Log; Complete

[medic-assistant.livejournal.com]

When; February 27th, evening [backdated]
Rating; PG
Characters; Shizune {medic_assistant} & Kabuto {red_eye_medic}
Summary; With Shizune having finally been forced to admit her miscarriage, Kabuto comes over in medical interest in case she tries to harm herself.
Log;

Shizune had left the door unlocked, but that had been the only motion she'd made since... she'd had to admit it. And she knew it was stupid, knew it was just some psychological mess she'd forced herself into, but... as long as no one had made her say it, as long as she didn't have to admit it to herself... she could pretend it had never happened. ... Not for long, she knew, but... her sobs were soft now, started since he'd known, since he said he was coming, hands tight against her suddenly flat stomach. The medic had attended herself, tried to heal herself, forcing chakra into the wounds and trying to regenerate cells, but then the bleeding, the false labor- ... then the clean-up, the sloughing of the damaged womb, the disposal... and now he was coming.

The truth had finally come out. The child, the child was gone. Shizune had been denying it to herself and the world for days now. And as much as Kabuto hated to admit it, it worried him. It's true, she was supposed to be his enemy. But when someone carries your child... and your told day after day that you loved them... there's only so long before you can claim yourself completely unaffected. But that wasn't the matter at hand. Kabuto reached the door. Inhaling deeply, he placed his hand against it and pushed gently. "Shizune-san?"

She did not respond, curled in a corner of the living room couch, head in her knees and hands still cradling nothing. Her shoulders shook with cries that had no voice, long having lost that to time. She had not eaten, had not taken care of herself other than to wash the blood from her to continue the illusion that nothing wrong had occured, that it... hadn't happened.

Kabuto peaked his head in, not sure how to respond to the quietness that seemed to echo throughout the room. And then his eyes fell on her, silent save for the sobs, curled up, scared... Kabuto closed his eyes, and walked slowly forward, before stopping inches away from the woman. Crouching down next to her, Kabuto spoke up once again. "Shizune-san... I'm here now."

It took her a moment, to register his precense. She raised her head slowly, black bangs falling into eyes rimmed in the red of grief. Her clutch tightened, legs drawing closer, as if she could become a smaller form by mere will alone. Her mouth opened to speak but no sound emerged, and she closed it, trying again. "Kabuto..." The voice was a mere whisper, the name discernable more by the movement of lips than sound. "I... couldn't stop him..."

Kabuto nodded slowly, taking in those few words, an acknowledgement of what he'd already known. Raising a slight hand, Kabuto hesitatingly laid in on Shizune's shoulder, trying, reaching for anything that could be contrued as comfort. "Shizune-san... you haven't slept have you? Or eaten, if I had to guess?"

And she wanted to shy from that touch. For she knew this was not the Kabuto she knew, the Kabuto she loved, even though they looked the same, were the same... but not. And yet she couldn't stop herself from leaning to the touch, seeking any comfort she could take. "... No." She finally replied, trembling slightly.

Kabuto quickly pulled his hand back to himself as the woman seemed to lean into it. Still crouching, however, Kabuto looked into Shizune's bloodshot eyes... "Shizune-san... you're no good to yourself or anyone else like this. Go, rest. I'll... get something made for you. You need to eat something, after all." Feigning a smile, Kabuto rose and turned, walking into where he guessed the kitchen would be.

Ah... she should have known that would happen. Shizune almost smiled, almost laughed at herself for daring think otherwise. This wasn't him. Just the same face, the same personality as before he'd changed. She watched him go, knowing that smile was fake. She'd learned to tell, from the days he would smile and say he loved her, but didn't mean it. Usually after he'd come back from Orochimaru. And she didn't move, falling back in on herself as she waited for him to return.

"Ne, Shizune. What do you have here? Can't make much of anything if I don't know what I have to work with." Kabuto rummaged through the cabinets, looking for something to begin with... And funnily enough, even knowing he'd never been there before... it all felt a little familiar.

Her eyes softened, gaze falling. This was just like... before. So familiar. He'd done most of the cooking, she really was no good at it. "... There's a pantry behind the turn to the left." She finally said, not caring what he made, and having trouble speaking even that simple sentence.

"Ah..." Searching through the pantry, Kabuto came across several packages of cup ramen... not the most healthy thing in the world, but it was easy to make, and tasted good. It was something like this that Shizune needed. After a short preparation period, Kabuto walked back into the main room, resuming his crouched stance next to Shizune, offering her a bowl of the noodled. "Eat.”

It took another long moment for her to uncurl, to let her legs fall from raised to tucked beneath her, for her hands to leave her now empty abdomen and reach trembling for the cup, fingers curling around the warm bowl, eyes staring down into the wisping steam. "... I'm not hungry." She finally said, shoulders hunched, shrinking down.

"I know you're not. But that doesn't change the fact that you need to eat, Shizune-san." Kabuto slurped up a spoonful of noodles from his own bowl, looking up at Shizune from over his glasses.

Shizune shook her head. "I don't need to." She muttered, knowing in a part of her mind how unreasonable she was being, but another part telling her that it was perfectly reasonable, she wasn't hungry, and after all, she wasn't eating for two anymore.

Kabuto sat his bowl down, and slide his glasses back up his nose with a single finger. "Shizune, if you haven't eaten in as long as I think you have, you're hurting yourself. And as a medic, I can't allow that. Now, there's three options here. You can eat those noodles, I can pour them down your throat, or I can take you back with me and hook you up to a feeding tube."

Her eyes narrowed a bit. ... There he was. Yakushi Kabuto. The one who'd cut her tendons, almost killed Naruto... and he was here making her eat. She would have laughed, if it wouldn't have brought her to tears. Slowly, every motion seemed so slow to her, just as she'd been slow to react, slow to run- she began to eat.

Kabuto smiled again, and resumed eating his noodles as Shizune reluctantly followed suit. "You said you haven't slept either... Shizune, how long have you been awake?"

“…” She tried to remember. How long had it been? “… Since it happened?” She questioned. It had been a blur, really. A blur of excuses, of reasoning, of lying, pretending, and crying when she wasn’t aware.

Kabuto nodded. "Quite a feat, to be sure. You need to sleep tonight, then. I'm surprised you havent completely passed out on yourself yet, Shizune-san." Kabuto gave another empty smile, before finishing his bowl. "And I'll be staying, at least for tonight. To make sure you do sleep. And eat when you wake up."

She recalled taking something to make sure she didn't fall asleep. But he didn't need to know that. She set her cup aside, half-eaten, but she couldn't stomach anymore, hands returning to their place at her stomach, feeling newly mended skin beneath her clothes. "... fine." But she made no move to sleep, only sat.

Kabuto moved from the floor to the couch that Shizune had camped upon. "I know this may be awkward, Shizune, but... I'd like to check on the wound."

Awkward? ... Another thing that may have brought a wry smile to her lips. Awkward? As if he hadn't seen all of her. ... Then forgotten. Either way, she didn't care. Apathetic, she merely shrugged off the top of her yukata, loosening the obi to fall about her waist as she sat, abdomen now revealed. Flat, lightly muscled... she'd repaired the stab wounds, where the kunai had punctured and twisted, leaving only a light discoloration of skin to mark that spot.

Kabuto reached out a reluctant hand and placed two fingers in the scar... smooth, nicely healed. "Well, at least you had enough wits about you to heal it up nicely. No signs of infection, and aside from a nasty scar, everything looks to be fine." Kabuto's gaze rose to meet Shizune's again, no fake smile evident on his face this time.

She met his gaze evenly, though her despair was only barely hidden. She could face him, confront him, when he didn't pretend, didn't smile like that and make her remember how things were. "I'm a medical ninja." She said softly, dismissively, shrugging her arms back into her yukata.

"Yes, a medical ninja who was up until earlier today completely out of her mind." Kabuto's icy gaze remained locked with Shizune's. "I'm sure you were able to check for any other internal damage, so I'm not even going to bother asking." Standing, taking his bowl, Kabuto motioned over to the other medical ninja. "Are you finished with your ramen?"

She almost trembled. Almost, but she steeled herself to meet his gaze, knowing that coldness. Knowing that. "I'm done." She said simply, her exhaustion plain, but not allowing it to affect her. Not now.

Emptying out what was left in Shizune's bowl, Kabuto looked over his shoulder at the woman on the couch. She had lost a child, her child, HIS child, and he'd done nothing but take the straight medical approach... distant, cold, and impersonal. But was that what the woman in the other room really needed right now? But would it really be worth faking... Kabuto walked slowly back into the main room, and retook his spot upon the couch.

Her eyes, downcast, flickered as they watched his motions, trusting and not trusting, hoping and not hoping, and just... heavy. Her head had fallen back to her drawn-up knees, bangs falling in her face to obscure her vision, but it hardly seemed to matter. It had been... she'd been fine, until he'd, they'd- until she'd had to say it. Had to admit to everyone that she'd lost the child, that it had been taken from her- Her thoughts had been so troubled, never resting until she was just too tired and had merely sat, eyes blank, no thoughts whatsoever in her mind. Still flickering her gaze from one thing to another she found his gaze as if to ask what he was still doing there, confused, abused, broken, pretending... everything.

Kabuto tried to make himself at least partly comfortable on the couch, as what he was afraid he was about to do could take a considerable amount of time. Or not. It could blow up, and Kabuto could send her off to bed while he stayed to make sure she slept. Lowering his head, trying to catch Shizune's eyes, Kabuto mustered up the most convincing face he could, and opened his mouth. "Would.. is there... anything you'd like to talk about?"

"Drop the act." Her words were not bitter or sharp, merely dull and worn. And she wanted to tell him a story, a story of the last time he had spent in this City, but the words wouldn't come, because they would only lead to a chance for a family and a baby that would never come true. "... I'm fine."

Kabuto did 'drop the act', and leaned back into the couch expressionlessly. "How long have you known? About the acting?"

"Since a curse day when I accidently wished to understand you." ... That had been when they'd become intimate. Finally admitted feelings for each other, finally... been just Shizune and Kabuto. "I remembered. Still remember.”

"Mm." Through force of habit, he brought back a false smile, and turned towards her again. "I suppose there's not much use in trying to get you to talk about it then, hmm?"

"There." She pointed it out immediately, eyes half-closed and peering at him over her knees. "Depends."

Getting somewhere was better than leaving her the same as when he arrived, to be sure. "On what?"

"What you ask." She answered just as simply, voice a monotone.

A nod. "Just talk. Say something meaningful. Something that you think may help." Kabuto turned, adjusting his glasses. Didn’t expect at answer. He was by no means a psychologist, but couldn't hurt to try.

"I know you don't like jasmine tea." She suddenly said. "It's how I figured out he wiped your memory. You faked it, talking to me." Her voice was still soft, reserved, but firm. Because she knew these things to be true, even if he didn't believe them, even if he'd forgotten... she remembered. "The child was conceived on the beach. You don't really need those glasses that much, but you wear them because it makes people underestimate you, and..." Her voice changed for a moment, mimicking his speech pattern, repeating words he'd said he wouldn't remember. "... you like the glare they cast in the light, it hides your eyes."

Kabuto remained visibly unperturbed, but those things she said did manage to strike a chord. I had really opened up to her. But he couldn't let that phase him. Not right now. "And then I came back, and you were expecting me to remember again, correct?"

"No." Shizune's eyes remained fixed on whatever was in front of her, staring off into nothing. "I hoped. But I never expected. I don't believe in miracles, Kabuto..."

"Then, pardon me if I'm out of line, you didn't expect to keep the child either, then? You said something of an old wound, and on top of that, you're surrounded by enemies. Expecting anything positive strikes me as grasping for miracles." Kabuto lowered his head to hide his eyes a bit. Any visibility of softness in talking, even of his own unborn child... he wouldn't have it.

"... No. I didn't expect it would go full term." It was hard, admitting that, even if it was true. "The doctors told me when I was a genin it would be hard to conceive, harder to carry a child full term." The medic shook her head a bit in derision aimed at her own foolishness. "I hoped, but I never expected. I can't control what I hope."

Kabuto nodded gently, praying she wouldn't see. "It's late, Shizune. For your own sake, I think you should go and get some sleep."

"..." Shizune closed her eyes, lids heavy, and heaved a soft sigh. "... Fine." She murmured, burrowing her face in her knees, still curled on the corner of the couch as if intending to do her sleeping right there, unwilling to move.

"Sleeping on the couch, hm? Then where am I supposed to lay down?" Kabuto laughed, hoping his feigned attempt at humor would get through... hoping against hope, which seemed to be an overriding theme for the night.

Her shoulders moved, a faint motion, but... a reaction. "Didn't think you were actually spending the night." She admitted, voice muffled in her legs. "Disgusted with Konoha ninja yet?"

"If I were, I wouldn't tell you, now would I? And of course I'm staying. How else am I supposed to make sure you sleep?" Kabuto shifted a bit, trying to make room for himself. Wouldn't be the first time he'd slept sitting up...

He could- No. There she went again, hoping like some foolish thing. "... You can have that end or the bed." She muttered, already starting to fall asleep now that she had finally resigned herself to sleeping, pressing herself closer into the couch corner, giving him more room.

"I'll stay in here, thank you. Like I said, the only reason I'm here is to keep an eye on you." Leaning his head back, careful to keep his glasses on, Kabuto crossed his arms over his chest and closed his eyes.

Shizune gave no reply, no indication that she'd even heard him. Because she hadn't. She had already fallen into the deep sleep of exhaustion, thankfully unable to dream of children and family only waking to find broken dreams.

Kabuto happened to lie awake for most of the night. What she'd said was true, all of it. About the tea, the glasses... everything. Why would he have opened up to her? But before he could even think on it any further... he found himself asleep.