Log; Complete

[mizrahigirl.livejournal.com]

When;Early morning on Speak up Day
Rating;PG?
Characters; Sakura Mizrahi (mizrahigirl), and Rubedo/ Gaignun Kukai Jr. (red_dragon_666)
Summary; Rubedo comes home drunk and wakes Sakura. Discussion ensues.
Log;


After having spent most of the day in and out of the apartment, either spending time with Sakura or busying himself with a certain task, he felt like he was about to go absolutely nuts by nightfall. Still, he stayed in the apartment, waiting until after they'd had dinner and Sakura had gone to bed before slipping back out of the apartment with his coat on.

Rubedo didn't return until almost dawn the next morning, hissing out 'Quiet' to absolutely nobody as he stumbled in the front door and leaned back against it to shut it. He hadn't done out drinking since that night with Elena, and hadn't cared to repeat the incident, but it had gone okay this time. He hadn't nearly killed any muggers, at least.

Still, he was having trouble seeing. What was up with that? Oh right. Lights. He reached out to flip them on, only to immediately flip them back off when he realized Sakura was probably still asleep. Okay, so he would just have to make it to the bedroom and in his bed without the lights. No problem. He was a U.R.T.V.! And he felt the need to apologize and explain that to the lamp just as soon as he'd knocked it over.

Sakura rolled over in bed. The lights had flipped on and then gone off again. Bleary-eyed, she propped herself up on one elbow. The lights were off again, but there was a scuffle. Then a small thump, and then Rubedo's voice. But...who or what was he talking to? He seemed to be talking to himself, actually. But...why was he coming in this early?

Sakura gave in, and rolled herself out of bed, pushing aside the curtain that led into the main room. It was still dark, but it looked like Rubedo was struggling with a lamp near the door.

"Ah... Rubedo? ....Are you...okay?"

Rubedo had just been trying to set the lamp back upright and telling it that it was going to be alright, because it was just a flesh wound when he heard Sakura's voice, and glanced over in her general direction. He could see better now that his eyes had adjusted to the dark, and it was plain he'd woken her up.

"Sakura! No problem. I was just playing hide-and-seek with the lamp." He flipped it on, relieved it was still working. "Hah, found it."

Hopefully she wouldn't notice that he had a slur in his voice. Or that he was wearing shoes. ...And his coat.

Sakura squinted as he flipped the light on, then stared at him with a mixture of concern, bewilderment, and a bit of amusement in her eyes. "

Hide and seek? Um, Rubedo...I'm pretty sure you just knocked it over..." It was almost funny. She would have laughed has this not been so odd for him. But it was, and she didn't. She felt she could risk a fairly obvious question.

"Why are you up? It's still very early."

"What? Oh, uh... You know, sleep is very overrated." Maybe he ought to stop petting the lamp shade. As soon as he thought that, he did, and dropped his hand into his coat pocket.

That made his face light up a bit, and he walked as carefully as he could over to her, doing his best not to stumble or trip. "I was outside! And look what I found."

Rubedo pulled his hand out, revealing a rock about the size of a golf ball, only flatter and smooth, and a pristine white if you ignored all the dirt on it.

"It's a rock." In case that wasn't clear.

This had gone beyond weird. It had even gone beyond weirdly amusing. Sakura was firmly in 'bizarre and slightly worrisome' territory. "

Yes, Rubedo. But..."

She was certain that nothing like this had ever happened to Rubedo while she was around before. Sakura watched him, cogs slowly ticking away as she tried to figure out what had happened. Rubedo still stood with hand outstretched, the really rather unremarkable rock in hand. Sakura took the rock from his hand, and took ahold of the hand it had been in.

"Rubedo. What's going on?"

He stared down at their hands for a long while, not seeming to compute the question. All of a sudden, something flickered in his eyes, and he quickly reached out with his other hand to swipe the rock.

"Give it back! It's my rock." He held it defensively against his chest for a moment before slipping it back into his coat pocket. Then, he squeezed her hand and tried walking back to the bedroom, tugging her with him as a result.

"C'mon. Bed. Time to dream." He felt a little...sick.

Sakura let him snatch the rock back from her hand. The abruptness of the shift in his eyes and the sudden grab had thrown her off balance and she'd taken a step back. Fear flickered in her eyes, and she tried unsuccessfully to free her hand. This sense of total lack of control, total incomprehension, total lack of balance....

Definitely a total lack of balance. When Rubedo suddenly started up walking towards the bedroom, she nearly fell over. With an ungraceful recovery, she managed to get back up and next to Rubedo- he still had her hand in a vice grip.

"Rubedo." She couldn't take this- it was against everything... "Please tell me." She'd barely gotten the words out when she saw his face.

"Rubedo! You don't look well!"

"I... I feel just..." Fine, he had been about to say, but quite suddenly he released his grip on her hand and rushed into the bathroom, at least remembering to shut the door for his dignity's sake before retching into the toilet. He was sick until there was nothing left to expel, and then there were simply dry heaves that made him insides feel like they were being torn to shreds.

Finally, he felt safe to flush the toilet, and gripped the sink hard with one hand while he brushed his teeth and rinsed his mouth at least three times. Still very disoriented, he didn't even think to put the cap back on the toothpaste, and just threw the toothbrush into the trash can before collapsing onto his knees and bursting into tears.

Sakura had been momentarily relieved beyond words when he'd released her hand, but the feeling had quickly morphed into worry as Rubedo made a beeline for the bathroom and closed the door. She felt bad for him, but she had kind of seen this coming. She had suspected, when his steps had wobbled, but had refused to accept it as an option, but Rubedo beelining for the bathroom had really ruled out every other option. There was nothing for it. She walked over to the bathroom door, close enough to hear if anything was very wrong, but out of the way of the door.

She felt worse and worse for him as the minutes went by.

But when the normal bathroom noises stopped, she stood up, ready to leave him alone, but then she heard a sob, and turned back.

She slowly turned the handle on the bathroom door, and opened the door. Rubedo was just sitting on the floor, and in tears. She took a step in, sat down next to him, and put her hand on his back. She wanted to ask what was wrong, but something held her back. So instead she just laid her hand on his back.

Rubedo was quick to try and hide his face when she opened the door, but as soon as he felt her hand on his back, he turned and flung both arms around her neck. His boots squeaked against the tile as he shifted to lean into her, warm tears spilling freely down onto her nightgown as he cried against her shoulder.

"He... He told me...what you did. Albedo didn't kill you. I thought he did. He made it sound like...but then he said he didn't, while we were getting along, and it was such a weird day...and then, he just... He's just gone. Albedo's gone, Sakura!" His fingers curled in the fabric of her nightgown, shoulders trembling as he drew in a sobbing breath.

"I haven't been able to sense him for days, and I've been looking everywhere. He went back home."

Sakura ran her fingers through his hair. It seemed like the thing to do, and she needed to buy herself time.

Rubedo had always seemed so angry at having to deal with Albedo, but she knew that deep down, they were brothers first. It had been part of the reason... But now he was gone...

She put her arms around him, and searched her mind for something to say that would not worsen Rubedo's mental state.

"Is that...is that what was bothering you the other day? I know the two of you..." She trailed off. The brunette was struggling to cope with all of the sudden changes in mood, and coming up with the right words...wasn't working right.

Rubedo struggled to nod, but it was rather jerky and slight before he curled up against her some more and tried to control his tears. He didn't mean to be crying like some baby, but it was just all too much. He shouldn't have gone out drinking! Damnit. And now Sakura was having to see him like this, when she'd already had to deal with enough...

"You... Why did you do that?! For him?" He choked on a breath. "He was ruined, anyway. And it was all my fault. I made your death a waste. You could have lived on and grown up. Sakura, why did you do that..."

He was shaking horribly now.

She caught her breath. Her voice very small, she said, "I... I thought.... I could save him..." She looked away, focusing on a speck on the wall. "I... I didn't mean to put you through so much.... I'm so sorry..." She blinked away the tears that started to her eyes.

"Don't blame yourself..." She tried to hold him, calm his shaking, but she was wobbly herself, and she doubted she was helping much, but all she could do was try...

Rubedo jerked away just enough to be able to look up at her face. He didn't want her to see him crying like this, but he had to see what she looked like. She was telling him not to blame himself, but she was obviously blaming HERself. Shaking his head, he reached up to wipe at his eyes with a sleeve.

"You didn't put me through anything! I mean... Yeah, okay, you did! You dying was... I missed you so much! But, what happened to Albedo was my fault... I just... I don't know what to think anymore. You sacrificed yourself for him, and he just... So he didn't kill you. He's done so many other bad things, and he's going to keep doing them back home. And I should be there to stop him!"

With his hand curled into a fist, he slammed it against the tile hard enough to cause it to crack. "We aren't supposed to be this far apart!"

Rubedo's tirade wasn't what she was expecting. Although at this point, she didn't know what to expect anymore.

"Rubedo..." It was more of a sigh than anything else. She looked at him, trying to fight back rushes of guilt and tears, and mostly failing.

"I...tried...for both of you..." "I tried..." She couldn't help it, the tears she had been holding back ran down her cheeks, and she buried her face in Rubedo's hair. "I didn't want to make you unhappy... I just... " She pulled one hand up and wiped her eyes.

"I tried."

"You always try for others!" Rubedo shook his head from side to side as he said this, voice thick with the emotions that were running rampant through him. His eyes were still wet, but at the very least the tears weren't overflowing anymore.

"How can you be so strong, Sakura? After everything you had to put up with, you sacrificed yourself for him... And even now, you still worry for other people. On that day when I said you shouldn't be so nice, I didn't mean it like that, but you should be a little more selfish! You're just too good. Too perfect. MOMO is just like that, you know..."

With a shudder, he slumped down a bit, hiding his face against her thigh. "Bright like the sun..."

Sakura looked at him, surprised. "I'm not strong." The words came out on reflex.
"I could never do ...the things Mom and Dad wanted me to do.." She leaned back against the counter, a hand resting on his head. "I could only try to do my best..."

"I owe you so much..." The girl bowed her head, and wiped the leftover tears from her eyes, trying to hide her face.

Rubedo had to laugh at that, but it was short and painful. His voice was muffled by her nightgown and his words still slurred a bit from what alcohol remained in his system.

"You owe me nothing. I didn't help you in the end. And you... You always try your best. THAT'S what makes you strong, Sakura. It frustrates me to no end, damnit, especially since you're so young and should be able to just have a normal life, but instead you're caught up with me and other adult problems that you shouldn't even have to know about... I wish you didn't have to be so mature, but you are, and you're strong, and sweet, and that's why I love you."

Ah, he hadn't meant to say that. That was the alcohol, right? Well, maybe she would take it a different way.

Rubedo's muffled voice was soothing. It was a relief...to know that he thought she was strong. She knew better. She was weak, but to hear someone, to hear Rubedo, of all people, telling her she was strong was calming.

"Rubedo...you've always been stronger...you've dealt with things I never could...

And you've always been there for me."

And then his last phrase caught up to her. "that's why I love you".... And as she waited for her brain to catch up with her, relief flooded over her. Maybe... I'm not so much of a burden on him after all. And...

Her voice almost inaudible, she whispered, "And... and I love you too."

Rubedo was about to protest about being stronger than her when he actually heard what she said, and he quickly pushed away from her lap to stare at her. She really did?

Immediately, he shook his head a bit, as if trying to wake himself up. "That's not...you mean... You're not saying that in that fluffy way, meaning you love me and everyone equal, right?"

Sakura looked up at him. His reaction had worried her- had she frightened him? but there, he was asking with such intensity- trying to get her meaning. Had it been a mistake to say? But he'd said it first...and she had already said it. No use in turning back now, the words were out there, hanging between them. She looked down at her hands.

"No... that's not what I meant.... I did mean...." She shook her head. "You..."

She was having a hard time getting the words out again, and she looked up at him, hoping she hadn't said something regrettable.

Rubedo just had a stunned look on his face at first, but quickly it melted into something soft and playful, and suddenly he was laughing and grabbing her hands, leaning in to touch the lightest of kisses to her forehead.

"God, I don't deserve it, but that still makes me so happy to hear. Thanks, Sakura. You really are my special girl."

Sakura finally smiled. He hadn't been offended, or taken it the wrong way- she really shouldn't have worried. But... with the way he'd been acting, she wouldn't have known..

His kiss was like a release to all the worry she'd been dealing with since she'd woken up to Rubedo's knocking over the lamp. She stood up, drawing his hand up with her. "Look, Rubedo- the sun's coming up. Isn't it beautiful?"

Rubedo stood with her. Perhaps not as gracefully as he would have originally intended, but gripping her hands and doing his best, he managed to stand up straight and glanced over to the bathroom's window.

Then he just looked back at Sakura and grinned. "Yeah. Real beautiful. But it is WAY too early for us to be awake." Then, he dropped one of her hands and turned her a bit with the other, using the chance to immediately sweep her off her feet and into his arms. Oh God. The alcohol was wearing off, but he still stumbled a bit before bumping back against the door frame.

"'Kay. No worries. I got this." He took a few second to reconnect with his balance before he pushed away from the door and carried her over to the bedroom, remembering to flip the switch on the lamp in passing.

Being swept off her feet was a bit more than she'd expected. Rubedo's wobbling had her a bit worried though. She wrapped her arms around his neck, trying to hold on.

"Rubedo! Be careful!" She ducked forward as he leaned into the doorframe. "Where are you going?"

Rubedo grunted a bit, grateful that the sun was up so he could see better. "Trying to aim for...the bedroom...we should sleep... I had to turn off that lamp...and then, that--oh crap! Did the door hit your foot? I'm sorry. I'll shoot it as soon as I'm sober enough to use my pistols. The door. Not your foot. I don't want to shoot your foot."

Finally, he found her bed, only the curtain was in the way. While trying to elbow past it, only to get frustrated and yank at it. This caused both of them to tumble right onto the bed, curtain and all, and he just sighed, a lump underneath the cloth with his boots hanging off the edge of the bed.

"Somehow, this didn't go the way I worked it out in my head, but hey I guess I'm just damn brilliant like that."

The situation had gone from slightly silly right on through goofy to downright ridiculous. Sakura couldn't help it- she laughed. She extricated herself from the curtain, grateful they'd fallen onto the bed. Trying to get Rubedo untangled seemed to be a bit more of a problem.

"Um, Rubedo. I have no idea how you're caught up in this...I think you're going to have to figure it out." She knelt on the mattress. "I think you got it ... tangled round your legs?"

"Yeah, hold on. Last thing I want is to kick you in the face or something." He managed to find a hole and worked with that, untwisting it from around one of his arms and finally sitting it up to kick it off his legs. As a result, he kicked off his boots, too, which...really was just fine, because who wanted boots when they were going to bed, anyway?

With a sigh, he looked back over to her, then gave a lopsided grin. "Sorry. I'll fix that curtain when I wake up... I'll leave you alone now." The bed dipped as he rested a hand against the middle, leaning down to give her cheek a soft kiss. "Good.....morning."

Sakura looked over at him, and smiled again. "Sleep well, Rubedo."