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tampered2007-02-20 03:05 pm
juicebox-woes.livejournal.com) wrote in tampered2007-02-20 03:05 pm
Log: Complete
When; February 15th-16th, Advent of Greed-Day (Backdated)
Rating; PG-13 for language
Characters; Kuchiki Rukia[![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
juicebox_woes], Abarai Renji[x_norainu_x]
Summary; Rukia finally gets a chance to go catch up with her best friend, only things go a little awry when Renji gets hit with the Greed-day curse
Log;
In the midst of the shadows strung across his room like a web of finely woven gossamer, Renji sat idly, the soft material of his bedding violently twisted in his sweat-covered palms, stoic countenance all but hidden as he recounted the tiles lining the bottom of his floor.
Monotonous activities, in their many wondrous forms, were far better than any other preoccupations, or rather, preoccupation his mind had been obsessing over for the past few hours. A preoccupation with hair that shimmered an obsidian so rich that it mirrored the very sky that lay lazily blanketed through the nearby window, interspersed in its midst, a thousand pinhole stars that added to its already undeniable radiance. A deep, throaty growl escaped from between his parted lips as he stood suddenly, in one swift movement his fist crashing vehemently into the nearby wall. Without a sound, he withdrew the bleeding limb, a concave indentation the only indication that a one, Abarai Renji, had allowed his feelings to get the better of him once again. Placing his forehead on the cool wood, he closed his listless eyes, breathing slowly as he struggled to subdue the feelings that were threatening to spill over once again.
That very same "preoccupation" was now heading up the stairs to the apartment. Renji lived in the same building as she and Ichigo, so it wasn't as though it was unfamiliar territory. It was just...higher, considering that her apartment was on the first floor and his on the ninth. She sighed slightly, running a hand through night-black hair as she mounted the last flight of stairs, wincing slightly as the fabric of her haori rubbed against the scar on her shoulder. She'd thrown the top of her normal robes on over the combat uniform for two reasons. One, the backless and sideless uniform was cold in the winter. Two, it revealed a bit more skin then she was really comfortable simply walking around flashing. But the material wasn't that soft, and even though it was healed, the scar was still tender. Reaching her destination, she smoothed her hair and knocked on the door with the metal 97 on it.
Startling as the room painfully echoed the knock on the door, Renji withdrew himself from against the wall, grabbing his discarded shirt from the nearby floor before walking towards the source of the sound. He slung the battered piece of fabric over his shoulder as he approached, hesitantly touching the doorknob as he swallowed hard before pulling aside the portal blocking him from the thing he wanted, no, needed most.
"Rukia."
She frowned slightly at his appearance. She didn't care that he wasn't wearing a shirt. Afterall, it wasn't as though they hadn't grown up together. It was...something else. He looked worn, haggard. Tired, but not as much in a physical sense. She cocked her head at him, concern mirrored in her blue-violet eyes. She might not understand Renji as much as she once had, given the years they had spent apart, but that didn't mean she didn't care. Afterall, he was her best friend. Her FIRST friend. And...as much family as Byakuya and Hisana were, if not moreso. Pushing aside her concerns, she smiled at him. "Renji. It's good to see you."
He nearly had to shake himself to withdraw his distracted consciousness from his own mind, the very sight of her almost placing him in a catatonic state. Clearing his throat hurriedly and doing his best to shake off his uneasiness, Renji managed to crack what only the trained eye could call a smile; a slight twitch in the corner of his lip few had been privy to in recent years. Eyeing her for a long moment, the red haired shinigami stepped aside, motioning for her to come in as he spoke sarcastically, in her case, a staple of endearment.
"What the hell are you wearin'?"
Blueviolet eyes narrowed into a slightly sullen frown. What kind of greeting was that. But then, it WAS Renji, and therefore it meant that she was probably not likely to get any sort of enthusiastic greeting. With a "hmph", she stepped around him and through the doorway as she glanced up at him.
"What the hell is THAT supposed to mean? You act like I'm wandering around wearing some sort of....pink bunny costume or something."
Three, two, one. There it was, the reaction Renji had been waiting for. The flicker of uninhibited spirit that sparked in Rukia's ethereal eyes defiantly as she strode through the doorway; the same spirit that had long since entranced him. As he looked down at her from where he stood, Renji couldn't help laughing, for a moment, forgetting his previously sullen demeanor and plaguing thoughts. Placing a single hand on the top of Rukia's head, he patted her playfully before withdrawing his hand, knowing all too well that if it lingered longer than just a few seconds, it would come back considerably worse for the ware.
"I bet you have one too. A pink bunny costume," he trailed off, still laughing under his breath as he closed the door behind them, moving into the kitchen with ease to retract two bottles from a porcelain colored refrigerator, "I bet your zanpaktou's form is a pink bunny too. Probably looks just like Chappy." At this notion, he burst out laughing even louder, barely managing to place the bottle in her hands before plopping himself down on a nearby couch, slowly, the convulsions subsiding, his visage straightening and returning to its usual stoic demeanor. "But seriously, Rukia, how have you been?"
He was right about the hand. His removal of it from the crown of her head coincided with the three seconds during which she was preparing to move it FOR him. The scowl only deepened. He knew she hated that, and that was probably the precise reason why he persisted in doing it. "I do NOT! And she doesn't look like one either!" She fumed silently for a moment, entertaining the idea of slugging him, but decided against it as she saw the laughter on his face. In fact...she smiled slightly. It had been too long since she'd seen Renji laugh, and it was good to see it again.
Sitting down on the other end of the couch, she took the proferred bottle and began to study the top to try and see if it was the sort she knew how to open. "All right. I mean....I'm here, getting cursed and all. But..Inoue's safe, so that's a good thing. And...it hasn't been all bad here. Things with Nii-san are...so much better. And...I got to meet Onee-san."
Her. Her zanpaktou…Renji had almost forgotten that Rukia had learned its name, its identity a while back, but despite this fact, he still found himself forgetting it. Perhaps in some small way it was denial, a way for him linger on the past a little longer, still trying to preserve the days when they were nigh inseparable. Days long faded into nothing more than memory. At the thought, a familiar twinge of regret reverberated through his body, then another, and sooner than he might have guessed, those feelings began to culminate, the physical expressions of which resulted in him breaking the bottle he was holding in his hand.
Shaking off the occurrence with a shrug and a remarkably controlled visage, Renji stood and batted the shards of glass away from his clothing, using the shirt still hung over his shoulder to mop up the wasted drink and glass discarding it all in a nearby trash can before returning with a freshly picked bottle. Uncapping it with ease, his eyes wandered over to Rukia who seemed to be studying the object with a considerable degree of concentration. Without asking, he removed it from her hands, twisted the cap, and placed it back in her outstretched palms. "It twists off," he said nonchalantly, nearly emptying his bottle in one swallow, "yeah…you're here…but here didn't turn out to be so bad for you…I'm glad, Rukia. You seem happy."
Glancing at her studiously, he boldly took note of her appearance, for the first time since he had seen her tonight, catching a glimpse of what looked like a scar emerging from beneath the fabric covering her svelte form. Eyebrow creasing in a scowl, Renji boldly reached out and pushed aside the cloth covering her neck, fingers trailing lightly over the indignant wound. Speaking in an almost threatening, yet concerned tone, he locked eyes with her as he spoke, not removing his hand from her person as he did so, "Rukia, what happened?"
She flinched slightly as the bottle cracked in his hand. Though she might not have known what was wrong, she did know Renji well enough to know that something was bothering him. Even if she hadn't already known. With a nod of thanks to him, she took the bottle, taking a sip of the beverage. Yes, she was...happy. But what about her best friend? Was he doing alright in this place? As she opened her mouth to ask him, she saw his expression change. With a startled yelp, she jerked back as he pushed aside the neck of her uniform to scowl at the scar. Meeting his intense gaze, she bit her lip with a sigh. No point in hiding it now.
Pulling the material from his hand, she carefully shrugged out of the robes, leaving her shoulders bare in the combat uniform she wore underneath. Without the concealing fabric, he could see that it wasn't just the side of her neck. The scar was expansive, stretching from the angle of her jaw all the way down her neck and over the front of her shoulder to disappear under the black fabric, the margins of pink scar tissue reaching down her left arm to end about an inch or two past her elbow. "An...accident."
Renji's eyes widened in disbelief as he looked at Rukia's body, the perpetual frown of her scar drawing a distinctive line across the expanse of her silken smooth skin. He found himself unable to speak as he reached out to touch her once again, his fingers burning at contact with the raised and wounded flesh. Experience told him this was no ordinary wound…It was a kidou wound. Clasping his hand around her shoulder, head bowed and hidden in shadow as he spoke, Renji tried to keep himself from shaking, the anger surging through his veins threatening to boil over as something inside him snapped.
"What the fuck happened Rukia?! This," he said, raising his countenance to meet hers, "wasn't an accident. It's a fuckin' kidou wound!"
How dare anybody, anything do something so horrible to Rukia? His Rukia. The Rukia he grew up with. The Rukia that he loved. The Rukia that was rightfully his. Unable to master what he was feeling any longer, Renji jettisoned the bottle he was holding against the nearby wall, the clock it struck stopping dead in its tracks, the unlucky number 12:03am glimmering dimly for the last time. "I thought you said you were going to be careful, Damnit!"
She winced as his fingers clenched on her shoulder, gritting her teeth before she pried his hand off with a yelp. "Renji, you're hurting me!" Scooting back slightly, she gingerly rubbed the sore spot, flinching as his temper flared and the bottle impacted with the clock. Waiting a moment for his temper to calm down, she sighed, tucking a stray strand of hair behind one ear.
"Yes, it's a kidou wound. But it was also an accident. Well...in a way." Glancing away for a moment, she pondered the best way to put it to hopefully NOT trigger his temper again. It wasn't so much that she was afraid of Renji's temper, she just didn't really want to upset him any more then he already was. Swallowing, she fixed her gaze on him again, pulling the robe back over the scar. "I was being careful. Until something went wrong. The scar is from the kidou Yoruichi used to restart my heart after it stopped for 7 minutes. It saved my life..."
Though she didn't say it, it was obvious from her expression that she was having a tough time dealing with the mark that marred her skin. Despite how she might say it didn't bother her, that it was something she wanted to keep, wanted to have as a reminder, no one else knew how she stood in front of her mirror and studied it when no one was around. Tried to hide it with her robes or other clothes. How she refused eye contact when she knew someone was staring at it.
"Accident?!…Fuckin' accident?!," he said through bared teeth, "And I'm supposed to be okay with that? Just write it off and not worry about why it happened or whose fault it was? Not learn anything to prevent it from happening again, Rukia?! " He stood now, sculpted form pacing back and forth in front of her, a free hand running through the freed red mane that sat atop his head, crimson locks flailing wildly as he continued to move across the room, unsure of what to do with himself until she gave a reason as to its origin. He could taste the bile in his mouth.
Turning to look at her, he caught a glimpse of the timid way she pulled the fabric over the scar, the hesitant and slightly ashamed tone that lingered for the briefest of seconds in her voice as she spoke. This affliction was more than just superficial, and at that realization, no matter how much he wanted to continue yelling and being angry, Renji couldn't continue being mad. He couldn't continue assaulting her with questions or blame when he knew how much she had already suffered. Sighing, momentarily placing a hand over his eyes, Renji steadied his breathing before walking over to where Rukia sat perched, his hands lightly reaching forth to uncover what she wanted hidden. "You're still beautiful you know," he said softly, brows still furrowed in a perpetual scowl, "even with this." He paused for a long moment, eyes lingering over the beautiful curvature of her neck, the gentle indentations creasing along her slender shoulders, "But I can try to take it away if you want."
She bit her lip, glancing away at first as he came over. He was going to yell, she knew it. And...she supposed he was well within his right to do so. Just as Ichigo had been, though he surprisingly hadn't yelled much at all. At his hand on her shoulder, she shied back momentarily, trying to recover the scar. She didn't...have the right to remove it. Afterall, it had been her own reckless behaviour that had led to it's presence.
At his words, her head snapped around, wide amethyst eyes shiny with unshed tears that she hadn't wanted him to see. "R..Renji...." Swallowing and glancing away again, she shook her head. "That's...nice of you to say, but....I don't deserve to have it taken away. It's...my own fault it's there, afterall. I should...have to live with the reminder."
Of all the things she might have expected him to say, telling her that she was beautiful was definitely not among them. And yet....it helped. Certainly she didn't have any romantic feelings for Renji, but....he was just as important to her as Ichigo, or Byakuya, or Inoue, or any of the other people she loved. And...his opinion, even though it might have been only an intent to make her feel better, helped a bit.
Tears. If there were something that were able to kill Renji in a matter of seconds, it would be Rukia crying. Seeing her so full of pain, knowing how much he was hurting was enough to make it hard for him to breath, let alone move. He wasn't use to this emotional bullshit. He wasn't use to having to reassure people or know how to make them stop crying when they were. Factually, he tried to avoid these types of situation whenever possible, and in the past, had been able to walk away or not say anything without feeling bad, but…This was different. This was Rukia, and she was hurting. No matter how hard she tried to hide it, no matter how strong she thought her defenses were, Renji could see right through them.
Grabbing her hand tentatively and pulling her to her feet, Renji shook his head gently, the corner of his mouth twitching, "you idiot. Is that what you really think? That you should have to suffer the scar being on your body just because you screwed up? Tch. If that were the case, I'd be covered in 'em too, Rukia. You don't have to wear it around to remind yourself or torture yourself over what happened. Learn from it, yes. Remember it, yes. But keep it up here, where it belongs. Its made just as much of an impact there as it has here," he said, lightly grazing a finger over her shoulder, "let me take it off for you…as a favor to me."
For a moment, he actually managed to render her speechless. It was....almost like before. Before the hurt, and the distance. Before she'd been adopted by the Kuchiki family and Renji had begun to pull away from her. It was...nice. She couldn't help but smile at his mention of being covered in scars. "Well, you did always suck at kidou in Academy." Standing up, she managed not to flinch as he traced a finger over the scar. With a slight sigh, she considered his proposition for a moment. "A..alright, Renji. As a favour to you."
It was true that Renji had had difficulties with kidou in the academy, but the years had sharpened his skills and with so much riding on his performance tonight, the red haired shinigami knew it was almost an impossibility that he would fail or deliver anything less than perfection.
"And yet you're letting me remove a kidou scar. Whose the dumbass in this situation?" He had tried to say the words sarcastically, but they came out light, un-weighted, "Just, hold still."
Traveling around her, his hands to her back, Renji closed his eyes, envisioning the spell as his fingers went through the motions, voice low and barely audible as he completed the incantation. Opening his eyes, Renji watched confidently as the lines marring her porcelain skin began to disappear and dissolve, her flesh once again flawless and unblemished. He couldn't help running his fingers over her back, something he had never had the courage to do before. Just touching her was a completely alien sensation, a privilege he had never before experienced, something he had wished for in silence, in the darkest recesses of himself. Something he got to experience every day.
It wasn't fair. Rukia should be his. Why not? He had known her first. He had been there for her from the beginning. Always by her side, always protecting her, watching out for her, putting her happiness before his own. It was only right. Before he knew what he was doing, Renji had wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her to him as tightly, yet as gently as he could manage, his face nuzzling her cheek, crimson locks of hair cascading and intertwining with her raven colored mane. He inhaled deeply, taking in the sweet smell of her, eyes closing for only and instant as the very feel of her intoxicated his senses, drove the manipulative feeling inside him over the edge. He exhaled deeply before speaking, grip tightening around her as he spilled forth the words his body, his mind didn't want him to say, "Rukia…I love you. I've always loved you. From the very beginning, I've never stopped…"
He was screaming inside his own head. It was as if he was watching what was happening from outside his own body, powerless to do anything about it, yet every moment wanting more and more of what he knew he couldn't have…of what he knew he shouldn't be doing. Releasing her from the hug, Renji turned her around, hands quickly replacing themselves around her waist as he leaned downward, mouth gently covering her own in a heated, yet heartfelt kiss. Her lips where soft and sweet and tasted of honey, her svelte form so perfectly matched against his own…They were perfect together. Perfect for each other.
But she's not yours.
Eyes snapping open, Renji pushed away from what he knew would be a stunned and possibly angry Rukia, his face hidden in his hands as he struggled with the silent war raging within him; a battle between desire, greed and what he knew was right. Just managing to pull away from the female shinigami had taken every ounce of his strength, drops of perspiration appearing on his forehead as he slumped towards the floor, knees firmly imbedded in the ground, a single hand on the wall to stabilize him as he struggled for control. "I'm…I'm..s.orry. Please, go."
She rolled her eyes at his name-calling, but turned around anyway and waited, eyes fixed on the scar that stretched across her skin. As much as she wanted it gone, she couldn't help but feel nervous. Not that Renji would try his hardest. No, she had no doubts at all in her mind regarding that. But...Rukia wasn't sure if even Renji's skill would be enough to take away the stain of her brush with death. As her mind followed his almost automatically, mentally tracing the spell herself as he spoke the words, she watched as the painful mark faded, soon vanishing completely. The smile that broke across her face was interrupted by a shudder as his fingers ghosted across her back.
"Renji, that tickles, stop-" Eyes widened and her voice failed her as she suddenly found herself pulled into his embrace, his face nuzzling her cheek. What...what was he doing?! Sure, she'd almost died, but still....this wasn't like Renji... The only thing she could do was stand there in stunned silence as his words caused the blood to freeze in her veins. Renji....loved her? Had...always loved her? Shock warred with shame as she realized how long it must have been, how many years she had been blissfully unaware while he suffered on in silence. And now...so many things made sense. Why he got so angry around Ichigo, why he still pushed her away like he did.
As she was contemplating what to say, what to do, all thought shattered in her head as Renji spun her around and kissed her. All the colour drained from her face and she froze, hands stone-still against his forearms where they'd been raised to push him off of her. No. This was...wrong. It wasn't supposed to be like this, wasn't supposed to be Renji who was kissing her.
But before she could do anything herself, something seemed to click and he was pushing her away, bracing himself against the wall and telling her to leave. Stunned into momentary silence, she simply stood there, trembling slightly, eyes wide and full of too many emotions to name. Swallowing past the lump in her throat, she opened her mouth as if to say something, then closed it and simply turned and fled, the door slamming behind her.
Rating; PG-13 for language
Characters; Kuchiki Rukia[
juicebox_woes], Abarai Renji[x_norainu_x]Summary; Rukia finally gets a chance to go catch up with her best friend, only things go a little awry when Renji gets hit with the Greed-day curse
Log;
In the midst of the shadows strung across his room like a web of finely woven gossamer, Renji sat idly, the soft material of his bedding violently twisted in his sweat-covered palms, stoic countenance all but hidden as he recounted the tiles lining the bottom of his floor.
Monotonous activities, in their many wondrous forms, were far better than any other preoccupations, or rather, preoccupation his mind had been obsessing over for the past few hours. A preoccupation with hair that shimmered an obsidian so rich that it mirrored the very sky that lay lazily blanketed through the nearby window, interspersed in its midst, a thousand pinhole stars that added to its already undeniable radiance. A deep, throaty growl escaped from between his parted lips as he stood suddenly, in one swift movement his fist crashing vehemently into the nearby wall. Without a sound, he withdrew the bleeding limb, a concave indentation the only indication that a one, Abarai Renji, had allowed his feelings to get the better of him once again. Placing his forehead on the cool wood, he closed his listless eyes, breathing slowly as he struggled to subdue the feelings that were threatening to spill over once again.
That very same "preoccupation" was now heading up the stairs to the apartment. Renji lived in the same building as she and Ichigo, so it wasn't as though it was unfamiliar territory. It was just...higher, considering that her apartment was on the first floor and his on the ninth. She sighed slightly, running a hand through night-black hair as she mounted the last flight of stairs, wincing slightly as the fabric of her haori rubbed against the scar on her shoulder. She'd thrown the top of her normal robes on over the combat uniform for two reasons. One, the backless and sideless uniform was cold in the winter. Two, it revealed a bit more skin then she was really comfortable simply walking around flashing. But the material wasn't that soft, and even though it was healed, the scar was still tender. Reaching her destination, she smoothed her hair and knocked on the door with the metal 97 on it.
Startling as the room painfully echoed the knock on the door, Renji withdrew himself from against the wall, grabbing his discarded shirt from the nearby floor before walking towards the source of the sound. He slung the battered piece of fabric over his shoulder as he approached, hesitantly touching the doorknob as he swallowed hard before pulling aside the portal blocking him from the thing he wanted, no, needed most.
"Rukia."
She frowned slightly at his appearance. She didn't care that he wasn't wearing a shirt. Afterall, it wasn't as though they hadn't grown up together. It was...something else. He looked worn, haggard. Tired, but not as much in a physical sense. She cocked her head at him, concern mirrored in her blue-violet eyes. She might not understand Renji as much as she once had, given the years they had spent apart, but that didn't mean she didn't care. Afterall, he was her best friend. Her FIRST friend. And...as much family as Byakuya and Hisana were, if not moreso. Pushing aside her concerns, she smiled at him. "Renji. It's good to see you."
He nearly had to shake himself to withdraw his distracted consciousness from his own mind, the very sight of her almost placing him in a catatonic state. Clearing his throat hurriedly and doing his best to shake off his uneasiness, Renji managed to crack what only the trained eye could call a smile; a slight twitch in the corner of his lip few had been privy to in recent years. Eyeing her for a long moment, the red haired shinigami stepped aside, motioning for her to come in as he spoke sarcastically, in her case, a staple of endearment.
"What the hell are you wearin'?"
Blueviolet eyes narrowed into a slightly sullen frown. What kind of greeting was that. But then, it WAS Renji, and therefore it meant that she was probably not likely to get any sort of enthusiastic greeting. With a "hmph", she stepped around him and through the doorway as she glanced up at him.
"What the hell is THAT supposed to mean? You act like I'm wandering around wearing some sort of....pink bunny costume or something."
Three, two, one. There it was, the reaction Renji had been waiting for. The flicker of uninhibited spirit that sparked in Rukia's ethereal eyes defiantly as she strode through the doorway; the same spirit that had long since entranced him. As he looked down at her from where he stood, Renji couldn't help laughing, for a moment, forgetting his previously sullen demeanor and plaguing thoughts. Placing a single hand on the top of Rukia's head, he patted her playfully before withdrawing his hand, knowing all too well that if it lingered longer than just a few seconds, it would come back considerably worse for the ware.
"I bet you have one too. A pink bunny costume," he trailed off, still laughing under his breath as he closed the door behind them, moving into the kitchen with ease to retract two bottles from a porcelain colored refrigerator, "I bet your zanpaktou's form is a pink bunny too. Probably looks just like Chappy." At this notion, he burst out laughing even louder, barely managing to place the bottle in her hands before plopping himself down on a nearby couch, slowly, the convulsions subsiding, his visage straightening and returning to its usual stoic demeanor. "But seriously, Rukia, how have you been?"
He was right about the hand. His removal of it from the crown of her head coincided with the three seconds during which she was preparing to move it FOR him. The scowl only deepened. He knew she hated that, and that was probably the precise reason why he persisted in doing it. "I do NOT! And she doesn't look like one either!" She fumed silently for a moment, entertaining the idea of slugging him, but decided against it as she saw the laughter on his face. In fact...she smiled slightly. It had been too long since she'd seen Renji laugh, and it was good to see it again.
Sitting down on the other end of the couch, she took the proferred bottle and began to study the top to try and see if it was the sort she knew how to open. "All right. I mean....I'm here, getting cursed and all. But..Inoue's safe, so that's a good thing. And...it hasn't been all bad here. Things with Nii-san are...so much better. And...I got to meet Onee-san."
Her. Her zanpaktou…Renji had almost forgotten that Rukia had learned its name, its identity a while back, but despite this fact, he still found himself forgetting it. Perhaps in some small way it was denial, a way for him linger on the past a little longer, still trying to preserve the days when they were nigh inseparable. Days long faded into nothing more than memory. At the thought, a familiar twinge of regret reverberated through his body, then another, and sooner than he might have guessed, those feelings began to culminate, the physical expressions of which resulted in him breaking the bottle he was holding in his hand.
Shaking off the occurrence with a shrug and a remarkably controlled visage, Renji stood and batted the shards of glass away from his clothing, using the shirt still hung over his shoulder to mop up the wasted drink and glass discarding it all in a nearby trash can before returning with a freshly picked bottle. Uncapping it with ease, his eyes wandered over to Rukia who seemed to be studying the object with a considerable degree of concentration. Without asking, he removed it from her hands, twisted the cap, and placed it back in her outstretched palms. "It twists off," he said nonchalantly, nearly emptying his bottle in one swallow, "yeah…you're here…but here didn't turn out to be so bad for you…I'm glad, Rukia. You seem happy."
Glancing at her studiously, he boldly took note of her appearance, for the first time since he had seen her tonight, catching a glimpse of what looked like a scar emerging from beneath the fabric covering her svelte form. Eyebrow creasing in a scowl, Renji boldly reached out and pushed aside the cloth covering her neck, fingers trailing lightly over the indignant wound. Speaking in an almost threatening, yet concerned tone, he locked eyes with her as he spoke, not removing his hand from her person as he did so, "Rukia, what happened?"
She flinched slightly as the bottle cracked in his hand. Though she might not have known what was wrong, she did know Renji well enough to know that something was bothering him. Even if she hadn't already known. With a nod of thanks to him, she took the bottle, taking a sip of the beverage. Yes, she was...happy. But what about her best friend? Was he doing alright in this place? As she opened her mouth to ask him, she saw his expression change. With a startled yelp, she jerked back as he pushed aside the neck of her uniform to scowl at the scar. Meeting his intense gaze, she bit her lip with a sigh. No point in hiding it now.
Pulling the material from his hand, she carefully shrugged out of the robes, leaving her shoulders bare in the combat uniform she wore underneath. Without the concealing fabric, he could see that it wasn't just the side of her neck. The scar was expansive, stretching from the angle of her jaw all the way down her neck and over the front of her shoulder to disappear under the black fabric, the margins of pink scar tissue reaching down her left arm to end about an inch or two past her elbow. "An...accident."
Renji's eyes widened in disbelief as he looked at Rukia's body, the perpetual frown of her scar drawing a distinctive line across the expanse of her silken smooth skin. He found himself unable to speak as he reached out to touch her once again, his fingers burning at contact with the raised and wounded flesh. Experience told him this was no ordinary wound…It was a kidou wound. Clasping his hand around her shoulder, head bowed and hidden in shadow as he spoke, Renji tried to keep himself from shaking, the anger surging through his veins threatening to boil over as something inside him snapped.
"What the fuck happened Rukia?! This," he said, raising his countenance to meet hers, "wasn't an accident. It's a fuckin' kidou wound!"
How dare anybody, anything do something so horrible to Rukia? His Rukia. The Rukia he grew up with. The Rukia that he loved. The Rukia that was rightfully his. Unable to master what he was feeling any longer, Renji jettisoned the bottle he was holding against the nearby wall, the clock it struck stopping dead in its tracks, the unlucky number 12:03am glimmering dimly for the last time. "I thought you said you were going to be careful, Damnit!"
She winced as his fingers clenched on her shoulder, gritting her teeth before she pried his hand off with a yelp. "Renji, you're hurting me!" Scooting back slightly, she gingerly rubbed the sore spot, flinching as his temper flared and the bottle impacted with the clock. Waiting a moment for his temper to calm down, she sighed, tucking a stray strand of hair behind one ear.
"Yes, it's a kidou wound. But it was also an accident. Well...in a way." Glancing away for a moment, she pondered the best way to put it to hopefully NOT trigger his temper again. It wasn't so much that she was afraid of Renji's temper, she just didn't really want to upset him any more then he already was. Swallowing, she fixed her gaze on him again, pulling the robe back over the scar. "I was being careful. Until something went wrong. The scar is from the kidou Yoruichi used to restart my heart after it stopped for 7 minutes. It saved my life..."
Though she didn't say it, it was obvious from her expression that she was having a tough time dealing with the mark that marred her skin. Despite how she might say it didn't bother her, that it was something she wanted to keep, wanted to have as a reminder, no one else knew how she stood in front of her mirror and studied it when no one was around. Tried to hide it with her robes or other clothes. How she refused eye contact when she knew someone was staring at it.
"Accident?!…Fuckin' accident?!," he said through bared teeth, "And I'm supposed to be okay with that? Just write it off and not worry about why it happened or whose fault it was? Not learn anything to prevent it from happening again, Rukia?! " He stood now, sculpted form pacing back and forth in front of her, a free hand running through the freed red mane that sat atop his head, crimson locks flailing wildly as he continued to move across the room, unsure of what to do with himself until she gave a reason as to its origin. He could taste the bile in his mouth.
Turning to look at her, he caught a glimpse of the timid way she pulled the fabric over the scar, the hesitant and slightly ashamed tone that lingered for the briefest of seconds in her voice as she spoke. This affliction was more than just superficial, and at that realization, no matter how much he wanted to continue yelling and being angry, Renji couldn't continue being mad. He couldn't continue assaulting her with questions or blame when he knew how much she had already suffered. Sighing, momentarily placing a hand over his eyes, Renji steadied his breathing before walking over to where Rukia sat perched, his hands lightly reaching forth to uncover what she wanted hidden. "You're still beautiful you know," he said softly, brows still furrowed in a perpetual scowl, "even with this." He paused for a long moment, eyes lingering over the beautiful curvature of her neck, the gentle indentations creasing along her slender shoulders, "But I can try to take it away if you want."
She bit her lip, glancing away at first as he came over. He was going to yell, she knew it. And...she supposed he was well within his right to do so. Just as Ichigo had been, though he surprisingly hadn't yelled much at all. At his hand on her shoulder, she shied back momentarily, trying to recover the scar. She didn't...have the right to remove it. Afterall, it had been her own reckless behaviour that had led to it's presence.
At his words, her head snapped around, wide amethyst eyes shiny with unshed tears that she hadn't wanted him to see. "R..Renji...." Swallowing and glancing away again, she shook her head. "That's...nice of you to say, but....I don't deserve to have it taken away. It's...my own fault it's there, afterall. I should...have to live with the reminder."
Of all the things she might have expected him to say, telling her that she was beautiful was definitely not among them. And yet....it helped. Certainly she didn't have any romantic feelings for Renji, but....he was just as important to her as Ichigo, or Byakuya, or Inoue, or any of the other people she loved. And...his opinion, even though it might have been only an intent to make her feel better, helped a bit.
Tears. If there were something that were able to kill Renji in a matter of seconds, it would be Rukia crying. Seeing her so full of pain, knowing how much he was hurting was enough to make it hard for him to breath, let alone move. He wasn't use to this emotional bullshit. He wasn't use to having to reassure people or know how to make them stop crying when they were. Factually, he tried to avoid these types of situation whenever possible, and in the past, had been able to walk away or not say anything without feeling bad, but…This was different. This was Rukia, and she was hurting. No matter how hard she tried to hide it, no matter how strong she thought her defenses were, Renji could see right through them.
Grabbing her hand tentatively and pulling her to her feet, Renji shook his head gently, the corner of his mouth twitching, "you idiot. Is that what you really think? That you should have to suffer the scar being on your body just because you screwed up? Tch. If that were the case, I'd be covered in 'em too, Rukia. You don't have to wear it around to remind yourself or torture yourself over what happened. Learn from it, yes. Remember it, yes. But keep it up here, where it belongs. Its made just as much of an impact there as it has here," he said, lightly grazing a finger over her shoulder, "let me take it off for you…as a favor to me."
For a moment, he actually managed to render her speechless. It was....almost like before. Before the hurt, and the distance. Before she'd been adopted by the Kuchiki family and Renji had begun to pull away from her. It was...nice. She couldn't help but smile at his mention of being covered in scars. "Well, you did always suck at kidou in Academy." Standing up, she managed not to flinch as he traced a finger over the scar. With a slight sigh, she considered his proposition for a moment. "A..alright, Renji. As a favour to you."
It was true that Renji had had difficulties with kidou in the academy, but the years had sharpened his skills and with so much riding on his performance tonight, the red haired shinigami knew it was almost an impossibility that he would fail or deliver anything less than perfection.
"And yet you're letting me remove a kidou scar. Whose the dumbass in this situation?" He had tried to say the words sarcastically, but they came out light, un-weighted, "Just, hold still."
Traveling around her, his hands to her back, Renji closed his eyes, envisioning the spell as his fingers went through the motions, voice low and barely audible as he completed the incantation. Opening his eyes, Renji watched confidently as the lines marring her porcelain skin began to disappear and dissolve, her flesh once again flawless and unblemished. He couldn't help running his fingers over her back, something he had never had the courage to do before. Just touching her was a completely alien sensation, a privilege he had never before experienced, something he had wished for in silence, in the darkest recesses of himself. Something he got to experience every day.
It wasn't fair. Rukia should be his. Why not? He had known her first. He had been there for her from the beginning. Always by her side, always protecting her, watching out for her, putting her happiness before his own. It was only right. Before he knew what he was doing, Renji had wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her to him as tightly, yet as gently as he could manage, his face nuzzling her cheek, crimson locks of hair cascading and intertwining with her raven colored mane. He inhaled deeply, taking in the sweet smell of her, eyes closing for only and instant as the very feel of her intoxicated his senses, drove the manipulative feeling inside him over the edge. He exhaled deeply before speaking, grip tightening around her as he spilled forth the words his body, his mind didn't want him to say, "Rukia…I love you. I've always loved you. From the very beginning, I've never stopped…"
He was screaming inside his own head. It was as if he was watching what was happening from outside his own body, powerless to do anything about it, yet every moment wanting more and more of what he knew he couldn't have…of what he knew he shouldn't be doing. Releasing her from the hug, Renji turned her around, hands quickly replacing themselves around her waist as he leaned downward, mouth gently covering her own in a heated, yet heartfelt kiss. Her lips where soft and sweet and tasted of honey, her svelte form so perfectly matched against his own…They were perfect together. Perfect for each other.
But she's not yours.
Eyes snapping open, Renji pushed away from what he knew would be a stunned and possibly angry Rukia, his face hidden in his hands as he struggled with the silent war raging within him; a battle between desire, greed and what he knew was right. Just managing to pull away from the female shinigami had taken every ounce of his strength, drops of perspiration appearing on his forehead as he slumped towards the floor, knees firmly imbedded in the ground, a single hand on the wall to stabilize him as he struggled for control. "I'm…I'm..s.orry. Please, go."
She rolled her eyes at his name-calling, but turned around anyway and waited, eyes fixed on the scar that stretched across her skin. As much as she wanted it gone, she couldn't help but feel nervous. Not that Renji would try his hardest. No, she had no doubts at all in her mind regarding that. But...Rukia wasn't sure if even Renji's skill would be enough to take away the stain of her brush with death. As her mind followed his almost automatically, mentally tracing the spell herself as he spoke the words, she watched as the painful mark faded, soon vanishing completely. The smile that broke across her face was interrupted by a shudder as his fingers ghosted across her back.
"Renji, that tickles, stop-" Eyes widened and her voice failed her as she suddenly found herself pulled into his embrace, his face nuzzling her cheek. What...what was he doing?! Sure, she'd almost died, but still....this wasn't like Renji... The only thing she could do was stand there in stunned silence as his words caused the blood to freeze in her veins. Renji....loved her? Had...always loved her? Shock warred with shame as she realized how long it must have been, how many years she had been blissfully unaware while he suffered on in silence. And now...so many things made sense. Why he got so angry around Ichigo, why he still pushed her away like he did.
As she was contemplating what to say, what to do, all thought shattered in her head as Renji spun her around and kissed her. All the colour drained from her face and she froze, hands stone-still against his forearms where they'd been raised to push him off of her. No. This was...wrong. It wasn't supposed to be like this, wasn't supposed to be Renji who was kissing her.
But before she could do anything herself, something seemed to click and he was pushing her away, bracing himself against the wall and telling her to leave. Stunned into momentary silence, she simply stood there, trembling slightly, eyes wide and full of too many emotions to name. Swallowing past the lump in her throat, she opened her mouth as if to say something, then closed it and simply turned and fled, the door slamming behind her.