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tampered2007-09-04 04:23 pm
floating-bamboo.livejournal.com) wrote in tampered2007-09-04 04:23 pm
Log; Complete
When; September 4th, 2007 (spanning over the entire day, morning to midnight)
Rating; MA-17 for bloodand fluff
Characters; Ukitake Jyuushirou {![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
floating_bamboo} & Kyouraku Shunsui {pink_hurricane}
Summary; Kyouraku is infected by the pneumonic plague. The roles are reversed for once.
Log;
The first thing Shunsui noticed upon waking was that his head hurt. A lot.
I hate hangovers…
He contemplated getting up, and getting some water. Unohana always said that hangovers happened because you were dehydrated, right? Since water seemed in to be in order, he stood and walked to the kitchenette a bit sluggishly, and found himself holding the counter for support as he reached for a cup.
How much did I have to drink last night? I usually don’t--
He stopped, hand halfway to the faucet. He hadn’t been drinking the night before. Not a single drop. Then he remembered.
Oh. The arrancar...
Shunsui looked down at himself to check his state of being. He was wearing a blue yukata, which he normally never wore to bed - couldn't be bothered really. But after a crazy fight like that it was always kind of important to cover yourself right? Isane had done a good job of healing him, so he wondered why his head hurt so much.
Probably just the stress, right?
Water couldn't hurt in any case, so he poured himself a cup of it anyway, then made his way - albeit a little wobbly - to the couch.
He had really thought that it wouldn't be so hard. He'd been a captain for a long time now... a long time now and he didn't really think there was much he wouldn't be able to take easily. A small part of him thought that perhaps, he was starting to get old, and that maybe he just wasn't at the top of his game anymore. He sighed heavily.
...and coughed?
---
Jyuushirou had spent all night in states of half-awake and nightmares. Not from being injured, but from failing again. Failing Orihime, and taking such a deep blow to his pride. It hurt more then the cuts and burns he had gotten from the cero. Damn that Thunderwitch. He was still unsure how he had managed to cut her tail off after that blast. Everything was a little hazy, even how they got away.
He woke up hearing a familiar sound, and he groaned inwardly. Typical. Not only had his strength left him when he needed it the most yesterday, now this too? There just was no end to the bad things.
It took him a moment to realize that it wasn't he who had coughed. Opening his eyes, he noticed that Shunsui's side of the bed was empty. Sitting up - wincing a bit at his sore muscles - he looked over at the sofa where Shunsui was.
"Shun?" The white-haired captain asked, a bit concerned. "What's the matter?"
The other didn't look right to him, and he immediately thought that the injuries from yesterday had opened. "Are you in pain?"
---
Shunsui looked up when the other man had spoken. What was the matter? He didn't know himself... but it was obvious something was when he had to stifle another cough before answering.
"Saa... stay still, Juu. I'm all right." I think. "I'm just stressed, you know how it is."
He took a sip of water. Perhaps that would help quell the annoying sensation in his lungs. Had he taken a hit there?
I thought he just got my back...and my arm too... but Isane took care of it, right? He flexed his arm just to check the state of it. It was sore, but generally all right... but then he noticed that the rest of his body felt the exact same way. I didn't think I was this sore last night...
That tickling sensation was back, and he went to take another sip of water, but found himself choking on it. He dropped the cup and held a hand to his chest. What was this all about?
---
Jyuushirou ignored him and got out of bed, trying not to make a face because of the soreness and pain from the injuries, and he walked up to his dearest friend and put a hand on his chest. "Hmmm." Breathing was a bit strained.
Removing the hand, he replaced it on his lover's forehead instead. "You don't feel that good, Shun. You have a fever..." Did the wounds from yesterday get infected? That couldn't be possible - Isane had taken care of them, after all. Was it just because of all the stress?
"You should lay down again, okay? Maybe you overdid it..." He wasn't so sure about that. Shunsui was strong, physically. Much stronger then he, really. If anyone should be sick from that battle, it was him. But what else could it be?
---
Fever? Damn... It started to make a little sense at least. The weak and sore feeling, the coughing, and fever. He hadn't been sick in a good long while, but he remembered at least what it felt like. Immediately his thoughts flew to the man beside him. He catches anything that's going around...
"Juu, I--" He coughed, very careful now to turn away and cover his mouth since Juushirou was so close. He panted a little afterwards. "...I'm not sure I feel that great. I think I'm coming down with something... maybe you ought to spend a few days with Kisuke, hmm?"
Shunsui picked up the cup he had dropped - thankfully it hadn't broken - and stood, walking to the kitchen. He wanted at least to bring a little distance between himself and his lover - it wouldn't be the first time he'd been the one at fault for making the other man sick.
He stopped at the counter, putting the cup in the sink. He was about to turn back and tell Juushirou that everything would be all right, but his legs felt suddenly weak, and he had to grab the counter tightly to remain standing. Shutting his eyes against the dizzy feeling, he wondered how he could have gotten sick in the first place. Was this another ability of the arrancar he fought yesterday?
---
Stubborn as he was, the white-haired captain shook his head. "Kisuke's injured too, I can't bother him. It'll be fine." Always the proud one, Jyuushirou wasn't just going to leave Shunsui if he was in pain. Not even if that got him sick as well.
Seeing the other almost collapse at the counter, he rushed over and wrapped one of the other captain's arms around his shoulder to help him stand. "You're going back in bed. You're burning up; I can feel it from here!" What on earth was wrong with him? Had it been poison in that huge scythe the arrancar wielded?
"I'll check the computer to see if there's something going on. Lie down, Shun, and take it easy."
---
Shunsui couldn't argue...at the moment he didn't have the strength. His chest tightened and he coughed again, doing his best to turn away, and when he could breathe again, he said; "All right... just... keep your distance." He knew his lover was a stubborn man.
He pulled away from Juushirou intent on doing ask asked and heading for the futon. He found his way there with some difficulty - practically falling into it, panting. He pulled one of the blankets on and pulled it tightly around himself, seeing as how he was suddenly freezing. He was reminded of some of Juushirou's bad days, when the shaking wouldn't stop, no matter how much Shunsui tried to hold him.
"Must... be hard doing this... all the time, huh, Juu?" He asked, already knowing the answer. "Seriously don't come near--" He was choking again. Shunsui tried to sit up, or at least lean to the side - something was being forced out of him, crawling up his throat and out his mouth. He spat something clear onto the futon, feeling a bit guilty about making a mess. He tried to wipe it off with his hand, but he couldn't move very well now.
"...sorry." He muttered, somewhat breathless.
---
Jyuushirou didn't reply to his first words, far too concerned about what was going on. A cold? No, it was progressing far too quickly for that. He had a stern expression in his face, teeth clenched out of worry for the person he loved. What was going on? Dread filled Jyuushirou's heart, the sheer terror of the thought that he might have somehow infected Shunsui with his own illness made his knees weak. That wasn't possible... right?
Making sure Shunsui was tucked up in bed; he went over to the stove, putting on some water to boil it. He made sure to dig out the medicine that he commonly used when ill, as well as some clean cloths. Checking the freezer for ice in case it would be needed, he then knelt next to Shunsui, armed with a thermometer and the cloths.
Placing one hand on Shunsui's forehead, he tried not to frown as he felt the heat. "How are you feeling? Can you breathe okay? Does it feel heavy?" He asked, as he reached out to pick up the computer, opening it and turning it on. Perhaps it was something going around? A curse?
His brown eyes widened a bit as he read the messages. People were really sick... and it didn't sound good. It even reminded him of something he didn't like at all.
---
He gave a weak smile up at Juushirou as he was asked the many questions. "I've been better," he said, half joking. He didn't like to see that look on the other's face... that was his job. To worry like that. Something about the situation felt rather wrong, actually. This was not how it was supposed to be - not that he ever wanted to see Juushirou ill, but it was something he was rather used to. He wasn't used to this.
Shunsui couldn't do much but lay still, shivering and coughing intermittently. More of the strange clear, watery substance was expelled from him, and he caught it in his hand, trying to hide it. He didn't want to worry his lover - even if he was starting to worry a little himself.
He also noted the strange look on Juushirou's face as he looked at the computer, something about it made his heart sink a little.
"What's... what does the computer say?" He asked, sounding rather strained. A stab of pain pierced his head and he gave an involuntary moan at it. He wished he could have held it back.
---
"Nothing." Jyuushirou said, face pale. He knew this was more then bad and that he should probably leave or get infected himself, but leaving when his loved ones were in danger had never been part Jyuushirou's personality. From the night Kaien died to the execution of Rukia, he was prepared to go through anything; to break any rules and fight to the death if he so only could save one person.
...and this was Shunsui. The person that had been by his side for as long as he could remember. They had seen centuries pass by together.
There was no way he'd leave him alone if he was in danger.
"It's... all over the city. You're sick, Shun. I should... get help." Jyuushirou was surprised at the stability of his own voice. As scared and worried as he was, his voice remained strong. He had to save Shunsui, he had to help him. If the roles were reversed, would Shunsui just have left? No, as proven over and over again when his own illness reared it's ugly head. Then why would Jyuushirou?
Please be alright.
This illness seemed rather City-wide. It reminded him of the outbursts of the Black Death, where Soul Society had been overcrowded and there wasn't even near enough shinigami to collect all souls. Was it a curse... or was this real?
---
"...no, don't," said Shunsui, shutting his eyes against the stabbing pain in his chest. "...she's... probably busy... besides, we must have worn her out yesterday."
He didn't like this. He didn't like this at all. Yes, the pain and the fever were bad enough... but he could see how worried Juushirou was. He could hear it in his voice and feel it in his movements. The white-haired man was worn out enough from yesterday's injuries, but the stress of worry could only make things worse.
Please don't catch it, Juu...
Even so, he tried to be optimistic and reassuring. "I'll be all right," he said, voice sounding not as strong as he would have liked. But something the other man had said had him wondering. "What do you mean, all over the--"
Shunsui was interrupted by coughing again, quickly turning his head to the side, for what little good it would do. The same choking sensation took him over again, and he felt something wet dribbling down his chin. But it tasted different, it tasted like...
---
Blood. Jyuushirou quickly wiped it off Shunsui's chin, folding the cloth so that the blood couldn't be seen. He didn't want to worry Shunsui too much, but his hands were shaking at the sight. He was used to hacking up blood himself, but not to see the one he loved do so. Shunsui had always been the stability in his world, and seeing him this weak was like loosing your very foundation.
This was working quickly! What kind of disease was this? Was it really a curse? If so, it was the worst one so far.
"It's okay. You're coughing up blood, but it's not too bad. Just rest, okay? Concentrate to breathe." Jyuushirou said, not wanting to lie to his lover, but forcing the panic away by pure will.
Jyuushirou tried to smile. Is this how you feel each time, Shunsui? Helpless? Of no use? It was a terrible feeling, not being able to do anything more then just sit there, hoping it would be alright. Praying, begging that this was all just another game and that Shunsui would be perfectly alright.
"Don't speak. I'm going to prop you up on some pillows from the couch to help you breathe. It's not good to lie down completely when coughing. You could c-choke." Ignoring that his voice failed him at the last word, he checked the computer again for any clues on what to do. Then he turned it off, not daring to see more misery broadcasted over the network. People he knew were sick... he wanted to help them, but he was torn from the thought of choosing between the person he loved and the people he called family.
Putting the thermometer in Shunsui's mouth, both to take his temperature and to keep him quiet, he gently ran his fingers through his hair in a soothing manner.
Please be okay. How could I live without you?
---
Shunsui's eyes widened slightly. Blood…? Oh. He knew the taste of it, he really shouldn't have been surprised. Oh, god, Juu, he wanted to say, worried more than ever that he could be passing the sickness on without even knowing it Don't get sick...please. If this sort of thing could make a normally healthy man like Shunsui cough up blood, who knows how bad it would be for him.
The way Juushirou's voice wavered on that last word was not lost by Shunsui. He knew only too well what the other must be feeling. He wanted to say something, anything to make him smile again - not the fake smile that Juushirou was giving him, but a real one. He opened his mouth to speak, but the other man had taken that opportunity to place a thermometer there, so it would have to wait.
Shunsui closed his eyes, the pain slightly soothed by the hand running through his hair. He would have to remember that. It seemed to work.
---
Taking the thermometer from Shunsui's mouth when it beeped, and he gave it one look before he got up to get some ice from the freezer.
"I don't care if Isane is busy, Shun. You're in pain..." That wasn’t true. Of course he didn’t want to wear the woman down, but he was also far too worried. The argument felt rather ridiculous - it was just like he used to say. The roles really were reversed and every pained look from Shunsui made his heart bleed. Was it this painful for Shunsui too, when watching him being sick like this?
"...do you always worry this much when I'm sick? God, Shun, I feel useless. Is there anything I can do? I'll make some of that tea they always force me to drink."
---
The thermometer now removed, Shunsui was somewhat curious what the numbers had said, but Juushirou's face told him it was too high. He didn't have the heart to ask.
He understood that feeling. The helplessness. The anxiety. The waiting. He also knew that there was not much to be done about it... but even now, Juushirou came first in his mind. It always made Shunsui feel better when he had something to do. He would do whatever it took to see that smile again.
"Tea sounds nice. They must... have a reason for giving it to you," he said, sounding breathless. "...but no, don't call Isane... if it's all over the city--"
More coughing. More blood and a sensation of drowning. He wiped his chin roughly with his hand before continuing. "...she'll need to take care of other people too..."
He watched as Juushirou stood and heard him rummaging through the freezer - probably to get ice. Must be a pretty high fever then...damn. Part of him idly wondered how he could have such a high fever when he was so cold... but he'd seen it happen to Juushirou too. Shunsui wondered if he had enough strength to reach for the other blanket... he would give it a try at least, while his lover's back was turned...
---
"But what if you-" Jyuushirou stopped himself sighed. He couldn't think like that. Not now. He had to be positive, right? Besides, the healers would be needed out there, if people were this sick....
Without a sound, he stood up to take the water off the stove and make some of the medicated tea for Shunsui. When he turned back, he saw his lover reach out for the other blanket. Bringing the tea and ice to him, he then pushed Shunsui back in bed and pulled the other blanket over him.
He felt like he was going to split inside out of worry - not only for Shunsui, but for the other people, too. Rukia, Kiyone... Isshin, Matsumoto, Hinamori... everyone. The children... God, what was this? A sick joke? He had not seen this in centuries, and all of the sudden something that looked like the plague just swooshed in over the city? What was the purpose?
He used another cloth to clean up Shunsui again, and then placed the cloth in his hand so that he had something to cough in to... at least as long as he had the strength to cover his own mouth. Stroking his hair again, he gave him a shaky smile. "We'll get through this. We've fought so many battles together. This can't beat you." He mumbled, so very tired and worn out himself after the battle, having taken such a hit.
---
The second blanket only minimally helped the cold sensation, and Shunsui regretted having moved. He shut his eyes tightly against the pain and growing queasy feeling... it was a moment before he got it to calm down.
Shunsui opened his eyes wearily and smiled back as best he could in reassurance. It was true, this illness might not be the end of him yet... but it saddened him to think that Juushirou would probably suffer the same fate - even worse, in fact.
He tried not to think about it. He tried not to think about the fact that he could be killing his lover by simply being in the same room. For the moment, he accepted the cloth and tucked it into his palm.
"Yare, yare..." He said, trying to sit up more so that he could drink the tea. "...this is some... backwards mess, isn't it?"
Then remembering again that he hated being idle whenever he was in the same position, he said; "...do we still have some aspirin?" His head still hurt after all... in fact... his whole body did. It was at least a practical excuse to keep Juushirou busy.
---
"Careful." Jyuushirou said, helping him to sit up. He held the tea out to him, ready to help him drink it too, if needed.
"...it really is. I don't understand this, Shun. What is the meaning? Is it a curse?" He looked at his lover and sighed. "At first... god, I almost thought I had infected you with my disease. It broke my heart." He said, brown eyes meeting Shunsui's grey. "It was always my greatest fear when we were young."
At the question if they still had any aspirin, Jyuushirou turned to look trough the box of medications he had picked out earlier. He took out a pack of aspirin. "We do. Be careful, though. It thins the blood." He didn't have the heart to tell him they usually didn't help much against the pain. They were, however, effective against fever, so he took out two, holding them out together with the tea.
"If you start feeling dizzy... or if things seem to slip out of focus and go all strange, tell me, okay? I hope this will take the fever down a bit." He said seriously, as he poured ice in one of the clean cloths and tied it together, making a makeshift ice pack to put on Shunsui’s forehead.
---
"I'm already dizzy," he muttered before he could stop himself.
Already half-sitting, Shunsui accepted the aspirin first and then the tea, making a face as he swallowed. His hands were shaking horribly; he didn't like that. It was difficult to feel like you didn't have any control over your own body.
"...yuck. That's what I've been making you drink?" He sighed, which turned into another series of coughs, and he had to put the tea down on the table if he didn't want to spill it. He wiped his mouth with the cloth Juushirou had handed him earlier, and noted that the tea wasn't sitting well in his stomach either. He subconsciously placed a hand on his midsection, looking a little green, but continued focusing on conversation. It was a welcome distraction.
"...well...I don't think this is the same thing," he said, giving another weak smile. "I would have been sick ages ago... were you really... that scared?" He paused, taking in a wheezy breath. "...you never said anything."
Shunsui hoped the aspirin wouldn't take long to work. He tried to remember how long it usually took before Juushirou started looking better after taking some, but found that his memory only told him that it had seemed too long at times.
---
"It's not so bad... once you get used to it." Jyuushirou said with a slight smile, though it appeared a bit stiff in his worried and rather ashen face. "I'll make some real tea as well, even though I know you don't like it."
He noticed Shunsui put a hand on his stomach and he wondered if he was feeling queasy. Perhaps he should find a bucket too... just in case.
"Yes. But I knew it wouldn't have kept you away anyway. Besides, the doctors told me I wasn't contagious... even if I still thought I was every time you sneezed." The white-haired shinigami sighed. During all their centuries together, they had faced all kinds of dangers and hardships - and made it through alive. Here in this city, things were much more different. It scared him, because he felt like everything was unknown grounds. There was so much more frustration.
Reaching out, he took Shunsui's hand again, just holding it. Wanting him to know that he was there - and knowing, himself, that Shunsui still was there as well. He wanted to find a healer, but at the look of things, he doubted it would even help. There had been doctors around when he had looked at the computer, but he remembered the doctors of the Black Death and would rather avoid them, instead.
---
"...damn right I would have stayed with you anyway..."
Shunsui switched the hand holding Juushirou's so that he could take the tea again. It didn't taste great, but his lover had made it for him - and used some of his own medical herbs in it, which weren't exactly easy to come by. He made a face as it went down, as much as he tried not to. He only managed a few sips before putting it down again. Then he leaned back heavily against the pillows.
He hadn't been this sick in a long time. Actually, I don't think I've ever been this sick..., he realized after a moment. The thought scared him; and for the first time it hit him that he really could die from this, couldn't he? Fear finally filtered onto his features, as much as he tried to hold it back.
"...Is this...what it's like for you?" He asked his lover, giving his hand a weak squeeze. "...are you always this afraid of..." He trailed off; he couldn't bring himself to say the words 'dying'. Whether for himself or for Juushirou, he didn't know. Speaking had left him somewhat breathless, and each short gasp for air pained him. He tried to ignore it.
---
"Every time." Jyuushirou said, his voice sounding dead, eyes full of sorrow and worry as he looked at the man in the bed. "But you give me strength to go on. You, my division, everything I love and hold dear." He put one hand over Shunsui's, holding it to his cheek, noticing how warm the other still was.
Once more, he begged that this was only a curse, a game. It truly was not good, and Jyuushirou's heart felt like it was shattering into little pieces. Shunsui really was sick. Very, very sick - and that scared him more then anything else. Because he knew the feeling, he knew the fight for air, the deliriousness from the fever, the never-ending pain that deteriorated your very sanity....and when it was as worst, the silent, subconscious wishes for it all to just end.
It was nothing he wished even his greatest enemy. Even less his closest friend., the person he loved.
"I'm here." He said softly, squeezing back around Shunsui's hand. "Of all the hundred, thousands of times you've taken care of me, now it's my turn." He lifted the hand and kissed the back of it. Not even wild horses or the mind-numbing worrying about Orihime and everyone else that he held dear could drag him away now. Please be okay.
Some morbid thought in the back of his head told him that where ever this might lead, he'd soon follow anyway; because this kind of illness was more then contagious, and he had the uncanny ability to get serious pneumonia when someone else just had the sniffles.
"Don't speak, Shun. It's not good if you strain yourself. Just... just breathe." He said, removing the ice for now, since it was melting. He replaced it with a wet cloth instead. "You should try and rest a little...."
---
He wanted to rest. He really did. It would have been easy to close his eyes, as comfortable as he was ever going to get, with Juushirou by his side. But there was a chance that this wasn't just a bad curse, and that he could very well die. He didn't want to waste a minute of his time. Once again he wondered how he could have gotten so sick so fast... wondering again if it was something the Arrancar did to him. But... it was useless to think about it.
"...and how often...do you listen to me, when I say the same thing?" He reached out to find Juushirou's hand again, which was now a little cooler from handing the ice. "Besides, I'm not that... ti--"
Shunsui gasped once, then fell into another fit of coughing, he could feel blood pooling in his throat. He wanted to sit up to spit it out, but his body wouldn't cooperate. There was no air to be had. It was in a word - frightening. It was scary not to know if you wouldn't be able to take another breath. How often is it, Juushirou, that you feel this way?
---
It was not often he listened to Shunsui when he came to that, he had to admit it.
Jyuushirou's eyes widened as the other started to cough and he bent forward over him, grabbing his shoulders, trying to calm his coughing down; trying to make him calm down and not try to drag air down to quickly and make it all much worse. He didn't care about the blood, even though he got it all over his clothes. It was bad. Very, very bad.
"Shunsui! Look at me! Breathe, slowly. Don't panic. Breathe. It's okay... it's okay." It was not okay. God, he knew the pain and the utter terror, the fear of death digging itself straight into your heart. He knew it wouldn't help him breathe much, but he wrapped his arms around his lover and pushed his head to his chest. "Listen to my heart beat. Concentrate on it, and try to breathe calmly, even if you can't."
---
Shunsui was out of his own ideas, so he obeyed Juushirou without question. He forced himself to slow down, even if his lungs were screaming at him to take in more air. It was a few moments before he finally stopped, panting and wheezing and utterly drained, leaning against Juushirou's chest.
He grimaced at the amount of blood that was on his lover's clothing, and it was still dripping a little from his mouth. Wiping at his chin with his hand, he pushed away gently, to signal that he was all right. For now, anyway...
He leaned back against the pillows again; a little too exhausted to do much but grab the other man's hand in reassurance and close his eyes, far too dizzy and light-headed to think straight. God, how much blood have I lost? Between the arrancar fight and this? He had fleeting notion that he would just try to keep it all in... but then he realized how silly that was and knew it must be because he was so feverish.
---
"Rest." Jyuushirou said, though his face had about the same color as his hair. He was shocked and rather frightened. Not even he coughed up that much blood without stressing himself physically to the point where is body completely broke, or when having been sick for a long. long time - this was a matter of hours. It really, truly was the plague then. Why now? Why here? Why, in general?
A part of him didn't want his lover to sleep, in terror that he'd never wake up, but the other part knew that he had to, or there was no chance at all that he'd get better. He had to get better - this curse had to be a joke. As worried as he was about Shunsui, he was also terrified that his friends and the people he called family might be going through this as well. It made him shake slightly and he had to take a few deep breaths to calm down. This place was wearing him down.
Strangely enough, he felt fine, physically - sans the weariness and pain from the battle yesterday. Mentally, on the other hand, he felt his own mind breaking slowly into a heap of 'I'm such a hypocrite', followed by 'don't die' and 'why can't I do anything, he's in pain' and ending with ‘…’. If this was what Shunsui felt on the days when he was really sick and fighting for his life... then it was terrible.
---
Even now, Shunsui couldn't help but notice how pale Juushirou had become, or that he was shaking and purposely taking deep breathes. He'd learned how to watch out for such things even in his sleep. "Hey..." he said, voice hoarse and quiet. "...are you okay?"
It could just have been nerves - god knows Shunsui had had his panic attacks from time to time when it was Juushirou who was in this position - but there was also the possibility that whatever it was that was plaguing him was now turning to attack his lover.
He paused to cough once, with a splatter of blood. "...do you feel sick?"
His voice was soft as he said it, both from weariness and the fear of the answer. It wouldn't be a surprise, but it would be heartbreaking. Juushirou would die.
Please tell me no. Please...
---
He looked down at Shunsui, hugging him close and then gently shook his head, strands of white hair falling from his shoulders as he did. "No." He said, voice soft and reassuring. "I feel fine. Better then in quite a while, actually. I'm just..."
He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, calming himself down more. "I'm just scared, Shunsui. I'm so afraid that I can't breathe. I've fought thousands of hollows in my life and I battle death on a regular basis. It doesn't scare me. But you, being this sick... it's the most frightening thing ever. I don't want to lose you."
He gave a slight laugh, but it almost sounded like choked sob. "I'm just being silly..."
---
Shunsui shook his head slightly, then winced as it only served to make him dizzy and nauseous. But he managed to speak anyway. "It's not silly," he said, knowing only too well the feeling. "It's... natural, I think... to be that scared when... it's someone you love." He panted a little from speaking, but he was more careful now not to overdo it.
He closed his eyes as he was held, he took strength from it, and Juushirou was either going to get sick or not at this point. Contact wasn't an issue anymore.
---
"Sssh. Don't speak. Rest, it’s getting late." Jyuushirou mumbled as he shifted his position a little so that he could hold Shunsui close in his arms. He held him there for a moment and then carefully moved them both so that he could hold his upper body in his lap, arms resting around his shoulders. He was careful not to obstruct Shunsui's breathing in any way.
"Rest, get well." He said, placing a kiss on the other man's head. Right now, he was pretty convinced that if this was just not a normal - but disgusting and terrible - curse, they'd both be dead in the morning. There was no chance that he wouldn't get infected as well; not with his pretty much non-existent immune system. But at least it would be them both...
He closed his eyes again, all of the worry making his head spin and creating morbid thoughts. He was not only worrying about Shunsui, but everyone else too, but he didn't dare to look at the computer again. If people had died... he didn't think he could take that right now. Never having been very good at handling the death of his loved one – exhibit A, Kaien – he didn't desire to lose his mind in the midst of everything as well.
He had to be here for Shunsui. Hugging him close, Jyuushirou sighed a little.
Breathe, please. Continue doing so for a long time. Centuries, at least.
---
Shunsui closed his eyes as he was shifted around, trying his best to hide his discomfort - he wanted it, after all. And when the room stopped spinning and his stomach stopped churning it was perfect. At least, as perfect as this sort of situation could get. He looked up at his long time friend and lover, wishing that he could somehow take the worry away - but from experience he knew this was impossible.
"At least... we're together, right?" He managed to rasp out before coughing again. He covered his mouth with the cloth but thankfully there was little blood. I wonder how much I have left in me?
He shifted a little, trying to turn onto his side so he could lay his ear against Juushirou's chest, and listen to him breathing. His lover had said he was all right, but Shunsui just wanted to make sure.
Finding only a clear sound from the other man, Shunsui relaxed and found his eyes closing of their own accord. He forced them open again... he didn't really want to sleep... but Juushirou was right. If he was to get better rest was the only solution.
"Juu-chan... I'm tired... I'm not dead, I promise... just sleeping... okay?"
---
"Hai..." Jyuushirou replied, pulling the covers up higher around Shunsui. He ignored the fact that the other man was much heavier then he was, and that the healed wounds and soreness from yesterdays battle was bugging him. It meant nothing right now. "Just sleep..."
Running his hands trough Shunsui's hair in an attempt to sooth him and allow him to sleep, he listened to his strained breaths. The scent of blood and illness seemed strong in the small room and he knew it all too well. Please be safe. You, Rukia, Kiyone... everyone. How could I go on without you?
Not caring about the fact that the dead really didn't die in this world - it still worried him more then anything. He didn't want to get trapped here, and neither did he want Shunsui to be. It just didn't feel right.
"I love you." He whispered, voice full of sadness and affection. He loved him, and this was going to be just fine. Right?
---
A mumbled ‘I love you, too’ escaped Shunsui's lips before he drifted off, sleep coming to easily from having resisted it for so long. He slept fitfully, turning and shifting uncomfortably in Juushirou's arms, waking only to hack up more blood on occasion, then dozing off again, face screwed up in pain.
He dreamed of home, back in Seireitei, where it was Juushirou who was dying in his arms, the blood coming to fast for him, until finally he was still. The scene played over and over, only interrupted when Shunsui woke up gasping for breath, looking up at Juushirou and temporarily reassured that his lover was very much alive - even if the situation seemed just as dire.
He didn't know which he preferred less - dying and knowing that Juushirou would be left behind, likely to die himself, or having his oldest friend die in his arms, in the quiet and comfort of the ugendou, where at least they were home...
---
He sat silent with Shunsui in his arms, helping him when he coughed, calming him when he shifted and turned in his sleep. He had blood on his cheek from one cough attack and didn't even care to remove it, all his attention on the man in his lap. What WAS this? It was so quick, so terribly bad and it reminded him far too much about his own illness. He could, when listening closely, hear the coughs and wails of other people in the temple. It made him hold Shunsui closer, as if he was afraid the man would be taken form him if he didn't.
He imagined him leaving him, dying here in his arms over and over again, and the thought wore him down to a state where he really couldn't think any more, stunned and heartbroken and so very afraid for the life of man he loved.
Hours passed as he sat there, almost frozen in shock. It came close to midnight, and Jyuushirou couldn't keep awake for much longer, his mental state having suffered too much from all the worrying and sheer panic inside him. He closed his eyes and nodded off just as the new day began, still sitting with Shunsui in his arms, but his head hung, hair covering his face and some of Shunsui's as well.
---
Something tickled Shunsui's face and neck, he instinctively reached out to brush the sensation away, but finding that the offending something would not leave, he opened his eyes slowly. Juushirou's face was above his, hair hanging down loosely and Shunsui realized what had been annoying him... but something seemed wrong about the situation. The lights were on, for one, and the two of them usually didn't sleep like this.
In an instant, the day's events came rushing back. Shunsui panicked, and reached out with both hands now to hold Juushirou's cheeks, one of which was splattered with blood. No... please no... I did it. I've killed him...
"Juushirou!" he couldn't stop himself from shouting. He had thought at least... that he'd be gone first, after this...
---
Jyuushirou opened his eyes as Shunsui grabbed his cheeks and then jolted slightly in surprised at the shout. "Wh-what?" He asked, staring at him sleepily. Then he remembered how sick Shunsui was and his stomach felt like a back void of fear.
"How are you feeling? Are you in pain?" He asked, thinking that was why the man screamed his name like that. It had sounded painful to him.
---
"Are you de--"
Stupid question. Shunsui heaved a sigh in relief. And found his breathing strangely clear. He hadn't noticed it when he first woke up... but then, he had been panicked. He took another deep breath to check the state of things.
"I... feel fine, actually..." He felt way too good considering he had been hardly able to breathe a few hours ago. He turned his attention back to his lover. "Are you all right? Did you get sick?"
---
"Oh thank god." Jyuushirou said, hugging him close. "It was just a curse... just a curse." It took him a while to register what the other had said and he finally replied while holding Shunsui close.
"And I'm not dead... I feel fine. Just... very, very tired." He said honestly, since the worry had taken its toll on him. He sighed with relief and gave Shunsui a shaky smile. He was safe. Safe, and not in pain any more. "I'm so happy you're okay..."
He had not cried since the night after Kaien died, but after all this stress, the battle and the fear, the loss and all the damage his pride had taken, the relief that washed over him made it impossible for him to hold it back. Too proud to even let the person closest to him see him that weak; he hid the tears by turning his head away from him. "Let's not repeat that, please."
---
Shunsui sat up, turning and rearranging himself so that he was holding Juushirou, rather than the other way around. He could tell that his lover was crying even if he tried to hide it. He held Juushirou's head against his chest, stroking his hair in an attempt to be comforting.
It must have been scary, right Juu? You must have been worried out of your mind... I know it...
"I'm sorry," he said, though he did not know quite why. "But everything is okay now. I'm fine. You're fine. We're all fine, I'm sure... just a curse."
He stayed in that position for a few more moments, before sitting back down. It would be best for both of them to sleep now; Juushirou's body didn't handle stress well, and he could become ill for real rather easily if he didn't rest now. Shunsui was also a little tired, he had to admit - the sleep he had gotten wasn't restful at all.
---
"Why are you apologizing? It wasn't your fault." Jyuushirou said, looking at him. "I should apologize. For worrying you in this way, over and over again. Now I know how it feels..."
He closed his eyes, wiping away the last tears discreetly. "It feels like every cough, all the pain I see you in makes me die a little inside..."
---
Shunsui didn't like that phrasing, but didn't say as much. He took the moment to stand and strip himself down to his fundoshi. His yukata would have to be replaced.
"And now I know what it feels like too..." He said rather flatly. "I don't get sick often, sometimes I forget..." He shook his head, he didn't want to think about that right now. They were both alive and well, albeit tired.
He glanced down at the bloody futon and blankets. They would have to be washed...but it could wait. He walked to the wall to shut off the lights, without asking. Then knelt back down beside his lover, and holding him tightly once more. "Let's go to bed all right? Here…" He said, pushing one of the blankets over to him, "...this one's got less blood on it..."
---
"Hai... I hope - no, I beg that everyone else is alright too..." He said, leaning to Shunsui as the other man came back to bed. "Maybe I should look... Inoue-san..." Truth to be told, he almost didn't dare look. More scares like this, and he wouldn't be able to get out of bed for weeks. While he was usually a strong man mentally, hardened by centuries - millennia - of battle and hardships, of fighting his own illness, these days had just been too much for him.
It had made him feel so helpless. All of it.
"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked, though he had seen the other walk around and seeming quite himself. Even his skin didn't feel hot any more, which helped to assure him that the fever really was gone...
---
He knew the feeling. He knew how much his lover needed to be reassured... there were days when Shunsui would ask the exact same thing, after seeing that first smile that given to him after a long episode of sickness. Sometimes, it was just hard to believe, after something so serious.
"Juushirou," he said, quite seriously, kneeling up straighter so that the other man's ear was pressed against his chest. "...just listen."
He breathed, slowly, deeply, and clearly. Staying put for a few moments so Juushirou could get a good chance to hear it for himself.
"I'm okay," he said honestly. "And I'm sure everyone else is too... if it wasn't a curse, I don't think I'd be feeling this good right now, don't you think?"
---
Jyuushirou listened to the other breathe, hearing how clear it sounded. He smiled a little and nodded slightly, keeping his head rested on Shunsui’s chest for a while longer, just to feel him breathe. "You're right. I'm just... you know..." Scared. Worried. Paranoid. Useless.
"I'll visit everyone tomorrow... just to make sure..." He lay down in bed and sighed again, pulling the not-so-bloody cover over himself. He wasn't sure how on earth he'd be able to sleep, even if his body screamed for rest. He had nightmares already, and he was still awake.
He turned to that he could look at Shunsui, feeling like there had been something precious shattered after this curse; regret, anxiety and fear still had his heart in a grip. He, who was usually calm and kind and liked to joke with people now felt hollow. The failure in the arrancar battle didn't make it better.
It will go away once I know that everyone is safe... we have to make a new plan.
---
"Yes," said Shunsui, laying down beside his lover and joining him under the least soiled of the blankets. "I do know."
He worried too. He was worrying a little at this very moment; stress like that was never good for anyone, let alone someone with frail health. Shunsui turned on his side and draped one arm lightly over Juushirou's midsection under the covers, and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, wondering idly if any blood was still stuck to his beard. It was dark, and he couldn't tell. And he'd rather not know.
"Tomorrow we can check. I'll go with you," he said, giving a small sigh. "Please sleep now, even if it's hard. I don't want you to get sick for real... but I am glad for one thing... I'm glad you were lucky this time, and didn't get hit with it. I'm glad it was me instead."
---
"Don't... say that, Shunsui." Jyuushirou said, looking at him. "But I'll try to sleep. I'm just afraid that all I'll see is you dying, and I'm not sure if my mind could take that right now." He sighed, ignoring the fact that the bed still smelled of sweat, blood and sickness, and closed his eyes.
He kept one arm on Shunsui's chest, hand resting right over his heart, so he could both feel it beat and feel his chest rise with each breath.
He had prided himself to be stronger then this and that pride had taken a deathly strike these few days. Jyuushirou didn’t know if it would recover. He'd always said he was not afraid of death, even if he didn't wish it - but he was terrified to lose those he cared about. He was terrified of failing.
---
"Sleep," he instructed, placing his own hand on top of Juushirou's on his chest. "Things will be better tomorrow... and I'm right here. I'll be here when you open your eyes, alive and well. Don't worry."
No, he said to himself, that's my job.
"I love you, Juushirou. Goodnight."
Rating; MA-17 for blood
Characters; Ukitake Jyuushirou {
floating_bamboo} & Kyouraku Shunsui {pink_hurricane}Summary; Kyouraku is infected by the pneumonic plague. The roles are reversed for once.
Log;
The first thing Shunsui noticed upon waking was that his head hurt. A lot.
I hate hangovers…
He contemplated getting up, and getting some water. Unohana always said that hangovers happened because you were dehydrated, right? Since water seemed in to be in order, he stood and walked to the kitchenette a bit sluggishly, and found himself holding the counter for support as he reached for a cup.
How much did I have to drink last night? I usually don’t--
He stopped, hand halfway to the faucet. He hadn’t been drinking the night before. Not a single drop. Then he remembered.
Oh. The arrancar...
Shunsui looked down at himself to check his state of being. He was wearing a blue yukata, which he normally never wore to bed - couldn't be bothered really. But after a crazy fight like that it was always kind of important to cover yourself right? Isane had done a good job of healing him, so he wondered why his head hurt so much.
Probably just the stress, right?
Water couldn't hurt in any case, so he poured himself a cup of it anyway, then made his way - albeit a little wobbly - to the couch.
He had really thought that it wouldn't be so hard. He'd been a captain for a long time now... a long time now and he didn't really think there was much he wouldn't be able to take easily. A small part of him thought that perhaps, he was starting to get old, and that maybe he just wasn't at the top of his game anymore. He sighed heavily.
...and coughed?
---
Jyuushirou had spent all night in states of half-awake and nightmares. Not from being injured, but from failing again. Failing Orihime, and taking such a deep blow to his pride. It hurt more then the cuts and burns he had gotten from the cero. Damn that Thunderwitch. He was still unsure how he had managed to cut her tail off after that blast. Everything was a little hazy, even how they got away.
He woke up hearing a familiar sound, and he groaned inwardly. Typical. Not only had his strength left him when he needed it the most yesterday, now this too? There just was no end to the bad things.
It took him a moment to realize that it wasn't he who had coughed. Opening his eyes, he noticed that Shunsui's side of the bed was empty. Sitting up - wincing a bit at his sore muscles - he looked over at the sofa where Shunsui was.
"Shun?" The white-haired captain asked, a bit concerned. "What's the matter?"
The other didn't look right to him, and he immediately thought that the injuries from yesterday had opened. "Are you in pain?"
---
Shunsui looked up when the other man had spoken. What was the matter? He didn't know himself... but it was obvious something was when he had to stifle another cough before answering.
"Saa... stay still, Juu. I'm all right." I think. "I'm just stressed, you know how it is."
He took a sip of water. Perhaps that would help quell the annoying sensation in his lungs. Had he taken a hit there?
I thought he just got my back...and my arm too... but Isane took care of it, right? He flexed his arm just to check the state of it. It was sore, but generally all right... but then he noticed that the rest of his body felt the exact same way. I didn't think I was this sore last night...
That tickling sensation was back, and he went to take another sip of water, but found himself choking on it. He dropped the cup and held a hand to his chest. What was this all about?
---
Jyuushirou ignored him and got out of bed, trying not to make a face because of the soreness and pain from the injuries, and he walked up to his dearest friend and put a hand on his chest. "Hmmm." Breathing was a bit strained.
Removing the hand, he replaced it on his lover's forehead instead. "You don't feel that good, Shun. You have a fever..." Did the wounds from yesterday get infected? That couldn't be possible - Isane had taken care of them, after all. Was it just because of all the stress?
"You should lay down again, okay? Maybe you overdid it..." He wasn't so sure about that. Shunsui was strong, physically. Much stronger then he, really. If anyone should be sick from that battle, it was him. But what else could it be?
---
Fever? Damn... It started to make a little sense at least. The weak and sore feeling, the coughing, and fever. He hadn't been sick in a good long while, but he remembered at least what it felt like. Immediately his thoughts flew to the man beside him. He catches anything that's going around...
"Juu, I--" He coughed, very careful now to turn away and cover his mouth since Juushirou was so close. He panted a little afterwards. "...I'm not sure I feel that great. I think I'm coming down with something... maybe you ought to spend a few days with Kisuke, hmm?"
Shunsui picked up the cup he had dropped - thankfully it hadn't broken - and stood, walking to the kitchen. He wanted at least to bring a little distance between himself and his lover - it wouldn't be the first time he'd been the one at fault for making the other man sick.
He stopped at the counter, putting the cup in the sink. He was about to turn back and tell Juushirou that everything would be all right, but his legs felt suddenly weak, and he had to grab the counter tightly to remain standing. Shutting his eyes against the dizzy feeling, he wondered how he could have gotten sick in the first place. Was this another ability of the arrancar he fought yesterday?
---
Stubborn as he was, the white-haired captain shook his head. "Kisuke's injured too, I can't bother him. It'll be fine." Always the proud one, Jyuushirou wasn't just going to leave Shunsui if he was in pain. Not even if that got him sick as well.
Seeing the other almost collapse at the counter, he rushed over and wrapped one of the other captain's arms around his shoulder to help him stand. "You're going back in bed. You're burning up; I can feel it from here!" What on earth was wrong with him? Had it been poison in that huge scythe the arrancar wielded?
"I'll check the computer to see if there's something going on. Lie down, Shun, and take it easy."
---
Shunsui couldn't argue...at the moment he didn't have the strength. His chest tightened and he coughed again, doing his best to turn away, and when he could breathe again, he said; "All right... just... keep your distance." He knew his lover was a stubborn man.
He pulled away from Juushirou intent on doing ask asked and heading for the futon. He found his way there with some difficulty - practically falling into it, panting. He pulled one of the blankets on and pulled it tightly around himself, seeing as how he was suddenly freezing. He was reminded of some of Juushirou's bad days, when the shaking wouldn't stop, no matter how much Shunsui tried to hold him.
"Must... be hard doing this... all the time, huh, Juu?" He asked, already knowing the answer. "Seriously don't come near--" He was choking again. Shunsui tried to sit up, or at least lean to the side - something was being forced out of him, crawling up his throat and out his mouth. He spat something clear onto the futon, feeling a bit guilty about making a mess. He tried to wipe it off with his hand, but he couldn't move very well now.
"...sorry." He muttered, somewhat breathless.
---
Jyuushirou didn't reply to his first words, far too concerned about what was going on. A cold? No, it was progressing far too quickly for that. He had a stern expression in his face, teeth clenched out of worry for the person he loved. What was going on? Dread filled Jyuushirou's heart, the sheer terror of the thought that he might have somehow infected Shunsui with his own illness made his knees weak. That wasn't possible... right?
Making sure Shunsui was tucked up in bed; he went over to the stove, putting on some water to boil it. He made sure to dig out the medicine that he commonly used when ill, as well as some clean cloths. Checking the freezer for ice in case it would be needed, he then knelt next to Shunsui, armed with a thermometer and the cloths.
Placing one hand on Shunsui's forehead, he tried not to frown as he felt the heat. "How are you feeling? Can you breathe okay? Does it feel heavy?" He asked, as he reached out to pick up the computer, opening it and turning it on. Perhaps it was something going around? A curse?
His brown eyes widened a bit as he read the messages. People were really sick... and it didn't sound good. It even reminded him of something he didn't like at all.
---
He gave a weak smile up at Juushirou as he was asked the many questions. "I've been better," he said, half joking. He didn't like to see that look on the other's face... that was his job. To worry like that. Something about the situation felt rather wrong, actually. This was not how it was supposed to be - not that he ever wanted to see Juushirou ill, but it was something he was rather used to. He wasn't used to this.
Shunsui couldn't do much but lay still, shivering and coughing intermittently. More of the strange clear, watery substance was expelled from him, and he caught it in his hand, trying to hide it. He didn't want to worry his lover - even if he was starting to worry a little himself.
He also noted the strange look on Juushirou's face as he looked at the computer, something about it made his heart sink a little.
"What's... what does the computer say?" He asked, sounding rather strained. A stab of pain pierced his head and he gave an involuntary moan at it. He wished he could have held it back.
---
"Nothing." Jyuushirou said, face pale. He knew this was more then bad and that he should probably leave or get infected himself, but leaving when his loved ones were in danger had never been part Jyuushirou's personality. From the night Kaien died to the execution of Rukia, he was prepared to go through anything; to break any rules and fight to the death if he so only could save one person.
...and this was Shunsui. The person that had been by his side for as long as he could remember. They had seen centuries pass by together.
There was no way he'd leave him alone if he was in danger.
"It's... all over the city. You're sick, Shun. I should... get help." Jyuushirou was surprised at the stability of his own voice. As scared and worried as he was, his voice remained strong. He had to save Shunsui, he had to help him. If the roles were reversed, would Shunsui just have left? No, as proven over and over again when his own illness reared it's ugly head. Then why would Jyuushirou?
Please be alright.
This illness seemed rather City-wide. It reminded him of the outbursts of the Black Death, where Soul Society had been overcrowded and there wasn't even near enough shinigami to collect all souls. Was it a curse... or was this real?
---
"...no, don't," said Shunsui, shutting his eyes against the stabbing pain in his chest. "...she's... probably busy... besides, we must have worn her out yesterday."
He didn't like this. He didn't like this at all. Yes, the pain and the fever were bad enough... but he could see how worried Juushirou was. He could hear it in his voice and feel it in his movements. The white-haired man was worn out enough from yesterday's injuries, but the stress of worry could only make things worse.
Please don't catch it, Juu...
Even so, he tried to be optimistic and reassuring. "I'll be all right," he said, voice sounding not as strong as he would have liked. But something the other man had said had him wondering. "What do you mean, all over the--"
Shunsui was interrupted by coughing again, quickly turning his head to the side, for what little good it would do. The same choking sensation took him over again, and he felt something wet dribbling down his chin. But it tasted different, it tasted like...
---
Blood. Jyuushirou quickly wiped it off Shunsui's chin, folding the cloth so that the blood couldn't be seen. He didn't want to worry Shunsui too much, but his hands were shaking at the sight. He was used to hacking up blood himself, but not to see the one he loved do so. Shunsui had always been the stability in his world, and seeing him this weak was like loosing your very foundation.
This was working quickly! What kind of disease was this? Was it really a curse? If so, it was the worst one so far.
"It's okay. You're coughing up blood, but it's not too bad. Just rest, okay? Concentrate to breathe." Jyuushirou said, not wanting to lie to his lover, but forcing the panic away by pure will.
Jyuushirou tried to smile. Is this how you feel each time, Shunsui? Helpless? Of no use? It was a terrible feeling, not being able to do anything more then just sit there, hoping it would be alright. Praying, begging that this was all just another game and that Shunsui would be perfectly alright.
"Don't speak. I'm going to prop you up on some pillows from the couch to help you breathe. It's not good to lie down completely when coughing. You could c-choke." Ignoring that his voice failed him at the last word, he checked the computer again for any clues on what to do. Then he turned it off, not daring to see more misery broadcasted over the network. People he knew were sick... he wanted to help them, but he was torn from the thought of choosing between the person he loved and the people he called family.
Putting the thermometer in Shunsui's mouth, both to take his temperature and to keep him quiet, he gently ran his fingers through his hair in a soothing manner.
Please be okay. How could I live without you?
---
Shunsui's eyes widened slightly. Blood…? Oh. He knew the taste of it, he really shouldn't have been surprised. Oh, god, Juu, he wanted to say, worried more than ever that he could be passing the sickness on without even knowing it Don't get sick...please. If this sort of thing could make a normally healthy man like Shunsui cough up blood, who knows how bad it would be for him.
The way Juushirou's voice wavered on that last word was not lost by Shunsui. He knew only too well what the other must be feeling. He wanted to say something, anything to make him smile again - not the fake smile that Juushirou was giving him, but a real one. He opened his mouth to speak, but the other man had taken that opportunity to place a thermometer there, so it would have to wait.
Shunsui closed his eyes, the pain slightly soothed by the hand running through his hair. He would have to remember that. It seemed to work.
---
Taking the thermometer from Shunsui's mouth when it beeped, and he gave it one look before he got up to get some ice from the freezer.
"I don't care if Isane is busy, Shun. You're in pain..." That wasn’t true. Of course he didn’t want to wear the woman down, but he was also far too worried. The argument felt rather ridiculous - it was just like he used to say. The roles really were reversed and every pained look from Shunsui made his heart bleed. Was it this painful for Shunsui too, when watching him being sick like this?
"...do you always worry this much when I'm sick? God, Shun, I feel useless. Is there anything I can do? I'll make some of that tea they always force me to drink."
---
The thermometer now removed, Shunsui was somewhat curious what the numbers had said, but Juushirou's face told him it was too high. He didn't have the heart to ask.
He understood that feeling. The helplessness. The anxiety. The waiting. He also knew that there was not much to be done about it... but even now, Juushirou came first in his mind. It always made Shunsui feel better when he had something to do. He would do whatever it took to see that smile again.
"Tea sounds nice. They must... have a reason for giving it to you," he said, sounding breathless. "...but no, don't call Isane... if it's all over the city--"
More coughing. More blood and a sensation of drowning. He wiped his chin roughly with his hand before continuing. "...she'll need to take care of other people too..."
He watched as Juushirou stood and heard him rummaging through the freezer - probably to get ice. Must be a pretty high fever then...damn. Part of him idly wondered how he could have such a high fever when he was so cold... but he'd seen it happen to Juushirou too. Shunsui wondered if he had enough strength to reach for the other blanket... he would give it a try at least, while his lover's back was turned...
---
"But what if you-" Jyuushirou stopped himself sighed. He couldn't think like that. Not now. He had to be positive, right? Besides, the healers would be needed out there, if people were this sick....
Without a sound, he stood up to take the water off the stove and make some of the medicated tea for Shunsui. When he turned back, he saw his lover reach out for the other blanket. Bringing the tea and ice to him, he then pushed Shunsui back in bed and pulled the other blanket over him.
He felt like he was going to split inside out of worry - not only for Shunsui, but for the other people, too. Rukia, Kiyone... Isshin, Matsumoto, Hinamori... everyone. The children... God, what was this? A sick joke? He had not seen this in centuries, and all of the sudden something that looked like the plague just swooshed in over the city? What was the purpose?
He used another cloth to clean up Shunsui again, and then placed the cloth in his hand so that he had something to cough in to... at least as long as he had the strength to cover his own mouth. Stroking his hair again, he gave him a shaky smile. "We'll get through this. We've fought so many battles together. This can't beat you." He mumbled, so very tired and worn out himself after the battle, having taken such a hit.
---
The second blanket only minimally helped the cold sensation, and Shunsui regretted having moved. He shut his eyes tightly against the pain and growing queasy feeling... it was a moment before he got it to calm down.
Shunsui opened his eyes wearily and smiled back as best he could in reassurance. It was true, this illness might not be the end of him yet... but it saddened him to think that Juushirou would probably suffer the same fate - even worse, in fact.
He tried not to think about it. He tried not to think about the fact that he could be killing his lover by simply being in the same room. For the moment, he accepted the cloth and tucked it into his palm.
"Yare, yare..." He said, trying to sit up more so that he could drink the tea. "...this is some... backwards mess, isn't it?"
Then remembering again that he hated being idle whenever he was in the same position, he said; "...do we still have some aspirin?" His head still hurt after all... in fact... his whole body did. It was at least a practical excuse to keep Juushirou busy.
---
"Careful." Jyuushirou said, helping him to sit up. He held the tea out to him, ready to help him drink it too, if needed.
"...it really is. I don't understand this, Shun. What is the meaning? Is it a curse?" He looked at his lover and sighed. "At first... god, I almost thought I had infected you with my disease. It broke my heart." He said, brown eyes meeting Shunsui's grey. "It was always my greatest fear when we were young."
At the question if they still had any aspirin, Jyuushirou turned to look trough the box of medications he had picked out earlier. He took out a pack of aspirin. "We do. Be careful, though. It thins the blood." He didn't have the heart to tell him they usually didn't help much against the pain. They were, however, effective against fever, so he took out two, holding them out together with the tea.
"If you start feeling dizzy... or if things seem to slip out of focus and go all strange, tell me, okay? I hope this will take the fever down a bit." He said seriously, as he poured ice in one of the clean cloths and tied it together, making a makeshift ice pack to put on Shunsui’s forehead.
---
"I'm already dizzy," he muttered before he could stop himself.
Already half-sitting, Shunsui accepted the aspirin first and then the tea, making a face as he swallowed. His hands were shaking horribly; he didn't like that. It was difficult to feel like you didn't have any control over your own body.
"...yuck. That's what I've been making you drink?" He sighed, which turned into another series of coughs, and he had to put the tea down on the table if he didn't want to spill it. He wiped his mouth with the cloth Juushirou had handed him earlier, and noted that the tea wasn't sitting well in his stomach either. He subconsciously placed a hand on his midsection, looking a little green, but continued focusing on conversation. It was a welcome distraction.
"...well...I don't think this is the same thing," he said, giving another weak smile. "I would have been sick ages ago... were you really... that scared?" He paused, taking in a wheezy breath. "...you never said anything."
Shunsui hoped the aspirin wouldn't take long to work. He tried to remember how long it usually took before Juushirou started looking better after taking some, but found that his memory only told him that it had seemed too long at times.
---
"It's not so bad... once you get used to it." Jyuushirou said with a slight smile, though it appeared a bit stiff in his worried and rather ashen face. "I'll make some real tea as well, even though I know you don't like it."
He noticed Shunsui put a hand on his stomach and he wondered if he was feeling queasy. Perhaps he should find a bucket too... just in case.
"Yes. But I knew it wouldn't have kept you away anyway. Besides, the doctors told me I wasn't contagious... even if I still thought I was every time you sneezed." The white-haired shinigami sighed. During all their centuries together, they had faced all kinds of dangers and hardships - and made it through alive. Here in this city, things were much more different. It scared him, because he felt like everything was unknown grounds. There was so much more frustration.
Reaching out, he took Shunsui's hand again, just holding it. Wanting him to know that he was there - and knowing, himself, that Shunsui still was there as well. He wanted to find a healer, but at the look of things, he doubted it would even help. There had been doctors around when he had looked at the computer, but he remembered the doctors of the Black Death and would rather avoid them, instead.
---
"...damn right I would have stayed with you anyway..."
Shunsui switched the hand holding Juushirou's so that he could take the tea again. It didn't taste great, but his lover had made it for him - and used some of his own medical herbs in it, which weren't exactly easy to come by. He made a face as it went down, as much as he tried not to. He only managed a few sips before putting it down again. Then he leaned back heavily against the pillows.
He hadn't been this sick in a long time. Actually, I don't think I've ever been this sick..., he realized after a moment. The thought scared him; and for the first time it hit him that he really could die from this, couldn't he? Fear finally filtered onto his features, as much as he tried to hold it back.
"...Is this...what it's like for you?" He asked his lover, giving his hand a weak squeeze. "...are you always this afraid of..." He trailed off; he couldn't bring himself to say the words 'dying'. Whether for himself or for Juushirou, he didn't know. Speaking had left him somewhat breathless, and each short gasp for air pained him. He tried to ignore it.
---
"Every time." Jyuushirou said, his voice sounding dead, eyes full of sorrow and worry as he looked at the man in the bed. "But you give me strength to go on. You, my division, everything I love and hold dear." He put one hand over Shunsui's, holding it to his cheek, noticing how warm the other still was.
Once more, he begged that this was only a curse, a game. It truly was not good, and Jyuushirou's heart felt like it was shattering into little pieces. Shunsui really was sick. Very, very sick - and that scared him more then anything else. Because he knew the feeling, he knew the fight for air, the deliriousness from the fever, the never-ending pain that deteriorated your very sanity....and when it was as worst, the silent, subconscious wishes for it all to just end.
It was nothing he wished even his greatest enemy. Even less his closest friend., the person he loved.
"I'm here." He said softly, squeezing back around Shunsui's hand. "Of all the hundred, thousands of times you've taken care of me, now it's my turn." He lifted the hand and kissed the back of it. Not even wild horses or the mind-numbing worrying about Orihime and everyone else that he held dear could drag him away now. Please be okay.
Some morbid thought in the back of his head told him that where ever this might lead, he'd soon follow anyway; because this kind of illness was more then contagious, and he had the uncanny ability to get serious pneumonia when someone else just had the sniffles.
"Don't speak, Shun. It's not good if you strain yourself. Just... just breathe." He said, removing the ice for now, since it was melting. He replaced it with a wet cloth instead. "You should try and rest a little...."
---
He wanted to rest. He really did. It would have been easy to close his eyes, as comfortable as he was ever going to get, with Juushirou by his side. But there was a chance that this wasn't just a bad curse, and that he could very well die. He didn't want to waste a minute of his time. Once again he wondered how he could have gotten so sick so fast... wondering again if it was something the Arrancar did to him. But... it was useless to think about it.
"...and how often...do you listen to me, when I say the same thing?" He reached out to find Juushirou's hand again, which was now a little cooler from handing the ice. "Besides, I'm not that... ti--"
Shunsui gasped once, then fell into another fit of coughing, he could feel blood pooling in his throat. He wanted to sit up to spit it out, but his body wouldn't cooperate. There was no air to be had. It was in a word - frightening. It was scary not to know if you wouldn't be able to take another breath. How often is it, Juushirou, that you feel this way?
---
It was not often he listened to Shunsui when he came to that, he had to admit it.
Jyuushirou's eyes widened as the other started to cough and he bent forward over him, grabbing his shoulders, trying to calm his coughing down; trying to make him calm down and not try to drag air down to quickly and make it all much worse. He didn't care about the blood, even though he got it all over his clothes. It was bad. Very, very bad.
"Shunsui! Look at me! Breathe, slowly. Don't panic. Breathe. It's okay... it's okay." It was not okay. God, he knew the pain and the utter terror, the fear of death digging itself straight into your heart. He knew it wouldn't help him breathe much, but he wrapped his arms around his lover and pushed his head to his chest. "Listen to my heart beat. Concentrate on it, and try to breathe calmly, even if you can't."
---
Shunsui was out of his own ideas, so he obeyed Juushirou without question. He forced himself to slow down, even if his lungs were screaming at him to take in more air. It was a few moments before he finally stopped, panting and wheezing and utterly drained, leaning against Juushirou's chest.
He grimaced at the amount of blood that was on his lover's clothing, and it was still dripping a little from his mouth. Wiping at his chin with his hand, he pushed away gently, to signal that he was all right. For now, anyway...
He leaned back against the pillows again; a little too exhausted to do much but grab the other man's hand in reassurance and close his eyes, far too dizzy and light-headed to think straight. God, how much blood have I lost? Between the arrancar fight and this? He had fleeting notion that he would just try to keep it all in... but then he realized how silly that was and knew it must be because he was so feverish.
---
"Rest." Jyuushirou said, though his face had about the same color as his hair. He was shocked and rather frightened. Not even he coughed up that much blood without stressing himself physically to the point where is body completely broke, or when having been sick for a long. long time - this was a matter of hours. It really, truly was the plague then. Why now? Why here? Why, in general?
A part of him didn't want his lover to sleep, in terror that he'd never wake up, but the other part knew that he had to, or there was no chance at all that he'd get better. He had to get better - this curse had to be a joke. As worried as he was about Shunsui, he was also terrified that his friends and the people he called family might be going through this as well. It made him shake slightly and he had to take a few deep breaths to calm down. This place was wearing him down.
Strangely enough, he felt fine, physically - sans the weariness and pain from the battle yesterday. Mentally, on the other hand, he felt his own mind breaking slowly into a heap of 'I'm such a hypocrite', followed by 'don't die' and 'why can't I do anything, he's in pain' and ending with ‘…’. If this was what Shunsui felt on the days when he was really sick and fighting for his life... then it was terrible.
---
Even now, Shunsui couldn't help but notice how pale Juushirou had become, or that he was shaking and purposely taking deep breathes. He'd learned how to watch out for such things even in his sleep. "Hey..." he said, voice hoarse and quiet. "...are you okay?"
It could just have been nerves - god knows Shunsui had had his panic attacks from time to time when it was Juushirou who was in this position - but there was also the possibility that whatever it was that was plaguing him was now turning to attack his lover.
He paused to cough once, with a splatter of blood. "...do you feel sick?"
His voice was soft as he said it, both from weariness and the fear of the answer. It wouldn't be a surprise, but it would be heartbreaking. Juushirou would die.
Please tell me no. Please...
---
He looked down at Shunsui, hugging him close and then gently shook his head, strands of white hair falling from his shoulders as he did. "No." He said, voice soft and reassuring. "I feel fine. Better then in quite a while, actually. I'm just..."
He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, calming himself down more. "I'm just scared, Shunsui. I'm so afraid that I can't breathe. I've fought thousands of hollows in my life and I battle death on a regular basis. It doesn't scare me. But you, being this sick... it's the most frightening thing ever. I don't want to lose you."
He gave a slight laugh, but it almost sounded like choked sob. "I'm just being silly..."
---
Shunsui shook his head slightly, then winced as it only served to make him dizzy and nauseous. But he managed to speak anyway. "It's not silly," he said, knowing only too well the feeling. "It's... natural, I think... to be that scared when... it's someone you love." He panted a little from speaking, but he was more careful now not to overdo it.
He closed his eyes as he was held, he took strength from it, and Juushirou was either going to get sick or not at this point. Contact wasn't an issue anymore.
---
"Sssh. Don't speak. Rest, it’s getting late." Jyuushirou mumbled as he shifted his position a little so that he could hold Shunsui close in his arms. He held him there for a moment and then carefully moved them both so that he could hold his upper body in his lap, arms resting around his shoulders. He was careful not to obstruct Shunsui's breathing in any way.
"Rest, get well." He said, placing a kiss on the other man's head. Right now, he was pretty convinced that if this was just not a normal - but disgusting and terrible - curse, they'd both be dead in the morning. There was no chance that he wouldn't get infected as well; not with his pretty much non-existent immune system. But at least it would be them both...
He closed his eyes again, all of the worry making his head spin and creating morbid thoughts. He was not only worrying about Shunsui, but everyone else too, but he didn't dare to look at the computer again. If people had died... he didn't think he could take that right now. Never having been very good at handling the death of his loved one – exhibit A, Kaien – he didn't desire to lose his mind in the midst of everything as well.
He had to be here for Shunsui. Hugging him close, Jyuushirou sighed a little.
Breathe, please. Continue doing so for a long time. Centuries, at least.
---
Shunsui closed his eyes as he was shifted around, trying his best to hide his discomfort - he wanted it, after all. And when the room stopped spinning and his stomach stopped churning it was perfect. At least, as perfect as this sort of situation could get. He looked up at his long time friend and lover, wishing that he could somehow take the worry away - but from experience he knew this was impossible.
"At least... we're together, right?" He managed to rasp out before coughing again. He covered his mouth with the cloth but thankfully there was little blood. I wonder how much I have left in me?
He shifted a little, trying to turn onto his side so he could lay his ear against Juushirou's chest, and listen to him breathing. His lover had said he was all right, but Shunsui just wanted to make sure.
Finding only a clear sound from the other man, Shunsui relaxed and found his eyes closing of their own accord. He forced them open again... he didn't really want to sleep... but Juushirou was right. If he was to get better rest was the only solution.
"Juu-chan... I'm tired... I'm not dead, I promise... just sleeping... okay?"
---
"Hai..." Jyuushirou replied, pulling the covers up higher around Shunsui. He ignored the fact that the other man was much heavier then he was, and that the healed wounds and soreness from yesterdays battle was bugging him. It meant nothing right now. "Just sleep..."
Running his hands trough Shunsui's hair in an attempt to sooth him and allow him to sleep, he listened to his strained breaths. The scent of blood and illness seemed strong in the small room and he knew it all too well. Please be safe. You, Rukia, Kiyone... everyone. How could I go on without you?
Not caring about the fact that the dead really didn't die in this world - it still worried him more then anything. He didn't want to get trapped here, and neither did he want Shunsui to be. It just didn't feel right.
"I love you." He whispered, voice full of sadness and affection. He loved him, and this was going to be just fine. Right?
---
A mumbled ‘I love you, too’ escaped Shunsui's lips before he drifted off, sleep coming to easily from having resisted it for so long. He slept fitfully, turning and shifting uncomfortably in Juushirou's arms, waking only to hack up more blood on occasion, then dozing off again, face screwed up in pain.
He dreamed of home, back in Seireitei, where it was Juushirou who was dying in his arms, the blood coming to fast for him, until finally he was still. The scene played over and over, only interrupted when Shunsui woke up gasping for breath, looking up at Juushirou and temporarily reassured that his lover was very much alive - even if the situation seemed just as dire.
He didn't know which he preferred less - dying and knowing that Juushirou would be left behind, likely to die himself, or having his oldest friend die in his arms, in the quiet and comfort of the ugendou, where at least they were home...
---
He sat silent with Shunsui in his arms, helping him when he coughed, calming him when he shifted and turned in his sleep. He had blood on his cheek from one cough attack and didn't even care to remove it, all his attention on the man in his lap. What WAS this? It was so quick, so terribly bad and it reminded him far too much about his own illness. He could, when listening closely, hear the coughs and wails of other people in the temple. It made him hold Shunsui closer, as if he was afraid the man would be taken form him if he didn't.
He imagined him leaving him, dying here in his arms over and over again, and the thought wore him down to a state where he really couldn't think any more, stunned and heartbroken and so very afraid for the life of man he loved.
Hours passed as he sat there, almost frozen in shock. It came close to midnight, and Jyuushirou couldn't keep awake for much longer, his mental state having suffered too much from all the worrying and sheer panic inside him. He closed his eyes and nodded off just as the new day began, still sitting with Shunsui in his arms, but his head hung, hair covering his face and some of Shunsui's as well.
---
Something tickled Shunsui's face and neck, he instinctively reached out to brush the sensation away, but finding that the offending something would not leave, he opened his eyes slowly. Juushirou's face was above his, hair hanging down loosely and Shunsui realized what had been annoying him... but something seemed wrong about the situation. The lights were on, for one, and the two of them usually didn't sleep like this.
In an instant, the day's events came rushing back. Shunsui panicked, and reached out with both hands now to hold Juushirou's cheeks, one of which was splattered with blood. No... please no... I did it. I've killed him...
"Juushirou!" he couldn't stop himself from shouting. He had thought at least... that he'd be gone first, after this...
---
Jyuushirou opened his eyes as Shunsui grabbed his cheeks and then jolted slightly in surprised at the shout. "Wh-what?" He asked, staring at him sleepily. Then he remembered how sick Shunsui was and his stomach felt like a back void of fear.
"How are you feeling? Are you in pain?" He asked, thinking that was why the man screamed his name like that. It had sounded painful to him.
---
"Are you de--"
Stupid question. Shunsui heaved a sigh in relief. And found his breathing strangely clear. He hadn't noticed it when he first woke up... but then, he had been panicked. He took another deep breath to check the state of things.
"I... feel fine, actually..." He felt way too good considering he had been hardly able to breathe a few hours ago. He turned his attention back to his lover. "Are you all right? Did you get sick?"
---
"Oh thank god." Jyuushirou said, hugging him close. "It was just a curse... just a curse." It took him a while to register what the other had said and he finally replied while holding Shunsui close.
"And I'm not dead... I feel fine. Just... very, very tired." He said honestly, since the worry had taken its toll on him. He sighed with relief and gave Shunsui a shaky smile. He was safe. Safe, and not in pain any more. "I'm so happy you're okay..."
He had not cried since the night after Kaien died, but after all this stress, the battle and the fear, the loss and all the damage his pride had taken, the relief that washed over him made it impossible for him to hold it back. Too proud to even let the person closest to him see him that weak; he hid the tears by turning his head away from him. "Let's not repeat that, please."
---
Shunsui sat up, turning and rearranging himself so that he was holding Juushirou, rather than the other way around. He could tell that his lover was crying even if he tried to hide it. He held Juushirou's head against his chest, stroking his hair in an attempt to be comforting.
It must have been scary, right Juu? You must have been worried out of your mind... I know it...
"I'm sorry," he said, though he did not know quite why. "But everything is okay now. I'm fine. You're fine. We're all fine, I'm sure... just a curse."
He stayed in that position for a few more moments, before sitting back down. It would be best for both of them to sleep now; Juushirou's body didn't handle stress well, and he could become ill for real rather easily if he didn't rest now. Shunsui was also a little tired, he had to admit - the sleep he had gotten wasn't restful at all.
---
"Why are you apologizing? It wasn't your fault." Jyuushirou said, looking at him. "I should apologize. For worrying you in this way, over and over again. Now I know how it feels..."
He closed his eyes, wiping away the last tears discreetly. "It feels like every cough, all the pain I see you in makes me die a little inside..."
---
Shunsui didn't like that phrasing, but didn't say as much. He took the moment to stand and strip himself down to his fundoshi. His yukata would have to be replaced.
"And now I know what it feels like too..." He said rather flatly. "I don't get sick often, sometimes I forget..." He shook his head, he didn't want to think about that right now. They were both alive and well, albeit tired.
He glanced down at the bloody futon and blankets. They would have to be washed...but it could wait. He walked to the wall to shut off the lights, without asking. Then knelt back down beside his lover, and holding him tightly once more. "Let's go to bed all right? Here…" He said, pushing one of the blankets over to him, "...this one's got less blood on it..."
---
"Hai... I hope - no, I beg that everyone else is alright too..." He said, leaning to Shunsui as the other man came back to bed. "Maybe I should look... Inoue-san..." Truth to be told, he almost didn't dare look. More scares like this, and he wouldn't be able to get out of bed for weeks. While he was usually a strong man mentally, hardened by centuries - millennia - of battle and hardships, of fighting his own illness, these days had just been too much for him.
It had made him feel so helpless. All of it.
"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked, though he had seen the other walk around and seeming quite himself. Even his skin didn't feel hot any more, which helped to assure him that the fever really was gone...
---
He knew the feeling. He knew how much his lover needed to be reassured... there were days when Shunsui would ask the exact same thing, after seeing that first smile that given to him after a long episode of sickness. Sometimes, it was just hard to believe, after something so serious.
"Juushirou," he said, quite seriously, kneeling up straighter so that the other man's ear was pressed against his chest. "...just listen."
He breathed, slowly, deeply, and clearly. Staying put for a few moments so Juushirou could get a good chance to hear it for himself.
"I'm okay," he said honestly. "And I'm sure everyone else is too... if it wasn't a curse, I don't think I'd be feeling this good right now, don't you think?"
---
Jyuushirou listened to the other breathe, hearing how clear it sounded. He smiled a little and nodded slightly, keeping his head rested on Shunsui’s chest for a while longer, just to feel him breathe. "You're right. I'm just... you know..." Scared. Worried. Paranoid. Useless.
"I'll visit everyone tomorrow... just to make sure..." He lay down in bed and sighed again, pulling the not-so-bloody cover over himself. He wasn't sure how on earth he'd be able to sleep, even if his body screamed for rest. He had nightmares already, and he was still awake.
He turned to that he could look at Shunsui, feeling like there had been something precious shattered after this curse; regret, anxiety and fear still had his heart in a grip. He, who was usually calm and kind and liked to joke with people now felt hollow. The failure in the arrancar battle didn't make it better.
It will go away once I know that everyone is safe... we have to make a new plan.
---
"Yes," said Shunsui, laying down beside his lover and joining him under the least soiled of the blankets. "I do know."
He worried too. He was worrying a little at this very moment; stress like that was never good for anyone, let alone someone with frail health. Shunsui turned on his side and draped one arm lightly over Juushirou's midsection under the covers, and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, wondering idly if any blood was still stuck to his beard. It was dark, and he couldn't tell. And he'd rather not know.
"Tomorrow we can check. I'll go with you," he said, giving a small sigh. "Please sleep now, even if it's hard. I don't want you to get sick for real... but I am glad for one thing... I'm glad you were lucky this time, and didn't get hit with it. I'm glad it was me instead."
---
"Don't... say that, Shunsui." Jyuushirou said, looking at him. "But I'll try to sleep. I'm just afraid that all I'll see is you dying, and I'm not sure if my mind could take that right now." He sighed, ignoring the fact that the bed still smelled of sweat, blood and sickness, and closed his eyes.
He kept one arm on Shunsui's chest, hand resting right over his heart, so he could both feel it beat and feel his chest rise with each breath.
He had prided himself to be stronger then this and that pride had taken a deathly strike these few days. Jyuushirou didn’t know if it would recover. He'd always said he was not afraid of death, even if he didn't wish it - but he was terrified to lose those he cared about. He was terrified of failing.
---
"Sleep," he instructed, placing his own hand on top of Juushirou's on his chest. "Things will be better tomorrow... and I'm right here. I'll be here when you open your eyes, alive and well. Don't worry."
No, he said to himself, that's my job.
"I love you, Juushirou. Goodnight."