tampered | Log: Complete

When; January 10th, just after midnight
Rating; G
Characters; Tomoe Hotaru

heroshirou
Summary; Hotaru finally gets what she's been waiting for.
Log;

Dark. Everything was dark. She was trapped, trapped in the nightmarish realm of her own dreams, haunted by the phantasms of her past and her present. Everytime she tried to escape, tried to grasp for the flash of light that blinked faintly from the edges of the blackness, something pushed her down, crushing her attempts with it's ruthless efficiency. She fought it, flailed against it with frantic terror, trying to beat the darkness away from her. Archer. She wanted Archer, wanted him more then anything else she could think of. Archer was safe. Archer made the darkness go away. Archer would protect her from it. But...Archer was dead. She KNEW he was dead, she'd seen his body vanish away in her arms. But it wasn't supposed to BE like that. The City wasn't supposed to let anyone die. But then...amidst the swirling blackness of her nightmares, she heard something. Something familiar. A voice. Gathering her strength, fighting her way through, she finally felt the dream's hold loosen. With a scream of fright, she sat straight up, gasping for breath, Archer's name on her lips.

Archer was calm. After two days of being in spirit form, he had plenty of time to calm down. He was seated next to Hotaru. When she woke up and screamed his name, it surprised him a little. "I'm here..."

The sound of his voice proved to be the trigger that broke through her panic. The tables that had begun to rattle dropped to the ground, the curtains stopped billowing, everything was still. Slowly she turned, eyes huge and dark in her face, trembling as though she might faint at any moment, she swallowed as she fixed her eyes on him. "A..A...Archer? It...it's really...really you?"

"You put me through a lot of trouble you know." He said that with a smile, to let her know he was happy.

Her lower lip began to quiver as the tears started to flow freely down her already tear-stained cheeks. With a sob, she flung herself off of the couch and into his arms, clinging to him as though she was a drowning person and he was the only liferaft. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry I killed you, that I let you get hurt, that I only do everything wrong, please don't leave me alone!"

Archer's face wilted into a look of disbelief. Thankfully, she couldn't see. "I never died."

"Yes you did, I saw, you disappeared, you LEFT me!" Perhaps if she'd been in slightly less of a state of upset, she might have stopped to think that one couldn't really kill a spirit. Even if said spirit DID have a physical form.

"What you saw, Hotaru, is you running out of mana. When you can't support me, I disappear." Archer rubbed her head, hoping to calm her down just a little.

Sniffling, she raised her head slightly to look at him through tear-filled violet eyes. "Mana?"

Archer didn't want to expect much from her. After all, she had been overdosed with drugs. "Remember when we first met. We talked about this and how your mana powers me."

She nodded slowly. When she met him? She...couldn't remember that. It was fuzzy. In fact...there were a lot of things that were fuzzy, as though someone was holding a pane of frosted glass between her and parts of her memories. But..it was strange. Even though some things were fuzzy, other things were as clear as they could be. Including the fact that she loved him. As well as the fact that he thought it was wrong for him to love her. Pulling back slightly, she glanced away. "I...I'm sorry, Archer. I..didn't mean to cling to you like that..." She wasn't sure right now WHY he thought that way. She just knew...that she didn't want to upset him.

Archer slid a little closer to make up for the difference. "Don't worry about that right now. Just worry about yourself."

Why was he getting closer? Didn't he understand that she was trying not to do something that would make him unhappy? She wasn't his girlfriend, or anything like that. Hotaru didn't know HOW she knew that, she certainly didn't remember hearing him say so, but...well, maybe she had. Afterall, there were enough holes in her memory right now that she supposed that even if someone told her that she'd once had blue skin she couldn't definitively tell them no. She shook her head. "No, I'm...ok. I feel kindof sick, though. Can...can I have some tea? My head hurts..." She shifted away a bit, replacing the distance between them and trying to ignore how badly she wanted to do just the opposite.

Archer sighed and gave her a hug. "Will you stop it!"

Eyes widening slightly, she stiffened, biting her lip to keep from simply melting into his embrace like she wanted to. "S..s..stop what, A..Archer?"

"Stop acting like you don't want to get close to me. I don't like it."

She bit her lip harder, determined not to cry. Even when she tasted blood, she didn't stop. "I....that's not why...." It was getting too hard to fight it, and so she finally relaxed, nestling her head on his shoulder, one arm sliding around his neck.

Archer rubbed her back softly. He could feel her ribs through her shirt, which reminded him. "You need to get some rest. After you do that, you have a lot of eating and recovering to do."

"No!" No, not sleep. Anything but sleep. Sleep was where IT waited. The darkness that had clawed at her mind, held her prisoner. She wasn't safe when she slept. "I...don't want to go to sleep..."

"I...I will sleep with you. Keep the scary things away."

She shook her head, tightening her hold on him. No, she couldn't sleep. And she was thirsty. So thirsty. "No sleep. Can't...can't I just stay like this...? Please...?" The way she said it, and the look in her eyes, it was almost as if she were afraid of what his answer would be.

"We can stay like this until you get tired. Whether it be two hours or two days. Anything for you."

Nodding, she shifted slightly, snuggling her head under his chin, fingers curling around the fabric of his jacket. She was silent for a moment, simply thinking. "Ne...Archer? Why were you and Itachi-sama fighting?"

Archer held Hotaru a little tighter when she asked that question. "He has hurt you badly. Your problems now are caused by that man. It is a proven fact."

That confused her. Partially because it didn't seem like the sort of thing that Itachi-sama would do, and partially because she couldn't remember a time when he'd hurt her. "But...he hasn't hurt me. He stayed on the phone with me all night when you and I...." She trailed off, not wanting to think back to the night they'd had their fight.

Acher didn't know that, but he only had to take a wild guess to know why he was on the phone with her. "He only wanted to talk to you to see how his drug was affecting you. He drugged your tea. That is why you wanted it enough to hurt me."

She pulled back to stare at him in disbelief. "I...I hurt you? No, I...." She put her head in her hands, as though trying to squeeze the memories out of it. "Why can't I remember?!"

"You can't remember because of the same reason you are here in Shizune's house, being healed. Itachi drugging you."

She was crying again. There was something important, something that she couldn't remember. "Why...why would Itachi-sama do something like that? I..I don't understand. I..I remember...remember...you were disappearing. And walking. And then I saw you fighting with Itachi-sama. Then....I was in a strange place. But...you were there. And a lot of pain. And before that...I remember wind...." She clenched her hands in her lap. "And...I remember you said I'm just your master. And...I remember I talked to Itachi-sama all night. He told me things would be OK..." No, this was wrong. Something was wrong, something was missing.

"When you feel better and get your thoughts in line, we can talk about more. I've made my share of mistakes. If I could go back in time, I'd change some of the things I've said. Sorry."

Shaking her head, Hotaru let her head rest on his shoulder again. "No...you were just being honest...it...it's ok." Even as she said them, the words soured her mouth. No. It WASN'T ok. Perhaps he was satisfied with things the way they were now, but could she really ever be? She didn't know. She wanted more then he did, more from this...partnership, relationship....she wasn't sure really WHAT to call it. But regardless of what it was called, she couldn't shake the feeling that she saw it as something competely different then he did.

Archer felt bad. He was just angry when that happened. He didn't know what had come over him. "No, you're wrong. I was just saying things out of anger. Trying to make you feel how I felt, but it was the wrong thing to do. I'm really sorry."

She smiled slightly at him and shook her head. "It's...alright. I'm not mad at you or anything..." Glancing around, she swallowed, trying to wet her throat. She wanted tea. It...was strange. She'd never craved tea before. Not like she did now. "Archer? I..I'm thirsty..."

Archer knew what was running through her mind. She wanted tea. She was still addicted. "I will get you water. All you will get is water until Shizune says you can have some tea."

"O....ok....water is fine.." His mood didn't make sense. But then, she supposed that there were a lot of things that didn't make sense right now.

Archer got up and went into the kitchen. He filled up a small glass with water, brought it back to Hotaru, and gave her the glass.

So thirsty. It was almost like her throat was on fire. Hotaru took the glass and downed it in one gulp, handing it back to him. "More?"

"Of course." Archer repeated what he did. This time he sat down beside her and put the cup to her mouth himself.

Not really sure why he was holding the glass this time, she reached up and wrapped both hands around it, sucking down the cool liquid as fast as she could, trying to quell the burning in her throat that just seemed to be getting worse.

"Anything else I can get you?"

Finishing off the water, she looked up at him with a pleading look on her face. "More? It burns....my throat burns....Archer, make it stop.."

Archer went back to the kitchen and got her more. He handed her the glass again. "There isn't much I can do. You'll just have to live through it until Shizune can give you some pain medication."

"Can...can I have something different to drink, Archer? Please...?"

Archer shook his head. "Only water right now. It's best for you. Trust me."

She frowned, eyebrows drawing together in a half-hearted pout. "But I want tea.....it tastes better...."

"Later. When Shizune says you can." Archer emphasized his point by putting his hand on her head and ruffling her hair.

Her nose wrinkled up as she pouted more, but she stopped protesting and snuggled up against him. "Ne, Archer? Did you..have a family before you were Archer?"

Archer blinked at this random question. "No, not a real one."

"What do you mean?" It wasn't so much that she wanted to pry. But...she wanted to know. Not just that, but everything about him. It also kept her mind off of the burning in her throat and the ache that was starting to seep through her muscles.

"What I mean is the family I had wasn't actually related to me. I never knew my real mother and father."

She nodded slightly. "I don't remember my mother either. Did they die?"

"I don't know what happened to them."

"Oh." It confused her, but she supposed that there were all sorts of families out there. "So...what was the family you DID have like?"

Archer wasn't quite ready to give up much information about his past. So he tried changing the conversation. "Don't you think you should be resting? Shizune will kill me if you aren't."

His sudden change of subject stung, but she bit her lip slightly and smiled at him. "I don't want to rest. I want to be with you." Laying her head back down on his shoulder, she started tracing the patterns on his armour, like she often did when she snuggled up to him like this. "Archer....you can just say you don't want to talk about it, you know. I...I understand that there's things you don't want me to know about. I'm....sorry I was prying..." She laughed softly\, face buried in his shoulder. "Having me around is probably like having an annoying little sister around who asks too many questions and bothers you all the time, huh?"

Archer put his arm around her shoulders. "No, having you around is like being with someone I really care for."

Someone I really care for. Not someone I love. Hotaru couldn't decide whether she wanted to smile, or to cry. So instead she settled for snuggling closer, snaking an arm around his torso and burrowing her head up underneath his chin. "I really lo....care for you too, Archer..."

Archer leaned backwards against the back of the couch, pulling Hotaru with him. "This is comfortable. I feel like I could sleep right here."

She nodded slightly, letting him pull her back with him, head resting on his chest. "It's a nice couch..."

Archer sighed and closed his eyes. "Don't worry Hotaru. I'll protect you. You are the best person I've ever known and I doubt that will change. Nobody will hurt you again."

Nodding again, she laid her head back down, determined to keep from falling asleep. She shivered slightly and glanced up at him. "Archer...I'm cold."

Archer pulled his cloak over her head and body. "Is this better?"

She giggled slightly, ducking down so she was entirely underneath it, staring out at him from underneath the fabric. "I feel like I'm in a tent. But...yes. It's warmer now. Thank you, Archer."

"Anything for you. Anything."

"Because I'm your master?" Her voice shook ever so slightly, afraid of what his answer would be.

Archer shook his head. "No. Not at all." He bent his head down and whispered to her. "It's because I love you."

Her eyes widened, tears welling up in them again. "You...but I thought...I thought you said it was wrong....for servants to love their masters....that you...didn't want...."

"It is wrong, but for you, I'm willing to accept the consequences."

"But...why does it have to be wrong? It's not fair to say you can't love someone..."

"Does it really matter now? I've said it and I meant it."

He had a point. Did it really matter? She wasn't sure if it did, but she knew that right now, it didn't. Reaching up, she wiped a hand across her eyes, dashing away the tears as she shook her head. "No...I guess it doesn't matter."

"Now, once again, if you don't mind, I don't want to get in trouble with your doctor. So please, get to sleep. I will sleep with you, so you don't have problems."

Nodding, she laid her head back down on his chest. "Ok....." One hand fumbled for his and, finding it, curled her fingers through his. "I love you, Archer...." Even though she tried to fight it, her body had other ideas and she was asleep within minutes, head pillowed against Archer's chest, fingers wrapped around his larger ones.

Archer closed his eyes also. He was still low on mana, so sleeping was the best idea. He quickly faded off, hoping not to be waken up anytime soon by Shizune.