Closed Ongoing

[dude-imbatman.livejournal.com]

When; Friday Night July 10
Rating; PG-13 up to R
Characters; Dean Winchester dude_imbatman and Anna backseatangel
Summary; Something's been bothering Dean so he decides to have a talk with Anna
Log;

He heads all the way up to the rooftop. He's not sure why except that it's a pain in the ass to get to for anyone who can't just blip in. Once he's up there he shoves his hands in the pockets of the leather jacket that was once John's and looks up to the sky. He puffs his cheeks out with air, holds the breath then lets it go in a burst before doing it again. He can't stand still, rocking back on his heels then to the flat of his foot then repeating the whole movement over. Sometimes he paces and finally he gets exasperated with himself and just yells out the way he always used to do with Cas.

"ANNA! Any chance you're hanging around?"

He's not even sure if Anna watches him the way Cas did when he was an angel but he's sort of got his fingers crossed she does.

But then again...if she does...he's going to have to come clean.

He hates coming clean. So damn much.

And yet it's going to bug the shit out of him if he doesn't.

Right.

Coming clean.

"ANNA!"

Comments

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"I'm right behind you."

And she is, almost as soon as the first words had left his mouth. He's not the only one with things to think about, and worries to deal with.

But he is the easiest of her former friends to be around at the moment, and so she's been... close. She's not watching all the time, but with Lucifer still inside Sam, there's little chance she's going to be far away at any given time.

"What do you want?

[dude-imbatman.livejournal.com]

Yes he jumps. And he might let out a sort of girly sound. But jeez!

"Christ...you should make noise when you--" and he trails off making a flying away gesture with one hand.

Oh right. He wanted--right. He clears his throat and shakes his head. "Just...I sort of haven't seen you since...you know the thing with the hospital and--"

Very expressive shrug here. Expressive of what, he wasn't sure. Mostly it's just stalling for time.

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"...And?"

She's a bit confused. Yes, she's been scarce since the curse, but after everything... she reasoned it was better. And she'd hardly been a permanent fixture before that.

[dude-imbatman.livejournal.com]

He forgot angels could be like this. He rolls his eyes and shrugs. "And I don't friggin' know."

A pause because this is too close to things that actually bother Dean to just blurt out. He takes a deep breath and then says it before he can take anything back.

"Do you regret screwing me back home?"

She had a thing with Castiel during their hospital stint. And history of thing with Sam but nothing with him. It made him wonder and now he feels like an idiot so he blows a breath out and shakes his head. "It's not--you know--just--"

God he feels like a moron.

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"Do I regret...?"

She looks at Dean, trying to determine if this is some kind of prank or if there's something she's missing. It's harder for her to read people these days, their emotions and motivations have... receded from her experience and she's loathe to make any hasty assumptions.

Still, he is asking a question. Even if it is some kind of deception, it deserves an answer.

"No, Dean, I do not regret having sex with you. I didn't then, and that hasn't changed. Why? ...do you?"

She could hardly blame him.

[dude-imbatman.livejournal.com]

"Oh hell no," Dean answers quickly. "The day I regret banging a hot chick is the day you know something is wrong with me."

He takes a short breath and scrubs a hand over his face, looking out over the City.

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"Then why are you calling me in the middle of the night?"

She's confused. He sounds upset, looks upset, very much as a matter of fact. She takes a few steps closer, shortening the distance between them.

"What is it you need me to tell you?"

[dude-imbatman.livejournal.com]

Dean signs and purses his lips. He shouldn't have called her up here. It shouldn't matter. Instead he clears his throat. When he speaks his voice is low and quiet.

"The whole hospital curse...you had a thing with Cas and Sam but you and I...I just thought--" He shrugs. "It was stupid. Probably cursed to be a teenage girl today."

He's not. He just needs an excuse.

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"The City plays its games. You thought I had any control over that?"

She moves even closer, until she's standing right next to him.

"And there is no curse today."

[dude-imbatman.livejournal.com]

Dean glances over at Anna and shrugs. "Nah it was that--I just figured."

Fuck. This is why he leaves the touchy feely girly bullshit to Sam. "You know what? Just forget it. It's--"

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

She reaches out and touches his arm. "Dean. There is something bothering you. Something about me. Is it related to Sam? To Castiel?"

Anna's expression is stern but tries to be kind, "Just tell me."

[dude-imbatman.livejournal.com]

"It's no big deal," Dean is quick to fire off which automatically means it's a bigger deal than he wants her to know. "And no. It's not related to Sam or Cas."

He purses his lips, thinking about it a moment. "You didn't get to be human that long. I've got a shit ton of regrets. I know how much they suck. I just didn't want to be one of yours."

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"You aren't. If anything I regret the next day. I wonder if we wouldn't have been better off it I had died."

She moves away to the edge of the roof, looking out over the City.

"I regret not finding a way to stop Lucifer."

[dude-imbatman.livejournal.com]

"Anna, if anyone's got a reason to think that it's me." He moves to stand behind her now. "And I don't."

He thinks about that a second. "I think we stopped him. I think Sam stopped him."

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"You hope you've stopped him."

She's not convinced. So long as Lucifer exists, he will be a force to be guarded against.

"I can't afford that."

She can't afford to feel hope.

[dude-imbatman.livejournal.com]

"Yeah well..." Dean stops because while he might consider Anna a friend who went a little crazy, he knows in reality that she's not so much a friend as she is an assassin. "If you end up having to kill him, kill me first and get it all over with."

Because let's get right down to it, Dean doesn't want to live without Sam nor does he wants to watch Sam die. Again.

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

Anna nods, it's about all she can do.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be insensitive. I know how much you care for him. I almost wish..."

[dude-imbatman.livejournal.com]

"Almost wish what, Anna?"

He's tense, almost holding his breath while he waits.

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

She turns to him, an almost haunted look on her face.

"I'm perfection again, Dean. The elegant statue. Perfect and cold. Do you remember how much I hated that?"

[dude-imbatman.livejournal.com]

"And they say I have an ego," he jokes then shakes his head and returns to something serious. "Yeah...I remember and you don't have to be like that, Anna."

He takes a step toward her. "Maybe it's harder for you to feel things but you can. Castiel is proof of that."

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

She doesn't say anything, what is there to say? That she's not sure she can afford to feel? To really care for them knowing what she has to do... She used to think the pain was worth it, now she's not so sure.

She wonders if it won't be a relief when Michael finishes her off.

[dude-imbatman.livejournal.com]

He reaches out and brushes her hair off her cheek. Yeah he's kind of manipulating the situation a little. "It's a choice, Anna. Maybe it's a hard one but it's a choice. You know it and it's not about faith or duty. It's about...hell if I know. Free will?"

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"Free will got me into this."

Her eyes close at the touch, feeling the warmth of his fingers. She doesn't deserve his consideration. His trust.

She turns away.

"I don't need your pity. I'll be fine."

[dude-imbatman.livejournal.com]

Dean chuckles at that but he doesn't push her. "You seriously think this is pity?"

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"I don't know what it is. One minute you still think I'm going to kill Sam, the next you want to me to literally feel better."

She turns to him almost accusingly. "I don't know what you expect of me. I don't know what I expect of me.

[dude-imbatman.livejournal.com]

"I expect you to be better than they think you are," Dean answers quietly. "Part of it's selfish. The more human your feelings are, the less likely you are to kill Sam. Part of it is...I know this sucks for you. I do want it to be better."

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

"You care for me, then? How I'm living, how I'm doing?"

She looks at him, steady, not expecting anything, not asking for anything about the truth.

[dude-imbatman.livejournal.com]

"Of course I care, Anna. I was willing to get myself killed for you once and I'd do it again."

He's not sure where either of them are going with this. He's not sure it matters either.

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

She doesn't move, can't move, as still as the statue she'd claimed to be earlier, just... looking at him.

"I miss that. Being protected."

He had been the last person to do so.

[dude-imbatman.livejournal.com]

So it's entirely possible she's going to kick his ass for this. That said he offers a plea: "Please don't throw me off the roof."

And he steps forward, putting his arms around her in a hug. He'll just hold her for a little while. At least if she'll let him.

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

She stiffens for a moment. Instinct. Pressure. But she remembers this. Warmth, hope, friendship and her arms wind around him. It wasn't much, but it was a step, wasn't it?

"I hate myself like this, Dean."

[dude-imbatman.livejournal.com]

"Yeah...well I'm not crazy about it either," Dean admits. "You can change it though. I'll help you."

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

She doesn't talk anymore, just... content to stay in his arms, remember how safe that made her feel one night, long ago. So long as she's there... she can almost believe him.

[dude-imbatman.livejournal.com]

He's quiet for a long time, standing and holding her. With one hand he runs his fingers through his hair. After a while he chuckles.

"At least this probably isn't going to be our last night on earth."

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

She gives him a small chuckle in return as she pulls away a bit. "No, not likely."

She steps back, away from the warmth, away from the hope it offered. "I should go... if you don't need anything else."

[dude-imbatman.livejournal.com]

Dean shakes his head. "Nah. I"m good.If you need to talk again though..." and he shrugs to finish that sentence off.

[backseatangel.livejournal.com]

Obviously, Dean has gotten whatever absolution he was looking for. Maybe she has, too, she isn't sure. But one thing is clear...

"I know where to find you."

Even she knows that sounds more ominous than it should, but the ghost of a smile graces her lips before she disappears in a whisper of wings.

[dude-imbatman.livejournal.com]

Dean chuckles as she disappears. he stays on the roof for a little while with his hands shoved in his pockets. He's not entirely sure he's absolved the issues in his head in regards to Anna but he's done so to the point that he'll accept. The rest he'll have to untangle and work on later.