tampered | log; ongoing

log; ongoing

When; Friday, Sept. 26.. evening
Rating; PG-13
Characters; Tenjou Utena

thegirlprince & Himemiya Anthy

hime_ja_nai
Summary; Utena has a confession to make.
Log;

Utena couldn't stop pacing. While she had been previously keeping herself busy with deep knee lunges, she had switched to wearing a circle in the living room rug. Her nerves had been building for days, and now that it was time.. well.. she wished she didn't have to do this. But she did. She owed it to Himemiya.

Speaking of Himemiya, Utena wasn't quite sure just where the other girl was. Now that her brother was gone, the prince couldn't figure out what it was her companion went out and did all the time. Not that she would bother to ask. Knowing Himemiya, they were things she'd rather not know about. She was just waiting.. for her to come back. So they could talk. So she could confess.

"What if she hates me?"

Unfortunately, the apartment wasn't capable of answering.

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Not long after Utena's question to the waiting walls of the apartment, Anthy indeed came through the door, bearing several bags of groceries.

What she did do through the day to keep herself occupied was actually not that shocking. Without her brother present there was little need to continue with his plans.

Which left her to her own. She tended to simply wander around, watching people, occasionally starting a "conversation" in which she effectively made the other person's skin crawl for no apparent reason. Oh, she did love that.

Today, however, she had opted to purchase some provisions for there was only so long that a person could survive on flavored ice.

"Tadaima," she said before moving straight to the kitchen to deposit the bags, seemingly unconcerned by the circle being worn into the rug.

The moment Himemiya breezed through the door saw Utena ground to halt. She watched with troubled blue eyes as the other girl went into the kitchen to begin putting her purchases away. The prince wasn't sure of exactly what to do with herself in that moment. She stepped toward the kitchen, then seemed to think better of it and took a step back.

"Okaeri..." it was more of an afterthought, said softly on an exhalation of breath.

"Hi-Himemiya... can I ask you a question?" Pause. Slight blush. "O-Other than that one.. obviously."

She turned, holding a carton of eggs in her hands. Something was bothering the other girl. Were it anyone else, Anthy would have sunk her nails in and prodded at the unknown wounds. But not with Utena.

"Of course, Utena."

"What is it... that you want... from me? Or... in general, or...?" There was a strangled sound as Utena got frustrated with her inability to communicate properly, and she snapped her jaw shut. She chose to instead look at Himemiya, eyes clearly communicating her both her embarrassment and plea that the girl answer her.

Anthy set the eggs down and walked toward Utena and took both of her hands in hers. She may not have understood the question, or at least what Utena had meant--or perhaps she did. One way or another her eyes were clear and her voice completely serious when she spoke.

"I don't want anything from you," she said, squeezing the other girl's hands. "For the first time... there are no motives. No deception. I just want to be with you now."

No deception.

The words hit Utena square between the eyes, and she winced, immediately pulling her hands free. She shook her head and took a few steps away from Himemiya, her back to the girl. Fists clenched and unclenched at her sides.

"I..." she began, trying to find her voice. "I want that too. But... I need to tell you something. And.. And I'm just.. I think it might change how you feel."

She gave a small smile. It would take a lot for Utena to change her mind. And she was positive that Utena simply wasn't capable of what it would take.

"I doubt that. What is it you need to tell me, Utena?"

After a few silent moments of steeling her will, Utena turned around and looked at the other girl. Honestly, she was always struck by how beautiful Himemiya was at the absolute worst times. So her mouth opened and no sound came out for at least ten seconds. Then she seemed to jumpstart.

"I've been having an affair." Well wasn't that an odd thing for a teenager to be saying? "Err.. well.. until recently. And.. And I know that technically you can't have an affair if there's not anyone you're cheating on, and I know that we aren't exactly explicitly involved, but I've always felt like I was supposed to be with you. And I was with someone else. And it felt like cheating... to me. And..."

Head dropped forward as blue eyes focused on the floor.

"Gomen nasai, Himemiya. Honto ni... Gomen."

Her brows knit slightly. An affair? That was... rather interesting. Like Utena herself said, you can't have an affair if there's no one to be cheating on. It seemed so... innocent to her.

Of course, perhaps that was because she was so ruined in what most people would consider normal emotions.

Innocent. That was indeed the word she would use. Because she could see how much this information hurt the other girl. She was so used to people using other people that this sort of reaction surprised her. She smiled slightly and moved forward again, reaching to cup Utena's face.

"Whatever happened, did your reasoning ever fall back to hurting me?"

Blue eyes went impossibly wide, as if that scenario had never even occurred to her.. which it hadn't. At all. Sure she'd thought about that she would be hurting Himemiya.. but that would have never been her reason. It was just.. it just.. happened. Utena shook her head once, emphatically.

"NO!" Then she looked shaken by the volume of her voice and was quiet the second time. "No. Never. I... I'm so so sorry."

The smile remained on her face through Utena's vehement answer. She was so... noble.

"Then it's alright."

It was... odd... Outside of being used by her brother... and set in front of his pawns in whatever way was necessary to meet his goals... she had never really wanted contact with another person before.

And taking a leap of fate, she raised on the balls of her feet and gently pressed her lips to Utena's.

Utena. Meet shock.

The girl prince's body went rigid, shoulders squaring and stiffening as her brain rushed to compute exactly what was happening here. She was confessing.. to an affair.. and was being punished by.. kiss? What? Why was Himemiya..?

But this was what she wanted, yes? Right?

And despite the conflict raging in her head, her arms rose to circle the dark-skinned girl's small waist, and she pressed back.

Her lips curled against Utena's for a brief second. The girl's confusion emanated off of her.

She broke the kiss briefly only to press in a second time, glad that Utena seemed to be relaxing at least a little.

Utena was relaxing. Second by second she was giving into the sublime feeling building in her chest. It was different from that horrible warmth in the snow that day.. the day she had seen the extent of this Himemiya's suffering. This warmth was genuine and real and nice and...

Her arms tightened around the other girl's waist, one hand sliding up to press between her shoulderblades.

She relaxed back onto her feet, her hands moving from Utena's jaw down to her shoulders.

Really... this wasn't an outcome she had thought of where Utena was concerned. Or at least her Utena. But this one... was a little different, wasn't she?

Well... not that different.

After a few more moments of silent enjoyment, Utena finally pulled back. And despite that she had wanted something like this to happen, in her mind it always occurred under entirely different circumstances. So she was still confused. Blue eyes were somewhat unfocused, but brows drew together.

"Himemiya..." she wondered quietly. "Nande..?"

She remained serious. Neither closed off, nor creating any sort of front.

"It seemed like you needed reassurance..." she paused a moment. "And... it felt right."

Utena blinked, and it wasn't the first time the prince wondered just what was going on behind Himemiya's glasses. Still, she wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth. She just.. had questions.. Himemiya couldn't just forgive her like that. Could she?

"But.. But.. Just because I didn't mean to hurt you doesn't mean I didn't anyway... I..." she wanted to just take Himemiya's actions for what they were, after all it wasn't ~~ever~~ often that she behaved like this. There was just.. Utena couldn't imagine it could be that easy.

She touched Utena's face again. "You are assuming that I am hurt." She caught Utena's eyes with her own. "What would hurt me would be if my pain was your motive. And it clearly wasn't."

Utena didn't look away from the other girl's eyes. She was quiet for a few seconds as she digested Himemiya's words. It was very odd.. to think she hadn't been hurt in some way by all this. Then again, Utena reasoned, it was rather arrogant to think Himemiya hurt. Like her actions could've had that much of an impact. Either way.. she decided to think more about it later.

"I..." she began. "I don't want to hurt you, Himemiya..."

Damn. Lame. She felt like a broken record.

She took Utena's hands, studying them for a moment. "I know what you want," she said quietly, those words she had heard that decade or so ago echoing in her mind. "'Then I'll become a prince.'" She looked up again. "'I'll become a prince and save her.'"

"Hai," she answered confidently, despite her voice almost cracking with emotion. "Hai, Himemiya. I've always wanted to save you."

And then she leaned down, somewhat timidly, and pressed a soft kiss against the other girl's mouth.

She smiled gently, returning the same gentle kiss, one hand lifting to rest low on Utena's shoulder.

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log; ongoing

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OMG YAY FOR THIS ICON FINALLY BEING USED! <3

<3!!!

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I needs me a better Anthy/Utena icon, lol

You can get ones of the nekkie!movie kissage. :D

Oooooooooo...

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