Log; Complete

[chocoholicremus.livejournal.com]

When; backdated to August 14th
Rating; PG
Characters; Sirius Black [sirius_danger] and Remus Lupin [chocoholicremus]
Summary; Sirius finally decides to try and resolve things with Remus.
Log;

Sirius made his way towards the warehouse, unsure if he wanted to take his time about it or break into a run. He needed to see Remus, and he knew putting it off wouldn't help, but his stomach felt like one big knot and he was quite sure someone had taken a mallet to his head and knocked all coherent thought right out of it.

His feet, though, paid no mind to this, and he was in front of the warehouse all too soon. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and wandered inside, peering through the dim light.

"Moony?" Now to find wherever Remus had locked himself up in.

Why did he have to admit that to Sirius? Why? The blame for their...encounter was completely on the wolf, not on him, but for some reason, Sirius had seemed, well, upset almost. And Remus didn't like that. So before he thought twice, he posted that comment, and immediately regretted it. Now things were going to be even worse, with Sirius knowing that he had been far from opposed to what had happened. Freaked out, yes. Nervous, yes. Confused, most definitely. But not opposed.

He then heard Sirius' questioning call of 'Moony?' echoing through the large, empty building. Maybe if he kept quiet, Sirius would never find him there, in the room he had been fixing up in the basement of the warehouse to shelter him during his transformations, and keep him from hurting anyone. But before he could stop himself, he called out to the other boy. "Down here, Padfoot!" Stupid, stupid, stupid! Now what would he do?

As much as he'd been expecting an answer, Remus' voice still sent a bolt of shock through him and set his nerves on end. Why was he here again? Why hadn't he just asked Remus about all this through their journals?

Because he had to know the truth and he wasn't going to be a coward about all this.

Right, he told himself, not a coward. Steeling himself, he walked through the dark, empty rooms, finally finding the basement. Trying to walk down stairs when your legs felt like lead was very, very difficult. His heart stopped for a second upon seeing Remus before beginning to pound furiously. Fuck.

"Hullo," Was that really his voice? "How long have you been down here?"

Swallowing hard at seeing Sirius again for the first time since...well, since, Remus averted his eyes to the shackles he had been working on embedding in the stone wall - by hand. Doing it by magic would have been too easy, and while he would still reinforce it with spells, he wanted something to do to keep his mind off of what had happened between himself and Sirius.

Shrugging noncommittally, he kept his gaze focused on the wall, as if that would make the cement dry any faster. "Not sure, a couple of days. Been up a couple of times, but been down here mostly." A makeshift bed in the corner and a scattering of basic personal effects lent credence to Remus' words. More things would be brought in before the full moon, which was less than two weeks away, so that anything that would be needed then or in the aftermath would be at his fingers. "Have to get ready, y'know. Don't want to get caught with my pa--get caught unprepared." Flushing slightly at the phrasing he had first chosen and aborted, Remus was very thankful for the fact that the lighting was quite dim, as it hopefully meant that his blush went unnoticed.

A few days? The idea of Moony all alone in the dark, desolate room, trying to put shackles in the walls by hand, made Sirius feel slightly sick with guilt. He should have been down here with him, helping him get the place ready like he'd said he would. Sure, neither of them had really been ready to see each other, and probably still weren't, but there were some things you had to do despite personal discomfort and keeping promises was one of them. He made his way over to the wall, looking over the shackles.

"You probably won't need these." He tried to sound casual. "You're never chained up when we're with you." Even when he'd run off to think things out on his own, he had intended on being around for the full moon. Though, knowing Moony, that was probably to be unexpected.

Remus froze, surprised by Sirius' words. He had certainly hoped, but hadn't really thought that he'd be seeing Sirius or James anytime soon. He had seen the distressed entry in James' journal, but couldn't bring himself to comment on it. That was enough of a reaction already, and coupled with Sirius disappearing, he figured that he had finally crossed that uncrossable line between male friends. It was okay to be a werewolf, but not to be a shirt-lifter.

"Well," he said, eyes still averted, his words measured, careful as always. "I figured you'd have other things to do, and I didn't want to take any chances. If I got loose here...well, it's not like there's a Forbidden Forest to lose myself in."

Half of Sirius wanted to take a bat to Remus' head and pound him until he finally understood that Marauders were inseparable and they wouldn't be leaving him to his own devices during a full moon any time soon; the other half wanted to go toss himself off a cliff for making it seem like he didn't want anything to do with the boy anymore.

"Full moons are always booked for me." He said, leaning against the wall and letting his gaze drop to the floor. "Always will be. Hell," Black bangs thankfully obscured his vision enough so that he couldn't see Remus out of the corner of his eye. "I mean, we wouldn't want the wolf to looking for what's his, right?"

It was a relief to hear such words of reassurance, and a tiny smile curved the corners of Remus' lips for a moment. Despite everything, despite the fact that Sirius, and James and Peter had accepted him after finding out that he was a werewolf, had become animagi for him, Remus still worried that one day it'd all come crashing down about him. He had been so used to not having friends, to being shunned, that he accepted it as his due, and anything more than that was a surprise, and something to be treasured, though it was most certain to be yanked away at some point.

Remus did an admirable job of hiding his flinch at Sirius' next words, though, really, it looked more like a shiver, or an odd tic. He did, however, finally look at Sirius, though he was looking more at the area right over his right - well, his right, not Sirius' right - shoulder, rather than looking him in the face. He wasn't quite ready for that just yet. "I really am sorry about that, Sirius. It's just--and Padfoot, he's--and I--well, you understand, right?" His expression was a mix of hopeful and despondent, with a dash of confused, as he wasn't sure if even he understood his incoherent babble.

"Not exactly." Sirius admitted. He didn't know Remus could tell what the wolf was feeling, and he certainly didn't know why the wolf felt so possessive of him, but something about it made his insides twist pleasantly. It was as if every part of Remus, even the part he had no say over, wanted him near. That's how it seemed to him, anyway.

"But whether I understand why or not isn't really an issue. It's alright, Moony, really. I don't mind it, it was just odd to hear." He chanced a look up at Remus. "You always know what he feels?"

"Errr, well," Remus scratched at the back of his head, not realizing that he was getting plaster dust in it, and shrugged. It was hard to describe, the ties between him and the wolf. Sometimes he would remember things, as if seeing them through a haze, and other times he would remember nothing. It depended on how bad the episode was, how he was feeling prior to the change, and whether or not the other Marauders were around. They always helped him keep calm when the werewolf took over.

"Not always. I mean, the werewolf is me, so I guess he can sense that--well, that we're all friends." Not on, Remus! It wouldn't do for him to give everything away, it'd only make the situation worse than it already was.

Sirius hated himself as he felt his spirits drop. Over the couple of days he'd spent on his own, he'd come to terms with the fact that he wanted Remus. It was still very awkward and he didn't really know what he wanted to happen, but he'd never been very good at lying to himself. There was no denying that he wanted Remus in a more-than-friendly manner, especially after what had happened between them. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about it and it was driving him crazy. When he'd come to the conclusion that it was the wolf in charge, and not Remus, he was even more devastated at the turn of events, thinking that Remus wouldn't want to be around someone, a very male someone that obviously liked him, anymore.

But then Remus had said that it wasn't just the wolf. It had given him the pained hope that maybe things could be okay between them, and that maybe things might one day be able to progress between them.

Now, Remus was saying that the werewolf merely knew he was a friend? What did that have to do with anything that had happened?

"So..." He started slowly. "He's possessive of all of us?" Sirius squashed the voice inside that was yelling 'No, it's not the same, it can't be the same way!'

Something was wrong there. Remus couldn't figure out just what it was, but something was off about Sirius' tone of voice, almost like he was disappointed. But that couldn't be right, could it? He had to have hated what had happened, right? He must be imagining things. Even so...

"Um, sort of? I guess to an extent? How do I explain this..." Remus trailed off, worrying his lower lip between his teeth, trying to find the best way to word his thoughts, without it sounding too strange. "We're all like a pack, right? And in each pack, everyone plays their part. So, yes, he's possessive of everyone, but...it varies. On who it is." He could just hope that Sirius didn't question him more, though he was fairly certain his hopes were in vain.

Sirius tried to slow his racing mind; he was beginning to give himself a headache and he could feel his pulse pounding in his temples. The words he wanted to say were caught in his throat and he wasn't sure that this all wasn't happening a bit fast. He had only just come to accept his own feelings, who knew if Remus had things sorted out in his head; would it be fair to ask just yet?

None of this was fair, though. Things never went how they were supposed to and the "right time" never really came, you just sort of had to run with things and hope everything turned out alright. That's how he'd always lived his life and he didn't know any other way to be. Besides, if he waited, he'd go madder than he already was.

"Moony," He took a deep, silent breath, unsticking the words from his throat. "Who am I in your pack? What part do I play?"

Eyes widening in fear, it was only a moment before Remus' expression shuttered, hiding his true reaction. Inside, he was having a small panic attack. He was a terrible liar, and if he tried, Sirius would know and call him on it. But how could he tell the truth?

After sorting through his options, he really did have no choice, and he steeled his reserve, heart beating a nervous tattoo within his chest. Kiss your hopes of maintaining a friendship with him goodbye, Remus.

"I suppose...if I had to say what part you play...it'd be..." He mumbled the answer, voice barely audible, and nearly indecipherable, cheeks afire with his embarrassment.

For one breathless moment, Sirius thought he might have heard him wrong, but that quickly passed as the whispered word rang clear.

Mate.

A word that they usually tossed around so easily was filled with new meaning, one that made Sirius feel like his heart was trying to beat itself out of his body. In their pack, Remus wanted him for a mate, wanted him enough to get possessive. The very thought made Sirius want to show Remus, rather than tell him, that the wolf wasn't the only one who wanted to claim someone for their own.

"Good," He managed to murmur, his voice hoarse as he reached for the boys' wrist hesitantly. Lifting his gaze from the floor, he caught amber eyes with his own grey and held them. "I- you..." He swallowed. "That's the part I was hoping for."

Hand spasming in shock when warm fingers encircled his wrist, Remus jerked his head up, eyes wide and staring at Sirius incredulously. "Wha..."

It was like the cogs in his brain were slowly clicking into place, processing what Sirius had said. This couldn't be happening, couldn't be real, he was sleeping here in the warehouse. After all, Sirius must hate him, right? Though his arguments were sounding quite weak, even to himself, especially in the face of the sincere look in Sirius' eyes. "Really?"

"Really." Sirius said, the tone of his voice leaving no room for argument. "I just... never really knew it until recently." He couldn't remember the last time he had felt himself blushing; he didn't know if he ever really had before this. Taking a step forward, he closed the small distance between them, searching Remus' eyes briefly. "But I wouldn't have it any other way." Hesitating for just a moment longer, he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Remus' lips.

Remus tentatively kissed back, not quite so sure what to do now that he wasn't under the influence of one of the city's curses, as he hadn't much experience with such things. Being a teenage werewolf sort of held one back from such activities as snogging and the like. After a moment he broke away, laughing a bit nervously. "I suppose I didn't want to acknowledge it. After all, who wants to admit that they fancy one of their best mates? Makes things dashed awkward."

Sirius pushed away the slight frustration he felt at Remus having broken the kiss; this was Moony, after all, and he was the nervous sort. He ran a hand through his hair and grinned at the awkward boy. "I have a feeling we had the same ideas about all this before- well." He shook his head. "Anyway. I've been bashing my head into walls trying to get my head straightened out, and when I finally did it didn't help much. Still didn't have any clue as to how you felt and it drove me crazy." For the first time in what felt like weeks, a true smile lit his face.

Lips quirking with amusement, Remus reached up and brushed aside a lock of Sirius' hair, which some would say was overly long, but it suited him well. "I hope you don't mean that literally, as it still seems to be a bit off-kilter. Plus you wouldn't look so good with a load of bumps and bruises." He sobered slightly then, staring back directly into Sirius' eyes. "No need to worry about that, Pads. All right?"

This new development between them did bring up quite a few problems, though, ones that had Remus nibbling on his lower lip again. "What d'we tell Prongs? About," and he gestured vaguely with one hand at the two of them, "all this?" He didn't want to lose James over this, but neither did he want to lose Sirius either.

A small thrill of happiness flared in his chest as Remus messed with his hair; he wondered if things like that had always made him feel that way or if he was just noticing it now. He let the werewolf's reassuring words sink into him; there was no need to worry now. Things were between them were good, even better than he'd hoped for.

But then Remus brought up a problem he hadn't really given much thought. "I dunno," He scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Dunno if James would WANT to know, really. Think we should tell him?" What they would actually tell Prongs, if they told him anything, he couldn't even imagine. How would they describe their... relationship? Was that what this was?

"Hmmm," Remus pondered this, fingers still trailing through Sirius' hair, this physical closeness comfortable after so many years of friendship and sharing a dormitory. "Tough call, that. Don't want to lie to him, but maybe we could just...not say anything? For now, until we know how he'll take it?" Did blokes even mention things like this? How did it go when two guys were together? There seemed to be quite a few poufs in this odd city, but in Hogwarts, such things had been kept rather hush-hush. Remus wasn't sure what was the right thing to do.

"I doubt we'll ever really know how James would take this sort of thing." Sirius muttered, imagining the many different ways James could take such a situation. James was usually pretty predictable, but he'd never been faced with such a thing before. Who knew what he'd think? "I think keeping quiet about it is best for now." He said, hooking his thumbs into Remus' belt loops to tug him closer. He unconsciously leaned into that wandering hand. "Wait until things get back to normal before we decide anything. Or at least, as normal as it ever is around here."

Tripping forward so that his body was flush against Sirius', Remus sighed softly and nodded. "We're used to things not being normal, though. Don't get too much of that, what with Hogwarts and full moons and whatnot." He rested his chin on Sirius' shoulder, content to stay just like that for however long they could. "Will you accuse me of sounding like a girl if I say that I like this?" Because he truly did. He always enjoyed being near Sirius, but this was better, because he didn't have to worry about crossing boundaries anymore, or awkward moments.

Sirius felt something- something he REFUSED to call butterflies- hop around in his stomach at Remus' words. "I don't think I could bring myself to," he admitted, "as I rather like it a lot myself." He unhooked his hands from Remus' waist to travel up his back, holding the werewolf to him. Remus fit well against him; Sirius couldn't remember a time where he felt this good just having someone in his arms. He turned his head a bit to place a light kiss against dirty blond hair. "And we'll be like this quite often from now on, I imagine~" They would if he had anything to say about it, at least.

"So we're both girls. I guess I can accept that." Nuzzling closer to Sirius, Remus reached into his pocket and pulled out his wand, aiming at the wall and murmuring an incantation with a perfect swish and flick, the shackles he had been working on reinforcing themselves into the wall perfectly, held there with both stone and magic. "Shall we finish things up here and go back to the apartment?"

"Sounds like a plan." Sirius grinned, kissing Remus swiftly before moving away to start fixing up the basement. After all, the sooner they finished here the sooner they could get back to their apartment. He'd missed having a bed and sharing a room with Moony was going to be a lot more fun these days.