Log; Complete [PART THREE]

[yourarmor.livejournal.com]

When; You know, I'm not too sure. :< I should ask.
Rating; PG-ish.
Characters; Zack [yourarmor] & Cloud [conflictive]
Summary; Cloud teasingly requests Zack to take him on a date when Zack said he wanted to see Cloud in a dress. Zack, excited, agrees in an instant and has the whole day planned out rather, um, thoroughly.
OOC note; This was a 43 page long log. I had to split it into three parts because of the character limit via LJ updateness. So, yes, you'll be seeing three entries look sort of the same, but they're all different parts of the log~
Log;

Knowing that was more of a statement than anything more, Zack hopped up and pulled the blond with him, though bent down to pluck a flower from the ground, only to stand up straight again and steadily put it in Cloud's hair.

Yep, he really did look good in pink, Zack concluded, feeling successful for but a moment.

After picking up the bag that was dropped beforehand he lead Cloud out of the garden, a fake wail and farewell following suit, acting as dramatic as ever, even toward inanimate objects. But even so he was thrilled, knowing that dragging Cloud through the city once more had it's high ends because of the last portion to their date – he was also conscious of the sky dimming ever so faintly, a sign that it was hours past noon. Again, time passed way too quickly when they were together, but Zack was glad he had Cloud all to himself everyday in the privacy of their living quarters.

And then, Zack suddenly stopped in front of Building number seven, giving a look over to Cloud before, like an excited child, dragged him inside.

“I'm going to have to leave you for a second, alright?” He paused once they got on the second floor, putting hands on Cloud's shoulders for firm reassurance that he'd only take a few minutes.

“I'll be back in a jiffy!” And with that, Zack was gone in an instant, sprinting down the hallway towards a destination that was unknown to Cloud, obviously. Not surprising, since Zack never let anything out of the bag until they got there.




Cloud watched Zack run off for the second time that day with an expression of faint bemusement on his face, just as uncertain of what the other man was scheming this time as he had been the last.

As he awaited Zack's return, Cloud was suddenly aware of the flower in his hair. He made as if to remove it, thinking Zack had placed it there simply to tease him, but decided against doing so. He'd keep it as a reminder of their visit to Xanadu.




Zack came back from Yuffie's in a flash. She was, thankfully, in the same building as they were in, and not too far from room thirteen, where he last left Cloud. The man said his thanks quickly before saluting the teen, jogging off rather quickly so the blond didn't have to wait as long as last time.

“Sorry about that!” He stopped in front of Cloud, grinning rather ridiculously as he held up what seemed to be a picnic basket and an extra large beach towel. “I had to get these, but now that we're all ready...” Zack's eyes went towards the door that read 'thirteen' on it, taking a few step forward as a hand reached out to open the door.

They were greeted by the smell of what seemed to be salty air, a cool breeze following soon after; Zack promptly gestured for Cloud to follow.

It was, in fact, a beach. The sand was unlittered and the ocean clean and clear, both seeming to stretch out for miles upon miles as no land besides the ground they were standing on seemed to be anywhere in sight. There was absolutely no one there at the time, which didn't baffle Zack as not too many people knew of the place just yet, probably only the few that were willing to venture out and find more hidden passageways in the city.

A rather nostalgic look passed over Zack's features as he closed his eyes, inhaling the air as soon as arms stretched up and above him in a long-winded stretch. He remembered the times he attempted to get Cloud out of studying when they both still worked for ShinRa; knowing that ditching wasn't a good thing, he wanted to despite the warnings he knew they'd get later on. Whether or not the blond agreed, Zack always found a way to coax him into going, and suddenly he remembered the look on the other's face when they arrived for the first time.

The same smile that he had back then passed over his face as he turned to take a look over at Cloud to see his reaction.




Cloud was caught between wonder and disbelief - he realized that regardless of how long he stayed, he'd never be able to unravel all of this city's secrets. Tentatively, he crossed the threshold to join Zack, unsure of whether the beach, like Zack, was real at all.

Standing there on the beach revived a host of memories from Cloud's fragmented subconscious; he'd had to rely on Zack to show him around as an untried youth, and now, it seemed they were replaying that situation. And in Midgar, Zack had possessed an uncanny ability to escape from the monotony of the city, despite all impossibilities, and here, it was the same.

Looking out into the horizon, already tinted by a myriad of indescribable colors now that sunset approached, Cloud smiled in fondness of memory. There had been many occasions when he'd been taken to the beach against his will, though now that he recalled, he hadn't put up much resistance anyway. Now, though, he wasn't plagued by the guilt he had been so familiar with - thankfully, there weren't any responsibilities waiting for him for later. Cloud decided that he could get used to this feeling.




Zack's eyes were on Cloud for a moment before he decided to give the other some time as he wandered off to the left, scratching his head as he seemed to try to get a “good spot”, which looked ridiculous considering there wasn't any reason he should be doing such. Though he was precise, and always would be in his actions, especially when it came to holding himself high on this date.

Well, he thought as he squatted down to lay the large towel out, at least he's enjoying himself. And despite him being antsy and overexcited about the date for the fact that Cloud agreed on it, Zack was more interested in the blond's fascination with everything. He seriously wondered what would make him catch his breath and what would make him shake his head with amusement, and so far, so good. It wasn't that he was worried that Cloud wouldn't enjoy the places he showed him, but more like he wasn't sure if his tastes had changed in such a drastic amount of time.

Zack hated to admit it, but there was a lot that he still didn't know about Cloud now that he wasn't a teenager anymore. But he suspected he was the same deep down somewhere, and that somehow comforted Zack to an extent.

A pause soon followed his movements after smoothing out the towel again, cocking his head to the side to get another look at Cloud, grinning a little as the blond's young, adolescent self seemed to shine through all the more at the moment. He took to flopping down on the towel, elbows and forearms propping himself up while legs stretched out before him, allowing violet eyes to turn towards the new sunset as well, suspecting that there might be another chance to surprise Cloud. Maybe.




While Zack made himself comfortable, Cloud considered joining him, as it seemed the appropriate thing to do, but decided against doing so. Instead, he broke into a graceless run for the water's edge, interrupted intermittently by hasty attempts to pull off his boots and roll up his jeans, finally to meet the waves that lapped onto the shore and disrupt them with his footsteps. He hissed once his skin came in contact with the water; it was freezing.

He was probably going to catch a cold, but for once, he couldn't care less.

"Come on," he called over his shoulder, bending over to slide his fingers into the water.




It wasn't surprising that Cloud ran towards the water first as Zack once again recalled the first time the blond finally got to see the ocean. Needless to say, it was extremely amusing for the raven haired man to watch the scene unfold once more, except this time he hadn't joined him just yet.

Maybe he was getting old; what a ridiculous thought in itself, seeing as he wasn't aging even after all those years, but he realized then that he was a lot more laid-back than he used to be. Zack was usually the one to initiate a playful gesture of splashing Cloud with water instead of laying on a towel and bumming around, and he frowned at the idea of sitting around doing nothing while the blond seemed to be quite active despite their big adventure that kept unfolding.

He blamed the Lifestream. It probably made him lazy.

So he obediently got up from the spot, groaning loudly as if it really mattered if he got up or not before shrugging off his jacket, letting it drop unceremoniously to the ground. Zack took a few steps forward, then decided at the last minute to toss of his shirt as well, because in the next few seconds he found himself sprinting towards the ocean, only to dive down and under the water.

Though he found himself circling up to the surface again after a moment or two, a look of horrified surprise on his face as he yelled, “Holy shit it's cold!” Zack really wasn't expecting it to be freezing.




Cloud laughed. Only Zack was capable of such recklessness. "Serves you right." He knew Zack wasn't going to let him get away with such insolence, but he was up for the challenge.

He began wading in after Zack, gingerly slipping one foot into the water before the other, pausing in between each step to grow accustomed to the temperature.




Zack pouted half-heartedly as Cloud made his way into the water, raising an eyebrow at how careful he seemed to be, which was just like him to do so.

But Zack grew impatient, despite his claims at being one of the most patient men in the world. So with that he took another dive down under once Cloud was in the water enough for him to come face-to-face with pale legs, wrapping arms around them before attempting to stand up, though knew he'd soon fall since he wasn't that stable on sandy ground. But he got him high enough that he could still balance properly, and all he did was grin widely up at the blond before tossing him into the freezing cold water.




Cloud didn't have time to voice his protest before he was abruptly submerged, eyes wide and arms flailing.

He surfaced immediately, gasping and sputtering, tossing his head to shake off the mess of sodden spikes that completely obscured his vision, uncovering glaring eyes.

As soon as his mouth was no longer full of water, Cloud cried out in pure indignation. "Zack!" Once again, Cloud found himself simply astounded by the degree of Zack's insanity. His clothes - Zack's clothes - were ruined, and he didn't even want to think about his hair.

He looked prepared to give Zack a lecture that might have put Aerith to shame, but instead, he doubled over, clutching himself. "It's c-cold," he mumbled, eyes closed, the picture of misery.




First Zack blinked, then he frowned, and then came the heart wrenching pain. Okay, not so much the heart wrenching pain, but the pathetic look Cloud was giving him made him admit defeat – at least a little bit, that is.

“Oh, come on!” Zack stood up fully after a moment, wobbling once, though kept his balance while walking a few steps to come upon the ridiculous sight that which was Cloud Strife attempting to make Zack feel guilty. “It isn't that bad.” Then again, now that he thought about it, he was used to the extreme of things. Sure, it really was frickin' cold, but, once again, he was used to it. Being in SOLDIER prepared him for anything and everything – he highly doubted Cloud was tossed in freezing water and told to take an godly amount of laps at three o'clock in the morning. So now he felt bad, but really, it wasn't all that terrible. Cloud was clearly trying to rack up some pity points, and as much as Zack refused to let him win, he was already in the lead.

Sighing dramatically, Zack took Cloud by the arm with a hand, tugging him up and out of the water while the blond continued to do his (sad, but adorable) pouting routine.

When they finally reached relatively solid ground, Zack turned and shook his head in amusement at the miserable sight in front of him. “You're hopeless, kiddo.” But he took no time in peeling the drenched shirt off of Cloud before carelessly tossing the shirt to the ground. His hands and fingers pushed back damp and now flat locks of hair, which was an entertaining sight to see. Though he stepped back a pace, ready to un-do Cloud's pants, but realized after a moment how utterly forward that was of him.

Zack was used to doing this kind of thing when Cloud was younger and actually needed assistance at times, but now that he was older, he probably understood the idea as to why Zack let his hands drop to the side. “Ah, take those off so we can lay them out to dry, alright? I have another towel and my shirt and jacket, so you can use those. Hang on, I'll go get them.” Turning quickly on his heel, he mentally smacked himself for showing that he was certainly uneasy, but hopefully Cloud wouldn't have noticed.




Cloud knew Zack well enough to detect a hint of unease on his part, which was obviously far less inconspicuous than the other man would have liked. And it perplexed him - as far as Cloud knew, Zack wasn't the type to be uncomfortable about, well. Anything. They were both guys, and back in ShinRa, it'd never been an issue for either of them.

He would have asked, as it concerned him, but he restrained himself from doing so, as he knew that Zack probably preferred to keep whatever it was to himself. Nonetheless, Cloud was more than a little worried. This was the second time in one day, and Cloud resolved to find some means to cheer him up, though he knew self-humiliation was likely necessary.

"You didn't leave the dress at Yuffie's place, did you?" The expression on his face was one of long-suffering.

Though Cloud knew Zack probably had no problem with traipsing across town shirtless, he had something against being the reason for his having to do so.




Zack laughed lightly as he glanced over his shoulder while picking up his dry shirt and jacket. “I'm not making you wear the dress, Spike. Just take these.” He stood up and walked a few paces back to the blond, tossing the clothing on his own shoulder before taking the liberty to begin drying Cloud's hair with the towel in his other hand.

He, in all actuality, hated his uneasy state. Cloud was absolutely right; Zack never faltered on anything and didn't hold back even when he knew it could get him in some sort of trouble. But this was a whole new issue, a different kind of worry that Zack didn't want to burden Cloud with, since he already had enough burdens as it is. It was tough keeping it in as, surprisingly enough, Zack had his own doubts and extreme worries – but it wasn't like he would show it. Though he did have the idea that Cloud knew something was going on, so he silently apologized to him in his mind.

When he was finished patting Cloud dry, Zack slung the damp towel over an arm, presenting him with the shirt and jacket.




Cloud accepted the shirt and jacket gratefully, albeit with some misgivings. Strangely enough, the fact that Zack was turning down an opportunity to get Cloud into women's clothing was highly unsettling, and only further indication that something was really bothering Zack. Either that, or Zack was exercising a self-control that Cloud never knew he was capable of.

As to whether it was something temporary and trivial, or complex and serious, Cloud honestly had no idea. Whatever it was, though, Cloud knew Zack was determined to deal with it himself. He was being brave about it, because that was what Zack did. And Zack was stubborn, but so was Cloud. He wasn't going to let it go so easily - he'd simply have to be more subtle about it. He could be patient if necessary.

Though his time with Zack thus far had been comparably brief, Cloud found himself missing his carefree, spontaneous self already - it was probably unreasonable, considering how short-lived and barely discernible Zack's bouts of moodiness were, but they were unnerving nonetheless. And he'd do something about it regardless of whether Zack wanted it or not, because Zack didn't have to be alone in this.




Smiling a somewhat toothy grin, Zack made his way back over to the towel and make-shift picnic looking thing, which really wasn't a picnic at all, considering their surroundings. But he made do with what he had of course, simply making the best out of what he had with him.

Zack really was lost in his own thoughts, though, but he blamed himself entirely for that fact. There was always a way to shake off things that invaded his mind; there always had been, of course – if not, he probably wouldn't have been able to live with himself. He was always thinking about too many things at once, which probably was why he was distracted sometimes, but it seemed that focusing on one thing in particular did no good either. So what was a man to do about that, anyways? Zack really didn't know, so he always went with the flow and allowed things to go where they wanted to go, unless it distracted him too much.

And right now it was getting to be pretty pathetic, so he tried to think of something else: food. So with that he slid a hand into the picnic basket, digging around before finding what he was looking for: a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

It, to no surprise at all, looked quite pitiful in his attempt at making one. But, nonetheless, he looked up at Cloud with a proud look upon his features, presenting him with one of the sandwiches on a plastic plate. “Here you go!” The sandwich, of course, would've looked half-assed if someone didn't know Zack, but he actually spent a while trying to do it without ruining the kitchen in the process. And, amazingly enough, he succeeded... at least in one of his many missions.




Cloud found himself experiencing great difficulty smothering his laughter, not that he wasn't putting up a valiant effort. The look of intense concentration on Zack's face while he had prepared the sandwich (if it was a sandwich at all) was simply too much for him to bear. Nonetheless, he accepted it with what he hoped looked like utmost appreciation, trying his best to overlook the fact that the sandwich looked as if it had been mauled by a rabid animal. Inwardly, Cloud wondered how long it had taken Zack to learn how to assemble the sandwich with what seemed to be relative success. In his experience, most attempts on Zack's part to prepare anything even vaguely edible had alternatively failed miserable or resulted in the destruction of the immediate vicinity.

Not that Cloud was much better, but at least he possessed the common sense to realize that casting Fire 3 on everything wasn't necessary for cooking. It was actually a little tragic, how incapable Zack was with cooking; food was such an integral aspect of his existence. In the most comical way, that is.

Halfway through eating the mess of sandwich, Cloud was still struggling to contain his mirth. "Zack, I think this might be the best sandwich I have ever had in my life."




Having the faintest idea that Cloud was kidding, Zack opted to put a silly frown on his face as he stared down at his own sandwich, which really was done half-assed and quickly; he was hungry. And when Zack was hungry, he usually took it upon himself to not even make the damn sandwich and instead just eat everything separately. But, just to make things a little less... messy, Zack took the time to put everything together before he mauled it in as graceful of a way as possible.

“Hey!” Zack exclaimed, taking but a moment to speak as he continued to chew his food, which was a difficult thing to do while talking, but if anyone could manage such a ridiculous act, Zack could. “This is pretty good.”

Of course, most of it ended up on his face, but the raven haired man decided to ignore that fact – or perhaps he was ignorant towards the mess, who knew – as he looked over at Cloud with a grin.




"Yes," Cloud agreed, with a seriousness that belied his amusement at Zack's surprise. He knew Zack probably rarely enjoyed whole meals if left to his own devices unless they required less than a total of three minutes of preparation, since he simply lacked the patience necessary for completing anything. Even if it was a lowly sandwich. "Sandwiches are generally better than just plain bread or peanut butter." He explained this with the patience that might have been appropriate for speaking with a child.

When he looked up to meet Zack's eyes, Cloud found himself helpless to control a grin from spreading across his face at the sight of him. Zack was the picture of utter contentment, with the remains of his sandwich - Cloud figured there was probably more sandwich on his face than was on the plate, though Zack seemed blissfully unaware of this. Rolling his eyes, he set his own plate aside and preoccupied himself with fishing through Zack's picnic basket for napkins, which he hoped Zack hadn't forgotten. "You can't possibly be comfortable like that."




“Comfortable like what?” Zack shifting in place, smiling a little at Cloud as the blond rummaged around in the picnic basket. It wasn't that he was totally unaware of what exploded on his face, he was just pleased with the food now in his stomach that wasn't just one crepe. If it had been Zack wandering around alone today, he probably would've eaten three or four of those pastry-like things by himself. But today? Today was all about self-control, as amazing as that was; Zack just realized that to the full extent but a moment ago, so perhaps he slipped into yet another thoughtful state.

But he soon recovered when Cloud obviously found the napkins shoved somewhere in the picnic basket, in which Zack just grinned rather sheepishly and proceeded to relax back on his elbows, as if questioning if the blond was going to play mother hen or not.




Having emerged triumphant with the napkins, Cloud was on the verge of cleaning the mess himself, as instinct dictated (Cloud justified this instinct with the doubt Zack was capable, of course), but realized at the last second that this would be an incredibly awkward and feminine thing to do, and not at all good for his image. Besides, Zack already derived far too much amusement from calling him his "wife," and providing him with more ammunition was something to be avoided. So instead, he tossed the napkins at Zack. "Don't let them go to waste."

Resuming his earlier position, Cloud turned his gazed upward to meet the sky, which had been steadily darkening since their arrival and was already beginning to grow dotted with stars. How many times had he looked up into the same sky - if it was the same sky - on lonely nights, contemplating things that had long passed for reasons he had yet to fathom? Now, though, he was no longer alone. Cloud released a small sigh of contentment. He was eternally grateful.




Zack couldn't help but laugh, giving an unimpressed look over towards Cloud before sitting up once more to wipe at his face. He shoved the remainder napkins back in the picnic basket, flopping down beside the other soon after hands made their way behind his head. Lips suddenly twitched into a small smile as he gazed up at the sky, violet eyes shifting to land upon Cloud as his thoughts got the better of him once again.

There was so many questions he honestly wanted to ask him. Zack, of course, kept his promise when he said he wouldn't press the matter anymore on Cloud to tell him what happened over the years, but he was curious. Maybe a little too curious, but when did that fact ever stop Zack? Usually, it wouldn't, but somehow he felt it was too delicate of a topic to touch at the moment. He realized then, though, that he might never have the chance to know.

An inward shake of the head tore these thoughts away and Zack smirked at himself for being such a contradicting person at heart. Time always seemed to heal things – he just hoped it was true for Cloud's case, or else he'd try to make it that way no matter what. It was just too hard for him to see the other sad or worried, and he knew in the back of his mind that he was indeed worrying Cloud with his strange attitude, and Zack didn't even catch himself in the act of doing such until far too late, and it did no good by then.

But didn't he go over this several times with himself already? Zack constantly tossed ideas back and forth on how to please Cloud, because he'd be damned if the other wasn't happy at least most of the time. It was a never ending mission, and even though he was uncertain if it was alright with Cloud, in the end, he noticed it probably was, no questions asked. Though one question that always lingered on Zack's mind was why the hell would anyone treat him otherwise. The blond deserved so much more than what he was offered in his whole life. The hurt looks, the pained expressions that Zack wanted to wipe away as fast as it came; how could someone take advantage of that, he wondered, and use it against the other in a way where it could create scars that cut deeper than the normal person.

It didn't make sense to Zack. It probably never would. And affection was all that he could give along with words, those words of reassurance and admitting defeat on not being able to completely understand, but understanding enough that he could try and help in some way shape or form.

In the end, he sometimes wondered if it helped as much as he jokingly bragged it did. But as soon as those thoughts came to mind, a final conclusion came to Zack once he turned his head to look over Cloud's content expression, looking so open and relaxed and generally happy.

The answer didn't need to be said, of course.

Zack reached a hand over to brush against blond spikes, opening his mouth to finally speak in order to form some kind of conversation, even though the silence was peaceful and not awkward at all. “Not cold, are you?”




Cloud shook his head. It might have been cold, with nightfall approaching and the wind blowing with increasingly greater strength, but Cloud wasn’t affected by it too much. There were other things on his mind.

It was incredibly like Zack to be so needlessly concerned; so much hadn’t changed in five years, and had it been anyone else, Cloud would have been unnerved, but in Zack, he found it endearing, and something that he greatly appreciated, as well as had missed. He liked being worried over by Zack - he'd never tell, of course, he didn't deny it to himself. It might have been why Cloud found himself growing so easily accustomed to Zack’s company - his presence, his very existence, in spite of the length of their separation and the surreality of their reunion.

He hadn't thought about it very much until now, since he'd been caught up in being able to see him again, but he'd been contemplating it with greater frequency as of late. He knew Zack was inclined to recklessness and insane acts of self-sacrifice, but nonetheless, he found himself wondering incessantly what had brought him to make that kind of sacrifice. Because Cloud knew he wasn't worth it, that nobody was worth Zack dying for. And thus far, he'd done nothing to make known his gratitude - he didn't know what it is, because "gratitude" was an inadequate description for it - except for make himself more of a burden, again.

He knew it probably wasn't his place to know, and that Zack had his reasons - whatever they were, because it was beyond Cloud's understanding - but this didn't stop him from being curious. Because as much as Zack made light of everything, to die for someone was no simple matter. And Cloud would give anything to know what had been going through Zack's mind in those final moments.

Needless to say, it was an awkward topic to broach, and a strange conversation to initiate, but Cloud felt it had to be done, at one point or another. For his personal assurance, if anything else.

"You know," he began, unsure of exactly what to say, but feeling that at least trying was necessary, "After you were gone, I told myself I'd live out both our lives." His smile was bitter with irony. It was a confession, maybe, and Cloud knew it wasn't relevant to anything at all, but it was something. He didn't know who it'd been that he'd promised - himself, or Zack - but it'd meant more to him than anything else.




Zack was silently surprised by the suddenly new topic at hand. But what further made him surprised was the words Cloud said, and the look on his face made Zack even more curious as to why he'd say such a thing.

Violet eyes shifted to look back up at the sky then, thinking over the blond's words very carefully in the process. In all honesty, Zack had been, and still was, to this day, frustrated with what happened in the past. Not frustrated because of Cloud, not because of the death itself, but for the fact that he couldn't protect Cloud when the other needed it the most. He was angry at himself for being so careless, to act so rash and not have any kind of real game plan before he busted out of ShinRa with Cloud. It was just a sudden urge he had one day – granted, yes, he had thought about it for a while, but there were no chances of busting out then. Thankfully they were careless the day that they escaped, which was a pleasing thought in itself, but Zack really didn't know what to do after that. So he did all he knew he could do: run. He ran, fought, did anything and everything to try and get at least Cloud to safety.

But all he did was put Cloud in more danger. All he did was give him the gift of having to have more burdens on his shoulders. He couldn't even protect one person, one person that he found he truly wanted to look after and care for with everything he had in him.

Zack really did feel disappointed in himself. Again, Cloud deserved so much more than that.

Even though that guilt slowly rose in his chest, Zack smiled anyway. “You know, it's an awfully big job trying to live my life out as well, kiddo.” He didn't look at Cloud, but he grinned nonetheless. “That's a pretty hefty load to carry on your shoulders, and certainly not something that you should feel so inclined to do. But,” Zack paused, turning his head to look over at the blond with a kind smile, appreciation dancing over his features, “thank you. I'm honored to have a friend like you.” He didn't look like he was joking this time around; he really wasn't.




"No." Cloud shook his head, eyes downcast. "It's... I'm the one who's honored."

Zack had died for him, and this was all he could say. And Zack was so sincere, so genuine - expressive in a way that transcended words, while Cloud floundered helplessly with any attempts he made to make clear his thoughts, hindered by nothing but his own pointless insecurities. Cloud felt suddenly inadequate, so much more so than usual, because he knew he owed Zack so much more. And words meant everything and nothing, and he was worthless with them.

"I don't know what I was thinking back then," he continued nonetheless, feeling it was necessary to press on. Cloud was being completely honest. His memories following the incident at Nibelheim were still fragmented and distorted at best, still tainted with his own delusions and possibly broken beyond repair. Some things didn't simply heal with time. He was almost glad that he couldn't remember, though, because he couldn't imagine what he must have felt. Because then, everything he had known and loved had been lost to the world.

He realized, bitterly, that he might have been better off not knowing that he'd lived the last five years fooling himself; kept sane by his own insanity. Because now, Cloud didn't know who he was, and he was left with nothing at all, except for the shards of what he could call his past, but what use were they to him now?

But he was wrong to think so. He hadn't lost everything, and he wasn't nothing. There were a lot of things he still had to figure out, but he knew that when Zack had died, something inside of him had died along with him. And now it was reviving, slowly but surely, because he'd found him, and it was all he needed.

Cloud was good at running away. He had rearranged his own memories and persona to suit what he deemed favorable, simply to avoid something that he couldn't bear to confront. Now, though, he was going to change, or try, in the very least. It was something - progress, if you will, though that only made it sound like more of a head case than Cloud wanted to acknowledge.




Even though Zack constantly claimed that he was prepared for every sort of situation at any time, he suddenly realized that this was probably something that one couldn't just simply walk into. Cloud somehow had a way of just suddenly saying thing, however, and if he wanted to, Zack would listen. But the look on the other's face told him otherwise, that even though Zack wanted to press him on, it wasn't in his place to do so.

There were a lot of things that were untouchables with Cloud, and despite Zack's efforts at making him spit out what the blond really had to say, he was suddenly reluctant and withdrew considerably from touchy topics. Such as this one, because he knew it was something important, and he knew it wasn't right of him to ask anymore of Cloud.

When Cloud paused, Zack looked over his face carefully and then smiled partly. He had a faint idea that the other wanted to say more, but the raven-haired SOLDIER decided to himself that baby steps was all Cloud needed. Jumping into something that might be crucial and terribly important while he was trying not to make silly goo-goo eyes at Cloud wouldn't do him any good. Not right now, at least.

Zack sat up then, stretching his arms up to the sky while staring up at the glistening stars above. He then crouched over, resting his forearms on his knees as legs propped up to support him, surveying the sky as if he was searching for something. And then, he spoke: “Things happen for a reason, Cloud. And no matter what it is, it's happened, and it's in the past.” Zack nodded to himself, smiling a bit wider. He craned his neck a little higher, inhaling the salty air as eyelids hid violet eyes. “I want you to tell me things when you're ready,” he turned slightly, looking over at Cloud with kind eyes, “and I don't think right now you're completely ready. But when you are? I'll be here to listen.”




Cloud was surprised. Was he so transparent? He realized there was truth in what Zack said, though; Cloud was simply being inopportune, as he always was. He also knew that Zack knew infinitely better than he did. This was something he had long ceased denying. "Alright."

For a moment, he watched Zack enjoy the sea and the wind and everything, seemingly at perfect peace. What he wouldn't give to be more like him, and not the wreck that he was now.

"It's late," he observed at length.




“Sadly.” Zack sighed rather dramatically, hanging his head as a hand reached to scratch the back of his neck. But he perked up despite knowing that their little (or not-so little) date had come to an end, because Zack claimed this to be one of the best days of his life.

He finally took to standing up, dusting bits of sand off of him as best as he could then bent over to shove things back into the basket. Turning around after he was finished, Zack extended a hand out to Cloud, giving one of his toothy grins in the meantime.




Cloud took his hand, returning the smile with one of his own. It was getting easier now, he was discovering; it came naturally, and with full sincerity. He decided that it felt good. And he felt lighter, as though everything had become simpler, even if just a little bit. He supposed that it had, and he was grateful to know it.

The return trip was a lot shorter than Cloud had expected, which might have been because few words were exchanged and even fewer detours were made along the way. It was just as well, for Cloud appreciated the silence, and he felt that it complemented the darkness that now shrouded the city with the arrival of nightfall. It also gave him the opportunity to think, though this time, he wasn't troubled by his thoughts, as he was so accustomed to enduring. Now, he thought about how the entire thing had been real, and that he couldn't recall a time when he'd enjoyed himself as much as he had today.

Most importantly, though, he'd managed to come to an agreement with himself - he'd found it within himself to summon the courage necessary to approach Zack with one of the most sensitive issues he'd kept within himself until now, and realizing he was capable of this was uplifting. It was trifling, perhaps, and nothing entirely profound, but it was progress nonetheless.