(no subject)

[silence-bringer.livejournal.com]

When; May 7, late afternoon/evening.
Rating; PG
Characters; Archer fireismyblood, Tomoe Hotaru silence_bringer
Summary; A reunion of tears, revelations, and remembrance.
Log;

Small feet encased in simple black slippers tapped softly against the buttressed stone of the carved edging that rimmed the rooftops of the Opera Abandoned. Sitting in the ledge of a round opened window, one small hand rested against the edge of the opening, steadying the slight figure that had settled herself into the hole, breeze ruffling cropped black hair against pale skin as violet eyes gazed out over the City. Hotaru was restless, and she wasn't sure exactly why. Not that it mattered much, afterall soon Itachi-niisama would be there to take her back home to the room she kept at his home. She just came here to take care of her cats. Afterall, Itachi-niisama had told her that the abandoned hospital was not the sort of place one would want to bring pets to. And she didn't question what the red-eyed man told her. She didn't have a reason to, did she? He'd taken care of her, watched over her and been there for her when Archer had abandoned her. Biting her bottom lip, the petite girl let her eyes drift down to the framed photo that sat in her lap. Her own face stared up, violet eyes laughing as her smile did, gaze turned slightly up at the smiling face behind her, grey eyes mirthful in a tanned face topped by a shock of white hair, red-clothed arms wrapped snugly around her shoulders. Archer....it didn't matter how many times she tried to make herself hate the man who had left her, who had broken her heart, she just couldn't. The anger was there, as was the betrayal and the hurt, but not hate. Hate just...never seemed strong enough to drown out the other feelings that were still there.


Archer crouched low over the edge of one of the tall buildings in the strange city, committing the landscape below to memory. He was still searching the city for his Master, as well as surveying the area in search of other Servants as well as to get a layout of the area. In a fight knowing your battleground could go a long ways towards victory.


Powerful legs pushed off of the end of the building, propelling him to the next one. His crimson coat trailed behind him, snapping in the wind as he moved through the air. Archer's eyes darted about, constantly on the lookout for some sort of attack. While most Servants needed to be fairly close to launch an attack, not all of them did. Another Archer class servant could attack from a distance. So far though, the man had not encountered even the faintest trace of someone like him.


His ultimate destination was what looked like an old cathedral. Religious grounds often played prominent roles in the Holy Grail War. If he was fortunate, he might even be able to find the moderator of this war. That would almost be too good to be true though. Sprinting lightly, Archer ran towards the edge of the building he was on and jumped off. Just a few more jumps and he would reach the cathedral...


Perhaps it was an old familiarity, or perhaps just something intangible that caused it, but Hotaru's head shot up as a spark of something rocketed through her head. Black hair whirled as she spun, casting eyes upward and across the roof, pushing herself to her feet and leaning away from the ledge, over the vast emptiness of the bustling streets. It wasnt' as though she really cared if she fell or not. Not only could she catch herself with the Saturn power if need be, but it wasn't as though she wasn't already dead. But that didn't matter right now. All that mattered was the spark of a familiar presence and the glimpse of crimson red topped with white that had flashed by the other building. Almost without thought, she scrambled out of the window, thin limbs scrabbling for purchase as she climbed up over the carvings to perch on the slanted buttresses that made up the gothic architecture of the opera house's roof. Craning her eyes for that glimpse of red, she took a deep breath and simply yelled, hoping she was right. "ARCHER!!"


Archer was disappointed as he got closer and realized that the old building was actually not a church. There would be no moderator or Holy Grail here. Still, it would be a good place to survey the city from. The gothic architecture called to him too, as if it understood the solitary feelings he was having.


Stop thinking like that, he told himself. You're starting to sound like tha...


"Archer!"


The name caught him off guard and immediately put him on alert. Kansho and Bakyua immediately formed in his hands as he drew on his magic to form them. The shout had come from the direction of the building he was heading towards. One more jump and the Servant landed on the rooftop, crouching down into a fighter's stance as he slowly strafed the rooftop, keeping his eye out for any would be assailants.


"Who's there?" he called out. "How do you know who I am?"


Had Hotaru had a heartbeat, she was fairly certain it would have lurched to a stop at the familiar vocal tones. She knew that voice, knew it the way she knew her own, knew the voice that belonged to Saturn, to her old self. Swallowing past a lump in her throat, she stepped out from behind one of the carvings that rested along the edge, small feet nimbly picking a path along the ledge that couldn't be more then a few inches wide as though it were an entire sidewalk. It was him. Archer. The girl felt tears well up in her eyes, first of relief and happiness, then shifting to bitterness and hurt. Stopping a few yards from him, her slim black-clothed figure staring up at him, she couldn't help but feel the nostalgia. It was definitely Archer, just as she remembered him. Tall, imposing, that slight almost-scowl on his face. "Archer...."


Archer's eyes narrowed as a slim girl stepped into view. She had dark, short hair and purple eyes. She was dressed in dark clothes as well. Archer thought she could almost be a part of the architecture of the building. The girl looked harmless enough but Archer wasn't about to drop his guard.


"Do I know you?" he asked her, trying not to sound too hopeful. If he did know her... was this where he had come from prior to being summoned by Rin? If so, were there people who could tell him who he had been?


No, that doesn't matter! I'm a Servant!


Violet eyes narrowed slightly. So what she'd heard about those leaving the City was right. They didn't remember what happened to them before. "You don't remember me, do you? It's me. Hotaru. Your last Master. And....someone who was important to you." She knew it was probably a pointless thing, but some part of her cried out for him to remember, for things to go back to the way they once had been. Even though that was silly. Time didn't work that way, afterall she had known the Timekeeper herself, once. And even if they could....she'd always remember the way he'd abandoned her before being taken from the City.


Archer shook his head in disagreement. "My last Master was Rin Tosaka," he corrected her. He wasn't going to say anything about his current Master, or lack there of, though.


Still, this girl obviously knew him, even if she was mistaken about who had been his last Master. And what did she mean about someone who was important to him? Archer didn't know who he was, but he knew what type of person he was. He could hardly see himself hanging out with teenage girls.


"I don't remember anything since my previous summoning," he said. "I have no memories that are more than a few weeks old."


"No, Tohsaka-san was your Master before you came to the City the first time. At least, that's what you told me when you told me about your past." Staring slightly at the ground, she nodded. "It's ok...the City usually makes people forget things when it brings them back, so it's not surprising you don't remember me either...."


"I know what I remember," Archer said, face scowling more as his voice became deeper, more defensive. He didn't have many memories, he would not let this girl take away from him what he did have. Still, she said he had told her about his past... was it all a trap though? What if she was working for another Master? No one would suspect some sort of attack by someone who wasn't a Master or a Servant.


"I don't believe you," he finally said. "I don't know who put you up to this, but you're wrong."


"I'm NOT wrong! You don't even remember, so how can you say I'm wrong? You took care of me, you protected me, you loved me! And then you turned your back on me and abandoned me. You want proof?" Rummaging in her pocket, she pulled out the small frame she'd been holding earlier and held it out to him. "Here. That should be enough proof. Or if you want more, I have a whole book of them." Her face softened slightly for a moment. "You always said you hated posing for them, but you always did it anyway... For me..."


Archer wanted to storm off, but he was never one to back down from battles, even if they weren't necessarily the kind fought with weapons. And she seemed so adamant...


Cautiously, Archer let the weapon in his left hand drop as he reached out to take the picture from her. He had loved her? She was just a girl, she couldn't be any older than Rin! Stepped back away from the girl, out of immediate attack range, Archer looked at the picture.


Seeing yourself posing with someone you don't remember in a picture you don't recall having taken was incredibly unsettling. What she said was true though, he was standing there with her, posing in a picture. And he looked almost happy.


"The people in this picture look... happy," he said, still unwilling to admit this was him. Part of him wanted it to be true, but part of him couldn't accept it.


"We were happy. Even though you didn't like Itachi-niisama and I made you mad and that one time where I was so sick...we were still happy.... I even told you I wouldn't use those spells on my hand, even if I was in trouble....Because...I knew if I used them up, then you'd disappear. And...you wouldn't have been my Archer anymore. You didn't like that much either, you said it was dangerous. But...that even so, it didn't matter b/c you weren't going to leave me so I wouldn't have been in danger...but you left anyway." It hurt, more then she'd expected it to, to see him again. Sitting down on the edge of the roof, she pulled thin legs up to her chest, glancing up at him from beneath dark fringe. "I know what you're thinking, too you know.... You're always so paranoid, Archer." Heaving a sigh, she rolled violet eyes, staring up at the sky. "She's just a kid, why would I have cared about someone who's not even in her teens, how did she make up that picture, what does she really want with me? Right? Well I'm NOT a little kid. Just because I only look 12 or so doesn't mean I am. And I didn't make it up, and I don't HAVE an ulterior motive."


More so than seeing the picture of himself, her uncannily accurate analysis of his thoughts deeply disturbed him. It was entirely possible with a computer to fake a photo, but there was no way she could know him that well unless she truly did know him in that previous life. As much as Archer walked to explore that though, he didn't think he could.


"I've been summoned to fight in the Holy Grail War," Archer said, not knowing what else to say. "When my Master and I win, the War will be over and I'll leave again."


That was really the safest way, he couldn't do anything anyways, because he was just going to leave again. That was really the best thing, wasn't it?


"I'm sorry, but I don't remember anything about you at all," he repeated. Archer looked down at the picture again. "I... I would like to be that happy again though... someday."


She shook her head, staring out over the City. "No you haven't. This isn't your world. There's no Holy Grail War here." A slight chuckle escaped pursed lips. "You didn't believe me about that before, either. You even tried to show me how to be a "proper" Master. I had to order you to call me by my name." Eyes shifting down, she let her vision trace the small figures of people below, feeling the darkness of the Saturn power calling for her. It was so much easier these days to just let go and fall into the blackness, allow it to consume her. She didn't know why, it wasn't as though she was unhappy. But somehow...the happiness seemed...fake, in a way. Artificial, as though it were nothing more then a mask that hid something she couldn't identify. "Ne Archer... I asked you this before and you never wanted to answer me. Kind of like how you never wanted to talk that much about it when I asked about before you were Archer. What would you do if you were here as...just you? Not someone's Servant? If you were free?"


Archer frowned, not liking how this conversation was going at all. It was almost like she was stripping him away bit by bit, crawling inside of his mind. He felt... vulnerable. No matter what weapons he called, what armor he created, he had no defense against this.


"I..." Archer began. He couldn't continue though, because he didn't know the answer. How could he make a choice like that when he didn't know who he was? He didn't even know his name. All the other Servants had one, but he didn't.


"It doesn't matter," he finally said. "I'm a Servant in the Holy Grail War. That is me."


"No. That's part of you. You just didn't like the part of you from before you were Archer. You even hated your old name." Tucking a strand of midnight-dark hair behind one ear, she cocked her head to the side. "And who says it doesn't matter? This isn't your world, Archer. This is the City. You don't just come in and out of it whenever you want to. It's different. Even if your master used all his spells, you might still stay here. As YOU." She bit her lip momentarily, as though deep in thought. "Hope your new master knows how to cook stir-fry the way you like it..."


"You don't get it!" Archer said, his voice suddenly taking on a harsher tone. "There is no other part of me. I don't remember anything of who I am. I don't remember my old name. I don't remember growing up. I don't even remember why I'm fighting in the Holy Grail War."


Archer clenched his fist tighter around the sword he still held, as if it was a lifeline. He held out the picture back to her and dropped it in her lap.


"I don't even remember liking stir-fry. Whatever we were in the past or you think we were in the past it doesn't matter, because that's not me anymore. All I am now is a Servant. Goodbye Miss Hotaru."


Archer turned his back on her and reached down to scoop up his dropped blade. He had a lot of time to make up now.


"Emiya Shirou!" Staring at the back of his coat, the too-familiar sight of him turning his back on her that somehow seemed burned into her mind was nearly unbearable. "That was your name, before you were Archer. Except you hated it, because you hated the person you used to be. You always said he was weak, and foolish. For falling in love... That's why you started fighting in the Holy Grail War." Maybe it wasn't the best idea to just blurt out parts of a past he didn't remember, but...she didn't care. She just wanted him to believe her, to not look at her with nothing but anger in his eyes.


Archer stopped dead in his tracks and slowly turned around, hands going limps as his weapons clattered to the ground. She couldn't have said what she just did. Emiya Shiro? He was Emiya Shiro? That was impossible. The guy was a gutless whimp, unable to do what needed to be done.


"No," he said, his voice low and dangerous. "No... you're lying. Emiya was a stupid, naive kid. I'm not Emiya, do you hear me?"


He took a step closer, reaching out to grab her by the arm, the trembling in his hand betraying and contradicting the conviction in his voice.


"And if it was true, then maybe that's why I forgot. Maybe I wanted to forget being Emiya. He was a fool who thought he could save everyone, who thought he could fight without killing. Maybe I forgot because I didn't want to remember? Either way, it doesn't matter, because I'm not Emiya Shiro anymore, I'm Archer." He grabbed her roughly by the arm. "Do you understand?"


As his hand wrapped around her arm, there was a crackling, a surging of dark snapping electricity that lashed out, slamming into him like a hammerstrike of energy and barely-contained raw power. It struck him with crushing force as her right hand impacted his cheek with a lighter yet perhaps equally stinging force. Staggering back, she stared at him with eyes full of tears. "So that's why you left? Why you abandoned me?! Because you wanted to forget about me?"


The force struck Archer hard, launching him back several feet. It was only by pure instinct that he was able to remain upright. By the same instinct, his swords started to materialize until he consciously willed them to cease forming. The girl may be angry at him but something about her told him that if she had wanted to kill him with that surprise blow, she would have. That would teach him to let down his guard.


More than whatever magic she had attacked him with though, her slap caught him off guard. He reached up to rub his cheek, still feeling the sting of it. There was something more there as well, some sort of magic signature from... a ring on her hand? It was his signature and there was something special about the metal too... And the tears in her eyes, they hurt most of all.


"I don't know," he said softly. "Aren't you listening to me?" Archer reached down and picked the picture up, holding it out before him to look at her.


"Does it look like I want to abandon you? Does it? Did I tell you about this Emiya Shiro at all? He's nothing like me. Can you imagine what I went through that turned me into this? Do you think it was anything good? Look at what I just did to you. I'm making you cry. Do you think that's someone worth remembering?"


Standing with feet apart, shoulders shaking as she stared at him, hands fisted by her side as the tears finally spilled over, sliding down her cheeks as her lower lip quivered. He had....never been rough with her like that, never before. And now... She slid down onto her knees on the ground, taking the picture in shaking hands, gold ring shining softly in response to her own powers' turbulence. Looking up at him, her voice shook as she tried to stop the tears. "I....you told me.....you told me about Saber-san. And....and....about Ilya-chan.....I....I know what happened to you....that you.....you had your heart broken, that....that you.....wanted to...to....to be summoned into the past and....and kill....kill yourself before.....before you....before you could....make the same mistake...again." Hanging her head, fingers curled into fists against the cold stone of the ground, tears splashing onto the concrete. "I...I'm a monster.....someone who destroyed their own world....but still....you....." Looking up at him, tearfilled violet eyes full of too many emotions to name, she continued. "You....you loved me. Me....who everyone hates and fears. And...and I loved you....I'd...never..never had...that before, and I.....It doesn't matter how much it hurts, I'd never give those memories up!"


Archer didn't think he had ever felt so horrible in his life. This is why it was foolish to love people. Hotaru had apparently loved him and this is what it had gotten her. If what she said about his past was true, no wonder he had wanted to go back and kill himself. Looking down at her he could see why he wanted to go back and kill himself, to avoid this kind of pain. Even if that was the truth, he couldn't bring himself to point that out to her.


"I'm sorry Hotaru," he said softly. "But Rin did an incomplete summoning on me. I don't have those memories. Even when you say all these things... it brings back nothing. I died in the Holy Grail War and then came here, and I still don't remember anything. I told you I wished I could be as happy as I am in that picture again someday and I meant it. But I can't. That part of me is gone. All that's left is the Servant."


"Then why did you have them before! You didn't want to talk about it at first, and you always got mad when I mentioned it, but....that night, after....after the first time we.... you told me all of it. So those memories have to be there somewhere, even if you can't find them. They're....a part of who you are..." Wrapping arms around her midsection, she fought back the tears, looking up at him as she stood up. "Archer....even if...even if you never remember me, I...I want you to remember something."


The girl's words stunned Archer more than anything else so far. He had heard Shiro say similar things about other people, about how he wanted their happiness over his own and Archer had mocked him for it. Now though, confronted with this... here Hotaru was crying, explaining how the one person she was loved by had left her and now didn't remember her, and she was wishing that Archer could remember anything about his pervious life.


It frightened Archer more than anything ever had before. How could one person love another that much? Especially him?


"Stop, don't say that," he said. "I don't want to remember being Shiro. I don't want to remember what made me like that. If I have to remember anything I would want it to be loving someone.... someone like you. But I don't remember it Hotaru, I just don't."


Tugging at the ring on her finger, she pulled it off, studying it for a moment before she pulled loose the thin chain around her neck. Threading the gold circle onto it, she stepped hesitantly forward. Leaning up, she stood on tiptoe to press a quick kiss to his lips momentarily before she slipped the chain around his neck. Fastening the clasp, she stepped back, fingertips lingering at the base of his neck for a moment as she whispered in his ear. "Remember two things for me, Archer. First...remember I love you. And second....remember that this place isn't like your world. You can...make your own destiny here, Archer. So that means....you can be happy like that." Stepping back, she bit her lower lip, trying to stop the tears. "Even if....even if....you never...never remember us....."


Archer wanted to run away but his body refused to move as Hotaru stepped closer, quickly kissing his lips before settling the chain with the attached ring around his neck. He couldn't deny that the light touch of her slender fingers on his neck felt good. Her words in his ear threatened to make him tremble and crack a resolve he didn't know he had.


I can't allow this to happen, he told himself, even though he knew some part of him wanted it. He was a Servant, he couldn't have relationships like this. Because if he did... then he would have to discover who he was and he couldn't do that.


"I have to go," he said softly. "Please, I have to go..."


"I.....I know....." She turned her head, either unwilling or unable to meet his gaze, biting her lip so hard a thin trail of blood slid down her chin. She knew, and yet she didn't want him to leave, didn't want him to go.


"I have to return to my Master," he told her. It was the cowards way out, but Archer didn't know what would happen if he stayed. Part of him wanted to find out and part of him was afraid to. He looked down and saw that she was bleeding.


"Now look what you've done," he tsked. He reached up and gently took her chin in his hands. His particular brand of sorcery allowed him to mimic and manipulate objects. If you had a good enough understanding of human chemistry you could even repair tissue. Archer could manipulate the physiology of his own eyes. A bloody lip should pose not problem.


He watched as the cut healed before his eyes and then tenderly ran his thumb along her lips and down her chin, wiping away the blood.


"There, all better."


Hotaru tried hard not to gasp at the feel of his thumb gently sliding across her lips, the touch so familiar and so bittersweet. Swallowing hard, she nodded, stepping back slightly, holding back the tears. At least...he was here. He was here, and he was safe, and....even if she couldn't be with him, she could watch him, love him from afar. She felt her own small fingers tighten around the small frame, shaking with suppressed emotions.


Archer watched as the girl stepped back, fighting to hold back tears. He willed himself to try and recall any memories of this girl, of the feelings he felt for her. All that came back was confusion though, half felt sentiments that made him wonder even if he didn't feel anything for Hotaru now, at least the capacity for it was there.


The Servant pushed those feelings away, half out of reflex and half out of fear. They could never be together, he may not remember who he was, but he knew what type of man he was. Loving someone like that was foolish and naive. Yet, looking at her as she stood like that...


"Take care of yourself Hotaru," he said, the lingering traces of softness leaving his face. "And thank you for telling me who I was. I'm sorry I don't remember."


Archer told himself he was going to turn around and leave casually, that there was nothing to run from here. All the same, he turned away from her and fled the roof a little faster than he intended.


Watching him as he darted off, the girl stood there for a moment as she felt the last vestiges of her resolve crumble into nothingness. Legs finally giving out, she simply sank to the ground, wrapped her arms around herself, and sobbed.