[ Complete - Backdated ] Possessiveness

[elegantorchid.livejournal.com]

When; After this conversation
Rating; PG-13 [ mxm stuff ]
Characters; Sakurazuka Subaru [ikigainashi] and Mori Ranmaru [elegantorchid]
Summary; Subaru loses his temper and shows a side of himself he never wanted to reveal; possessiveness.
Log;

---

It was depressing and terrifying to see Subaru this way. Not only had the other three's words had an impact on him, they were after his life. HIS-- when he had done nothing, nothing that he could remember of any consequence, to either of them. Was this what Subaru had meant when he said only bad luck followed him, and those who remained with him? He suddenly felt very fortunate that Kamui and this older Subaru hadn't gotten together-- if he were exposed to this, there was no saying what mental damage that boy would suffer.

As the snowflakes came down and Subaru practically dragged him back, Ranmaru tried to pull free as they entered, keeping his gaze downcast. He was being made into an enemy he never wanted to be and it hurt.. and it hurt even more that Subaru was taking the brunt of it.

The entire walk back, even the smaller Heartless scrambled out of his way. Any who dared to get near were eradicated with a few simple ofuda. Of course, they multiplied afterward, but by then they were already behind him at the pace he was walking.

He didn't release his grip on Ranmaru...at least not until they were inside. Then, he released him and dropped to his knees, his expression twisted in agony as he tried to fight off the demons, inner and outer. Heartless were in the apartment still...and the Sakurazukamori was tormenting him inside of his mind.

Memories, of how he had readily accepted such a fate. Anything to be one with Seishirou. Anything for his memory. Now, it was all he could do to escape such a fate, with the mother of the previous Sakurazukamori making it even more difficult.

The three of them, teaming up?

It was too much. Too much. Ranmaru would get hurt. Ranmaru was his. If anybody was to hurt him, then it would be Subaru alone! No one else!

Fists clenched tightly, he lifted them up and slammed them hard into the ground with a most uncharacteristic yell as sakura petals fluttered down seemingly out of nowhere. The Heartless didn't get a chance to attack again, for as soon as the first petal touched the floor, the maboroshi spread, and soon they were surrounded by complete and utter white. It was difficult to even tell floor from ceiling in such a surrounding, but nobody stood out against it as much as he, completely cloaked in black.

He watched as Subaru fell, worried that the heartless would attack them-- though he had noticed that if one did not bother them, they would leave them alone. However, that was the least of his fears-- how Subaru had begun to act after they had left there.. it was one thing to see Setsuka, Seishirou and Marluxia talking but for it to have such a severely adverse effect on Subaru was.. frightening, to say the very least.

So when the illusion spread, the boy backed up, moving his arms before his eyes as the blinding white surrounded them, then he slowly lowered them, gasping and feeling his pulse race as he caught sight of Subaru again. Nothing was in sight, no heartless, no home. In a shivering, awed voice, he whispered, "Subaru-san..? What did you just.." he looked around himself, eyes adjusted to the faint scent that lingered in the air.

And he froze.

It's the smell of sakura!

The eerie silence was so complete that Ranmaru's voice echoed within it. Blinding, perhaps, but his eyes ached already. Or at least, one of them did. Always, always... It never ended.

With a heavy breath, he looked up to pin the boy with his gaze. "It wants it... It wants you so very much. Every day and every night, I hear it. It wants the lives, and it wants the blood... You are the one it wants the most, too. I resist, and I pretend I can't hear it. Do you know why?"

The boy drew another breath that was unintentionally shaky. The only time Subaru ever got like this was when he was insanely angry and well-- that obviously meant that he was under an influence that he was often too frightened to fight. Because the other times he did, he had to hurt Subaru and the more he did it, the more his heart ached.

The boy took a step back, glancing behind him for a bit, before meeting Subaru's gaze. Always so sad, always so pained and Ranmaru wondered what the point of him being where he was could be, when all he gave Subaru was pain. He wished he could take it away forever..

His words, however, made his blood run cold, and his mouth dropped open slightly as he spoke them. Me..? The tree.. it wants.. me..? he thought to himself. He felt like crying, but wordlessly, he shook his head no, steeling himself for this. Then, he turned to look away, closing his eyes as he brought his half-glove covered hand to his chest..

"Why?" he then asked aloud, yet his voice was soft enough to be a whisper. "Why.. is it this way?"

His face twisted again, and he sat back to cover it with his hands. "Because..." he choked out.

"Because you're mine. You are not to stay beneath the Sakura Grave forever. What's mine is MINE. I won't let anyone or anything claim you."

Subaru shook his head. The line was so thin now. He wasn't sure what he was saying. Was this him talking, or the Sakurazukamori? "After Hokuto, all I had was him. He was the one thing in my life I could strive for...to be as strong as. To be important to. Even to be his victim would have been enough. But he never would kill me... Never..."

His laugh then was short and somewhat strangled, as if he might be on the verge of tears. "And I just might understand why now. He wouldn't give me to the Tree. And I won't give YOU to it."

While at some point those words would have and in all likeliness -did- comfort Ranmaru, he didn't like the tone which Subaru was using it in. He knew the story behind Subaru's loss of joy and happiness, he knew exactly why Subaru would never fully be content-- why, just today, he had seen the child that Subaru was, he had felt an affection for him and wanted to protect that joy deeply. However.. the way Subaru was talking was an obsessive one. An obsession that he had decided he wanted to be, and it hurt to hear that desperation within his voice. How long had he wanted Seishirou's affections? How long had he tormented himself with the need to be important, only to have been thrown aside as though he was nothing?

Slowly, Ranmaru moved, until he was kneeling beside him, and slid his hands over his back, another to his upper arm and looked up at him, silver eyes nearly mirror-like thanks to the illusion around them.

"Subaru-san.." he began, then paused. He didn't know what to say, a first for him, and sighing, he shook his head and looked down. "Ranmaru doesn't want to die. At their hands or yours.." he murmured, glancing at the backs of his hands which hid the five-point pentacles under gloves. Shaking his head, he looked back at his lover.

"But it hurts to see you like this.."

It wasn't right. He didn't need to be like this. He wanted to be happy, didn't he? Content? Didn't he want to be left alone?

And yet he was making it worse. This compulsive need to be like Seishirou. To understand him. Even now at times like this it still shone through, and his right eye ached so much that he wanted to rip it from his head.

Instead, though, he reached up to slip his hand over Ranmaru's, squeezing it just before yanking him close into a tight embrace with a kiss that would surely leave him breathless.

The boy's eyes widened as he was embraced and pulled into the kiss that he was-- and he moved his hands to Subaru's chest, going absolutely still. While he didn't want to return the kiss, he found himself giving into his instinctive urge to do so-- the urge that had attracted him to Subaru in the first place. So when the kiss broke, the silver-eyed boy gasped, his breaths heavy as he looked at Subaru in a state of shock, into his es.

"Subaru-san?" he asked, his voice shivering. "Ranmaru -is- yours.. then why.." he asked in a soft whisper. "Why do you need to hurt yourself with that knowledge..?"

"Oh, Ranmaru... You bring me nothing but pleasure." he whispered in a tone that was too silky to be natural, and the younger boy's tie was pulled from his hair so that it could fall free. This allowed him to bury his fingers in it as he trailed small, tender kisses from his jaw to his ear.

"Which is probably what brings me the most pain."

He couldn't help it-- the way Subaru was treating him right now was a semblance of how he often practically worshipped the other when they were alone together. And why wouldn't he..? There was no reason for him not to-- Subaru was precious to him, in a way that he hadn't ever been able to be precious to the ones he wanted to mean as much to. And when he released his hair, Ranmaru stared at Subaru in surprise, blinking and then-- he gasped, tilting his head to a side to further feel the gentle kisses. He'd become so used to giving Subaru what he wanted that he'd forgotten how it felt to be pleasured himself.

And his words felt like gentle pinpricks of pain. ".. what do I do..?" he asked in a soft voice, a hand travelling up the side of the onmyoujin's face and kissing his forehead delicately. "How do I protect you, Subaru-san..?" he looked into his eyes sadly. "Those people.. they never stop, and they wish to see you in pain for their own needs.. how do I protect you..?"

Tick tick tickticktick there it was! Why why why? He wasn't alone. He wasn't! He had Ranmaru here.

His. Nobody else's.

"I... I..." His gaze faltered, and he shook his head in confusion. Then, he set his gaze back on Ranmaru once more and dipped him so that he could lean down and brush his lips against the pale skin of his throat. Meanwhile, his free hand was making short work of any ties in his outfit.

"I protect myself. And you. You don't need to worry about anything."

Dressing as simply as he usually did from when he'd started living here, Subaru may have indeed found it easy to simply undo his shirt clasps and belts, which would probably have Ranmaru exposed easily form the waist-up. The boy felt flustered, even more so from how they were and their current position-- usually it was Subaru in this position and to be in it was not only awkward, it was disturbing from how quickly Subaru was moving. Finding his breath grow slightly labored, Ranmaru moved his hand to the side of the older man's face and tilted it slightly to look up at him, his eyes full of silent pleading. Yes, he did want this, no he didn't want this if Subaru did not, yes he did want to take his pain away.

"Then what will I be to you, if not someone you can count on..?" he whispered, looking rather ravished already from the way he was blushing and partly-exposed at Subaru's hand. He didn't mind, though a touch of embarrassment made him want to drape an arm over his chest shyly, glancing away. "Why can't I worry when I love you, Subaru-san..?"

He could see what Subaru needed, and touching his hand to the other's face, he whispered, "If it calms you.. then take me."

And for him, he would do anything. Those were the last words he spoke at that point.. because none more were needed after that.

If you can forget through this..

Then so be it, Subaru-san.

Claim me as yours.