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tampered2007-07-15 05:23 pm
mizrahigirl.livejournal.com) wrote in tampered2007-07-15 05:23 pm
Log; Complete
When; July 15th
Rating; G
Characters; Sakura Mizrahi [![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mizrahigirl] & Rubedo/Gaignun Kukai Jr. [red_dragon_666]
Summary; After being hit by the Stupid Cupid curse the day before, Sakura goes to check up on Rubedo to make sure he's okay.
Log;
There really wasn't anything to be said to Elena the morning after. Their anniversary had been trashed thanks to the curse, but it was just another month. There were bigger things to worry about. He was pretty sure he didn't even want to hear how her day had gone.
Sakura, though... Why did it have to be Sakura? Anybody else would have been safe...because then the feelings would have been fake. But these hadn't been false... They had only been rekindled for a day.
And what about her? What was Sakura thinking? The day prior, he had made promises of everlasting devotion... He'd been living in the past, and then today, it was like he'd been thrown back into the present--back into his real body.
Resting his elbows on his knees, Rubedo hung his head, staring at the harmonica in his hands like he expected it to give him all the answers. He'd been sitting on this bench for at least two hours now, but it was hard to pay attention to the flow of time when you were stuck in the past.
Sakura had woken up that morning as though she'd come from a dream. And it had been- that was the only way to describe the day before. It had been like all the other visits, back when she'd been at home, and Rubedo had come visiting into her subconcious.
But her first though was not about how wonderful the prior day had been, not about how she wished things could go back to those days- they'd been so much simpler then- but rather, a voiceless feeling of sadness and concern.
And an urge to find the boy she'd spent countless evenings with- the boy who she'd spent the day before with. Was he okay? He had Elena waiting for him. Sakura knew they cared for each other terribly; it had been wrong of her to come between them yesterday. But still- it had been a curse- she couldn't have helped it- but she still felt like she should make sure he was doing okay.
She'd wandered slowly around the Durandal for a while before spotting him in the gardens. She should have thought to check there first. Stopping in the doorway, she called out to him.
"Rubedo?"
He figured he'd been imagining the voice at first, considering what he was thinking about, but then he realized the presence wasn't going away, and he straightened up to look over his shoulder. Eyes wide, the harmonica was stuffed into his jacket pocket.
"Sakura! H-hey..."
Standing up, Rubedo turned to face her, offering a sheepish grin while rubbing at the back of his head. "How are you?"
Rubedo's surprise and sheepishness were what she had expected. The awkwardness- they'd had a day of how things might have been and could never be, she'd had to expect this.
She hadn't moved from the doorway, staying out of the way, to one side, unthreatening and not blocking the door if he wanted to leave, but she looked straight at him for a moment before looking down at the ground.
"I wanted to make sure...that you were alright." Her voice was quiet as always, gentle as always, and laced with concern.
That was just like her...to worry about him first. And all he could do was worry about her. They really were quite the pair.
"I...could be worse," he answered as honestly as he could, walking over to her. It was only too easy to notice the way she was standing... Did she think he didn't want to see her or something.
After standing there observing her for a moment, Rubedo held out one hand for her to take.
At least he was being honest, not saying he was fine, and changing the subject.
But still. He stood there, not saying anything, and it was a few seconds before she realized he'd held out his hand, and another few seconds before she realized what he wanted her to do with it. Take it. Like they'd done the day before.
She lifted her hand to take his, but stopped before touching him. Eyebrows pulled together in worry, she shouldn't feel so bad about the curse, but still-
"Rubedo, I'm sorry..." And the apology she managed to get out covered so many things; the curse, how awkward he must be feeling, the fact that it had to have been her that curse day, how much she'd enjoyed it, how she knew he had someone waiting for him, everything.
Her apology made him smile, sadness evident in his blue gaze, and he closed the distance to grab her hand and yank her close. Immediately, she was wrapped in an embrace, his eyes sliding shut as he gripped her tightly.
"Sakura... I should be the one apologizing. I never let go." He nuzzled against her hair affectionately, his voice softer as he repeated himself. "I never let go."
Sakura's eyes sprang wide open in surprise at the sudden hug.
Yesterday had been the curse; but she was just as happy at that moment,. Sakura had to shut her eyes on the beginnings of tears, and brought her arms up around the boy-not-boy in front of her to return the embrace.
"Don't apologize, Rubedo... You've been through so much more than I ever have." It was comforting to have him so close, and to know they were both uncursed.
There was nothing to say to that. Was he supposed to insist that no, he really hadn't been through all that much? Was he supposed to tell her she didn't know the half of it? Neither answer sounded right, and so he said nothing.
She was far too wise for her age, and so he knew that while she might have been able to handle some of the things on his mind...she didn't deserve the burden. Wisdom was a good enough gift, but the last thing he wanted to do was jade her.
And so, all he could do was stand there and hold her, not saying a word.
He'd fallen silent again, but he'd not moved away. Sakura had opened her eyes, staring at the ground. She turned her head slightly towards him, trying to figure out how to say what she wanted to see.
"Rubedo... I know you told me that...that you were working on a way to bring me back to life..." She paused- this wasn't really getting at it right. "What I mean is... if you've got something on your mind...you can tell me. ...You must have been working on that for a long time, without telling anyone. ...You could have told me...if it would have let you be less stressed." All that slightly incoherent talk finished, she fell silent for a moment.
"I don't like to see you sad, is all, Rubedo."
He sighed. It was easy to not tell her things, but when she asked...he couldn't just ignore her. She wanted to know the truth, didn't she? Was he supposed to keep it from her?
It probably wasn't good for her to know, but he was worried she might be more upset about him keeping secrets upon secrets. He was already keeping enough to fill a solar system.
"It's not that, just..." Moving his hands to lightly rest on her shoulders, Rubedo took a step back to get a good look at her face. "I was going to try to return your life to you the same way we returned Elena's life...but it's not a method I can use a lot. If I want to stay alive, I'm pretty sure I only have one more go in me. It seemed pretty simple...until Gaignun showed up."
His gaze drifted down to the ground, then, and he dropped his eyes. "Nigredo's not alive anymore, Sakura. He died."
"Oh. No wonder you seemed stressed when he got here." Sakura looked down at the ground. "It must be hard...having your brothers change as much as they did."
"You shouldn't have to take everything on yourself, Rubedo." The brunette glanced back up at his face, eyes serious. "...I wish I could be of more help to you."
How often had she really been able to help him? It was always him helping her, coming to her rescue, trying to fix her disease, always he was there. How much had it cost him to be there always for her? Sakura took care to turn her face away, looking down and sideways, hair brushing her chin, so he couldn't see her eyes welling up again. ...She'd cried the first time she'd met him too. How weak she must seem.
Seeing her look that way was heart breaking. "S-Sakura, don't..."
What was he supposed to do? He was so fucking lost. This wasn't a problem people normally had to deal with... But his life had never been normal, and neither had Sakura's.
Reaching back up, he pressed his hand to her cheek to draw her face back up, and his fingers brushed underneath her eyes gently, as if he was afraid he just might break her. "You do help...just by being you. You know how glad I am, getting to see you again? It almost makes me want to stay here for good, just so I can watch you talk with other people and make friends and be happy. I wasn't able to help you...before. I wasn't able to cure you. But in a way, this place is almost a cure, even if your parents aren't here."
The only major problem was the damn curses, and he was just waiting for the day that a curse would come along and damage her beyond repair.
Rubedo's touch- words- kindness- allowed her to pull forth a smile from somewhere. It was wry, resigned, but it was there.
And it was true- the things he said. She could talk here. She had been able to meet people, talk to, have conversations with, more than three people.
"I- I'm glad I'm a help to you." Even if it was by her presence. "But...I don't want to hold you here. Don't you always say you have something to do at home?"
But her parents had tried so hard for her. She'd wanted badly to be able to tell them, even once, by her own voice, that she loved them. " I miss them...but I don't know if I'd wish for them to be here either." Memories of horrible curses, ones where she'd had Rubedo knock her out rather than deal with them for the whole time, swam to the surface. Sakura tried to dispel them with a shake of her head.
"...Yeah. I do. And that's why I can't stay... But the City doesn't give me much choice. I don't really get to choose when I come or go. And so...I like to treasure my time with you here."
Dropping his hands, he stuffed them into his jacket pockets and turned to eye a nearby fountain. "I want to bring you back with me... I want to give you a second chance, even if it seems unnatural, but..."
But he also wanted to bring Gaignun back. What was he supposed to do?
"...I never asked what you wanted, Sakura."
She'd been fortunate to arrive when he had already been here. It was something she'd come to realize. The thought of arriving, lost, in someplace she didn't know, was horrible to her. "...I treasure all the time I've had here." The unspoken "with you" added on in her mind- the weeks he'd been gone hadn't been very good.
Sakura looked at Rubedo's back. Bring her back? If she was returned to the living...was it even possible? She hadn't thought further than being able to feel the piano keys cool under her fingers again, and having a heartbeat that could thump painfully in moments like this.
What she wanted...Ah, why did such a simple question have such a hard answer? She wanted to tell her parents she loved them. But her father was dead- she'd never be able to tell him. She had wanted to meet her sister- thanks to the City, she'd been able to. She wanted...to never be stuck in her own subconcious, wanted to be able to talk to people. She wanted to rewind time, go back to when things were simple.
She was silent for a while before answering very quietly. "I want...things that I can't have." The girl took a few steps to make it to a bench, sitting down and closing her eyes. "I am happy if you are, Rubedo."
...Things she couldn't have. That was probably the case. If he did manage to return her life to her, would she be able to return to their world? Where would she return to, anyway? There was a whole star cluster to pick and choose from.
And say he did find her there... Would she be able to talk like she could now, or would she just go back to how she had been before? If he thought about it logically, then she ought to be cured. There was no longer a UMN, and U-DO wasn't an immediate threat. So then...?
He shut his eyes, head hurting, but still he looked like he was listening to something that nobody else could hear. When he opened them again, he could see the ocean just outside of the window covering the entire wall. The sun was high, reflecting off water that seemed to on forever... And he knew it didn't go anywhere.
"There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other." Once again, one of his old books had helped him out, and he offered a grin over his shoulder. "Don't worry. I'll figure something out. All you need to do, Sakura, is to keep on going."
The quote could have been taken for Rubedo's mantra. Sakura stood up again, walked over to where he stood. Almost took his hand. It only manifested as a twitch of her right arm, before she decided to merely stand near him.
She smiled up at him. He was only barely taller than she. "I'll do the best I can."
"Good," he murmured warmly in response, reaching out to wrap his arms around her shoulders loosely. He looked the same age as her, perhaps, but he had lived for almost three decades, and it reflected in his actions, both reserved and open.
His love for her was no longer something awkward and new... He had loved her since meeting her, and that had been sixteen years ago. The love was different than how he felt for Elena, but it was strong nonetheless, and he hadn't been lying when he said that he had never let go. And until she pulled away, he never would.
"That's all anyone can be ever expected to do. Their best."
Rating; G
Characters; Sakura Mizrahi [
mizrahigirl] & Rubedo/Gaignun Kukai Jr. [red_dragon_666]Summary; After being hit by the Stupid Cupid curse the day before, Sakura goes to check up on Rubedo to make sure he's okay.
Log;
There really wasn't anything to be said to Elena the morning after. Their anniversary had been trashed thanks to the curse, but it was just another month. There were bigger things to worry about. He was pretty sure he didn't even want to hear how her day had gone.
Sakura, though... Why did it have to be Sakura? Anybody else would have been safe...because then the feelings would have been fake. But these hadn't been false... They had only been rekindled for a day.
And what about her? What was Sakura thinking? The day prior, he had made promises of everlasting devotion... He'd been living in the past, and then today, it was like he'd been thrown back into the present--back into his real body.
Resting his elbows on his knees, Rubedo hung his head, staring at the harmonica in his hands like he expected it to give him all the answers. He'd been sitting on this bench for at least two hours now, but it was hard to pay attention to the flow of time when you were stuck in the past.
Sakura had woken up that morning as though she'd come from a dream. And it had been- that was the only way to describe the day before. It had been like all the other visits, back when she'd been at home, and Rubedo had come visiting into her subconcious.
But her first though was not about how wonderful the prior day had been, not about how she wished things could go back to those days- they'd been so much simpler then- but rather, a voiceless feeling of sadness and concern.
And an urge to find the boy she'd spent countless evenings with- the boy who she'd spent the day before with. Was he okay? He had Elena waiting for him. Sakura knew they cared for each other terribly; it had been wrong of her to come between them yesterday. But still- it had been a curse- she couldn't have helped it- but she still felt like she should make sure he was doing okay.
She'd wandered slowly around the Durandal for a while before spotting him in the gardens. She should have thought to check there first. Stopping in the doorway, she called out to him.
"Rubedo?"
He figured he'd been imagining the voice at first, considering what he was thinking about, but then he realized the presence wasn't going away, and he straightened up to look over his shoulder. Eyes wide, the harmonica was stuffed into his jacket pocket.
"Sakura! H-hey..."
Standing up, Rubedo turned to face her, offering a sheepish grin while rubbing at the back of his head. "How are you?"
Rubedo's surprise and sheepishness were what she had expected. The awkwardness- they'd had a day of how things might have been and could never be, she'd had to expect this.
She hadn't moved from the doorway, staying out of the way, to one side, unthreatening and not blocking the door if he wanted to leave, but she looked straight at him for a moment before looking down at the ground.
"I wanted to make sure...that you were alright." Her voice was quiet as always, gentle as always, and laced with concern.
That was just like her...to worry about him first. And all he could do was worry about her. They really were quite the pair.
"I...could be worse," he answered as honestly as he could, walking over to her. It was only too easy to notice the way she was standing... Did she think he didn't want to see her or something.
After standing there observing her for a moment, Rubedo held out one hand for her to take.
At least he was being honest, not saying he was fine, and changing the subject.
But still. He stood there, not saying anything, and it was a few seconds before she realized he'd held out his hand, and another few seconds before she realized what he wanted her to do with it. Take it. Like they'd done the day before.
She lifted her hand to take his, but stopped before touching him. Eyebrows pulled together in worry, she shouldn't feel so bad about the curse, but still-
"Rubedo, I'm sorry..." And the apology she managed to get out covered so many things; the curse, how awkward he must be feeling, the fact that it had to have been her that curse day, how much she'd enjoyed it, how she knew he had someone waiting for him, everything.
Her apology made him smile, sadness evident in his blue gaze, and he closed the distance to grab her hand and yank her close. Immediately, she was wrapped in an embrace, his eyes sliding shut as he gripped her tightly.
"Sakura... I should be the one apologizing. I never let go." He nuzzled against her hair affectionately, his voice softer as he repeated himself. "I never let go."
Sakura's eyes sprang wide open in surprise at the sudden hug.
Yesterday had been the curse; but she was just as happy at that moment,. Sakura had to shut her eyes on the beginnings of tears, and brought her arms up around the boy-not-boy in front of her to return the embrace.
"Don't apologize, Rubedo... You've been through so much more than I ever have." It was comforting to have him so close, and to know they were both uncursed.
There was nothing to say to that. Was he supposed to insist that no, he really hadn't been through all that much? Was he supposed to tell her she didn't know the half of it? Neither answer sounded right, and so he said nothing.
She was far too wise for her age, and so he knew that while she might have been able to handle some of the things on his mind...she didn't deserve the burden. Wisdom was a good enough gift, but the last thing he wanted to do was jade her.
And so, all he could do was stand there and hold her, not saying a word.
He'd fallen silent again, but he'd not moved away. Sakura had opened her eyes, staring at the ground. She turned her head slightly towards him, trying to figure out how to say what she wanted to see.
"Rubedo... I know you told me that...that you were working on a way to bring me back to life..." She paused- this wasn't really getting at it right. "What I mean is... if you've got something on your mind...you can tell me. ...You must have been working on that for a long time, without telling anyone. ...You could have told me...if it would have let you be less stressed." All that slightly incoherent talk finished, she fell silent for a moment.
"I don't like to see you sad, is all, Rubedo."
He sighed. It was easy to not tell her things, but when she asked...he couldn't just ignore her. She wanted to know the truth, didn't she? Was he supposed to keep it from her?
It probably wasn't good for her to know, but he was worried she might be more upset about him keeping secrets upon secrets. He was already keeping enough to fill a solar system.
"It's not that, just..." Moving his hands to lightly rest on her shoulders, Rubedo took a step back to get a good look at her face. "I was going to try to return your life to you the same way we returned Elena's life...but it's not a method I can use a lot. If I want to stay alive, I'm pretty sure I only have one more go in me. It seemed pretty simple...until Gaignun showed up."
His gaze drifted down to the ground, then, and he dropped his eyes. "Nigredo's not alive anymore, Sakura. He died."
"Oh. No wonder you seemed stressed when he got here." Sakura looked down at the ground. "It must be hard...having your brothers change as much as they did."
"You shouldn't have to take everything on yourself, Rubedo." The brunette glanced back up at his face, eyes serious. "...I wish I could be of more help to you."
How often had she really been able to help him? It was always him helping her, coming to her rescue, trying to fix her disease, always he was there. How much had it cost him to be there always for her? Sakura took care to turn her face away, looking down and sideways, hair brushing her chin, so he couldn't see her eyes welling up again. ...She'd cried the first time she'd met him too. How weak she must seem.
Seeing her look that way was heart breaking. "S-Sakura, don't..."
What was he supposed to do? He was so fucking lost. This wasn't a problem people normally had to deal with... But his life had never been normal, and neither had Sakura's.
Reaching back up, he pressed his hand to her cheek to draw her face back up, and his fingers brushed underneath her eyes gently, as if he was afraid he just might break her. "You do help...just by being you. You know how glad I am, getting to see you again? It almost makes me want to stay here for good, just so I can watch you talk with other people and make friends and be happy. I wasn't able to help you...before. I wasn't able to cure you. But in a way, this place is almost a cure, even if your parents aren't here."
The only major problem was the damn curses, and he was just waiting for the day that a curse would come along and damage her beyond repair.
Rubedo's touch- words- kindness- allowed her to pull forth a smile from somewhere. It was wry, resigned, but it was there.
And it was true- the things he said. She could talk here. She had been able to meet people, talk to, have conversations with, more than three people.
"I- I'm glad I'm a help to you." Even if it was by her presence. "But...I don't want to hold you here. Don't you always say you have something to do at home?"
But her parents had tried so hard for her. She'd wanted badly to be able to tell them, even once, by her own voice, that she loved them. " I miss them...but I don't know if I'd wish for them to be here either." Memories of horrible curses, ones where she'd had Rubedo knock her out rather than deal with them for the whole time, swam to the surface. Sakura tried to dispel them with a shake of her head.
"...Yeah. I do. And that's why I can't stay... But the City doesn't give me much choice. I don't really get to choose when I come or go. And so...I like to treasure my time with you here."
Dropping his hands, he stuffed them into his jacket pockets and turned to eye a nearby fountain. "I want to bring you back with me... I want to give you a second chance, even if it seems unnatural, but..."
But he also wanted to bring Gaignun back. What was he supposed to do?
"...I never asked what you wanted, Sakura."
She'd been fortunate to arrive when he had already been here. It was something she'd come to realize. The thought of arriving, lost, in someplace she didn't know, was horrible to her. "...I treasure all the time I've had here." The unspoken "with you" added on in her mind- the weeks he'd been gone hadn't been very good.
Sakura looked at Rubedo's back. Bring her back? If she was returned to the living...was it even possible? She hadn't thought further than being able to feel the piano keys cool under her fingers again, and having a heartbeat that could thump painfully in moments like this.
What she wanted...Ah, why did such a simple question have such a hard answer? She wanted to tell her parents she loved them. But her father was dead- she'd never be able to tell him. She had wanted to meet her sister- thanks to the City, she'd been able to. She wanted...to never be stuck in her own subconcious, wanted to be able to talk to people. She wanted to rewind time, go back to when things were simple.
She was silent for a while before answering very quietly. "I want...things that I can't have." The girl took a few steps to make it to a bench, sitting down and closing her eyes. "I am happy if you are, Rubedo."
...Things she couldn't have. That was probably the case. If he did manage to return her life to her, would she be able to return to their world? Where would she return to, anyway? There was a whole star cluster to pick and choose from.
And say he did find her there... Would she be able to talk like she could now, or would she just go back to how she had been before? If he thought about it logically, then she ought to be cured. There was no longer a UMN, and U-DO wasn't an immediate threat. So then...?
He shut his eyes, head hurting, but still he looked like he was listening to something that nobody else could hear. When he opened them again, he could see the ocean just outside of the window covering the entire wall. The sun was high, reflecting off water that seemed to on forever... And he knew it didn't go anywhere.
"There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other." Once again, one of his old books had helped him out, and he offered a grin over his shoulder. "Don't worry. I'll figure something out. All you need to do, Sakura, is to keep on going."
The quote could have been taken for Rubedo's mantra. Sakura stood up again, walked over to where he stood. Almost took his hand. It only manifested as a twitch of her right arm, before she decided to merely stand near him.
She smiled up at him. He was only barely taller than she. "I'll do the best I can."
"Good," he murmured warmly in response, reaching out to wrap his arms around her shoulders loosely. He looked the same age as her, perhaps, but he had lived for almost three decades, and it reflected in his actions, both reserved and open.
His love for her was no longer something awkward and new... He had loved her since meeting her, and that had been sixteen years ago. The love was different than how he felt for Elena, but it was strong nonetheless, and he hadn't been lying when he said that he had never let go. And until she pulled away, he never would.
"That's all anyone can be ever expected to do. Their best."