I can't forget, I'm drowning in these memories

[chakotay]

When; Morning and then evening
Rating; PG-13 for now
Characters; Chakotay and Kathryn Janeway
Summary; Chakotay has a very unpleasant morning surprise and then takes it upon himself to make Kathryn's life just a little bit better here.
Log;


Chakotay woke as he had every morning since arriving here in the City: early, but not particularly well-rested. He had a lot on his mind. Part of that was worry for Kathryn, but when wasn't he worried about Kathryn? She seemed to have taken it as a personal challenge to get him to stand on edge more often, just as he had taken it as a personal challenge to get her to relax for even an hour out of a day. He'd gotten his wish during Ginny's party. Now it seemed she would be getting the answer to her challenge.

At first, everything was normal. He rose, dressed, and was preparing to get ready for the day in the bathroom when he first looked into a mirror and noticed that something was off. For a moment, he couldn't place what it was. But then he turned his head and ice settled into his stomach, like a fist ready to pull the organ right out of his body.

His tattoo was gone. The one defining feature, and arguably the most important one, about him... suddenly wasn't there.

He blinked. And then he moved to find another mirror, to deny this could have happened. But every mirror he ran to showed the same thing. His face was clear of any marks. The mark of his tribe was gone and with it Chakotay felt as though he had lost his identity. Leaning on the kitchen table, he gripped its edge with strong fingers. This couldn't have happened. How could his tattoo be gone? It was so important to him. What was he to do without that connection to his father, to his past? And with his struggle to relax enough to contact his spirit guide, he didn't even have that to go to.

So he did the next best thing and started shadowboxing in the small living quarters. Maybe that would calm him down enough to focus on the day.


-------

Later that night, he decided since he really owed Kathryn for agreeing to attend Ginny's party and putting up with him that morning, he would let her collect on that debt. The least he could do was make her dinner. So, he got to work preparing her favorite dish. With a little luck, she would be busy enough to come back after he'd finished, but he wouldn't count on his luck lasting that long. With a small smile, he spared a glance at the door, finally feeling a little more back to normal. Or as normal as life got here in the City.

Comments

[directives]

By the time Kathryn had seen Anya's broadcast, Chakotay's tattoo emblazoned on her face, she'd been on the clear other side of the city. It would have been counterproductive for her to turn around and head back now when she was only one-quarter of the way through with her scans. Scans that were futile, in a way, but essential to both her on going research and her sanity. Kathryn didn't sit still well, took peace and calm as a bad omen of something terrible looming just beyond the horizon, and this gave her something to focus on, to strive for, to channel all that restlessness and energy into when she wasn't required to tend to various assortment of captain's duties.

Those duties were part of her daily routine, as second nature to her as brushing her teeth in the morning was, and a month in to being a resident of this city, being without those responsibilities was quickly shifting from welcomed reprieve to unwanted annoyance. While it was true that there was a part of her that was starting to enjoy being just Kathryn again, she missed being Captain Janeway and felt naked without her pips and protocols.

Not nearly as naked as Chakotay must feel now without his tattoo, as it didn't take her very long to discern what was happening. These desultory curses were giving her a newfound sense of appreciation for Q's antics and the Continuum's meddling.

Scans completed and tricorder tucked away into one of her cardigan's pockets, Kathryn made her way back to the apartment. Sure, she could've checked in on her first officer earlier, but she knew him well enough to give him the space she no doubt required to cope with the loss of something she knew meant a great deal to him. She would never fully understand that level of spiritual sentiment, and almost felt as if she were intruding when she slid the key into the lock and let herself into quarters they were presently sharing -- to the point that walking in to find him cooking of all things was more startling than it should've been.

"What are you doing?"