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tampered2007-01-09 01:28 am
sciencedaughter.livejournal.com) wrote in tampered2007-01-09 01:28 am
Log; Complete
When; Jan. 8th, evening
Rating; PG
Characters; Nemu {![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sciencedaughter} & Ulquiorra {eyezen_sama}
Summary; After being read by an empath and thinking things over for a few days, Nemu has a few things to tell Ulquiorra. Considering who is involved, much awkwardness, misunderstandings, and confusion ensues.
Log;
Nemu didn't know what she was doing, and that frustrated her to no end, especially considering whenever she didn't know what to do, it always involved Ulquiorra. She had spent almost two days in solitude, thinking. Her zanpakutou, sheathed at her hip, had deigned speak to her. I can't help you until you help yourself. You must learn more before you seek me. Puzzling, but not hard to follow. She was hopeful. But... seeing the empath had jarred her more than she wanted to admit. He'd told her she felt, she could love, that she... that she had a deep emotional attachment to this Arrancar. ... Her gaze softened, fingers tightening around the present in her hands, that had been left at her apartment after he'd stabbed her that last curse day. He'd finally resurfaced on the network, and she'd come to deliver it, as promised, but... she wanted to talk to him too. Hesitating, she paused, finally putting a hand to her throat, bare of Mayuri-sama's choker and instead sporting a gift from a friend, she knocked on the door.
Looking up from his notes, Ulquiorra watched the door for a moment, knowing well who it was. He had disappeared into his room after the incident, not going out unless he needed to. He had spoken to her, and it all seemed fine, but something still had bothered him. He had spent the New Year alone, listening to the tic of the clock speed up, lost in his thoughts. When the world didn't end, he wasn't exactly sure how he felt. Rising, dismissing such things, he walked over and opened the door. "Hello."
"Good evening." Nemu dipped her head in a small gesture, eyes lidded, unable to meet his gaze as she usually had no trouble doing. "I brought you your gift." It had been rewrapped. ... She'd bleed on the previous wrapping, and giving bled-on gifts was simply not appropriate. The shinigami paused, still holding the small box close. "And I also wish to speak with you, if you have time."
"Yes." he said simply, leaving the door open for her as he crossed to his small desk to close his notebook. There were no real secrets here that he did not want her to see, but he did not like even something a simple as one of his books staying open. "I have plenty of time."
"Thank you." Nemu entered, shutting the door behind her softly to avoid any loud noise. ... It just didn't seem the time. She took a breath, a true breath. She wondered, idly, if he knew she was alive. Cared, even. It had been her death's bringing of recklessness that had allowed her to justify spending time with him in the first place, but now that option was gone. "Here." She slowly offered the small box, still done up in a festive image. She also drew out a small sheaf of papers from a pouch at her side, offering those as well. "You heard my survey on love, this is a copy of the one concerning affection." Her voice was soft-spoken, as usual, but... tinged with something else.
"Yes, I remember." he murmured absently, eyeing her for a moment. There was a change in her. He accepted the box and the papers, nodding slightly as he opened the box to see the clothe she had given him. He set it down on this desk, feeling this was not the time to deal with it and that it might please her to see it there. He studied her further, eyes widening as the truth slowly dawned upon him. "You're breathing."
Nemu tried… she did, to stop the small smile that sprung to her face. She brought one hand to cover her left breast, nodding slowly. "Yes. I'm... alive." The shinigami knew he would not need the explanation that she was still technically dead, but not here. She met his gaze, finally. steadily, softly. "On the new year's day the deities restored life to all those who had been killed here."
"I see." A curious development. And one she was obviously very pleased with. He didn't know how to relate to such a feeling, but it was not unpleasant to see her in high spirits. "Well, that is pleasing to know. I'm.. sure you must be happy."
"I am." She immediately conceded. And she was. To feel her heart beat under her palm, to breathe, to breathe from need, was amazing and wondrous as if she'd never done such things before. But she needed courage now, though it seemed, for once, she had developed a case of shame. "... Ulquiorra?" She took a step further in, and decided it may be best if she were sitting down, heading for the nearest chair with a brief look for permission. "I was read by an empath the other day."
Leaning against the desk, preferring to stand, he nodded, not minding that she sat. He would like to have comfortable conversations, an odd desire brought on by perhaps the arrival of Cirucci. She was powerful enough for him to feel comfortable speaking casually, and found that he much enjoyed such discourses.
Her words brought him back from his musings and he tipped his head curiously. "Empath?"
“They read emotions.” Nemu offered her explanation. “Can interpret them, explain them.” She folded her hands neatly in her lap, though her knuckles were white. Nemu was torn. Continue explaining? Work her way up to that? Or just say it. … She was usually blunt, perhaps she should remain so. It was only with the slightest hesitations that she finally said it. “The empath read my emotions and determined I had a deep emotional attachment to you.” The shinigami knew she couldn’t leave it at just that. Rangiku had insisted she thought the Arrancar cared… but Nemu… dared not hope for much of anything. “I thought that was what we should talk about.”
Blinking slowly, Ulquiorra let the weight of the words set in. He had, in the back of his mind, developed a feeling that this might have come to pass. The Christmas Ball, the unfortunate events durring the snow day.. it all pointed to something more than a casual interest. Thinking slowly over the past few weeks, he realized that perhaps he had already known. Perhaps so had she. But now it was out in the open, now it was something she--and he--could not ignore.
"Oh." he said, feeling himself take an inner, mental step back. Away from the edge. He needed to think about this from a clear distance. "And do you believe it?"
Nemu watched him carefully. Not for research, as had been her motive early on, but from concern. Her hand moved, not to her heart, but to a spot just under the right breast that had felt cold steel not too long past. And still hurt, but not from physical pain. “I am… afraid to be definitive.” She finally answered. “But I would think that would explain many things, and is quite likely an accurate summation of my…” The shinigami paused before using the word. “… emotions.”
"It would make sense," he murmured, treading on dangerous ground at he attempted to think through things while keeping attentive to her reactions. "I do not find myself to be very surprised." Ulquiorra cast a glance in her direction, noticing the placement of her hand. It made him wary, and he could feel the remnants of what he had discovered to be guilt on that day. Did she want something from him?
“I…” Nemu tried to calm herself, even from where her hand was feeling the flutters of heartbeat racing. With what? … Fear. “I wanted to know…” She spoke slowly, haltingly. “… what you feel.” She didn’t want to hear what he usually fell back to. Arrancar don’t feel.. She knew well enough by now that it was an untrue statement.
She did want something from him. He felt like pacing, suddenly unnerved and uncomfortable in his skin. But it wouldn't do well for him to do such, to show such unease. He looked at her for a moment before giving in to the urge to at least move, walking from his desk to the kitchen, and back again. Feelings? She wanted to know how he felt. How could he tell her that, when he had no idea himself? "I.. " He shook his head--finding him slip around the answer, shy away from speaking. The realization fueled anger--he was no coward.
"I am not entirely aware. You ask.. quite the question. But the answer I can give you is... I have become.. fond of our discusions, and the time that I have spent with you. And that I find myself.. regretting the damage wrought by my sword the last time we met."
She sighed, but it was no heavy sigh, but one of relief. The hard part, that was the hard part, wasn’t it?, was over. Nemu looked up to meet his gaze once more. She smiled softly. Had she been expecting more? Perhaps, but she would have known from the beginning that avenue would fail. That he would concede this much was more than she had realistically dreamt. And she was content with it, however much that counted for. She did not need the word ‘love’, it only confused her. This was fine, this was… happy enough, more than she thought she deserved. She offered no further explanations, no more prying into emotion, but… there was one thing that had come up repeatedly during her affection survey that she really wanted to try. To see. Nemu knew this hadn’t worked last time, when he had a heart, but she softly patted the spot on the seat next to her, murmuring gently. “Please?” Finally taking her hand from the place she had been injured.
He did not know why she wanted to sit with him, but he didn't know a lot of things about the ways of women or hearts or anything like that. The memories of that day lingered, but he no longer could pull information from it, or become clouded with much confusion because of it. Things had changed, but not that much. He sat, watching her warily for a moment. "Cirucci says she has talked to you."
Nemu didn't make any moves towards him yet. Didn't want to scare, to unnerve. Thinking back, the creation nodded evenly, folded her hands back into her lap, taking... was it comfort, from his closeness. "Cirucci Thunderwitch, yes, she did." The shinigami almost smiled, the Arrancar had definitely set out to annoy her, but she did not annoy easily. In fact, she could honestly say the only person she'd ever been annoyed with had been herself. "She seemed quite intent on whether my sexual encounters with you were pleasurable." A small shrug of her shoulder, that smile barely twitching in the corner of her lips. "I told her I was afraid I could not definitively answer that question. She seemed most upset."
"She is indeed curious about those kinds of things." If he knew how, he might have smiled, for his own conversations with the Arancarr had probably run along the same lines. Though his had probably been more enjoyable for Cirucci. He was more willing to give information, considering their agreement. "I'm sure she's dying to get her hands on any such information. Though she has agreed to tell me what she knows of Grimmjow and your Shinigami girl."
"Indeed she is." Nemu agreed. But the creation had no concept of shame, did not know such conversation was considered quite vulgar. "... Has she now?" Nemu blinked once in surprise. "I must admit... the situation worries me. Hinamori... is important to me. I do not wish her hurt. But also I admit Grimmjow Jaggerjack seems... to be fond of the time he spends with her, to regret the damage he has wrought her." She intentionally used the same words Ulquiorra had just recently said; though she was ready with a soothing word if that rumpled the Arrancar's sensitive ego.
Ulquiorra frowned, thinking over all the buisness with the sixth espada. For as much as he speculated and bothered Grimmjow about the relationship, he knew very little about it and was concerned with what it might lead to. "That is curious. Though I suppose not entirely surprising, considering he has always been more.. emotional than others. Though his emotion was, in the past, along the lines of anger and rage. It is a strange development."
"Many... strange things have occurred, don't you think?" Nemu asked quietly, a doubly meant statement. Her hands unfolded in her lap, looser now. She was moving painfully slow, but she had her reasons. "This City makes such things occur. You put people in situations they would never be in, with people they would never associate with..." All her words had more than one meaning. The factual and the personal. "... and things happen that never would have before."
"Indeed it does." he said simply, as though he had taken no notice at the double meaning of her words. He had, though, and thought them over in the back of his mind. But he also had no intention of changing to suit anyone, so he merely sat back in his chair for a moment, pondering the current status of the other Arrancar. "Do you suppose he would, in fact, hurt the girl?"
"I should certainly hope he would not." Her response was quick. "I and mine would be most upset." Her gaze flit around for a moment in thought. "But... I am of the opinion that he would regret doing such a thing." Her hands now lay at her side, relaxed, open. She wanted to see something, still, but... was afraid to proceed, afraid of what would happen. Afraid to push too far, hope too much. In case she erased all the progress they had made, afraid to disappoint herself. "Do you?"
"He is not one to trust. Although, he does become so very attatched to those that ignite his passion. Your strange redheaded boy Shinigami is an example of that. Grimmjow is attatched to him, though that is a relationship born out of mutual distrust and anger. So perhaps he will treat her well. Well enough from what can be expected from an Arrancar of his position." Casting her a glance, he snorted. "I would not have thought it in him, but I have been proven wrong before."
"Attached, I see. He also seemed very angry at the arrival of the Vizard." Nemu's head cocked to the side a little wondering if there was a double meaning in the Arrancar's last statement. "Have you had a chance to observe the Vizard? They are most interesting specimens."
"I have not had much of a chance." he addmited, frowning at the prospect of becoming lax in his own research. "I know some from previous times, but not much of the new commer now."
"He is interesting." Nemu admitted, steeling herself. She... wanted to try this. Ever since exchanging words with all the people during the survey she'd wanted to try it. Not just with anyone. ... With him. "But there are more interesting things." More double meanings from a woman used to blunt and factual statements. But finally, slowly, she moved, one hand covering the Arrancar's own, fingers interlacing gently. ... A gesture of affection.
Ulquiorra blinked, looking down at their now intwined hands with a curious expression. Just what was she doing? He waited, expecting some other sort of movement, but when nothing happened, he looked back up to her. The feel of her hand was neither pleasent nor unpleasent--he had felt her hands before, and knew that they were soft and strong and only slightly smaller than his own. He blinked at her, raising his eyebrow. "yes?"
Nemu smiled gently, a strange feeling... happiness, that he did not pull away. "It is affection." She offered, voice low, thumb running softly over his knuckles. Ulquiorra's hands had always amazed her. Thin, bony, the skin so pale, and very gentile, not calloused or any such thing.
Leaning back a bit, he regarded her with a mild look of disbeleif. "Affection?" What the devil had gotten into her, to think of such things. And if this was affection, then Ulquiorra had no idea why there was such a big fuss made about it all the time. This meant possitively nothing, did it not? A connection of hands, a touch of skin. Hardly enough to be remarked on. "How rediculious."
"It is not just this that is affection, apparently." Nemu was unfazed by his demeanor, quite used to it by this point. And knowing that not everything he said was what it sounded like, or was necessarily aimed at who he was speaking to. He was... complicated, she knew. "It's more supposed to be the thought behind it." She cited things from the survey report she'd given him. "It means..." She paused, lips pursed for a moment as she tried to remember. "... that I am thinking of you. And that I care."
"Well of course you are thinking of me, as we are having a conversation." Obviously she was paying too much attention to this survey of hers, for it was scrambling the sense from her brain. He knew she cared, for whatever reasons she had, so why did it need repeating? He looked back down at their hands again with a frown--it did make it difficult to do anything with both hands if she was insistant on holding on to one of them. "And what is to come of it?"
"... I'm not sure." Nemu blinked. No one had told her quite that much. But she thought it... enjoyable. In a simple sort of way. "But there are apparently other ways to show affection, if this one does not suit you."
"I dont see the point in this, or any other one you could imagine up," he said with a frown, still not getting it. But she seemed to be enjoying it, which was odd. It must be something to do with her make up or some such thing.
"I'm not entirely sure myself." Nemu gave a small shrug. "But..." She smiled slightly. "I find it comforting... you comforting..." Her gaze faltered for a brief moment. "Despite events." Unwittingly her grip tightened on his hand for a second, a small squeeze.
"I see," he murmured, more confused than ever, but he did not comment more upon it. If she chose to trust him, despite what had happened, then that could hardly be considered a negative thing. Though he wanted to know why. "Why?"
"I..." Nemu paused. "... That is the problem, I am not sure why." And that bothered her, it really did. She liked having reasons. "But... when I am around you I wish to do... things."
"Do things? What kind of things?"
Nemu blinked again. Well, she supposed she would have to show him. She released his hand, turning on the couch to face him, tucking her legs under her. "Things like this." Her hands went to his face, one on the bone mask, smooth and cool under her fingers, the other on the side of his neck. She pressed against him gently, lips finding his. This, though she couldn't adequately describe 'this', was it. And in a corner of her mind, Nemu had to wonder what sexual intercourse was like, was it different, on a day not cursed.
Ulquiorra pulled back, blinking at her with a frown. What was that about? TIpping his head to the side, he sighed slightly. "Is that what you meant?"
"You are... displeased?" Nemu asked, eyes lidded. "I am merely answering the question in action, as I had no adequate words." But she did not move, still slightly against him, not wanting to, and almost afraid to make a move.
He wasn't sure what he was. It wasnt nesscarily unpleasent, but he didnt really know what to make of it. He was not aware of any curses being in affect, and yet, here they were. "I don't understand."
"I don't either." Nemu answered honestly, idly, hesitantly, the hand on his neck moved gently, softly caressing. "But... I like..." She met his gaze. "You... and being... around you... and... with you... though I don't know why." She supposed this was supposed to be embarrassing, but found herself... suddenly calm.
"Ah," he said, thinking it over. "And what do you expect from me?"
"... I'm not sure." Nemu's gaze softened. "I am not used to expecting anything, nor am I used to expecting anyone to owe me anything, that I would deserve anything..." She thought for a moment. "But... I would like..." She fished for a word not overly forward or pretentious. "To be tolerated. To be... accepted? And... if my presence were to do anything for you I would be... pleased."
"You are tollerated." He blinked at her for a moment, surprised she would not feel such. "If you were not you would not be here." Didn't she know these things? "Our conversations are enjoyable, are they not?"
"They are most enjoyable." Nemu answered, nodding slowly. Her lower back felt uncomfortable, and she shifted, though the motion drew her slightly closer. "... But does my prescense please you? Do I?" She had learned that bringing one's partner happiness, pleasure, was quite an important facet of this whole... whatever this was she was afraid to name.
He had never thought of it on those terms before. He would have to think this over. "Well... I suppose.." He didnt know, really.
"May I?" She didn't want to admit it, but her heart rate was rising. That he would say such a thing? ... Made her very happy. She was unsure how to convey such happiness in words, however, she knew how only in actions, in... shows of affection, in what she had learned of the sexual.
"May you what?" he said, eyeing her warily.
"Please you?" She asked, completely candid and with absolutely no shame whatsoever.
Ulquiorra blinked, eyes widdening as things slowly dawned upon him. So this is what she wanted. "I... don't know. I have no... desire for it."
Of all the things that had been said that had confused her, this actually confused her more. She looked away from his gaze, down to herself. When Mayuri had wanted to create a perfect creation, he meant perfect in every aspect, including the physical beauty aspect. That she would not be desirable did not offend her personally, but seemed contrary to what she knew. … Curious, not just personally, also scientifically, Nemu leaned closer, pressing against the Arrancar, all soft and curve, mouth finding his again before he could protest, no chaste one this time, one hand still on his neck and the other tracing down his chest.
“None?” She asked, voice husky, pulling away just enough to speak.
Ulquiorra leaned back away from her, his frown deepening. It wasn’t that her actions were unpleasant--he remembered enough from their previous trysts that she was skilled as a sexual partner. But there was a time and a place for such, and this certainly didn't feel like such a time. And even if it was, Ulquiorra had no desire to do such a think--he just currently did not see the point.
Blinking, feeling slightly awkward as he leaned away, he shook his head. "None."
Nemu pulled away, noting his awkwardness, filing that response away for future reference, sitting back, though she still faced him, legs tucked under her. She gave a small shrug, not at all offended or put off by his reaction. “Perhaps there is an error, then.” She merely offered, referring to herself. After all, Mayuri-sama had built her for many purposes. It seemed only natural to her that she may need improvement.
"An error?" that seemed like an odd thing to say, but it made him suddenly uncomfortable. Did the error lie within him? He was not created for such purposes, but that didn't seem to stop the other Arrancar. Was there something wrong with him then? He did not like the thought.
Noting that Ulquiorra seemed to have taken her statement wrong, Nemu hurried to correct him. "With me." She clarified, not wanting him to misunderstand or think her to be insulting him.
"I know. But that’s a preposterous to think," he muttered, feeling more out of place than he had in a very long time and not liking the feel of it one bit. This was not how things were supposed to proceed
"... It is?" She asked, now quite confused herself. Her hands had folded back in her lap, gaze having turned back from sultry to a simple gentle expression.
"Of course. I doubt there is anything wrong with either of us."
"Oh." Nemu smiled slightly. She took it as a sort of... compliment. "Thank you, Ulquiorra."
Frowning, he simply shrugged his shoulders. This was strange and so he simply stood up, looking about the room. He was in desperate need for a distraction.
Nemu had opened her mouth to speak, though she was unsure of what she was going to say, but ended up covering her mouth with her hands as a small yawn escaped her. Once she had finished she blinked. “I am terribly sorry.” She apologized, still covering her mouth with one hand, feeling another coming on. She had come here from her apartment… where she had been thinking further on what she had been thinking on in the forest, where she had not slept. … And she had not rested, knowing that if she took the time to pause she would lose the nerve she’d worked up to show affection, to ask what she had.
Blinking down at her, he took it as a sign of his distraction and shook his head. "No need to apologize. Sleep, if you'd like." He looked behind the couch to pull out a few blankets, handing them to her. It was just the couch, not like he was in use of it, so it didn't seem to be a problem to let her sleep there if she was tired. He had other things to hold his attention for a while longer.
"I..." Nemu smiled, no small one. "Thank you, Ulquiorra." She accepted the blankets, letting her hands linger on his for a small moment, another gesture of affection, though not a large one, as she did not wish him awkwardness again. She probably could have made it home with no troubles but this… she… liked this. "You have work?" She asked, nodding towards his desk as she placed her zanpakutou on the floor, loosening the sash at her waist to make her clothing more comfortable for sleep, bare legs unfolding as she began arranging blankets.
"Yes." he said simply, eyeing her to make sure she covered herself completely with the blanket. If she some how caught some chill while sleeping in his apartment, he was sure the other Shinigami would be banging down his door to blame him. "I will remain quite."
"No, it's alright." Nemu settled, drawing the blankets up over her, shifting about a little to make herself comfortable. "I may watch?" She had always held thought that the Arrancar seemed most in his element during such activities as work and intellectual activities, and most appealing. Her eyes closed slightly, but remained slightly open, legs drawn up under the blankets in an almost child-like sleeping position.
Raising an eyebrow at the odd request, he merely shrugged, returning to his desk. He wouldn't do anything to deter her from staying awake, but he didn't understand why she would want to. He was merely inscribing the information he had gathered earlier, playing back the events of the day in his head like a film, as thanks to the special properties of his eye.
Nemu smiled softly; shifting around a bit more before she found comfortable spots, eyes half-lidded in tiredness, but wanting to stay awake a bit longer. She watched the Arrancar for a few minutes, idly noting she felt no discomfort, no fear, no uneasiness, though she was incredibly vulnerable. But she was glad at the same time. When she finally closed her eyes, hand opening and the blankets settling on her shoulder, she had a small smile on her lips.
Rating; PG
Characters; Nemu {
sciencedaughter} & Ulquiorra {eyezen_sama} Summary; After being read by an empath and thinking things over for a few days, Nemu has a few things to tell Ulquiorra. Considering who is involved, much awkwardness, misunderstandings, and confusion ensues.
Log;
Nemu didn't know what she was doing, and that frustrated her to no end, especially considering whenever she didn't know what to do, it always involved Ulquiorra. She had spent almost two days in solitude, thinking. Her zanpakutou, sheathed at her hip, had deigned speak to her. I can't help you until you help yourself. You must learn more before you seek me. Puzzling, but not hard to follow. She was hopeful. But... seeing the empath had jarred her more than she wanted to admit. He'd told her she felt, she could love, that she... that she had a deep emotional attachment to this Arrancar. ... Her gaze softened, fingers tightening around the present in her hands, that had been left at her apartment after he'd stabbed her that last curse day. He'd finally resurfaced on the network, and she'd come to deliver it, as promised, but... she wanted to talk to him too. Hesitating, she paused, finally putting a hand to her throat, bare of Mayuri-sama's choker and instead sporting a gift from a friend, she knocked on the door.
Looking up from his notes, Ulquiorra watched the door for a moment, knowing well who it was. He had disappeared into his room after the incident, not going out unless he needed to. He had spoken to her, and it all seemed fine, but something still had bothered him. He had spent the New Year alone, listening to the tic of the clock speed up, lost in his thoughts. When the world didn't end, he wasn't exactly sure how he felt. Rising, dismissing such things, he walked over and opened the door. "Hello."
"Good evening." Nemu dipped her head in a small gesture, eyes lidded, unable to meet his gaze as she usually had no trouble doing. "I brought you your gift." It had been rewrapped. ... She'd bleed on the previous wrapping, and giving bled-on gifts was simply not appropriate. The shinigami paused, still holding the small box close. "And I also wish to speak with you, if you have time."
"Yes." he said simply, leaving the door open for her as he crossed to his small desk to close his notebook. There were no real secrets here that he did not want her to see, but he did not like even something a simple as one of his books staying open. "I have plenty of time."
"Thank you." Nemu entered, shutting the door behind her softly to avoid any loud noise. ... It just didn't seem the time. She took a breath, a true breath. She wondered, idly, if he knew she was alive. Cared, even. It had been her death's bringing of recklessness that had allowed her to justify spending time with him in the first place, but now that option was gone. "Here." She slowly offered the small box, still done up in a festive image. She also drew out a small sheaf of papers from a pouch at her side, offering those as well. "You heard my survey on love, this is a copy of the one concerning affection." Her voice was soft-spoken, as usual, but... tinged with something else.
"Yes, I remember." he murmured absently, eyeing her for a moment. There was a change in her. He accepted the box and the papers, nodding slightly as he opened the box to see the clothe she had given him. He set it down on this desk, feeling this was not the time to deal with it and that it might please her to see it there. He studied her further, eyes widening as the truth slowly dawned upon him. "You're breathing."
Nemu tried… she did, to stop the small smile that sprung to her face. She brought one hand to cover her left breast, nodding slowly. "Yes. I'm... alive." The shinigami knew he would not need the explanation that she was still technically dead, but not here. She met his gaze, finally. steadily, softly. "On the new year's day the deities restored life to all those who had been killed here."
"I see." A curious development. And one she was obviously very pleased with. He didn't know how to relate to such a feeling, but it was not unpleasant to see her in high spirits. "Well, that is pleasing to know. I'm.. sure you must be happy."
"I am." She immediately conceded. And she was. To feel her heart beat under her palm, to breathe, to breathe from need, was amazing and wondrous as if she'd never done such things before. But she needed courage now, though it seemed, for once, she had developed a case of shame. "... Ulquiorra?" She took a step further in, and decided it may be best if she were sitting down, heading for the nearest chair with a brief look for permission. "I was read by an empath the other day."
Leaning against the desk, preferring to stand, he nodded, not minding that she sat. He would like to have comfortable conversations, an odd desire brought on by perhaps the arrival of Cirucci. She was powerful enough for him to feel comfortable speaking casually, and found that he much enjoyed such discourses.
Her words brought him back from his musings and he tipped his head curiously. "Empath?"
“They read emotions.” Nemu offered her explanation. “Can interpret them, explain them.” She folded her hands neatly in her lap, though her knuckles were white. Nemu was torn. Continue explaining? Work her way up to that? Or just say it. … She was usually blunt, perhaps she should remain so. It was only with the slightest hesitations that she finally said it. “The empath read my emotions and determined I had a deep emotional attachment to you.” The shinigami knew she couldn’t leave it at just that. Rangiku had insisted she thought the Arrancar cared… but Nemu… dared not hope for much of anything. “I thought that was what we should talk about.”
Blinking slowly, Ulquiorra let the weight of the words set in. He had, in the back of his mind, developed a feeling that this might have come to pass. The Christmas Ball, the unfortunate events durring the snow day.. it all pointed to something more than a casual interest. Thinking slowly over the past few weeks, he realized that perhaps he had already known. Perhaps so had she. But now it was out in the open, now it was something she--and he--could not ignore.
"Oh." he said, feeling himself take an inner, mental step back. Away from the edge. He needed to think about this from a clear distance. "And do you believe it?"
Nemu watched him carefully. Not for research, as had been her motive early on, but from concern. Her hand moved, not to her heart, but to a spot just under the right breast that had felt cold steel not too long past. And still hurt, but not from physical pain. “I am… afraid to be definitive.” She finally answered. “But I would think that would explain many things, and is quite likely an accurate summation of my…” The shinigami paused before using the word. “… emotions.”
"It would make sense," he murmured, treading on dangerous ground at he attempted to think through things while keeping attentive to her reactions. "I do not find myself to be very surprised." Ulquiorra cast a glance in her direction, noticing the placement of her hand. It made him wary, and he could feel the remnants of what he had discovered to be guilt on that day. Did she want something from him?
“I…” Nemu tried to calm herself, even from where her hand was feeling the flutters of heartbeat racing. With what? … Fear. “I wanted to know…” She spoke slowly, haltingly. “… what you feel.” She didn’t want to hear what he usually fell back to. Arrancar don’t feel.. She knew well enough by now that it was an untrue statement.
She did want something from him. He felt like pacing, suddenly unnerved and uncomfortable in his skin. But it wouldn't do well for him to do such, to show such unease. He looked at her for a moment before giving in to the urge to at least move, walking from his desk to the kitchen, and back again. Feelings? She wanted to know how he felt. How could he tell her that, when he had no idea himself? "I.. " He shook his head--finding him slip around the answer, shy away from speaking. The realization fueled anger--he was no coward.
"I am not entirely aware. You ask.. quite the question. But the answer I can give you is... I have become.. fond of our discusions, and the time that I have spent with you. And that I find myself.. regretting the damage wrought by my sword the last time we met."
She sighed, but it was no heavy sigh, but one of relief. The hard part, that was the hard part, wasn’t it?, was over. Nemu looked up to meet his gaze once more. She smiled softly. Had she been expecting more? Perhaps, but she would have known from the beginning that avenue would fail. That he would concede this much was more than she had realistically dreamt. And she was content with it, however much that counted for. She did not need the word ‘love’, it only confused her. This was fine, this was… happy enough, more than she thought she deserved. She offered no further explanations, no more prying into emotion, but… there was one thing that had come up repeatedly during her affection survey that she really wanted to try. To see. Nemu knew this hadn’t worked last time, when he had a heart, but she softly patted the spot on the seat next to her, murmuring gently. “Please?” Finally taking her hand from the place she had been injured.
He did not know why she wanted to sit with him, but he didn't know a lot of things about the ways of women or hearts or anything like that. The memories of that day lingered, but he no longer could pull information from it, or become clouded with much confusion because of it. Things had changed, but not that much. He sat, watching her warily for a moment. "Cirucci says she has talked to you."
Nemu didn't make any moves towards him yet. Didn't want to scare, to unnerve. Thinking back, the creation nodded evenly, folded her hands back into her lap, taking... was it comfort, from his closeness. "Cirucci Thunderwitch, yes, she did." The shinigami almost smiled, the Arrancar had definitely set out to annoy her, but she did not annoy easily. In fact, she could honestly say the only person she'd ever been annoyed with had been herself. "She seemed quite intent on whether my sexual encounters with you were pleasurable." A small shrug of her shoulder, that smile barely twitching in the corner of her lips. "I told her I was afraid I could not definitively answer that question. She seemed most upset."
"She is indeed curious about those kinds of things." If he knew how, he might have smiled, for his own conversations with the Arancarr had probably run along the same lines. Though his had probably been more enjoyable for Cirucci. He was more willing to give information, considering their agreement. "I'm sure she's dying to get her hands on any such information. Though she has agreed to tell me what she knows of Grimmjow and your Shinigami girl."
"Indeed she is." Nemu agreed. But the creation had no concept of shame, did not know such conversation was considered quite vulgar. "... Has she now?" Nemu blinked once in surprise. "I must admit... the situation worries me. Hinamori... is important to me. I do not wish her hurt. But also I admit Grimmjow Jaggerjack seems... to be fond of the time he spends with her, to regret the damage he has wrought her." She intentionally used the same words Ulquiorra had just recently said; though she was ready with a soothing word if that rumpled the Arrancar's sensitive ego.
Ulquiorra frowned, thinking over all the buisness with the sixth espada. For as much as he speculated and bothered Grimmjow about the relationship, he knew very little about it and was concerned with what it might lead to. "That is curious. Though I suppose not entirely surprising, considering he has always been more.. emotional than others. Though his emotion was, in the past, along the lines of anger and rage. It is a strange development."
"Many... strange things have occurred, don't you think?" Nemu asked quietly, a doubly meant statement. Her hands unfolded in her lap, looser now. She was moving painfully slow, but she had her reasons. "This City makes such things occur. You put people in situations they would never be in, with people they would never associate with..." All her words had more than one meaning. The factual and the personal. "... and things happen that never would have before."
"Indeed it does." he said simply, as though he had taken no notice at the double meaning of her words. He had, though, and thought them over in the back of his mind. But he also had no intention of changing to suit anyone, so he merely sat back in his chair for a moment, pondering the current status of the other Arrancar. "Do you suppose he would, in fact, hurt the girl?"
"I should certainly hope he would not." Her response was quick. "I and mine would be most upset." Her gaze flit around for a moment in thought. "But... I am of the opinion that he would regret doing such a thing." Her hands now lay at her side, relaxed, open. She wanted to see something, still, but... was afraid to proceed, afraid of what would happen. Afraid to push too far, hope too much. In case she erased all the progress they had made, afraid to disappoint herself. "Do you?"
"He is not one to trust. Although, he does become so very attatched to those that ignite his passion. Your strange redheaded boy Shinigami is an example of that. Grimmjow is attatched to him, though that is a relationship born out of mutual distrust and anger. So perhaps he will treat her well. Well enough from what can be expected from an Arrancar of his position." Casting her a glance, he snorted. "I would not have thought it in him, but I have been proven wrong before."
"Attached, I see. He also seemed very angry at the arrival of the Vizard." Nemu's head cocked to the side a little wondering if there was a double meaning in the Arrancar's last statement. "Have you had a chance to observe the Vizard? They are most interesting specimens."
"I have not had much of a chance." he addmited, frowning at the prospect of becoming lax in his own research. "I know some from previous times, but not much of the new commer now."
"He is interesting." Nemu admitted, steeling herself. She... wanted to try this. Ever since exchanging words with all the people during the survey she'd wanted to try it. Not just with anyone. ... With him. "But there are more interesting things." More double meanings from a woman used to blunt and factual statements. But finally, slowly, she moved, one hand covering the Arrancar's own, fingers interlacing gently. ... A gesture of affection.
Ulquiorra blinked, looking down at their now intwined hands with a curious expression. Just what was she doing? He waited, expecting some other sort of movement, but when nothing happened, he looked back up to her. The feel of her hand was neither pleasent nor unpleasent--he had felt her hands before, and knew that they were soft and strong and only slightly smaller than his own. He blinked at her, raising his eyebrow. "yes?"
Nemu smiled gently, a strange feeling... happiness, that he did not pull away. "It is affection." She offered, voice low, thumb running softly over his knuckles. Ulquiorra's hands had always amazed her. Thin, bony, the skin so pale, and very gentile, not calloused or any such thing.
Leaning back a bit, he regarded her with a mild look of disbeleif. "Affection?" What the devil had gotten into her, to think of such things. And if this was affection, then Ulquiorra had no idea why there was such a big fuss made about it all the time. This meant possitively nothing, did it not? A connection of hands, a touch of skin. Hardly enough to be remarked on. "How rediculious."
"It is not just this that is affection, apparently." Nemu was unfazed by his demeanor, quite used to it by this point. And knowing that not everything he said was what it sounded like, or was necessarily aimed at who he was speaking to. He was... complicated, she knew. "It's more supposed to be the thought behind it." She cited things from the survey report she'd given him. "It means..." She paused, lips pursed for a moment as she tried to remember. "... that I am thinking of you. And that I care."
"Well of course you are thinking of me, as we are having a conversation." Obviously she was paying too much attention to this survey of hers, for it was scrambling the sense from her brain. He knew she cared, for whatever reasons she had, so why did it need repeating? He looked back down at their hands again with a frown--it did make it difficult to do anything with both hands if she was insistant on holding on to one of them. "And what is to come of it?"
"... I'm not sure." Nemu blinked. No one had told her quite that much. But she thought it... enjoyable. In a simple sort of way. "But there are apparently other ways to show affection, if this one does not suit you."
"I dont see the point in this, or any other one you could imagine up," he said with a frown, still not getting it. But she seemed to be enjoying it, which was odd. It must be something to do with her make up or some such thing.
"I'm not entirely sure myself." Nemu gave a small shrug. "But..." She smiled slightly. "I find it comforting... you comforting..." Her gaze faltered for a brief moment. "Despite events." Unwittingly her grip tightened on his hand for a second, a small squeeze.
"I see," he murmured, more confused than ever, but he did not comment more upon it. If she chose to trust him, despite what had happened, then that could hardly be considered a negative thing. Though he wanted to know why. "Why?"
"I..." Nemu paused. "... That is the problem, I am not sure why." And that bothered her, it really did. She liked having reasons. "But... when I am around you I wish to do... things."
"Do things? What kind of things?"
Nemu blinked again. Well, she supposed she would have to show him. She released his hand, turning on the couch to face him, tucking her legs under her. "Things like this." Her hands went to his face, one on the bone mask, smooth and cool under her fingers, the other on the side of his neck. She pressed against him gently, lips finding his. This, though she couldn't adequately describe 'this', was it. And in a corner of her mind, Nemu had to wonder what sexual intercourse was like, was it different, on a day not cursed.
Ulquiorra pulled back, blinking at her with a frown. What was that about? TIpping his head to the side, he sighed slightly. "Is that what you meant?"
"You are... displeased?" Nemu asked, eyes lidded. "I am merely answering the question in action, as I had no adequate words." But she did not move, still slightly against him, not wanting to, and almost afraid to make a move.
He wasn't sure what he was. It wasnt nesscarily unpleasent, but he didnt really know what to make of it. He was not aware of any curses being in affect, and yet, here they were. "I don't understand."
"I don't either." Nemu answered honestly, idly, hesitantly, the hand on his neck moved gently, softly caressing. "But... I like..." She met his gaze. "You... and being... around you... and... with you... though I don't know why." She supposed this was supposed to be embarrassing, but found herself... suddenly calm.
"Ah," he said, thinking it over. "And what do you expect from me?"
"... I'm not sure." Nemu's gaze softened. "I am not used to expecting anything, nor am I used to expecting anyone to owe me anything, that I would deserve anything..." She thought for a moment. "But... I would like..." She fished for a word not overly forward or pretentious. "To be tolerated. To be... accepted? And... if my presence were to do anything for you I would be... pleased."
"You are tollerated." He blinked at her for a moment, surprised she would not feel such. "If you were not you would not be here." Didn't she know these things? "Our conversations are enjoyable, are they not?"
"They are most enjoyable." Nemu answered, nodding slowly. Her lower back felt uncomfortable, and she shifted, though the motion drew her slightly closer. "... But does my prescense please you? Do I?" She had learned that bringing one's partner happiness, pleasure, was quite an important facet of this whole... whatever this was she was afraid to name.
He had never thought of it on those terms before. He would have to think this over. "Well... I suppose.." He didnt know, really.
"May I?" She didn't want to admit it, but her heart rate was rising. That he would say such a thing? ... Made her very happy. She was unsure how to convey such happiness in words, however, she knew how only in actions, in... shows of affection, in what she had learned of the sexual.
"May you what?" he said, eyeing her warily.
"Please you?" She asked, completely candid and with absolutely no shame whatsoever.
Ulquiorra blinked, eyes widdening as things slowly dawned upon him. So this is what she wanted. "I... don't know. I have no... desire for it."
Of all the things that had been said that had confused her, this actually confused her more. She looked away from his gaze, down to herself. When Mayuri had wanted to create a perfect creation, he meant perfect in every aspect, including the physical beauty aspect. That she would not be desirable did not offend her personally, but seemed contrary to what she knew. … Curious, not just personally, also scientifically, Nemu leaned closer, pressing against the Arrancar, all soft and curve, mouth finding his again before he could protest, no chaste one this time, one hand still on his neck and the other tracing down his chest.
“None?” She asked, voice husky, pulling away just enough to speak.
Ulquiorra leaned back away from her, his frown deepening. It wasn’t that her actions were unpleasant--he remembered enough from their previous trysts that she was skilled as a sexual partner. But there was a time and a place for such, and this certainly didn't feel like such a time. And even if it was, Ulquiorra had no desire to do such a think--he just currently did not see the point.
Blinking, feeling slightly awkward as he leaned away, he shook his head. "None."
Nemu pulled away, noting his awkwardness, filing that response away for future reference, sitting back, though she still faced him, legs tucked under her. She gave a small shrug, not at all offended or put off by his reaction. “Perhaps there is an error, then.” She merely offered, referring to herself. After all, Mayuri-sama had built her for many purposes. It seemed only natural to her that she may need improvement.
"An error?" that seemed like an odd thing to say, but it made him suddenly uncomfortable. Did the error lie within him? He was not created for such purposes, but that didn't seem to stop the other Arrancar. Was there something wrong with him then? He did not like the thought.
Noting that Ulquiorra seemed to have taken her statement wrong, Nemu hurried to correct him. "With me." She clarified, not wanting him to misunderstand or think her to be insulting him.
"I know. But that’s a preposterous to think," he muttered, feeling more out of place than he had in a very long time and not liking the feel of it one bit. This was not how things were supposed to proceed
"... It is?" She asked, now quite confused herself. Her hands had folded back in her lap, gaze having turned back from sultry to a simple gentle expression.
"Of course. I doubt there is anything wrong with either of us."
"Oh." Nemu smiled slightly. She took it as a sort of... compliment. "Thank you, Ulquiorra."
Frowning, he simply shrugged his shoulders. This was strange and so he simply stood up, looking about the room. He was in desperate need for a distraction.
Nemu had opened her mouth to speak, though she was unsure of what she was going to say, but ended up covering her mouth with her hands as a small yawn escaped her. Once she had finished she blinked. “I am terribly sorry.” She apologized, still covering her mouth with one hand, feeling another coming on. She had come here from her apartment… where she had been thinking further on what she had been thinking on in the forest, where she had not slept. … And she had not rested, knowing that if she took the time to pause she would lose the nerve she’d worked up to show affection, to ask what she had.
Blinking down at her, he took it as a sign of his distraction and shook his head. "No need to apologize. Sleep, if you'd like." He looked behind the couch to pull out a few blankets, handing them to her. It was just the couch, not like he was in use of it, so it didn't seem to be a problem to let her sleep there if she was tired. He had other things to hold his attention for a while longer.
"I..." Nemu smiled, no small one. "Thank you, Ulquiorra." She accepted the blankets, letting her hands linger on his for a small moment, another gesture of affection, though not a large one, as she did not wish him awkwardness again. She probably could have made it home with no troubles but this… she… liked this. "You have work?" She asked, nodding towards his desk as she placed her zanpakutou on the floor, loosening the sash at her waist to make her clothing more comfortable for sleep, bare legs unfolding as she began arranging blankets.
"Yes." he said simply, eyeing her to make sure she covered herself completely with the blanket. If she some how caught some chill while sleeping in his apartment, he was sure the other Shinigami would be banging down his door to blame him. "I will remain quite."
"No, it's alright." Nemu settled, drawing the blankets up over her, shifting about a little to make herself comfortable. "I may watch?" She had always held thought that the Arrancar seemed most in his element during such activities as work and intellectual activities, and most appealing. Her eyes closed slightly, but remained slightly open, legs drawn up under the blankets in an almost child-like sleeping position.
Raising an eyebrow at the odd request, he merely shrugged, returning to his desk. He wouldn't do anything to deter her from staying awake, but he didn't understand why she would want to. He was merely inscribing the information he had gathered earlier, playing back the events of the day in his head like a film, as thanks to the special properties of his eye.
Nemu smiled softly; shifting around a bit more before she found comfortable spots, eyes half-lidded in tiredness, but wanting to stay awake a bit longer. She watched the Arrancar for a few minutes, idly noting she felt no discomfort, no fear, no uneasiness, though she was incredibly vulnerable. But she was glad at the same time. When she finally closed her eyes, hand opening and the blankets settling on her shoulder, she had a small smile on her lips.