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tampered2007-09-29 11:18 am
wearedarkness.livejournal.com) wrote in tampered2007-09-29 11:18 am
Log; Complete
When; September 28th [ Evening ]
Rating; PG-13
Characters; Kurosaki Hisoka [![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
empathed] and Tsuzuki Asato [wearedarkness]
Summary; The result of this thread, in which it all gets a little too much.
Log;
The curse day had been the heaviest on him that he had ever experienced since being there and he hadn't even been effected by it. No, it had been Watari and most likely because of his already inquisitive nature, it had hit him pretty hard to the extent that he had bombarded people around him with questions, some of them very personal. Tsuzuki had been no exception and in fact some of the questions just felt like one painful jab after the other. It had shaken him up something rotten. Truth be known, after the first few seconds of those questions rolling around inside his head he went into a brief kind of shut down. However, that hadn't lasted long and he had been swift to defend his friend, especially against Hisoka's ire. He didn't blame Watari at all; he was cursed and he had every faith in him.
But it didn't change that he was in a bad way. And Hisoka had tried so hard too, dragging him from the house, taking him to the theatre and even paying for treats. It made Tsuzuki feel guilty that he couldn't focus on the movie or consume the food he'd been bought. His partner had even tried to comfort him by holding his hand briefly, even if he'd deny it later. Yet, the conflict in Tsuzuki's head to accept the support and pull away to save Hisoka a jolt of the unpleasant emotions coursing through him had confused the younger Shinigami. It wasn't a good situation.
It almost seemed completely hopeless. Hisoka knew that Tsuzuki had an extreme amount of baggage, but it was rare that Tsuzuki carried it all at once. Usually it was little things here and there... The last time this had happened, Tsuzuki had nearly ended up dead. Permanently. No afterlife.
Touching him had just made it worse. The myriad emotions had nearly suffocated the teen, and he had quickly drawn his hand back when he realized it must have been unpleasant. Hisoka had assumed he would like it, since his partner was always touching him. ...Maybe he didn't like it after all? Maybe Tsuzuki just touched him out of pity.
And really, it wasn't like Hisoka didn't have his own depression to deal with in the first place. Watari's inquiries had upset him too, but...bitching about it wouldn't do any good. It would just make Tsuzuki feel worse.
As they stepped out of the theatre and onto the sidewalk, Hisoka shoved his hands into his jacket pocket and stared at the ground, knowing he really hadn't helped his partner out at all. Maybe he'd only made it worse.
"Stop smiling," he bit out, clearly irritated. Mostly with himself.
"Sorry," It was almost like an automatic apology, just a habit he was in when he was low perhaps. Since coming outside his eyes had been drawn toward a nearby streetlamp, watching the moths dancing around the glow and the dusty trails they left like golf glitter on the breeze. Tsuzuki was sure he'd been thinking for so many hours now but he'd gotten no-where in sorting out his tangle of thoughts and now he couldn't tear his eyes off those damn moths.
"Hisoka," He said in a strangely level tone. Even though the curse hadn't caught him there was a question he wanted to ask all the same "...when you brought me back before, from Touda's flames... I never asked you... Why did you do that for me? I know we're partners, and friends, but... I'm a handful, aren't I? I frustrate you and I cause problems. I'm hard work for you emotionally too, with your empathy."
Really, he wanted to be looking at the boy while he was speaking, he was usually very attentive but those fluttering things... "And despite all that and more you came for me... Why?"
What a loaded question. And with all these people around?
The front of a theatre really wasn't the place for such a topic...if there ever was a good location. Really, Hisoka was tempted to just brush it off and change the subject, but when he lifted his gaze to follow Tsuzuki's he could tell that somehow, on the crowded sidewalk with an overflowing trash receptacle and a hooker standing just around the corner, this was pivotal.
...Was there such a thing as a time and a place for these things? Was this any less proper than a burning laboratory?
Curling his fingers, Hisoka's hands formed fists in his jacket pockets while he looked at the lamp and it's moths, then back at his partner's face. Hisoka...really wasn't good with words.
"Because, I..." His face felt hot, and quickly he dropped his eyes back to the ground. "I realized that I was living for you. I was fighting for you...and no one else. Not even myself. I couldn't just let you...give up like that, when I was trying so damn hard."
"I see." And for a while that was all he said and the silence that followed burnt even for him and yet it lingered, hanging heavily like damp air in a steamy room. And still his eye line was off toward that light and the little dusty creatures around it.
"I think..." Just like that, the silence was broken "...I think that I may never fully shake those questions from earlier. Not because Watari asked them... but because I ask myself some of them every day and I never seem to find answers. So, I may always be a little shaky, a bit tainted but and sort of broken..."
He drew in a heavy breath, holding it before slowly dragging his eyes away and down from the light, hanging his head for a moment so his bangs fell across his eyes. That was very hard to do, but he only stayed that way for a moment before lifting his eyes once more toward Hisoka "But... I'll bare it somehow, even if it always haunts me a little bit. Because I came back for you, because you asked me to, because you're trying hard too and if I gave up now I'd never forgive myself. I could never do that to you."
And then he smiled. Just a little one, but a particular kind of smile with nothing in the way at all "...because if you're existing for me then I want to do the same for you, Hisoka."
If anything, that smile only made Hisoka tense even more. His shoulders hunched up and he crossed his arms over his chest, quickly turning so that Tsuzuki couldn't see his face. That claim...it made him so...angry.
"...Idiot!" he spat out, but there was no venom in his words. If anything, his voice cracked, and that was humiliating enough. What was worse, he was suddenly nearly in tears.
Turning just enough to let him grab onto one of the lapels of Tsuzuki's coat, he began to stalk off, dragging the other shinigami with him in his hurry. Too many people, too many people... Too many emotions. Too many eyes and ears.
As soon as he found a quiet alley were there were no tricks working their magic, he practically flung Tsuzuki in front of him before letting go of his coat. "Idiot!" he repeated, far more loudly this time.
"Why do you... Why do you do that?! You think that puts me at ease? What's the point of you living for me if your smile never means anything?!"
Tsuzuki allowed himself to be yanked away from the crowds in that manner, but it did surprise him all the same, stumbling along to keep up with his partner but not making any vocal protest at all.
When he was pulled directly in front of the younger Shinigami, Tsuzuki wavered slightly, quickly gaining his footing and staring at Hisoka with wide eyes, waiting for him to speak again and when he did he looked quite speechless with a kind of shock. His shoulders sagged slightly and his eyes softening but not looking away from the boy for even a second. There was no distraction at all there, it wasn't just good for Hisoka's attention apparently as he shook his head. "You know not all my smiles are empty. You're most likely the only one who can really tell my real ones from the fake ones aside myself. You're also the one who gets most of them from me. You... do know that, don't you?"
An odd look fell over his face then, like it dawned on him that maybe Hisoka didn't know that. Empathy didn't mean he was a complete mind-reader after all, right?
Hisoka wanted to believe that...but it was so hard. One might think that the longer he was around Tsuzuki, the more in tune he was with the other's emotions, but really it was practically the other way around.
He felt like he could no longer tell when Tsuzuki was lying or telling the truth. The teenager had convinced himself that it didn't matter... That he would be strong for Tsuzuki and take care of him, but it was clear that wasn't working. It was only making him jaded.
Disgusted with himself at how utterly pathetic he was acting, but unable to keep his voice from cracking yet again, he slumped back against the brick wall, lifting an arm so that his sleeve could shield his face as he choked out, "I'm no good! The empathy's not any good, Tsuzuki, if I can't take on your pain for you! You always try to bear it yourself... You don't trust me enough to let me bear the burden with you!"
His knuckles were white now from how tightly he was clenching his fists, and Hisoka let his arm lower just enough to peer over the sleeve of his jacket, eyes glistening with emotion that he rarely let show.
"If you can smile in my stead, then why can't I take on all of the pain in yours?"
Something shifted. To anyone nearby is was possibly nothing at all, something in the wind, a shiver, a moment where a thought was foggy and just out of reach and then pushed aside. To Tsuzuki, whatever that something was felt like a jolt up his spine. It was a horrible feeling too, one he just wasn't used to feeling, or maybe he was just used to shoving it down behind something else.
His hands came down against the wall either side of Hisoka suddenly, his amethyst eyes locked on the boy in a kind of glare, an intense, burning one. It almost felt like one of their early meetings when Tsuzuki had found Hisoka around the Secret Documents Section and had gotten himself burnt by the boy. Literally. It was different though, it wasn't just a business thing or a pride matter, it wasn't Tsuzuki just getting involved because it was another person he wanted to help. No, he was actually hurt, pissed off even for some reason.
"I can't do that!" he snapped but without any kind of poison in his voice at all, keeping that look firmly on Hisoka "I can't because if I do I might taint you! I'll damage you because of what I am and what I feel! I don't want to let you take on any of my pain let alone all of it if I can help it, not because I don't trust you but because you're just too special for that!!"
Tsuzuki lowered his head then, tearing the look away and trembling a little "...you're too important to me... that's why... I can't bear the thought of my emotions flowing into you, breaking you..."
He felt winded, as if he'd just been sucker punched. The proximity nearly made him cringe, and the words most definitely did. But he was pretty sick of letting himself be weak by this point. After a moment of absorbing the words, he lowered his arm and glared right back. Instead of shying away from the fury, Hisoka soaked it in and turned it around to wield as his own.
"You stupid jerk!" the teenager snapped back, his hand darting out to snag the older man's shirt. He might have appeared cornered, what with being flat against a wall, but he just made himself step forward and shove. Definitely physically weaker, but he knew Tsuzuki wouldn't have expected it.
After all, the last time, Hisoka had merely curled up and sulked.
"What am I, some china doll?! Why do you think I worked for Oriya? Not just to figure out Muraki, but to prove I was strong enough to resist him! Because I wasn't able to...because I failed...! You think I'm that pathetic?! I want you to know something, Tsuzuki! I never broke! He had me on the damned ground, violating me, but I never broke! I may not be as strong as you when it comes to spells, but I'll be damned if I let my own empathy break my will! No matter what he would have done to my body, my mind never faltered! Do you understand that?!"
True enough, the sudden movement caught him off-guard; the gravity pulled his hands from the wall and dragged him backwards a bit. But Tsuzuk dug his heel down hard against the ground, snapping his head up sharply. His hand shot up then, snatching hold of Hisoka's shirt to keep the same distance between them as before "This hasn't got anything to do with comparing strength! I know you're stronger than me emotionally because you face it and I can't do that! I've never doubted you for a second, but I can doubt myself pretty good and just because I know you could most likely take it doesn't make me any less afraid that it might damage you all the same! I'm a coward, I'm too scared to risk it!"
He could feel his ribs shuddering painfully under the rough and hurried beating of his heart, his jaw ached from how hard his teeth were clenched and his eyes felt like threatening tears were burning them but he didn't look away.
"And I don't think you're pathetic and I never have. Where the hell did that come from anyway?! I know what he did to you, twice. And I wasn't there to stop it, twice and I hate him for that. You were brave but so stupid to try and resist him here alone in the first place. We were going to face him together, weren't we?!"
It was times like this that Hisoka really loathed how small he was. He would never get any taller or more muscular... He was stuck like this, with the close proximity a reminder of how much his height limited him. Having to look up at Tsuzuki during a fight? Embarrassing.
And then Tsuzuki's words cut into him all over again, and he was suddenly yelling so loud that his voice went hoarse, shoving both hands against the taller man's chest to get him the hell away.
"I can't face anything together with you if you're not here! You weren't here!"
"And you didn't think I'd turn up here with you in the end?! You couldn't have waited just a little bit longer for me to find you again?!" He moved his hands to the boy's shoulders, gripping him tightly though not painfully as he lowered his head so he was more on Hisoka's eye level, his voice going quieter, shakier.
"...I'm here... I came... And I'll be with you and follow you wherever you go. I know you have faith in me like I do in you, so why couldn't it have waited just a few more days, just long enough for me to get here too...?"
Both shoulders hunched as Tsuzuki grabbed him, and he resisted the ever growing urge to yank away. With a scowl, his own voice dropped so that he was practically hissing as his hands dropped to his sides.
"Hypocrite. How dare you lecture me for doing things on my own when that's all you ever do!"
The hold the older Shinigami had on the boy loosened a little, his head tilting forward to rest his head against Hisoka's, his eyes closing and as he did so a fine silver trail finally falling from his eyes.
"I know," He barely managed to whisper "...that's why I asked... despite knowing my faults, not just my trivial ones but my most hidden ones, how cowardly I am, what a hypocrite I am... You still brought me back… Why, when you knew all those things about me?"
It was just astounding how dense Tsuzuki could be. And Hisoka thought he was poor at understanding social behavior... Tsuzuki was almost just as bad in regards to feelings involving him.
...But then, Hisoka remembered Tatsumi, and he knew he shouldn't have been surprised.
His hand lifted slowly then, cheeks flushed from being able to feel the other's breath on his face, and brushed his thumb against Tsuzuki's temple to wipe away the tear. His own emotions were so muddled now that it was hard to decipher if he was angry, sad, or amused. Maybe all three... And that was a depressing thought.
Steeling his nerves and preparing for the worst, his tone was trembling as he muttered out, "You really are...a stupid jerk." Then, before he lost his courage, Hisoka closed the already incredibly short distance between them, offering a shy kiss that was so quick one would have missed it if they had blinked.
...oh. Oh, yes. Yes, he was a dense idiot and he was certainly feeling it in that moment. He stared at Hisoka for a long second or two, a slight blush stained against his own cheeks then. There was nothing to put up as an excuse. No curse, no nothing. Damn.
Tsuzuki moved his arms then, curling them protectively around the smaller Shinigami's shoulders and holding him close and he exhaled a heavy sigh and lowered his head beside Hisoka's.
"...so it's alright for me to be here, still?"
His face was hot from embarrassment, but at least Tsuzuki hadn't shoved him away, and Hisoka felt a large weight lift off his shoulders when he couldn't sense even an ounce of disgust or displeasure at what had just occurred.
Sighing, he relaxed a bit and shut his eyes, leaning into Tsuzuki as he muttered out, "I'd track you down and kick your ass if you left."
Tsuzuki gave a touched smiled, his eyes glowing faintly in the dull light and from the glassy look about them, resting a hand on the back of Hisoka's head as he felt him press his weight onto him. He held him there easily as whatever pressure was hanging on him before seeming to melt away.
"I'm not going anywhere, I promise. And you’ve got full permission to kick my ass if I break it."
Rating; PG-13
Characters; Kurosaki Hisoka [
empathed] and Tsuzuki Asato [wearedarkness]Summary; The result of this thread, in which it all gets a little too much.
Log;
The curse day had been the heaviest on him that he had ever experienced since being there and he hadn't even been effected by it. No, it had been Watari and most likely because of his already inquisitive nature, it had hit him pretty hard to the extent that he had bombarded people around him with questions, some of them very personal. Tsuzuki had been no exception and in fact some of the questions just felt like one painful jab after the other. It had shaken him up something rotten. Truth be known, after the first few seconds of those questions rolling around inside his head he went into a brief kind of shut down. However, that hadn't lasted long and he had been swift to defend his friend, especially against Hisoka's ire. He didn't blame Watari at all; he was cursed and he had every faith in him.
But it didn't change that he was in a bad way. And Hisoka had tried so hard too, dragging him from the house, taking him to the theatre and even paying for treats. It made Tsuzuki feel guilty that he couldn't focus on the movie or consume the food he'd been bought. His partner had even tried to comfort him by holding his hand briefly, even if he'd deny it later. Yet, the conflict in Tsuzuki's head to accept the support and pull away to save Hisoka a jolt of the unpleasant emotions coursing through him had confused the younger Shinigami. It wasn't a good situation.
It almost seemed completely hopeless. Hisoka knew that Tsuzuki had an extreme amount of baggage, but it was rare that Tsuzuki carried it all at once. Usually it was little things here and there... The last time this had happened, Tsuzuki had nearly ended up dead. Permanently. No afterlife.
Touching him had just made it worse. The myriad emotions had nearly suffocated the teen, and he had quickly drawn his hand back when he realized it must have been unpleasant. Hisoka had assumed he would like it, since his partner was always touching him. ...Maybe he didn't like it after all? Maybe Tsuzuki just touched him out of pity.
And really, it wasn't like Hisoka didn't have his own depression to deal with in the first place. Watari's inquiries had upset him too, but...bitching about it wouldn't do any good. It would just make Tsuzuki feel worse.
As they stepped out of the theatre and onto the sidewalk, Hisoka shoved his hands into his jacket pocket and stared at the ground, knowing he really hadn't helped his partner out at all. Maybe he'd only made it worse.
"Stop smiling," he bit out, clearly irritated. Mostly with himself.
"Sorry," It was almost like an automatic apology, just a habit he was in when he was low perhaps. Since coming outside his eyes had been drawn toward a nearby streetlamp, watching the moths dancing around the glow and the dusty trails they left like golf glitter on the breeze. Tsuzuki was sure he'd been thinking for so many hours now but he'd gotten no-where in sorting out his tangle of thoughts and now he couldn't tear his eyes off those damn moths.
"Hisoka," He said in a strangely level tone. Even though the curse hadn't caught him there was a question he wanted to ask all the same "...when you brought me back before, from Touda's flames... I never asked you... Why did you do that for me? I know we're partners, and friends, but... I'm a handful, aren't I? I frustrate you and I cause problems. I'm hard work for you emotionally too, with your empathy."
Really, he wanted to be looking at the boy while he was speaking, he was usually very attentive but those fluttering things... "And despite all that and more you came for me... Why?"
What a loaded question. And with all these people around?
The front of a theatre really wasn't the place for such a topic...if there ever was a good location. Really, Hisoka was tempted to just brush it off and change the subject, but when he lifted his gaze to follow Tsuzuki's he could tell that somehow, on the crowded sidewalk with an overflowing trash receptacle and a hooker standing just around the corner, this was pivotal.
...Was there such a thing as a time and a place for these things? Was this any less proper than a burning laboratory?
Curling his fingers, Hisoka's hands formed fists in his jacket pockets while he looked at the lamp and it's moths, then back at his partner's face. Hisoka...really wasn't good with words.
"Because, I..." His face felt hot, and quickly he dropped his eyes back to the ground. "I realized that I was living for you. I was fighting for you...and no one else. Not even myself. I couldn't just let you...give up like that, when I was trying so damn hard."
"I see." And for a while that was all he said and the silence that followed burnt even for him and yet it lingered, hanging heavily like damp air in a steamy room. And still his eye line was off toward that light and the little dusty creatures around it.
"I think..." Just like that, the silence was broken "...I think that I may never fully shake those questions from earlier. Not because Watari asked them... but because I ask myself some of them every day and I never seem to find answers. So, I may always be a little shaky, a bit tainted but and sort of broken..."
He drew in a heavy breath, holding it before slowly dragging his eyes away and down from the light, hanging his head for a moment so his bangs fell across his eyes. That was very hard to do, but he only stayed that way for a moment before lifting his eyes once more toward Hisoka "But... I'll bare it somehow, even if it always haunts me a little bit. Because I came back for you, because you asked me to, because you're trying hard too and if I gave up now I'd never forgive myself. I could never do that to you."
And then he smiled. Just a little one, but a particular kind of smile with nothing in the way at all "...because if you're existing for me then I want to do the same for you, Hisoka."
If anything, that smile only made Hisoka tense even more. His shoulders hunched up and he crossed his arms over his chest, quickly turning so that Tsuzuki couldn't see his face. That claim...it made him so...angry.
"...Idiot!" he spat out, but there was no venom in his words. If anything, his voice cracked, and that was humiliating enough. What was worse, he was suddenly nearly in tears.
Turning just enough to let him grab onto one of the lapels of Tsuzuki's coat, he began to stalk off, dragging the other shinigami with him in his hurry. Too many people, too many people... Too many emotions. Too many eyes and ears.
As soon as he found a quiet alley were there were no tricks working their magic, he practically flung Tsuzuki in front of him before letting go of his coat. "Idiot!" he repeated, far more loudly this time.
"Why do you... Why do you do that?! You think that puts me at ease? What's the point of you living for me if your smile never means anything?!"
Tsuzuki allowed himself to be yanked away from the crowds in that manner, but it did surprise him all the same, stumbling along to keep up with his partner but not making any vocal protest at all.
When he was pulled directly in front of the younger Shinigami, Tsuzuki wavered slightly, quickly gaining his footing and staring at Hisoka with wide eyes, waiting for him to speak again and when he did he looked quite speechless with a kind of shock. His shoulders sagged slightly and his eyes softening but not looking away from the boy for even a second. There was no distraction at all there, it wasn't just good for Hisoka's attention apparently as he shook his head. "You know not all my smiles are empty. You're most likely the only one who can really tell my real ones from the fake ones aside myself. You're also the one who gets most of them from me. You... do know that, don't you?"
An odd look fell over his face then, like it dawned on him that maybe Hisoka didn't know that. Empathy didn't mean he was a complete mind-reader after all, right?
Hisoka wanted to believe that...but it was so hard. One might think that the longer he was around Tsuzuki, the more in tune he was with the other's emotions, but really it was practically the other way around.
He felt like he could no longer tell when Tsuzuki was lying or telling the truth. The teenager had convinced himself that it didn't matter... That he would be strong for Tsuzuki and take care of him, but it was clear that wasn't working. It was only making him jaded.
Disgusted with himself at how utterly pathetic he was acting, but unable to keep his voice from cracking yet again, he slumped back against the brick wall, lifting an arm so that his sleeve could shield his face as he choked out, "I'm no good! The empathy's not any good, Tsuzuki, if I can't take on your pain for you! You always try to bear it yourself... You don't trust me enough to let me bear the burden with you!"
His knuckles were white now from how tightly he was clenching his fists, and Hisoka let his arm lower just enough to peer over the sleeve of his jacket, eyes glistening with emotion that he rarely let show.
"If you can smile in my stead, then why can't I take on all of the pain in yours?"
Something shifted. To anyone nearby is was possibly nothing at all, something in the wind, a shiver, a moment where a thought was foggy and just out of reach and then pushed aside. To Tsuzuki, whatever that something was felt like a jolt up his spine. It was a horrible feeling too, one he just wasn't used to feeling, or maybe he was just used to shoving it down behind something else.
His hands came down against the wall either side of Hisoka suddenly, his amethyst eyes locked on the boy in a kind of glare, an intense, burning one. It almost felt like one of their early meetings when Tsuzuki had found Hisoka around the Secret Documents Section and had gotten himself burnt by the boy. Literally. It was different though, it wasn't just a business thing or a pride matter, it wasn't Tsuzuki just getting involved because it was another person he wanted to help. No, he was actually hurt, pissed off even for some reason.
"I can't do that!" he snapped but without any kind of poison in his voice at all, keeping that look firmly on Hisoka "I can't because if I do I might taint you! I'll damage you because of what I am and what I feel! I don't want to let you take on any of my pain let alone all of it if I can help it, not because I don't trust you but because you're just too special for that!!"
Tsuzuki lowered his head then, tearing the look away and trembling a little "...you're too important to me... that's why... I can't bear the thought of my emotions flowing into you, breaking you..."
He felt winded, as if he'd just been sucker punched. The proximity nearly made him cringe, and the words most definitely did. But he was pretty sick of letting himself be weak by this point. After a moment of absorbing the words, he lowered his arm and glared right back. Instead of shying away from the fury, Hisoka soaked it in and turned it around to wield as his own.
"You stupid jerk!" the teenager snapped back, his hand darting out to snag the older man's shirt. He might have appeared cornered, what with being flat against a wall, but he just made himself step forward and shove. Definitely physically weaker, but he knew Tsuzuki wouldn't have expected it.
After all, the last time, Hisoka had merely curled up and sulked.
"What am I, some china doll?! Why do you think I worked for Oriya? Not just to figure out Muraki, but to prove I was strong enough to resist him! Because I wasn't able to...because I failed...! You think I'm that pathetic?! I want you to know something, Tsuzuki! I never broke! He had me on the damned ground, violating me, but I never broke! I may not be as strong as you when it comes to spells, but I'll be damned if I let my own empathy break my will! No matter what he would have done to my body, my mind never faltered! Do you understand that?!"
True enough, the sudden movement caught him off-guard; the gravity pulled his hands from the wall and dragged him backwards a bit. But Tsuzuk dug his heel down hard against the ground, snapping his head up sharply. His hand shot up then, snatching hold of Hisoka's shirt to keep the same distance between them as before "This hasn't got anything to do with comparing strength! I know you're stronger than me emotionally because you face it and I can't do that! I've never doubted you for a second, but I can doubt myself pretty good and just because I know you could most likely take it doesn't make me any less afraid that it might damage you all the same! I'm a coward, I'm too scared to risk it!"
He could feel his ribs shuddering painfully under the rough and hurried beating of his heart, his jaw ached from how hard his teeth were clenched and his eyes felt like threatening tears were burning them but he didn't look away.
"And I don't think you're pathetic and I never have. Where the hell did that come from anyway?! I know what he did to you, twice. And I wasn't there to stop it, twice and I hate him for that. You were brave but so stupid to try and resist him here alone in the first place. We were going to face him together, weren't we?!"
It was times like this that Hisoka really loathed how small he was. He would never get any taller or more muscular... He was stuck like this, with the close proximity a reminder of how much his height limited him. Having to look up at Tsuzuki during a fight? Embarrassing.
And then Tsuzuki's words cut into him all over again, and he was suddenly yelling so loud that his voice went hoarse, shoving both hands against the taller man's chest to get him the hell away.
"I can't face anything together with you if you're not here! You weren't here!"
"And you didn't think I'd turn up here with you in the end?! You couldn't have waited just a little bit longer for me to find you again?!" He moved his hands to the boy's shoulders, gripping him tightly though not painfully as he lowered his head so he was more on Hisoka's eye level, his voice going quieter, shakier.
"...I'm here... I came... And I'll be with you and follow you wherever you go. I know you have faith in me like I do in you, so why couldn't it have waited just a few more days, just long enough for me to get here too...?"
Both shoulders hunched as Tsuzuki grabbed him, and he resisted the ever growing urge to yank away. With a scowl, his own voice dropped so that he was practically hissing as his hands dropped to his sides.
"Hypocrite. How dare you lecture me for doing things on my own when that's all you ever do!"
The hold the older Shinigami had on the boy loosened a little, his head tilting forward to rest his head against Hisoka's, his eyes closing and as he did so a fine silver trail finally falling from his eyes.
"I know," He barely managed to whisper "...that's why I asked... despite knowing my faults, not just my trivial ones but my most hidden ones, how cowardly I am, what a hypocrite I am... You still brought me back… Why, when you knew all those things about me?"
It was just astounding how dense Tsuzuki could be. And Hisoka thought he was poor at understanding social behavior... Tsuzuki was almost just as bad in regards to feelings involving him.
...But then, Hisoka remembered Tatsumi, and he knew he shouldn't have been surprised.
His hand lifted slowly then, cheeks flushed from being able to feel the other's breath on his face, and brushed his thumb against Tsuzuki's temple to wipe away the tear. His own emotions were so muddled now that it was hard to decipher if he was angry, sad, or amused. Maybe all three... And that was a depressing thought.
Steeling his nerves and preparing for the worst, his tone was trembling as he muttered out, "You really are...a stupid jerk." Then, before he lost his courage, Hisoka closed the already incredibly short distance between them, offering a shy kiss that was so quick one would have missed it if they had blinked.
...oh. Oh, yes. Yes, he was a dense idiot and he was certainly feeling it in that moment. He stared at Hisoka for a long second or two, a slight blush stained against his own cheeks then. There was nothing to put up as an excuse. No curse, no nothing. Damn.
Tsuzuki moved his arms then, curling them protectively around the smaller Shinigami's shoulders and holding him close and he exhaled a heavy sigh and lowered his head beside Hisoka's.
"...so it's alright for me to be here, still?"
His face was hot from embarrassment, but at least Tsuzuki hadn't shoved him away, and Hisoka felt a large weight lift off his shoulders when he couldn't sense even an ounce of disgust or displeasure at what had just occurred.
Sighing, he relaxed a bit and shut his eyes, leaning into Tsuzuki as he muttered out, "I'd track you down and kick your ass if you left."
Tsuzuki gave a touched smiled, his eyes glowing faintly in the dull light and from the glassy look about them, resting a hand on the back of Hisoka's head as he felt him press his weight onto him. He held him there easily as whatever pressure was hanging on him before seeming to melt away.
"I'm not going anywhere, I promise. And you’ve got full permission to kick my ass if I break it."
ooc;