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tampered2007-02-24 01:39 pm
6thsword.livejournal.com) wrote in tampered2007-02-24 01:39 pm
Log: Complete
When; February 23, evening
Rating; PG for language, sorry Alfons...
Characters; Grimmjow [![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
6thsword] & Hinamori [hajikemomo]
Summary; A private conversation over the network results in a single and unexpected command: "Don't move." Grimmjow finds that all he can do is wait for the knock on his door.
Log;
Grimmjow lounged on his sofa, his laptop blank and dead on the coffee table in front of him. Just seconds ago, it had been alive, and he had been busy on the network exchanging serious words with Hinamori when he had received a command. From her.
Don't move.
So he was waiting, not sure exactly what was going to happen, but quite nervous about it. He only hoped it would be good.
Shunpyo. Before she knew it the small vice captain had made it across the City, cutting through the square as fast as she could, to land softly outside the twelve building. And then it was just a matter of letting her feet carry her to the right door. So much kept coming back to this, and no matter that she'd once again been reminded that she meant nothing to her ex-captain, no matter that she'd spent the day trying to keep Nell occupied.
Right now she just wanted her head to make sense.
It took her a few seconds, a few aborted attempts to knock on the door but eventually she managed, trying hard not to frown too deeply despite the building pressure in her head.
The light knock on the door drew his attention, so he rose to answer it. Hinamori stood there, lips pursed in a slight frown, and Grimmjow had to resist the urge to kiss her. Even if he meant to comfort her, she would take it the wrong way and he'd be back at square one. And he didn't want that. So he opened the door wider and stepped aside to let her pass.
"Come on in. I'll make you something to eat." He turned towards the kitchen.
She wasn't that hungry but she wasn't about to insult what meager skills he had and the small shinigami settled for shutting the door quietly behind her before following him, taking small, slow steps. Taking her time.
Opting to hang back a few paces, Hinamori managed to find her voice. "Did you want some help?"
He rummaged in the refrigerator for a moment before pulling out an armful of items wrapped in plastic. "Hey, I ain't so bad that I can't make a sandwich."
Kicking the fridge door shut, he turned to the counter and spread his ingredients onto the counter: bread, cheese, grilled chicken breast (already cooked when it was bought), lettuce, tomatoes, so on. He'd gotten the idea from Alfons and figured that if he can't make a sandwich, then he really did fail at cooking. "Just take a seat at the table or something."
The situation was normal enough to be funny, and she smiled gently, watching the arrancar. "I'd like to see how you manage." Not that she thought he'd mess up a sandwhich - in fact, Nell was quite possibly the only person capable of that, though she was quite handy at flipping pancakes - but rather that she simply... Wanted to watch.
But only if he was alright with that. "You don't mind, do you?"
He looked over at her, pausing in the middle of popping the chicken into the microwave. She wanted to watch him? Why? He was only making a sandwich. "Sure, why not."
Idly musing on the lack of ticking, Grimmjow turned back to the counter and began laying down the foodstuffs in the usual process. He'd made sandwiches before, and he'd watched Alfons make them too, so it wasn't like he was completely clueless. It took less than a minute, really, and once the chicken was done reheating, he added those too. Task complete, he turned and offered it to Hinamori on a plate. "You want somethin' to drink with that, or will you be fine?"
"Water, please." She took the plate carefully, almost as if the whole scene would shatter in a heartbeat if she did or said something wrong. It was hard enough trying to keep herself calm normally, but the things she'd heard today, the things he'd said, all of it was compounding into something she couldn't name. "...Thank you, you know. For... Everything."
He was silent as he poured her a glass, only choosing to speak when he was facing her again, the water held out for her to take. "It's nothing."
Though perhaps he shouldn't say that. Everything he did for her was more than nothing, though he didn't expect much considering their unstable relationship. He just hoped that whatever he did was enough to keep her from hating him. It was already dangerous that he was a traitor to the arrancar—the only traitor now that Noitora had returned to his original memories.
She smiled meekly in response, freeing the glass before moving to claim herself a spot on the sofa. To hell with acting properly, to hell with acting. Crossing her legs under her and carefully balancing the plate, she glanced over in his direction, the look more or less saying it all. Without waiting for him to catch on and join her though, the small shinigami turned her attention back to the sandwich, taking a small bite to test it out.
That look was all the permission Grimmjow needed. He eased down beside her on the couch, one arm hanging on the back of the sofa, taking great interest in watching her eat. It was nice being so close to her again, and awake too. He didn't mind sleeping with her, but since that was most unconscious... "How is it? The sandwich."
Hinamori glanced at him, making a face at the way he was watching her like she would had it been Nell. "It would go down better if you weren't watching so intently," she murmured between bites, adding "but considering it's a sandwich, it's good," for his benefit.
He made an amused noise and turned away slightly, drawing his arm back from behind her shoulders, letting his gaze wander to the City skyline just beyond his window. "I told you I can make shit," he replied, totally disregarding Alfons' lessons from the week before about his language. It was a lot more comfortable talking with Hinamori this way.
"Mm." It was hard forcing herself to relax but she tried anyway, not wanting to let on how tense she was. Tobiume was by her side but the small sprite wasn't doing much to calm the shinigami, though the relative silence was gradually becoming comfortable. About halfway done she glanced at him again, that small smile back. She wanted to say thank you again, to explain why she was glad he was putting up with her, letting her come over and sit there, to let him know that she liked the fact that the hollow was quieter like this.
But it wouldn't come out and she settled on returning her attention to the food again.
Grimmjow sat back, hands moving to fold behind his head, feet propped up on the coffee table. He let his gaze flicker over to Hinamori for a moment, then returned to the window. He was used to their silences now, those moments when all they needed was each other's presence and very few words.
Finally, though, his curiosity got the better of him. Turning his head slightly so he could see her, the arrancar asked, "What were you going to say?"
Mostly full, she moved the nearly empty plate onto the low table, retrieving the glass instead and keeping her gaze forward, if not a little down. "When?" Her grip was slightly tight, betraying her nerves.
The tension skyrocketed, and Grimmjow's brow furrowed slightly. "On the network. Before you asked where I was, it looked like you were going to say something." He sat up a little straighter. "You gonna finish that thought or leave me hanging?"
Oh. That. Her scatterbrained tendancies really were getting worse. Did she want to finish what she'd been about to say? The curse had gotten on her nerves, in more way than one, and she...
"It wasn't important." Of course he wouldn't be satisfied with that sort of answer. She wasn't satisfied with that sort of answer. "I don't even really remember."
He looked at her for a long time, face mostly blank if it weren't for the small knot of his eyebrows. Then, sighing, he collapsed back onto the couch away from Hinamori. He was suddenly very, very tired. "If you say so."
She glanced at him over the rim of the glass, sipping at its contents in a manner that suggested she was doing it simply to have something to do. But that lasted only briefly before it found its way back to the table, the vice captain once again finding solace in the floor. The last time she'd sat here-
"What's wrong?" She wasn't that olivious, at least.
"I'm tired," was the excuse, and though he didn't raise himself from half-lying on the couch, he did look over at her. A part of him suddenly wished she would go home so he could sleep and not have to worry about... things. Anything.
And then the other part of him wanted the total opposite. He remained there on the couch for a moment, torn between sides, unsure if he should settle on asking her to go home or to stay. Then, slowly, he pushed himself up, turned, and pulled Hinamori into an embrace. He said nothing, simply rested his head on her shoulder and sighed.
She'd been about to say she could go. She'd been about to say he should have mentioned it earlier. But instead she blushed. Instead, she returned the hug, wondering if there was anything else she could say, anything she could do. There was only one question that came to mind, however, and she hated asking it. Hated knowing that he'd normally say yes.
Hinamori asked anyway. "Lonely?"
Of course he was. It had occurred to him long ago that even as a minion of Aizen, even before his betrayal he was very alone. It hadn't bothered him then, but it was hitting him now. The City only helped to remind him about it. "Lonely, tired, irritated, and there's too much goddamn ticking."
"Even now?" The small vice captain tried her hardest, tried to be as comforting as she could. Because they were friends, at least to her, and friends were the most important people in the world. Her friends always came first, no matter what. It was odd to be in this position, hugging the ex-Espada like it was normal, but she didn't mind so much. Even if she had spent the day somewhat worried, wondering if her other friends would react negatively, it didn't stop her wanting to make sure that he was okay. Maybe she was good at taking care of other people, like Rangiku had said.
"Even when I'm here?" What a dangerous question, but it was too late to take it back.
There was silence for a moment, an odd sort of silence because there was really no need to contemplate the answer. Grimmjow let it happen anyway, let the question hang in the air for another eternity before he pulled away enough to look at her face.
"No." He leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead, then murmured into her hair, "I forget everything when you're here. It... makes me feel better." He drew back again, pulling his arms away from her. "It should be illegal to be that addicting."
She almost followed, staring at him in the way that she'd so often stared at her now ex-captain, but caught herself, redirecting her gaze back to the floor, herself back into the position she'd been in before. He was making it hard again. Hinamori simply didn't know what she wanted, but when things were like this...
There was nothing she could really say, unable to think clearly between the two other voices in her mind and she settled on distracting herself by reclaiming the glass to take a drink, the blush still present.
She hadn't followed. Well, he supposed that was to be expected, but it still bothered a little that he'd lost her and reclaiming her was that much harder than the first time around. Suppressing another sigh, he crossed his arms over his chest and watched her fight to keep the blush under control.
And then he said what always lurked in the back of his mind. "I wonder why I even bother."
The glass almost slipped.
Setting it down carefully in case her fingers lost all sense of ability Hinamori glanced at the arrancar beside her, slight shock present in the otherwise confused expression gracing her features. What was she supposed to say to that? She had no idea what went through his mind, hadn't since the first day. Had almost thought she knew, before things had... Before he'd starting saying how much he liked being around her. The silence was no longer comforting, but she couldn't move from her position. Couldn't tell him. He'd said she mattered, was worth something. That alone had been one of the deciding factors before. She'd heard so few honest truths about her worth that it had made all the difference to know someone really thought that way, meant it and wasn't just trying to manipulate her.
Hating herself, then, the only thing she managed to mumble after the long silence was "Sorry."
He nearly rolled his eyes at her. "If I can't say sorry to you, don't say sorry to me," he replied, quite ready to berate himself for saying such a thing in front of her, knowing her reaction would probably be less than pleasant. But he'd always been the kind of guy to say exactly what was on his mind regardless of consequences. Why should this be any different?
"I'm not saying you're not worth my time," he began slowly. "I'm just saying... this has been going on for a while now and it's frustrating and you know I'm not the most patient person in the world. It's kinda funny what I learned from all this, 'cause even Alfons is tryin' to curb my swearing and make me sit straighter and shit just so I can win you over. And he's a good kid, so I humor him. But I'm thinking, if it doesn't work, am I really that much of a stubborn idiot?" He shrugged, rather amused at himself and the sudden monologue. "I don't think you can answer that either."
She sat quietly, fingers nervously laced and gripped tightly, just listening to him. She smiled slightly at the notion of Alfons attempting to teach Grimmjow anything akin to manners, but otherwise her expression remained borderline confused and pained. She couldn't answer. Didn't want to, not when in some ways it was working, even if it still left her wondering what would happen when she was out of this place, back in normal circumstances.
But it was time for another dangerous question, and the vice captain sat back, determined to not waver. To watch his reaction. To understand. "Why is friends not enough?"
There were so many answers to that question, and they were all the wrong words to say. "Because you're mine, because I hate the notion of friends, because I love you more than that"—but he kept his mouth shut for another long moment as he pieced together what he would say.
Finally, he looked over at her and offered a rare smile. Rueful, sad, but still a smile. "Because it hurts knowing I can't receive the same amount of affection that I try to give."
Then, without saying anything more, he stood and collected her empty plate, turning to the kitchen to put it into the sink.
Something shattered with the sight of the smile, at the words following it. At the lack of words.
Hinamori stayed where she was, hands in lap and gaze focused down, incapable of responding. How anyone - least of all someone without a heart - could feel that much for another person to the point where the highest position in her mind was not enough was something she could not understand. She didn't know what was good enough, what would wind up being taken the wrong way, what was right, what would stop the dull ache that was creeping through her chest. The smallest of sighs escaped her as she closed her eyes, turning everything over in her mind as she tried to ignore the hollow rambling on. Glad that he wasn't in the same room, glad that she wouldn't see his initial reaction, his secondary, any of them, she asked what could be the most dangerous question so far. The cost was high for something like that.
"You want to try from the start again?"
He almost wanted to laugh. Yes, of course he did. It was about time she realized it, too. After so much effort and so many words, after trying his hardest to win her back despite the setbacks, the curses, her other friendships... Maybe today he was going to gain one step in the right direction again. It was about time, he decided. He'd been standing still too long.
He returned to the living room, hands in pockets, and stood at the end of the couch. He wasn't quite sure of the expression on his face but he knew he was smiling still. "That's what I've been trying to do since day one."
From the start... Meant something very different to him, she guessed. Keeping her eyes closed then, she nodded slightly. "Alright." Her mind was made up on this, and while she knew problems would arise from it-
She stood, fingering the guard of her zanpakuto carefully as she made her way to his side, up on tip-toes to kiss him softly. Heartbreakingly. "I... have to go check on Nell."
He nodded, quite satisfied with her visit, but also curious to see how things would unfold from then on. "Go. I heard she had a rough day." He took Hinamori's hand and led her to the door, then opened it for her. "It's good seein' you again."
Ah- She smiled gently, squeezing his hand reassuringly before freeing herself. "Until later then." Odd how she didn't let herself betray with those words, knowing that later wouldn't be what he had in mind. "...Don't let the ticking get to you. And you should talk to Ukitake-taichou." Another soft smile and the small shinigami turned away, left him to be by himself.
"Yeah, sure." The idea of being under the shinigami's protection still bothered him somewhat, but Grimmjow would give it a shot. There'd be no harm in it, he supposed. "Later, then."
Rating; PG for language, sorry Alfons...
Characters; Grimmjow [
6thsword] & Hinamori [hajikemomo]Summary; A private conversation over the network results in a single and unexpected command: "Don't move." Grimmjow finds that all he can do is wait for the knock on his door.
Log;
Grimmjow lounged on his sofa, his laptop blank and dead on the coffee table in front of him. Just seconds ago, it had been alive, and he had been busy on the network exchanging serious words with Hinamori when he had received a command. From her.
Don't move.
So he was waiting, not sure exactly what was going to happen, but quite nervous about it. He only hoped it would be good.
Shunpyo. Before she knew it the small vice captain had made it across the City, cutting through the square as fast as she could, to land softly outside the twelve building. And then it was just a matter of letting her feet carry her to the right door. So much kept coming back to this, and no matter that she'd once again been reminded that she meant nothing to her ex-captain, no matter that she'd spent the day trying to keep Nell occupied.
Right now she just wanted her head to make sense.
It took her a few seconds, a few aborted attempts to knock on the door but eventually she managed, trying hard not to frown too deeply despite the building pressure in her head.
The light knock on the door drew his attention, so he rose to answer it. Hinamori stood there, lips pursed in a slight frown, and Grimmjow had to resist the urge to kiss her. Even if he meant to comfort her, she would take it the wrong way and he'd be back at square one. And he didn't want that. So he opened the door wider and stepped aside to let her pass.
"Come on in. I'll make you something to eat." He turned towards the kitchen.
She wasn't that hungry but she wasn't about to insult what meager skills he had and the small shinigami settled for shutting the door quietly behind her before following him, taking small, slow steps. Taking her time.
Opting to hang back a few paces, Hinamori managed to find her voice. "Did you want some help?"
He rummaged in the refrigerator for a moment before pulling out an armful of items wrapped in plastic. "Hey, I ain't so bad that I can't make a sandwich."
Kicking the fridge door shut, he turned to the counter and spread his ingredients onto the counter: bread, cheese, grilled chicken breast (already cooked when it was bought), lettuce, tomatoes, so on. He'd gotten the idea from Alfons and figured that if he can't make a sandwich, then he really did fail at cooking. "Just take a seat at the table or something."
The situation was normal enough to be funny, and she smiled gently, watching the arrancar. "I'd like to see how you manage." Not that she thought he'd mess up a sandwhich - in fact, Nell was quite possibly the only person capable of that, though she was quite handy at flipping pancakes - but rather that she simply... Wanted to watch.
But only if he was alright with that. "You don't mind, do you?"
He looked over at her, pausing in the middle of popping the chicken into the microwave. She wanted to watch him? Why? He was only making a sandwich. "Sure, why not."
Idly musing on the lack of ticking, Grimmjow turned back to the counter and began laying down the foodstuffs in the usual process. He'd made sandwiches before, and he'd watched Alfons make them too, so it wasn't like he was completely clueless. It took less than a minute, really, and once the chicken was done reheating, he added those too. Task complete, he turned and offered it to Hinamori on a plate. "You want somethin' to drink with that, or will you be fine?"
"Water, please." She took the plate carefully, almost as if the whole scene would shatter in a heartbeat if she did or said something wrong. It was hard enough trying to keep herself calm normally, but the things she'd heard today, the things he'd said, all of it was compounding into something she couldn't name. "...Thank you, you know. For... Everything."
He was silent as he poured her a glass, only choosing to speak when he was facing her again, the water held out for her to take. "It's nothing."
Though perhaps he shouldn't say that. Everything he did for her was more than nothing, though he didn't expect much considering their unstable relationship. He just hoped that whatever he did was enough to keep her from hating him. It was already dangerous that he was a traitor to the arrancar—the only traitor now that Noitora had returned to his original memories.
She smiled meekly in response, freeing the glass before moving to claim herself a spot on the sofa. To hell with acting properly, to hell with acting. Crossing her legs under her and carefully balancing the plate, she glanced over in his direction, the look more or less saying it all. Without waiting for him to catch on and join her though, the small shinigami turned her attention back to the sandwich, taking a small bite to test it out.
That look was all the permission Grimmjow needed. He eased down beside her on the couch, one arm hanging on the back of the sofa, taking great interest in watching her eat. It was nice being so close to her again, and awake too. He didn't mind sleeping with her, but since that was most unconscious... "How is it? The sandwich."
Hinamori glanced at him, making a face at the way he was watching her like she would had it been Nell. "It would go down better if you weren't watching so intently," she murmured between bites, adding "but considering it's a sandwich, it's good," for his benefit.
He made an amused noise and turned away slightly, drawing his arm back from behind her shoulders, letting his gaze wander to the City skyline just beyond his window. "I told you I can make shit," he replied, totally disregarding Alfons' lessons from the week before about his language. It was a lot more comfortable talking with Hinamori this way.
"Mm." It was hard forcing herself to relax but she tried anyway, not wanting to let on how tense she was. Tobiume was by her side but the small sprite wasn't doing much to calm the shinigami, though the relative silence was gradually becoming comfortable. About halfway done she glanced at him again, that small smile back. She wanted to say thank you again, to explain why she was glad he was putting up with her, letting her come over and sit there, to let him know that she liked the fact that the hollow was quieter like this.
But it wouldn't come out and she settled on returning her attention to the food again.
Grimmjow sat back, hands moving to fold behind his head, feet propped up on the coffee table. He let his gaze flicker over to Hinamori for a moment, then returned to the window. He was used to their silences now, those moments when all they needed was each other's presence and very few words.
Finally, though, his curiosity got the better of him. Turning his head slightly so he could see her, the arrancar asked, "What were you going to say?"
Mostly full, she moved the nearly empty plate onto the low table, retrieving the glass instead and keeping her gaze forward, if not a little down. "When?" Her grip was slightly tight, betraying her nerves.
The tension skyrocketed, and Grimmjow's brow furrowed slightly. "On the network. Before you asked where I was, it looked like you were going to say something." He sat up a little straighter. "You gonna finish that thought or leave me hanging?"
Oh. That. Her scatterbrained tendancies really were getting worse. Did she want to finish what she'd been about to say? The curse had gotten on her nerves, in more way than one, and she...
"It wasn't important." Of course he wouldn't be satisfied with that sort of answer. She wasn't satisfied with that sort of answer. "I don't even really remember."
He looked at her for a long time, face mostly blank if it weren't for the small knot of his eyebrows. Then, sighing, he collapsed back onto the couch away from Hinamori. He was suddenly very, very tired. "If you say so."
She glanced at him over the rim of the glass, sipping at its contents in a manner that suggested she was doing it simply to have something to do. But that lasted only briefly before it found its way back to the table, the vice captain once again finding solace in the floor. The last time she'd sat here-
"What's wrong?" She wasn't that olivious, at least.
"I'm tired," was the excuse, and though he didn't raise himself from half-lying on the couch, he did look over at her. A part of him suddenly wished she would go home so he could sleep and not have to worry about... things. Anything.
And then the other part of him wanted the total opposite. He remained there on the couch for a moment, torn between sides, unsure if he should settle on asking her to go home or to stay. Then, slowly, he pushed himself up, turned, and pulled Hinamori into an embrace. He said nothing, simply rested his head on her shoulder and sighed.
She'd been about to say she could go. She'd been about to say he should have mentioned it earlier. But instead she blushed. Instead, she returned the hug, wondering if there was anything else she could say, anything she could do. There was only one question that came to mind, however, and she hated asking it. Hated knowing that he'd normally say yes.
Hinamori asked anyway. "Lonely?"
Of course he was. It had occurred to him long ago that even as a minion of Aizen, even before his betrayal he was very alone. It hadn't bothered him then, but it was hitting him now. The City only helped to remind him about it. "Lonely, tired, irritated, and there's too much goddamn ticking."
"Even now?" The small vice captain tried her hardest, tried to be as comforting as she could. Because they were friends, at least to her, and friends were the most important people in the world. Her friends always came first, no matter what. It was odd to be in this position, hugging the ex-Espada like it was normal, but she didn't mind so much. Even if she had spent the day somewhat worried, wondering if her other friends would react negatively, it didn't stop her wanting to make sure that he was okay. Maybe she was good at taking care of other people, like Rangiku had said.
"Even when I'm here?" What a dangerous question, but it was too late to take it back.
There was silence for a moment, an odd sort of silence because there was really no need to contemplate the answer. Grimmjow let it happen anyway, let the question hang in the air for another eternity before he pulled away enough to look at her face.
"No." He leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead, then murmured into her hair, "I forget everything when you're here. It... makes me feel better." He drew back again, pulling his arms away from her. "It should be illegal to be that addicting."
She almost followed, staring at him in the way that she'd so often stared at her now ex-captain, but caught herself, redirecting her gaze back to the floor, herself back into the position she'd been in before. He was making it hard again. Hinamori simply didn't know what she wanted, but when things were like this...
There was nothing she could really say, unable to think clearly between the two other voices in her mind and she settled on distracting herself by reclaiming the glass to take a drink, the blush still present.
She hadn't followed. Well, he supposed that was to be expected, but it still bothered a little that he'd lost her and reclaiming her was that much harder than the first time around. Suppressing another sigh, he crossed his arms over his chest and watched her fight to keep the blush under control.
And then he said what always lurked in the back of his mind. "I wonder why I even bother."
The glass almost slipped.
Setting it down carefully in case her fingers lost all sense of ability Hinamori glanced at the arrancar beside her, slight shock present in the otherwise confused expression gracing her features. What was she supposed to say to that? She had no idea what went through his mind, hadn't since the first day. Had almost thought she knew, before things had... Before he'd starting saying how much he liked being around her. The silence was no longer comforting, but she couldn't move from her position. Couldn't tell him. He'd said she mattered, was worth something. That alone had been one of the deciding factors before. She'd heard so few honest truths about her worth that it had made all the difference to know someone really thought that way, meant it and wasn't just trying to manipulate her.
Hating herself, then, the only thing she managed to mumble after the long silence was "Sorry."
He nearly rolled his eyes at her. "If I can't say sorry to you, don't say sorry to me," he replied, quite ready to berate himself for saying such a thing in front of her, knowing her reaction would probably be less than pleasant. But he'd always been the kind of guy to say exactly what was on his mind regardless of consequences. Why should this be any different?
"I'm not saying you're not worth my time," he began slowly. "I'm just saying... this has been going on for a while now and it's frustrating and you know I'm not the most patient person in the world. It's kinda funny what I learned from all this, 'cause even Alfons is tryin' to curb my swearing and make me sit straighter and shit just so I can win you over. And he's a good kid, so I humor him. But I'm thinking, if it doesn't work, am I really that much of a stubborn idiot?" He shrugged, rather amused at himself and the sudden monologue. "I don't think you can answer that either."
She sat quietly, fingers nervously laced and gripped tightly, just listening to him. She smiled slightly at the notion of Alfons attempting to teach Grimmjow anything akin to manners, but otherwise her expression remained borderline confused and pained. She couldn't answer. Didn't want to, not when in some ways it was working, even if it still left her wondering what would happen when she was out of this place, back in normal circumstances.
But it was time for another dangerous question, and the vice captain sat back, determined to not waver. To watch his reaction. To understand. "Why is friends not enough?"
There were so many answers to that question, and they were all the wrong words to say. "Because you're mine, because I hate the notion of friends, because I love you more than that"—but he kept his mouth shut for another long moment as he pieced together what he would say.
Finally, he looked over at her and offered a rare smile. Rueful, sad, but still a smile. "Because it hurts knowing I can't receive the same amount of affection that I try to give."
Then, without saying anything more, he stood and collected her empty plate, turning to the kitchen to put it into the sink.
Something shattered with the sight of the smile, at the words following it. At the lack of words.
Hinamori stayed where she was, hands in lap and gaze focused down, incapable of responding. How anyone - least of all someone without a heart - could feel that much for another person to the point where the highest position in her mind was not enough was something she could not understand. She didn't know what was good enough, what would wind up being taken the wrong way, what was right, what would stop the dull ache that was creeping through her chest. The smallest of sighs escaped her as she closed her eyes, turning everything over in her mind as she tried to ignore the hollow rambling on. Glad that he wasn't in the same room, glad that she wouldn't see his initial reaction, his secondary, any of them, she asked what could be the most dangerous question so far. The cost was high for something like that.
"You want to try from the start again?"
He almost wanted to laugh. Yes, of course he did. It was about time she realized it, too. After so much effort and so many words, after trying his hardest to win her back despite the setbacks, the curses, her other friendships... Maybe today he was going to gain one step in the right direction again. It was about time, he decided. He'd been standing still too long.
He returned to the living room, hands in pockets, and stood at the end of the couch. He wasn't quite sure of the expression on his face but he knew he was smiling still. "That's what I've been trying to do since day one."
From the start... Meant something very different to him, she guessed. Keeping her eyes closed then, she nodded slightly. "Alright." Her mind was made up on this, and while she knew problems would arise from it-
She stood, fingering the guard of her zanpakuto carefully as she made her way to his side, up on tip-toes to kiss him softly. Heartbreakingly. "I... have to go check on Nell."
He nodded, quite satisfied with her visit, but also curious to see how things would unfold from then on. "Go. I heard she had a rough day." He took Hinamori's hand and led her to the door, then opened it for her. "It's good seein' you again."
Ah- She smiled gently, squeezing his hand reassuringly before freeing herself. "Until later then." Odd how she didn't let herself betray with those words, knowing that later wouldn't be what he had in mind. "...Don't let the ticking get to you. And you should talk to Ukitake-taichou." Another soft smile and the small shinigami turned away, left him to be by himself.
"Yeah, sure." The idea of being under the shinigami's protection still bothered him somewhat, but Grimmjow would give it a shot. There'd be no harm in it, he supposed. "Later, then."
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...Also ignore the fact that Grimmjow has no nice icons.
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But watch her go after Kira ;__;
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I mean...! KIRA COULD DEFEAT THEM BOTH! ...or something.
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But doesn't Kira swing sideways? >.>
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Hinamori should feel flattered, she has two (three?) guys after her.
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And it's unfair competition!
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