranging her uniform as she sat in the garden bench. Inside had gotten stuffy and… lonely. At least outside she could breathe fresh air and clear her thoughts about what happened yesterday with her family.

If that ex-knight wanted to have a word with her? Let him find her first.

---------------------------

After more fruitless hours of searching for the missing Ahiru, Fakir was tired out. Lately he'd been thinking too much. Not only had the duck-girl gone missing from the Opera House, but he'd caught those strange pieces of information from Rue's journal. Who'd have thought she had a connection like that to the raven of the story? And despite his general dislike of the ruby-eyed princess, he couldn't help but be curious about it. Afterall, it's not like he hadn't misjudged people based on small facts before. Ahiru, for instance.

...What was he thinking? Hadn't these things never mattered to him before? And he'd actually requested to listen to Rue's side of the story. A talk with her that, probably for the very first time, wouldn't involve threats and nasty words. Fakir glared and scowled at nothing in particular. I must be going soft, or something.

The former knight's promenade led him out back of the Opera House near the fountain by the garden where Ahiru liked to swim as a duck. And if it weren't for the curses and some of the crazy people and creatures in the dwelling, some aspects of living in the city might not have been that bad. The scenery was actually pretty nice. Fakir sighed aloud, intending to make his way over to a tree he'd taken a liking to, and stopped in his tracks when a familiar head of dark hair came into view.

"Rue," he acknowledged with a nod, attempting not to glower at the girl automatically. I can be civil about this, he chastised himself mentally. It won't kill me.

Fakir, Rue thought surprised. He had actually looked for her. He had been honest about his interest. She stood, looking at him without knowing what to say next or how to say it. Should she look smug and superior? No, she could never treat this subject as such even with him.

"Have a… seat?" she asked, uncertain, gesturing to the bench before she sat again. Her eyes were on the floor, trying to avoid this situation. It was painful when she spoke with Mytho of this, it would be worse now. Mytho was kind and understanding, what guarantee her that Fakir would not be cruel and use this against her.

Clearing her throat, she lifted her chin resigned to face this and forgot it ever happened. But first, she would make sure that he could possibly relate. "Did the… ravens ever take anything from you?" It wasn't a rhetoric question. Those heartless birds had affected everyone in the town, Fakir was no exception, she assumed.

He inclined his head lightly in a gesture almost akin to a 'thank you', and seated himself down on the bench, crossing his arms by force of habit. Her question took him by surprise and he blinked, looking back at her before averting his eyes to the ground. "No, not really."

Just how much was he supposed to say? He wanted to know what happened to her, but he hadn't expected she'd ask about him. Fakir took a breath. "What was taken away from me, I took myself. The ravens only triggered it."

He shifted awkwardly in the silence that followed, and repeatedly kept reminding himself that this was Rue. Probably one of the last people on earth he wanted to see him at a weak point. She'd blame him just like he blamed himself, he was sure. And he already had enough guilt to deal with from himself alone. Best to curve the subject back around to what he'd orginally planned to upon speaking with her.

"So...The Monster Raven was your...father? Or foster father? How did that come to be?"

Rue frowned when Fakir blamed himself for whatever that happened. That self-guilt she had seen it in herself and Mytho quite often those nights the blood sang stronger, their hearts were weaker. "You're stupid but I thought you were smarter than this," she scoffed. "They make you feel as you're the one to blame, all the time, that's part of their influence, their power, no matter what you do…"

She wasn't good to comfort, she wasn't trying to. But at least Rue wanted that blame to fade. Fakir was guilty of many things: being rude, grumpy, exasperating. She didn't like him much. But she would not have anyone blame themselves for what they were responsible for.

Her features gained vulnerability when Fakir brought up the subject of the monster raven but she tried to have her gaze still on his.

"He… claimed he was my father and that I was just born in this human form as an accident, so… I had to be a good daughter and obey him or he wouldn't love me anymore."

He offered her a solid glare when she referred to him as "stupid", but bit back the verbal retort itching to be released from his mouth. He would keep this civil, by any means. ...But she didn't know, and it angered him. Sure, the ravens were the reason he wrote the story, but he was still the one who wrote it. With his own hands. They didn't control him or coax him into doing it. It was his own foolish fault. But she couldn't understand that, so what use would it be to tell her?

Fakir was slightly surprised to see the raven princess's eyes soften back in something almost like fear, an emotion he quite familiar with himself. It seemed that recalling her past situation almost turned her into a Rue he was completely unfamiliar with seeing. Where did her superior and haughty air go?

His eyebrows drew together as she finished her reply to his question. "That's not exactly a...fatherly thing to say. Why did you believe him? Where were your real parents?"

Rue ignored the glare, she was now too distracted to ask him anything else. Ahiru could help him, she guessed, the duck was better than her in this of lifting people's moods and helping them to hope and trust in themselves.

"I…" Rue looked away, glancing at the flowers. "I never met them. The raven raised me after he took me away as a baby. I thought he was my father, I honestly…" She paused, recalling the graveyard. Were they dead now? Had he killed them to silence their calls after a while? "I honestly believed in everything he said. Who else I could trust?"

Fakir's green eyes widened. "He kidnapped you? When you were a baby?"

Maybe his own parents' death had been caused by him, but the ex-knight couldn't imagine what it would be like to never meet your parents, much less be raised from near-birth by a raven. It was no wonder Rue had become so attached to Mytho. All she had aside from him was a father that wasn't a father at all. Living a lie. Maybe he really had misjudged her. Not that he'd have noticed or cared back then, but now it almost made him feel...ashamed. He probably could have befriended her when they were kids, had he not been too busy living his own lie as the "knight" of the story.

He shifted back on the bench, feeling even more uncomfortable. Fakir was certain she probably expected a more typical and cold reaction out of him, but many things had changed. He had changed. "...I"m sorry," he said at last, the words sounding strange and new on his tongue. "I had always assumed you were a dangerous person since you obviously knew about the story and Mytho's role." He tilted his head downward, allowing his long dark bangs to shadow his expression from her view. "I didn't know you'd been suffering under something like that."

Rue was afraid of his reaction, she feared to be hurt again, knowing this subject was vulnerable. If she had been in a better frame of mind, if yesterday she hadn't known how was to live in a real family (as fake it was as well), she would have probably ignore Fakir's request but it was too late now.

She nodded, not wanting to cry at the memory. It made her feel so weak. "Y-yes, and he baptized me in his blood, so I could be more of a raven to crave to be loved and never… be," she added. "I… I did the same with Mytho, I thought… thought it would be good. I shouldn't have… but the blood Fakir, you don't know how it feels. It takes over completely, sometimes we couldn't fight it. Kraehe was… the product of that."

His gentle reaction confused her. He wasn't glaring nor mocking, he was… different.

"It wasn't your fault. You were right, I was dangerous, I thought that I was a raven, I bought that no one would love me but my father and my Prince," Rue told him, fisting her hands and gritting her teeth. She had been foolish, she had been so afraid. "It was the story, it was the raven. But those things are over now… I… I never thanked you for helping."

"Blood of the raven..." he repeated. "It doesn't sound pleasant. And judging from the way Mytho changed after recieving it, that must have been quite hard on you. Especially since you were a fraction of his age then." So that was how Kraehe came to be. It made sense.

But drinking the blood of a raven as a baby and growing up, nuturing on that substance? His ancestor was even more cruel and sadistically-amused than he previously thought. What kind of person could could sit back and watch that? Enjoy it? Fakir made a silent vow never to turn out like his great-grandfather.

"You're right, though. The story is over and Drosselmeyer is long gone," he agreed. "Maybe not all the damage can be undone, but in time, the wounds will heal." Her last comment took him offguard and he raised his head in surprise. "...Thank me? I didn't really do anything. Ahiru's power of hope saved us all in the end."

Rue nodded, still averting her eyes. "It felt… lonely. But you were lonely too, weren't you?" She had noticed Fakir didn't have friends either. Both of them argued over Mytho all the time. Then Ahiru changed everything.

"In a way, when I met Mytho, I became Rue. Kraehe was the name my… the Monster Raven called me. But I forgot about it, I wanted to be just Rue. Until… that night." Because deep inside she knew the truth, she didn't want to embrace her role until later on.

"Uh…" She smiled at him faintly, her hands relaxed on her lap. "She did, but you helped us too. I don't know how but… in that moment when my Prince came for me and we killed the Raven, I heard your voice and Ahiru's warmth encompassed us all."

Certainly, Rue did not know the burden Fakir had as Drosselmeyer's heir or what he did exactly, but she was clever to suspect his relation. How he behaved when her Prince and herself were about to exit Kinkan.

Fakir frowned in thought. Lonely? Was that the word for it? "I...I guess," he started, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. "I didn't really think anyone would want to be friends with me after what "mysteriously" happened to my parents. I was lucky Charon even took me in." He paused, folding his hands over his legs. "But once he told me about my being the reincarnation of a knight, it was like nothing else mattered to me than becoming worthy of that role. And once I found the Prince passed out on the street...well, what did I need anything else for? I had a duty and a purpose and that was all that really mattered to me." He'd foolishly thought back then, as a child, that maybe being worthy of the knight's role would help him to forget the damage he'd caused as himself.

The ex-knight turned to her, the ghost of a smile resting on his lips. "You know, as mad as it used to make me to think about it, Mytho seemed pretty attached to you even from early on," he mused. "Even if he couldn't actually feel such a thing, without a heart. But there was a lot of "Rue said" and "Rue wants". I think perhaps even back then, the two of you were drawn to each other."

He paused at her next words, recalling the final moments as the tale "The Prince and the Raven" ended once and for all. "I think we all played a part in giving that story a happy ending. We fought for what we believed in and went against what Drosselmeyer set our fates to be. It was you who saved the Prince from the sacrificing his heart to the Raven, instead of Princess Tutu, as Drosselmeyer had intended. So in a way, we all kind of saved each other. A group effort."

"We both were afraid," Rue concluded, not longer fragile-looking or arrogant, more solemn and dignified as a real Princess should be. "And we both fought because we see each other as threats due to our roles. You wanted to protect Mytho and I… wanted him to love me. But then I was afraid to lose him, that he wouldn't love me at all. And you feared I hurt him." It was so funny to say that aloud now when everything ended happily but it still tasted so bitter. "I would have… wanted to be your friend if I wouldn't have thought that only the Prince and my father would accept me."

When Fakir mentioned Mytho attaching to her before he recovered his heart, Rue blushed, fussing over her hair. "H-He did?" she asked happily then coughed and scoffed, smirking. "Of course he did. I worked hard to become a prima donna to dance with him one day. But he also liked you, even left our practices because you had to be a mother hen and worried over him missing dinner. Hmph. I had to steal him away."

They had fought all together in the end. She nodded, agreeing and lifting her gaze to the sky. "Yes, we four were stronger together. But now my Prince is all alone." She shook her head. "The Raven blood didn't fade, Mytho is strong but I dread that could affect him and he's lonely." The world might love the Prince but they didn't love Mytho.

"You're right," Fakir agreed more readily than he expected. "We accepted the roles, just as Drosselmeyer wanted, and lived our lives in fear because of it. But at least it was righted in the end, before everything could follow the path he wanted. If we take pride in anything, it should be that." He blinked quizzically at her "friend" remark, not having expected to hear something like that from her. "I...Well I guess I might have felt the same if I hadn't been so focused on my purpose. Having friends back then might have been nice." The former knight and writer shrugged. "I just used to read books."

The ex-knight smirked at the princess's reaction to his comment about her and Mytho. "He did," Fakir affirmed with a nod, for once not fooled by the haughty ramble she supplied afterward. "I think even though he couldn't feel, Mytho could still sort of tell who had good intentions." He paused, a light chuckle escaping him. "Not that either you or I really showed that on the outside."

Upon hearing her last words, his hands clenched over his knees. "Well, we're going to get out of here, so he won't be alone for long," Fakir concluded with a confidence he didn't fully feel. Very few had been successful in leaving the city thus far and the curses, among other things, were certainly drawbacks to remaining trapped within. "This isn't much different from being sucked into another story, really. We've just got to find a way to end it, or leave the pages. And even if he might be lonely, Mytho would still be suffering if he were here, too." He paused, eyebrows drawing together as he looked up at the sky. "...As things stand now, I don't really know how long Ahiru's cheerfulness is really going to be able to hold out, either. She's been...shocked by quite a few things here already. I'd rather she didn't have to see this place at all."

"I'm more relieved that was over than prideful," Rue admitted, closing her eyes briefly. The image of the giant Raven destroyed flashed in her mind. The town's darkness was slowly lifted away. "But I should… shouldn't I?" She couldn't feel pride to have killed the raven, even if she had hated him, even if he used and deceived her. Rue was still grateful that he had raised her and fed her. Sometimes, she wondered if the Raven had been lonely and looked for hearts because he couldn't have one of his own.

She abandoned the seriousness and nodded, displaying a less gloomy demeanor. "I just wanted to dance and dance to be Mytho's match. We were both… foolish. How many years wasted were those?"

He had a point about Mytho. He was more perceptive that he let people know. Sometimes frustratingly so. She smirked, shrugging. "We were more occupied with appearing frightening to everyone who would approach him, weren't we?" But that didn't work with Ahiru. She persisted and persisted, and Rue was so grateful for that insistence.

Rue listened to Fakir speaking about the City and noticed his frustration, even if he didn't want to speak it aloud, it was obvious by his mannerisms. The Princess stood and walked toward the fountain, glancing at her reflection on the water.

"This isn't a tale, Fakir," she informed him, swirling the water with a hand, distorting her image. "This isn't a play. It's not like Kinkan at all. I thought it was like that at the beginning then, I realized that isn't a story." She turned around and faced him. "This is real, like the world outside a fairytale. That is why it is much worse, it is more difficult to face and hurts so much. This isn't glorious or happy like tales could be."

Fakir sighed. Afterall, maybe the pride he took in it was just something he wanted to feel, personally. After having failed at damn near everything else. "There's no harm in feeling relieved. I'm sure we all felt that, to some degree."

He smiled faintly again, nodding. "We were quite foolish, indeed. I'm not clear exactly how many years it was, but more than enough." Turning toward her, his expression took on a teasing glint. "Though you have to admit, I did a better job at intimidating people than you did. Even Ahiru couldn't bypass me at first. Though she persisted in trying to, anyway." His features faded into something more somber. Even if it was just meant to be a joke, remembering those days wasn't exactly a welcome thing. He'd been...cruel. Not just intimidating, but threatening, cold, and perhaps almost seemed heartless himself. He'd warned others off not only verbally, but physically, if they continued to stick their nose into things. It made him wonder how Ahiru could even find it in her heart to forgive him after what he'd done. He didn't deserve it.

The ex-knight looked on as Rue rose from the bench and approached the fountain, looking into the water's depths. "I know this city isn't really a story, but sometimes I think looking at the same way will help me get the courage I need to get through this and get us out of here. If you've done it once, you can do it again, right?" He shrugged, focusing his gaze on the ground. "But we've dealt with real things like death and loss before. We'd be better prepared for what this city can do to a person. Ahiru, however...I wish I could tell her that this wasn't real. She'd be happier living in some kind of fairytale."

Rue folded her arms, shaking her head. "You were just a mean boy who frightened little girls, I was a real villain," she pointed out, taunting lightly as well. She looked down at recalling Kraehe and how she had tried to kill Fakir. While she didn't like him back then, death was too extreme, a good beating would have been enough. Her hands shook until she got a hold of her emotions again.

"We need to find out what is this place exactly," Rue told him, anxiously. If was an Ark and everyone inside would survive, then Mytho should be brought here and saved with them. Rue couldn't live in a world without her Prince. She disagreed at his stance with Ahiru, but that wasn't surprising. That was how both were: stubborn. "Ahiru doesn't need to be sheltered. She understands this better than anyone," Rue said, "Even than us. She understands because she could see through us, of what we tried to run away from. If she's blind to what is happening, it would hurt her. She needs to be ready like all of us."

He frowned at her assessment. "We were both like villians in a way," he amended her earlier statement. "Tried to kill each other for the sake of our roles, didn't we? We both tried to take a stab at Tutu, as well. Though at that time, I don't think either of us knew who she was..." Fakir had raised his sword in malice against both Rue and Ahiru, even more than once. The more he thought about it, the more the past ashamed him. And the ex-knight could tell the raven-locked girl was also having difficultly being reminded of what they'd been.

He nodded back at her next words. "I spent my first few days here trying to find any information on this place that I could. However, any and every book and text I came across avoiding answered what I wanted to know. It doesn't make any sense." He ran a hand through his dark hair, frustrated. "But I know you're right about Ahiru. Maybe I keep seeing her as weaker than she really is, as part of my own selfish desire to have someone I can protect." He paused, getting to his feet. "Despite the truth of it, I still can't accept it all. Even if she does need to be ready for it, I just can't stand the thought of someone coming along and picking her off like nothing. And you read things like that over the journals, happening to people every week. Every few days. How could anyone be ready for that?"

Rue looked down, burying the guilt and the heavy grief she experienced by recalling her deeds against Ahiru, Fakir, Mytho. She put a hand on her chin, covering her mouth, unable to reply to the former knight's comment about their past status as villain. She had became Kraehe over and over again due to the City curses, the wounds were still fresh.

Trying to brush that aside, Rue lifted her chin up and pointed out. "I doubt the answer can be found in books, Fakir. This time we aren't inside a fairytale we could guess the ending. No one is writing about us. We would feel the difference." She hoped so, at least. "No, you're also right about Ahiru. She's strong but these beings can be very wicked! Some are monsters as terrible as the Raven. We need to stay together to protect each others. Without her, we are also vulnerable."

He'd noticed her change in behavior and immediatley regretted having brought up such a subject at all. It's not as though they were condemned to have those memories control who they were now, but he was sure the past left scars on her conscience, just as it did to his own. Facing the pain of your own mistakes and misguided actions was difficult for anyone.

Fakir paused when at last she spoke again, his brows furrowing in thought. Somewhere deep down, he knew books weren't going to help much, if at all - She was absolutely right about that. He'd buried himself in them anyway, as a way to do something. So he wouldn't be the 'useless knight' all over again. Who was he fooling, or trying to fool? Himself? The ex-knight scowled. "I suppose researching really wouldn't be much of a help in this place," he muttered aloud in reply. "I know Drosselmeyer isn't here or connected to this. I just thought...I don't know," he trailed off lamely, unable to admit aloud about his own issues.

"But we do need to look out for one another," he agreed with a light nod. "Aside from the curses that can't be predicted, there are people here who won't hesitate to take advantage of and manipulate a total stranger. Or even their closest friends, for that matter."

"Fakir, at least you did something, I… gave up hope and I think I was trying to forget about the grief by pretending to dance," Rue admitted in shame, noticing that the boy was probably feeling useless. She had always known of his inferiority complex, she had taunted and collaborated to deepen it. This was her chance to mend the mistakes she committed.

We can't close ourselves to our little world of sorrow, Rue thought, approaching Fakir and extending her hand with a smile. The first step towards trust, shake hands, form some sort of agreement. "But we can defend ourselves and Ahiru, if we lean on each others and if we learn to trust. We aren't alone anymore." If the Prince or Ahiru couldn't be there to hold them together, they should try to make the effort on everyone's behalf.

"Sure, I did something. But I knew from the start it wasn't going to do anything to help. And by dancing, you did do something as well," he corrected her. "You lifted Ahiru's spirits considerably, for one. And likely kept your own up, at the same time."

When Rue left the fountain and came before him, Fakir blinked wide green eyes at the hand she extended to him.

"We aren't alone anymore," her words echoed in his mind.

He glanced up at her face silently, searching for any form of irritation or something that contradicted the friendly gesture. But to his surprise, he found none, and immediately felt a small stab of guilt for having thought her intentions might be shadowed by something else.

Perhaps they really could set aside their differences and start over. Afterall, they'd come this far.

And with a very slight smile, the ex-knight reached out and firmly (but with no hint of aggression) shook the raven-haired princess's hand. It wasn't just a truce, or some mutual agreement not to be at each other's throats - It was the birth of a friendship that in the past, neither Rue nor Fakir had thought could possibly be.

He now knew that he could trust her.