http://sparklingking.livejournal.com/ (
sparklingking.livejournal.com) wrote in
tampered2006-07-17 01:38 am
an unwavering beautiful thing;
When; Sunday afternoon.
Rating; G! Fluff may cause cavities, though. Or Tamaki's emotional way of being.
Characters; Tamaki {
sparklingking} and Haruhi {
tasters_choice}
Summary; Haruhi invites Tamaki out on a walk together, right after opposite day. A little awkward silence, a little serious!Tamaki, and a little vine metaphor. ♥
Log;
As soon as she invited Tamaki to come along with her on a walk, Haruhi immediately wondered if that wasn't the best idea she had ever had. There was still this odd tension between them, an awkwardness left over from the previous day, interlaced with something more, something that had been bothering her for quite some time. She couldn't understand it, and could usually ignore it, but not at times like this. Not when Tamaki wasn't being his usual idiotic self, with his flawless charm that he dished out for all and sundry. Not when he looked at her like that, with such a sense of vulnerability, of sincerity, that she couldn't look him directly in the eyes.
She sighed and plucked at an imaginary loose thread on her shirt, immediately having put on her bulkiest, most non-descript, asexual clothing in her closet as soon as she came back to her senses that day. It was like a shield against everything that was confusing her right now, which was pretty much everything. If she still had her glasses, she probably would have worn them too, if only for the extra barrier, to make her look even more commonplace than normal. The idea of being passed over by Tamaki was reassuring, but it gave her a painful wrench, her breath catching in her throat. Why did everything have to be so confusing?
Though, speaking of confusing, where was the root of all her confusion? She had been certain that Tamaki would have appeared by now, but perhaps he had changed his mind about coming along? After the day they had both had, perhaps he thought it would be better if they avoided each other for the time being. And maybe that was right, maybe it wasn't a good idea for them to be in each others' company so soon after all that had...almost happened. It was easier to forgive and to forget when you weren't in constant contact with the other person, after all.
Opposite Day, indeed. Tamaki had become wretched with a sense of guilt and shame that he couldn't recall ever feeling anything close to before in his lifetime. He was supposed to be a charming, silver-tongued princely figure of which the women swooned around; the opposite was clearly a more devious, lecherous figure. However, Tamaki was secretly happy his way of speaking didn't degrade to vulgarity and cursing, even if he was very, very angry and volatile.
But that was the past, regardless of how bad he felt about his actions. All he could do now was to try and redeem himself - especially to Haruhi. It had shocked him when she'd asked him to go for a walk with her so soon - he had assumed she'd want time away from him, to try and get over the potential mess they could have caused together, as well as the embarrassment.
Tamaki managed to find something a bit more plain for a simple walk outside. Warm, but comfortable. Perhaps they were going to the garden, as Tamaki had orginally suggested? The blonde let this thought cross his mind, and he began to panic slightly. Were they... going on a date? So soon?
It didn't seem unrealistic, to him. He had just indirectly confessed, but not in a clear, concise way like he wished he could. Perhaps.... he could while they were out? His heart about exploded at the thought.
"Ah... Haru...hi," Tamaki stammered slightly, as he approached the rather dressed-down figure, "Is there any place in particular you were planning to go?"
Looking up and seeing Tamaki standing there, looking just as nervous and unsure as she herself felt gave Haruhi an extra burst of courage. If Tamaki looked like this, she could deal with it; if he wasn't putting on airs trying to act like he was in control and that what had happened - or almost happened - the day before didn't matter, then she could handle it. She laughed then, a soft sound, born out of both amusement and nervousness and the sheer riduclousness of their situation.
Once her laughter died down, she offered Tamaki a small smile, a peace offering, a wordless promise for the both of them to put what had occurred the day before behind them. "Ah, I hadn't really thought about it. Anywhere that's not near the still-smoking pile of rubble is probably for the best."
"We can just do a loop around the city and come back. That wouldn't take more than twenty minutes," Tamaki gave a gentle smile, as the pair of them walked away from the entrance of their apartment building. The remains of the seventh building, the smoldering rubble left as an example of the evil deity's rage, could be seen from a far distance. They'd avoid that area completely.
Although, the direction they began walking in led to the fountain. Tamaki wasn't aware of it at first, as he and Haruhi walked at a slow, casual pace, side by side in a companionable silence. He'd avoiding looking into its waters thus far, as seeing his memories and past would be too painful. He wanted to go back so badly. He and the host club practically needed to, or they'd have a hard time surviving here.
"Uhm..." Tamaki tried to start some sort of conversation, but the whole scenario they were currently in was awkward. "I... I'm happy that you're okay with being alone with me, after what just happened and all. I guess that means you trust me. Or..." Tamaki swallowed, "did what I said make you want to talk to me alone?"
"Sounds good to me." Walking along at a slow amble, Haruhi took the time to take in her surroundings in detail, something she hadn't bothered to do in the months they had been there. Had it really been months already? It was so odd to realize such a thing. It both seemed like no time and an eternity had passed. Sometimes it was hard to quite remember what it was like to go to school, go to club activities, and the like, when more pressing issues like the end of the world hovered over your head.
Blinking in surprise at Tamaki's sudden question, Haruhi had to think about it. Why did she ask him to come with her on this walk? When he had nearly confessed to her - and she knew it for what it was, as she had received quite a few herself from both boys before she entered Ouran, as well as a few girls since joining the Host Club - her first thought was to run away, to get as far away from him and from what he was trying to say to her. But then, before she realized it, the words were there, inviting him along.
"I suppose," she started, her words slow and careful, "we do need to talk. Yesterday...it wasn't you. You're too honest for me to not trust you, not when the city isn't making us act strangely." And it was true, she did trust Tamaki. Despite everything, he was honest to a fault, and would never do anything that would put her or any of the other club members in harm's way. It was one of the things about Tamaki's personality that endeared him to them all - that, and his puppy eyes. They really were quite hard to resist.
The city did have a fair bit of beauty to it, when you slowed down and simply looked. The carousel, even though everyone now knew why it existed, too, was beautiful in a way that Tamaki couldn't put a finger on. If the place wasn't a limbo for everyone to wait in while the clock kept turning, and wasn't under the rule of the dual deities, the city without a name would be a lovely place to live.
"It still felt nice to hear you say you..." Tamaki paused, as he felt that familiar wave of nervousness come back, before he pushed it back down. He couldn't let this natural reaction get in his way anymore - it was annoying. If he could speak of love and romance in the most extravagant and over-dramatic way possible to random girls who came to the host club, he could speak on the same topics normally to Haruhi. He had to.
"It felt nice to hear you say you loved me. I think what really hurts is that, if that was the opposite, does it mean you don't like me at all? If you think about it." Tamaki paused, turning to look at Haruhi before he continued.
"You know how I am, Haruhi. I don't really have to say my feelings to you - or anyone else, really - because I'm so obvious with them. But..."
An awkward silence filled the air between them, as Tamaki seemed to be stuck. He couldn't verbally say the words - many a time, he'd openly stated his feelings in indirect ways, but when it came to stating them bluntly to the girl he liked, he couldn't do it.
Yes. Now they were finally breaching what they had been sidestepping the entire day after realizing what had happened with the personality-switching of the prior day. It had made the two of them parodies of their normal selves, making them act completely in ways that were foreign to their normal ways, their normal speech and thought patterns.
But did that mean that there wasn't grains of truth hidden within the duality? Bits of honesty wrapped up in a pretty - or depending on the case, not so pretty - package, for them to do whatever they so wish with. Acceptance or avoidance, the choice lay before them. She could accept the tiny bits of truth she knew lay embedded within the events of the previous day, or she could avoid it, like she had been avoiding it. It was easier for her to accept excuses about her not belonging in the world that the other members of the Host Club occupied when they weren't all on equal footing, trapped in this city that they may never find an escape from.
"I don't hate you, Tamaki-senpai, or dislike you, or anything like that. You...grow on people. Like a clinging vine," she digressed, mostly to herself, though she looked at him with a wry grin.
But when he once again avoided the issue, Haruhi couldn't help but feel herself get annoyed, her fists clenching and unclenching. "Really. I rather think it looks like rain."
"It's better when the night air is clear, though. Rain isn't very nice to walk in," Tamaki laughed, although it was clearly forced and unconvincing.
The awkward silence stretched on, and Tamaki began to internally panic. Had he made Haruhi angry with him by skipping over the topic yet again? Apparently, judging by the general feeling between them, he'd screwed up the conversation entirely. Now how would he redeem himself.
"A clinging vine? At least it's not something unpleasant, like a fungus or parasite," he tried to bring the conversation back around again, after a few painful minutes, "But, uhm… Haruhi…"
He tried to keep his face from growing red, as he could feel that familiar warmth rush into his cheeks, giving his face that flushed look. Tamaki looked away from Haruhi, towards the ground, as he tried to form proper words in his head. "If… I… my vine…" You're making an idiot of yourself, stop it, Tamaki mentally kicked himself before forcing something out.
"Does Haruhi like my vine?"
"Rain is cleansing, it washes away the dirt and leaves everything clean once more," Haruhi returned, currently studying the architecture of the buildings rather intently.
Tamaki seemed to be struggling, and Haruhi was nearly ready to give in to him, and just pretend like he hadn't been about to say something more, something substantial and honest for once, rather than his overblown romantic drivel, but then his last words had her frozen, staring blankly. "Do I like...your...vine?" After the previous day, it had her thinking of things that normally wouldn't occur to her, not without Hikaru and Kaoru's teasing about Tamaki's so-called perversions.
"It's suffocating," were the words that immediately tripped from her lips, without thought. She winced, as that sounded much more harsh than she had intended. "What I mean to say is, a clinging vine can end up killing what it tries to hold on to. A looser grip is better, so both can blossom." Great, now she was talking in metaphor. Soon enough she'd be giving flowery speeches about nonsense, just like him.
"Does that mean I'm trying too hard?"
Tamaki had stopped walking, looking straight into Haruhi's eyes. To hear her be very honest with him was an important step in securing a relationship – it told him what she wanted, and therefore what he had to do.
"Haruhi, you know that I want to make you happy, so if you're telling me that I smother you too much, I'll try to back off." It was rare for Tamaki to show a shred of seriousness or, well, a moment where he wasn't spazzing about something, and this was one of those one in a million times.
And for once, Tamaki hit the nail on the head, right on the first try. It wasn't that Tamaki's flair for the dramatic was annoying so much as it was overwhelming. But even despite how overblown his reactions could be, they were his honest feelings. Sometimes Haruhi wondered if it was tiring for Tamaki, to feel everything so intensely like that, to have such huge reactions to everything.
"Well, maybe...but it's not that bad, really. It's just part of who you are. It'd be strange for you to act any other way, Tamaki-senpai." And it was true. She wasn't sure what she would think if he changed how he acted. He was so guileless, so sincere, that the idea of him holding himself back like that just seemed wrong.
"So, me just being me is too much for you."
Tamaki wasn't making the puppy face, although at first it seemed like it. His expression changed from a look of sincere curiosity to something close to his infamous puppy-dog face, then slid further down the sadness scale. He looked rather pathetic, staring down at the ground with a blank expression.
"I… understand. I tried really hard, but in the end, I'm just not your type. No matter how much I like you, I guess that doesn't change anything," his gaze rose from the spot on the ground at which he was staring, to meet Haruhi's eyes. "Right?"
If Haruhi had ever wondered what it felt like to kick a puppy, she now knew. "Tamaki-senpai..."
This wasn't what she had intended on happening when they had set out on this walk - honestly, she wasn't sure what she had intended, but this certainly wasn't it. Not to have Tamaki looking at her with such dejection, entwined with acceptance, as if he had known all along that it could only ever be that way.
"Don't talk nonsense, senpai. You shouldn't make assumptions about the way I think or feel, since you tend to be wrong most of the time." She wasn't good at these things, really. Her experience was with turning down confessions, not accepting them. "I...well, I don't think I have a 'type', not like the Host Club describes at least. But I know what I like." She offered Tamaki a small smile, allowing that to speak for her, her hand reaching out to grab Tamaki's, their fingers lacing together. "Come on, I want to see the rest of the city. Let's go."
Haruhi is- Haruhi is- Haruhi…! Tamaki tensed a little before relaxing, trying to calm himself down. After all, being too overdramatic wore Haruhi out, so he'd have to suppress an outburst of happiness. She was actually holding his hand! Tamaki felt instantly better.
"Uuuuuunnnnnn~ Anywhere you want to go, Haruhi~" his voice practically squeaked, as Tamaki followed along with the host club's only female member. Maybe Haruhi really did like his vine.
Rating; G! Fluff may cause cavities, though. Or Tamaki's emotional way of being.
Characters; Tamaki {
Summary; Haruhi invites Tamaki out on a walk together, right after opposite day. A little awkward silence, a little serious!Tamaki, and a little vine metaphor. ♥
Log;
As soon as she invited Tamaki to come along with her on a walk, Haruhi immediately wondered if that wasn't the best idea she had ever had. There was still this odd tension between them, an awkwardness left over from the previous day, interlaced with something more, something that had been bothering her for quite some time. She couldn't understand it, and could usually ignore it, but not at times like this. Not when Tamaki wasn't being his usual idiotic self, with his flawless charm that he dished out for all and sundry. Not when he looked at her like that, with such a sense of vulnerability, of sincerity, that she couldn't look him directly in the eyes.
She sighed and plucked at an imaginary loose thread on her shirt, immediately having put on her bulkiest, most non-descript, asexual clothing in her closet as soon as she came back to her senses that day. It was like a shield against everything that was confusing her right now, which was pretty much everything. If she still had her glasses, she probably would have worn them too, if only for the extra barrier, to make her look even more commonplace than normal. The idea of being passed over by Tamaki was reassuring, but it gave her a painful wrench, her breath catching in her throat. Why did everything have to be so confusing?
Though, speaking of confusing, where was the root of all her confusion? She had been certain that Tamaki would have appeared by now, but perhaps he had changed his mind about coming along? After the day they had both had, perhaps he thought it would be better if they avoided each other for the time being. And maybe that was right, maybe it wasn't a good idea for them to be in each others' company so soon after all that had...almost happened. It was easier to forgive and to forget when you weren't in constant contact with the other person, after all.
Opposite Day, indeed. Tamaki had become wretched with a sense of guilt and shame that he couldn't recall ever feeling anything close to before in his lifetime. He was supposed to be a charming, silver-tongued princely figure of which the women swooned around; the opposite was clearly a more devious, lecherous figure. However, Tamaki was secretly happy his way of speaking didn't degrade to vulgarity and cursing, even if he was very, very angry and volatile.
But that was the past, regardless of how bad he felt about his actions. All he could do now was to try and redeem himself - especially to Haruhi. It had shocked him when she'd asked him to go for a walk with her so soon - he had assumed she'd want time away from him, to try and get over the potential mess they could have caused together, as well as the embarrassment.
Tamaki managed to find something a bit more plain for a simple walk outside. Warm, but comfortable. Perhaps they were going to the garden, as Tamaki had orginally suggested? The blonde let this thought cross his mind, and he began to panic slightly. Were they... going on a date? So soon?
It didn't seem unrealistic, to him. He had just indirectly confessed, but not in a clear, concise way like he wished he could. Perhaps.... he could while they were out? His heart about exploded at the thought.
"Ah... Haru...hi," Tamaki stammered slightly, as he approached the rather dressed-down figure, "Is there any place in particular you were planning to go?"
Looking up and seeing Tamaki standing there, looking just as nervous and unsure as she herself felt gave Haruhi an extra burst of courage. If Tamaki looked like this, she could deal with it; if he wasn't putting on airs trying to act like he was in control and that what had happened - or almost happened - the day before didn't matter, then she could handle it. She laughed then, a soft sound, born out of both amusement and nervousness and the sheer riduclousness of their situation.
Once her laughter died down, she offered Tamaki a small smile, a peace offering, a wordless promise for the both of them to put what had occurred the day before behind them. "Ah, I hadn't really thought about it. Anywhere that's not near the still-smoking pile of rubble is probably for the best."
"We can just do a loop around the city and come back. That wouldn't take more than twenty minutes," Tamaki gave a gentle smile, as the pair of them walked away from the entrance of their apartment building. The remains of the seventh building, the smoldering rubble left as an example of the evil deity's rage, could be seen from a far distance. They'd avoid that area completely.
Although, the direction they began walking in led to the fountain. Tamaki wasn't aware of it at first, as he and Haruhi walked at a slow, casual pace, side by side in a companionable silence. He'd avoiding looking into its waters thus far, as seeing his memories and past would be too painful. He wanted to go back so badly. He and the host club practically needed to, or they'd have a hard time surviving here.
"Uhm..." Tamaki tried to start some sort of conversation, but the whole scenario they were currently in was awkward. "I... I'm happy that you're okay with being alone with me, after what just happened and all. I guess that means you trust me. Or..." Tamaki swallowed, "did what I said make you want to talk to me alone?"
"Sounds good to me." Walking along at a slow amble, Haruhi took the time to take in her surroundings in detail, something she hadn't bothered to do in the months they had been there. Had it really been months already? It was so odd to realize such a thing. It both seemed like no time and an eternity had passed. Sometimes it was hard to quite remember what it was like to go to school, go to club activities, and the like, when more pressing issues like the end of the world hovered over your head.
Blinking in surprise at Tamaki's sudden question, Haruhi had to think about it. Why did she ask him to come with her on this walk? When he had nearly confessed to her - and she knew it for what it was, as she had received quite a few herself from both boys before she entered Ouran, as well as a few girls since joining the Host Club - her first thought was to run away, to get as far away from him and from what he was trying to say to her. But then, before she realized it, the words were there, inviting him along.
"I suppose," she started, her words slow and careful, "we do need to talk. Yesterday...it wasn't you. You're too honest for me to not trust you, not when the city isn't making us act strangely." And it was true, she did trust Tamaki. Despite everything, he was honest to a fault, and would never do anything that would put her or any of the other club members in harm's way. It was one of the things about Tamaki's personality that endeared him to them all - that, and his puppy eyes. They really were quite hard to resist.
The city did have a fair bit of beauty to it, when you slowed down and simply looked. The carousel, even though everyone now knew why it existed, too, was beautiful in a way that Tamaki couldn't put a finger on. If the place wasn't a limbo for everyone to wait in while the clock kept turning, and wasn't under the rule of the dual deities, the city without a name would be a lovely place to live.
"It still felt nice to hear you say you..." Tamaki paused, as he felt that familiar wave of nervousness come back, before he pushed it back down. He couldn't let this natural reaction get in his way anymore - it was annoying. If he could speak of love and romance in the most extravagant and over-dramatic way possible to random girls who came to the host club, he could speak on the same topics normally to Haruhi. He had to.
"It felt nice to hear you say you loved me. I think what really hurts is that, if that was the opposite, does it mean you don't like me at all? If you think about it." Tamaki paused, turning to look at Haruhi before he continued.
"You know how I am, Haruhi. I don't really have to say my feelings to you - or anyone else, really - because I'm so obvious with them. But..."
An awkward silence filled the air between them, as Tamaki seemed to be stuck. He couldn't verbally say the words - many a time, he'd openly stated his feelings in indirect ways, but when it came to stating them bluntly to the girl he liked, he couldn't do it.
Yes. Now they were finally breaching what they had been sidestepping the entire day after realizing what had happened with the personality-switching of the prior day. It had made the two of them parodies of their normal selves, making them act completely in ways that were foreign to their normal ways, their normal speech and thought patterns.
But did that mean that there wasn't grains of truth hidden within the duality? Bits of honesty wrapped up in a pretty - or depending on the case, not so pretty - package, for them to do whatever they so wish with. Acceptance or avoidance, the choice lay before them. She could accept the tiny bits of truth she knew lay embedded within the events of the previous day, or she could avoid it, like she had been avoiding it. It was easier for her to accept excuses about her not belonging in the world that the other members of the Host Club occupied when they weren't all on equal footing, trapped in this city that they may never find an escape from.
"I don't hate you, Tamaki-senpai, or dislike you, or anything like that. You...grow on people. Like a clinging vine," she digressed, mostly to herself, though she looked at him with a wry grin.
But when he once again avoided the issue, Haruhi couldn't help but feel herself get annoyed, her fists clenching and unclenching. "Really. I rather think it looks like rain."
"It's better when the night air is clear, though. Rain isn't very nice to walk in," Tamaki laughed, although it was clearly forced and unconvincing.
The awkward silence stretched on, and Tamaki began to internally panic. Had he made Haruhi angry with him by skipping over the topic yet again? Apparently, judging by the general feeling between them, he'd screwed up the conversation entirely. Now how would he redeem himself.
"A clinging vine? At least it's not something unpleasant, like a fungus or parasite," he tried to bring the conversation back around again, after a few painful minutes, "But, uhm… Haruhi…"
He tried to keep his face from growing red, as he could feel that familiar warmth rush into his cheeks, giving his face that flushed look. Tamaki looked away from Haruhi, towards the ground, as he tried to form proper words in his head. "If… I… my vine…" You're making an idiot of yourself, stop it, Tamaki mentally kicked himself before forcing something out.
"Does Haruhi like my vine?"
"Rain is cleansing, it washes away the dirt and leaves everything clean once more," Haruhi returned, currently studying the architecture of the buildings rather intently.
Tamaki seemed to be struggling, and Haruhi was nearly ready to give in to him, and just pretend like he hadn't been about to say something more, something substantial and honest for once, rather than his overblown romantic drivel, but then his last words had her frozen, staring blankly. "Do I like...your...vine?" After the previous day, it had her thinking of things that normally wouldn't occur to her, not without Hikaru and Kaoru's teasing about Tamaki's so-called perversions.
"It's suffocating," were the words that immediately tripped from her lips, without thought. She winced, as that sounded much more harsh than she had intended. "What I mean to say is, a clinging vine can end up killing what it tries to hold on to. A looser grip is better, so both can blossom." Great, now she was talking in metaphor. Soon enough she'd be giving flowery speeches about nonsense, just like him.
"Does that mean I'm trying too hard?"
Tamaki had stopped walking, looking straight into Haruhi's eyes. To hear her be very honest with him was an important step in securing a relationship – it told him what she wanted, and therefore what he had to do.
"Haruhi, you know that I want to make you happy, so if you're telling me that I smother you too much, I'll try to back off." It was rare for Tamaki to show a shred of seriousness or, well, a moment where he wasn't spazzing about something, and this was one of those one in a million times.
And for once, Tamaki hit the nail on the head, right on the first try. It wasn't that Tamaki's flair for the dramatic was annoying so much as it was overwhelming. But even despite how overblown his reactions could be, they were his honest feelings. Sometimes Haruhi wondered if it was tiring for Tamaki, to feel everything so intensely like that, to have such huge reactions to everything.
"Well, maybe...but it's not that bad, really. It's just part of who you are. It'd be strange for you to act any other way, Tamaki-senpai." And it was true. She wasn't sure what she would think if he changed how he acted. He was so guileless, so sincere, that the idea of him holding himself back like that just seemed wrong.
"So, me just being me is too much for you."
Tamaki wasn't making the puppy face, although at first it seemed like it. His expression changed from a look of sincere curiosity to something close to his infamous puppy-dog face, then slid further down the sadness scale. He looked rather pathetic, staring down at the ground with a blank expression.
"I… understand. I tried really hard, but in the end, I'm just not your type. No matter how much I like you, I guess that doesn't change anything," his gaze rose from the spot on the ground at which he was staring, to meet Haruhi's eyes. "Right?"
If Haruhi had ever wondered what it felt like to kick a puppy, she now knew. "Tamaki-senpai..."
This wasn't what she had intended on happening when they had set out on this walk - honestly, she wasn't sure what she had intended, but this certainly wasn't it. Not to have Tamaki looking at her with such dejection, entwined with acceptance, as if he had known all along that it could only ever be that way.
"Don't talk nonsense, senpai. You shouldn't make assumptions about the way I think or feel, since you tend to be wrong most of the time." She wasn't good at these things, really. Her experience was with turning down confessions, not accepting them. "I...well, I don't think I have a 'type', not like the Host Club describes at least. But I know what I like." She offered Tamaki a small smile, allowing that to speak for her, her hand reaching out to grab Tamaki's, their fingers lacing together. "Come on, I want to see the rest of the city. Let's go."
Haruhi is- Haruhi is- Haruhi…! Tamaki tensed a little before relaxing, trying to calm himself down. After all, being too overdramatic wore Haruhi out, so he'd have to suppress an outburst of happiness. She was actually holding his hand! Tamaki felt instantly better.
"Uuuuuunnnnnn~ Anywhere you want to go, Haruhi~" his voice practically squeaked, as Tamaki followed along with the host club's only female member. Maybe Haruhi really did like his vine.

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