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tampered2007-11-14 10:59 pm
visageofsilence.livejournal.com) wrote in tampered2007-11-14 10:59 pm
[ COMPLETE ] Tseng & Rufus - Understanding
When; After Rufus returns home from being bullied by Reno and Tseng spends an entire day waiting for him, and after Vincent reports back with all that happens. Post child-curse with Rufus discovering Tseng was hiding Aerith.
Rating; PG-13 [ Violence and zomg mxm?! ]
Characters; Tseng [![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
visageofsilence ] & Rufus Shinra [arrogantpenance]
Summary; Tseng's pissed, Rufus is being a brat, put it all together and you have nasty smacks. A jealous President does not a good drinking buddy make, nor does Tseng tolerate insult of his Turks. But it has a happy ending, I promise. ♥
Log;
The hangover had been a passing distraction in a long chain of unpleasant occurences, although the fact that Elena had returned had served to please him, just a little, before what passed for a curse happened. It was a pleasure to have it over, to not have to deal with anything concerning Tseng and who his current lady for the day is, because frankly, it was getting ridiculous.
Calmer, more lucid, unfortunately lacking his signature white coat, Rufus entered the apartment an hour after midnight, intent on ignoring all of it and having a good sleep before leaving to cut a few deals with the larger shops the next afternoon. A dark shadow padded over to him upon his entrance, soft low growls signalling Dark Nation's displeasure of her master's prolonged disappearance. Patting the beast with a rare affection, he murmurs to her quietly before she bounds away, satisfied. The apartment was darkened, unlit save for one or two dim lights, but even then, he could make out the faint outline of Tseng, settled on a chair. It didn't take a genius to see that it was a less than friendly welcome, but Rufus could deal with it.
Unfazed, he straightens and meets his Turk's eyes through the darkness evenly. Deliberately detached, distant, he remarks. "Not asleep yet?"
It was unfortunate that Rufus had to learn of Aerith on a curse day where he couldn't have explained why exactly he'd kept Aerith out of his knowledge while living here. Though he had good enough reason, it felt like it was all for moot, and he was now faced with a situation which, the more he learned of, the more he could feel something similar to loathing build up within him.
Having spent the time after his transformed state with Aerith after Rufus stormed out, once he'd turned back, he waited. For an entire night, until Aerith forced him to rest, but rest would not come. Once he was certain Aerith was sleeping, he returned to Rufus' apartment, cleaning and then waiting there. Dark Nation needed to be fed, and he did so for his guard beast, until it was time for it to rest.
Finally, his wait paid off, but the welcome could have hardly come at a worse time. More or less, he had been updated on the incident with Reno and right now, the Turk leader was a little more than just livid. His head leaning against his hand, dark eyes sharp despite his lack of sleep and elbow leaning against the armrest of the chair, he ignored Rufus' words for a statement of his own.
"Took your own time, didn't you?"
Tseng was very angry, that much Rufus knew. And he was not surprised in the least. Turk affairs got back to him exceedingly fast, and Rufus didn't see it as an exception. Shutting the door behind him, unwilling to be cowed by that anger, the blonde made his way to the mini bar, looking for the brandy he'd stashed away. As calm as he was, Rufus still harbored his own resentment, to know that his Turk did not trust him enough to tell him what was going on, and for it to be her of all people. He made no show of this even as he finally found what he was looking for. Setting the decanter on the table, his response was deliberately neutral, noncommittal.
"You don't have to stay if you don't want to. You have company; it's not nice to make her wait."
"She'll live." She was alive here, after all. It's not like she would be going anywhere and frankly, at the moment, his attention wasn't anywhere but the task at hand.
He stood, slowly, the actions similar to a black panther unfolding itself from a curled position to a stand. He had dressed meticulously already, there was never a hair out of place on Tseng, and that's what was frightening- he battled, fought, came out of it, looking practically as though he hadn't fought at all. Either he hadn't, or either his enemies never had a chance to strike. He walked calmly, slowly towards Rufus, before standing before him.
"Talk." He stated calmly. "You seem to love making people worry, don't you?" Unlike most times, the words were not spoke in a gently teasing manner. If anything, right now Tseng's words were more than frank, and clearly pointing out what exactly had made him annoyed.
Rufus knew that stride, he knows that he was dealing with a killer, knows how dangerous Tseng can be when he put his mind to it. He had been around the older man long enough to pick up on every little thing he did, after all. But he would not give him the satisfaction of seeing him intimidated, even if it was Tseng, the one man he trusted above everyone else. Opening it, his movements not wavering even when Tseng stood in front of him.
The Wutaian had shed the usual grace and gentleness that he'd spared for Rufus, and the blonde noticed. Of course he noticed; he noticed everything about this man, who even now was still an enigma to him, still unreachable. "Worried? Now why would you do that?"
He filled a crystalline glass with a little brandy, and continued, finally meeting his eyes, cold, ice blue meeting onyx. "Does your mistrust of me extend to even doubting my own capabilities, Tseng? How disappointing."
"How disappointing indeed." He broke his gaze from Rufus, beginning to circle around to his side, slowly stepping behind him. His actions were calm, frighteningly fluid, almost imitating the very black panther he could have been compared to earlier.
False sense of security, perhaps? Or was this a snake in disguise? He didn't mind either comparison were they to be given to him, because right now, he felt predatorial, and he stopped right behind Rufus, whispering the next words nearly next to his ear.
"I think..." his hand came forward, plucking the decanter from Rufus' hands swiftly, setting it aside in the moment of surprise of his action, allowing him to do so without protest, before watching him, practically burning holes in his head from glaring at the back of it. "You're deluding yourself, Mr. President, to garner more attention."
He was saying it alright, and saying it clearly. Rufus was being a brat, and he had no shame in telling him the truth.
It was during times like this where Rufus knew to be careful, to watch his back so that no one put a gun, or a knife in it. It was one of the things that Tseng had taught him himself; this was something Rufus had seen before, but had never experienced. It was unsettling, the nagging feeling of being prey, the feeling of his true age and how young he was compared to the man who had now stepped behind him, removing the one thing that Rufus could occupy himself with.
But Rufus was not the President for nothing even as he squared his shoulders, his head tilted up and slightly to the left, listening to his words. It stung, it annoyed him, and that smooth baritone so close to his ear would have tempted him had it not been so poisonous. He allowed himself a faint smile, poised and elegant despite the imminent threat. A call for attention? Hardly. He supposed if he really wanted to do it, he would have gone for something less...quiet, something more eye-catching.
It didn't escape his notice that Tseng had not used his name, was it to add salt to those wounds? He supposed it didn't really matter now. Thrust, parry. Return the favor. "Then why are you here, Tseng, instead of in bed with your Cetra?"
"Is that all you think there is to it?"
Tseng's voice had gone dangerously low, and even as he spoke, his hand moved forward. Brushing against the younger man's wrist, before he clutched it in a sudden show of strength, a show that revealed Tseng's own physical capability despite what his appearance showed. Dodge, aim, strike. He forced Rufus around until he was facing him directly, before he did something that even his own Turks would have not expected him to do.
Not right now, not after what he had been through. And yet, he did. His free hand raised, and without warning, he backhanded Rufus right across the cheek with enough force to send him falling were he a small child. But Rufus was not a small child, and he certainly didn't intend to send him sprawling. However, it was within that instance that he tightened his hold on the President's wrist, and his hand that he had just slapped him with was clutching him by the collar.
"She means more to me than just a bedmate, Rufus." His voice wasn't loud, but his expression alone spoke for how furious he was right then. "I never knew you to be so petty, you ungrateful child."
He looked remorseless, even as he released Rufus, but pushed him back with an aim-- to get him against the wall next to him. Slamming him up against it, he now glared down with his dark gaze almost burning into Rufus' own. "You have a lot of nerve, Rufus. And a very, very fortunate amount of luck. If I didn't feel the way I did for you, I'd blast your head off for how much you've insulted my Turks and myself in the last twenty four hours alone." Without letting Rufus reply, he shoved him back even more forcefully against the wall so there was no room for movement.
"You will ask for explanations, now." He spoke quietly, still looking him in the eye. "You will ask, and I will answer. Are we clear?" It was a threat. Veiled, but threatening. He was forcing Rufus to ask everything, or he would never, never forgive him for misunderstanding him when he had the chance to gain his answers.
The first thing that stunned Rufus Shinra was that Tseng had the gall to actually hit him. Even Jack Shinra had not done something like this, and all he could do was to stare back at him, absorbing the shock of it. Slammed up against the wall hard, with the head of his Turks pinning him there, the blonde President could only glare back at him, regaining his own composure even as the side of his face throbbed, a glaring reminder of the audacious act.
But more importantly, more importantly, the older man was commanding him, as if he was no more than a child, as if the years between them had not yet passed. And perhaps it hadn't, because he felt like a child, an angry, hurt petulant child who wanted nothing more than to lash out at him, return the blow, to show him that Rufus Shinra was not to be handled this way and that --
But this was Tseng. This was Tseng, the man he'd once looked to for approval, the one who stood by him when the world and ShinRa lay in utter ruins. And so he did not retaliate - he was in no position to, pinned like this - and merely glared back at him, his own hand gripping Tseng's wrist and tightening, focusing his anger on him. No, Reno was not to blame - Tseng was. This was all his fault.
"The way you feel for me?" He knew he was being childish even now as he snorted, almost derisive, always a defense mechanism. It stung, it was confusing, and Rufus didn't know where to start but here. Eyes narrowing, he continued. "I told you before that I would offer you a chance to back out if you wanted to pretend that nothing happened. Why didn't you take it?"
He recognized the derisiveness, the attitude with which he was being put down and he certainly had enough of that. He'd been dragged through the mud enough for feeling the way he did for someone who there was no doubt he felt for, cared for, but now, this-- this was reaching a point where he was beginning to not care. He saw the look of shock in his eyes, the way Rufus looked stunned, the way there was that momentary uncertainty. And for a sick, twisted moment, he liked it. He wanted Rufus to feel it, to know that fear that they had to destroy within themselves to face their enemies.
And because of those words, Tseng's hand at Rufus' collar twisted tightly, threatening to choke him but not doing so, and his gaze never left the blue-eyed young man's.
He was sick of it. He was sick of being put down for making the choices that he did, even when they were in the best interests of others, of the young man who he would give his very life for, and he leaned closer, his voice a deep, dangerous growl.
"Because I thought you would understand." He let the words linger, before he grabbed Rufus by both hands, and tugged them both up, above his head, and using one hand, he pressed against his wrists, pinning them together up against the wall and his freed hand moved down, ready to grab Rufus' legs should he intend to kick himself free.
"Why didn't I back out? I had every reason to, didn't I? There was Elena, there was her. Why, then... why then would I concern myself with you?" Tseng chuckled dryly, almost bitterly, before he turned to face Rufus directly.
"Perhaps because she gave me the strength I have now, and was there for me when your precious Elena's boyfriend decided to assault me for what I had always felt? For hurting her, for what she had felt from the beginning and that I had turned down because of our positions in our jobs?" He was confessing something to Rufus, something he most -certainly- hadn't told anyone.
His grip grew tighter, and though his voice grew softer, it was clear he was more than hurt by all of this. "Aerith did more for me than anyone did in your absence, Rufus. And knowing, knowing you would react in envy and spite against her... and having done so, without seeing how much she's contributed to making me feel worthy enough to be in your presence--you have the galls to bring her down this way? I'm disgusted at you." He hissed the last few words, but the fire was dying from his eyes, and though his grip didn't loosen, he whispered the next words in a tight voice.
"Ask. And I shall answer." And he looked back at him. Stab, withdraw, stab, parry.
And this was the second thing that stunned Rufus Shinra, who had been about to really kick him just to show that no one, no, no even Tseng treated him this way and expected to get away with it. His anger and that momentary burst of violence, however, was muted even as he still met Tseng's eyes squarely. For once, he was listening - there was no way he couldn't, not after what he said.
It was rare to see the Turk so verbose, it was even rarer to pry some kind of confession out of him, and that move momentarily made him pause even as he contemplated it, watching him intently to see if it was a lie - he should have known it wasn't; Tseng had never lied to him, but perhaps it was the doing of the City that made him doubt, just a little. If the City can make his people betray him, surely it could make them lie?
But on hindsight, his words made sense, there was logic and sense in it. And then there was the hurt, the hurt that Tseng showed even now, and it made Rufus think that sometimes, sometimes even Tseng was only human. Choosing not to fight the grip for now - he had more important things to do, to ask and known and perhaps fix this before it all got out of hand. Was it guilt? No, no it wasn't. Rufus had no feelings spared for the Cetra - it wasn't out of spite, but he did not know her well enough to, and would rather forgo the pleasure of faking it. It was Tseng, the head of his Turks, who sounded so disappointed in him.
But he would not apologize. He said and did what he did because he damn well wanted to, and there was no need for it even now. It was perhaps cold, but it was practical, and it was Rufus.
"Tell me why." His voice was quiet, even, devoid of spite and malice even as he referred to the very first thing Tseng had responded to. "Tell me where things stand between us, and if I should let go." He leaned in, just a little. "Tell me."
He'd make him apologize if he had anything to say about it. It was bad enough that he had to force whatever information he could out of Reno (and boy was he going to get it) but what he had to force out of Vincent Valentine had definitely made him sick to the stomach. And no amounts of his repeating the fact that they were drunk would help make that fact any better for him, knowing that those words had come out at all.
However, now wasn't the time to think of that. No, the matter at hand was a completely different one-- one which, he knew he could not turn away from, did not want to turn away from...
Even as Rufus leaned in, Tseng's grip on his wrists had loosened. His hand was sliding down the stretched arms as he spoke the words next. And then, with a forceful shove against the wall, he captured Rufus' mouth with his own, eyes closing for that moment, frustration, anger, satisfaction slipping into his kiss, into making sure more of his answer came through that than anything else.
And as soon as it had started, started to become pleasant, almost exciting, he stopped it, breaking away, and whispered almost breathlessly, "You're not the only one holding on." He was tired, more than he could express. It was there in his eyes, in his voice, and his free hand went to brush his fingers against where he'd slapped Rufus. He must have injured him, there was a discoloration appearing on his jaw, nothing a restore wouldn't fix, but...
"... Elena and Aerith are my past. Aerith and you are my present. You and You alone, are my future, Rufus." He whispered the words against his lips, and he drew the President's face closer. "What more do you want me to say?"
When Tseng's grip loosened, Rufus slid his own arms around the other in response. Surprised by the forcefulness of the kiss, the way the other man felt against him, and how it almost, almost felt like Reno's - only it wasn't, because Tseng was Tseng and Reno was Reno - he realized it. He realized what Tseng had meant to say all along. Relaxing a little and returning the kiss after a few moments with his own, unable to not respond, but then the older man had always been, and would always be a frustration, because as soon as it became more, he pulled away, and Rufus had to swallow an annoyed sound.
He was tired, Rufus noticed, very tired, and idly, he wondered how long the man must've waited up. He'd been gone for a good long while, and even then...had he been waiting for him all this time? He didn't wince at the touch, but negated his hand away lazily with no spite intended. It hurt like all hell, but Rufus would never let anyone see that it affected him. He'd fix it later.
He had no choice but to look straight at him when Tseng was so close, breath fanning against his own even as he heard his response, registered it and let it sink in. Rufus Shinra, only child, the man who had everything delivered to him on a silver platter lined with diamonds would have to share. It had not quite been the answer he was looking for, and he was silent for a long moment, searching, wanting to see if he was playing games, if he was lying. A soft murmur, and he responded frankly. It was far from accusing; it was an answer to his question. "The truth. No more games, no lies. I'm tired of it."
The truth... how much more could he say it for it to be clear? He was extremely exhausted by now and as he slid his hands down to Rufus' shoulders, he tugged the younger man forward, until he could bend his head and rest his face in the crook of his neck, and his arms moved around his shoulders, holding him tightly, tighter than he wanted to, almost possessively.
"The truth... is that I want her forgiveness for going back on my promise." She never would, and he'd never told Rufus this before, so he had to now. "I promised Zack I would look after her before he died. I tried... but ShinRa came first. And now..."
He held Rufus tighter. "As long as she hadn't been here, I was fine. But now... Rufus... she needs to become my past if I am ever to be worthy of you." Even now, he held Rufus' status above his own. He never thought otherwise. "What I feel for her... is completely different than the feelings I have for you. I would not..." Tired. "I would not... be with you as much as I am... were I to have felt the way I do for her for you." He sighed softly. "Do you understand...?"
And Rufus held on to him, supporting, even as he tilted his head to the side a little, accomodating. Arms sliding around the other's waist, holding close, he understood completely. Perhaps Rufus himself had been the one who hadn't understood the full picture, even as he pressed his lips against the side of his Turk's face. How many things had this man hidden, how many regrets did he have?
"You are more than worthy." He was not a man who was inclined for platitudes even as he savoured the hold Tseng had on him. His voice was quiet, calm. Tseng was exhausted, that much was clear, and now it was time, perhaps, for Rufus to take care of him, just for a little while. He understood, accepted, his doubt fading into the background. He would analyze it later, think on it, and contemplate the ramifications of such a thing.
He had always been a practical man, even when it came to things like this, but now, perhaps, would be an exception. He was willing to make an effort, instead of waiting for it to be offered to him on a plate. One step forward, one at a time, and Rufus would accept this. Perhaps one day, he would be able to fully accept the fact that he had to share this man, if only for a while.
A kiss, and another, before he nudged a little against him, pressing his nose against Tseng's, his gaze gentle. One last question. One last question, and they could rest. "What is it that binds you to me, loyalty to your job, or love?"
He didn't miss it, the gentleness with which Rufus approached him, the maturity that spoke of his years as an adult, no longer making him the immature brat that he had shown himself to be-- but a man who was fully capable of understanding the situation he was walking into. And that alone is what separated him from the Rufus Shinra of three years ago to the Rufus Shinra that he was now.
Then he blinked, as Rufus displayed a gesture of affection he would relate to a playful little child, blinking in mild confusion, before he found himself staring at Rufus at the asked question.
Tired as he was, the answer was as clear as day, and he found himself smiling, wryly, but a smile itself. He'd hurt Rufus, in the name of duty and protection of something he held highly, but really, could answers come so easily at all? What bound him to Rufus at all?
Sliding a hand under his ear, cupping the side of Rufus' neck, Tseng gazed into Rufus' eyes, as though conveying the answer through his gaze. Then, in a soft whisper, he spoke. "My job is my purpose and my loyalty is to Veld's dream. Veld's dream... that was to have the Turks as a powerful unit to protect who we meant to protect." He paused, letting the words sink in.
"In the end... my loyalty is to you. In whatever way I can give it, Rufus." Moving his face, he gently kissed his forehead. "... and I doubt any man would be fool enough to want to be around you being a brat without loving you as you are." The last part, though said as a tease, in the most clearest way he could say it, was his final confession to the matter. "None could do it the way I do." Tseng never beat around the bush with his words, but this one time... he felt it would be better not to say it directly, not to say those words, but to show him the intensity of what he felt instead.
No one will ever know or love you the way I do, Rufus Shinra. Were what his eyes said.
There was more magic in comprehension, after all.
The answer Rufus had truly been searching for was perhaps not one that words could properly convey, after all. It was rare, new, the strange intimacy that they now shared. Rufus had long been used to the rougher aspects of intimacy, fucking, dominating, anything but this, and he found that he'd rather liked this change quite a bit. Different, of course, but interesting. Leaning fully into his touch, against the calloused palm cupping him, Rufus idly mused that Tseng had killed with these hands. He'd killed with them and it was fascinating how he was so capable of such tenderness.
Meeting Tseng's eyes fully, there was a wrm comprehension, and Rufus knew that there were no more questions needed. They would be obsolete, unnecessary, and the blonde President just wanted this, an unspoken promise that he'd always been seeking. Seeking, but not demanding; there was no meaning in forcing Tseng to his side, and victory through such means would only be hollow.
Sealing the distance between them, Rufus pressed his lips against the others in a full, tender kiss that spoke volumes. Rufus would have no one else by his side, and when ShinRa got back on its feet again, Tseng would be beside him, with him. And his feelings, the head of his Turks feelings was wholly mutual, returned in a way that the President was beginning to understand. It should have scared Tseng, the difference in the way Rufus felt for him in comparison to the other lovers he'd had before, but Rufus had never been one to know the meaning of fear. Hands tangling in Tseng's hair, pulling him down to deepen the kiss, he murmured before he parted his mouth, "I'm not just a child anymore."
Not very surprised, and not very disturbed by the sudden intimacy that the President was expressing towards him, Tseng's own hands came and circled around the other's waist, pulling him against him and returning the kiss, not as passionately as he would have liked to, but definitely with the emotion that the other was returning to him in abundance.
The feeling of those hands in his hair was relaxing in a way, not really helping his own tired state, and then, in a soft whisper, once the other had spoken, he replied, "I wouldn't want you any other way." Before closing the space between them in a gentle kiss and then, gently parted, arm around the other's back and shoulders, and tilting his head to a side to brush his lips against the place he'd injured him.
"... It's late. Let's call it a night." He whispered against the skin, before drawing back and giving Rufus what no one else would probably get.
A smile. A genuine, warm smile meant just for him.
Rufus didn't wince; by now the sting had regressed into a dull, barely noticeable throbbing, one that he was only too pleased to ignore. Lazily extricating himself from the other's hold, liking the rare smile that was on the other's features, he returned the smile with a faint one of his own.
With one last, lingering kiss to the side of the older man's mouth, Rufus tilted his head in the direction of the room, pleased and liking the way this particular 'session' turned out. "Hn, I forget that old men need more sleep." A little smirk, and he remarked. "Sleep with me tonight."
It was not a gesture for sex; Tseng and Rufus were too exhausted for something like that, but it was a tease. A promise.
A beginning.
"The weather's getting cold, too."
He'd roll his eyes at Rufus but honestly, he had no reason to. It's not like he wasn't an old man, and he tilted his head to a side. Then, stepping away from Rufus, he extended a hand to him, taking his within his own and closing his fingers around him. He had no more strength left to make a comeback, but at the same time, he definitely planned to show Rufus who was more experienced later, not necessarily as a sexual way though.
"Then keep me warm, whippersnapper."
A small smile, and a certain look, and Rufus would know who he was imitating. Veld, the very reason for him being who he was, and his own show of affection in his harshness.
He knew he wouldn't be able to forgive himself for hurting Rufus, but even then...
Sometimes with pain, came understanding.
This was one of those times...
And with Rufus by his side, perhaps things would indeed work out for the better. He hoped anyway.
Rating; PG-13 [ Violence and zomg mxm?! ]
Characters; Tseng [
visageofsilence ] & Rufus Shinra [arrogantpenance]Summary; Tseng's pissed, Rufus is being a brat, put it all together and you have nasty smacks. A jealous President does not a good drinking buddy make, nor does Tseng tolerate insult of his Turks. But it has a happy ending, I promise. ♥
Log;
The hangover had been a passing distraction in a long chain of unpleasant occurences, although the fact that Elena had returned had served to please him, just a little, before what passed for a curse happened. It was a pleasure to have it over, to not have to deal with anything concerning Tseng and who his current lady for the day is, because frankly, it was getting ridiculous.
Calmer, more lucid, unfortunately lacking his signature white coat, Rufus entered the apartment an hour after midnight, intent on ignoring all of it and having a good sleep before leaving to cut a few deals with the larger shops the next afternoon. A dark shadow padded over to him upon his entrance, soft low growls signalling Dark Nation's displeasure of her master's prolonged disappearance. Patting the beast with a rare affection, he murmurs to her quietly before she bounds away, satisfied. The apartment was darkened, unlit save for one or two dim lights, but even then, he could make out the faint outline of Tseng, settled on a chair. It didn't take a genius to see that it was a less than friendly welcome, but Rufus could deal with it.
Unfazed, he straightens and meets his Turk's eyes through the darkness evenly. Deliberately detached, distant, he remarks. "Not asleep yet?"
It was unfortunate that Rufus had to learn of Aerith on a curse day where he couldn't have explained why exactly he'd kept Aerith out of his knowledge while living here. Though he had good enough reason, it felt like it was all for moot, and he was now faced with a situation which, the more he learned of, the more he could feel something similar to loathing build up within him.
Having spent the time after his transformed state with Aerith after Rufus stormed out, once he'd turned back, he waited. For an entire night, until Aerith forced him to rest, but rest would not come. Once he was certain Aerith was sleeping, he returned to Rufus' apartment, cleaning and then waiting there. Dark Nation needed to be fed, and he did so for his guard beast, until it was time for it to rest.
Finally, his wait paid off, but the welcome could have hardly come at a worse time. More or less, he had been updated on the incident with Reno and right now, the Turk leader was a little more than just livid. His head leaning against his hand, dark eyes sharp despite his lack of sleep and elbow leaning against the armrest of the chair, he ignored Rufus' words for a statement of his own.
"Took your own time, didn't you?"
Tseng was very angry, that much Rufus knew. And he was not surprised in the least. Turk affairs got back to him exceedingly fast, and Rufus didn't see it as an exception. Shutting the door behind him, unwilling to be cowed by that anger, the blonde made his way to the mini bar, looking for the brandy he'd stashed away. As calm as he was, Rufus still harbored his own resentment, to know that his Turk did not trust him enough to tell him what was going on, and for it to be her of all people. He made no show of this even as he finally found what he was looking for. Setting the decanter on the table, his response was deliberately neutral, noncommittal.
"You don't have to stay if you don't want to. You have company; it's not nice to make her wait."
"She'll live." She was alive here, after all. It's not like she would be going anywhere and frankly, at the moment, his attention wasn't anywhere but the task at hand.
He stood, slowly, the actions similar to a black panther unfolding itself from a curled position to a stand. He had dressed meticulously already, there was never a hair out of place on Tseng, and that's what was frightening- he battled, fought, came out of it, looking practically as though he hadn't fought at all. Either he hadn't, or either his enemies never had a chance to strike. He walked calmly, slowly towards Rufus, before standing before him.
"Talk." He stated calmly. "You seem to love making people worry, don't you?" Unlike most times, the words were not spoke in a gently teasing manner. If anything, right now Tseng's words were more than frank, and clearly pointing out what exactly had made him annoyed.
Rufus knew that stride, he knows that he was dealing with a killer, knows how dangerous Tseng can be when he put his mind to it. He had been around the older man long enough to pick up on every little thing he did, after all. But he would not give him the satisfaction of seeing him intimidated, even if it was Tseng, the one man he trusted above everyone else. Opening it, his movements not wavering even when Tseng stood in front of him.
The Wutaian had shed the usual grace and gentleness that he'd spared for Rufus, and the blonde noticed. Of course he noticed; he noticed everything about this man, who even now was still an enigma to him, still unreachable. "Worried? Now why would you do that?"
He filled a crystalline glass with a little brandy, and continued, finally meeting his eyes, cold, ice blue meeting onyx. "Does your mistrust of me extend to even doubting my own capabilities, Tseng? How disappointing."
"How disappointing indeed." He broke his gaze from Rufus, beginning to circle around to his side, slowly stepping behind him. His actions were calm, frighteningly fluid, almost imitating the very black panther he could have been compared to earlier.
False sense of security, perhaps? Or was this a snake in disguise? He didn't mind either comparison were they to be given to him, because right now, he felt predatorial, and he stopped right behind Rufus, whispering the next words nearly next to his ear.
"I think..." his hand came forward, plucking the decanter from Rufus' hands swiftly, setting it aside in the moment of surprise of his action, allowing him to do so without protest, before watching him, practically burning holes in his head from glaring at the back of it. "You're deluding yourself, Mr. President, to garner more attention."
He was saying it alright, and saying it clearly. Rufus was being a brat, and he had no shame in telling him the truth.
It was during times like this where Rufus knew to be careful, to watch his back so that no one put a gun, or a knife in it. It was one of the things that Tseng had taught him himself; this was something Rufus had seen before, but had never experienced. It was unsettling, the nagging feeling of being prey, the feeling of his true age and how young he was compared to the man who had now stepped behind him, removing the one thing that Rufus could occupy himself with.
But Rufus was not the President for nothing even as he squared his shoulders, his head tilted up and slightly to the left, listening to his words. It stung, it annoyed him, and that smooth baritone so close to his ear would have tempted him had it not been so poisonous. He allowed himself a faint smile, poised and elegant despite the imminent threat. A call for attention? Hardly. He supposed if he really wanted to do it, he would have gone for something less...quiet, something more eye-catching.
It didn't escape his notice that Tseng had not used his name, was it to add salt to those wounds? He supposed it didn't really matter now. Thrust, parry. Return the favor. "Then why are you here, Tseng, instead of in bed with your Cetra?"
"Is that all you think there is to it?"
Tseng's voice had gone dangerously low, and even as he spoke, his hand moved forward. Brushing against the younger man's wrist, before he clutched it in a sudden show of strength, a show that revealed Tseng's own physical capability despite what his appearance showed. Dodge, aim, strike. He forced Rufus around until he was facing him directly, before he did something that even his own Turks would have not expected him to do.
Not right now, not after what he had been through. And yet, he did. His free hand raised, and without warning, he backhanded Rufus right across the cheek with enough force to send him falling were he a small child. But Rufus was not a small child, and he certainly didn't intend to send him sprawling. However, it was within that instance that he tightened his hold on the President's wrist, and his hand that he had just slapped him with was clutching him by the collar.
"She means more to me than just a bedmate, Rufus." His voice wasn't loud, but his expression alone spoke for how furious he was right then. "I never knew you to be so petty, you ungrateful child."
He looked remorseless, even as he released Rufus, but pushed him back with an aim-- to get him against the wall next to him. Slamming him up against it, he now glared down with his dark gaze almost burning into Rufus' own. "You have a lot of nerve, Rufus. And a very, very fortunate amount of luck. If I didn't feel the way I did for you, I'd blast your head off for how much you've insulted my Turks and myself in the last twenty four hours alone." Without letting Rufus reply, he shoved him back even more forcefully against the wall so there was no room for movement.
"You will ask for explanations, now." He spoke quietly, still looking him in the eye. "You will ask, and I will answer. Are we clear?" It was a threat. Veiled, but threatening. He was forcing Rufus to ask everything, or he would never, never forgive him for misunderstanding him when he had the chance to gain his answers.
The first thing that stunned Rufus Shinra was that Tseng had the gall to actually hit him. Even Jack Shinra had not done something like this, and all he could do was to stare back at him, absorbing the shock of it. Slammed up against the wall hard, with the head of his Turks pinning him there, the blonde President could only glare back at him, regaining his own composure even as the side of his face throbbed, a glaring reminder of the audacious act.
But more importantly, more importantly, the older man was commanding him, as if he was no more than a child, as if the years between them had not yet passed. And perhaps it hadn't, because he felt like a child, an angry, hurt petulant child who wanted nothing more than to lash out at him, return the blow, to show him that Rufus Shinra was not to be handled this way and that --
But this was Tseng. This was Tseng, the man he'd once looked to for approval, the one who stood by him when the world and ShinRa lay in utter ruins. And so he did not retaliate - he was in no position to, pinned like this - and merely glared back at him, his own hand gripping Tseng's wrist and tightening, focusing his anger on him. No, Reno was not to blame - Tseng was. This was all his fault.
"The way you feel for me?" He knew he was being childish even now as he snorted, almost derisive, always a defense mechanism. It stung, it was confusing, and Rufus didn't know where to start but here. Eyes narrowing, he continued. "I told you before that I would offer you a chance to back out if you wanted to pretend that nothing happened. Why didn't you take it?"
He recognized the derisiveness, the attitude with which he was being put down and he certainly had enough of that. He'd been dragged through the mud enough for feeling the way he did for someone who there was no doubt he felt for, cared for, but now, this-- this was reaching a point where he was beginning to not care. He saw the look of shock in his eyes, the way Rufus looked stunned, the way there was that momentary uncertainty. And for a sick, twisted moment, he liked it. He wanted Rufus to feel it, to know that fear that they had to destroy within themselves to face their enemies.
And because of those words, Tseng's hand at Rufus' collar twisted tightly, threatening to choke him but not doing so, and his gaze never left the blue-eyed young man's.
He was sick of it. He was sick of being put down for making the choices that he did, even when they were in the best interests of others, of the young man who he would give his very life for, and he leaned closer, his voice a deep, dangerous growl.
"Because I thought you would understand." He let the words linger, before he grabbed Rufus by both hands, and tugged them both up, above his head, and using one hand, he pressed against his wrists, pinning them together up against the wall and his freed hand moved down, ready to grab Rufus' legs should he intend to kick himself free.
"Why didn't I back out? I had every reason to, didn't I? There was Elena, there was her. Why, then... why then would I concern myself with you?" Tseng chuckled dryly, almost bitterly, before he turned to face Rufus directly.
"Perhaps because she gave me the strength I have now, and was there for me when your precious Elena's boyfriend decided to assault me for what I had always felt? For hurting her, for what she had felt from the beginning and that I had turned down because of our positions in our jobs?" He was confessing something to Rufus, something he most -certainly- hadn't told anyone.
His grip grew tighter, and though his voice grew softer, it was clear he was more than hurt by all of this. "Aerith did more for me than anyone did in your absence, Rufus. And knowing, knowing you would react in envy and spite against her... and having done so, without seeing how much she's contributed to making me feel worthy enough to be in your presence--you have the galls to bring her down this way? I'm disgusted at you." He hissed the last few words, but the fire was dying from his eyes, and though his grip didn't loosen, he whispered the next words in a tight voice.
"Ask. And I shall answer." And he looked back at him. Stab, withdraw, stab, parry.
And this was the second thing that stunned Rufus Shinra, who had been about to really kick him just to show that no one, no, no even Tseng treated him this way and expected to get away with it. His anger and that momentary burst of violence, however, was muted even as he still met Tseng's eyes squarely. For once, he was listening - there was no way he couldn't, not after what he said.
It was rare to see the Turk so verbose, it was even rarer to pry some kind of confession out of him, and that move momentarily made him pause even as he contemplated it, watching him intently to see if it was a lie - he should have known it wasn't; Tseng had never lied to him, but perhaps it was the doing of the City that made him doubt, just a little. If the City can make his people betray him, surely it could make them lie?
But on hindsight, his words made sense, there was logic and sense in it. And then there was the hurt, the hurt that Tseng showed even now, and it made Rufus think that sometimes, sometimes even Tseng was only human. Choosing not to fight the grip for now - he had more important things to do, to ask and known and perhaps fix this before it all got out of hand. Was it guilt? No, no it wasn't. Rufus had no feelings spared for the Cetra - it wasn't out of spite, but he did not know her well enough to, and would rather forgo the pleasure of faking it. It was Tseng, the head of his Turks, who sounded so disappointed in him.
But he would not apologize. He said and did what he did because he damn well wanted to, and there was no need for it even now. It was perhaps cold, but it was practical, and it was Rufus.
"Tell me why." His voice was quiet, even, devoid of spite and malice even as he referred to the very first thing Tseng had responded to. "Tell me where things stand between us, and if I should let go." He leaned in, just a little. "Tell me."
He'd make him apologize if he had anything to say about it. It was bad enough that he had to force whatever information he could out of Reno (and boy was he going to get it) but what he had to force out of Vincent Valentine had definitely made him sick to the stomach. And no amounts of his repeating the fact that they were drunk would help make that fact any better for him, knowing that those words had come out at all.
However, now wasn't the time to think of that. No, the matter at hand was a completely different one-- one which, he knew he could not turn away from, did not want to turn away from...
Even as Rufus leaned in, Tseng's grip on his wrists had loosened. His hand was sliding down the stretched arms as he spoke the words next. And then, with a forceful shove against the wall, he captured Rufus' mouth with his own, eyes closing for that moment, frustration, anger, satisfaction slipping into his kiss, into making sure more of his answer came through that than anything else.
And as soon as it had started, started to become pleasant, almost exciting, he stopped it, breaking away, and whispered almost breathlessly, "You're not the only one holding on." He was tired, more than he could express. It was there in his eyes, in his voice, and his free hand went to brush his fingers against where he'd slapped Rufus. He must have injured him, there was a discoloration appearing on his jaw, nothing a restore wouldn't fix, but...
"... Elena and Aerith are my past. Aerith and you are my present. You and You alone, are my future, Rufus." He whispered the words against his lips, and he drew the President's face closer. "What more do you want me to say?"
When Tseng's grip loosened, Rufus slid his own arms around the other in response. Surprised by the forcefulness of the kiss, the way the other man felt against him, and how it almost, almost felt like Reno's - only it wasn't, because Tseng was Tseng and Reno was Reno - he realized it. He realized what Tseng had meant to say all along. Relaxing a little and returning the kiss after a few moments with his own, unable to not respond, but then the older man had always been, and would always be a frustration, because as soon as it became more, he pulled away, and Rufus had to swallow an annoyed sound.
He was tired, Rufus noticed, very tired, and idly, he wondered how long the man must've waited up. He'd been gone for a good long while, and even then...had he been waiting for him all this time? He didn't wince at the touch, but negated his hand away lazily with no spite intended. It hurt like all hell, but Rufus would never let anyone see that it affected him. He'd fix it later.
He had no choice but to look straight at him when Tseng was so close, breath fanning against his own even as he heard his response, registered it and let it sink in. Rufus Shinra, only child, the man who had everything delivered to him on a silver platter lined with diamonds would have to share. It had not quite been the answer he was looking for, and he was silent for a long moment, searching, wanting to see if he was playing games, if he was lying. A soft murmur, and he responded frankly. It was far from accusing; it was an answer to his question. "The truth. No more games, no lies. I'm tired of it."
The truth... how much more could he say it for it to be clear? He was extremely exhausted by now and as he slid his hands down to Rufus' shoulders, he tugged the younger man forward, until he could bend his head and rest his face in the crook of his neck, and his arms moved around his shoulders, holding him tightly, tighter than he wanted to, almost possessively.
"The truth... is that I want her forgiveness for going back on my promise." She never would, and he'd never told Rufus this before, so he had to now. "I promised Zack I would look after her before he died. I tried... but ShinRa came first. And now..."
He held Rufus tighter. "As long as she hadn't been here, I was fine. But now... Rufus... she needs to become my past if I am ever to be worthy of you." Even now, he held Rufus' status above his own. He never thought otherwise. "What I feel for her... is completely different than the feelings I have for you. I would not..." Tired. "I would not... be with you as much as I am... were I to have felt the way I do for her for you." He sighed softly. "Do you understand...?"
And Rufus held on to him, supporting, even as he tilted his head to the side a little, accomodating. Arms sliding around the other's waist, holding close, he understood completely. Perhaps Rufus himself had been the one who hadn't understood the full picture, even as he pressed his lips against the side of his Turk's face. How many things had this man hidden, how many regrets did he have?
"You are more than worthy." He was not a man who was inclined for platitudes even as he savoured the hold Tseng had on him. His voice was quiet, calm. Tseng was exhausted, that much was clear, and now it was time, perhaps, for Rufus to take care of him, just for a little while. He understood, accepted, his doubt fading into the background. He would analyze it later, think on it, and contemplate the ramifications of such a thing.
He had always been a practical man, even when it came to things like this, but now, perhaps, would be an exception. He was willing to make an effort, instead of waiting for it to be offered to him on a plate. One step forward, one at a time, and Rufus would accept this. Perhaps one day, he would be able to fully accept the fact that he had to share this man, if only for a while.
A kiss, and another, before he nudged a little against him, pressing his nose against Tseng's, his gaze gentle. One last question. One last question, and they could rest. "What is it that binds you to me, loyalty to your job, or love?"
He didn't miss it, the gentleness with which Rufus approached him, the maturity that spoke of his years as an adult, no longer making him the immature brat that he had shown himself to be-- but a man who was fully capable of understanding the situation he was walking into. And that alone is what separated him from the Rufus Shinra of three years ago to the Rufus Shinra that he was now.
Then he blinked, as Rufus displayed a gesture of affection he would relate to a playful little child, blinking in mild confusion, before he found himself staring at Rufus at the asked question.
Tired as he was, the answer was as clear as day, and he found himself smiling, wryly, but a smile itself. He'd hurt Rufus, in the name of duty and protection of something he held highly, but really, could answers come so easily at all? What bound him to Rufus at all?
Sliding a hand under his ear, cupping the side of Rufus' neck, Tseng gazed into Rufus' eyes, as though conveying the answer through his gaze. Then, in a soft whisper, he spoke. "My job is my purpose and my loyalty is to Veld's dream. Veld's dream... that was to have the Turks as a powerful unit to protect who we meant to protect." He paused, letting the words sink in.
"In the end... my loyalty is to you. In whatever way I can give it, Rufus." Moving his face, he gently kissed his forehead. "... and I doubt any man would be fool enough to want to be around you being a brat without loving you as you are." The last part, though said as a tease, in the most clearest way he could say it, was his final confession to the matter. "None could do it the way I do." Tseng never beat around the bush with his words, but this one time... he felt it would be better not to say it directly, not to say those words, but to show him the intensity of what he felt instead.
No one will ever know or love you the way I do, Rufus Shinra. Were what his eyes said.
There was more magic in comprehension, after all.
The answer Rufus had truly been searching for was perhaps not one that words could properly convey, after all. It was rare, new, the strange intimacy that they now shared. Rufus had long been used to the rougher aspects of intimacy, fucking, dominating, anything but this, and he found that he'd rather liked this change quite a bit. Different, of course, but interesting. Leaning fully into his touch, against the calloused palm cupping him, Rufus idly mused that Tseng had killed with these hands. He'd killed with them and it was fascinating how he was so capable of such tenderness.
Meeting Tseng's eyes fully, there was a wrm comprehension, and Rufus knew that there were no more questions needed. They would be obsolete, unnecessary, and the blonde President just wanted this, an unspoken promise that he'd always been seeking. Seeking, but not demanding; there was no meaning in forcing Tseng to his side, and victory through such means would only be hollow.
Sealing the distance between them, Rufus pressed his lips against the others in a full, tender kiss that spoke volumes. Rufus would have no one else by his side, and when ShinRa got back on its feet again, Tseng would be beside him, with him. And his feelings, the head of his Turks feelings was wholly mutual, returned in a way that the President was beginning to understand. It should have scared Tseng, the difference in the way Rufus felt for him in comparison to the other lovers he'd had before, but Rufus had never been one to know the meaning of fear. Hands tangling in Tseng's hair, pulling him down to deepen the kiss, he murmured before he parted his mouth, "I'm not just a child anymore."
Not very surprised, and not very disturbed by the sudden intimacy that the President was expressing towards him, Tseng's own hands came and circled around the other's waist, pulling him against him and returning the kiss, not as passionately as he would have liked to, but definitely with the emotion that the other was returning to him in abundance.
The feeling of those hands in his hair was relaxing in a way, not really helping his own tired state, and then, in a soft whisper, once the other had spoken, he replied, "I wouldn't want you any other way." Before closing the space between them in a gentle kiss and then, gently parted, arm around the other's back and shoulders, and tilting his head to a side to brush his lips against the place he'd injured him.
"... It's late. Let's call it a night." He whispered against the skin, before drawing back and giving Rufus what no one else would probably get.
A smile. A genuine, warm smile meant just for him.
Rufus didn't wince; by now the sting had regressed into a dull, barely noticeable throbbing, one that he was only too pleased to ignore. Lazily extricating himself from the other's hold, liking the rare smile that was on the other's features, he returned the smile with a faint one of his own.
With one last, lingering kiss to the side of the older man's mouth, Rufus tilted his head in the direction of the room, pleased and liking the way this particular 'session' turned out. "Hn, I forget that old men need more sleep." A little smirk, and he remarked. "Sleep with me tonight."
It was not a gesture for sex; Tseng and Rufus were too exhausted for something like that, but it was a tease. A promise.
A beginning.
"The weather's getting cold, too."
He'd roll his eyes at Rufus but honestly, he had no reason to. It's not like he wasn't an old man, and he tilted his head to a side. Then, stepping away from Rufus, he extended a hand to him, taking his within his own and closing his fingers around him. He had no more strength left to make a comeback, but at the same time, he definitely planned to show Rufus who was more experienced later, not necessarily as a sexual way though.
"Then keep me warm, whippersnapper."
A small smile, and a certain look, and Rufus would know who he was imitating. Veld, the very reason for him being who he was, and his own show of affection in his harshness.
He knew he wouldn't be able to forgive himself for hurting Rufus, but even then...
Sometimes with pain, came understanding.
This was one of those times...
And with Rufus by his side, perhaps things would indeed work out for the better. He hoped anyway.