tampered | log; complete

log; complete

When; July 10th (backdated)
Rating; PG
Characters; Lockon Stratos (

haroicsacrifice) and Setsuna F. Seiei (

denyinurgod)
Summary; Gundam Meisters don't have normal hobbies. Instead, they like to lurk in recently vacated apartments brooding and/or philosophizing.
Log;

The apartment formerly occupied by Lyle Dylandy and Anew Returner is empty now. Let's wait to see how long that lasts, shall we?

...The answer: barely a day, if that. At half past midnight, the doorknob rattles, then rattles again. On the other side, the remaining Dylandy twin (who isn't really the remaining one, not where it counts) looks down at in in blank disappointment (in the absence of any other people, barely bothering with a hint of a frown). Then he takes out a key and tries that. It also fails to work.

That draws a momentary reaction from him, although his (lack of an) expression doesn't change. "How did he know to change the locks...?" A pause. "It doesn't matter now." He's prepared for it, anyway; he takes a long pin out from a pocket. It's too makeshift to be a proper lockpick, but too convenient to not have been packed for that purpose beforehand. He settles into a half-crouch, patiently working at the lock. It takes him longer than it would someone with real experience in the skill, but that doesn't seem to bother him. He has plenty of time.

When the door finally clicks open, Lockon rises to his feet and steps into the apartment, closing the door behind him. He surveys the room he's entered without any visible reaction. Lyle lived here, if only for a little while. Neil is only here to watch. Some patterns change, and others don't.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

For someone to disappear from the City, sometimes with warning, oftentimes simply vanishing as if they were never there, save for the reminder in the Hall of the Missing that there once was someone with this name, with this face, isn't something new to him anymore. And when he hears that Lyle and Anew had left, he doesn't dwell on it. Everyone is simply back where they belong.

But not everyone left behind holds the same sentiment.

Like him, for example. He knows how important Lyle means to him, how he fought for his younger twin's future, how he died... And he doesn't even think twice when he decides to head to Lyle's apartment. He knows he's there, no explanation; he just knows. And when he arrives the apartment is empty (he locks the door out of habit—everything should be secure, one can never predict when an enemy can attack), but he knows it won't stay that way. Without anything else to do, he steps further inside the apartment, scanning the now empty room where two of his comrades once stayed.

We still have something to achieve in our world, he thinks, and it's directed not only to Lyle and Anew, but to himself, as well. Our mission to fight for the future of humanity. But to change the world, I must first change— But his thoughts are cut short by the click of the apartment door.

He turns just in time to catch Lockon's blank expression.

Lockon isn't sure what he expected to find--he isn't really one to speculate about that sort of thing. Some cigarettes, probably, for him to be unimpressed at. Maybe some papers that he could glean some useful information from, although there's no real reason for his brother to have something like that in the City. More likely, a particular placement of furniture or silverware that would remind him of how things once were. That would make it all worth it, even if by now he knows that's not a good thing.

He definitely didn't expect to find Setsuna.

Lockon stops, well, dead in his tracks (sorry). After a second, he remembers himself, and how things should be a little different now that he knows someone else is here--and Setsuna of all people--and he blinks in surprise and pulls out a confused look. "Setsuna? Did Lyle leave something for you?"

Don't think he didn't catch that quick shift in expression, Lockon. He decides not to say anything about it, however (what is there to say, anyway?) and shakes his head.

"No. Did he leave one for you?"

If Setsuna did catch it, there's nothing Lockon can do about it now. It isn't so bad that it's Setsuna of all people, anyway. If he finds out more than Lockon is comfortable with...at least he might be able to learn something from it.

"Nothing," he says. "He must not have had a lot of time. Or maybe he just didn't have a lot to say--Anew was the only person here he was close to, and she went with him."

"Then it's good that they left together." He says this as if it's the most logical conclusion to have (maybe it is). But he knows that Lockon isn't here just to check if they really are gone, or he wouldn't have gone through the trouble of picking the lock. And so he goes ahead and asks:

"More importantly, why are you here?"

Edited 2009-07-21 03:31 (UTC)

The smile Lockon gives at that is somewhat sheepish, like Setsuna just caught him sneaking a cookie before dinner. He laughs a little. "I guess I can't really say I was just planning on tidying up after him."

He leans against the wall, looking down at the end table next to him. There's a pack of cigarettes there; he picks it up, frowns at it, and puts it back down. Then there's no more excuse for him to stall, and he looks back at Setsuna, serious now, even if it's not an easy thing for him to say. "Wherever he was is the closest I'll ever get to home again, so I wanted to have a last look at it before it's someone else's place."

Lockon pauses for a moment, then looks away, his good eye closing, a small and rueful smile on his face. "Well, I might've felt like that even when I was alive. Things aren't very different now."

Setsuna is silent for a while, eyes drifting to the floor. Home... He didn't have that, or at least not anymore, but Misao once told him that he still did have a place to return to, a home in his comrades. And perhaps she's right; the crew on the Ptolemaios might not be related by blood, but they were the closest he had to a family now. Still...

A home, a family... Lyle only had Lockon, too.

"During the mission to destroy the Memento Mori, he fired the shot that concluded the battle."

As Setsuna speaks, Lockon looks up again. It's not even a conscious choice: it's just that he knows that when Setsuna speaks, it's something important. Especially now that he's gone so much farther, gotten so much closer to the answer than Lockon himself ever did.

Lockon looks a little puzzled for a moment. The Memento Mori? It's not a name that holds any relevance to him. After a second, though, the answer comes to him, and along with it the reason it took so long to remember: it's one of the things the others had to face in the future he's never really concerned himself with.

"That's not a surprise." He smiles. "I hope you guys didn't doubt that he could do it."

"Sumeragi would not have given him such a task if she did not believe he would be successful," he replies almost instantly, raising his eyes. "And not just her..."

Back then, the thought of Lockon—Lyle—failing didn't even cross his mind. There was a reason why he recruited Lyle into Celestial Being, after all. Initially, he had doubted his actions, not because he thought Lyle was incapable of being a Gundam Meister but because he didn't know if Lockon would have approved (he didn't).

But everyone had something to fight for, and Lyle had been no exception. That's why...

"Surely, you were important to him, too."

Edited 2009-07-22 02:37 (UTC)

"That's right." Lockon looks away again, half-smiling as if at a private irony. For a moment it seems like he might say something more--but then Setsuna speaks once more, and he looks up, startled. "Was I...?"

His laugh is quiet, self-deprecating, and a little too easy. "My brother is much better at moving on than I ever was, Setsuna. Even after Anew...he won't miss me too much, and he'll be all right. So long as..."

So long as he doesn't fall in battle. So long as he doesn't follow the same path his older twin did. Lockon can't shake the memory of his brother seized with the same rage that drove him to his own death.

"I can't say I ever wanted him to have my name, Setsuna." He's speaking about more than just a silly fake name, of course; that's only the easiest way to talk about it. "But if you gave it to him, and he accepted it, both of you must have had your reasons."

He nods, but doesn't say anything further. If he doesn't understand now, then he will eventually, right? Because Lockon once told Setsuna to change in place of him, but if he could, he would want Lockon to understand, too.

"I won't let him die," he promises. "The mission of the Gundam Meisters comes first. Should anything endanger the mission, then I will take care of it."

"I know," Lockon says. "I've got every reason to trust you." But he slumps a little against the wall. "You can't promise that, though. We're all responsible for our own lives. You couldn't save me because I didn't want to be saved. He has to decide for himself that he wants to live."

His expression is more serious and more troubled than usual, but it doesn't really convey the panic that threatens to rise in him at that thought. He knows that the same thing he just told Setsuna should apply to him too: he isn't his brother's keeper, and he can't make sure he's safe forever. But that doesn't stop him from feeling like he should. From feeling like it's different for him.

But that's not something Setsuna needs to hear. This is: "So that's the promise I want from you, instead. That you'll try your best to live."

"He will live. If he understands what we are fighting for, then he will."

He notices the troubled expression and grows thoughtful for a while before continuing. "You're always in his memory—and in ours, as well. So... keep watching over us." Because maybe there are things Lockon needs to hear, as well.

There's another pause. "And I will, too. I will live for the future."

Lockon looks up. When he offers a smile at that, it's gentler and more meaningful than any he's shown in a while, before it broadens again into one of his usual grins. "What kind of question is that? Of course I will. For as long as I can." That's all he can offer; like most of those paused after death in the City, he doesn't know what waits for him after he leaves. He only knows that it's easier for him to accept than the prospect of more living--and that that isn't a good thing.

He pushes off the wall he was leaning on and takes a few steps forward, to survey the room. "Hey, Setsuna." His voice is light, but there's an ache underneath it and at the edges of his expression. "Do you think I missed a chance? When my brother was here, I mean."

He blinks at the question. Despite him trying his best to associate more with others, to talk to them and be a part of their activities and conversations, he still finds it hard to adjust; perhaps it's something that simply takes a while to develop. He also doesn't really quite know how brothers are supposed to treat each other, what with not having one of his own (among other countless things). It's because of that that he's not entirely sure of what to say—did Lockon miss a chance?—but he believes Lyle had tried to understand Lockon. Or maybe he already had.

"He'll understand why."

He feels the need to say something else, so he does. "If you're wondering whether you did enough for him... He has not only your codename, but his memory of you and of the things you did for him. If he treasures that, and if he fights for the future with that in mind, then you've done what you can. He'll fight for a future with the memory of you alive within him."

Edited 2009-07-22 10:17 (UTC)

"Will he?" Lockon isn't looking at Setsuna now; he's looking at the room around him, trying to discern some clue that he couldn't from his brother himself. "I don't."

His smile has faded, although at least what replaces it is pensiveness rather than the absence of expression he wore upon entering the apartment. "We don't have a lot of memories of each other. I don't know if he told you, but we hadn't spent much time together since we were twelve. After a while I thought that was all right so long as I could protect him." But he couldn't, and while he could pretend otherwise as long as Lyle was distant, meeting him here changed that, ripped open all the wounds Neil keeps covered so well most of the time, and reminded him exactly why he stayed so far away in their own world. It's so much easier for him to be a good brother to people who aren't his brother.

But Lyle isn't here now, so even if it hurts to lose whatever that chance was, what's ahead should be easier. Lockon looks up to meet Setsuna's gaze once more, smiling again. "It doesn't really matter anymore. I don't need those chances. I want you and Lyle to have them instead, Setsuna. If you see a chance to change that I walked away from, take it. That way, someday you'll be someone who can be happy in that future you're making."

"He would." There is certainty in his statement though he can't explain why; it's not the first time he's felt something like this, either, so he's momentarily puzzled.

But he quickly shakes the feeling away. Whatever it was, he will understand eventually. Maybe here, maybe when he returns to their world; regardless, he simply knows that he would.

He listens quietly as Lockon speaks, blinking, slight confusion rising within him as Lockon goes on. Another subject that he can't quite comprehend yet. "I will change. But... does it really not matter to you? That chance."

Edited 2009-07-23 10:46 (UTC)

Setsuna may not understand how he knows--but Lockon trusts that he does. He looks thoughtful for a moment at the certainty in that statement: it may puzzle Setsuna, but it pleases Lockon. He likes seeing Setsuna that much closer to the answer.

He just wishes Setsuna weren't so close to answers about him, too. There are so many better things he could be thinking about--no, that's an excuse. The truth is it makes Lockon uncomfortable to talk about these things. He's on much more comfortable ground when talking about other people's problems. But it's Setsuna, and he's owed as much of an answer as Lockon can dig out of himself. "If it had mattered that much, I would have lived. It isn't a good thing, that it doesn't matter." And even that-- "It matters. Just not enough."

Listening to Lockon's explanation only makes him more confused, more filled with questions—things such as why wouldn't it, when Lyle is family? or did the mission not matter that much either? or even did your life not matter?—some signs as to the answers might have been there before, some even spoken by Lockon himself, but even then he simply didn't reflect on things like these up until recently: when he decided that he would find a way to understand people.

So he simply asks: "Why?"

That's the thing about keeping your troubles close, so close that even you can't see them unless you really look: no one ever gets to ask you why. It's a lot easier that way. But Setsuna is asking Lockon that now. Well, that's Setsuna; it's not like he hasn't made Lockon do all-new things before.

It takes a little while for Lockon to be able to phrase a response to that, even though he knows it perfectly well. He fills up the silence with a sigh; he lifts a hand to his head and looks away for a moment. It would be a little much to smile right now, so he doesn't. After a few moments, he says, "I cared more about the past than the future. I didn't really want to change the world, in the end. I just wanted to fix it."

He stares at Lockon for a while as he tells himself again that he can't change the past itself, but he can change how he looks at it. And if he can change himself, then maybe he could change the world, too.

But he would not have come to that conclusion without Lockon's guidance. So in a way, Lockon has—is also contributing to the future. "You will change the world, through me, through Celestial Being.

"I can't bring you back from the dead, and I can't change what I did in the past. However, I can continue to fight to create a better future, and in each of my battles you will be with me, fighting together with me. That is something that I will not forget."

Edited 2009-07-25 14:04 (UTC)

Lockon is silent for a long moment, staring back at Setsuna with an uncharacteristically startled expression. He's used to hearing Setsuna say things that cast the world in a different light for him--but not in those serene tones. Not with that assurance.

He does smile now. And then he laughs.

"It's funny!" he says. "Here you were looking to me to help you out, and you always wanted to change the world more than I ever did. I think you're better at it, too."

He blinks, wondering for a moment if he had just cracked a joke—or maybe this is just how Lockon reacts to certain things, just like back on the island five years ago.

A tiny smile forms, nonetheless. "I do what I can."

Lockon's smile doesn't exactly broaden as Setsuna smiles in return--actually, it was already a pretty big and cheerful grin--but something about it softens. Maybe it's the gleam in his good eye.

"When you put it like that," he says, "I feel like I should do what I can, too. Even if it isn't a whole lot anymore." He pushes off the wall and looks around him. "We can start by getting out of here, though. There isn't really anything here anymore."

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

log; complete

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject