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tampered2007-02-21 04:13 pm
no-chickflicks.livejournal.com) wrote in tampered2007-02-21 04:13 pm
Log; Complete
When; February 21, morning
Rating; PG
Warnings; Incest
Characters; Sam [![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
visioning] and Dean [no_chickflicks]
Summary; While still under the effects of the Desire shard, Sam tries to convince Dean to get the shard taken out.
Log;
Three days now. Three! And nothing had changed. It'd been bad enough the week before when the series of 'sin' curses had taken effect. Being practically molested by your older brother wasn't something he expected to soon forget. But then to have the situation repeated...
But despite that, Sam had refused to back out of his 'duty'. Dean wasn't acting himself, and Sam was determined to keep an eye on him during it. Having a certain demon break in to their apartment hadn't made things any better however. It'd just added more...confusion...to the mess. In their experiences so far, he'd learned a lot about demons. One main fact being that demons lie. So Flint had to be lying...didn't he?
No, no thinking about that. Instead, concentrate on going to check up on Dean. The lock picks had been stolen, leaving the elder Winchester without a way to escape his bedroom. Not until Sam let him out that morning. ...which was just what he was doing right then.
With a click, the door unlocked, before swinging open almost soundlessly. "...Dean?"
Being locked in a room sucked, and right now, Dean knew exactly how much it did. Sammy had locked him in here for no reason what-so-ever, or at least it seemed that way from Dean's point of view. All Dean wanted was...well, Dean wanted everything right now, and he had no idea why, though he didn't want to think of why. He just wanted.
Dean looked up from the starring out the window when he heard his brother walking down the hall towards the door. Dean had tried to get out, multiple times, and in rather creative ways after he discovered his brother stole his lock picks, even tried to climb down the side of the building out the window, though that had been a bust after Sammy came to give him some food, finding Dean half outside the window. After that situation, Dean decided to just stay with it, knowing that eventually his brother would break down and let him out, and as he heard the footsteps coming closer, he figured today would probably be that day.
He stood up as Sammy opened the door, "What?" His voice sounded hard, though it was all a front. Dean wasn't really pissed off at Sam, he couldn't be pissed at Sam.
He flinched, despite himself, at the tone of Dean's voice. Sure, he could understand why the guy was acting the way he was, but it was for his own good. Wasn't it? "...how're you feeling now?" ...or perhaps it was simply because he was...scared.
"Dean, I..." A sigh, and he stepped away from the door, leaving the path open. "...look, I'm sorry about this, alright. But, you'll thank me, once it's over." He smiled weakly, motioning down the hallway. "If you think you can manage it, you can come have breakfast with me?" Because, in all honesty, he just wanted his brother back.
Dean turned and just looked at his brother for a moment. The feelings he's had over the past couple of days were still there, an overwhelming desire to touch, to have.It scared Dean to feel it, especially over his brother. He knew that those feelings were wrong, and that he was not supposed to have them, but that didn't stop him from feeling them now, nor did it stop him years ago, before Sam ran off to college. He had always felt that way over his brother, but he did nothing about it, not wanting to scare Sam off, knowing that his baby brother was normal. But still, Dean couldn't stop remembering the way Sammy had reacted when he- NO, Not going there.
Dean shifted slightly and the corner of his mouth upturned into his patented smirk. "Yeah, I bet you're sorry." He shrugged off his brother's sentimentality, hating the chick flick moments Sammy kept steering towards. "Food sounds good." He moved forwards and out the door, passing in close to Sam on his way letting his arm graze against his brother's, his hand gripping Sam's in a loose clasp for a brief second.
He could only watch for a few moments as Dean made his way out. The brush, the hold, he shook his head at. No, no thinking. He just needed to make sure they were both ready, and then he could try to steer Dean toward this Mytho person. Things would be back to normal in no time. Even if that meant...
Following on after Dean, Sam made his way over toward the table where two plates of breakfast sat in wait. They could do this, right? It was just breakfast after all. It wasn't as though there was anything Dean had to do except eat. "Coffee or orange?"
Dean stopped as he entered the dinning room, taking the breakfast in. It was all so normal, just two brothers having breakfast, as if only a few days before Dean hadn't molested his baby brother. Dean stopped his thoughts right there, not wanting to think about what had made him do that. There was nothing wrong with him, nothing.
His mind snapped out of his thoughts at his brother's question. He glanced over at Sam, noticing how his brother was standing farther away from him than normal. He sighed mentally before answering, "Coffee." Dean walked over to the table and sat down before one of the plates, not looking at Sam.
"Sure." With a nod, Sam headed back into the kitchen again, returning moments later with two cups of coffee. He placed them down, one alongside each plate, before taking his own seat. And from there, things only seemed to get worse.
Glancing over to Dean briefly, he frowned. When had it ever been so hard to just strike up a conversation with the other? Not even after their dad had... It just didn't seem right. And the space across the table seemed to be growing by the second. It shouldn't have been so uncomfortable.
Dean sipped his coffee and poked at his breakfast, not really all that hungry. He couldn't concentrate on his food with Sammy sitting there across from him, just staring at him. He wasn't looking at his brother, but he could feel Sam's eyes on him. Shifting a little in his seat, his foot moving forward slightly and hitting Sam's.
He froze.
He hadn't meant to do that, he knew Sam would take any touches right now in the wrong way, and as much as Dean wanted to, he stopped himself, most of the time. The occasional graze, fine, but with the way he's been acting now, if he touched his brother, he wouldn't be able to stop.
His fork scraped across his plate, his teeth gritting together at the touch. No, don't make a big deal out of it. Don't bring any attention to it. It was just a mistake. A slip. That was it. Sliding his feet back a little, Sam simply continued to eat, his gaze staying on his plate and that alone.
"...I spoke to someone earlier. They...might be able to help you out." Well, he might as well approach the subject now. Hopefully it would make things easier when they finally did leave.
He was waiting for his brother's reaction, for Sammy to back away and leave, but he didn't. The tension in Dean's shoulders slowly released at that, thankful that Sammy wasn't going to leave him. He shouldn't need his brother like he did, but he couldn't stop it.
The tension returned quickly at Sam's next statement, and Dean grew angry. "How many times do I have to say it? There's nothing wrong with me." Dean had felt like this before, it had just been a few years since he has.
Almost biting his tongue to stop himself from reacting, Sam shook his head. "You're wrong." Dean was acting anything but normal. He would've had to have been blind to not notice it. "You're not like this," he added, frowning over at his brother.
Shards of a heart, or so he'd been told. Dean had been affected by an emotion. A strong emotion. And that was the reason behind the way he was acting. It was making him want things that he wouldn't usually. That had to be the case.
Dean pushed back from the table and stood up so quickly his chair fell back. He placed his hands on the table and leaned forward. "Not like what?" He wanted to know what Sam was thinking, what Sam thought of him now.
He couldn't help it. He wanted to try and keep his temper. He knew he was meant to try and be the calm one of the two. But Dean was making that near impossible. "You're not like this! You don't want any of that from me. You're Dean. You're the guy who hits on girls and goes off to get laid, while I'm stuck researching some job. You're not acting like you normally do."
Dean pushed back from the table and started pacing through out the room. He wanted to just go over to his brother and show him just how wrong he was, but he couldn't. It he did, Sam would run, and that was the last thing he wanted.
He stopped pacing at the far end of the room from Sammy, his back towards his brother. His voice was quiet when he spoke. "It wasn't always girls." He never wanted his brother to find out, but there was no way Sam was going to understand that he was acting normal.
He half expected his brother to do something. To come over to him again. And some part of his mind was...upset...that he hadn't. Instead, Sam could only watch as Dean began pacing, trying to think of something.
"....." Okay, so that he hadn't been expecting. But did that honestly make that much of a difference to him? After seeing Dean and that...demon, he should've been able to work that one out by now. "What difference does that make?"
Dean sighed rather loudly, showing his frustration. For being a genius, the guy could really be dense. He spun around and stared at his brother. "You just don't get it do you?" Dean walked slowly over to his brother and stood next to him, a hand reaching out and landing on the back of Sammy's neck, thumb slowly caressing the skin there. Kneeling down, Dean let his forehead press against his brother's shoulder. "It's not a curse that's making me feel this way."
He couldn't help it. Sam found himself frozen in place, He knew for a fact that there was something wrong with his brother, but the man just...didn't get it. And being that close to Dean... "...it is." He sighed, a hand moving to Dean's shoulder to push him back. "You don't feel like this. Not about me."
Shaking his head, Dean grabbed Sam's hand and held it, not letting himself be shoved away this time. He remained kneeling, the hand on Sam's neck moving up into his hair. He gripped the stands briefly, wanting to lower Sam's head so their mouths would meet but he wouldn't, not yet.
"You're wrong." His voice was barely detectable, only heard by someone listening for it. "I tried to stop, tried to ignore it...but I can't." Dean looked towards the floor, not wanting to see the disgust in his brother's eyes and face at the thought of it.
Why was this getting so hard to explain? Everything Dean was feeling, it wasn't him. It was this curse. Or shard. Or whatever it was meant to be. That was what was making Dean act the way he was. ...it had to be.
"Dean...you're just confused." But despite that, his free hand moved to Dean's chin, trying to lift his face so he could actually see the other. A weak smile made its way onto his own as he looked back at his brother. "It'll...be better soon."
Swearing softly under his breath, Dean looked up at his brother. Hurt, anger and a mixture of other emotions evident in his gaze. "Damn it, Sammy, you're not listening to me!" He stood up, bringing his brother with him. He moved them both backwards and pressed Sammy against the wall for the third time in just over a week. He place his hands against the wall on either side of Sam's head, bracing himself in case Sammy tried to make a break for it just like he has on the other occasions.
"It's not the curse making me feel this way," He repeated himself, his voice more stern than before, "It's the curse making me act on it." His head was turned away.
They were moving? His back collided with the wall, bringing back memories of previous events. They'd been in this position before, only Dean had been... Looking to the floor, Sam took a deep breath, trying to stop himself from attacking his brother.
He wanted to leave. He wanted to just...get out of there. But at the same time... "...what do you mean?" ...he wanted to understand. At least, he thought he did.
For once, Dean wasn't completely rushing into things. He wanted to take this slowly, wanting his brother to stay. He lifted one hand from the wall and brought it to Sam's cheek, touching it in a way he has on so many different occasions, only this time his brother wasn't bleeding or battered. His thumb caressed the cheekbone, and his fingers curled slightly into Sam's hair.
"C'mon little brother, you're smarter than that." Sam had to have figured it out by now, he was smart, on his way to becoming a big hot shot lawyer. Dean leaned in and pressed his forehead against Sam's, his eyes closing shut.
He managed to catch himself, only seconds after having nuzzled his cheek against Dean's hand. He wasn't meant to like this, being so close to his brother. No, it wasn't that. He wasn't meant to like being so close to Dean.
...but he couldn't help it.
"I don't..." He cut himself off as Dean leaned against him, the pieces slowly starting to fall in place. Sighing to himself, his hand moved upward, allowing fingers to run gently through Dean's hair. "...why?"
Dean almost purred under Sammy's touch, his head moving back into the caress. He lowered his other hand from the wall onto Sam's shoulder, gripping it loosely, and at the same time moving in closer, eliminating almost all space between them.
"I don't know..." Dean sounded somewhat lost now. He knew he had these feelings for his brother, but he had no idea why. Ever since they were kids Dean had been close to Sam, very over-protective, not letting anyone or anything that might harm Sammy near his little brother. To this day, he still felt that same way, but as he got older the feelings changed. They were still the same, only more. He had tried to ignore them for so long, and then Sammy had left, which nearly broke Dean. He needed his brother, needed his family, to live.
Unable to help himself, Sam moved away from the wall, his head resting against Dean's shoulder. Some part of his mind was still reminding him that his brother was still under some kind of curse. It was the only reason that any of this had happened.
That same part was quickly shut up as his free arm came to wrap around Dean's waist. "...why didn't..." A shake of his head. "...you should've...said something..."
Dean also knew that he was under some sort of curse or influence, there was no other reason for why he was acting like this or actually telling his brother all of this. He almost didn't want to break the curse, if it meant having this.
He ran his fingers through his brother hair before lifting Sammy's chin to look into his eyes. "I didn't...want to leave me again." His leaned forward, nuzzling Sammy before pressing his lips against Sam's in a softer version of their previous kiss.
"Dean, I..." Why was it so hard for him to just explain himself? The fact the Dean was so close to him didn't help make things any easier, but he should've at least been able to say something to stop this. At least until Dean was back to normal again. "...I wouldn't have left..." Despite that, Sam found himself unresponsive as Dean placed a gentle kiss on his lips, though his arm tightened around his brother’s waist.
Dean relaxed at his brother's statement, knowing that Sam meant it. Though he didn't fully relax as he noticed Sam's unresponsiveness. He pulled back a bit, his forehead creasing in worry. Dean reached up with one hand trailing his thumb over Sammy's bottom lip. "What's wrong?"
A shake of his head and Sam glanced away again. "Dean." He wasn't entirely sure if he wanted to hear the answer to the question, but it was something he needed to know. "When did this all start?" He had to know if this was really...just because of the curse.
He just stared at Sammy for a moment before responding. He brought his hand back up to run through Sam's hair, curling his fingers around the back of his brother's skull. His other hand he brought to Sam's chin, turning his head so that Sam would look him in the eye.
"You were sixteen the first time I wanted to kiss you. But it was wrong," He brought Sammy's head forward, pressing a kiss to the corner of Sam's mouth, "And it's still wrong, but I can't stop."
And cue the shock. Eyes wide, Sam could only stand there for a few moments, trying to make sense of Deans confession. "Sixteen?" Nearly eight years ago. And back before...he'd gone to Stanford. At least that explained why he'd never said anything back then.
Pulling his head back, Sam ducked his gaze once more, forehead resting against Deans shoulder. His hands dropped tightening their grip in the sides of Dean's shirt. "...you should've said something..."
He pulled Sammy in closer to him, wanting to feel his brother's body against his own. The more Sam let him close, the harder it was to stop himself from repeating his past actions.
"I couldn't. This is- We're brothers." Dean closed his eyes tight and buried his face in Sam's neck. He leaned them both back against the wall, one hand pressed against the cool surface for balance.
"Then why now?" His thoughts just seemed to be going in circles. Dean was saying he felt something for him, but at the same time, he thought it was wrong. "...what do you want from me, Dean? I can't..." Turning to look at Dean, he frowned. "I don't understand."
"I can't stop myself..." Dean whispered into Sammy's neck before placing a dry kiss to the junction between his neck and shoulder. He ran his free hand down Sam's side to his hip, where he gripped hard enough to almost leave bruises, if it was anyone other than his brother.
He lifted his head and looked Sammy in the eye. "I want you."
He knew he was going to regret it. Or at least, he hoped he would...in a way. But he needed a way to make sure that Dean was himself. And it seemed like the only way to do it. "...then come with me to get the shard taken out." His hand rose to Dean's face, lightly tracing a path down his cheek. "And then...you can."
For a moment after Sam spoke, Dean did nothing. He simply stood there and stared at his brother, then his face split into a grin, his eyes lighting. Nodding, he spoke, "Okay. Let's go then." Before Sam had the chance to pull away, Dean moved in and kissed him again, hoping this time his brother would respond.
Dean's agreement made things both easier and complicated at the same time. He would come along and have himself fixed, meaning things would go back to normal. But what if he still remembered everything that'd happened? ...what if he didn't? He wasn't sure which he'd prefer. "Good. Go get..." But he was cut off as Dean moved back in to kiss him once again. This time however, Sam couldn't help but react, his hand slowly sliding around the back of Dean's neck.
Having Sam kiss him back was better than anything Dean had ever imagined. Sam tasted like coffee and...books was the only thing Dean could think of to describe the unique taste that was his brother. Dean moaned softly from the back of his throat as he pressed Sam more firmly against the wall.
Dean could feel his resolve weakening the longer the kiss went on and after a moment he reluctantly pulled back. It wouldn't do for him to become aggressive now, he didn't want to screw this up, even though deep, deep down Dean knew that this was wrong, they were brothers, and brothers weren't supposed to do things like this.
"I'll get my coat." With that, Dean stepped back away from Sam and turned, leaving the dinning room to go get ready to leave.
He watched, waiting for Dean to leave. It was only then that he finally reacted, his head hitting the wall as a quiet, "...shit" escaped him. Things just weren't going how they should have. He was meant to have controlled it better. He was meant to have gotten Dean fixed, so things could go back to normal. He wasn't meant to...respond to the things Dean did.
Shifting away from the wall, Sam headed back to the table, his coffee disappearing in minutes as he waited for Dean to come back. Once the shard was out, they could just try to forget about things. It'd been the plan before, after all.
Rating; PG
Warnings; Incest
Characters; Sam [
visioning] and Dean [no_chickflicks]Summary; While still under the effects of the Desire shard, Sam tries to convince Dean to get the shard taken out.
Log;
Three days now. Three! And nothing had changed. It'd been bad enough the week before when the series of 'sin' curses had taken effect. Being practically molested by your older brother wasn't something he expected to soon forget. But then to have the situation repeated...
But despite that, Sam had refused to back out of his 'duty'. Dean wasn't acting himself, and Sam was determined to keep an eye on him during it. Having a certain demon break in to their apartment hadn't made things any better however. It'd just added more...confusion...to the mess. In their experiences so far, he'd learned a lot about demons. One main fact being that demons lie. So Flint had to be lying...didn't he?
No, no thinking about that. Instead, concentrate on going to check up on Dean. The lock picks had been stolen, leaving the elder Winchester without a way to escape his bedroom. Not until Sam let him out that morning. ...which was just what he was doing right then.
With a click, the door unlocked, before swinging open almost soundlessly. "...Dean?"
Being locked in a room sucked, and right now, Dean knew exactly how much it did. Sammy had locked him in here for no reason what-so-ever, or at least it seemed that way from Dean's point of view. All Dean wanted was...well, Dean wanted everything right now, and he had no idea why, though he didn't want to think of why. He just wanted.
Dean looked up from the starring out the window when he heard his brother walking down the hall towards the door. Dean had tried to get out, multiple times, and in rather creative ways after he discovered his brother stole his lock picks, even tried to climb down the side of the building out the window, though that had been a bust after Sammy came to give him some food, finding Dean half outside the window. After that situation, Dean decided to just stay with it, knowing that eventually his brother would break down and let him out, and as he heard the footsteps coming closer, he figured today would probably be that day.
He stood up as Sammy opened the door, "What?" His voice sounded hard, though it was all a front. Dean wasn't really pissed off at Sam, he couldn't be pissed at Sam.
He flinched, despite himself, at the tone of Dean's voice. Sure, he could understand why the guy was acting the way he was, but it was for his own good. Wasn't it? "...how're you feeling now?" ...or perhaps it was simply because he was...scared.
"Dean, I..." A sigh, and he stepped away from the door, leaving the path open. "...look, I'm sorry about this, alright. But, you'll thank me, once it's over." He smiled weakly, motioning down the hallway. "If you think you can manage it, you can come have breakfast with me?" Because, in all honesty, he just wanted his brother back.
Dean turned and just looked at his brother for a moment. The feelings he's had over the past couple of days were still there, an overwhelming desire to touch, to have.It scared Dean to feel it, especially over his brother. He knew that those feelings were wrong, and that he was not supposed to have them, but that didn't stop him from feeling them now, nor did it stop him years ago, before Sam ran off to college. He had always felt that way over his brother, but he did nothing about it, not wanting to scare Sam off, knowing that his baby brother was normal. But still, Dean couldn't stop remembering the way Sammy had reacted when he- NO, Not going there.
Dean shifted slightly and the corner of his mouth upturned into his patented smirk. "Yeah, I bet you're sorry." He shrugged off his brother's sentimentality, hating the chick flick moments Sammy kept steering towards. "Food sounds good." He moved forwards and out the door, passing in close to Sam on his way letting his arm graze against his brother's, his hand gripping Sam's in a loose clasp for a brief second.
He could only watch for a few moments as Dean made his way out. The brush, the hold, he shook his head at. No, no thinking. He just needed to make sure they were both ready, and then he could try to steer Dean toward this Mytho person. Things would be back to normal in no time. Even if that meant...
Following on after Dean, Sam made his way over toward the table where two plates of breakfast sat in wait. They could do this, right? It was just breakfast after all. It wasn't as though there was anything Dean had to do except eat. "Coffee or orange?"
Dean stopped as he entered the dinning room, taking the breakfast in. It was all so normal, just two brothers having breakfast, as if only a few days before Dean hadn't molested his baby brother. Dean stopped his thoughts right there, not wanting to think about what had made him do that. There was nothing wrong with him, nothing.
His mind snapped out of his thoughts at his brother's question. He glanced over at Sam, noticing how his brother was standing farther away from him than normal. He sighed mentally before answering, "Coffee." Dean walked over to the table and sat down before one of the plates, not looking at Sam.
"Sure." With a nod, Sam headed back into the kitchen again, returning moments later with two cups of coffee. He placed them down, one alongside each plate, before taking his own seat. And from there, things only seemed to get worse.
Glancing over to Dean briefly, he frowned. When had it ever been so hard to just strike up a conversation with the other? Not even after their dad had... It just didn't seem right. And the space across the table seemed to be growing by the second. It shouldn't have been so uncomfortable.
Dean sipped his coffee and poked at his breakfast, not really all that hungry. He couldn't concentrate on his food with Sammy sitting there across from him, just staring at him. He wasn't looking at his brother, but he could feel Sam's eyes on him. Shifting a little in his seat, his foot moving forward slightly and hitting Sam's.
He froze.
He hadn't meant to do that, he knew Sam would take any touches right now in the wrong way, and as much as Dean wanted to, he stopped himself, most of the time. The occasional graze, fine, but with the way he's been acting now, if he touched his brother, he wouldn't be able to stop.
His fork scraped across his plate, his teeth gritting together at the touch. No, don't make a big deal out of it. Don't bring any attention to it. It was just a mistake. A slip. That was it. Sliding his feet back a little, Sam simply continued to eat, his gaze staying on his plate and that alone.
"...I spoke to someone earlier. They...might be able to help you out." Well, he might as well approach the subject now. Hopefully it would make things easier when they finally did leave.
He was waiting for his brother's reaction, for Sammy to back away and leave, but he didn't. The tension in Dean's shoulders slowly released at that, thankful that Sammy wasn't going to leave him. He shouldn't need his brother like he did, but he couldn't stop it.
The tension returned quickly at Sam's next statement, and Dean grew angry. "How many times do I have to say it? There's nothing wrong with me." Dean had felt like this before, it had just been a few years since he has.
Almost biting his tongue to stop himself from reacting, Sam shook his head. "You're wrong." Dean was acting anything but normal. He would've had to have been blind to not notice it. "You're not like this," he added, frowning over at his brother.
Shards of a heart, or so he'd been told. Dean had been affected by an emotion. A strong emotion. And that was the reason behind the way he was acting. It was making him want things that he wouldn't usually. That had to be the case.
Dean pushed back from the table and stood up so quickly his chair fell back. He placed his hands on the table and leaned forward. "Not like what?" He wanted to know what Sam was thinking, what Sam thought of him now.
He couldn't help it. He wanted to try and keep his temper. He knew he was meant to try and be the calm one of the two. But Dean was making that near impossible. "You're not like this! You don't want any of that from me. You're Dean. You're the guy who hits on girls and goes off to get laid, while I'm stuck researching some job. You're not acting like you normally do."
Dean pushed back from the table and started pacing through out the room. He wanted to just go over to his brother and show him just how wrong he was, but he couldn't. It he did, Sam would run, and that was the last thing he wanted.
He stopped pacing at the far end of the room from Sammy, his back towards his brother. His voice was quiet when he spoke. "It wasn't always girls." He never wanted his brother to find out, but there was no way Sam was going to understand that he was acting normal.
He half expected his brother to do something. To come over to him again. And some part of his mind was...upset...that he hadn't. Instead, Sam could only watch as Dean began pacing, trying to think of something.
"....." Okay, so that he hadn't been expecting. But did that honestly make that much of a difference to him? After seeing Dean and that...demon, he should've been able to work that one out by now. "What difference does that make?"
Dean sighed rather loudly, showing his frustration. For being a genius, the guy could really be dense. He spun around and stared at his brother. "You just don't get it do you?" Dean walked slowly over to his brother and stood next to him, a hand reaching out and landing on the back of Sammy's neck, thumb slowly caressing the skin there. Kneeling down, Dean let his forehead press against his brother's shoulder. "It's not a curse that's making me feel this way."
He couldn't help it. Sam found himself frozen in place, He knew for a fact that there was something wrong with his brother, but the man just...didn't get it. And being that close to Dean... "...it is." He sighed, a hand moving to Dean's shoulder to push him back. "You don't feel like this. Not about me."
Shaking his head, Dean grabbed Sam's hand and held it, not letting himself be shoved away this time. He remained kneeling, the hand on Sam's neck moving up into his hair. He gripped the stands briefly, wanting to lower Sam's head so their mouths would meet but he wouldn't, not yet.
"You're wrong." His voice was barely detectable, only heard by someone listening for it. "I tried to stop, tried to ignore it...but I can't." Dean looked towards the floor, not wanting to see the disgust in his brother's eyes and face at the thought of it.
Why was this getting so hard to explain? Everything Dean was feeling, it wasn't him. It was this curse. Or shard. Or whatever it was meant to be. That was what was making Dean act the way he was. ...it had to be.
"Dean...you're just confused." But despite that, his free hand moved to Dean's chin, trying to lift his face so he could actually see the other. A weak smile made its way onto his own as he looked back at his brother. "It'll...be better soon."
Swearing softly under his breath, Dean looked up at his brother. Hurt, anger and a mixture of other emotions evident in his gaze. "Damn it, Sammy, you're not listening to me!" He stood up, bringing his brother with him. He moved them both backwards and pressed Sammy against the wall for the third time in just over a week. He place his hands against the wall on either side of Sam's head, bracing himself in case Sammy tried to make a break for it just like he has on the other occasions.
"It's not the curse making me feel this way," He repeated himself, his voice more stern than before, "It's the curse making me act on it." His head was turned away.
They were moving? His back collided with the wall, bringing back memories of previous events. They'd been in this position before, only Dean had been... Looking to the floor, Sam took a deep breath, trying to stop himself from attacking his brother.
He wanted to leave. He wanted to just...get out of there. But at the same time... "...what do you mean?" ...he wanted to understand. At least, he thought he did.
For once, Dean wasn't completely rushing into things. He wanted to take this slowly, wanting his brother to stay. He lifted one hand from the wall and brought it to Sam's cheek, touching it in a way he has on so many different occasions, only this time his brother wasn't bleeding or battered. His thumb caressed the cheekbone, and his fingers curled slightly into Sam's hair.
"C'mon little brother, you're smarter than that." Sam had to have figured it out by now, he was smart, on his way to becoming a big hot shot lawyer. Dean leaned in and pressed his forehead against Sam's, his eyes closing shut.
He managed to catch himself, only seconds after having nuzzled his cheek against Dean's hand. He wasn't meant to like this, being so close to his brother. No, it wasn't that. He wasn't meant to like being so close to Dean.
...but he couldn't help it.
"I don't..." He cut himself off as Dean leaned against him, the pieces slowly starting to fall in place. Sighing to himself, his hand moved upward, allowing fingers to run gently through Dean's hair. "...why?"
Dean almost purred under Sammy's touch, his head moving back into the caress. He lowered his other hand from the wall onto Sam's shoulder, gripping it loosely, and at the same time moving in closer, eliminating almost all space between them.
"I don't know..." Dean sounded somewhat lost now. He knew he had these feelings for his brother, but he had no idea why. Ever since they were kids Dean had been close to Sam, very over-protective, not letting anyone or anything that might harm Sammy near his little brother. To this day, he still felt that same way, but as he got older the feelings changed. They were still the same, only more. He had tried to ignore them for so long, and then Sammy had left, which nearly broke Dean. He needed his brother, needed his family, to live.
Unable to help himself, Sam moved away from the wall, his head resting against Dean's shoulder. Some part of his mind was still reminding him that his brother was still under some kind of curse. It was the only reason that any of this had happened.
That same part was quickly shut up as his free arm came to wrap around Dean's waist. "...why didn't..." A shake of his head. "...you should've...said something..."
Dean also knew that he was under some sort of curse or influence, there was no other reason for why he was acting like this or actually telling his brother all of this. He almost didn't want to break the curse, if it meant having this.
He ran his fingers through his brother hair before lifting Sammy's chin to look into his eyes. "I didn't...want to leave me again." His leaned forward, nuzzling Sammy before pressing his lips against Sam's in a softer version of their previous kiss.
"Dean, I..." Why was it so hard for him to just explain himself? The fact the Dean was so close to him didn't help make things any easier, but he should've at least been able to say something to stop this. At least until Dean was back to normal again. "...I wouldn't have left..." Despite that, Sam found himself unresponsive as Dean placed a gentle kiss on his lips, though his arm tightened around his brother’s waist.
Dean relaxed at his brother's statement, knowing that Sam meant it. Though he didn't fully relax as he noticed Sam's unresponsiveness. He pulled back a bit, his forehead creasing in worry. Dean reached up with one hand trailing his thumb over Sammy's bottom lip. "What's wrong?"
A shake of his head and Sam glanced away again. "Dean." He wasn't entirely sure if he wanted to hear the answer to the question, but it was something he needed to know. "When did this all start?" He had to know if this was really...just because of the curse.
He just stared at Sammy for a moment before responding. He brought his hand back up to run through Sam's hair, curling his fingers around the back of his brother's skull. His other hand he brought to Sam's chin, turning his head so that Sam would look him in the eye.
"You were sixteen the first time I wanted to kiss you. But it was wrong," He brought Sammy's head forward, pressing a kiss to the corner of Sam's mouth, "And it's still wrong, but I can't stop."
And cue the shock. Eyes wide, Sam could only stand there for a few moments, trying to make sense of Deans confession. "Sixteen?" Nearly eight years ago. And back before...he'd gone to Stanford. At least that explained why he'd never said anything back then.
Pulling his head back, Sam ducked his gaze once more, forehead resting against Deans shoulder. His hands dropped tightening their grip in the sides of Dean's shirt. "...you should've said something..."
He pulled Sammy in closer to him, wanting to feel his brother's body against his own. The more Sam let him close, the harder it was to stop himself from repeating his past actions.
"I couldn't. This is- We're brothers." Dean closed his eyes tight and buried his face in Sam's neck. He leaned them both back against the wall, one hand pressed against the cool surface for balance.
"Then why now?" His thoughts just seemed to be going in circles. Dean was saying he felt something for him, but at the same time, he thought it was wrong. "...what do you want from me, Dean? I can't..." Turning to look at Dean, he frowned. "I don't understand."
"I can't stop myself..." Dean whispered into Sammy's neck before placing a dry kiss to the junction between his neck and shoulder. He ran his free hand down Sam's side to his hip, where he gripped hard enough to almost leave bruises, if it was anyone other than his brother.
He lifted his head and looked Sammy in the eye. "I want you."
He knew he was going to regret it. Or at least, he hoped he would...in a way. But he needed a way to make sure that Dean was himself. And it seemed like the only way to do it. "...then come with me to get the shard taken out." His hand rose to Dean's face, lightly tracing a path down his cheek. "And then...you can."
For a moment after Sam spoke, Dean did nothing. He simply stood there and stared at his brother, then his face split into a grin, his eyes lighting. Nodding, he spoke, "Okay. Let's go then." Before Sam had the chance to pull away, Dean moved in and kissed him again, hoping this time his brother would respond.
Dean's agreement made things both easier and complicated at the same time. He would come along and have himself fixed, meaning things would go back to normal. But what if he still remembered everything that'd happened? ...what if he didn't? He wasn't sure which he'd prefer. "Good. Go get..." But he was cut off as Dean moved back in to kiss him once again. This time however, Sam couldn't help but react, his hand slowly sliding around the back of Dean's neck.
Having Sam kiss him back was better than anything Dean had ever imagined. Sam tasted like coffee and...books was the only thing Dean could think of to describe the unique taste that was his brother. Dean moaned softly from the back of his throat as he pressed Sam more firmly against the wall.
Dean could feel his resolve weakening the longer the kiss went on and after a moment he reluctantly pulled back. It wouldn't do for him to become aggressive now, he didn't want to screw this up, even though deep, deep down Dean knew that this was wrong, they were brothers, and brothers weren't supposed to do things like this.
"I'll get my coat." With that, Dean stepped back away from Sam and turned, leaving the dinning room to go get ready to leave.
He watched, waiting for Dean to leave. It was only then that he finally reacted, his head hitting the wall as a quiet, "...shit" escaped him. Things just weren't going how they should have. He was meant to have controlled it better. He was meant to have gotten Dean fixed, so things could go back to normal. He wasn't meant to...respond to the things Dean did.
Shifting away from the wall, Sam headed back to the table, his coffee disappearing in minutes as he waited for Dean to come back. Once the shard was out, they could just try to forget about things. It'd been the plan before, after all.