At least he had the grace to shoot her an apologetic look after the bathtub comment. He was tired of that line she'd dug into Voyager's flooring five years ago. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't toe it this much. The dance had been close enough. There was no need to come closer to pushing her towards something she very obviously didn't want.
Or did she? He had never quite made up his mind about her feelings towards him, settling somewhere along the line on "complicated." It seemed to say everything there was to say.
"Being in the City might be." But being near me went unspoken for the moment. "If you're hungry, it's all ready to be eaten. If not... it'll save." He would be disappointed, but it was her choice.
It was always her choice. Even when he felt a piece of him die every day the space between them grew, it was still her choice. He couldn't force that from her and he knew the more someone pushed her about something, the more she would push back in the opposite direction. And the last thing he wanted was to scare her off.
A part of him desperately wanted to admit what was going on, the turmoil waking up to that surprise had tossed him into, but he was finding it more and more difficult to be open about personal things like this with a person who refused to do him the same courtesy. He was her First Officer, after all, and it seemed that was all she would ever see him as. Instead of allowing someone to help her through the events of the last few months -- the last few years, even -- Kathryn had walled herself away. With B'Elanna firmly in the Delta Quadrant, Chakotay found himself left with Kathryn, a woman he cared for very deeply and who, with each day that passed, found new and exciting ways to keep him firmly on the other side of a barrier that grew exponentially every time he turned around. Maybe the dance had weakened that barrier just a little, but it would never make up for the strength it endured.
And so, with all that in mind, he offered Kathryn a smile, one that he hoped would dispel her questions about him, even as he knew that would only delay the inevitable.
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Or did she? He had never quite made up his mind about her feelings towards him, settling somewhere along the line on "complicated." It seemed to say everything there was to say.
"Being in the City might be." But being near me went unspoken for the moment. "If you're hungry, it's all ready to be eaten. If not... it'll save." He would be disappointed, but it was her choice.
It was always her choice. Even when he felt a piece of him die every day the space between them grew, it was still her choice. He couldn't force that from her and he knew the more someone pushed her about something, the more she would push back in the opposite direction. And the last thing he wanted was to scare her off.
A part of him desperately wanted to admit what was going on, the turmoil waking up to that surprise had tossed him into, but he was finding it more and more difficult to be open about personal things like this with a person who refused to do him the same courtesy. He was her First Officer, after all, and it seemed that was all she would ever see him as. Instead of allowing someone to help her through the events of the last few months -- the last few years, even -- Kathryn had walled herself away. With B'Elanna firmly in the Delta Quadrant, Chakotay found himself left with Kathryn, a woman he cared for very deeply and who, with each day that passed, found new and exciting ways to keep him firmly on the other side of a barrier that grew exponentially every time he turned around. Maybe the dance had weakened that barrier just a little, but it would never make up for the strength it endured.
And so, with all that in mind, he offered Kathryn a smile, one that he hoped would dispel her questions about him, even as he knew that would only delay the inevitable.