tampered | Log: Ongoing

Current Mood: drunk
Current Location: Sands' Apartment

Log: Ongoing

When; Evening during the sounds curse.
Rating; R, most likely (language and drug use. ask your parents!)
Characters; Jack Sparrow and Sands
Summary; Sands promised Jack candy for being such a kind soul. Jack comes to collect.
Log;

Jack had planned to hide away on his ship until the sounds finally passed, but the ticking isn't much better. When the warm and drunken company of Rangiku has left him, Captain Sparrow decides to make the walk to the apartment next door (which is a longer trip, with the dock and the shore line, than most make from their bedroom to their front door.)

He carries two, large bottles of rum from his new-found stash of the liquor and has to tuck one under an arm to knock at the door of number fourteen. Jack sways a bi in the hall, as he's been drinking for a few long hours already. He really has no clue how late it is, just that there was an invitation made at some point.

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The pirate pouts miserably with no audience to even appreciate the puppy-dog eyes. Not that it would be particularly effective on Sands, anyway. Still! His liquor has been stolen and he got hit. This seems unfair.
"Ow! What's the bloody hitting about?"

Oh...right. He makes a slightly disgusted face and shrugs. He'd hit himself for that, too. Fair enough.

"It wasn't something I wanted to do..well, it was...but at the moment and not now...not before, either. Was one of those bloody curses, mate! I'll not be held responsible for my actions...." He snatches at the bottle, his hands slipping around it a few times before he's able to win it back. "It's not a thing I care to repeat, that's for certain."

"This was the infamous 'please put your dick in my ass' curse?"
Sands is irritated but he's having a hard time holding on to it with all the calming drugs in his system. Now it's mostly for show.
And he didn't even bother to correct who's penis was inside who.
"Godamnit. You were the catcher weren't you? I'm so through with you."

He, however, makes no move to force Jack out of his lap or apartment.
"I hope you're also fucking plenty of beautiful women. Just for my own sake. I have to get my kicks through you, you know."

Somehow 'there were restraints involved' doesn't seem like it would put a better spin on this whole ordeal or like it would work as a viable explanation for his role in it... So Jack keeps that to himself.

"Oh, aren't you so very clever..." Jack pokes at Sands' chest...and then struggles to stop from rolling off of the man's lap and onto the floor. "whoah... If you must know, it was some terrible sort of love spell... wretched bloody day, really. ... It stopped bothering me when I found it bothers him more. ..."
Mention of positions just isn't coming up on Jack's end. Not without some prying.

"Oh, I've got a number of lovely young girls in the city. Marvelous things. Several on my crew, as well... Not a one of them knows her way about a ship, but they are a beauteous crew."

Sands grabs a fist full of Jack's shirt to help him keep from falling. But there was real hesitation there as he debated with himself on if he wanted the pirate to kiss the tiled floor or not. Not because of any homosexual activities but for the sheer funny of it.
"They should name that act after a highly decorated Naval officer."

"I don't really want to hear details but I'm very happy for you."
He doesn't sound it. The closest thing Sheldon has to a girlfriend is Jan. Not that he wants one. It just doesn't stop him from feeling sorry for himself as he's thinking about how glad he is about the lack of women in his life at the same time. He's a complicated man.

Jack couldn't agree more on the navy deserving rights to buggery as their domain, and he begins mentally working over a list of names who he feels entitled to being the new namesake due to one offense against the pirate or another. He'd share all of this with Sands, but it's difficult to stop laughing.
"...Norrington would qualify, if not for the unfortunate mess of losing his title and post. Few things are named for ex-Commodores."
And he laughs again.

Jack would be more than happy to share details. He'd even tell how Larx left him chained in his quarters, because he finds it more funny than embarrassing. Ah well. He doesn't have any desire for a 'girlfriend' either. He just knows the company stops the ticking and the fucking is a superb distraction from thinking and feeling and remembering where he is.

"S'another fine reason I need free of this damned place and soon... I'll no doubt run out of girls in this place before long."
So far there haven't been problems, but most women tend to get sick of Jack professing his adoration for them and then fucking someone else pretty quickly.

"How did that happen anyway? He seems so.. straight." Norrington mentioned to him already to stop calling him Captain because it wasn't proper and that surprised Sands. He can't imagine the guy being thrown out of anything. He's career military all the way.
"Did he use the wrong shade of hanky at someones coming out ball?"

"Even with my eyes I never got laid that often. What are you doing to these women?
... You don't even smell good."
Sands is lacking when it came to charm, unlike Jack. Also there was the fact he never tried to get laid as often as the pirate. He never had to work hard when he did get lonely. But that fact has escaped him all his life.

"Hmmm? Oh... the commodore's loss of post? Afraid that may be my doing, actually. Well...he blames me for it, anyway." Jack doesn't feel guilty or very responsible for it, but he's rarely felt responsible for much of anything.
"The man thought it wise to try and capture me... it's been the downfall of better men than he."
This isn't entirely true. He's been pursued by many a decent sailor, but never as fiercely or as far. He was lucky for the timing of a hurricane and for having the faster ship when that storm struck. Really, Jack would respect the man, were it not for the reoccurring attempts at his arrest.

Jack chuckles at learning his identical twin doesn't have his luck with girls. Clearly, this speaks volumes for the pirate's skills.
"I smell decent enough..." Not really.. "Women are like anything else in life, mate... If you want it, you only need pursue and she will be yours. I offer them possibilities... Make them wonder if they want me or I've merely convinced them of the fact... Oh, and if you're in real trouble, tell them they're 'the most lovely woman in all the world' and that you've fallen 'deeply and instantly in love.'" He smiles wickedly and closes his eyes. "Tha' works most of the time..."

"How is setting out to capture you the reason for his dishonorable discharge? I'd think that would be part of his job. Were you fucking a higher up as well to pull that one off?"

"You smell like if I showed you a bar of soap you would ask me what it was."
Sands listens to Jack's methods of attracting the opposite sex with a cock eyed look on his face. That's how he does it? When the man is finished he bursts out laughing.
"Oh! I see. You could have just made it short and sweet and told me 'Sheldon, my friend, I am an expert and finding the women whoes I.Q matched their shoe size and whoes cavernous pussy has housed all the cock that's come across them since age 12. And then I go about doing to them, with false charm, what I could have just paid for with cash. This is my secret to getting laid'."

"Ah, you see, I was properly caught and taken to the gallows. They'd gotten so far as to have Jack Catch fitting me with an unbecoming rope necklace before I made good my escape... And the commodore watched as sailed off over yon horizon." Jack practically giggles. He was, at the time, impressed and grateful, but he feels Norrington blew his one chance at turning his back on his post properly.
"This ordeal, quite apparently, did not set well with him -or rather, with those ranking above him I should wager- and I soon had the man and his fine fleet of ships at my rudder. At least, I had...til I hurricane cleared them off for me... Not certain what happened from there. Not til I saw him next as a wreck of the man he once was."
Jack shrugs. It was foolish for Norrington to think he could chase the Pearl through a storm. The pirate won't let himself feel pity for that.

Jack smirks and laughs. He reaches a hand up and lightly pats Sands' cheek while taking another drink.
"Sheldon, dear twin, when lacking in the funds necessary to purchase a night of rough trade -or lacking the interest in spending said wealth- I pay for a woman's company in honeyed lies and truths she can not understand... Now give us another cigarette."

"How did you escape that?" A smile touches the corner of his mouth. He's not sure if Jack is spinning tales or not but he likes to listen to the stories anyway. Even his twin isn't immune from being charmed by the pirates easy lies and honeyed voice. He finds himself soothed by the weight of the man in his lap and the soft sounds of his speech as his mind drifts. Still- it doesn't stop him from trying to find out all he can on Sparrow. The training runs so deep in his veins there's no telling when the cia stops and the man begins.
"Why would Norrington let you go? Where you fucking him then too?"

He obliges- lighting another one and placing it in Jack's mouth when he hears the bottle come away.

The story is put on hold while he waits for his cigarette and takes the first long drag. Jack watches the smoke trail up and away from him in soft curls.

"At the last possible moment, I was loosed from the gallows by a young lad with a strong penchant for selfless benevolence. I knew the boy's father, you see, and I had -in the days leading to this unfortunate position- placed myself as a surrogate and a mentor to the poor, confused young man." He laughs and breaks to take a pull from the rum. "Once my hanging was no longer immanent, I made for my ship and loyal crew. Oh, Norrington would have had his blade put to severing my throat in a single open second, that's certain... However, I had also made quite the positive impression on his lady love...as had the boy, Will Turner. There is nothing like the pleading of a woman to stop logical men from going about logical things...logically. Between the lot of them, and before all was done, I was allowed to part on my merry way, set free as a hero for having part in the rescue of the little strumpet."
This story always amuses Jack, but right now it is doubly so. His head lolls back over Sands' knees and he laughs and smiles to himself, watching the little show the escaping clouds of smoke are putting on.

For Sands this all translates to 'I was doing this poor boy up the butt because I knew he would never tell me no. I was also doing the girlfriend and she saved my hide. Then I left the chaos behind me.'
Partly because all except the butt fucking- this is Sands' MO as well. This is all lost as he thinks hard about the word 'stumpet'. What is a strumpet anyway? Isn't that what little Miss Muffet sat on?
No. No that was a tou...

Sands realizes Jack has stopped talking so he gives a manly grunt to signify that he was indeed listening to all that and it was all well said.
"Wait. So- you rescued her. Then she convinced him to rescue you. And Norrignton was discharged for..."
He's lost once again.
"How many of these people were you fucking up the ass??"

For some reason this has turned from a theory to a plot point in the agent's head.

"What? None... Why?" Jack considers the idea a moment, wondering where it came from, then tilts his head up at Sands. "D'you think it would have helped?"

Clearly, one of them is confused. Jack doesn't give much thought to which one or why.
"Norrington was, no doubt, hip-deep in warm shit over the affair and none-too-pleased about things besides. Eventually, he gave chase with his fleet... Lost both of his ships to a hurricane in his pursuit of me. Damn fool thing to do, really." Lest we risk sympathy or something akin to it. "I believe the loss of his ships, crew, and the pirate he'd seen to releasing came together nicely to seal the end of a career. ... I wonder if there was a warrant issued for him as well?"
Well, now he's just talking to himself. Given the present company, it's not a very far stretch from regular conversation.

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Log: Ongoing

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