tampered | [log] [ongoing]

When; May 10, Evening
Rating; PG-13
Characters; Jowy [

for_destiny & Freyjadour [

dawn_shower]
Summary; When friends need friends to talk with.
Log;

If you were to ask one of the servants at the L'Renouille palace during the Dunan Reunification War about the last Highland King's drinking habits, they would say that while the young man did indulge in strong drinks, both alcoholic and not, it was rarely that he did so. It was very rarely coffee and strong tea, and if the King asked for such drinks, it usually meant there was something heavy in the young monarch's mind.

This particular evening, Jowy had ordered coffee. Quietly, with a carefully blank face that betrayed very little, he drank his teacup's contents slowly and in intervals as he waited for Freyjadour to arrive. Too many thoughts swirled in his mind. He supposed, he was not being a very good lover right now by instead running to his friend for counsel, but this...

He felt Kamui would be hurt by his thoughts.

It was in his nature to keep things from the people he cared for most. It was, probably, a problem that needs to be addressed, but Jowy would take care of that later. After this.

When Freyjadour arrived, he would greet him normally, Jowy thought. He hadn't seen Frey in a while and it was partially because he had been too preoccupied with Kamui and Lyra, his new family. It wasn't good to be neglecting friends, he knew. Frey was a good friend. Jowy would hate to be estranged with the other teen. Riou was casualty enough.

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It made his skin crawl, to be away from Kyle. It frustrated Frey that he’d become so dependant on the older man’s pressence. Certainly part of it was the effects of giving half his heart to Kyle but he couldn’t blame it completely on that. He was thankful for Jowy’s request to meet.

Partly because it gave him a solid reason to get out somewhere alone but also he was worried about Jowy after browsing through some conversations over the network. In his isolation he’d neglected his companions but he wasn’t going to let this go. A part of him was angry that Kamui would say those things, think those things let alone say them in public. And he had little doubt that Jowy had seen the conversations. He wasn’t any more experienced with relationships than Jowy but if nothing else he would listen.

Weaving around the tables at the café he caught sight of Jowy. Face so carefully neutral that it was clearly a mask, at least to Frey after all Frey himself often did the same thing. He could see the tension in Jowy’s frame the only telltale sign of the tempest of thought that must have been spinning inside.

Frey offered a small smile as he pulled out the chair across from Jowy. “It’s been a while.”

Jowy acknowledged the Falenan prince's arrival with a small smile. It had been a while. They had been dealing with completely different things as of late, and there was little to no chance to talk about anything. "Yeah," Jowy agreed and then continued with a light joke he hoped was appropriate. "I've heard people talk about relationships affecting friendships, but I didn't think it was like this."

Frey offered a small smile in response to the joke, more out of kindness than actual humour. He knew it was good to be able to laugh at a situation, learned that long ago with his father’s loud bold laugh and hard slap against his shoulder. It just wasn’t laughable, he didn’t have the heart to laugh about it. “Yes, I’d never dreamed that I’d literally give part of my heart to someone either,” he could still try though. Even if it was a bit strained the smile was there. It could have been much worse.

"How does it feel, Frey? To share your heart so literally with someone else?" Jowy questioned quietly, not quite willing to talk about his troubles yet.

His lips pressed together tightly, letting his strained smile drop. “It hurts,” he replied, smiling again. His sweet, princely, proper smile. Harmless and for all anyone could tell, perfectly happy. Frey could feel his gut tighten just slightly, the edge feelings of…something. It was harder to place certain feelings sometimes, he knew them, he felt them but they felt strange, uncomfortable and quite simply it hurt.

He closed his eyes, turning away for a moment. He was frustrated, about many things, the point wasn’t to let it out on Jowy. “I haven’t spoken to Kyle about it yet. And I don’t think I’m ready to talk to anyone else about it,” he continued honestly. There was no need to describe how it made his chest ache to be away from Kyle. No need to describe how it made his stomach churn when Kyle was out of sight even right now. No need to explain how it hurt his pride to suddenly be so dependent on someone else. He sighed softly, trying to push those feelings aside.

“How about you? Something’s on your mind as well.”

"I'm sorry I asked."

It hadn't made him feel too remorseful, however, and it bothered him slightly. He told himself to pay more attention before he said something truly hurtful and insensitive.

"I don't know if I'm doing the right thing with Kamui," Jowy began quickly. "About many things."

A glass of ice water had been set down in front of him, the ice bobbing quietly as they spoke. Frey dipped the tip of his finger into it idly, forcing the ice cubes to rattle slightly. He watched it until it settled, taking a moment to re-gather himself, fighting off the sudden wave of tiredness that assaulted him. The point was to be here for Jowy, not let his own issues pull him down. He’d not allow this to handicap him.

“That doesn’t tell me much. Where do you want to begin?” he asked patiently.

Jowy had a feeling that Frey didn't have the patience for this - who knows what kind of effects having half a heart had? Jowy certainly wasn't going to ask anymore of that. He knew though that despite this, Frey had come as a friend for a friend. Jowy was thankful for that. He tried to be more to the point then.

"I'm doubting if it was right of me to... go into this relationship. I don't know if I can love Kamui the way he should be loved--" the way he probably wants to be loved. "Sexually, physically... I don't know if I can match him--" his standards, if he has any... "-I feel- I know I shouldn't but I feel it... I feel jealous sometimes. Possessive. I don't like it but I do feel it." Jealous of his relationship with Fuuma, with Seishirou. Lyra and everyone else say both of them wish to hurt Kamui but every time, he comes to them, one way or another. To talk. To meet.

He wanted to tell Frey all of it, but how much was too much? He took a quick drink from his cup and made a very small sigh. He looked away and then said quietly. "You saw what they said. That man, Seishirou, and the other Kamui. I told myself it was understandable but... would that be creating excuses, Frey?"

“I don’t know…I don’t know if I can give you answers for anything,” Frey murmured with a slight frown. He reached out for Jowy though, laying a comforting hand on top of Jowy’s. “You don’t need to omit anything when you talk to me, say anything you’re comfortable telling me I can listen.” It wasn’t his relationship, he wasn’t sure how much he could say. He considered what Jowy had said and Frey had seen those conversations. They had bothered him, he couldn’t blame Jowy that it bothered him as well.

“There’s nothing wrong with being jealous I think. Or to be unsure of your feelings. I don’t think loving someone is really such an easy thing and you haven’t known Kamui so long. You might fall in love with him eventually, you might now but you have no obligation to either way. You’ve been together about a month, you don’t have to have feelings that will last a lifetime right now. Nor should you feel guilty about caring for him more or less than he cares about you. It’s never equal, it’s okay for it to be that way. What’s important is that you do care. You are in this relationship so just think about how you feel right now. Don’t worry about what you can or can’t feel for him in the future, you’ve only had a month to develop these feelings.”

Frey's words made sense. Even if it didn't completely rid Jowy of the troubling thoughts, it provided some relief. If Frey was fine with it, then he would be honest with Frey. He knew if he didn't, Kamui would be at the receiving end of it, one way or another.

"I know it's not good to feel these feelings. I know if I let these things grow, I might do something I'll regret, but at the same time, I can't keep them from growing. I know, I'll have to talk to Kamui about this but I can't keep him from going to those... people. I don't want to impose myself on him and to forbid him from meeting these people just because I think they could be bad for him or they're... doing things I don't wish for them to. If I do that, I know I'll want more. I don't want to go there. I know where that path leads." He quieted down and the hand underneath Frey's curled into a fist. "Maybe I'm worried for no reason, but I'm- probably - afraid of what I might do."

He couldn't explain it, and perhaps he really was over-estimating himself or assuming too much, but the fear was ever-present.

Frey couldn’t help the tiny, laughing grin. “You know Jowy, I think your reaction is pretty much in the range of normal,” he assured almost teasingly. Schooling his features back to something more serious Frey continued with a gentle smile, “If you weren’t upset by what happened I’d assume you didn’t care about Kamui very much. It’s not a good feeling but I don’t think you need to be afraid of it. It went beyond casual conversation and harmless flirting. “

"It did, didn't it?" Jowy said softly. "But I can't find it in me to blame him... thank you, for listening, Frey."

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