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tampered2007-10-13 09:52 pm
red-dragon-666.livejournal.com) wrote in tampered2007-10-13 09:52 pm
Log; Complete
When; October 11th [After Midnight].
Rating; PG-13 [Violence and Suggestive Content].
Characters; Jr. [![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
red_dragon_666] & Elena [lady_turk].
Summary; Elena doesn't appreciate being locked up, and Jr. doesn't appreciate having her punish his books. Tension leads to a fight, which leads to...other things.PLZ TO BE REMEMBERING, JR. IS NOT ACTUALLY 12. NO SHOTA WERE HARMED.
Log;
There were days when the lingering effects of past curses, be it in emotions, nightmares, or just an overall remembrance of what had happened. For the most part, Elena was quick to dismiss the curses after they happened as a simple matter of course for living in the City. It helped keep her grounded in doing so. But there were those curses, and how people reacted during it, that lingered and stayed, no matter how much Elena wanted to push it out of her mind. The last curse was such a curse.
Situated in her little office, after finally leaving Rufus’s side in the care of the others, Elena was sitting as per the norm in front of her own computer. But she paid little mind to the screen in front of her and instead, had her arms crossed, with one leg partially in the air, lightly moving in a kicking gesture as a sign of agitation. To say that her temper had cooled off any was an outright lie, though she had done her best to control it. And in an effort to do so, it was why she had escaped to her office. To think, or maybe to stew…probably to stew in all likelihood.
Fingers clenching on the sleeves of her arms, Elena growled deep in her throat and her foot started moving faster, but her eyes… Hard but sad and remembering and hating the things she could remember.
He'd been careful to not get close to Elena since returning, knowing her wrath would hit him sooner or later, but he had been hoping for later. He knew that she had a right to yell or vent or whatever, and he'd let her, but the immediate concerns had been more important, like making sure Rufus was all right and checking on Shelley and Sakura. Riza had been sent back once things were clear, and he didn't really care what the Turks did. As much as he didn't want Tseng around, he wasn't going to be so petty as to keep him off the ship during something like this.
Worn out from running all over the damn place, Rubedo took a breather in his room for a couple minutes once things had calmed down, checking the Network quickly to make sure nobody else he knew needed help...before setting off to locate Elena. It really wasn't difficult... He knew his ship, and he knew where she tended to sulk.
Slipping a hand underneath his jacket, he rubbed at a sore shoulder as he headed down the long hallway to the small office he had let her take over awhile back, half expecting it to be locked. It wasn't, though, so he looked rather wary when the door slid right open for him as he stepped in.
"...Elena?"
Her foot froze in its constant movement, but her arms didn’t uncross and it wasn’t quite as easy to turn off her mood just because she wasn’t alone anymore. Holding her breath for a moment, and counting down mentally to help as well, Elena released it after another moment of silence. Of all the people who had to find her, it had to be the person that she was most frustrated with.
A part of her understood it, but understanding something and accepting it were two entirely different things. And quite pointedly, Elena could just not accept what Jr. had done. She might have heckled at being ordered to stay back by Rufus, but Rufus was her boss, no matter how much time had passed. And being her boss, she had to obey orders, to a degree. It wasn’t like Elena didn’t know why he had ordered her and Tseng to stay back. The memories and being given back their stained ID cards…
However, Jr. wasn’t Rufus, and while he had his own reasons for his actions, being cut off on top of everything else just seemed to be the last straw. Even thought she might have wanted to keep signs of her feelings hidden so that it wasn’t noticeable, there was still that tightly contained anger that was easy to read in her voice when she spoke. Anger was always the easiest to show and deal with, but the hardest to hide. Whereas Elena could always hide her other emotions, but dealing with them was much more taxing and she hated showing them to even those she was close with. So if her voice was tense, it was for perfectly understandable reasons.
“… What?”
With a sigh, Rubedo stepped further into the room, letting the door slide shut behind him. This wasn't going to be pretty...but he had dealt with worse. He had told her before... Better to face her healthy and angry than injured and angry.
"I'm sorry for what I did, but you weren't listening to reason, and I didn't have time to argue." One hand dropped from his shoulder to rest against his hip, eyeing the back of her head warily. He wondered what she would have done had she been in his position.
Count to ten… Count backwards… It was with a final sigh that Elena dropped her arms and leaned back into her chair. She was getting a migraine trying to stay calm about everything, but best not to let it show or be known. Which was why she wasn’t spinning around to face Jr. just yet.
“I was listening, but I can’t just sit around and worry. Especially if the person I’m worrying about is my boss.” With a groan, now dropping her head into her hands, Elena closed her eyes and forced herself to think like a professional. Though it was hard. “I understand why you did it… Even if I can’t stand the fact that you did it.”
His heart clenched as she leaned over like that. Guilty on some level, yes...and sorry that it had to happen, but he would in no way take it back. It had been for her safety!
"...I probably wouldn't have been able to stand it if you'd done it to me, either," he whispered. Slowly, he walked away from the door to move over to her terminal, hesitating only a moment before reaching out to rest a hand on her shoulder. "But it's over now. He's alive. All of us are."
Alive. All of them were alive, which was true and having that statement ring true was a great thing, but… Elena’s shoulder tensed when contact was made, but she didn’t make any kind of motion to push it aside or to shove it off. Her temper was controlled, but still only just.
“I’m… I’m glad we’re all alive… But it just...”
Ten and back. Don’t think and best not to remember.
She was being...awfully quiet. Had she really already vented all she needed to? When he had gone into their room, he had seen quite a few things broken... The lamps and the walls had suffered the most. It looked a lot like what he had done after Elena's second death.
Except for the books. She had dared to touch his books, and though they were in one piece, the covers were dented thanks to being thrown around. She knew how much he liked his books... Had that been her payback? Were they even now? If so, then he wasn't going to push it. He'd let the minor damage to his books slide if it meant she was appeased.
Still, with how rigid her muscles were, she didn't seem appeased. With a frown, he stepped back and rested his hands back on his hips. "...It's over. Stop thinking about it. We've handled way worse curses and situations, all right?"
She would have to admit that they’d both gone through a lot worse, but with everything that had happened so far… But this curse… It was too much like that time where it seemed everything was going wrong and there wasn’t anything that she could do. When they were hanging by a thread…
And he was certainly one to tell her to stop thinking about something. She knew that he spent much more time than she did thinking about the past and all the things that they wished they could have done differently. Elena’s mouth was open and she was speaking before she realized it and saying things before even thinking about it.
“Maybe you should take your own advice before giving it to me,” Elena stated tensely. It might have been preparing to start a fight, or purposely picking one, but her control was starting to slip and it was hard to feel regret about it.
That was enough to make both hands drop from his hips, slackened from shock. Had she really just gone there? Rubedo was too startled to even respond at first, taking a step back as he stared at her in a new light. When it came to his thoughts, well... She was usually more sensitive than that. And that was...different.
Everyone had ended up okay during this curse. It was a job well done. There was nothing to brood about! What he did have to brood about, he didn't want to think on right then.
"What's that supposed to mean?" His voice sounded surprisingly cold. "I think the situations are plenty different."
“I’m allowed to think about the past in relation to current events,” Elena said icily, turning in the chair partway so that she could glance at Jr. out of the corner of her eye. “If I don’t feel like just brushing it aside, then I’m not going to pretend to either.” Frustration, anger, and also small part that was feeling weak being reminded that there were so many situations she couldn’t do anything about… All of that peeked out from behind brown eyes that normally were so calm and in control about anything and everything.
And if Jr. was going to be mad at her, then all the better. Then there wouldn’t be any guilt or shame for things said if they could possibly both share in the blame. Sure, this time Elena might have to concede to the brute of the burden, but baring blame and burden was something she was used to.
"In relation to...?" What was she talking about? Had she experienced something like this curse before? Was this where he was just supposed to nod and back off?
Maybe she did need more time to herself... Rubedo wasn't sure what to do. It was hard for him to be angry now when she had a good point. But... "I know, but... You don't need to be snappy about it, like it's my damn fault. Talk to me. I can listen, if something's upsetting you." Again he tried to reach out to rest a hand on her shoulder, trying to turn her so she could face him more, rather than glare at him out of the corner of her eyes.
Not in the mood to be touched, Elena slapped Jr.’s hand away from her shoulder, more just as an angry retort than to make any real effort to actually cause any pain. Spinning around to face him of her own accord, Elena glared, feeling her anger take-over. “I wouldn’t have gone in like a fool! I had orders, but I still wanted to be there to do something when I could!”
Rufus being infected… and then her capture at the hands of the Remnants… The situation was almost the same, only the order of events had switched around. Just like when Tseng had been hurt at the Temple of the Ancients and she’d taken it out on Cloud when she saw him again, Elena was doing something she rarely did and taking out her feelings on someone else. Perhaps if she explained it… But right then, Elena’s head was pounding and she wasn’t thinking clearly enough to come up with the proper explanation for why she was so upset.
Lowering her head a fraction, Elena clenched her fist and forced her words to make some kind of sense, even as she just wanted to throw something. “Again, I was safe and healthy while knowing that he could die any moment… To do nothing… “
“Is it any wonder why I’m pissed off?!”
Rubedo's hand jerked back to press against his chest at the slap, and he stared with wide eyes as she yelled. Well, with an explanation like that... He could understand. He could. But still...
"Sometimes doing nothing is the best thing you can do, Elena!" He clenched that same hand into a fist and glared right back. "I know it's hard! I've had to sit by sometimes, knowing I was unable to do anything! But I did it because I knew there was nothing I could do! Rufus gave you those orders because he had to concentrate on surviving, and if you guys showed up he'd probably be distracted by worrying about you! You endangering yourself could have cost both of you your lives! Trapping you here was the only way to prevent that!"
Here, Elena had to scoff. It was rude and not like her at all, but to think that Rufus would not trust his own Turks to listen to an order when given was underestimating the lot of them. Even as she had protested to it, Elena had not thought to disobey orders and go in to try and save Rufus herself.
“He had a goal and we had orders. Whatever the orders given, I would have followed them, as I have of all other orders given to me in the past.” There was steel and ice in her words, adding more weight and meaning to her words than any elaboration could have done in the same time. Orders to kill. Orders to save. All different kinds of orders, and so many with a risk of death… She followed them all because as long as the Rufus she knew was the same cold man of calculation and one to see his goals through to the very end, she would be loyal.
But, a tiny part of her mind whispered and reminded her that there were orders now that she could never go through with. Knowing that and being reminded of it as she argued with Jr. only served to fuel her ire.
"Oh really? The orders given were for you to stay the hell away from that mansion, and you were still insisting on going down there... You weren't being very convincing about being willing to follow his orders. With how you were acting, what else was I supposed to do? Shelley and Mary may sometimes scold me, but they still know how to follow orders, even if they may want to join me on some missions."
Both arms were folded across his chest now as he stared at her warily. "But I didn't do it because he told me to. I'd do anything to protect you, Elena, no matter how much it pisses you off, because it's better than the alternative!"
“I wasn’t going to go in the mansion, regardless of how it might have seemed to you. And Shelley and Mary aren’t fighters. They’re not bodyguards. It’s not in their place to be the ones to keep you safe from whatever it might be out for your life. However, it is in mine!”
Her heart, now beating in part thanks to Jr. and she’d never forget that fact, seemed to have a hand wrap around it and squeeze as she heard his declaration to protect her and, for a moment, Elena didn’t know what to say. She appreciated it and she did feel that protection he offered, but…
Shoulders tense and body almost quivering with the emotions she couldn’t even figure out anymore, Elena was at a loss for words. And then, like her mouth before, Elena could feel her body moving before she could understand her thoughts. Standing up and then moving closer to where Jr. was, Elena didn’t even think as she grabbed for the front of Jr.’s shirt and pulled him up can close, while she leaned downwards.
Then she was kissing him. Not soft or fun like previous times before. But more angry and frustrated, much like the first time, only this time there was the underlying feeling of love and challenge alongside with it. Lips mashed and pressed hard, expressing what, Elena wasn’t quite sure. Although when she pulled away, Elena still had a grasp on Jr.’s shirt and her words were low and heated, but not as angry as they had been.
“I’ve been tortured twice, once by your brother and once almost to death, and I have died twice, but I don’t plan on dying again anytime soon. Which means I can handle whatever that alternative might be. You can try to protect me, but I’m a fighter and that means I’ll do my own protecting as well.”
He was too thrown by her contradicting words and actions, not knowing now if he was supposed to kiss her or yell at her. But suddenly being so close to her, and she wasn't even trying to pull back, he could no longer keep his hands to himself. Reminded that his own brother had been one of the people to torture her ripped at his heart, and it felt like he was choking on it as he stifled her ranting with another kiss, just as fervent as hers had been.
But it wasn't just going to end like that... There was too much to say now. His own temper had been taut ever since her kidnapping, and her constant venting was now beginning to bend it. It could snap at any given moment.
Still, Rubedo's hands shook as he reached to grab her wrists, yanking them from his jacket and shoving her back against the control terminal behind her, the screen saver being jostled awake at the motion. "You think I don't know you're a fighter, Elena?! That's what gets you into so much trouble! Because you're a fighter, because of your job, and because of me! You'd be safer without me in your life, and that makes protecting you my responsibility! Anyone who hurts you, they're dead! That includes my own brother!"
Anyone who hurts you, they’re dead! That includes my own brother! The shock of that statement was enough to momentarily freeze Elena and derail her emotions into a stunned silence. But that was only for a moment as her temper reasserted itself and she glared.
They say that one good turn deserves another, and in the mood that Elena had worked herself up into, that was the only thing she could think to do right then. She’d never been really physically violent with Jr., or with too many other people for that matter, but that fact didn’t even cross her mind as she retaliated to one shove with her own. Grabbing Jr.’s arm, she switched their positions so that Jr. was now the one pressed up face first against the terminal, but she didn’t let go of the hold she had on him.
Twisting his arm to that it was held up behind his back, but not so high as she could break his arm or that he could if moved the wrong way since she was just mad and out to really hurt, Elena pressed herself up close and bent to hiss in his ear.
“If I’m so much trouble. If I’m that much of a responsibility, and if I’m so cursed as to be the reason that people die around me, then maybe you should just stop bothering with me!”
It was something of the truth. Elena did cause trouble and pain for those she cared about. The other Turks, Tseng especially, and now Jr… She always did something or got involved with something that caused them pain. Which was why she tried so hard not to, but it looked like it still happened anyway.
Biting her bottom lip, Elena bent her head further so that her forehead was now lightly touching Jr.’s back. “I always cause so much pain to those I actually care about… I can’t help but fight so that maybe I can be of use… That there’s something I can do to help. That why I hate it so much when I’m stuck somehow with not being able to even try. Why I’m so mad about what you did to protect me…”
“And I’m sorry about Albedo…”
He honestly hadn't expected Elena to turn this into something of a match, his free arm slamming against the terminals screen so that his face didn't have to. Gritting his teeth, he gave a little jerk, but halted when he realized she had his arm good and tight.
"...It's not like it's the first time I've killed him," he ground out, though his tone wavered as he said that. No matter how many times, it would never stop hurting.
Rubedo could understand why she hated feeling weak...but did she think he never felt useless like that? So many people that he had tried to protect, he had failed. Sakura, Albedo, Nigredo, Canaan, Jin, even chaos...! One after the other. Sometimes being able to fight just wasn't enough.
"You think I want to just give up on this because it's met with some trouble? What love isn't worth fighting for?! Be pissed off all you want, but I'm not going anywhere!" And with his hand clenched into a fist, he shoved hard against the screen, putting just enough distance to allow him to jump and kick against it so that both of them were knocked back right into the chair.
The pain that jolted up his captured arm nearly made him see stars, but the force made the grip weaken just enough for him to yank it free and grab her shoulder, vaulting clean over her to land in a crouch on the other side, not taking his eyes off her. ...It felt like he had pulled a muscle, but it was nothing a quick Medica couldn't fix.
"Are you?"
It was now Elena’s turn to be surprised by Jr.’s moves and the little bit of acrobatics he displayed. She probably shouldn’t have been, but her mind wasn’t exactly working as per normal right then. Although, it was a lot clearer and less overwhelmed by her own frustrations now. Venting, in however unconditional manner it had been in, had helped, but now they were at the center of everything and they’d pretty much laid things out on the table to deal with.
It wasn’t to say that she still wasn’t mad or upset, but not so much so. A normal conversation, and one that really needed to be had, could actually be had between the two of them, calmly and rationally. But first things first. Assuring Jr. of a few facts that she planned getting through his head, one way or another.
Leaning back and turning around so that she could face him, Elena reached out to swat at his face. It was more of a gesture to mimic the actions they’d taken, than as a real move to slap him. “That’s a stupid question. Even if I leave, I’ll come back. If I’m still here when I’m pissed and we’re trying to one-up on each other, then picture the fight I’d make to stay.”
No matter the intention, slaps stung, and with his arm already sore, he was getting damn annoyed. Still, her words were a relief, and it showed in his half-second smile before he snagged the arm of the hand that had just struck him.
"Can't say your question was any brighter, honey. Do I get a smack in, too?" Yanking her close, just close enough, he hooked her ankle with his foot and pushed her shoulder back, releasing her arm to let gravity take care of the rest. "'Cause I'm beginning to feel awfully abused here."
Did he just call me ‘honey’? was Elena’s thought before she found herself looking up at Jr. from her place on the floor. That… was sneaky. Not that she completely disapproved, but it was still very sneaky of him. Flopping over so that she was now lying completely on her back, Elena crossed her arms underneath her chest and did her best to imitate a frown, though there was no heat in it or in her eyes to make it seem more than just a moving of the muscles in her face. “Now who’s being abused? As for the smack…”
“That depends on where you smack I suppose,” Elena stated before using her legs, and the fact that they were conveniently near Jr.’s feet, to trip up Jr. himself. “But I think I’d rather have you join me on the floor first.”
Her remark about smacking had him so red in the face that he wasn't even looking at her feet, too flushed and startled to know what was going on before his feet suddenly flew out from beneath him. I was natural reflexes that kept him from landing flat on his back, instead rolling back to steady himself in another crouch.
There would be bruises tomorrow, anyway. What were a few more?
With an inaudible mutter at his now very sore arm and shoulder, he crawled forward slowly, slinking over until he was practically straddling her waist. "Oh yeah? What, are we moving onto grappling now?"
“Not yet because that would involve grabbing and being a lot more physical, wouldn’t it?” Elena teased, sticking out her tongue at the end. From fighting and frustration to flirting and being childish… It just seemed so natural to do so that it was hard not to get caught up in the flow of things.
They still needed to talk and find a way to work things out, now that things between them were aired out, but this was the first time in a while that probably either of them had been in this kind of mood and Elena didn’t want to ruin that with bringing up the subject again. However, it might have been the best time to talk…
Letting out a small sigh, Elena just let her thoughts roam, now calm and clear, while her hand came up to rest on Jr.’s thigh. She had been the instantiater of all this, so maybe it would be best to give Jr. the choice of where he wanted to take this next.
That made him pause and sit back, glancing down to the hand on his thigh. Despite the joking air, it was a serious decision. There was a reason that they hadn't gotten physical in a couple months now, and that reason was distinctly linked with Tseng and the issue of trust.
But if he didn't trust her anymore, then they had no business being in a relationship period, sexual or not. It was worth fighting for... Wasn't that what he had said?
Still, he felt incredibly self-conscious now, as he touched her hand, letting his fingertips trace their way up her arm. There were levels of trust, and while he trusted her feelings for him, he would always wonder on her feelings for Tseng... Would he be getting compared? Would she be less into it? As much of a wildcat as she had tended to be in the past, he was reluctant to find out if the passion had died on her end.
Frustrated with his own thoughts, he let his hand drift to her shoulder to grip for leverage as he leaned back down to let his mouth hover over hers. "Trust me, I've got no problem with that."
The corny thing to do would have been to give some cheesy reply about how she did trust him and all that. But one, Elena wasn’t too much into the entire corny bit, and two, it wasn’t an issue with her trusting him. That was a given with her words and with her actions, though some previous actions had tainted that trust on his end. And she didn’t really blame him for that. Became a little annoyed with it sometimes, but she didn’t blame him for it.
So instead of a corny reply, Elena went with what tended to work best for her. It was simple to pull Jr.’s face down with her other hand and move hers up a little so that they were kissing again, but this time was much like the others and not like the last two angry and pent-up kisses.
There weren’t any thoughts of Tseng and there weren’t any thoughts of anyone else either, but she could say that a hundred times and it wouldn’t mean anything if he didn’t believe her. So Elena just had to try and express that sentiment in the few ways she knew how. That she was only kissing Jr. and there wasn’t any comparison. That she really did enjoy kissing him so long as he enjoyed kissing her.
Kissing her was definitely one of the many things he enjoyed, which he eagerly conveyed as he eased down until he was lying comfortably on top of her. Rubedo rested his elbow next to her head to keep him propped up just enough to leave a touch of space between their upper bodies.
The hand that had rested on her shoulder moved up to cup her jawline, fingers brushing her hair back and tracing her earlobe as their lips parted and joined again and again, parted just enough to allow the renewed exploration of tongue and mouth. Honestly, he could have kissed her all night, but the very suggestion that they could finally do more was enough to arouse him nearly to the point of pain.
Nice. So very nice to be kissing like this again, and that feelings had gotten through and that they could act on it. On the floor of her own little space might not have been her first thought to where she’d like to, but it did have the bonus of being rarely visited by anyone besides Elena and spaced away from any other generally occupied rooms. Which was the most important part actually.
The hand that had been on his thigh moved when Jr. moved to lie down so that it was now resting on his back, but just leaving it resting there wasn’t really in the plan. Rubbing his back and then tugging up his shirt a bit so that it was her hand that was touching his back instead fit in more with the idea that Elena had in mind. Her other hand wrapped around his neck and played with the ends of Jr.’s hair, making little strokes with her fingers at the junction between neck and shoulder. If he moved off her a bit, she could do more, but Elena wasn’t going to be the one to push him off as she had been doing quite a bit of beating up on him.
Rating; PG-13 [Violence and Suggestive Content].
Characters; Jr. [
red_dragon_666] & Elena [lady_turk].Summary; Elena doesn't appreciate being locked up, and Jr. doesn't appreciate having her punish his books. Tension leads to a fight, which leads to...other things.
Log;
There were days when the lingering effects of past curses, be it in emotions, nightmares, or just an overall remembrance of what had happened. For the most part, Elena was quick to dismiss the curses after they happened as a simple matter of course for living in the City. It helped keep her grounded in doing so. But there were those curses, and how people reacted during it, that lingered and stayed, no matter how much Elena wanted to push it out of her mind. The last curse was such a curse.
Situated in her little office, after finally leaving Rufus’s side in the care of the others, Elena was sitting as per the norm in front of her own computer. But she paid little mind to the screen in front of her and instead, had her arms crossed, with one leg partially in the air, lightly moving in a kicking gesture as a sign of agitation. To say that her temper had cooled off any was an outright lie, though she had done her best to control it. And in an effort to do so, it was why she had escaped to her office. To think, or maybe to stew…probably to stew in all likelihood.
Fingers clenching on the sleeves of her arms, Elena growled deep in her throat and her foot started moving faster, but her eyes… Hard but sad and remembering and hating the things she could remember.
He'd been careful to not get close to Elena since returning, knowing her wrath would hit him sooner or later, but he had been hoping for later. He knew that she had a right to yell or vent or whatever, and he'd let her, but the immediate concerns had been more important, like making sure Rufus was all right and checking on Shelley and Sakura. Riza had been sent back once things were clear, and he didn't really care what the Turks did. As much as he didn't want Tseng around, he wasn't going to be so petty as to keep him off the ship during something like this.
Worn out from running all over the damn place, Rubedo took a breather in his room for a couple minutes once things had calmed down, checking the Network quickly to make sure nobody else he knew needed help...before setting off to locate Elena. It really wasn't difficult... He knew his ship, and he knew where she tended to sulk.
Slipping a hand underneath his jacket, he rubbed at a sore shoulder as he headed down the long hallway to the small office he had let her take over awhile back, half expecting it to be locked. It wasn't, though, so he looked rather wary when the door slid right open for him as he stepped in.
"...Elena?"
Her foot froze in its constant movement, but her arms didn’t uncross and it wasn’t quite as easy to turn off her mood just because she wasn’t alone anymore. Holding her breath for a moment, and counting down mentally to help as well, Elena released it after another moment of silence. Of all the people who had to find her, it had to be the person that she was most frustrated with.
A part of her understood it, but understanding something and accepting it were two entirely different things. And quite pointedly, Elena could just not accept what Jr. had done. She might have heckled at being ordered to stay back by Rufus, but Rufus was her boss, no matter how much time had passed. And being her boss, she had to obey orders, to a degree. It wasn’t like Elena didn’t know why he had ordered her and Tseng to stay back. The memories and being given back their stained ID cards…
However, Jr. wasn’t Rufus, and while he had his own reasons for his actions, being cut off on top of everything else just seemed to be the last straw. Even thought she might have wanted to keep signs of her feelings hidden so that it wasn’t noticeable, there was still that tightly contained anger that was easy to read in her voice when she spoke. Anger was always the easiest to show and deal with, but the hardest to hide. Whereas Elena could always hide her other emotions, but dealing with them was much more taxing and she hated showing them to even those she was close with. So if her voice was tense, it was for perfectly understandable reasons.
“… What?”
With a sigh, Rubedo stepped further into the room, letting the door slide shut behind him. This wasn't going to be pretty...but he had dealt with worse. He had told her before... Better to face her healthy and angry than injured and angry.
"I'm sorry for what I did, but you weren't listening to reason, and I didn't have time to argue." One hand dropped from his shoulder to rest against his hip, eyeing the back of her head warily. He wondered what she would have done had she been in his position.
Count to ten… Count backwards… It was with a final sigh that Elena dropped her arms and leaned back into her chair. She was getting a migraine trying to stay calm about everything, but best not to let it show or be known. Which was why she wasn’t spinning around to face Jr. just yet.
“I was listening, but I can’t just sit around and worry. Especially if the person I’m worrying about is my boss.” With a groan, now dropping her head into her hands, Elena closed her eyes and forced herself to think like a professional. Though it was hard. “I understand why you did it… Even if I can’t stand the fact that you did it.”
His heart clenched as she leaned over like that. Guilty on some level, yes...and sorry that it had to happen, but he would in no way take it back. It had been for her safety!
"...I probably wouldn't have been able to stand it if you'd done it to me, either," he whispered. Slowly, he walked away from the door to move over to her terminal, hesitating only a moment before reaching out to rest a hand on her shoulder. "But it's over now. He's alive. All of us are."
Alive. All of them were alive, which was true and having that statement ring true was a great thing, but… Elena’s shoulder tensed when contact was made, but she didn’t make any kind of motion to push it aside or to shove it off. Her temper was controlled, but still only just.
“I’m… I’m glad we’re all alive… But it just...”
Ten and back. Don’t think and best not to remember.
She was being...awfully quiet. Had she really already vented all she needed to? When he had gone into their room, he had seen quite a few things broken... The lamps and the walls had suffered the most. It looked a lot like what he had done after Elena's second death.
Except for the books. She had dared to touch his books, and though they were in one piece, the covers were dented thanks to being thrown around. She knew how much he liked his books... Had that been her payback? Were they even now? If so, then he wasn't going to push it. He'd let the minor damage to his books slide if it meant she was appeased.
Still, with how rigid her muscles were, she didn't seem appeased. With a frown, he stepped back and rested his hands back on his hips. "...It's over. Stop thinking about it. We've handled way worse curses and situations, all right?"
She would have to admit that they’d both gone through a lot worse, but with everything that had happened so far… But this curse… It was too much like that time where it seemed everything was going wrong and there wasn’t anything that she could do. When they were hanging by a thread…
And he was certainly one to tell her to stop thinking about something. She knew that he spent much more time than she did thinking about the past and all the things that they wished they could have done differently. Elena’s mouth was open and she was speaking before she realized it and saying things before even thinking about it.
“Maybe you should take your own advice before giving it to me,” Elena stated tensely. It might have been preparing to start a fight, or purposely picking one, but her control was starting to slip and it was hard to feel regret about it.
That was enough to make both hands drop from his hips, slackened from shock. Had she really just gone there? Rubedo was too startled to even respond at first, taking a step back as he stared at her in a new light. When it came to his thoughts, well... She was usually more sensitive than that. And that was...different.
Everyone had ended up okay during this curse. It was a job well done. There was nothing to brood about! What he did have to brood about, he didn't want to think on right then.
"What's that supposed to mean?" His voice sounded surprisingly cold. "I think the situations are plenty different."
“I’m allowed to think about the past in relation to current events,” Elena said icily, turning in the chair partway so that she could glance at Jr. out of the corner of her eye. “If I don’t feel like just brushing it aside, then I’m not going to pretend to either.” Frustration, anger, and also small part that was feeling weak being reminded that there were so many situations she couldn’t do anything about… All of that peeked out from behind brown eyes that normally were so calm and in control about anything and everything.
And if Jr. was going to be mad at her, then all the better. Then there wouldn’t be any guilt or shame for things said if they could possibly both share in the blame. Sure, this time Elena might have to concede to the brute of the burden, but baring blame and burden was something she was used to.
"In relation to...?" What was she talking about? Had she experienced something like this curse before? Was this where he was just supposed to nod and back off?
Maybe she did need more time to herself... Rubedo wasn't sure what to do. It was hard for him to be angry now when she had a good point. But... "I know, but... You don't need to be snappy about it, like it's my damn fault. Talk to me. I can listen, if something's upsetting you." Again he tried to reach out to rest a hand on her shoulder, trying to turn her so she could face him more, rather than glare at him out of the corner of her eyes.
Not in the mood to be touched, Elena slapped Jr.’s hand away from her shoulder, more just as an angry retort than to make any real effort to actually cause any pain. Spinning around to face him of her own accord, Elena glared, feeling her anger take-over. “I wouldn’t have gone in like a fool! I had orders, but I still wanted to be there to do something when I could!”
Rufus being infected… and then her capture at the hands of the Remnants… The situation was almost the same, only the order of events had switched around. Just like when Tseng had been hurt at the Temple of the Ancients and she’d taken it out on Cloud when she saw him again, Elena was doing something she rarely did and taking out her feelings on someone else. Perhaps if she explained it… But right then, Elena’s head was pounding and she wasn’t thinking clearly enough to come up with the proper explanation for why she was so upset.
Lowering her head a fraction, Elena clenched her fist and forced her words to make some kind of sense, even as she just wanted to throw something. “Again, I was safe and healthy while knowing that he could die any moment… To do nothing… “
“Is it any wonder why I’m pissed off?!”
Rubedo's hand jerked back to press against his chest at the slap, and he stared with wide eyes as she yelled. Well, with an explanation like that... He could understand. He could. But still...
"Sometimes doing nothing is the best thing you can do, Elena!" He clenched that same hand into a fist and glared right back. "I know it's hard! I've had to sit by sometimes, knowing I was unable to do anything! But I did it because I knew there was nothing I could do! Rufus gave you those orders because he had to concentrate on surviving, and if you guys showed up he'd probably be distracted by worrying about you! You endangering yourself could have cost both of you your lives! Trapping you here was the only way to prevent that!"
Here, Elena had to scoff. It was rude and not like her at all, but to think that Rufus would not trust his own Turks to listen to an order when given was underestimating the lot of them. Even as she had protested to it, Elena had not thought to disobey orders and go in to try and save Rufus herself.
“He had a goal and we had orders. Whatever the orders given, I would have followed them, as I have of all other orders given to me in the past.” There was steel and ice in her words, adding more weight and meaning to her words than any elaboration could have done in the same time. Orders to kill. Orders to save. All different kinds of orders, and so many with a risk of death… She followed them all because as long as the Rufus she knew was the same cold man of calculation and one to see his goals through to the very end, she would be loyal.
But, a tiny part of her mind whispered and reminded her that there were orders now that she could never go through with. Knowing that and being reminded of it as she argued with Jr. only served to fuel her ire.
"Oh really? The orders given were for you to stay the hell away from that mansion, and you were still insisting on going down there... You weren't being very convincing about being willing to follow his orders. With how you were acting, what else was I supposed to do? Shelley and Mary may sometimes scold me, but they still know how to follow orders, even if they may want to join me on some missions."
Both arms were folded across his chest now as he stared at her warily. "But I didn't do it because he told me to. I'd do anything to protect you, Elena, no matter how much it pisses you off, because it's better than the alternative!"
“I wasn’t going to go in the mansion, regardless of how it might have seemed to you. And Shelley and Mary aren’t fighters. They’re not bodyguards. It’s not in their place to be the ones to keep you safe from whatever it might be out for your life. However, it is in mine!”
Her heart, now beating in part thanks to Jr. and she’d never forget that fact, seemed to have a hand wrap around it and squeeze as she heard his declaration to protect her and, for a moment, Elena didn’t know what to say. She appreciated it and she did feel that protection he offered, but…
Shoulders tense and body almost quivering with the emotions she couldn’t even figure out anymore, Elena was at a loss for words. And then, like her mouth before, Elena could feel her body moving before she could understand her thoughts. Standing up and then moving closer to where Jr. was, Elena didn’t even think as she grabbed for the front of Jr.’s shirt and pulled him up can close, while she leaned downwards.
Then she was kissing him. Not soft or fun like previous times before. But more angry and frustrated, much like the first time, only this time there was the underlying feeling of love and challenge alongside with it. Lips mashed and pressed hard, expressing what, Elena wasn’t quite sure. Although when she pulled away, Elena still had a grasp on Jr.’s shirt and her words were low and heated, but not as angry as they had been.
“I’ve been tortured twice, once by your brother and once almost to death, and I have died twice, but I don’t plan on dying again anytime soon. Which means I can handle whatever that alternative might be. You can try to protect me, but I’m a fighter and that means I’ll do my own protecting as well.”
He was too thrown by her contradicting words and actions, not knowing now if he was supposed to kiss her or yell at her. But suddenly being so close to her, and she wasn't even trying to pull back, he could no longer keep his hands to himself. Reminded that his own brother had been one of the people to torture her ripped at his heart, and it felt like he was choking on it as he stifled her ranting with another kiss, just as fervent as hers had been.
But it wasn't just going to end like that... There was too much to say now. His own temper had been taut ever since her kidnapping, and her constant venting was now beginning to bend it. It could snap at any given moment.
Still, Rubedo's hands shook as he reached to grab her wrists, yanking them from his jacket and shoving her back against the control terminal behind her, the screen saver being jostled awake at the motion. "You think I don't know you're a fighter, Elena?! That's what gets you into so much trouble! Because you're a fighter, because of your job, and because of me! You'd be safer without me in your life, and that makes protecting you my responsibility! Anyone who hurts you, they're dead! That includes my own brother!"
Anyone who hurts you, they’re dead! That includes my own brother! The shock of that statement was enough to momentarily freeze Elena and derail her emotions into a stunned silence. But that was only for a moment as her temper reasserted itself and she glared.
They say that one good turn deserves another, and in the mood that Elena had worked herself up into, that was the only thing she could think to do right then. She’d never been really physically violent with Jr., or with too many other people for that matter, but that fact didn’t even cross her mind as she retaliated to one shove with her own. Grabbing Jr.’s arm, she switched their positions so that Jr. was now the one pressed up face first against the terminal, but she didn’t let go of the hold she had on him.
Twisting his arm to that it was held up behind his back, but not so high as she could break his arm or that he could if moved the wrong way since she was just mad and out to really hurt, Elena pressed herself up close and bent to hiss in his ear.
“If I’m so much trouble. If I’m that much of a responsibility, and if I’m so cursed as to be the reason that people die around me, then maybe you should just stop bothering with me!”
It was something of the truth. Elena did cause trouble and pain for those she cared about. The other Turks, Tseng especially, and now Jr… She always did something or got involved with something that caused them pain. Which was why she tried so hard not to, but it looked like it still happened anyway.
Biting her bottom lip, Elena bent her head further so that her forehead was now lightly touching Jr.’s back. “I always cause so much pain to those I actually care about… I can’t help but fight so that maybe I can be of use… That there’s something I can do to help. That why I hate it so much when I’m stuck somehow with not being able to even try. Why I’m so mad about what you did to protect me…”
“And I’m sorry about Albedo…”
He honestly hadn't expected Elena to turn this into something of a match, his free arm slamming against the terminals screen so that his face didn't have to. Gritting his teeth, he gave a little jerk, but halted when he realized she had his arm good and tight.
"...It's not like it's the first time I've killed him," he ground out, though his tone wavered as he said that. No matter how many times, it would never stop hurting.
Rubedo could understand why she hated feeling weak...but did she think he never felt useless like that? So many people that he had tried to protect, he had failed. Sakura, Albedo, Nigredo, Canaan, Jin, even chaos...! One after the other. Sometimes being able to fight just wasn't enough.
"You think I want to just give up on this because it's met with some trouble? What love isn't worth fighting for?! Be pissed off all you want, but I'm not going anywhere!" And with his hand clenched into a fist, he shoved hard against the screen, putting just enough distance to allow him to jump and kick against it so that both of them were knocked back right into the chair.
The pain that jolted up his captured arm nearly made him see stars, but the force made the grip weaken just enough for him to yank it free and grab her shoulder, vaulting clean over her to land in a crouch on the other side, not taking his eyes off her. ...It felt like he had pulled a muscle, but it was nothing a quick Medica couldn't fix.
"Are you?"
It was now Elena’s turn to be surprised by Jr.’s moves and the little bit of acrobatics he displayed. She probably shouldn’t have been, but her mind wasn’t exactly working as per normal right then. Although, it was a lot clearer and less overwhelmed by her own frustrations now. Venting, in however unconditional manner it had been in, had helped, but now they were at the center of everything and they’d pretty much laid things out on the table to deal with.
It wasn’t to say that she still wasn’t mad or upset, but not so much so. A normal conversation, and one that really needed to be had, could actually be had between the two of them, calmly and rationally. But first things first. Assuring Jr. of a few facts that she planned getting through his head, one way or another.
Leaning back and turning around so that she could face him, Elena reached out to swat at his face. It was more of a gesture to mimic the actions they’d taken, than as a real move to slap him. “That’s a stupid question. Even if I leave, I’ll come back. If I’m still here when I’m pissed and we’re trying to one-up on each other, then picture the fight I’d make to stay.”
No matter the intention, slaps stung, and with his arm already sore, he was getting damn annoyed. Still, her words were a relief, and it showed in his half-second smile before he snagged the arm of the hand that had just struck him.
"Can't say your question was any brighter, honey. Do I get a smack in, too?" Yanking her close, just close enough, he hooked her ankle with his foot and pushed her shoulder back, releasing her arm to let gravity take care of the rest. "'Cause I'm beginning to feel awfully abused here."
Did he just call me ‘honey’? was Elena’s thought before she found herself looking up at Jr. from her place on the floor. That… was sneaky. Not that she completely disapproved, but it was still very sneaky of him. Flopping over so that she was now lying completely on her back, Elena crossed her arms underneath her chest and did her best to imitate a frown, though there was no heat in it or in her eyes to make it seem more than just a moving of the muscles in her face. “Now who’s being abused? As for the smack…”
“That depends on where you smack I suppose,” Elena stated before using her legs, and the fact that they were conveniently near Jr.’s feet, to trip up Jr. himself. “But I think I’d rather have you join me on the floor first.”
Her remark about smacking had him so red in the face that he wasn't even looking at her feet, too flushed and startled to know what was going on before his feet suddenly flew out from beneath him. I was natural reflexes that kept him from landing flat on his back, instead rolling back to steady himself in another crouch.
There would be bruises tomorrow, anyway. What were a few more?
With an inaudible mutter at his now very sore arm and shoulder, he crawled forward slowly, slinking over until he was practically straddling her waist. "Oh yeah? What, are we moving onto grappling now?"
“Not yet because that would involve grabbing and being a lot more physical, wouldn’t it?” Elena teased, sticking out her tongue at the end. From fighting and frustration to flirting and being childish… It just seemed so natural to do so that it was hard not to get caught up in the flow of things.
They still needed to talk and find a way to work things out, now that things between them were aired out, but this was the first time in a while that probably either of them had been in this kind of mood and Elena didn’t want to ruin that with bringing up the subject again. However, it might have been the best time to talk…
Letting out a small sigh, Elena just let her thoughts roam, now calm and clear, while her hand came up to rest on Jr.’s thigh. She had been the instantiater of all this, so maybe it would be best to give Jr. the choice of where he wanted to take this next.
That made him pause and sit back, glancing down to the hand on his thigh. Despite the joking air, it was a serious decision. There was a reason that they hadn't gotten physical in a couple months now, and that reason was distinctly linked with Tseng and the issue of trust.
But if he didn't trust her anymore, then they had no business being in a relationship period, sexual or not. It was worth fighting for... Wasn't that what he had said?
Still, he felt incredibly self-conscious now, as he touched her hand, letting his fingertips trace their way up her arm. There were levels of trust, and while he trusted her feelings for him, he would always wonder on her feelings for Tseng... Would he be getting compared? Would she be less into it? As much of a wildcat as she had tended to be in the past, he was reluctant to find out if the passion had died on her end.
Frustrated with his own thoughts, he let his hand drift to her shoulder to grip for leverage as he leaned back down to let his mouth hover over hers. "Trust me, I've got no problem with that."
The corny thing to do would have been to give some cheesy reply about how she did trust him and all that. But one, Elena wasn’t too much into the entire corny bit, and two, it wasn’t an issue with her trusting him. That was a given with her words and with her actions, though some previous actions had tainted that trust on his end. And she didn’t really blame him for that. Became a little annoyed with it sometimes, but she didn’t blame him for it.
So instead of a corny reply, Elena went with what tended to work best for her. It was simple to pull Jr.’s face down with her other hand and move hers up a little so that they were kissing again, but this time was much like the others and not like the last two angry and pent-up kisses.
There weren’t any thoughts of Tseng and there weren’t any thoughts of anyone else either, but she could say that a hundred times and it wouldn’t mean anything if he didn’t believe her. So Elena just had to try and express that sentiment in the few ways she knew how. That she was only kissing Jr. and there wasn’t any comparison. That she really did enjoy kissing him so long as he enjoyed kissing her.
Kissing her was definitely one of the many things he enjoyed, which he eagerly conveyed as he eased down until he was lying comfortably on top of her. Rubedo rested his elbow next to her head to keep him propped up just enough to leave a touch of space between their upper bodies.
The hand that had rested on her shoulder moved up to cup her jawline, fingers brushing her hair back and tracing her earlobe as their lips parted and joined again and again, parted just enough to allow the renewed exploration of tongue and mouth. Honestly, he could have kissed her all night, but the very suggestion that they could finally do more was enough to arouse him nearly to the point of pain.
Nice. So very nice to be kissing like this again, and that feelings had gotten through and that they could act on it. On the floor of her own little space might not have been her first thought to where she’d like to, but it did have the bonus of being rarely visited by anyone besides Elena and spaced away from any other generally occupied rooms. Which was the most important part actually.
The hand that had been on his thigh moved when Jr. moved to lie down so that it was now resting on his back, but just leaving it resting there wasn’t really in the plan. Rubbing his back and then tugging up his shirt a bit so that it was her hand that was touching his back instead fit in more with the idea that Elena had in mind. Her other hand wrapped around his neck and played with the ends of Jr.’s hair, making little strokes with her fingers at the junction between neck and shoulder. If he moved off her a bit, she could do more, but Elena wasn’t going to be the one to push him off as she had been doing quite a bit of beating up on him.