Log in progress

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

When; The Friday after Thanksgiving
Rating; PG
Characters; Inara only_fell & Anna backseatangel
Summary; Anna and Inara have coffee and girl talk
Log;


Inara glanced at the time on her communicator. She was running the slightest bit late. She'd over slept that day which had put everything behind. She turned the corner, heading toward the coffee shop and caught sight of Anna in the window. She stepped inside the shop, moved over to the table and hugged the red head briefly before sliding into the seat across from her.

"I apologize for my tardiness. I got behind this morning and the entire day has run that way thus far. How are you?"

Comments

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

Anna smiled, she honestly hadn't noticed Inara running late, trapped in her own mind the way she was. She returned the hug and then closed her fingers around her coffee mug, still a bit too hot to drink, but warm enough to cradle in comfort.

"I'm okay. How are you?"

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

"I'm good," she answered with a slight nod. She ordered a pot of tea from a passing waitress then turned her attention back to Anna. "Finally relaxing a bit."

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"That's good to hear, Inara."

Anna took a tentative sip of her coffee, it was good. Not the best she'd had in the City, but good enough for an afternoon chat.

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

Inara's tea arrives and she takes a moment pouring a cup and adding a bit of sugar and lemon. She wrapped her hands around the cup, warming them as Anna had on her coffee.

"Did you enjoy your Thanksgiving? Priestly and I appreciate you coming so much and particularly staying to clean up."

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"Oh, I did, very much. Thank you for inviting me, I needed it."

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

"You're quite welcome. We enjoyed it," Inara responded. She took a sip of her tea.

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

Anna paused, now that she was here, she was completely unsure what to say. She cast about in her mind for something, anything, but came up blank.

"So... weather's nice today."

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

"Indeed. It's lovely. I've never been fond of the cold so I'm grateful it hasn't struck here yet."

Inara doesn't mind small talk. She's fairly good at it and if it will make Anna more comfortable, she's happy to do it.

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"Is space cold?"

Anna hastily adds, thinking she sounded a bit silly. "I mean on the ship you were on, was it often cold?"

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

Inara smiled. It wasn't a silly question at all. "Space is very cold. However, the ship had a thermostat system that kept it reasonably warm most of the time. Once the catalyzer broke. I'm not even certain what it does but when one is broken, the whole ship stops running. That meant the thermostat. We were all freezing."

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"Oh, God... that's creepy." Anna shuddered. "Just... stuck out there?"

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

Inara nodded in response. "We had two shuttles; one of them was mine. We split everyone up into shuttles with the exception of Mal. He stayed with the ship. It was a pointless act. We were too far out into space. However, obviously we were rescued. In a manner of speaking. Mal procured a catalyzer, got it in the ship and some point we decided if we were going to die, we might as well all die together. By the time we'd returned the shuttles to Serenity, Mal had already fixed her."

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"Go Mal." Anna tilted her head slightly, wondering. "Is he the Captain, this Mal guy?"

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

"He is," Inara nodded and took a sip of her tea. "He's deeply stupid and has antiquated ideas like 'the captain should go down with the ship'. It worked in his favor that time but it won't always."

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"I don't know, there's something to be said about that kind of nobility."

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

Inara's jaw clenched for just an instant. She took another sip of her tea and her face smoothed out to it's normal calm.

"Yes. There is and that is that it will get you killed."

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

Anna raises an eyebrow at Inara's vehemence but continues. "Maybe. But it's better to die for a purpose, for something you're passionate about, than for no reason at all."

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

"Passionate yes," Inara responded. "Dying out of reckless stupidity is another thing."

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"Is, was... is the ship part of who he is, part of his identity?"

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

"Serenity is as much Mal as any part of him but she is still a ship with parts that can be replaced provided her captain is alive to do so," Inara responded. "And that is only the beginning of Mal's reckless, stupidity. Trust me when I say it's hardly an isolated incident."

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"Maybe..." Anna took another sip, looking at the dark liquid as she set the cup down after. "But if there's something that's a part of you, no matter how foolish, it's a part of you. You want to keep it, no matter the cost."

She shrugged. "Other people may not understand it, they might tell you to let it go, that living is the more important thing, but for some... living without that part of you... it's not life."

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

"On this particular point, we are going to have to agree to disagree. I watched as the man nearly died. I begged him to go with us and was turned down. I understand what he was doing in the war. I understand why he nearly died. I do not understand nearly dying for a heap of metal." She took a sip of her tea and very carefully put the cup back down.

"In any case, it is a moot point. He survived as did his ship."

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"I guess so." Anna shrugged, Inara was willing to make concessions for survival. Her Captain wouldn't. Anna would be forced to.

"You really care about him, don't you?"

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

"I lived on his ship for well over a year. I'd have to be heartless not to," Inara answered.

It's not an answer. Not really and it doesn't say anything about the sort of relationship or feelings she had for Mal. Or perhaps it did.

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

Anna quirked an eyebrow, surprised that she'd seemed to have hit a nerve. Inara always seemed so... in control.

"I'm sorry, I'm prying, it's not my business, I guess I'm just... living vicariously these days."

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

"It's fine," Inara assured her, composure back in place. Mal had been able to shake hers since the day she'd met him.

"Malcolm Reynolds is easily the most infuriating man in the universe," she said with a bit of a smile. She took another sip of her tea and her smile spread a bit. "Vicarious living? Of any particular sort or just in general?"

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"In general." Anna stirred her coffee idly. "I'm trying to spend time around people, even if it's just sitting in a cafe like this... absorbing it."

Anna looked around, "There's so much to experience here, the smell of the coffee and the pastries that they sell, the warmth of the mugs when they're fresh, the sounds of laughter... it's so... precious. And rare and..."

She looked down, "...and I'm going to miss it so much when I lose it."

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

Inara arched an eyebrow up at Anna. She knew Anna had mentioned something about losing her human form before.

"You've discovered a way out of here then? Or you assume it will happen here?"

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

She shrugs again, there's a certain air of resignation and bitterness about the whole thing.

"It could happen here, a curse, but when I go home... it's like, the next day for me. I'll get my Grace back and become what I was, powerful, cold, and removed."

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

Inara considered that a moment then nodded. "I don't know what an angel is like. Not even remotely but I think perhaps cold and removed is up to you."

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"Not it's not, really."

Anna gave a sigh. "I mean it is, but it isn't. We don't have sensation like humans do. I told Dean... I told Dean that we're like marble statues, and we are. We don't feel, physical sensation or... emotional. It's all just dulled."

She ran a hand through her hair, "I don't mean to say that we're completely emotionless, it's just so damned... muted. Buried. Intellectualized."

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

Inara took a sip of her tea, uncertain what to say to Anna.

"Perhaps you won't return. It doesn't seem as if everyone does."

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"Sam and Dean did."

She said it as if it were fact, and proof enough for her.

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

Inara nodded, giving Anna a moment to consider her words.

"Sam and Dean aren't everyone, Anna. They're simply the two you were closest to."

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"And that's the other thing," Anna ran her hands through her hair again. "I wasn't even that close to them, I mean I was but..."

She was struggling for the right words, not wanting to belittle what the Winchesters had done for her, had yet to do for her, and yet still... "I'd only met them days before I was brought here. I'd been... I was in an institution before that, but before that... I was normal. A normal college student. And then, for lack of a better phrase, it all went to hell."

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

"Life is difficult for everyone. It seems to go to hell off and on regardless of who you are. We deal the best way we know how and hope for the very best."

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"Hope..." Anna was trying very hard to hold onto that.

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

"According to Emily Dickenson it's the thing that can't be crushed," Inara smiled softly.

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"Yeah." Anna didn't sound too sure.

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

"How can I help, Anna?" Inara asked, setting her tea cup on the table.

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"I don't know..." she turned the cup, still looking down at it. "I feel so... caught. I remember what I was and what I will be and I remember being human with no memory of that. But being human with that memory? I don't know what I am, Inara."

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

Inara thought about that a moment then nodded. "Maybe it's something you've simply got to have some time for and find your own way on it."

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

There's a sort dissatisfied sound that comes from Anna. "But what's the point? I mean really. This place isn't real, I'll forget it all when I go home and once I'm there I won't be like this long enough to even consider it."

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

"The point is the here and now, Anna. You don't know how long this will last. What's the point in being miserable the entire time you're here?" Inara asked curiously.

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"And I keep trying to tell myself that, Inara, I do but..." Anna's fingers carded through her hair and Inara can probably see just how much this bothers her. "...it's just always hanging there, over my head like the sword of Damocles or something."