tampered | Log: Ongoing

Log: Ongoing

When; July 17th (Evening)
Rating; PG(?)
Characters; Lelouch Lamperouge [[Bad username or site: lel0uch / @ livejournal.com]] and Shirley Fenette [[Bad username or site: refrainingly / @ livejournal.com]]
Summary; After finding out more about the reason behind her amnesia amoung other things Suzaku told her, Shirley decides to talk to Lelouch about it.
Log;

Shirley quickly went into her room, taking the note about Lelouch out of a drawer near her bed. She looked at it momentarily, already feeling nervous about going to talk to Lelouch.

From knowing what Suzaku told her about the fact she told him she had feelings for Lelouch amoung the fact that Suzaku had experienced this too from a work related thing, just made her feel even more confused on what to do. If her assumption was right, then it meant only one thing, which was exactly was stated in the note she found.

She took a deep breath and waited for the other to come. She knew she told Suzaku that they would keep it a secret from him, but with how much Suzaku trusts Lelouch she couldn't exactly tell him what she thought about it for obvious reasons. Instead she decided it would be best to talk to Lelouch about it first, and hopefully this time she'd at least be able to tell him everything this time.

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It was very difficult to meet the eyes of someone who had previously looked back at you with fondness instead of the confusion of a stranger now. Lelouch had wanted to keep Nunnally close to him, of course, Kallen as well and of course Suzaku since the boy had peculiar habits but Shirley’s presence had been a hard choice for him. He had done his best to keep himself from appearing in council meetings too often when the girl was there and when those were unavoidable; he trusted the rest of the team to be polite and not to comment on their “ongoing disagreement.” Avoidance was unfortunately out of the question when they lived in the same cursed City.

He had a minor clue that Shirley was overly curious over her lack of memory; the degree of her curiosity however, wasn’t quite as obvious to him.

"Shirley?" He knocked on her door a few minutes after he had put Nunnally to bed, it was time for them to talk.

Shirley's thoughts were interrupted the moment she heard Lelouch knocking the door, calling her name. She stood up and folded the note and put it in her pocket before she went over to the door to open it.

"Lelouch...come on in" she said, trying her hardest to smile at the other, while she thought about how to exactly start the conversation of what she wanted to tell him.

At the invitation, Lelouch pushed open the door, taking a moment to pause and collect his thoughts before stepping in. From his experience with dealing with Mao he had learned not to think too much or overanalyze a situation but this meeting was strange, especially with the way Shirley had been lately.

"I’m here." He closed the door behind him and faced her, softened expression on his face quite similar to the one he wore when they ‘met for the first time’ again in front of the Memorial, "What was it that you wanted to talk about?"

"Oh, right. I'm sure you probably find this weird that I want to talk to you suddenly, since we haven't really talked that much since I arrived here and I know you told me that you wanted to start over...but the truth is I've wanted to tell--well more like ask you this for a while but I just couldn't, not until I knew more about why I couldn't remember at least" Shirley sighed "But before I explain...will you promise to tell me the truth?"

"… I’m afraid I can’t unless I know what you’re going to ask me, Shirley. Everyone has something they’re not ready to reveal yet, if whatever you wish to know will probe into those things than I can’t say." He clearly remembered how distressed and unbalanced Shirley was after her father’s death and even more after Mao had the chance to dig out her thoughts. Lelouch didn’t want all of that to happen a second time.

"Okay, I guess that makes sense. Well first of all let me explain everything to you first though. You remember how Suzaku offered to listen to before, right? I've been talking to him a lot since then actually. Initially I was going to talk to him about what I wanted to tell you because I couldn't, but then for some reason I just couldn't make myself tell him either" Shirley said, slowly, "He...knows that I can't remember you because he was wondering why I didn't go to you about it, anyway he told me quite a few things about you and our relationship before, and because he wanted to help me remember you"

Shirley looked away from Lelouch, avoiding looking at the other so that she wouldn't seem as nervous as she felt. "Suzaku told me to ask someone about it, and I remember you saying I should go see a doctor, so I did and it turned out you were wrong about my amnesia..."

[ooc: D: Reposting comment because part of it failed to make sense~ sorry about that]

Lelouch looked at her, somehow, somewhere deep down he felt mildly annoyed that Shirley chose Suzaku to confide in, even more so that she had been ‘talking to him a lot.’ He brushed it all aside however, and took in what she said.

"That’s not surprising, since I’m not a doctor. If it isn’t amnesia, what is it? Did your doctor say?" It would be interesting to know how a geassed person was diagnosed medically, though now wasn’t the time to be concerned with that..

"Yeah, I know that," Shirley shook her head, "Um. Well what I meant was that it kind of is amnesia, but she told me that the chakra flow in my brain indicated that someone tampered with it and removed my memories of you. I mentioned it to Suzaku and he told me that he'd experienced something like that too, though he said it was work related though..."

So that was it. Suzaku again. Lelouch raised an eyebrow slowly, "Work related? There are enough stories about past wars where soldiers lose their memory or sanity from shell shock and the rest. I don’t think his case and yours would be related, Shirley."

He was also pretty sure Chakra didn’t really have anything to do with memory. "Who exactly did you see, this doctor?" He was well read in philosophy, it wasn’t a foreign term to him. "Chakra is a sanskrit term for spiritual wheels that’s a Hindu philosophy… let me find you another doctor to look at you." Preferably one that he could talk to first.

"It didn't sound like that though. He didn't think they were related either, instead he told me he thought that someone with some sort of special ability may have done this to me..." Shirley said, her hand moving to her face to prevent herself from crying "And the person who examined me is perfectly fine. I don't think I need to see another doctor, and I believe both of them. The reason why...that's what I wanted to talk to you"

"Ability?" He echoed, careful to keep himself from narrowing his eyes suspiciously. The last he spoke to Suzaku, the boy had been completely clueless to the point that he barely registered the monsters that littered the forest. Since when had Suzaku come up with a suggestion such as an ability?

"Don’t be silly, Shirley. Do you realize what you’re saying?" Did she even remotely realize what she was implying, Lelouch wondered.

He reacted and moved his hand up to comfort her, but stopped midway when he recalled that they were no longer the close friends that they used to be. Instead, he dropped his hand and turned away from her, leaned against dresser for support, "Of course, if you trust that then it’s fine also. I’m here right now, what did you want to say?"

"Yeah, of course I do know what I'm saying...well, Suuzaku thought it was someone else at first, but then he suggested it might be that. He thought it might be possible since so many people in the city seem to have powers, so it's not completely unrealistic" Shirley took a deep breath, before continuing and taking the note from her pocket. She passed the note to Lelouch, "This is what I initially wanted to talk to Suzaku about, but decided against it. It's also what I've been trying to confront you about ever since I found it...but well see for yourself. It's...true, isn't it?"

He already had a sinking feeling when she pulled out the note, and after reading it, he mentally cursed for not have found it earlier. He and C.C. had gotten rid of everything from the photos she kept of him to the notes they exchanged in class. To think he had missed this.

He looked at her calmly, "Do you think it is?"

"At first I wasn't sure what to think when I found it, but with what I know now I think it is" Shirley looked up towards Lelouch, "Suzaku didn't tell me who he initially thought it was that caused me to have this amnesia, because it was someone work related, but from that and the note...it's the only thing that makes sense as to why I can't remember you. That's why I didn't mention it to Suzaku like I was going to before, and I why I came to talk to you about it instead..."

"I'm afraid I don't follow you, Shirley. How exactly would this make sense? This is a page written when you were emotionally distressed, you don't remember the events that happened right after... receiving the news, do you? Where you went and what you did." He paused, and folded the note neatly.

"I'm also aware that I might be a stranger to you, so you might choose not to listen, but don't you think this is going a little too far?" Then he added in a quieter voice, "You don't remember me, and now you're bringing this on me?"

"Because it just does, it doesn't matter if I don't remember. It's because I found out about your secret that something like this happened" Shirley shook her head, "And the fact Suzaku said something like this happened to him, I'm pretty sure he thought it was Zero who did this to me. If I showed that to him, he would probably believe me too, but I came to you instead. He trusts you...and even if I don't remember you, he told me that we were close friends and that I liked-- well the point is that even if you did this to me somehow, and despite everything you may have done...for some stupid reason, a part of me didn't want anything to happen to you"

A couple of tears started to run down her cheek as she spoke, she reached over and took the note back from the other, before wiping them from her face "Guess that was my mistake going to you about this though, right?"

The issue about Suzaku aside, Shirley was right that something like this happened because she became too involved with him, because she knew about his other side than she became weak enough for Mao to mess with her mind. Lelouch with his strategies couldn't find an alternative to ease her pain besides taking away her memory and even now, seeing her tears he couldn't think of an alternative. It was a precarious situation.

"No, it wasn't a mistake to come to me, Shirley..." This time, he did reach out a hand to her cheek to wipe away her tears. "But at the same time, stringing together such a theory is a little outrageous. Why would Zero want anything to do with a civilian, and why would I be Zero?"

"Yes it was...I wasn't even supposed to mention any of this to you" Shirley flinched slightly from Lelouch's sudden movement of wiping away her tears. "I don't think it is. From what Suzaku has told me about you,...I would think that you probably didn't involve me on purpose. I don't know why you would want to be Zero, but I'm sure you had your reasons"

She paused momentarily, before she continued,"Even if you are him, it's okay, you know...I know I should hate you for what you've done, but just I can't...maybe that's why I didn't mention it to anyone else"

He withdrew his hand at her flinch, if this wasn't the most obvious sign that she thought of him as a stranger, nothing was. The Shirley from before the incident would never have done that. He sighed slowly, and turned away from her and saying quietly, "I think you should stop with this Zero business before you make it a bigger deal than necessary."

Shirley just looked at Lelouch, not really sure what to say. She shook her head and let out a sigh, "But that note though...why would I have written your name in it then, if it wasn't true?"

"There could be a number of reasons. Shirley, you've always enjoyed writing, with real people especially. Remember that little short story you wrote of Rivalz and I of our betting adventure with the Italian Mafia leader? That was in your purple notebook, if you have it with you. My name is used quite often. You could have lost the other pages that went with this note, it doesn't seem like it was the first page anyways."

He wanted her to stop, he really did. Stay innocent and stay unconcerned over such things, it was safer for her and it made her happy, didn't it?

"I don't remember writing anything like that though, or that note since it's about you. Besides, I don't think I would have wrote something like that, about you being Zero, if it was a story, especially with how my father...he died because of him" Shirley said, avoiding to look at Lelouch "Maybe I should have just asked Suzaku or somebody else about this instead, that way I wouldn't have had to bother you with this..."

"And as I have said before, you lost your memory of me during the time you were most emotionally unstable. You've been trying to fill in the gaps ever since, haven't you? Grasping onto any story or theory that you could. Ever since the school festival, I'm sure you're aware of Suzaku's position. Telling him that you think I'm Zero based solely on that note," Lelouch lowered his head to catch Shirley's eye again, a little sad, "did you want to kill me that badly?"

"It is true that I've been trying to remember because of that note, but mostly because of what Suzaku told me" Shirley thought about it for a moment, looking directly at Lelouch, seeing the look on his face, "I--no, of course I don't want that, I tried so hard not to mention it to him and told you instead. I told you before, that for some reason I didn't want anything to happen to you. I mean, I haven't said anything yet, have I?"

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Log: Ongoing

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