[ It's almost startling, having another person present who understands the position he's in. Having felt caught between being a fool and a thoughtless bastard, he refuses to toe the line for anyone and their paranoia, doing what needs to be done and not about to apologize for it. The ship was falling, they needed you. I was dying. I wanted Spock there, don't make me feel bad for that. And he knows, he knows Bones only ever wants to keep him safe, to have a chance to do that, but realistically Jim's decisions aren't based on pandering to what will make anyone feel good. His death was a massive inconvenience, is the general feedback he's swallowed. Noble and brave and whatever else, but Did you think about what you were putting Spock through? Hasn't he seen enough people die? No, Jim had wanted to say. I didn't think about him. I did what I needed to do, and I needed my first officer.

Being obsessive, cold and distant by reputation isn't what he wants though. He can't justify becoming that, Jim would rather take the heat for his actions and respond in kind so everyone knows where they stand. The hard truth is they don't have to like it, but they should damn well expect to sit back and take it.

I'm the captain.

His frown morphs into a chuckle as she grins, letting himself be buoyed by Kathryn's efforts as he leans into the touch. Moping isn't his style. ]

Given he's about a million years old now like his Spock, I guess I've got a while to start surpassing his reputation.