Log; complete

[lisped.livejournal.com]

When; November 2nd
Rating; PG
Characters; Nel [lisped] & Ichigo [strawberried]
Summary; Wounded, little!Nel hunts down the only person she knows she can trust without fail.
Log;

Her mask hurt. It was the only thing she knew, the only thing she was aware of as she clung pitifully to the white bone that covered her head, the stained and far too large shirt she'd found herself in, and the white sheets that she had surrounded herself in. Well- They had been white, at least. Now they were white with blood stains, like the shirt, and the small arrancar could only barely recollect that it had been Nnoitra, kicking her, beating her, making her bleed.

She could barely remember a lot of things. She knew Dondo Chakker and Pesshe weren't there, and that made this all the more depressing, made Nel curl up that little bit more, tighten her grip on her mask more, whimper and sob more. She wanted her brothers, wanted the blood gone, the pain gone, to not be where she was - not that she knew exactly where it was - to be anything but the curled up ball of blood and tears and a little snot and spit. She wanted Ichigo, but she didn't know who that was, and she had no idea why she'd run - toddled and fell a lot - to this of all places, or why she'd chosen this bed to hide in. Nel just knew that being here was better than not, as safe as being with her brothers.

Not that it was calming her any, the small arrancar still sobbing and tugging at her mask as if that would stop the crack in it from hurting so. It was pitiful and cowardly of her, but she didn't have anyone to help her this time, no adoptive brothers to take care of her, nothing at all. She whimpered.

Being alone and like this was terrifying her as much as Nnoitra had.

Ichigo knew something was wrong the moment he walked through the door. Tiny drops of blood littered the carpet under his feet, a breadcrumb trail to the bedroom, and he immediately slipped his bag from his shoulder, following the trail. His first thought was not a happy one, a thousand scenarios crossing his mind, and he cursed under his breath, nearly running into the bedroom.

He almost didn't recognize her, Nel, curled up in the bed, sheets stained with far more blood than he liked to see. The first thing he noticed was her size, the travel sized Nel he was used to toting around in Hueco Mundo, and he had to wonder how she could've reverted back to that form when it wasn't even her true one. But with all the blood, it wasn't too hard to guess. He cursed softly again.

"Nel?" he hazarded, not caring at all about the blood as he sat down on the edge of the bed. She looked terrified, he could recognize that, shaking slightly as she clung to the fractured mask on top of her head, and he remembered that the last time this happened, she didn't exactly come out with all her memories. What if she forgot him?

The thought saddened him more than he wanted to admit.

Reaching out a hand, he pulled back some of the sheets, revealing an even more bloodstained Nel. "What happened?"

She almost jumped at the shift of weight on the bed, tightened her grip on her mask as the sheets were pulled away, whimpered. Her voice was almost a whisper, punctuated with sobbing gasps for air, "Nel-" What?

"Nel-" She gulped, another whimper escaping her as her small fists started to tug on the mask. "It hurtth." That was right, wasn't it? Her mask hurt. Her head hurt. There had to be pain, there was blood, it made sense. But why did anyone care? Her brothers weren't in this place, arrancar looked down on her, Aizen didn't care-

...So why was someone here?

"Nel got hurt." Was it the Ichigo she wanted? She didn't dare look, half afraid Nnoitra had sent someone to finish her off, half afraid someone was hungry, half afraid- Fully afraid. Nel had to admit that to herself.

Ichigo nearly snatched his hand back as she jumped, careful to keep his movements slow and calculated from now on. She didn't remember him, then. His shoulders slumped.

"Who did this?" he asked without thinking, his voice sharper than it should've been. No doubt it was Nnoitra. He was gonna kill that bastard.

"I mean, I'm Ichigo. I'll help you," he added. Frowning, he got to his feet to find a clean towl, or something he could use to clean her up. His medical knowledge was limited, but growing up with a clinic under his bedroom taught him a few things. He could clean and dress her wounds just as well as any nurse. A nurse named Karin or Yuzu.

Ichigo. Her hand shot out to grab him, uncurling slightly with the movement. "Ithigo?" Her vision swum slightly but she knew that orange hair, knew the voice, but still... Shinigami, right?

The small arrancar crawled forward to the edge of the bed, tugging again on her mask. Not because it helped, and certainly not because she wanted the additional burst of pain, but because doing so reminded her that at least it was still there, at least she had it. "Ithigo- Don't leave Nel. Don't go." She was nearly crying again, desperate for someone, anyone, her brothers most of all but Ichigo- Ichigo. He'd been in Los Noches, he'd defended her, saved her. Wasn't that right?

Ichigo sat down immediately again when she repeated his name -- he hoped that was recognition. He really, really hoped it was. Reaching out his hands, he pulled her against his chest and placed one on top of her mask, a familiar gesture, softened a little because he didn't want to hurt her.

"I won't. I promise," he said, almost sighing in relief. She hadn't changed. Well, she had, and just when he'd gotten used to her normal form. Not that it really mattered; Nel acted like the same Nel he knew, just a little... older, maybe.

"Let's clean you up," he murmured, and carried her into the bathroom.

"Where ith Nel?" It wasn't Los Noches, she remembered that. It wasn't the Living World, because everyone here could see her. Couldn't they?

She moved her hands from the mask to his shirt, guiltily aware she was smearing blood over him but unwilling to worry about it. It seemed insignificant. "Nel- Nel'th thcared, Ithigo. It really hurtth." But she was safe now, she knew that much. He said he'd help, and despite knowing he was a shinigami, she trusted that. Believed that. Wanted it to be true.

"You don't remember?" he asked, unable to help the hint of anxiety in his voice. Damn. Dammit. She was supposed to remember. "This is the City," he supplied, his heart in his throat. "You've been here for a while."

He wrapped an arm around her, holding her against his chest as he threw a towel into the sink, wetting it as well as he could with one hand. With a thoughtful frown, he dabbed the edge against her brow, wiping away the blood dripping down her face and revealing an angry bruise. The urge to kill Nnoitra increased.

"Where does it hurt?"

Nel winced slightly, but managed a small smile. He was taking care of her. "With you and Cal and Alec and Pup?" Names. The City had been fun. Away from the arrancar for the most part, safe, time with Ichigo. Her head was still a little woozy, but the look on his face was enough to make her want to remember. Not that she'd forgotten anything - to her knowledge - just that she was being slow about it. It was excusable, of course it was!

And this was making up for what she could remember about the day beforehand.

"My mathk. That'th what hurtth." The small arrancar reached up tentatively, small fingers brushing against his cheek. "...Doethn't yourth ever hurt?"

Ichigo almost winced himself, quickly pulling the towel away from her head, his brows threading together in concern. He couldn't help but worry, as much as he hated to admit it; he never stopped worrying about her, even when she was big enough to protect herself. Hell, even in this form she could dish out the abuse.

Temporary amnesia, his mind pointed out as she rattled off names. Just temporary, and he was relieved in a way he didn't know he could be. "Yeah. Yeah, that's it."

Nodding, he began wiping the blood from her face again as gently as he could, avoiding the edges of her mask. Her question took him off guard though, and he paused in his ministrations, head bowing and gaze averting. Yes, he could say, but he wouldn't. He pressed his lips together.

"How does it hurt?" he said instead, finally, rubbing out a spot of blood on her cheek.

She watched him curiously, like a child inspecting a new toy almost, but not - she knew him. Better than she knew the other people she'd mentioned at least. Slow, slow, slow, the small arrancar berated herself. Silly trashy bug of an arrancar, right? Always in the way. But- "Where were you?"

He had been there, she remembered. The huge desert where the sea used to be, a curse day. And Nnoitra. Hurting him.

And then just her and no such desert. And her mask.

"The crack." It had always hurt in some way, ever since she'd first come to her senses in Hueco Mundo. A constant reminder of something she had no knowledge of. "Pethe thaid Nel'th alwayth had it. Like Nel'th thcar." Her brothers, if they had been here would Ichigo still be taking care of her? Or would they see to it themselves? She knew they had to be angry at her for running off in the first place, all that talk of having fun and wanting to be with the shinigami, and then she'd gone and left them behind. But Pesshe had always tried hard to keep her happy.

Nel wiped furiously at her eyes. "Where did you go?" she pressed, returning to her original question. Had Nnoitra taken her somewhere else to finish? But Ichigo seemed unharmed. It was confusing her, and she gave the mask another tug in near frustration. "Why did Nel- Why doeth he thtill think Nel ith an Ethpada?"

Ichigo scowled, only half hearing her question, only giving it half the thought it deserved, the other half of his mind busily cleaning her off. He couldn't find out what she meant by it, the connections not quite making it, exacerbated by the fact that he was distracted. Before he could figure it out, she answered his question, and he'd forgotten what he was figuring out by the time he craned his neck up to inspect her mask.

It looked the same as it ever was, and he sighed softly, dropping the bloody towel into the sink. "Yeah, Pesshe was right." He hardly knew what he was saying anymore -- of course he'd never know, but it seemed like the right thing to say, and he'd never been very good with this whole comforting thing. His dad called it a horrible bedside manner. Ichigo wondered why he even entertained thoughts of becoming a doctor, if he hated people but still wanted to help them.

Not that he hated Nel, but that didn't seem to make much difference. When her eyes turned misty, he found himself at a loss with what to do, as if she were any ordinary stranger. It was easier turning his thoughts back to the question.

"What d'you mean, where was I?" Where was he, anyway? Not protecting her. That ached, too. Good, another question.

"I don't know," he said quietly, though he knew perfectly well why. He could hate himself right now, if he didn't think she wasn't better off not knowing. "Do you remember what he did to you?"

She shook her head, immediately regretting the movement. Wincing, she grabbed at her mask again. If she didn't have it, then it wouldn't hurt. But if she didn't have it, then she wouldn't be Nel. Assuming she wanted to be Nel at all. But Nel had friends and Nel had fun and Nel was rarely lonely. And Nel got to be with Ichigo.

The toddler dropped her hands, moving to nuzzle against him. He was here now, at least. "You dithappeared. Nnoitra wath attacking you, but then it wath jutht uth." The now had to matter more than the past. Memory was questionable some times. Like right now. "Nel'th head really hurt." She clung a little tighter, burying her face from view. "...He attacked Nel and thaid all the thingth he thaid before."

Ichigo gingerly wrapped an arm around her in a hug, but even to him the gesture felt awkward. In a weird way, he was glad she'd snuggled up against him, closing the distance so he didn't have to. He'd never had trouble before -- okay, that was a lie. He'd had less trouble before, between the time she'd started crawling into his bed (when he still thought she was a toddler, dammit) and the time she'd changed into a bigger, different-but-not-really Nel. He'd just gotten used to learning how to treat that Nel when she'd gone and shrunk again.

His head was starting to hurt -- echoing her sentiments, apparently.

"I didn't go anywhere," he said, trying to place the time he "disappeared." Did she really lose the whole chunk of time between when she'd transformed and when she'd transformed back? He supposed so. She must've really taken a beating to take a step back, and the guilt, it burned in the center of his chest. "I'm sorry, Nel."

The small girl stiffened slightly, glancing up at Ichigo. He had to have gone somewhere. Something must have happened to seperate them.

And he knew what it was.

She wanted to argue the point, but at the same time the entire thing seemed to be bothering him, and for his sake she dropped the conversation, leaning back into the hug. And then she kicked him.

"Don't thay thorry, ath." Nel didn't care about the things she couldn't change. In fact, true to the mask on her head and hole in her chest, she cared about rather little. But Ichigo was not 'rather little' and given the things he had done for her since she'd met him, she didn't mind that she did care about him. Or whatever it was that arrancar felt that was akin to caring. Right. She gave the once-white shirt a tug to keep it from falling - where her clothes were she did not know - and smiled tiredly. "It'th not your fault. Nel doethn't care, Nnoitra'th jutht an impotent baldy ath."

"Ow!" Ichigo winced, not expecting the kick at all, and Nel's kicks always hurt more than they looked. She'd gotten him right in the gut, too. He grumbled under his breath, shooting her a glare without much malice behind it. A glare for the sake of a glare.

He'd meant his apology, though, and a kick, however much it might've hurt, didn't do much to shake it. He pretended it bothered him less than it actually did, if only for Nel. His guilt and anger belonged to him -- it was his fault for letting this happen, for not protecting her when he'd promised he would. He'd promised.

"Alright, alright." He started pulling at her clothing, realizing that it was her old, adult-sized outfit, like a blanket on her smaller form. "Let's get you out of these clothes."

She wriggled, both under the glare and to help - though how helpful it was could be argued. She didn't like thinking she'd upset him by asking.

Not too sneakily as her arm was freed, she reached out, hand to his chest. There was a heartbeat, and she managed a huger smile than she had done so far as she looked up at him, helping push the mass of fabric away from her mask. Neither of them was dead, then. Or so she assumed- Well, that was a lie, she was dead. But not dead here. Still dead, but not dead.

...She'd just confused herself again. But the point was that Ichigo was okay, and that was what mattered. Oblivious to her now rather naked and still somewhat bloody state, she rested her head where her hand had been, content.

Aside from the growling she could feel in her stomach. Nel giggled, glancing up at her would-be protector and bath-giver. "Can Nel- Nel'th hungry."

Ichigo got her clothes off eventually, not seeing her state of undress so much as the blood, though by the looks of things, she'd forgotten all about it in favor of feeling his heartbeat. He didn't question it, barely even gave it a second thought, chalked it up to Nel being Nel, and Nel being attached to him. The kind of thought he never dwelled too long on for his own sanity's sake, since he didn't take to well with the idea of people caring about each other. Sure, other people could care about other people, as sappy as it was, but people didn't care about him, and he didn't care about people.

This was the kind of thing he told himself. However much his subconscious called him a liar.

Sitting her down on the edge of the sink, he started scrubbing at the blood caked on her with the wet towel, occasionally splashing her with a handful of sinkwater. Her levity was contagious and he tried hard not to grin, the furrow of his brow smoothing out in the closest relative to the smile he rarely showed.

"Okay," he said, setting the towel down in the sink again, his job done. "Let's, uh, get you some clothes first."

Nel gave as best as she got, splashing him back with every chance she got. Especially when he got near her hollow hole, unable to stifle her giggles at the more sensitive area. He seemed happier, and certainly most of her wounds had healed - in part because she'd somewhat drooled on herself and part because of the shift in size - leaving her to chose between focusing on the dull throb that was her head or the fact that Ichigo was here.

She chose Ichigo.

Raising her arms to show she wanted him to pick her up, she smiled widely at him, utterly unconcerned with her current state of undress. "You'll eat with Nel after Nel'th drethed? Milkthaketh would be nicthe."

"Hey, c'mon," he complained in thin annoyance, lifting up his much larger hand to shield him from her little splashes, only half successful. He found he didn't mind so much, wrapping a clean towel around her -- it seemed like the appropriate thing to do, because while she didn't seem to notice she was in her birthday suit, he did, and he remembered what she turned into when... not thinking about that. He thought of her like a little sister, even when she wasn't necessarily little, and he noted her... growth like an older brother noted his younger sister was, holy shit, pretty and he needed to kick the ass of any guy that looked at her the wrong way.

Mostly.

"Yeah, sure." He picked her up, automatically cradling her in his arms and carrying her into her bedroom. She had to have an extra sack somewhere, right?

The smaller arrancar was starting to think it was worth being beaten up, if only for the fact that being doted on and cared for like this was quite nice; much like the curse when Aizen had been made to follow all her orders. Not that she had to be beaten up to get this treatment, really.

But she did enjoy it, as much as petting Pup and playing with Alec and- She grinned, snuggling into the embrace. What was a little lost time? She was sure it would bother her, worry her, concern her, but if Ichigo was alright, what did she care? He was the reason she'd gone to Las Noches in the first place, she had known it would be dangerous, and those dangers had only carried over in the City. She was an arrancar, and she accepted that. Didn't like it, but really, who would?

Stifling a yawn, she nuzzled happily against his chest. Milkshakes would be good. Chocolate ones. With sprinkles. And chocolate chunks. And extra ice cream on the side... Her grin at this point was quite wide, and she tightened her small grip on Ichigo like a small hug. "Thank you."

Ichigo carried her into the bedroom, quietly riffling through the drawers, letting her cling to him where he wouldn't have in any other case. Nel -- the little version -- always tended to barnacle herself to him, but the difference was if she was holding onto him, or he was holding onto her. Even if he dropped his arms, she'd probably still stick to his chest like a starfish -- her holding onto him -- which would, normally, elicit a string of complaints.

Normally.

He stuffed her into a leftover sack, careful not to jostle around her mask too much, and, satisfied, toted her off to the kitchen next.

She pulled a face at his dressing effort, careful about remaining stuck to his side as much as helping him pull the excuse of a dress on. She knew he didn't appreciate her clingy nature, so that made this mean all the more to her. As much as she could care, anyway. Though she was fairly sure she cared more than she should. Or was just that bit odder in displaying her possessive nature.

...Odder. Definately.

"Nel will help!" She was feeling better, at the very least. She could ponder the true meaning of her nature after she'd been assured she was going to get to share the bed with him. And after the promised milkshakes. And maybe a movie. And- Yes. Fun things. That was what she wanted, more than anything. "Nel can mix the milk and ice cream!"

It was almost funny how steadfastly she fastened herself to him, if Ichigo had any sense of humor. Which he didn't. He merely grinned and beared it, only without the grin. Okay, many a tiny, almost nonexistent one he sure as hell wasn't going to let her see, even when she was so enthusiastic about helping him make milkshakes. Not rocket science, by any means, but his only concern right now was making sure she was okay, keeping her okay, and maybe kicking Nnoitra's ass once he was done with the former two.

"Okay," he said with that teeny smile, opening the fridge door and gathering their ingredients. Milk, ice cream, chocolate sauce. Lots of chocolate sauce. He set each of them on the counter, before setting Nel there as well. If she decided to let go of him.

Ice cream. Ichigo. Chocolate sauce. Ichigo. It was a tough decision, but she slipped her hands free and parked herself on the counter, grabbing the ice cream. It was a minor sacrifice, but he wasn't going anywhere.

Or so he said, and she held him to it.

Nel opened the tub without waiting, sticking a finger in and licking it off merrily. "Are you having one too?" she murmured, finger in mouth and puppy dog eyes in place. Sure, she could play cute. But this was - somewhat - unintentional.

"Yeah," Ichigo found himself saying automatically, half distracted by setting her down. Well, he couldn't really resist chocolate, after all. Or her big puppy eyes. He scooped ice cream out of the container, working around her fingers, and into the blender. Making milkshakes was like second nature nowadays -- he'd picked up a lot of things lately that he'd never thought he'd ever need to know.

The milk came next, then a generous helping of chocolate sauce until it was a big gooey mess. Perfect. Ichigo pat the top of her head gently.

She grinned up at him for the small show of affection, clean hand grabbing for his with a small giggle. Who cared about rank and strength? She had ice cream, she had chocolate syrup, and she had Ichigo. It helped that the small arrancar was also rather easy to appease.

And impatient at times. Releasing her 'favouritetht perthon ever', Nel got to her knees, crawling closer to the blender to sneak a taste.

"Oi, don't stick your hand in there yet," he said, grabbing her hand and clicking the blender on. It whirred away, and Ichigo leaned against the counter in the meantime, his gaze flickering over to Nel every once and while. With a frown, he turned off the blender and unplugged it, busying himself with getting glasses out of the cabinet and filling them with chocolate milkshake.

"What d'you wanna do?"

Nel pouted at the denial of her treat, settling instead on stealing the chocolate sauce and the rest of the ice cream. It was safe to say her fingers were rather sticky by the time the question was asked, and it took her a moment to swallow the mouthful of sauce she'd gotten.

What did she want to do, anyway? This was nice, but even she wasn't hungry enough to do this for hours. And she did want to stay awake for a while, to be with Ichigo. It was selfish - well, she was an arrancar - but Nel wanted no interruptions time with him. She wanted his attention. And - if it wasn't too much to ask - she wanted hugs.

Taking another lick of ice cream as she watched him, she thought about it, finally settling on an idea. "Movie," somehow came out between further licks of her very sticky fingers, eyes not leaving the glasses he was pouring.

Ichigo watched her eat out of the corner of his eye, carefully pouring out the milkshakes until the glasses were full to the brim. Then he slid a glass over to her, his eyes soft as he nodded.

"Movie," he repeated, taking a sip of his own milkshake, before picking her up again, holding her against his shoulder. If she wanted a movie, she'd get a movie. If she wanted his attention, she'd get it. Whatever she wanted.

He gave her a small smile.

Her milkshake grasped tightly in her hands, she grinned back at his small smile. She loved - loved? As if she hadn't been confused enough today already - the way he'd look at her. She didn't remember that look being the main motivation for her counterpart's final decision, didn't remember knowing that even though it was against her promise to fight only for him and for the reasons he gave her she still went to fight Nnoitra. And she didn't know that her Espada half had known this outcome was a possibility, had in someway hoped for it.

It was all beyond her, and she was settled on enjoying the moments she did know, did remember, had here and now. No zanpakuto, no reason to fight, no nothing but her childish adoration of the substitute shinigami that held her.

"Whatever Ithigo wantth to watch! Nel doethn't mind." It was nice to be happy.