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tampered2007-07-05 05:39 am
red-dragon-666.livejournal.com) wrote in tampered2007-07-05 05:39 am
Log; Complete
When; July 4th [Evening].
Rating; PG-13 [Language].
Characters; Elena [![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lady_turk] and Jr. [red_dragon_666].
Summary; While out walking Alby, Elena decides it's time to discuss where she stands with Jr. and Tseng. Some old wounds are reopened, but probably for the best. Xenosaga III spoilers.
Log;
I am so domesticated. Was Elena's only thought as she walked besides Jr. Or rather she stayed walking at an even pace, while he occasionally ran off to chase after Alby if the dog wandered off too far. It was a cute little thing, Elena did have to admit, but walking a dog, however lax the walking actually was, wasn't something she'd ever seen herself doing. However that didn't mean she minded. It was nice, in a sense, to be doing something so very normal and mundane as walking a dog. Something to think over a bit, but there was a sense of peace to it all.
And peace was something it seemed like Jr. needed. He'd been a bit of ball of tension lately, ever since Gaignun had come back. She didn't want to pry, given that whatever it was that was bothering him was probably linked to the time he'd spent away and to the situation he was in now, but it didn't mean that she didn't want to know. It wasn't quite her place to ask, though she had more of a right to if she so desired to.
The forest was cool, well cooler, than other places with all the shade that the trees provided, but it was still a bit temperate. Just enough so that Elena wasn't inclined to start any major exercising outside, but not as bad if a wet stick heat had been added to everything. So, as it stood, Elena was content to hold her peace and just enjoy the moment while it lasted, or at least until she figured out how to approach the topic on her mind.
Walking Alby was supposed to be something soothing and fun, but in truth it was the only good excuse he could think of to get away from the Durandal without arousing any suspicion or concern. After all, it was pretty abnormal for him to want to be away from Gaignun now that he was finally back.
But he had a decision to make now. Up until this point, he had been doing the math on how many years it would take from who to be able to return Sakura's life to her... After all, she had only been twelve when she had died, and she hadn't even died for a good reason. Her selfless act hadn't saved Albedo.
He had been so excited at the prospect of being able to give Sakura a second chance.
But now... Gaignun was here. Now Jr. had another death to consider. It wasn't like he could bring back both of them, not unless there were tons of people willing to give up chunks of their lives, and...Jr. just couldn't ask such a thing from all of his friends. There were only certain people he could burden with such a request.
Still, even if Rubedo was quiet while he walked, he was pretty careful about not looking glum. As the small white Chihuahua ran off again, he rolled his eyes and sighed before darting off to catch up to him. Then he was quick to stop and turn when he saw the dog marking a tree, and with a helpless grin, the URTV linked his hands behind his head and shrugged.
"I think he wants some privacy for a sec."
“Far be it for us to deny him a bit of privacy then,” Elena smirked, crossing her arms and leaning against a tree besides her. She still hadn't been able to come up with any decent, or even half decent way to approach the matter of Jr.'s unease, but she still didn't want to blurt it out from nowhere.
Sides, wouldn't that make her a bit of a hypocrite? She was always making or asking Jr. to tell her things when she clammed up at the first thing that changed in her life. But that's just what she did. It wasn't like Elena really trusted that many people to begin with, let alone enough to talk to them about personal things.
But it was Jr. she was talking about. She trusted him as much as she did with any of the other Turks. Which was really saying something. And he did deserve to know things, no matter how late or possibly depressing the things might be. It was only fair, right? If she made him talk, she should do the same.
Thinking was such a pain.
Deep inhale and then a slow exhale and try to keep your tone light and caring, not nervous over possibly spilling your guts. “We could use a bit of privacy ourselves. To talk, you know?”
That couldn't be a good sign. His smile faltered for a moment there. "...Oh yeah? Like about what?" His mind worked furiously to figure out what she might want to talk about.
Tseng? Hell he hoped not. At least not if there was any bad news for Rubedo involved. ...Gaignun? That idea made him even more queasy. Which was a worse topic?
"...Maybe...the warm weather?" he tried lamely, grinning again and dropping his arms as Alby ran back to sniff at his shoe. Immediately the red head narrowed his eyes and yanked out a pistol to aim at the dog. "Don't even think about it, pooch."
Alby was smart enough to take that hint, and went over to investigate a bush instead.
Oh yeah. This was going to be painful. Pulling out teeth the old fashioned way would probably cause less stress and pain than this conversation probably would. But she had started it, so she might as well finish it.
Note. Next time Elena thought that thinking and talking were a good idea, she'd make sure to be slightly sloshed beforehand.
“Aside from you scaring your dog with a gun, interesting method by the way, I thought maybe we could talk about… things that have been happening or have happened… Or people that been appearing.”
And here was the hard part. Elena felt her throat close up and tense as she forced the next two names out as levelly as she could. “Like Tseng and Gaignun.”
Damnit. Why did his intuition have to be so good sometimes? Why couldn't this have been one of those times where he sucked at reading people? Like the totally-not-pregnant incident. That was golden.
Still, it wasn't common for Elena to bring up serious topics of conversation. She might have tried to get him to talk before, but for her to bring up one of her own teammates…
...Still. As ugly as the thought of discussing Gaignun was, his curiosity got the better of him...but it also scared him a little, and he made a point of stepping back away from her. The look he gave her as he slid the gun into its holster was pointed and wary, but still trusting to a certain degree.
"...What about Tseng? Is he okay?"
“Tseng's fine,” Elena said evasively. She tried not to tense up her shoulders or clench her arms, but there was the slightest bit of betrayal on her face as she flushed just the slightest bit thinking of her superior.
Though it was probably sending the wrong kind of message across. Mentioning him like this and then blushing when she thought of him… It was like she was trying to break up with Jr., which was the absolute last thing on her mind. But an outright denial wasn't going to help cancel out that message. And a few things were so cliché it hurt to think about saying.
“I just… wanted to try and explain a few things… about my behavior when he arrived. It doesn't change anything now… But I just thought you might like to know and understand the reasons for it.”
That wasn't so bad. Hopefully she wasn't giving off any more 'I'm dumping' you vibes that Jr. might misinterpret.
Even if she was doing her best not to send those vibes, that was all that was going through Rubedo's head all of a sudden. His eyes widened, then narrowed...then turned downward as he clenched his fists.
He wanted to yell at her to not bring up such a thing now of all times! But she looked so...vulnerable. How often did Elena look like that? It made him want to hold her, and there was no way he could tell her to shut the hell up when she was offering up to explain things.
With a shaky sigh, Rubedo folded his arms across his chest and braced himself for the worst, heel digging into the ground as he muttered, "I've already figured out your feelings for each other, if that's what you mean."
Well that was a kick in the gut if anything was. She really needed to be drunk when handling these sorts of things and not letting her brain get the best of her. Elena winced when she saw the look on his face. Like he was expecting to be kicked when everything was going to hell and it was all he could do to fight it. It was one of those looks that made her want to be the one to erase that look, not to be the one to put it on his face.
Still, she was stubborn if nothing else. Dropping her arms, Elena kept her head up as she lightly clenched her fist at her sides. “Yes, but it doesn't mean that I'm thinking of dumping you for him. Or cheating. Or comparing the two of you. Or that I love you any less.”
“I just wanted you to know why I was acting so odd. I was trying to work some things through on my own. I didn't want to belittle yours or my feelings. I wanted to know what I felt. And it's what I still feel.”
And if he still had that defeated look on his face, or if he still thought she was going to break up with him, she was going to go over there and smack the truth into him.
Rubedo, at the very least, had never even suspected Elena of cheating on him. Her integrity was something he would never doubt, no matter what. But for the dumping... It was...an amazing weight off his shoulders when he heard those words out of her mouth.
Or that I love you any less.
I love you.
She had never said those three words in that exact order to him before. Sure, she had implied, and communicated it in her own way, but it was completely different when she said it outright like that. His heart clenched, but it was the kind of pain that was good.
They had been the right words to soothe him, although he was still solemn as he opened his eyes to look at her again. "...And...did you work those things through?"
Sighing and slumping against the tree for support, Elena felt some of the tensions melt away as it seemed that her message had gotten through and that he wasn't quite thinking the worse anymore. Funny how some simple reactions could make her feel so many different things by how and who they were given.
“I did…”
The open-ended question was left for him to pursue if he wanted to, but Elena wasn't so sure that she was ready give the answer, or if he was ready to hear the answer. It wasn't a pretty one, but if he asked, she'd answer.
“There was a lot of thinking and trying to figure out where I stood, but I worked it all out.”
Yet again, Rubedo wanted to move over and hold her, but the topic was still too tense. Still too unstable. She might not have been dumping him, but...their paths could still veer apart, even if they tried to stay together.
For instance, the Turks. When Rubedo saw all of them together, it was like she was back in her own world and untouchable. And it...seemed right for her. He had certainly meant it at the time when he'd told Tseng he intended to bring Elena back to his world with him, but...which path would make her happiest?
Holding his chin up, he did his best to appear as calm as possible. Always a trial for him. "And where do you stand?"
She was doing a lot of breathing lately. Things like this almost made it seem easier to deal with when she was dead and the whole breathing thing sometimes stopped when she wasn't thinking about it. Now it was something constant and it made for sighing a lot easier than it had been before.
Elena wanted to give him a straight and honest answer. She really did. But even after all her thinking, she still didn't know what way she wanted to go. Thinking of giving up one or the other… It wasn't something she liked to dwell upon for long or very often.
“I don't know,” she stated truthfully, thumping her head lightly behind her. The wood was solid and made a slight 'bump' sound, but that was a given. It was a fact no matter where you went. No matter what world you were in.
“Romantically, with you. Professionally, with the others. Where I would go if given a choice? …I don't know. Call me greedy or selfish, but I don't want to have to choose between the two…. I don't want to have to choose. The others are my family, but I don't want to have them at the cost of losing you, nor do I want to have them without you around.”
“I.” Thump. “Don't.” Thump. “Know.” Thump.
Tipping his head to the side, he propped his elbow against the tree just next to him, turning away so that he could furrow his brow and concentrate on what he wanted to say without being distracted by looking at her. "When I first mentioned wanting to take you back to my world...back to the Durandal..."
Ugh, he winced at that. There was no Durandal to take her back to now...but at the time there certainly had been. "...You told me that in your world, you only had a job, three teammates, a boss, and an empty apartment. You said people would miss you, but that they'd get over it. You made it sound like...there wasn't much to leave behind, so I didn't ever think more on it. “
Frowning, he rested his forehead against his arm and shut his eyes. "You didn't mention having a sister...or how close you were to those teammates. I've seen you when you're with 'em. It's pretty obvious to me where you stand... Or...where you should stand. I mean, in the end, I doubt we'll even get a choice. The City'll decide when and where you go, I guess."
“My sister's dead,” Elena stated flatly. She didn't spend the time thinking or wondering where he'd picked up that bit of information. He'd probably learnt it from one of the others. They'd all worked with her sister before Elena. Tseng and Reno especially. She had grieved when she'd learned of the news, but it was so long ago and she hadn't been on the best of terms when they parted ways…
“And the others would get over it. Reno and Rude already dealt with handling the thought of my death before, in our own world. Hell, I even told Reno and Tseng to leave me behind, knowing what the situation was. So they would get over the thought of my truly dying or leaving them. Torture doesn't tend to leave its victims alive after all. For all that you've seen though, it doesn't mean that the job descriptions all that nice and protective. Turks may be close, but we can and will kill people, or each other if the order was given.”
It was one of the hard truths. They all might be willing to risk life and limb for one another, but they wouldn't also hesitate to take one another out if it became necessary. It bred a sort of deranged family unit among the members. Loyal to the mission, loyal to the job and the title, and loyal to one another, with the last carrying the hardest rules and orders to follow.
“So I wasn't lying about any of that. It's the truth. Normalcy, like friends and a love life, takes a flying leap out the window when it comes to us. And screw the City. Even with everything that's happened, I'm not about to let it get to me and give in that easily. I'm not going to sit back and wait for it to make my decisions for me.”
Her arms had once more crossed over her chest and Elena turned her head, unintentionally on the defensive from having to explain her choices and admitting the not so pleasant truth, towards Jr. to see what his reaction would be. “What about you? What do you have waiting for you when you go back?”
Dead? That made Rubedo turned, wide eyed. He'd gotten the information about Elena's sister from Kat when she had been in the City, but he hadn't gotten any details like that.
Slumping back, he listened as Elena continued on about more of the darker parts of her lifestyle, and that made him bite his lip. Having to fight and kill…he understood that. But turning on each other? All that could make him think of was the time Kevin had confused Shion, and she’d nearly…
Honestly, he wasn’t sure what she was even saying. The more she spoke, the more she made it sound like it was a place she needed to get away from and stay away from. Sure, things were dangerous in his world…and it was certainly vaster, but he knew she would at least be safe and trusted with the crew.
“…” He slid down the tree trunk to sit on the ground, draping his arms over his knees. What a fucking loaded question.
“A mission,” he whispered. “A mission I can’t abandon; not for anyone or anything.”
This was the very reason why Elena kept silent about the nature of her job. It was hard to understand and even harder to swallow, but it was the truth. She did find a sort of morbid humor when the people in the City thought she was such a nice person, but wasn’t like she was lying about who she was. It was just how people read things. However, spelling it out…
She wasn’t ashamed and she wasn’t going to paint any pretty pictures, but it didn’t mean she liked the reaction all that information caused in some people. Particularly at the moment, how Jr. was reacting. It wasn’t like she could read his mind to tell what he might have thought about everything. She’d just… have to deal with whatever happened as she dealt with everything.
Though he had whispered it, because there weren’t any other kind of noises around them, Elena was able to pick up on hearing what Jr. had said. It was interesting how she’d said that she’d kill her own teammates if given the order and then hearing the statement that Jr. had a mission he couldn’t give up for anything. There was a sort of humorless irony to it all.
“… I can understand a mission being more important than anything.” Elena had the scars to prove that one. Anyone who could say something like that and mean it would have scars to show as well. Emotionally, mentally, or physically, there would be some change in a person. There weren’t many who could say something as heavy as that. “It’s something to be admired in a person.”
“I wouldn’t make you choose, you know,” Elena stated, more to hear the sound of her own voice than really needing to say the words. She was oddly calm for the heavy topic of conversation. “Ask for details, or if I could do anything maybe, but I wouldn’t make you choose.”
When he realized how childish the way he was sitting was, Rubedo let one knee drop, his heel sliding against the grass as he stretched that leg out. Keeping one elbow propped against the single raised knee, he let his cheek continue resting against his hand while he stared hard at the ground.
"...Before, when I asked you to come with me, it was different at home. In the two years I was gone from here, a lot...changed. You'd probably be bored sometimes...you wouldn't get a lot of space...probably get cabin fever... And when it's not boring as hell, it's stupidly dangerous. But still I..."
Feeling choked up all of a sudden, he turned his head to hide his face in his sleeve. "Now that Gaignun's..."
Elena raised an eyebrow at the mention of cabin fever and a lack of space. Now her curiosity was peeked. What had happened that made him think of those two things initially to warn her about? Those questions and thoughts were pushed to the side though, when Jr. suddenly mentioned Gaignun’s name. Seemed that even his good news had a tendency to turn sour.
Walking over and sitting down beside him so that their shoulders were touching, Elena didn’t speak but she did nudge his shoulder a bit. Just a little to add to the silent saying that she was here to listen. She was mimicking his position; only one of her hands rested lightly on his arm, while the other dangled on top of her upraised knee.
“…”
For the moment, the silence was appreciated as he tried to organize his thoughts. The company was even more appreciated. Whenever Elena touched him, he got weak in the knees, so it was a damned good thing he was already sitting. And it was so much easier to open up when she made him feel giddy.
Shifting on the grass, he kept an eye on Alby in the distance while turning his hand to loosely link their fingers together, as if borrowing her strength.
"When I returned home, it was as if I'd never left. I kept asking everyone about you and Sakura and they all just thought I was crazy...'cept for MOMO. She remembered. But then everything happened too quick for me to want to try to get back here. Ormus fell apart... Man if I'd just known then who was controlling Ormus and all of that..."
Rubedo sighed. He needed to stay on track or it was gonna get confusing, and she didn't need to hear details she didn't understand. It needed to stay simple. Simple. But...none of it was simple. Just thinking on it made him squeeze her hand more tightly.
"I had to... I ended up having to kill Albedo. With U-DO...he created a space time anomaly. I had no choice. But it was like...it was what he wanted. Then after that, a giant gnosis appeared called Abel's Ark, and it absorbed the original Zohar. You know those emulators on the Durandal? It looks kinda like those, but more...intricate. Anyway, after that, there was...almost a whole year where we split up. I would say nothing amazing happened, but there was a huge increase in gnosis attacks all of a sudden, called gnosis terrorism, and it all started again when KOS-MOS was in danger of getting scrapped..."
She understood a lot more given her time spent with everyone and given the, now seemingly, convenient curse that had sent her to Jr.’s world, but there was still a few facts and names that went over Elena’s head. But at least she understood enough to put the pieces together in something that made sense. False leaders, warping things around, things being absorbed and something that seemed like a time of calm, but wasn’t… It still made her head race to understand, but it wasn’t quite like the hamster who’d lost control of the wheel.
And there was something to be thanked for having met KOS-MOS herself so that it made sense why there was any danger of her getting scrapped, but it must not have happened if Elena had met her. Or, there was still more that Jr. needed to tell her that had to do with everything that had happened.
He really had been busy in the time that he’d been back. And she… There was something to be said about overemotional women and the things they thought up when they didn’t have all the facts. But they’d gotten over that and now she could be here to help him finish with the things he was trying to say to help her understand.
Giving his hand a squeeze in return, so small for the hand of a person who’d gone through so much, Elena didn’t know if she needed to say anything or just keep offering her silent support. So she settled for a mix of the two by making a small supportive noise and shifting a bit so that her physical presence was a bit more noticeable than it had been before.
Figuring out where to pick up next was tough. There was a lot that had happened, but only so much he could tell that might make even an ounce of sense. But...maybe if he just kept on talking, then he wouldn't have the time to feel shitty about any of it.
"Well KOS-MOS was recovered and all that, and with her we were able to save the Elsa, which had been...we'll just say a load of trouble. After that, it was one thing after another like normal. We finally get to where we think we need to go, onto the warship Merkabah, but Sellers it turned out...wasn't even the real threat. He was just a flunkie."
Gritting his teeth and frustrated with himself over recalling it and how stupid he had been that whole time, he tipped his head back to thump it against the tree trunk. "It was my dad. The bastard used Gaignun's body to come back, and I guess he'd been doing it for...a fucking...over a year already. I didn't even know! I'm not sure if Gaignun was even aware until it was too late. We tried to get back in time, but by the time we got there, almost everyone on the Durandal was dead. He'd shot Mary, but MOMO was able to heal her. Her and Shelley at least made it out alive...and Sakura's mom and Canaan did, too. He forced the codes out of Mary and Shelley so he could get into the damn Isolation Area. We managed to get there without too much hassle after making sure Mary and Shelley were safe, but Citrine was there."
A pause. "...We had to kill her, too." A deep breath, and he continued. "When we got in there, he'd already made it so we couldn't stop him from keeping the emulators. The Durandal was already being drawn in by Abel's Ark. We had no choice but to evacuate, leaving him with everything he needed, or so he thought, to 'become a god to kill God'. At least that's what he said he wanted to do... In the end, the URTVs were nothing but toys for him to play with. We weren't made to actually kill U-DO, like we thought, but to help him find a way to do it himself. To...conquer his fear, and he feared nothing more than U-DO.”
Well that added a new name to Elena’s personal shit list. A person didn’t mess with the important people in Elena’s life, and that went the same for those she considered friends too, and not invoke her anger at them. If she ever got a chance… Repressing the low growl that was trying to work its way out of her throat, Elena swallowed thickly, and tried to focus on the other things he’d just told her about instead.
To have to kill two of your siblings… That wasn’t something that anyone could do without feeling some sort of regret about it. If they didn’t, then they were either colder than Elena could ever make herself be, or they were the kind of person that she didn’t have any second thoughts about taking out.
Becoming God… There was something to scoff about. What was it with crazy people and wanting to become God anyway?
He’d really… What could she say to this? It didn’t even seem like he was finished yet either, which made Elena swallow her words, or her lack of words, once more. Placing her other hand on top of their linked ones, Elena didn’t quite know what to say. So she just went with the only thing she could think of to say.
“I’m going to kill your father if I ever meet him,” she said as she squeezed his hands within her own.
Not the best, but it was the truth.
Even with the comfort, the words were enough to make him yank his hand away and hunch over. Not out of anger at her, no... More frustration. There was a bitter taste in his mouth as he muttered out, "He's already dead, and he took Gaignun with him."
There was a moment there, where suddenly he couldn't say anything else. There was more to explain, of course. Albedo's sudden appearance as a Testament, the link, and Gaignun choosing to die for the cause...and then Albedo's melding with Rubedo. But still, even with so much left to the story, all he could focus on was Gaignun's death.
Back then, he hadn't had the chance. He'd had to get right back up and continue on with their mission, the knowledge that Albedo was with him his only comfort along the way.
But now that he had to face the gravity of it again...now that he was sitting down, and saying it out loud, with nothing to do but think about it over and over again...all he could do was curl up on himself and burst into tears.
Oh yeah. She was going to find a way to get to that fucking bastard and rip him into little pieces in the most painful way she knew how. And then, only when he was delirious with pain and didn't know if he wasn't already living a hellish nightmare, or being consumed by his own fears, that she'd kill him. Slowly, and dragging out each moment for a long as she could. It didn't matter that he was dead. She'd still find a way.
Hearing him cry... Seeing him like this tore at her heart. She wasn't hurt by his pulling away, but that she didn't know how to help. Words, touch, comfort, or support. Elena was at a lost at what to do, only that she knew that she wanted to do something.
Hesitantly, she stretched and draped her arm over his shoulder, chewing on her bottom lip in hopes that she could offer Jr....offer Rubedo any measure of comfort or sympathy. The distinction between names wasn't much, in her mind, but it was there for the private moments between them. Still at a loss at what to say, or at what to do, or if she was even helping at all, Elena left her arm where it was, as her other hand moved to run gentle fingers through his hair.
If he pushed her away, then she'd wait. If he let her go on, then she would. Whatever it took to help.
Out of reflex, he nearly pulled away, but there was no hiding the tears. He'd opened the damned floodgates, and Elena was one of the few people he could let see them. Still, Rubedo was furious at his own weakness as he turned to seek comfort, flinging his arms around her waist to hide his face against her shirt while he sobbed.
Crying was supposed to be a release...but for him all it did was give him a bad headache and make him feel nauseous afterward. During the actual ordeal, it simply left him feeling childish and alone, even with arms around him.
When the sobs finally eased into softer weeping, he tried to talk again, but was failing massively. Even Alby had managed to curl up at his feet at some point, as if offering his own little bit of comfort.
"Albedo managed t-to show up... He had been brought back as a Testament, and th-that's a...story for some other time, but he...he told me to form the link so that Gaignun...so that Nigredo could move into my body, and Albedo could take him with him to a higher dimension, but stupid Nigredo changed the p-plan!"
His fingers curled in her shirt as he hiccupped lightly, trying to stop from crying already. "N-Nigredo said he wanted to die, be-because he was tired, but...did that bastard think I wasn't?! He said it wasn't g-goodbye, and that we'd see each other again, and forced Albedo into my body. He took over Albedo's body, and let himself go with our st-stupid dad!"
With a heavy breath, the tears finally stopped flowing, but his body was still shaking from the strain of keeping calm. "At least...Albedo and I were finally together again, but he went to sleep after that, and then we had, well...a whole fucking mess that I can't explain to you, but Canaan and Jin died, and KOS-MOS and chaos went missing, and what was left of us, we were entrusted with a mission."
That explained... A lot and more than she had though she would get the explanation to. She just... Well, wishing didn't make things come true and what was done was done. Elena had gotten her answers and he'd gotten his.
Staying like that, Elena kept up the actions of her fingers, more now to help restore a sense of balance and normality than for the action to be taken as a comforting gesture, though there was a comfort in the repetitive and the simple. It also gave her a chance to think, because, regardless of how much she felt about it all, it was still a lot to take in, even second-hand like this.
It was...almost amazing how much he'd gone through in just two years. And he was still in one piece enough to smile and enough to think about other things. He was...really something else. Elena heart seemed to pound in her ears as she her emotions finally caught up with her thoughts.
She'd fallen in love with someone who fought to smile and to live as peaceful a life as he could, even when things were constantly being tossed at him to break him. And even when he cracked, he didn't break. He took on so much, by himself. That was without even going into what it must have been like to be perceived as a child when you were most certainly not one.
But he still had fun and was a child sometimes. It was probably what helped keep him from snapping. Just that little bit of release. Like how each of the Turks had their own method for a quick release. She couldn't relate to everything, didn't think she wanted to, but she could relate to enough. It didn't help make her decision easier though. If anything, it made it harder for Elena to think of being separated from Rubedo. She wanted more than ever to be a support, a partner, for him now.
"You don't have to tell me anymore," Elena tried, in a soft voice, licking her lips to keep from bursting out and squeezing the life out of him in an attempt to make him feel better or forget for the moment. Or maybe it was just for her so that she could feel like she was doing something instead of merely opening old wounds. “There'll be time later. I'm not going anywhere and I'm not leaving you."
Even if nothing could make it all better, her touch and her words made it almost seem like they could. Solid, warm things like that reminded him why he had a world worth fighting for. His friends. His loved ones. The story, well, he hadn't even told half of it. And what of the hardships his friends? They had all undergone their own trials, and some hadn't lived to tell the tale.
It was painful to think about all over again...but he knew he just needed to keep thinking about the future, and not the past. Perhaps that was why the City was able to make him so weak. Sakura, Gaignun...even Albedo was from the past, brought into his present, to make his future confusing. All ready to break him, even if unintentionally.
With a sigh, Rubedo sat back and wiped at his eyes. Headache, for sure, and slightly nauseous...but loved. He knew he had a million blessings to count, and that was one of them.
"Damn right you're not," he only half kidded as he tried to smile again, leaning to give her a quick peck on the lips.
Rating; PG-13 [Language].
Characters; Elena [
lady_turk] and Jr. [red_dragon_666].Summary; While out walking Alby, Elena decides it's time to discuss where she stands with Jr. and Tseng. Some old wounds are reopened, but probably for the best. Xenosaga III spoilers.
Log;
I am so domesticated. Was Elena's only thought as she walked besides Jr. Or rather she stayed walking at an even pace, while he occasionally ran off to chase after Alby if the dog wandered off too far. It was a cute little thing, Elena did have to admit, but walking a dog, however lax the walking actually was, wasn't something she'd ever seen herself doing. However that didn't mean she minded. It was nice, in a sense, to be doing something so very normal and mundane as walking a dog. Something to think over a bit, but there was a sense of peace to it all.
And peace was something it seemed like Jr. needed. He'd been a bit of ball of tension lately, ever since Gaignun had come back. She didn't want to pry, given that whatever it was that was bothering him was probably linked to the time he'd spent away and to the situation he was in now, but it didn't mean that she didn't want to know. It wasn't quite her place to ask, though she had more of a right to if she so desired to.
The forest was cool, well cooler, than other places with all the shade that the trees provided, but it was still a bit temperate. Just enough so that Elena wasn't inclined to start any major exercising outside, but not as bad if a wet stick heat had been added to everything. So, as it stood, Elena was content to hold her peace and just enjoy the moment while it lasted, or at least until she figured out how to approach the topic on her mind.
Walking Alby was supposed to be something soothing and fun, but in truth it was the only good excuse he could think of to get away from the Durandal without arousing any suspicion or concern. After all, it was pretty abnormal for him to want to be away from Gaignun now that he was finally back.
But he had a decision to make now. Up until this point, he had been doing the math on how many years it would take from who to be able to return Sakura's life to her... After all, she had only been twelve when she had died, and she hadn't even died for a good reason. Her selfless act hadn't saved Albedo.
He had been so excited at the prospect of being able to give Sakura a second chance.
But now... Gaignun was here. Now Jr. had another death to consider. It wasn't like he could bring back both of them, not unless there were tons of people willing to give up chunks of their lives, and...Jr. just couldn't ask such a thing from all of his friends. There were only certain people he could burden with such a request.
Still, even if Rubedo was quiet while he walked, he was pretty careful about not looking glum. As the small white Chihuahua ran off again, he rolled his eyes and sighed before darting off to catch up to him. Then he was quick to stop and turn when he saw the dog marking a tree, and with a helpless grin, the URTV linked his hands behind his head and shrugged.
"I think he wants some privacy for a sec."
“Far be it for us to deny him a bit of privacy then,” Elena smirked, crossing her arms and leaning against a tree besides her. She still hadn't been able to come up with any decent, or even half decent way to approach the matter of Jr.'s unease, but she still didn't want to blurt it out from nowhere.
Sides, wouldn't that make her a bit of a hypocrite? She was always making or asking Jr. to tell her things when she clammed up at the first thing that changed in her life. But that's just what she did. It wasn't like Elena really trusted that many people to begin with, let alone enough to talk to them about personal things.
But it was Jr. she was talking about. She trusted him as much as she did with any of the other Turks. Which was really saying something. And he did deserve to know things, no matter how late or possibly depressing the things might be. It was only fair, right? If she made him talk, she should do the same.
Thinking was such a pain.
Deep inhale and then a slow exhale and try to keep your tone light and caring, not nervous over possibly spilling your guts. “We could use a bit of privacy ourselves. To talk, you know?”
That couldn't be a good sign. His smile faltered for a moment there. "...Oh yeah? Like about what?" His mind worked furiously to figure out what she might want to talk about.
Tseng? Hell he hoped not. At least not if there was any bad news for Rubedo involved. ...Gaignun? That idea made him even more queasy. Which was a worse topic?
"...Maybe...the warm weather?" he tried lamely, grinning again and dropping his arms as Alby ran back to sniff at his shoe. Immediately the red head narrowed his eyes and yanked out a pistol to aim at the dog. "Don't even think about it, pooch."
Alby was smart enough to take that hint, and went over to investigate a bush instead.
Oh yeah. This was going to be painful. Pulling out teeth the old fashioned way would probably cause less stress and pain than this conversation probably would. But she had started it, so she might as well finish it.
Note. Next time Elena thought that thinking and talking were a good idea, she'd make sure to be slightly sloshed beforehand.
“Aside from you scaring your dog with a gun, interesting method by the way, I thought maybe we could talk about… things that have been happening or have happened… Or people that been appearing.”
And here was the hard part. Elena felt her throat close up and tense as she forced the next two names out as levelly as she could. “Like Tseng and Gaignun.”
Damnit. Why did his intuition have to be so good sometimes? Why couldn't this have been one of those times where he sucked at reading people? Like the totally-not-pregnant incident. That was golden.
Still, it wasn't common for Elena to bring up serious topics of conversation. She might have tried to get him to talk before, but for her to bring up one of her own teammates…
...Still. As ugly as the thought of discussing Gaignun was, his curiosity got the better of him...but it also scared him a little, and he made a point of stepping back away from her. The look he gave her as he slid the gun into its holster was pointed and wary, but still trusting to a certain degree.
"...What about Tseng? Is he okay?"
“Tseng's fine,” Elena said evasively. She tried not to tense up her shoulders or clench her arms, but there was the slightest bit of betrayal on her face as she flushed just the slightest bit thinking of her superior.
Though it was probably sending the wrong kind of message across. Mentioning him like this and then blushing when she thought of him… It was like she was trying to break up with Jr., which was the absolute last thing on her mind. But an outright denial wasn't going to help cancel out that message. And a few things were so cliché it hurt to think about saying.
“I just… wanted to try and explain a few things… about my behavior when he arrived. It doesn't change anything now… But I just thought you might like to know and understand the reasons for it.”
That wasn't so bad. Hopefully she wasn't giving off any more 'I'm dumping' you vibes that Jr. might misinterpret.
Even if she was doing her best not to send those vibes, that was all that was going through Rubedo's head all of a sudden. His eyes widened, then narrowed...then turned downward as he clenched his fists.
He wanted to yell at her to not bring up such a thing now of all times! But she looked so...vulnerable. How often did Elena look like that? It made him want to hold her, and there was no way he could tell her to shut the hell up when she was offering up to explain things.
With a shaky sigh, Rubedo folded his arms across his chest and braced himself for the worst, heel digging into the ground as he muttered, "I've already figured out your feelings for each other, if that's what you mean."
Well that was a kick in the gut if anything was. She really needed to be drunk when handling these sorts of things and not letting her brain get the best of her. Elena winced when she saw the look on his face. Like he was expecting to be kicked when everything was going to hell and it was all he could do to fight it. It was one of those looks that made her want to be the one to erase that look, not to be the one to put it on his face.
Still, she was stubborn if nothing else. Dropping her arms, Elena kept her head up as she lightly clenched her fist at her sides. “Yes, but it doesn't mean that I'm thinking of dumping you for him. Or cheating. Or comparing the two of you. Or that I love you any less.”
“I just wanted you to know why I was acting so odd. I was trying to work some things through on my own. I didn't want to belittle yours or my feelings. I wanted to know what I felt. And it's what I still feel.”
And if he still had that defeated look on his face, or if he still thought she was going to break up with him, she was going to go over there and smack the truth into him.
Rubedo, at the very least, had never even suspected Elena of cheating on him. Her integrity was something he would never doubt, no matter what. But for the dumping... It was...an amazing weight off his shoulders when he heard those words out of her mouth.
Or that I love you any less.
I love you.
She had never said those three words in that exact order to him before. Sure, she had implied, and communicated it in her own way, but it was completely different when she said it outright like that. His heart clenched, but it was the kind of pain that was good.
They had been the right words to soothe him, although he was still solemn as he opened his eyes to look at her again. "...And...did you work those things through?"
Sighing and slumping against the tree for support, Elena felt some of the tensions melt away as it seemed that her message had gotten through and that he wasn't quite thinking the worse anymore. Funny how some simple reactions could make her feel so many different things by how and who they were given.
“I did…”
The open-ended question was left for him to pursue if he wanted to, but Elena wasn't so sure that she was ready give the answer, or if he was ready to hear the answer. It wasn't a pretty one, but if he asked, she'd answer.
“There was a lot of thinking and trying to figure out where I stood, but I worked it all out.”
Yet again, Rubedo wanted to move over and hold her, but the topic was still too tense. Still too unstable. She might not have been dumping him, but...their paths could still veer apart, even if they tried to stay together.
For instance, the Turks. When Rubedo saw all of them together, it was like she was back in her own world and untouchable. And it...seemed right for her. He had certainly meant it at the time when he'd told Tseng he intended to bring Elena back to his world with him, but...which path would make her happiest?
Holding his chin up, he did his best to appear as calm as possible. Always a trial for him. "And where do you stand?"
She was doing a lot of breathing lately. Things like this almost made it seem easier to deal with when she was dead and the whole breathing thing sometimes stopped when she wasn't thinking about it. Now it was something constant and it made for sighing a lot easier than it had been before.
Elena wanted to give him a straight and honest answer. She really did. But even after all her thinking, she still didn't know what way she wanted to go. Thinking of giving up one or the other… It wasn't something she liked to dwell upon for long or very often.
“I don't know,” she stated truthfully, thumping her head lightly behind her. The wood was solid and made a slight 'bump' sound, but that was a given. It was a fact no matter where you went. No matter what world you were in.
“Romantically, with you. Professionally, with the others. Where I would go if given a choice? …I don't know. Call me greedy or selfish, but I don't want to have to choose between the two…. I don't want to have to choose. The others are my family, but I don't want to have them at the cost of losing you, nor do I want to have them without you around.”
“I.” Thump. “Don't.” Thump. “Know.” Thump.
Tipping his head to the side, he propped his elbow against the tree just next to him, turning away so that he could furrow his brow and concentrate on what he wanted to say without being distracted by looking at her. "When I first mentioned wanting to take you back to my world...back to the Durandal..."
Ugh, he winced at that. There was no Durandal to take her back to now...but at the time there certainly had been. "...You told me that in your world, you only had a job, three teammates, a boss, and an empty apartment. You said people would miss you, but that they'd get over it. You made it sound like...there wasn't much to leave behind, so I didn't ever think more on it. “
Frowning, he rested his forehead against his arm and shut his eyes. "You didn't mention having a sister...or how close you were to those teammates. I've seen you when you're with 'em. It's pretty obvious to me where you stand... Or...where you should stand. I mean, in the end, I doubt we'll even get a choice. The City'll decide when and where you go, I guess."
“My sister's dead,” Elena stated flatly. She didn't spend the time thinking or wondering where he'd picked up that bit of information. He'd probably learnt it from one of the others. They'd all worked with her sister before Elena. Tseng and Reno especially. She had grieved when she'd learned of the news, but it was so long ago and she hadn't been on the best of terms when they parted ways…
“And the others would get over it. Reno and Rude already dealt with handling the thought of my death before, in our own world. Hell, I even told Reno and Tseng to leave me behind, knowing what the situation was. So they would get over the thought of my truly dying or leaving them. Torture doesn't tend to leave its victims alive after all. For all that you've seen though, it doesn't mean that the job descriptions all that nice and protective. Turks may be close, but we can and will kill people, or each other if the order was given.”
It was one of the hard truths. They all might be willing to risk life and limb for one another, but they wouldn't also hesitate to take one another out if it became necessary. It bred a sort of deranged family unit among the members. Loyal to the mission, loyal to the job and the title, and loyal to one another, with the last carrying the hardest rules and orders to follow.
“So I wasn't lying about any of that. It's the truth. Normalcy, like friends and a love life, takes a flying leap out the window when it comes to us. And screw the City. Even with everything that's happened, I'm not about to let it get to me and give in that easily. I'm not going to sit back and wait for it to make my decisions for me.”
Her arms had once more crossed over her chest and Elena turned her head, unintentionally on the defensive from having to explain her choices and admitting the not so pleasant truth, towards Jr. to see what his reaction would be. “What about you? What do you have waiting for you when you go back?”
Dead? That made Rubedo turned, wide eyed. He'd gotten the information about Elena's sister from Kat when she had been in the City, but he hadn't gotten any details like that.
Slumping back, he listened as Elena continued on about more of the darker parts of her lifestyle, and that made him bite his lip. Having to fight and kill…he understood that. But turning on each other? All that could make him think of was the time Kevin had confused Shion, and she’d nearly…
Honestly, he wasn’t sure what she was even saying. The more she spoke, the more she made it sound like it was a place she needed to get away from and stay away from. Sure, things were dangerous in his world…and it was certainly vaster, but he knew she would at least be safe and trusted with the crew.
“…” He slid down the tree trunk to sit on the ground, draping his arms over his knees. What a fucking loaded question.
“A mission,” he whispered. “A mission I can’t abandon; not for anyone or anything.”
This was the very reason why Elena kept silent about the nature of her job. It was hard to understand and even harder to swallow, but it was the truth. She did find a sort of morbid humor when the people in the City thought she was such a nice person, but wasn’t like she was lying about who she was. It was just how people read things. However, spelling it out…
She wasn’t ashamed and she wasn’t going to paint any pretty pictures, but it didn’t mean she liked the reaction all that information caused in some people. Particularly at the moment, how Jr. was reacting. It wasn’t like she could read his mind to tell what he might have thought about everything. She’d just… have to deal with whatever happened as she dealt with everything.
Though he had whispered it, because there weren’t any other kind of noises around them, Elena was able to pick up on hearing what Jr. had said. It was interesting how she’d said that she’d kill her own teammates if given the order and then hearing the statement that Jr. had a mission he couldn’t give up for anything. There was a sort of humorless irony to it all.
“… I can understand a mission being more important than anything.” Elena had the scars to prove that one. Anyone who could say something like that and mean it would have scars to show as well. Emotionally, mentally, or physically, there would be some change in a person. There weren’t many who could say something as heavy as that. “It’s something to be admired in a person.”
“I wouldn’t make you choose, you know,” Elena stated, more to hear the sound of her own voice than really needing to say the words. She was oddly calm for the heavy topic of conversation. “Ask for details, or if I could do anything maybe, but I wouldn’t make you choose.”
When he realized how childish the way he was sitting was, Rubedo let one knee drop, his heel sliding against the grass as he stretched that leg out. Keeping one elbow propped against the single raised knee, he let his cheek continue resting against his hand while he stared hard at the ground.
"...Before, when I asked you to come with me, it was different at home. In the two years I was gone from here, a lot...changed. You'd probably be bored sometimes...you wouldn't get a lot of space...probably get cabin fever... And when it's not boring as hell, it's stupidly dangerous. But still I..."
Feeling choked up all of a sudden, he turned his head to hide his face in his sleeve. "Now that Gaignun's..."
Elena raised an eyebrow at the mention of cabin fever and a lack of space. Now her curiosity was peeked. What had happened that made him think of those two things initially to warn her about? Those questions and thoughts were pushed to the side though, when Jr. suddenly mentioned Gaignun’s name. Seemed that even his good news had a tendency to turn sour.
Walking over and sitting down beside him so that their shoulders were touching, Elena didn’t speak but she did nudge his shoulder a bit. Just a little to add to the silent saying that she was here to listen. She was mimicking his position; only one of her hands rested lightly on his arm, while the other dangled on top of her upraised knee.
“…”
For the moment, the silence was appreciated as he tried to organize his thoughts. The company was even more appreciated. Whenever Elena touched him, he got weak in the knees, so it was a damned good thing he was already sitting. And it was so much easier to open up when she made him feel giddy.
Shifting on the grass, he kept an eye on Alby in the distance while turning his hand to loosely link their fingers together, as if borrowing her strength.
"When I returned home, it was as if I'd never left. I kept asking everyone about you and Sakura and they all just thought I was crazy...'cept for MOMO. She remembered. But then everything happened too quick for me to want to try to get back here. Ormus fell apart... Man if I'd just known then who was controlling Ormus and all of that..."
Rubedo sighed. He needed to stay on track or it was gonna get confusing, and she didn't need to hear details she didn't understand. It needed to stay simple. Simple. But...none of it was simple. Just thinking on it made him squeeze her hand more tightly.
"I had to... I ended up having to kill Albedo. With U-DO...he created a space time anomaly. I had no choice. But it was like...it was what he wanted. Then after that, a giant gnosis appeared called Abel's Ark, and it absorbed the original Zohar. You know those emulators on the Durandal? It looks kinda like those, but more...intricate. Anyway, after that, there was...almost a whole year where we split up. I would say nothing amazing happened, but there was a huge increase in gnosis attacks all of a sudden, called gnosis terrorism, and it all started again when KOS-MOS was in danger of getting scrapped..."
She understood a lot more given her time spent with everyone and given the, now seemingly, convenient curse that had sent her to Jr.’s world, but there was still a few facts and names that went over Elena’s head. But at least she understood enough to put the pieces together in something that made sense. False leaders, warping things around, things being absorbed and something that seemed like a time of calm, but wasn’t… It still made her head race to understand, but it wasn’t quite like the hamster who’d lost control of the wheel.
And there was something to be thanked for having met KOS-MOS herself so that it made sense why there was any danger of her getting scrapped, but it must not have happened if Elena had met her. Or, there was still more that Jr. needed to tell her that had to do with everything that had happened.
He really had been busy in the time that he’d been back. And she… There was something to be said about overemotional women and the things they thought up when they didn’t have all the facts. But they’d gotten over that and now she could be here to help him finish with the things he was trying to say to help her understand.
Giving his hand a squeeze in return, so small for the hand of a person who’d gone through so much, Elena didn’t know if she needed to say anything or just keep offering her silent support. So she settled for a mix of the two by making a small supportive noise and shifting a bit so that her physical presence was a bit more noticeable than it had been before.
Figuring out where to pick up next was tough. There was a lot that had happened, but only so much he could tell that might make even an ounce of sense. But...maybe if he just kept on talking, then he wouldn't have the time to feel shitty about any of it.
"Well KOS-MOS was recovered and all that, and with her we were able to save the Elsa, which had been...we'll just say a load of trouble. After that, it was one thing after another like normal. We finally get to where we think we need to go, onto the warship Merkabah, but Sellers it turned out...wasn't even the real threat. He was just a flunkie."
Gritting his teeth and frustrated with himself over recalling it and how stupid he had been that whole time, he tipped his head back to thump it against the tree trunk. "It was my dad. The bastard used Gaignun's body to come back, and I guess he'd been doing it for...a fucking...over a year already. I didn't even know! I'm not sure if Gaignun was even aware until it was too late. We tried to get back in time, but by the time we got there, almost everyone on the Durandal was dead. He'd shot Mary, but MOMO was able to heal her. Her and Shelley at least made it out alive...and Sakura's mom and Canaan did, too. He forced the codes out of Mary and Shelley so he could get into the damn Isolation Area. We managed to get there without too much hassle after making sure Mary and Shelley were safe, but Citrine was there."
A pause. "...We had to kill her, too." A deep breath, and he continued. "When we got in there, he'd already made it so we couldn't stop him from keeping the emulators. The Durandal was already being drawn in by Abel's Ark. We had no choice but to evacuate, leaving him with everything he needed, or so he thought, to 'become a god to kill God'. At least that's what he said he wanted to do... In the end, the URTVs were nothing but toys for him to play with. We weren't made to actually kill U-DO, like we thought, but to help him find a way to do it himself. To...conquer his fear, and he feared nothing more than U-DO.”
Well that added a new name to Elena’s personal shit list. A person didn’t mess with the important people in Elena’s life, and that went the same for those she considered friends too, and not invoke her anger at them. If she ever got a chance… Repressing the low growl that was trying to work its way out of her throat, Elena swallowed thickly, and tried to focus on the other things he’d just told her about instead.
To have to kill two of your siblings… That wasn’t something that anyone could do without feeling some sort of regret about it. If they didn’t, then they were either colder than Elena could ever make herself be, or they were the kind of person that she didn’t have any second thoughts about taking out.
Becoming God… There was something to scoff about. What was it with crazy people and wanting to become God anyway?
He’d really… What could she say to this? It didn’t even seem like he was finished yet either, which made Elena swallow her words, or her lack of words, once more. Placing her other hand on top of their linked ones, Elena didn’t quite know what to say. So she just went with the only thing she could think of to say.
“I’m going to kill your father if I ever meet him,” she said as she squeezed his hands within her own.
Not the best, but it was the truth.
Even with the comfort, the words were enough to make him yank his hand away and hunch over. Not out of anger at her, no... More frustration. There was a bitter taste in his mouth as he muttered out, "He's already dead, and he took Gaignun with him."
There was a moment there, where suddenly he couldn't say anything else. There was more to explain, of course. Albedo's sudden appearance as a Testament, the link, and Gaignun choosing to die for the cause...and then Albedo's melding with Rubedo. But still, even with so much left to the story, all he could focus on was Gaignun's death.
Back then, he hadn't had the chance. He'd had to get right back up and continue on with their mission, the knowledge that Albedo was with him his only comfort along the way.
But now that he had to face the gravity of it again...now that he was sitting down, and saying it out loud, with nothing to do but think about it over and over again...all he could do was curl up on himself and burst into tears.
Oh yeah. She was going to find a way to get to that fucking bastard and rip him into little pieces in the most painful way she knew how. And then, only when he was delirious with pain and didn't know if he wasn't already living a hellish nightmare, or being consumed by his own fears, that she'd kill him. Slowly, and dragging out each moment for a long as she could. It didn't matter that he was dead. She'd still find a way.
Hearing him cry... Seeing him like this tore at her heart. She wasn't hurt by his pulling away, but that she didn't know how to help. Words, touch, comfort, or support. Elena was at a lost at what to do, only that she knew that she wanted to do something.
Hesitantly, she stretched and draped her arm over his shoulder, chewing on her bottom lip in hopes that she could offer Jr....offer Rubedo any measure of comfort or sympathy. The distinction between names wasn't much, in her mind, but it was there for the private moments between them. Still at a loss at what to say, or at what to do, or if she was even helping at all, Elena left her arm where it was, as her other hand moved to run gentle fingers through his hair.
If he pushed her away, then she'd wait. If he let her go on, then she would. Whatever it took to help.
Out of reflex, he nearly pulled away, but there was no hiding the tears. He'd opened the damned floodgates, and Elena was one of the few people he could let see them. Still, Rubedo was furious at his own weakness as he turned to seek comfort, flinging his arms around her waist to hide his face against her shirt while he sobbed.
Crying was supposed to be a release...but for him all it did was give him a bad headache and make him feel nauseous afterward. During the actual ordeal, it simply left him feeling childish and alone, even with arms around him.
When the sobs finally eased into softer weeping, he tried to talk again, but was failing massively. Even Alby had managed to curl up at his feet at some point, as if offering his own little bit of comfort.
"Albedo managed t-to show up... He had been brought back as a Testament, and th-that's a...story for some other time, but he...he told me to form the link so that Gaignun...so that Nigredo could move into my body, and Albedo could take him with him to a higher dimension, but stupid Nigredo changed the p-plan!"
His fingers curled in her shirt as he hiccupped lightly, trying to stop from crying already. "N-Nigredo said he wanted to die, be-because he was tired, but...did that bastard think I wasn't?! He said it wasn't g-goodbye, and that we'd see each other again, and forced Albedo into my body. He took over Albedo's body, and let himself go with our st-stupid dad!"
With a heavy breath, the tears finally stopped flowing, but his body was still shaking from the strain of keeping calm. "At least...Albedo and I were finally together again, but he went to sleep after that, and then we had, well...a whole fucking mess that I can't explain to you, but Canaan and Jin died, and KOS-MOS and chaos went missing, and what was left of us, we were entrusted with a mission."
That explained... A lot and more than she had though she would get the explanation to. She just... Well, wishing didn't make things come true and what was done was done. Elena had gotten her answers and he'd gotten his.
Staying like that, Elena kept up the actions of her fingers, more now to help restore a sense of balance and normality than for the action to be taken as a comforting gesture, though there was a comfort in the repetitive and the simple. It also gave her a chance to think, because, regardless of how much she felt about it all, it was still a lot to take in, even second-hand like this.
It was...almost amazing how much he'd gone through in just two years. And he was still in one piece enough to smile and enough to think about other things. He was...really something else. Elena heart seemed to pound in her ears as she her emotions finally caught up with her thoughts.
She'd fallen in love with someone who fought to smile and to live as peaceful a life as he could, even when things were constantly being tossed at him to break him. And even when he cracked, he didn't break. He took on so much, by himself. That was without even going into what it must have been like to be perceived as a child when you were most certainly not one.
But he still had fun and was a child sometimes. It was probably what helped keep him from snapping. Just that little bit of release. Like how each of the Turks had their own method for a quick release. She couldn't relate to everything, didn't think she wanted to, but she could relate to enough. It didn't help make her decision easier though. If anything, it made it harder for Elena to think of being separated from Rubedo. She wanted more than ever to be a support, a partner, for him now.
"You don't have to tell me anymore," Elena tried, in a soft voice, licking her lips to keep from bursting out and squeezing the life out of him in an attempt to make him feel better or forget for the moment. Or maybe it was just for her so that she could feel like she was doing something instead of merely opening old wounds. “There'll be time later. I'm not going anywhere and I'm not leaving you."
Even if nothing could make it all better, her touch and her words made it almost seem like they could. Solid, warm things like that reminded him why he had a world worth fighting for. His friends. His loved ones. The story, well, he hadn't even told half of it. And what of the hardships his friends? They had all undergone their own trials, and some hadn't lived to tell the tale.
It was painful to think about all over again...but he knew he just needed to keep thinking about the future, and not the past. Perhaps that was why the City was able to make him so weak. Sakura, Gaignun...even Albedo was from the past, brought into his present, to make his future confusing. All ready to break him, even if unintentionally.
With a sigh, Rubedo sat back and wiped at his eyes. Headache, for sure, and slightly nauseous...but loved. He knew he had a million blessings to count, and that was one of them.
"Damn right you're not," he only half kidded as he tried to smile again, leaning to give her a quick peck on the lips.