tampered | I don't wanna say goodbye

I don't wanna say goodbye

When; Feb 27-ish
Rating;PG-13, will change if it goes higher
Characters; Lucy Locke & Pavel Chekov
Summary; Lucy refuses to say goodbye
Log;

Lucy has always known that eventually she'd lose him. However, this isn't the way that she had thought it would happen. She'd thought that she'd wake up one morning to find his portrait in the Hall of Missing and somehow, she's more okay with that than she is with being 'asked' to leave him. She knows she can't go back with him for so many reasons, only one of them being the fact that it's physically impossible. In the face of that knowledge, she's decided she's just not going to say goodbye. She's not going to say goodbye to Pavel or Penny or anyone at all. She's going to lock herself in her apartment, shover her device in the back of the closet and make herself sick on ice cream.

Yup.

That's the plan for the rest of her time in the City.

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Chekov has been aware that he and Lucy would eventually part ways, and he has accepted it. It's difficult. Knowing that he could pull Lucy through a door and into his world makes it even more difficult, but his home is not where Lucy belongs. She lacks the training to stay on the Enterprise (and, honestly, it's not the safest place to be and he would like her to stay safe), and it would be cruel to leave her on Earth two centuries past her time while he goes off on a five-year mission. He could give up his career, but the stars are all he's ever really wanted. Being Earthbound would be miserable, and not even Lucy can make that option appealing.

This isn't as bad as it could be, though. Too many people have left his life without saying goodbye, and he doesn't want Lucy to be one of them. Additionally, he read on the network that they would be allowed to leave with their memories. That is something to be pleased about. Pavel would rather remember what he used to have than go back to a world where he's happily oblivious.

Lucy, however, seems to be doing her level best to avoid goodbyes. She can't find her at work; she doesn't answer her network device. As soon as Pavel finishes something he has been working on and leaves the labs, he heads for Lucy's apartment. If she doesn't open the door, he'll just wait outside and make a nuisance of himself until she lets him in.

As he knocks on her door, he hopes that won't be necessary.

Lucy doesn't really expect Chekov to take her with him. They've talked about his job back home and what it would be like, how dedicated he has to be and how even here, he's not supposed to be involved the way he is. She's just angry at the City for forcing this and she's upset because she's not ready for her borrowed time to come to an end.

There's a part of Lucy that wants to start with a clean slate, to let go of everything and not hurt when she's back home without Chekov, but there's also a part of her that knows she wants those memories to cherish. She doesn't want to forget him, even if she can forget him. She's just go to reconcile the pain that she knows is going to come with the memories. The pain would fade eventually. It always did.

Goodbyes are hard. She's always hated them, but she hates them even more when she knows that they're goodbye for good as opposed to goodbye for now, so when Chekov knocks on the door the first time, she doesn't answer. Eventually, she gives in, knowing that he won't be dissuaded and shuffles to the door, jerking it open with some force and greeting him with the poutiest look of pouty looks. She hates this and there's no doubt about that from the expression on her face. She stands there a moment, in the door, as if she is deciding whether to let him in or not before finally taking a step back and pulling the door open wider.

"Come in."

When she finally lets him in, Lucy looks more miserable than Pavel is pretending he is not. He has never met anyone like Lucy, and he knows he won't encounter someone like her again. She's his first serious girlfriend, his first... everything, really, and, thanks to her, he'll be leaving the City more thoroughly debauched than anyone on his crew might care to imagine. Chekov does have one advantage over her, though: he is accustomed to saying goodbye. Not only in the City, but also at home. It's the nature of the job.

He offers her a smile as he steps in, keeping hugs and kisses to himself. Now may not be the appropriate time for them. "Thank you for opening the door. I was afraid that I would be knocking until it was time to leave."

Well, at the very least, she accomplished something: thoroughly debaching Pavel. Lucy, on the other hand, is rotten at goodbyes. Chekov is, in many ways, much more mature than Lucy despite the fact that she's older than him.

There's a part of her that wants to fling herself at him and kiss him and drag him to bed and pretend that this isn't happening, but a larger part of her wants to keep her distance because of some foolish notion that she thinks she can stave off some of the pain. Whether she'll change her mind about that or not remains to be seen.

"Masha would eventually get annoyed and bite me for not letting you in."

His smile fades at the thought that she really would have refused to talk to him if not for Masha. Pavel wants to think that she's joking, but Lucy is so fragile when it comes to goodbyes; she could mean it.

"If you want me to leave, I will," he says quietly, "but this is the last night. I hoped to spend it with you and not with my thoughts. You are much better company."

She wouldn't have, but she's trying so hard to keep it together, to hold onto all the strings that keep her from falling apart. Being able to blame this one concession on the cat makes it easier to hold the other pieces together.

She shakes her head almost immediately at his words, her throat filling with emotion and her eyes with tears. Finally, she nods, biting her bottom lip. She stands her ground a moment longer, her entire being trembling before she rushes him, arms wrapping around his waist, burying her head in his chest.

"I may not be very good company tonight," she manages to choke out.

He hugs her close, willing whatever strength he has to spare to work its way over to her. Or he can hold her together; that's an option, at least for one more night, if she'll allow him to.

"You don't need to be," he replies. "So long as you are willing to be company with me, I'm happy." Chekov hopes that she'll understand what he means in spite of the awkward phrasing. It doesn't matter if Lucy spends the whole night crying. What matters is that she's here and he's here and they still have a few hours left.

There's a part of her that wants to be alone with her pain, that still believes if she doesn't see him, if she doesn't let him hold her, it will hurt less. However, if the City has taught her anything, it's that that doesn't work so instead she nods into his chest, consenting to herself as much as to him to let him hold her together for a little while longer. Eventually, she'll find her own strength. She won't allow herself to fall apart entirely, to let this ruin her, but that doesn't mean she's going to be strong right now.

"Okay," she says quietly. "I'll be company with you." After a moment, she pulls back, looking up at him. She takes his hand and starts to lead him for the stairs if he'll allow it.

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