tampered | Log; complete

Log; complete

When; Today.
Rating; PG
Characters; Hinamori

hajikemomo and Aizen

good_and_proper
Summary; Confused about lots of things, Hinamori figures the best way to deal with it is to start at the beginning, and approaches Aizen with her questions.
Log;

She'd promised not to, hadn't she? But what were promises, if they couldn't be broken, really. And that was why she was here, waiting for the ex captain. To sort herself out, to see if he couldn't help, to get some sort of answer from someone. And really, there was no one else to ask.

There was no way Hinamori could go to the other Espada. And she wasn't willing, for various reasons, to approach the other shinigami in the City. In the end, it was better to face Aizen anyway, since only he could answer one of her questions. It was stupid, and it was foolish, and Tobiume hung by her side in defeat of it's weilders wishes, accepting that the girl knew what she wanted to do.

She just needed answers.

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Aizen was sitting casually against a tree, eyes closed, with a slight breeze catching the outskirts of his uniform. As usual, he had a thermos of tea next to him. If one had simply passed by him without knowing who he is, they might have thought him asleep.

"Hello, Hinamori."

Hinamori started to bow before catching herself, moving a hand to rest on Tobiume's hilt instead. "Thank you for coming." For agreeing to come, for not laughing at her. For any number of reasons.

"I don't intend to take very long." But then again, it was hard to tell. Even if she didn't intend it to, the questions she had in mind weren't easy on her to ask, and probably wouldn't warrent any answers she'd find easy to take. But it needed to be done, she had to do it, and that was why she was here.

He sensed some of the oppressive aura around her and opened his eyes, moving to sit on a nearby shaded bench, beckong her to sit beside him.

"What do you wish to talk to me about?" he asked, watching a monarch butterfly moving from flower to flower.

His manner was more polite than usual, holding no hidden disdain. He seemed to have a lot on his own mind.

She followed meekly, out of habit, out of a desire to get it over and done with. It didn't matter, she simply did.

"You. You said... that you had a lingering attachment. You never answered as to why I wasn't good enough. I want to understand that." Hinamori needed to understand it, sort it out, get it out of the way so she could move onto the next series of emotions plauging her. Keeping her gaze on her hands, on Tobiume, the ground, she waited for an answer.

He looked into her, his eyes impassive.

"It's not just about power, it's mindset. You wouldn't have been stand it in Hueco Mundo."

"Killing me was the only way to spare me from that? I don't think so." She bit back anger, keeping her voice calm. But she couldn't escape her nervousness that crept into her next few words.

"Taichou... I just want to know the extent of your feelings."

He looked narrowed his eyes, trying to find the right words.

"...I...enjoyed your company. You were like a favored student to me. I didn't have a romantic interest in you, Momo, if that's what you mean. You were like a flower I helped to cultivate and bloom. So rather than deprive you of your sun, to wither away, I chose to pluck you from the garden entirely."

"Oh." It hurt, of course it hurt; it would always hurt. Here was her beloved captain, traitor, betrayer, backstabber, liar. The person who had consumed her life as a shinigami.

But, it wasn't like she'd lost her purpose. No, she had a reason for becoming a shinigami before she'd met him. She'd made friends before she'd known him. She'd been herself before and without him. So was it the answer she wanted? In some way, perhaps. Which meant the hardest question was out of the way. "Then... Why did you say you were jealous?"

"Because as often as I strive to be entirely rational about things, I still have moments of duplicity. Just because I left, didn't mean I wanted someone else to become the center of your world."

He took a swig of his tea and plucked a rose from a bush next to him. He idly sniffed it, then made a small gesture and burnt it to ashes in his hand.

"Yes, this place puts so much in perspective, does it not?"

That, to her, was irrational. Stupid. Petty. Childish. Possessive. Things she did not like. And she wasn't sure it was entirely true, anyway. "I never... belonged to you. I don't belong to him. It's up to me who I spend time with." Hinamori wouldn't admit it, but being like this only served to remind her of her want to see Hitsugaya again. Reassuring, safe, reliable, something she knew she could trust in.

Grimmjow? All she knew was what he'd told her, and that wasn't something she'd wanted to hear, even if she'd been ready to accept it. "He's intent on killing me, anyway. If there's anyone you should have been jealous of, it's Hitsugaya-kun. But you never stopped me from going to see him back in Seireitei, even though you knew we were best friends. You even helped me organize his birthday party one year." Did she sounds depressed? Probably, morose, glum, poor little Hinamori sitting next to the man who wanted to be god. But she stayed, unmoving, determined to see it out.

"Because I knew I could always call you back to me, then. No matter what time you spent with him, you'd always come running back to me if I beckoned. And not just because you were my second in commmand."

He stated it very simply, not trying to be hurtful. Just very matter-of-fact, about it.

"In any case, you won't have to worry about that anymore. I find my priorities being pulled at."

No... she knew that was true. There was no sense trying to deny it. The whole of Seireitei knew she'd adored her captain. But-

"What... Do you mean? You-" she paused, finally sparing him a glance. Oh, perhaps...? "You... and Rangiku?"

He looks off to another part of the garden, averting his eyes from her.

"Strange, isn't it? I'd stop feeling it, if I could."

Did that hurt more? Was it even the truth? It didn't matter, what mattered was stopping the dull ache in her chest, the pain of her scar, the fact that she knew she'd cry if they continued like this. "Oh," was all the dark haired girl could manage.

It certainly explained why the blonde vice captain had felt she needed to go think somewhere for a few days. Hinamori felt like things were slipping away from her. Did everyone else know this, too? Was it just her, sitting there unknowingly?

"That is something you have in common with your arrancar, then."

Even his strong aura seemed to waver with her statement.

"Yes. I have fallen into the very trap I had chastised them about. Hence why I shall no longer get on them about what they feel. I will give them a bit more leeway, so long as they cause no trouble."

He greedily drank down the rest of his tea. Why did he feel so hot all of the sudden?

"You know, back when we had our...indiscretion? A part of me wondered what it would be like to have a family."

No. No, no, no. Not what she wanted to talk about, to hear, to listen to. No. Hinamori could already feel the tears and she brought her hands up to her heart, letting a small frown settle into place.

She stayed silent, trying, praying, willing he wouldn't continue, wishing he'd drop the subject and let her get back to her questions.

The drop in her mood was almost palpable. Aizen turned to her and gently placed a hand on her head.

"I suppose I shouldn't have said that. I was just talking more to myself than you. Ignore it."

He glanced over at a field of poppy and took out a fan for himself.

"I never had it, you know. Family, I mean."

"You systematically tore me away from the people I was closest too until I had only you to turn to. Perhaps it's better you don't have one." She shuddered at the touch, be it from the cold, repulsion, shock, fear. Some emotion she hadn't been able to control, at any rate. Dropping her hands again she settled on staring right ahead.

Attempting to bring the topic back to something she'd wanted to address, she added, "you wouldn't stop them? If they pursued relationships?"

He paused for a moment, as if considering something.

"No. I would not."

Sneaking another glance, habit, sheer force of habit - he was so different without his glasses and it was hard to believe it was really him - she let a small sigh escape her. Honestly.

"Even Grimmjow?" Not that she knew her own answer yet, no, that was why she was here, to sort out the first part of the tangled mess of feelings she had. But it had been made very very obvious to her how the Espada felt, and she couldn't deny him that. "Despite saying you're jealous, you'd let him continue?"

"Yes. Like I said, I've let it go."

He looked her dead in eyes when he said it. His gaze betrayed no real anger, so he certainly seemed to be telling the truth.

"He can pursue as he wishes."

If things were that easy... Well, she probably wouldn't have woken up, that was for sure. But now that the issue was out of the way, she still had one more thing she needed to know. Two, technically, but in all due honesty she didn't want to know the answer to the other one, even if it did lead to a repeat of the past.

"If I ask you to leave Naruto alone... Will you? Because, I won't let him be harmed in any way. I don't care who I have to cross blades with in order to protect him, but I will."

"If I can take the beast from him, I will. If I can't, then I won't, and I have no more reason to pursue him."

Aizen closed his eyes and leaned back against the bench more fully.

"Does that answer your question?"

"That doesn't tell me the means to which you'll go to in order to acquire it. If... they're in any way violent, I will stop you." Brave words, even, calm, assured voice, fragile, breaking - broken - heart.

In any event, that was all but one of her more pressing questions answered. But Hinamori was, at this point, convinced she'd didn't want to know the answer. The truce was in place, and he had no reason to do it so... There was nothing to worry about. Nothing at all but to prove to herself that she was fine with the way things stood here.

"One last thing... And then I'll leave."

"I will avoid violence if at all possible."

He raised an eyebrow, curious about what she wanted to know now.

"What is this thing?"

Oh, a fine time to suddenly realize exactly who it was she was talking to. But then again, old habits are hard to break, and she couldn't hide the small blush that crept to her cheeks as she stood. "Call it... a favour. A sort of test."

One quick sweep of the area to make sure she couldn't sense any familiar reiatsu, hidden or not, before she was satisfied. "I always..." Oh, trying to justify it with words wouldn't work. She gave up promptly, instead settling on concluding their meeting with the aforementioned test.

It was silly, really, but she wanted to prove - to herself - that she didn't care any more. And so - still quite unable to control the blush - she leant in quickly, giving him the lightest of kisses to his cheek before pulling back again just as swiftly.

He wasn't really sure how to react to that! He stood there for a few moments, for once at a loss. He leaned forward and suddenly hugged her, much as he had in the old days, pulling her tight against his body.

"It was a dream, Momo," he said, stroking her hair and for once actually meaning the small comfort, "A pleasant, friendly dream, but still a dream. And sooner or later, all dreams must come to an end, and we face cold reality. I no longer have the capacity to dream such a simple life."

Nothing. Nothing at all. Not like-

Ah, but he was hugging her. She allowed herself that, content that life wasn't all that bad. Her feelings might have been her own, or they might have been caused by whatever illusions he'd had her under. "Complicated... Seems to be how everyone else likes things."

"Yes," he said, pushing her away gently.

"I'm going now. Good day, Momo."

He began to walk away.

"Mm, thank you." Her hand fell to Tobiume, resting where it was comfortable as she watched the ex captain for a second. So things would never be simple.

She hadn't really expected them to be, anyway. Kicking off, Hinamori let her shunpyo guide her.

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