Log; Complete

[arsonphobic.livejournal.com]

When; March 5th, in the evening.
Rating; PG-13, because Mello can't do a day without swearing.
Characters; Mello [arsonphobic] and Near [white_justice].
Summary; Mello goes to drop off lego for Near, but they end up talking about how they feel on some subjects.
Log;

Mello: *walks up the steps to L's apartment, biting a piece of chocolate off the bar and knocking on the door*
Near: *was lying on the floor, as he has been doing lately, before he turns his attention to the door. Stands up and approaches slowly, checking who it is through the peephole* ...!! *his eyes open wide at the sight of the blonde*
Near: *hesitates for a moment, then finally opens the door. His eyes almost emotionless this time*
Mello: *arches and eyebrow and looks him over for a moment, taking another bite of chocolate before shoving the now empty wrapper into his pocket* ...Hi. *holds out a bucket of Lego towards him awkwardly*
Near: *stares at Mello for a quite long moment, as if in disbelief, then turns his attention to the bucket* ... ... *slowly moves his hands to take it, avoiding any direct touch with Mello's* Thank you...
Mello: It's nothing, you don't need to thank me. *pulls his hand back and stuffs his hands into his pockets, trying to find something to focus on other than Near* So what the hell did you need to say that you couldn't tell me over the journals?
Near: *steps back into the room, welcoming him to enter* It's dangerous if you stay outside...
Mello: *looks around and rolls his eyes, entering* Not a big deal. I'm already dead.
Near: But you still have a heart *closes the door once Mello is inside, locking it. Then turns to look at the blond boy* ... ... It's been a long time, Mello.
Mello: I know a lot of people back home that would disagree. *turns to look at him and shifts a bit, a little uneasy* Yeah. It has.
Near: *smiles inside at that, but keeps his emotionless expression. Finds himself observing the boy, noticing how pale he has become, as if someone had taken away all the fire he had inside* ... *after a moment, looks slightly away and starts twirling his hair* Perhaps you aren't a ghost anymore.
Mello: *sighs* I'm not a ghost at all; never was one. *reaches over and slowly brushes his fingers against Near's arm before pulling his hand away and returning it to his pocket* Ghosts can't do that, can they?
Near: *tenses a bit, but doesn't change his neutral expression* ... You were a ghost to me.
Near: *just remembers all those times he ate chocolate in that empty, empty room, saying nothing more about it*
Mello: *walks further into the room and looks around, realizing that his apartment looked a lot like the one he was sharing with Matt. Glances back over his shoulder and arches an eyebrow* Am I still a ghost?
Near: ...Honestly, I don't know *his voice toneless; his eyes follow the other boy, but other than that, he doesn't move from where he is*
Mello: Well why the hell not? *fully turns back to face him, trying his best not to flat out glare* You're a genius, you can figure it out! *scowls and tries to even his voice out again and not shout* What's going to convince you that I'm not? Because this whole... thing of being thought of as a ghost is unnerving.
Near: *avoiding Mello's gaze now, keeps twirling his hair* That's very understandable. I guess I just need to get used to the idea that your presence is now more than a mere memory floating around me...
Mello: Hnn. I see. *leans back against a wall and stares at the floor, narrowing his eyes a little* So what the hell did you need to tell me?
Near: ...I didn't need to tell you anything. It was you who decided to come here. *looks at the legos* Did you just come to give me those?
Mello: *scowls and still doesn't look at him* Maybe.
Near: ...I know that's a lie *doesn't look at him, either, but never removes his emotionless mask*
Mello: *glances over and sighs, crossing his arms* How the hell would you know if I'm lying or not? You're not even bothering to look at me.
Near: *ignores the last part, still avoiding his gaze* You always have a reason behind your actions, other than pure altruism. *pauses for a moment, then adds* I think you wanted to see me, after a long time.
Mello: *pushes himself away from the wall, going over and standing in front of him, tiling his head to the side* Is that what you think?
Near: *finally, meets his eyes, alert, even if his expression is still not giving much of it away* Yes, I believe so. I think you might have started to put your rivalry aside, for good or for bad.
Mello: *smirks and leans in closer to him* And how do you know I didn't just come here to get under your skin?
Near: *tenses, his eyes opening slightly more, showing an unknown emotion for a second before he returns to his self control* ...I doubt such a thing is possible.
Mello: *takes another step towards him and grins* Liar. You know that I could do it if I wanted to.
Near: ... ... *doing his best to remain emotionless, keeping his eyes glued to the other boy, like a sheep watching a wolf approaching* Then you're missing some details, Mello.
Mello: *reaches over and grabs one of his arms, leaning in to be eye-level with him* No, I don't think I am. In fact, I think I've noticed almost all of them.
Near: ...!! *taken off guard, tensing even more at the touch; clearly not used to be touched, even less by Mello* ...Enlighten me... *doing his best to keep his voice neutral, almost succeeding. Almost*
Mello: *grins* Think I just did by your reaction. *pulls his hand away and takes a step back*
Near: ... *looks slightly away again, starting to twirl his hair once more, a bit nervously. His eyes are back to his usually emotionless ones, though* ... Your touch is cold.
Mello: Hmm. That's not the wierdest part. *suddenly grabs Near's hand and holds it over his hear* No heartbeat. How's that for logic?
Near: ... ... *tenses again, but quickly relaxes into the touch this time. His hand tries to find Mello's pulse, failing* ... ... *raises his head to look into Mello's eyes* ...Your eyes didn't lose their fire, despite everything.
Mello: *looks away and releases his hand, backing up a setp again* Hnn. How would you know what I've lost or not?
Near: ...You said you knew me well. I believe it's the same for me *finds himself half relieved, half disappointed that Mello released his hand*
Mello: *shoves his hands into his pockets again, not bothering to look at Near yet* I doubt you know much of anything about me.
Near: I'd more say you don't want me to know much of anything about you *looking at him, now that Mello's eyes are looking somewhere else*
Mello: *narrows his eyes, practically glaring at the floor* I don't give a shit what you know, or think you know, about me.
Near: I think you do. *twirling his hair, studying the boy in front of him*
Mello: *looks over and stares into his eyes* It doesn't matter to me because you don't know anything about me. You think you do but you damn well don't.
Near: *stares back, satisfied to see the same anger, the same fire he saw some years ago. His lips twist into one of his mischievous smiles* Afraid that I might "get under your skin", Mello?
Mello: *glares and makes a frustrated sound, tightening his hands into fists inside his coat pockets to keep from shoving Near* Fuck off, Near. You don't know anything.
Near: If that's the case, I fail to see why you're strongly reacting to the situation. I know nothing, after all, so why should you give it any importance? *keeps his twisted smile, his eyes fixed to the other boy*
Mello: Because you're being infuriating and that smile makes you look like a damn sadist. Like you're enjoying this! *shifts his gaze to the wall* I really fucking hate you sometimes.
Near: That's very alright, Mello, I... *trails off and looks elsewhere, not smiling as much now*
Near: *suddenly* It's getting late.
Mello: *sighs* Near-- *takes a deep breath to calm down, and lowers his voice* It isn't alright. I don't-- *shifts a bit and clears his throat* I don't hate you. I just... you're difficult to react to. Half the time I have no idea wher you're thinking and it makes it hard to respond so I just get pissed off.
Near: I don't mind it... *pauses for a moment, still looking away from him* I don't mind it if you hate me. No, actually, I'm relieved you do.
Mello: I don't, though. I don't hate you. *looks back at him and frowns a bit* Why the hell would you be relieved about me hating you?
Near: ... ... *says nothing for a moment, before he looks at Mello sideways* I have several reasons for such a thing...
Mello: *sighs, running a hand through his hair and rubbing his eyes a little* Like what?
Near: It's easier that way, among other things...
Mello: *cocks an eyebrow* What's easier?
Near: Hating me. *adds, after a pause* And me doing as if I didn't care.
Near: Everything is just easier.
Mello: It isn't supposed to be easier. Nothing's made to be easy. *sighs* Shit's supposed to be hard, Near. You of all people should know that.
Near: Yes, but when it comes to emotional issues, avoiding them seems the most advisable option.
Near: *not telling the whole truth, actually*
Mello: *rolls his eyes* Ugh, you're such a liar. Avoiding emotional issues just makes them worse. Stop being such an idiot.
Near: Aren't you avoiding them, too?
Mello: Would you rather I didn't? Do you want me to just lay it all out? Because I'm pretty damn sure you'd just walk away and tell me to leave.
Near: Try me... *looks at him, directly now*
Mello: Why? So that you can just stand there like you are now and avoid all emotion and keep that damn stone-faced mask up? I'd rather not.
Near: Why does it bother you so much? *resumes twirling his hair*
Mello: I already told you why when you first got here. Because no one can possibly be happy while repressing their emotions like you do.
Near: I don't believe that my happiness is your main reason, Mello.
Mello: And if it is?
Near: ... ... *looks slightly annoyed now*
Near: Tell me something... If you don't hate me anymore, then how do you feel?
Mello: *sighs* Honestly?
Near: Yes, please.
Mello: I don't.. really know. But I don't hate you. Or dislike you. The only negative feeling I have is getting irritated with you over being such an ice-heart.
Near: So you're more indifferent toward me now *his voice and gaze carefully masked*
Mello: I didn't say that, did I? If I was indifferent, I wouldn't bother talking to you.
Near: ... ... *looks at the lights coming from the window, thoughtful* ... I see. To tell the truth... *trails off again, remaining silent instead*
Mello: *looks over at him and tilts his head a little* What?
Near: *remains thoughtful for another moment, his eyes still focusing on the lights* Mello, it's amazing how we fit...
Mello: Fit..? *looks towards the window to see if there was anything specific Near was watching, then turns back to look at him again*
Near: ...Haven't you noticed? *doesn't turn his head* We're like two pieces from the same puzzle.
*fumbles with his oversized pajamas this time*
Near: I think I always wanted to say this. But I'm not sure now.
Mello: *smiles a little, but it quickly fades as he leans back against the nearby wall* Hmm. You seem to be doing fine so far.
Near: ...Is that what you wanted to hear?
Near: Perhaps now you know why you came here, after all.
Mello: *narrows his eyes* Why, are you only saying it because you think that's what I want to hear? Or did you say it because you mean it?
Near: I meant it. This is merely an after-thought.
Near: *suddenly* Are you living with Matt?
Mello: *sighs* Yeah, I'm living with him. But I'm not-- *hesitates a little* We're not.. together or anything.
Near: Did I ask if you were? *looks at him*
Mello: No, but. *shrugs a little* I don't want people under the misconception that we are.
Near: The thought didn't cross my mind, Mello. *lying* I wonder why you should give importance to what I think about that matter.
Mello: It-- Nevermind. It doesn't matter.
Near: Why doesn't it? *his eyes questioning, studying him now*
Mello: If you didn't bother thinking about it, then the fact that we are or aren't together doesn't matter much.
Near: It mattered to you.
Mello: Only because I didn't want someone thinking the wrong thing about him and I.
Near: I never took you by one who cared about what other people thought; you must have another reason. *pauses* But don't worry, I won't inquire further about your "relationship".
Mello: *scowls* We don't have any sort of relationship.
Near: *shrugs and smiles slightly. Not a wicked smile this time, but a soft, genuine one*
Mello: *glances over and sighs* Near.. I. *lets his head fall back against the wall, staring at the ceiling* I don't hate you, and I'm not.. indifferent towards you.
Near: *his heart skips a beat and finds himself wondering why* ... Mind elaborating?
Mello: I don't know how. *sighs again* I don't know how I feel but-- I was really irritated when you first got here, just because it seemed like I couldn't go anywhere without you being there, too. But now it... *lowers his head slowly to look at him* I guess... I'm just glad you're here. There isn't anything to fight over or compete for and it-- It's better that way.
Near: ... ... ... *finds himself speechless for a moment. The thought of Mello really being a ghost coming from his own mind and desires is now crossing his mind* ... ... ... *after a moment, takes some steps toward the boy, not taking his eyes away from him*
Mello: *doesn't move, still watching him and staying silent, wondering what he's doing*
Near: *reaches for his hand when he's close enough, taking it, as if needing to be reassured by his physical presence* ... ...
Mello: *blinks, startled at the touch, but curls his fingers around his hand* ...hn. *leans back into the wall again, looking into his eyes, trying to find something to say*
Near: ... *lets go of Mello's hand, sooner than what he'd had liked* Mello, just promise me that you won't do anything risky in this world. I... don't want you to become a ghost again.
Mello: *sighs, closing his eyes* Doesn't matter, I'm already dead.
Near: ... *rephrases it* I don't want to lose you again.
Mello: *opens his eyes again and stares at him, not knowing what to say*
Near: *looks away, afraid that he has said too much already* Now... it's getting late for real.
Mello: *reaches for his wrist* I don't care if it is. You can't-- You can't say something like that and expect me to leave.
Near: *turns to look at him, not tensing this time. Welcoming the touch, even, for whatever twisted reason* ... What do you want me to do, then?
Mello: *slides his hand down and laces their fingers, simply watching him and not saying anything*
Near: ... *shivers a bit, lowering his gaze and tightening his fingers around Mello's, as if suddenly nothing else mattered, nothing else existed*