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[x-norainu-x.livejournal.com]

When: Evening, March 6th
Rating: PG
Characters: x_norainu_x Renji and juicebox_woes Rukia
Summary: Rukia needs to talk
Log:

Running. She wasn't running. Was she? Rukia really couldn't tell. Everything just seemed to be such a blur. Ichigo, the hollow, Hisana and the hearts...it was as though everything from the past week had just twisted itself up into one catestrophic blow that had struck her down. And despite picking herself up, she didn't feel like she'd picked herself up. Rather, she felt empty, numb. And behind all that, the fear. Fear that she didn't want to acknowledge. The nightmares that came every so often had returned with a vengeance, but this time it wasn't the face of her vice-captain that contorted in pain as her blade pierced him. It was Ichigo's face. The face of his hollow, taking the place of Kaien-dono's transformed visage. Shuddering, she darted around the corner, sandaled feet pounding against the concrete floor of the breezeway as she skidded to a stop in front of the door she was looking for. Chest heaving from the run, she reached up a trembling hand and knocked.

Renji answered the door before Rukia had a chance to knock, his hand pushing aside the wooden barrier with a sense of urgency. It wasn't like he'd been waitin' there ever since Rukia's message on the computer, no, he just happened to have exceptionally good hearin', alright? ... Fine, maybe he had been worried, after all, Kuchiki Rukia wasn't the kind of girl to cry about nothin'. Somethin' had to be wrong, and unfortunately for Renji, he would have to find out why. One look at her told him all he needed to know. It was Ichigo...Somethin' had happened to him; only Ichigo could induce the tired, ill, and altogether malnourished appearance Rukia seemed to be sporting. -c-
o M e K u S o: Frowin' in a lopsided manner, Renji grabbed her by the shoulder and pulled her inside his apartment, shutting the door vehemently before turning around to face her. "Alright...What happened to him?"

It was hard to hide the visible relief she felt at seeing Renji. While she had appreciated Kiyone's impromptu visit, and the girl had indeed been able to make her feel a bit better, she didn't know the third-seat that well. And opening up to someone she didn't know well had always been difficult for the petite Kuchiki to do. Renji was...Renji was different. He was familiar, and even though things were strained between them now, he was still Renji. Still her best friend, the closest thing she'd had to family until Nii-sama had adopted her. Not really caring that he was somewhat manhandling her, she simply let him pull her inside and close the door, staring down at the ground for a moment before answering him in a broken whisper. "He....lost his heart."

He lost his heart? What the fuck did that mean? Scowling, while tryin' to figure out just what Rukia was sayin, Renji paced across the room, a hand sliding over the top of his head to sleek down the red locks currently pulled into their usual ponytail. "You need to eat." Walking to the refridgerator before waiting for an answer, or most likely a protest, Renji shuffled through the contents of the icebox and procured some vegetables and meat. Carelessly shuffling through a nearby cabinet and extracting a pan, he set about the task of cooking the concoction while giving Rukia a chance to settle down. He didn't speak until he finished, placing the sizzling meal on a plate as he paced back to her side, setting down the dish on the coffee table before gently leading her to the couch. "Sit, eat, and then we'll talk, alright?" It might have been a question, but the tone he used left no interpretation for the sentence to be taken as anything but a command. It wasn't that he was being heartless, mean, or an asshole, but at the moment, he cared more about Rukia's health than he did about whatever else might have been going on.

Normally, she would have scowled. Normally, she would have stamped her foot and glowered and told him quite stubbornly that she didn't want to eat and that if he wanted to try and force it down her throat that she'd like to see him try. But....instead she simply nodded slightly and sat down. Silently picking up the plate and chopsticks, she began eating, motions sluggish and robotic. It was as though some part of her wasn't there, as though she were just going through the motions. Completely unlike her normal self. She didn't even take the opportunity to make a crack about Renji's cooking skills which, though she'd never want to admit it, far outstripped her own. At least things Renji cooked came out edible.

Watching Rukia eat gave Renji little pleasure....sure, he was less worried that she would pass out from exhaustion now, but seeing her face so...dead was almost more than even he could bare. No snide comments about his cooking, no arguments or protests of any kind. Rukia. "Rukia...What you said about Ichigo...what do you mean she stole his heart? You mean he left you for someone else, cause if that's the case, I'll fuckin' kill him." He knew that wasn't the case, there was no way Ichigo, whom he had come to know, would ever willingly abandon Rukia or make her suffer. Especially not abandon her for another woman. Hell, he'd have to be the world's most stupid person to do that.

She shook her head, swallowing and setting down the plate. "No, that's....not what I meant. It's...Onee-san.....she just...took it." Brushing a stray strand of black hair out of blueviolet eyes, she settled back into the cushions on the couch, drawing her knees up to her chest. "She...she had one of those shard things in her heart. You know...the ones that have been making people act strangely. But....hers was tainted, somehow. She....she tried to take Nii-sama's heart, then...she vanished. I told Nii-sama I would find her, I promised him. But....I couldn't even do that. And...and then Ichigo went out to look for her, even though I didn't ask him to. And she...she....." She broke off, tightening her arms around her knees, hugging herself up into an even tighter ball to try and quell the trembling. "He...he wasn't Ichigo. It was like...like he was just...empty. I...brought him home, so that I could take care of him, so we could find out how to...to fix it. But then when I woke up, he was gone. And then....then.....he got out....."

Renji was trembling almost as much as Rukia as she continued to talk, not out of sadness or worry, but out of anger. Having to watch her in such a broken state, knees to her chest, limbs quivering as her voice began to break, it made his insides melt. Shit, he was surprised he'd managed to keep quiet for as long as he already had. Fingers fisting themselves into the cloth covering his knees, he hesitated for only a moment before dropping one of his arms around the svelte girl's frame, pulling her entire form flush against him as he stare at the opposite wall, his eyes reluctant to meet her as he spoke in a manner unlike himself. Calm. Comforting. Reassuring. Soft. "Rukia...It wasn't your fault. Shit happens...You should know that. It was Ichigo's decision. Like you said, you didn't ask him. I know what's happened to him hurts...but there's a way to fix this. I'll fix it....When you said he, you meant his Hollow, right? Tch, I knew he wouldn't stay gone for long." Shaking his head, thinking back to Hinamori, he finally managed to gaze into the Shinigami's blue-violet eyes, "I'll fix it...Okay? I can take care of this, and I won't get hurt doing it, so don't fuckin' worry. But you sobbing and acting like this isn't helping anything. You've got to be strong...How do you think Ichigo'll feel after he turns back to normal and realizes how much pain he put you through? It'll fuckin' kill him....So, smile. Things are gonna be okay."

A bit startled as Renji dragged her into an embrace, she nonetheless let him, simply resting her forehead against his chest. It was...comforting. Familiar. Listening to his words, she could feel the trembling ebb slightly. But....he was going to fix it. Which meant...facing Ichigo's hollow. That thought sent her mind immediately spiraling into images of what that could bring. Pulling back, she stared at him with wide, tear-filled eyes before shaking her head violently. "No, you can't, you'll get hurt, you'll die. I...." As the trembling returned, so did the tears. But this time, rather then holding them back, she simply gave in and buried her face in his robes. "I don't want it to happen again, not again, not like before...."

Renji didn't try stopping her as she pulled away, instead simply watched her with an understanding and sincere gaze on his chiseled countenance. He couldn't blame her for acting so scared, he couldn't even snicker at her for being so panicked, so worried. After what happened with Kaien...it was understandable that Rukia felt so helpless. About to say something in response to her protest, Renji's words were lost as he felt Rukia's face against his chest, the black cloth clinging to his skin as it became soaked in her tears. "Rukia..." Sliding a hand up her back, he pulled her closer to him and rested his chin on the top of her head, "I won't die...And I won't kill him," he stated simply, squeezing her a little tighter as he continued to talk, "I'm not even going to go see him. First, I have to get his heart back...and I have to help Byakuya-taichou get Hisana back. After he has his heart, I'll help Ichigo get himself back, alright?" No matter how much he wanted to keep holding her, he found himself gently pulling her away, both his hands resting on each one of her shoulders, "You trust me, right Rukia?" He didn't know why he had asked the question, perhaps it was because of past circumstances, but Renji wouldn't feel right trying to help her unless he had her concent...Even if she protested, as long as she said she trusted him, that would be enough for him.

"Onee-san is....ok now. Ahiru got the shard out, so it's alright. Nii-sama is...happy to have her back. But Ahiru can't give Ichigo his heart back if we don't know where it is...." She looked up at him as he pulled her away, biting her lower lip, cheeks stained with tears that trailed from eyes already red and swollen. Her answer was a simple nod. "Of course I trust you, Renji. I've always trusted you..." A glance away, and she bit her lower lip as though she was trying to summon the courage to ask something. "R..Renji? Will you.....promise me something?"

"So Hisana is okay? ... That's good...." It was good...Having to face is captain in a bad mood, possibly a sad mood, was a little worrying...Two cryin' Kuchikis....Now that was just scary. "Who would know where its at? Do you have any idea, Rukia?" Shit. Obstacle number one: Try and find the person who knows where Ichigo's hearts is at...and considering how many people where in the fuckin' city and how many places it could be hidden, well, he'd have to make one hell of a strong negotiation or threat to get anywhere. Pulled out of thought by Rukia's unusual question, Renji looked at her, one eyebrow skewed, "What, Rukia?"

She swallowed hard, summoning her will to actually ask what had become one of the hardest questions she could think of. "If....if something goes wrong, and....and we can't...can't.......I don't want anyone else to....to be the one to...to..." Try as she might, she couldn't bring herself to finish the thought. The one to kill him. And it hurt. As frightened as she was, as much as the notion clawed at her with poisoned fangs, she couldn't not ask it. If...if it did come down to it, and there was no other choice, she didn't....feel right about someone else being the hand holding the zanpakutou. It wasn't that she'd want it that way, but she couldn't help feeling that...Ichigo would want it that way. Would want for the last thing he saw to be her. And so she took a deep shuddering breath and looked back up at Renji. "Promise me that?"

"Rukia," now his tone was firm, almost angry as he said her name, "Don't even think that. Don't fucking think it, you hear me? That's not going to happen..." He wouldn't let it. He'd never allow something like that to happen to her, to Ichigo. They were his friends, and Renji'd be damned if he was going to let something happen to either one of them. He'd stop it, fix it, or die tryin'. "Ichigo'll be fine. You'll be fine. It'll all be fine, got it Kuchiki?" There was only so much he could take, allowing Rukia to continue along the same train of thought would only make her feel worse. What she needed now was direction, motivation, hope. The last thing she needed was to dwell on the worst possible scenario, and though Renji didn't need to give it any thought, he knew if in an alternate universe the moment did come, there would be no telling if he could keep his promise tolet her do what she said Ichigo would want...Seeing her after Kaien's death, knowing it would be a hundred times worse...He didn't know if he could let her live with the guilt. Having her hate him would be easier. His face softening, he loosened his grip on her shoulders and tried his best to smile, "Stay here tonight."

Managing a weak smile, she nodded slightly. He was right. She couldn't just give up, afterall hadn't she promised herself that? Hadn't she told Urahara that no matter what, she wasn't going to let any harm come to the orange-haired loudmouth who had become the center of her world? Her eyes widened slightly at Renji's simple offer. Stay....here? She'd have been lying if she'd said the idea didn't appeal to her. Ishida was off on his own somewhere, and without Ichigo.....her own apartment was empty and hollow, echoing with lonliness. Even staying on Renji's couch...was something preferable to being alone. "I.....thank you, Renji."

Patting her on the shoulder, he stood up, standing her up with him, his hand skimming across the coffee table to grab the discarded dish as he made his way to the kitchen. "I have two extra rooms, there's one right next to mine, so if you want, you can stay there. Its close, so if you need me, I'm not to far away," he said nonchalantly after placing the dish in the sink, washing his hands carelessly before showing her to her room. "Everything you need is already on the bed...There's towels in the bathroom if you want to take a shower and eat anythin' you want," (Why was it so hard to walk away?) he said, cracking a small smile as he pushed his own door open, "Goodnight, Rukia." Letting his hand slip slowly from her own, Renji dissappeared behind his door, face reverting to its usual frown as he flung himself into his bed, hands stripping away his shirt before his muscular form dissappeared under the covers.

Taking advantage of his offer, she slipped into the bathroom and hopped into the shower, letting the warm water wash away the tension that had built up in her shoulders. It also made it easier to ignore the slight sting of the tears that still threatened to come back. But this time, she managed to push them aside and avoid simply slipping down into a corner of the tile and sobbing until the water turned cold, as she'd done the night before. She'd changed and towel-dried her hair as she stepped out of the small room and headed towards the door that led to the spare bedroom. Pausing in front of Renji's door, she stared at the wood. She could....but no, that was probably a bad idea. Considering how he felt about her, how things were....just because it had been alright when they were children didn't mean it would be alright now. But even though that was probably the case, she still felt herself move to the door, nudge it open slightly to slip inside and stand framed by the shaft of light, looking small and frail like a child upset by a nightmare. "R...Renji?"

He still hadn't fallen asleep, no matter how hard he had tried. Ignoring the fact that Rukia was in the house was turning out to be a little more difficult to do than he had originally anticipated. Hearing the showering running across the hall certainly hadn't made it any better. Burying his face under his pillow, he blotted out the sounds until he heard a faint tapping on his door, then, a voice. Shoving object aside, Renji sat up in his bed to see a small silhoutte in his doorway, his cheeks flushing in the darkness as they always did when Rukia talked to him in that voice. Knowing what was coming, he pulled aside the covers beside him, "Hurry up and get in". It almost sounded disdainful, but that was just Renji's way of handling the situation...It always had been, and Rukia knew that.

She started to take a step towards him, then paused. Was it really...ok? "I....I don't want to be a bother...or...make things difficult for you...." She didn't really know how to phrase it, but she hoped that she'd gotten her point across. She hadn't forgotten the fact that he loved her, was IN love with her. And she didn't want to place him in a painful position through her own selfish desire to not be alone at night when the nightmares came.

"Of course its okay, I just invited you in, didn't I?" Surprisingly, it was okay...Hearing her voice, so vulnerable, had made him think of the past...Of the days when they were younger. At the moment, all he could think of was protecting Rukia, making her feel safe, and that feeling blotted out all the other desires that were previously on his mind. Right now, he just wanted her to be comfortable. "Now get in here, I'm getting cold..."

With a small nod, she darted across the room and hopped up on the bed, scooting under the covers beside him. Keeping a few inches distance between them, she stared at the ceiling for a few moments before her eyes flickered over to him. "Renji? Can I.....sleep on your shoulder? Like...I used to, when we were little?"

Without answering her, he wrapped and arm about her shoulders and pulled her body close to his so that they were flush against eachother, her small hands resting on his chest, her soft breath on the nape of his neck. So many fuckin' memories.... "You know you've never had to ask," he said softly, nearly whispering as he stare at the ceiling, relishing the feel of her by him, her warmth intoxicating his senses. "Now, go to sleep," he said, his hold on her growing relaxed, comfortable. "Goodnight, Rukia."

Smiling slightly, she snuggled up, his warmth comforting and familiar. It reminded her of...home. Of a time when things between them hadn't been so complicated and they could just be friends taking comfort in each other's presence. And despite the fact that it wasn't Ichigo she was cuddled against, things still seemed alright. Afterall, it was Renji. Her best friend, and the friend she trusted the most. With a soft sigh, she settled in as the waves of sleep started to overtake her. "Renji......thank you....."

Feeling her body give give way under his arm, Renji could tell she was starting to fall asleep. He turned his face and looked at her ethereal visage as his fingers rested against her silky smooth skin; it was better than he had remember, and for the first time in a long time, he smiled, "You're welcome, Rukia."