Neil Perry (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
had_not_lived) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
tampered2009-09-01 09:29 pm
had_not_lived) wrote in tampered2009-09-01 09:29 pm
☞ close the door and no one has to know how we are
When; Tuesday, 1st September
Rating; PG 13 might be too much to hope for from them
Characters; Neil Perry [![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
had_not_lived], Todd Anderson [mumbled_truth]
Summary; This conversation has been a long time coming, even if neither of them wants it to happen.
Log;
Neil was far from certain he was ready to do this. But who knew how much time they had here, either of them? Todd could be gone tomorrow-- and though it might be easier, might mean less strife between them, Neil knew that in the end he'd regret never confessing. As difficult as this was bound to be-- telling Todd was the right thing to do. He'd given nearly the same advice-- albeit on different matters-- to others, in the aftermath of revelation. It was easy to assure his friends that those who cared for them would forgive them, no matter the severity of what they'd done. Believing that Todd wouldn't mind the admission that he was in love with him was much tougher.
Maybe it was stupid, in essence trusting the City to tell him what he felt-- after all, a curse was just a curse. Why assume there was any truth to its implication? But the fact that it had raised the question at all, that he hadn't been able to simply dismiss it, proved the point. As did five months in a City full of beautiful women--all of whom he liked very much, and who had been kind-- and most of his hours spent in Todd's company. He had to admit, upon consideration, that it was less about making certain the shy boy got a fair share of socialization, than about his own unwillingness to be parted from him.
It helped a little to remember that it wasn't only him; that things were different here. People seemed to take it in stride that not all boys liked girls, not all girls liked boys. It was something of a shock, even as he considered his own questionable predilections. Common in vertebrates. Justin's sympathy had helped as well, though it was hard to accept without reservation, given what he now knew of the other boy's past. Caspian's insistence that love should never be shameful was a little more inspiring, if more foreign-- an ideal he'd like to aspire to, though he wasn't certain he had it in him. Living by a philosophy was more difficult than Neil had expected, but he'd taken the coward's way out already, once.
At least, if it'd been a girl, Neil would have some idea of how to proceed. Write her a poem, kiss her at a party, he thought wryly, smirking to himself, thinking of home, of Knox and his paramour Chris. Neil's mouth went dry considering either option. There was a world of difficulty between admitting (even to himself) that he had feelings for Todd, and being able to stomach the idea of anything physical. And as for poetry... maybe Todd would have had the right words. Neil didn't. The best he could hope for was to stammer out the gist of it and pray his friend didn't hate him. The possibility that Todd might reciprocate had scarcely occurred to him; he didn't dare hope for it, and somehow it seemed... statistically unlikely. That the two of them would both--
Is it any less likely than anyone falling in love? he wondered suddenly, shying away from the thought just as quickly. Neil couldn't get his hopes up about this. He knew he wouldn't been able to take it, if he did, if Todd turned from him. Better to take things one day-- one moment-- at a time. No matter what, Todd was his friend, first and foremost; he had to trust him. Trust their friendship.
Taking a deep breath, he rapped sharply on the doorframe to get Todd's attention, poking his head into the room with what he hoped was a nonchalant smile.
"Hey."
Rating; PG 13 might be too much to hope for from them
Characters; Neil Perry [
had_not_lived], Todd Anderson [mumbled_truth]Summary; This conversation has been a long time coming, even if neither of them wants it to happen.
Log;
Neil was far from certain he was ready to do this. But who knew how much time they had here, either of them? Todd could be gone tomorrow-- and though it might be easier, might mean less strife between them, Neil knew that in the end he'd regret never confessing. As difficult as this was bound to be-- telling Todd was the right thing to do. He'd given nearly the same advice-- albeit on different matters-- to others, in the aftermath of revelation. It was easy to assure his friends that those who cared for them would forgive them, no matter the severity of what they'd done. Believing that Todd wouldn't mind the admission that he was in love with him was much tougher.
Maybe it was stupid, in essence trusting the City to tell him what he felt-- after all, a curse was just a curse. Why assume there was any truth to its implication? But the fact that it had raised the question at all, that he hadn't been able to simply dismiss it, proved the point. As did five months in a City full of beautiful women--all of whom he liked very much, and who had been kind-- and most of his hours spent in Todd's company. He had to admit, upon consideration, that it was less about making certain the shy boy got a fair share of socialization, than about his own unwillingness to be parted from him.
It helped a little to remember that it wasn't only him; that things were different here. People seemed to take it in stride that not all boys liked girls, not all girls liked boys. It was something of a shock, even as he considered his own questionable predilections. Common in vertebrates. Justin's sympathy had helped as well, though it was hard to accept without reservation, given what he now knew of the other boy's past. Caspian's insistence that love should never be shameful was a little more inspiring, if more foreign-- an ideal he'd like to aspire to, though he wasn't certain he had it in him. Living by a philosophy was more difficult than Neil had expected, but he'd taken the coward's way out already, once.
At least, if it'd been a girl, Neil would have some idea of how to proceed. Write her a poem, kiss her at a party, he thought wryly, smirking to himself, thinking of home, of Knox and his paramour Chris. Neil's mouth went dry considering either option. There was a world of difficulty between admitting (even to himself) that he had feelings for Todd, and being able to stomach the idea of anything physical. And as for poetry... maybe Todd would have had the right words. Neil didn't. The best he could hope for was to stammer out the gist of it and pray his friend didn't hate him. The possibility that Todd might reciprocate had scarcely occurred to him; he didn't dare hope for it, and somehow it seemed... statistically unlikely. That the two of them would both--
Is it any less likely than anyone falling in love? he wondered suddenly, shying away from the thought just as quickly. Neil couldn't get his hopes up about this. He knew he wouldn't been able to take it, if he did, if Todd turned from him. Better to take things one day-- one moment-- at a time. No matter what, Todd was his friend, first and foremost; he had to trust him. Trust their friendship.
Taking a deep breath, he rapped sharply on the doorframe to get Todd's attention, poking his head into the room with what he hoped was a nonchalant smile.
"Hey."