tampered | Ongoing loooog~

Current Mood: sleepy

Ongoing loooog~

When; April 14th
Rating; PG-13
Characters; Kamui (

for_destiny)
Summary; Jowy tries to calm a blood-covered Kamui?
Log;

He was frozen in spot, not wanting to move from the doorway of Jowy's apartment. Perhaps part of the reasoning was shock, but he prefered to tell himself that it was because he didn't want to get blood on the carpet. Not that it was dripping off of him or anything, but... it was on his shoes, legs... everywhere. It even somehow had managed to soak into his socks.

There had been so much of the stuff where he had found his double. The other's wounds actively bleeding heavily, but still trying to heal. So many injuries, and by the time Kamui got the other to the safety of the twins' apartment, he'd found himself looking as if HE'D gotten into the fight.

"J-Jowy~?" he whimpered out, shaking a little, still not wanting to move. He was so... scared, worried, upset. He was also sure he looked quite horrifying at the moment. But Jowy would make him feel better. He would fix things.

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The sight of Kamui covered thickly in blood had frightened Jowy very much. He managed to calm himself however, and to prevent himself from crying out or doing anything else to alarm the younger boy. Finally, after several moments of silence, Jowy took a step forward and placed his hands on Kamui's shoulder.

"You're not hurt, are you?"

Kamui looked up at Jowy, eyes glimmering slightly with tears. "I... no." This was his fault, wasn't it? At least partially. Kamui-kun must have been afraid of losing him and his twin, and so he fought the man that was the biggest threat. Fought and got seriously injured. "I'm fine, but him..." His eyes wandered to where Jowy touched him, lids slipping shut so he couldn't see all the red-turning-brown.

"You're getting bloody, too..."

Jowy dismissed Kamui's last comment with a slight shake of his head. "We need to get you cleaned up first - I'm glad you're fine--" Gently, he tugged Kamui by his arm and lead the smaller boy to the bathroom. Explanations; those could wait until later. He didn't know what to ask anyway, and imagined Kamui would prefer the silence.

First things first and that was to get Kamui cleaned. Jowy told himself they would start there.

Kamui pouted as he was dragged, not at the idea of getting clean, or because he was being forced to the bathroom, but because... he was trailing blood on the carpet. Not much, just little spots here and there, but it was enough to bother him. He was not only worrying Jowy, but messing his apartment as well?

He'd have to clean those spots later.

"I'm sorry I'm so much trouble," he whispered, looking down. If only he hadn't gone out? But, no... then Kamui-kun might really have died...

Jowy stopped and then gave Kamui a look. "You're not much trouble, Kamui, don't think like that-" he said and continued guiding Kamui to the bathroom where he opened the shower for warm water.

Such a response should have been expected of Jowy. He was just... very tolerant of Kamui. No matter what, it seemed, Kamui did. "Okay," he relented quietly, not wanting to argue over such a thing. Jowy would have probably won, anyway.

As Jowy turned on the shower, Kamui just watched, then looked down to tug at his muchly bloodied t-shirt. Ugh.

"You need to strip-" Jowy said matter-of-factly, "-If you want, I can help you clean up."

Despite all that had happened between them, while intoxicated and affected by curse, Jowy was not affected the least by his offer. He simply didn't see anything wrong with it, but perhaps it had to do with his time in the army. It didn't matter anyway, did it? It wasn't like Kamui were a girl...

"Mn," Kamui nodded simply. Normally, that would have gotten at least a blush out of him, but he was just feeling too... disconnected at the moment. Disconnected and oddly pliant, distracted as he was by the dark images that kept rising to mind: the other Kamui sliced up, hair matted with blood, strangled breath rattling, not otherwise moving. That was how he had found him; it had been... scary. Scary to see himself like that, knowing it could be just as much a reality for him as it was for his other. Only, he doubted that he would have lived through it like Kamui-kun.

He was trying not to let his tears leak out as he shed his clothing.

Jowy watched silently. He had an inkling of what Kamui felt; the other Kamui no doubt had more than just a passing resemblance with Kamui. He wondered though what could have possibly happened; the other Kamui had survived the Black Sword Rune with his abnormal healing abilities, to have been so injured as to cause this Kamui alarm?

He quietly asked his rune what had been different, but it was silent about the matter. In fact, he realized, it had been silent for a while now. Worrisome... but there were other, more important, things to worry about at hand.

He reached for the sponge and soap. "I hope you don't mind, I'm not very good at giving other people baths," he said lightly in an attempt to lighten up the situation.

"That's okay," he replied softly, just letting Jowy do whatever. It wasn't bad, anyway, even though he really could bathe himself. He just didn't... want to move.

"It was like seeing my future, you know." his voice was almost distant, as if he was musing aloud. "All those dreams I've had where I was cut and tortured and killed... it was like those, only seeing it in the flesh." He scratched at some blood caked on his fingernails, "Cut, dying, covered in blood... that could really be me. If I go home, it probably will be me."

Why was it that sometimes, when Kamui spoke, it reminded Jowy so strongly of himself? The words that had left Kamui's mouth; in another time, in another circumstance, Jowy would have said those words too. It was pessimistic and while Jowy knew exactly what to say to that, it felt odd because it was like telling himself too. "If you think like that, it will be you," Jowy said simply as he began sponging and lathering Kamui's body down with soap. Was it Frey who had told him that? Or Tyr? Or Lazlo? Someone had definitely told him something in those lines when he was feeling exceptionally pessimistic.

Having said that, Jowy wondered, did that mean he believed it too? Believed that he should not think he would die and hope for the best instead, that is?

Think like that... it wasn't... Jowy just didn't know. If he went home, it would either be him or Fuuma in that situation, and... Kamui wouldn't do that to Fuuma. He wanted to protect him, even through everything that had happened.

He suddenly grabbed Jowy's hand, just enough to stop it, eyes focusing on Jowy's. "It's my fate, Jowy. I could think positively all day if I wanted, and it wouldn't change. I've tried everything. Fuuma..." Kamui looked away and released the hand, "will kill me. Especially if it's true Tokyo has already been destroyed. I'll be covered in my own blood, just like..."

A shake of his head. "Sorry. I shouldn't... I know you want me to think positive, but..." Maybe if he didn't keep getting reminders of home and fate thrown in his face, such a thing would be easier.

"It's my fate too," Jowy said simply as soon as Kamui began trailing away. "But I've been told over and over that if I think that way it'll happen and... I really should try not to think like it- And I do try- -" He paused. "They're right, even if it's likely we won't be able to fight fate, it's still no use thinking like that."

"I don't know." He sighed softly, closing his eyes. At least he was more coherant now? "Maybe I'm just... so used to thinking this way that I can't..."

He found himself staring at the blood still on one of his hands again, the red coating the skin like a glove, pentagram showing through it. "I can't..." Nevermind. Kamui shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts.

Jowy took Kamui's hands in it and carefully washed away the thick blood on it. He tried to ignore the pentagram on the backs of Kamui's hand. Like cattle; the words echoed at the back of his mind. What made Kamui put up with this? "We'll have to try extra hard not to think like that, or else, people will start whapping us everytime we get into it-- or maybe you need someone to whap you. At least, if it doesn't get better, it can't get worse, can it?"

He was just so gentle with him; it made Kamui smile a little. "I guess not?" Actually, in his experience, it COULD get worse, but the least he could do was humor Jowy. And... not think about the whap thing, since his mind was randomly going to weird and dark (gutter) places with that one. "I'll... I'll try to... not focus so much on my fate, but..." It wasn't as if, especially in this world, he had much to live for. "Well, I'll try."

"We'll both try," Jowy corrected him with a smile.

Once Kamui was clean and free from every trace of blood, Jowy asked him what clothes to bring for him. "Pajamas?"

Since Kamui had started staying a bit, he'd brought some clothing with him, and it wasn't a lot but Jowy still wanted to make sure he was going to be bringing Kamui what he wanted to wear.

We'll. That one little change of words made Kamui smile a little more, feeling much lighter than before. He wasn't... alone. Jowy would be there for him, right? At least... until he found someone he liked better...

"Um..." he suddenly realized he'd been asked a question. "Whatever you find of mine is fine. I usually just wear loose cotton pants and a T-shirt." At least when he had to appear more proper with people who would take issue with him showing skin (like his little sister... oh, that'd be embarrassing).

"Okay." With that said, Jowy disappeared from the bathroom door and re-emerged later with some pieces clothing in his hands. Said pieces of clothing looked like it had adorable kitten patterns. Jowy had meant to play a little joke on Kamui; the pajamas were cute, but not really something Jowy thought Kamui would wear. At least, Jowy thought, Kamui probably kept it around because it was cute, not because he'd want to wear it. It was a bit too... girly, at least by the standards he had been brought up with.

Ever since he came to this place, he'd been exposed to so many things and it had changed the way now thought. Though, perhaps for the better?

"I'm back with your clothes, Kamui." Deliberately, he came closer and made sure Kamui recognized the kitten prints. He'd wrapped the T-shirt and loose cotton pants he'd found around the kitten-print pajamas.

The mood change Kamui went through was rather incredible, actually. First, he looked to the clothing curiously. Then he turned bright red with embarrassment (he did wear those PJs once in a while, but only when the rest of his stuff was dirty, and only while alone. He liked the kitties on them, but...). And then, finally, he glared at the other, pouting, even though it was only half-serious. "You're evil, Jowy."

The look on Kamui's face was priceless and Jowy laughed, completely pleased with himself. "Your clothes are wrapped in it - I just thought I'd play with you a bit... but--" Grin. "From that look on your face, you actually wear it, don't you?"

"Shut up," he whined, snatching the normal clothes and changing. After he was done, he hugged the kitten print to himself, blushing hard again. "And if you must know... yes." A shy, embarrassed glance to Jowy. "I do wear the kitties sometimes."

Jowy laughed again. "It must look--" He tried to imagine Kamui in it. "-adorable on you."

And then, when he realized what he had said, he blushed slightly. What the hell did he just say? Adorable?

"Adorable?" he practically echoed Jowy's thoughts, blinking before his blush suddenly covered more of his face, trying to hide it in the kitty print PJs a bit. "I'll... you can see me in them sometime, if you want..." his voice was very small, another glance given to Jowy. "Only Seishirou has ever caught me in the kitty print, and..."

A pause and a thoughtful look, "I really should go see if he's okay..."

"It's probably... not safe right now?" Jowy said quietly, "I mean... I don't think it is." Gut feeling, that was all Jowy had. He wasn't sure what to believe and what not to believe regarding the relationship between Kamui and Seishirou. He'd heard it was bad, and there were marks that seemed to support that, but... at the same time...

In the end, all he could do was watch over Kamui while he could, no matter how short this time of theirs together was.

Another blink and an innocent look. "I just want to see if he's being taken care of. It'd be wrong for me to just let him die so horribly, right?" He set the kitty print aside and looked at his hands, tilting his head a little. "I know he's not dead or anything, but... I should go check on him. Because I... belong to him," a questioning look was directed Jowy's way, "right?"

Belong to him

"He's probably... well. If he was able to do that to the other Kamui," Jowy told the other boy, conveniently leaving out his reasons for thinking so. "Kamui, you don't belong to anyone but yourself. You don't have to... worry about him so much-- I mean, do you love him?"

"Love him?" Kamui almost, almost laughed. "I hate him, most of the time! But..." He chewed on his index finger a little, "It's the closest thing I have to a relationship. There will never be any love involved, just lust, and he could care less if I died, but... it's better than nothing. I went to him because I didn't want to be left alone anymore." A tug at his shirt, a nervous habit, perhaps. "But, no, I don't love him." I love you, he almost added, but kept it in, not wanting to freak Jowy out.

"Then why do you stay with him...? It's not like... I'm sure you can find comfort, I mean, love -" He tried not to lose composure talking about such a private thing. He never had to talk about these kind of things and he'd never been too good with talking about emotion and the like. "--somewhere else. Not from... someone who obviously doesn't treat you like a human being. If there's no reason at all... it can't be worth it--" Ouch, that was a bad speech. It was ironic how he could compose a decent speech to rally the morale of his troops and completely fail at something so simple and natural as an advice regarding relationships. "...If you want, I can help you find someone? It's not my department but... I'll do my best."

"But I like Jowy!" he blurted, eyes instantly widening, blushing once again. Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it! He hadn't exactly meant to let it out like that, but... might as well run with it. "I love... you," Kamui said softly, eyes closed and head turned away. His body was tensed, almost as if he was expecting to take a blow. An emotional one, maybe, but he was expecting to get hurt one way or another. "I'm sorry..."

The statement took a while to register. While that sinked in, Jowy stared at Kamui. And then it did.

Kamui liked him... no wait, loved him? A slight blush. "I-" He shook his head, hoping to shake off that silly surprise. "I mean, there's nothing to be sorry about--" Would holding Kamui by his shoulders work right now? Especially after such a confession?

Maybe not, he told himself, so he kept his hands to his sides. He was silent for a moment or two, before he finally spoke. "I... I like Kamui, I said that, I know... I don't know if it's love but--" I'm willing to try, would that work? No. It would make it sound that he was pitying Kamui and no, he didn't pity Kamui. He genuinely wanted to help Kamui. He knew though that if he just did it to keep Kamui away from Seishirou, it would hurt Kamui... What did he really feel? Was he even capable of such an emotion? Riou, he could say, he said... but... that was because for so long, it was just him and Riou, and Nanami, but more on Riou because he was who he spent most of his time with. Did he really love Riou that way, now that he thought about it? He couldn't really tell what he felt but--

He cared for Kamui, very much. He felt a connection with the younger boy and while he could probably tell himself it was just because he didn't want Kamui returning to Seishirou there was a part of him that seemed to say he did like Kamui... "I do care for you and...but... what's supposed to happen-- How do you find out if you love someone that way...?" He gave Kamui a shy smile then. "I've never really had to woo anyone, Kamui."

Kamui thought for a moment, tilting his head in contemplation. "Well," How did he know? Well, he just DID. "I'm going to such explaining this, and I'm sure it's different for other people, but... I guess..." His hand came to rest over his heart, fingers twisting the fabric a little. "When you love someone, you get this feeling that you want them around all the time. No matter how annoyed you can get with them, you still want to keep them. And they make you happy too... by just being them. And..." Ugh, he was so gonna pass out from too much blushing, "I mean, I know I get a happy, floating feeling when you say certain things, or touch me certain ways... but that may just be because I'm weird or something." Or hormonal. Kamui didn't know, exactly.

Jowy couldn't really remember a time he experienced those. Extreme emotions for him were often connected with moments of hatred and anger. He remembered those clearly; the anger and outrage he felt when he found out Luca Blight had massacred their youth brigade and when his step father and half brother refused to let him see his mother... before disowning him. He simply couldn't remember floating feelings like that and he wondered; did that mean he had never loved? And then, obviously, Riou didn't want to be with him at all. He paused. "I worry for Kamui," he began carefully, looking down as he thought. "Whenever I talk with you, I can't help but be reminded of myself... and I want to help you, a lot, and get worried when you're not feeling fine... I don't know if it's because I don't have many friends... Frey's a good friend too, but it feels different with him." He brazed himself and continued in a much more confident manner.

"Kamui," Jowy said, staring straight into the other's purple eyes. "Do you think... maybe we can try and see if it'll work?"

A step closer to Jowy was taken, the look on Kamui's face half worried and half confused. Jowy... well, it didn't sound like love to him. Pity was more like it, but... maybe love really was different for everyone? Maybe for Jowy, worrying and wanting to help him was a sign of love? Who knew...

"If... if you're sure you'd be okay with that... trying... then, um... okay?" He smiled a little, shyly. This was new, indeed. "I've never really gone out with someone for real before..." Only abusive, possessive quasi-relationships.

"I've never really gone out with someone for real too but-" Consciously, Jowy planted a kiss on Kamui's forhead before giving the shorter boy a grin. "I'll try my best for you, Kamui, and maybe, I'll learn how love really is."

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Ongoing loooog~

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