Log: Complete (?)

[juicebox-woes.livejournal.com]

When; April 8
Rating; PGish?
Characters; Kuchiki Rukia juicebox_woes, Hitsugaya Toushirou icepetals
Summary; Rukia takes her leave to try and work through the shock of Ichigo's sudden departure.
Log;

It was warm again. Like that night. That night that seemed so long ago, the one that had changed both her fate and his and set them on the inexorable path towards each other. Rukia closed blueviolet eyes that somehow seemed so confusingly tired, face expressionless as the salty breeze softly beat it's wings against her cheeks, the slight grit of the salt and sand contrasting with the silky feel of the air currents as they smoothed raven-black hair, sending loose strands to play against her skin.

The kiss of the wind was soft and gentle, almost playful in a way, with a slightly hesitant note to it's tender caress. Unbidden, the corners of her mouth turned up a mere fraction, curving for just an instant into a faint and wavering smile.

Like his touch....gentle.

Opening her eyes, dark lashes sliding back from pools of deep amethyst, she bit her lip slightly and tightened her grip on the snowy-white blade in her hand. Taking a deep breath, she stepped forward, moving robotically through the motions of a simple kata. Focus. She had to focus. The petite shinigami didn't really know why she was training, why she was going through the motions. Maybe it was a grasp at emotion, a flailing clutch for something that felt real. Because right now, it seemed as though nothing DID anymore. She was walking in a dream, hollow and echoing around her.

Denial was something that Kuchiki Rukia was intimately familiar with, though she might have argued otherwise. But this...this knawing emptiness, the crushing numbness didn't feel like that. Denial had been all that time she'd tried to ignore how much she yearned for his touch, how much she craved simply being near him. Denial...wasn't this. It wasn't this thick feeling that clogged her throat and her chest, that slowed her movements and filled her ears with inaudible noise that was there and yet wasn't. Denial...had never felt like this before.

With a whirl of the blade, she felt the press of reiatsu as the plain metal shifted seamlessly into the pure white shikai form with her simple command. And as pointless as it might have been to stand on a beach and create columns of ice with no discernable purpose or reason, before she was even really aware of what she was doing, the shifting sands were pockmarked with ice-encrusted circles.

It wasn't enough, not enough to make her feel, to break through the invisible ice that seemed to have surrounded her since she had felt the sudden absence of the presence that bouyed her and supported her. And...she couldn't understand, couldn't see why that glass that held her back from her own emotions wouldn't break, wouldn't shatter into the million razor-sharp shards that Rukia knew it should be. Afterall, she'd suffered loss before. She knew how it was supposed to feel, how the sharp sting was meant to blossom into a knawing, burning pain that crushed every other thought out of your mind with it's sheer ferocity. Even knowing that he was safe, alive, simply somewhere else...that should have been enough. It should have at least been able to make her feel relieved, happy even. Afterall, he wasn't here with her any longer but...that meant he was home. Safe, because Aizen and most of his Arrancar were here. And the rest of the captains and vice-captains were there as well. It was...better this way, right?

But what she didn't understand was why something felt like it was breaking inside her. Not pain. She knew pain, knew the way it felt. And this...this was different. It was a breaking, a shattering of more then just her calm.

He's...really gone....

As though watching herself from a distance, she could feel the smooth hilt of her zanpakutou slip from fingers that suddenly seemed too weak to hold even a simple pencil. As the blade fell to the sand with a soft thud, Rukia wondered to herself why her cheeks were wet, why her legs had suddenly given out, why she could feel herself breaking.

Hands fisting in the sand, she hung her head as the tears finally came, quiet sobs increasing in pitch as she wrapped her arms around her middle and howled her pain to the wind as it's gusts picked up in speed, whipping dark hair around her face and fanning the tears that streaked her cheeks.

Comments

[icepetals.livejournal.com]

He wasn’t a comforter, he had never been. Cold and blunt words came easier to him than something sweet that could charm out lighter emotions but nevertheless, Hitsugaya had felt a need to drop by and check on the girl after reading her half hearted comments on the network. Kurosaki Ichigo had left earlier that day, just as he had last autumn and just as Ichimaru had just last month. The city seemed rather keen on tearing apart people just after they’ve grown close or perhaps, that was the original architect’s intentions. He hadn’t been there to comfort anyone when he had left, nor had he been able to be physically present with Matsumoto when Ichimaru had left, but there was a difference between the two. He firmly believed Matsumoto was strong enough to think things through, Rukia on the other hand... not so much.

It had only taken a few speedy steps aided with shunpo that took him to where Rukia was, he took a few moments to spy on her and assess whether she truly needed his tampering that evening. He frowned when he noticed her attempt with her zanpakuto. Perhaps, she wasn’t as in control and numb as she presented herself to be.

"Rukia?" He said quietly in a firm voice. Hitsugaya might not have been her division’s captain, but he was a captain no less. He had a responsibility to look after everyone.

[juicebox-woes.livejournal.com]

The soft voice startled her. Truthfully, she wasn't all that used to hearing her name spoken aloud. It wasn't as though she didn't know plenty of people, but she just wasn't...close to that many. That being the case, outside of those she mentally would have termed "family", there weren't many who spoke to her. Glancing up over her shoulder, tear-filled violet eyes found the familiar shape of the white-haired captain.

"Hitsugaya...taichou."

Glancing down at the sand, she felt her cheeks burn with shame at displaying such weakness, and in front of a captain no less. If it had been Reji, or her brother....or even Inoue or one of the others from Karakura...maybe. But another shinigami, a captain, no less. Seeing her so broken so...defeated. It was mortifying.

[icepetals.livejournal.com]

Perhaps using her first name had shocked her, he wasn’t able to discern too much from her current state. He had just though calling her given name, rather than a name he usually associated with the other captain and family might have been easier. Ah, well... It got the intended affect. He sighed a little, almost inaudibly and somehow almost wished he had taken that Language of Persuasion course back at the academy. It might’ve helped him count up with something better to say than what he was about to say.

"Look… Don’t keep your head down. Like I said before, letting go a little won’t hurt anything. There’s nothing to be ashamed of." He studied her for a long moment and measured the weight of his next line before he said it. It didn’t hold any intention to harm. "I am aware that you were involved with Kurosaki… but, you’re behaving as if this was forever."

[juicebox-woes.livejournal.com]

She flinched slightly. He was right, of course. It was ridiculous for her to be this upset, especially when she knew he was fine, was safe, and that he might even return here. Or that she might return to where he was. But...it didn't necessarily work that way. Rukia knew as well as most anyone in the City that this place drew people from different times, different realities. And as much as she'd never wanted to think about it, she had no way of knowing if her Ichigo even came from the same reality she did.

"I...I know it...might not be but...I just...can't make them....stop...."

It was humiliating to her, to go so suddenly from being unable to reach her own feelings to now being unable to gain any sort of control over them. Losing her decorum completely was not something a Kuchiki did. Of course...there were a lot of things a Kuchiki didn't do, that Kuchiki Rukia seemed to always be doing. Drawing a ragged breath, she let it out slowly, forcing her hands to unclench from their tight fists, ignoring the red crescents in her palms where nails had dug in.

[icepetals.livejournal.com]

"I’m not reprimanding you." He reminded her lightly, he had even reached out a hand towards her as well.. but the only women he had really ever comforted like that were Matsumoto and Hinamori. He wasn’t sure if it would work the same way with Rukia so he ended up withdrawing it. "There’s a chance he might not come back the same, but I don’t think that will be the case."

He leaned over so they would be in eye-level with each other. "The chances of him coming back and being the same Kurosaki Ichigo are about the same as the chances of him coming back and remembering everything between you two... and that is speaking from experience." It was true that those instances seemed rarer, but they happened nevertheless. He was certain it was because he never once gave up on finding his way back into the City for the aforementioned duo. "Either way, I don’t think he would forget you.

"I still remember a group of humans and a makeshift shinigami intruding into Soul Society." He continued on, "They didn’t listen to decorum, didn’t allow other members of the Gotei 13 stop then and one member in particular didn’t even stop to rest his wounds in order to save a certain shinigami from her execution. I don’t think a man like that would just allow an obnoxious city get the better of him."

[juicebox-woes.livejournal.com]

She hadn't really thought that Hitsugaya-taichou, of all the people who might have shown up, would be comforting her. But strangely...it helped a bit. Not necessarily the words he spoke, but simply having someone THERE.

And maybe it wasn't only because of Ichigo that the pain was so sharp. Maybe it was also because now...it was as though everyone else was leaving too. Her sister had secluded herself ever since Byakuya had left, and Renji...was off training again. She hadn't seen Inoue in a long time, and wasn't even sure if the girl was still in the City.

Shaking her head, she looked up at the white-haired captain.

"It's not....that I think he'd forget me. I...know better then that. I just... I'm afraid that when I see him again, he'll have forgotten...us. That...we won't be able to be like...we were. Even before this place. Because...I don't know that I could go back to the way things used to be."

[icepetals.livejournal.com]

"If he remembers you, he will remember the ‘we’ you two shared." Hitsugaya said in a definite tone, it was how he felt and it was the case with him. "However… even if he doesn’t, I’m sure you would still hold a large enough spot within him to pursue an ‘us,’ after all… it has to be a very important friend to risk everything and go into another world for."

[juicebox-woes.livejournal.com]

Rukia smiled slightly at his words. Maybe...he was right. Afterall, she believed in Ichigo, trusted him above all else. And she knew that Hitsugaya was right, that whereever the orange-haired punk was right now, if he didn't want to be there then he wouldn't stay there very long.

"Hn..he's stubborn. I know he'll be back, I just....wasn't expecting him to leave so suddenly, I guess..."

[icepetals.livejournal.com]

It seemed like Rukia’s mood had picked up so Hitsugaya nodded along, hoping his words had actually gotten through. "You’ll see each other again before you know it. Just believe in it."

[juicebox-woes.livejournal.com]

She nodded, smile widening.

"Thank you, Hitsugaya-taichou..I will."