[ It the touch upon a knee that anchors him and immediately strips the memory to something barren and bland - the land is dry and close enough to a desert as a young Jim ever wants to get.
You'll be alright, says Sam, and Jim can tell he's sorry but he still walks away. He walks on and on, Jim doesn't know whether to run after his big brother or back to the house, only that he doesn't like this. Don't leave me. It's so hot behind that pane of glass, it tastes like Iowa on the worst of days, but Spock stays with him. Jim forfeits part of himself, the better half, then and there.
It hurts as he strains to see through the blinding darkness but he isn't afraid before his last thought dims.
You're here.
A tumbling chaos of emotions crack like fissures under the weight of devotion Jim feels for his new brother; yelling at him and only having compassion throughout their altercation on the bridge, not a shred of real anger; Chekov, Scotty and Sulu are telling him that Spock is lost and Jim asks for guidance from Bones only to be told He'd let you die, which is wrongwrongwrong, Turn the ship around, get us over that volcano, he snaps, gratified when no one argues (if they did, he would have torn them out of their seat and charted the rescue with his own hands). It's his decision, the cost is his to pay. It pales beneath one striking instinct when he storms out of Christopher's office and tears off his uniform in his apartment, furious and wrecked as his hands shake at the idea of losing his ship, what he couldn't possibly convey to the older man or put into words when it came to saving Spock.
If I hadn't tried, the cost would have been my soul. ]
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You'll be alright, says Sam, and Jim can tell he's sorry but he still walks away. He walks on and on, Jim doesn't know whether to run after his big brother or back to the house, only that he doesn't like this. Don't leave me. It's so hot behind that pane of glass, it tastes like Iowa on the worst of days, but Spock stays with him. Jim forfeits part of himself, the better half, then and there.
It hurts as he strains to see through the blinding darkness but he isn't afraid before his last thought dims.
You're here.
A tumbling chaos of emotions crack like fissures under the weight of devotion Jim feels for his new brother; yelling at him and only having compassion throughout their altercation on the bridge, not a shred of real anger; Chekov, Scotty and Sulu are telling him that Spock is lost and Jim asks for guidance from Bones only to be told He'd let you die, which is wrongwrongwrong, Turn the ship around, get us over that volcano, he snaps, gratified when no one argues (if they did, he would have torn them out of their seat and charted the rescue with his own hands). It's his decision, the cost is his to pay. It pales beneath one striking instinct when he storms out of Christopher's office and tears off his uniform in his apartment, furious and wrecked as his hands shake at the idea of losing his ship, what he couldn't possibly convey to the older man or put into words when it came to saving Spock.
If I hadn't tried, the cost would have been my soul. ]