tampered | Log: Complete

Current Mood: uneasy

Log: Complete

When; Saturday night, June 27
Rating; Possible Teen for reference to violent and bloody acts.
Characters; Promise [

missesthestars] and Niko [

cal_sitter]
Summary; Niko and Promise need to have an honest word with each other if they refuse to give up what they had.
Log;

Saturday nights are Promise's time to look after Niko on her own. The arrangements were worked out prior to his return home, and he doesn't argue. He asked for Promise to stay. That much he can decipher from the jumble of hazy memories much of his waking time in the hospital has become. The practical side of him can say that it's only reasonable she should. She has experience as a nurse. The rest of him has to admit that he still loves her. They can't continue as they have been if that's the case, but he doesn't know how to be with a woman who shares the visage of the monster whose actions murder his brother in his sleep every night.

Tonight, as agreed upon, they'll talk. Where the talk will lead them and what it means for their relationship, he can't say and won't guess. The best he can do is wait for her to come to the bedroom where he's meant to spend most of his time resting, and for one of them to be forward enough to broach the topic.

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Promise waits in the kitchen as long as she can and finally admits that bringing Niko cold tea would be somewhat inappropriate considering she'd been the one to suggest the hot. She swiftly assembles the tray with two cups, she may as well join him after all, and carries it to the bedroom.

The days since Niko was released have passed swiftly, too swiftly and once again Promise wonders if she's willing to hear what Niko has to say. If she's ready. But she'd said it herself, the longer they wait the worse it will be.

She calls out softly through the open door before she actually reaches the room, "Niko, may I come in?"

The cat that Niko finally convinced Robin could be resume full run of the apartment jumps down from the bed and twines between Promise's legs with a soft mew of welcome. Hal's owner watches him for a moment before he raises his eyes to meet Promise's for a bare second.

"Of course."

In the hospital it was easier to ignore what meeting those eyes has come to mean to him. He'd been so ill that much of the time Cherish was less than a ghost to him.

Promise notes the pause before Niko can look her in the eyes. It had been increasing since he'd left the hospital, and Promise knew that if he was having this hard a time now, how much worse will it be when the nightmares begin again.

If they haven't already.

For the moment she pushed it all aside, entering the room to lay the tray on the bedside table. She deftly began to pour, making random conversation.

"This is a slightly different blend then the one you had, it has some additional ingredients that are supposedly good for recovering after an illness. Tastes similar, though; however, if you don't like it, there's still some of your blend left."

She offers him the cup.

"Thank you." He wraps his fingers around the ceramic, and rather than address the awkwardness between them, tries a taste of the tea. "It's been blended well," he notes.

Hal chooses that moment to return to the bed, making certain to bump Niko's hand before curling into a ball against his thigh. The motion distracts Niko from the tea, which in turn gives him a moment to think about everything he's not saying. After setting the cup on the nightstand to his left, he rests one hand on the cat's warm fur.

"Will you have a seat?" he asks Promise, painfully polite. These things should be natural for both of them. They've shared their beds and their lives, so why should Promise wait on his invitation for something as simple as sitting down to talk?

"Certainly, if you like."

Manners. The refuge of people who are too cowardly to speak their minds. There was a time when she would feel as home in Niko's space as she did her own penthouse, why was she so cowardly now?

Her eyes trailed over Niko's bed past him to the headboard where her answer awaited. A picture of Cal with his familiar scrawl, posted where it was the first thing Niko would see every morning. A reminder. That the images in his nightmares were just that - images.

Images her daughter was responsible for.

Images that he could never erase from memory. There had been a few instances in the hospital when dreams had slipped past the drugs to remind him of what he'd seen that day, but always the same drugs had kept him quiet upon waking, surreally relaxed and unconcerned though he'd had a vague notion that something was wrong. It was easy enough to blame the notion on the fact that he was in the hospital.

Promise is right that the dreams are becoming more frequently and more vivid as he gains distance from the confusion of disease and the numbing effect of sedatives. For a moment, when he glanced at her standing at the door to his bedroom, he'd seen a flash of bloodied carpet and flayed skin in his mind's eye.

"I know there were prescriptions included with the discharge instructions to help with sleep. I won't use them. They won't help."

"Of course not, they don't address the... root of the problem."

Which means they are more or less back to where they were when she was pulled here. Promise doesn't look at him, guilty that her own child could be so cruel as to do this to another being and unwilling to add to that pain, so instead she looks at the folded hands in her lap.

She has to fight to keep her voice steady, "Would you like... do you... need me to leave?"

"No." The word slips from him too quickly, betrayal of a fear he'd hardly known was there and hadn't acknowledged. When he'd separated from Promise, he'd done so expecting her to wait until he was ready, if ever. In the City, he's forced to recognize the unfairness of that. He can't sever all ties with her until a moment of his choosing. He can't expect the luxuries of New York, where she's safe on her own.

"I meant what I asked at the hospital. I want you stay, and I want us to talk. What I asked of you is hurting you. We can't do this indefinitely."

A turn of his head allows him to look at Cal's photo, his little brother making a rude gesture either at the camera or the viewer, and the words scrawled across the bottom of the picture to remind him that it's not just an image, that Cal is alive and well and annoying.

"The first thing I see in the morning isn't the truth. That picture is."

The swiftness of his response takes Promise by surprise, but she listens - carefully - afraid to speak out of unease that he will still take it back. Because he's right, they can't go on, not in a place as unpredictable as the City, not when she feels like all she has is him. It's a bond that has to be strengthened, or severed because as it is now, it's hurting them both, not just her.

She follows his gaze to the picture again. "And what do you see when you look at me now, Niko? The truth or the lie?"

"Both," he tells her honestly. "It's been easier since I went home this last time-" Easier to retain his composure, easier to remember when he wakes with his heart drumming a desperate rhythm in the morning that Cal's death was only an illusion, easier to behave as though he's unaffected. "-but how long can we keep this up? However long it takes? I don't think we have that option."

Easier since he went home..? It takes a moment for the answer to come to her, her stomach clenching a little. Despite what she had told Ishiah, there was still that nagging voice telling her she should have done more in regards to Cherish, seen more of her lies, prevented more of what she did and the guilt rises.

"I don't know Niko, I wish I could have... I hate her more for this. This lingering pain she's left you? I wish I could take it away, replace it with something better because you're right. In the City we have... distractions, but here?"

She finally lifts her eyes to his. "I miss you, but I don't want to cause you anymore pain."

Niko's fingertips stray from the cat's fur to the double strand of beads coiled around his left wrist. Some days he uses the steel to deflect knife blades or teeth. Most days, he uses the malas to ground himself. Today, both activities feel remarkably similar. He's careful to meet her eyes when he speaks, careful to ignore the suggestions of old pain that flicker in his awareness like sparks that can easily become a fire. "I don't want you to leave."

She can see the pain, and tentatively reaches out to touch Niko's arm. "I don't want to leave. So what should we do?"

Promise's voice gets a little harder, remembering Niko's coping mechanisms back home, realizing that his normal outlets are closed, especially with Cal gone. "You can't kill this away with trips to the Forest or the Underground, Niko - not here, especially not after being ill."

[ooc: Totally forgot the "New York" in front of that "City", on that last tag - sorry!]

"It helps." He's been more careful in the weeks since Cherish's death, taking fewer detours to places where he can hunt, hunting smaller numbers, returning at reasonable times. Robin, maybe Ishiah, might have noticed, but anyone else is unlikely to know about the excursions. All of them have seen Niko as they believe he should be.

Promise has no need to see. She knows him too well. The comfort of that understanding is sorely missed.

"Can we try again?"

[ooc: No problem! The typo fairy likes to visit logs.]

Promise allows herself a small smile of relief. "I'd very much like to."

In her long life, she's never quite met someone like Niko, someone who so easily fits into her life and her habits, someone who knows what she is and doesn't care. And while she know it will be difficult, just the option of having that trust again is enough to give her real hope.

"But you need to tell me, Niko. Tell me when it gets hard for you so I can help. Don't shut me out anymore."

Cal asked Niko once if good enough is good enough. He wants, as any devoted little brother does, the best for his only family. Good enough, Niko has learned, comes from both sides. Promise has made mistakes, and she's made them for all of the right reasons, for the same reasons Niko makes his: to survive and to protect loved ones.

He takes her hand as she took his in the hospital, the familiar soft skin smooth beneath calloused fingers.

"You may have to remind me. I'm used to doing this alone." The accompanying smile holds a hint of humor to soften the truth. "Robin's easier to redirect."

Promise's smile widens as she leans closer to Niko, squeezing his hand and bringing it to her lips for a soft kiss. "I will, I'm not so easily dissuaded when there's something I want."

She knows it will take time, and he's not the only one who has spent too much time dealing with things alone. With his hand still near her cheek she takes a deep breath. "And as for me... there have been things I've done that I'm not proud of, but if you ever doubt or wonder, please ask. I don't mean to conceal things, but..."

"You've learned to hide the things that can do harm," Niko replies, not letting her hand go. "I realize that." He thinks he may have forgiven her for it as well, though he won't say the words until he's certain, to prevent the hurt they'll cause if he finds that he's wrong.

"I thought I understood what you'd come from. I didn't. Perhaps I was unreasonable."

"It wasn't unreasonable, I... I had my pride. You know who I am, today. A well-heeled socialite with unusual appetites and exceptional skin for someone my age."

Her smile rueful and a little self-deprecating fades a bit. "But who I've been, out of necessity, isn't always something I've been proud of. Isn't something you'd be proud of."

"All the more reason to tell me. I can't navigate your past blind." His grip loosens slightly, a partial withdrawal. "Do you think I expect you to be proud of everything I am or have been?"

"What do you want me to tell you, Niko. I'm a predator and all that implies." Promise pulls back completely, tucking her knees under her chin and wrapping her arms around her legs. "A century ago, you would have been food to me, nothing more. Regrettable perhaps, and I wouldn't kill you intentionally, but it was unavoidable sometimes."

She closes her eyes. "Like you and Cal, I've done what was necessary to survive. To keep myself and later... to keep safe. Unlike you, I haven't been as fortunate in some of my choices or alliances - however temporary. Seamus would be a perfect example."

A predator for a killer. The pairing has an elegant synchronicity. "I have no right to stand judgment over the measures you employed to stay alive and whole."

Niko folds his hands in his lap. It spares him the habit of tossing a knife. "All I can ask of you is to trust me."

"I do trust you, Niko. I'm just not sure what I can tell you to allow you to trust me again. I don't know where to begin."

Where could she begin? What aspect of her long and storied past will be next to haunt them? And to think her most serious concerns used to be the various distaff relatives whose inheritances she calmly collected for herself.

"The best I can do is to swear to you that should any other acquaintances from my past arrive, I will tell you all I know and answer any question."

"It's a start." He raises his hand to tuck a lock of brown-and-pale gold hair back from her face. "We'll get to know each other again."

When he draws his hand back, Hal chooses the moment to remind him that there are two perfectly good servants in the room and neither is paying attention to the cat. Niko releases an exasperated sigh as his fingers are subjected to gentle but playful gnawing.

"We will." Promise leaned a bit into his touch, another little habit renewed that she had missed.

Smiling at Hal's actions she stood and leaning to give Niko a light kiss on the cheek she chuckled, "I think someone is jealous. I'll leave you to pay some attention to the really important person in the room."

"I thought that's what I was doing." When Niko smiles, it's one of the rare, open expressions he reserves for those who mean the most to him. "You're really going to leave me at the mercy of a neglected housecat?"

The smile touches Promise, it's rare that she sees it but she doesn't resist the opportunity to lightly tease Niko. "I think I am. Consider it your punishment for making me have to deal with Robin this last week."

"I'm fairly certain there's a law against this," but as he protests, Niko begins the mental calculations to determine if he has enough money put away to buy her a new string of pearls.

With an affectionate but smug expression Promise counters, "I'm fairly certain I remember someone mentioning the City didn't have any real laws during the last election."

She gathers her tea, but leaves the still-warm pot. "I'll go finish cleaning the kitchen and come back."

She heads toward the door, feeling somewhat at peace for the first time since arriving in the City.

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Log: Complete

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