Log; Complete - Backlog

[wearedarkness.livejournal.com]

When; October 30th [ Late morning/Early afternoon ]
Rating; PG-13 for mentions of torture and violence?
Characters; Kurosaki Hisoka [empathed] and Tsuzuki Asato [wearedarkness]
Summary; After the witch-hunt curse is over and Hisoka is returned home. Since Hisoka was caught and tortured shortly after this to confess he was a witch and so much went on there had been no time to talk out matters that had occurred with Tsuzuki being baited to see Muraki. Since being rescued, Hisoka had been giving Tsuzuki the cold shoulder which eventually becomes a bit too much...

Log;
It had been a trying few days, really. It wasn't like work was hard... That was the easy part. It distracted him and gave him something useful to do. But once work was over, he would need to either train to keep distracting himself, or go home and deal with Tsuzuki. And though he was eager to keep training, he didn't want to deal with interruptions from strangers, and he didn't want his fellow shinigami to think he was being reckless.

Of course, it wasn't easy giving Tsuzuki the silent treatment, but Hisoka had so many things to be frustrated about. Perhaps not allowing himself time to rest and recover after the witch trials had left him strained, and not talking about what Tsuzuki had done before that made his irritation grow even more.

He figured it was probably best just to ignore Tsuzuki for awhile, hoping that he could cool down. Other than talking to him when he absolutely had to, Hisoka had been giving his partner a rather harsh version of the cold shoulder. He could feel Tsuzuki's guilt, though, and each time it felt like it was his own.

High strung and frustrated that he just wasn't feeling any better, Hisoka changed out of his work shirt into a simple sweater before snatching up his katana and heading for the front door. He didn't have the proper clothes to train in yet, but if he saved up it wouldn't be too long...

"Don't wait up for me," the teenager called out coldly as he moved to pull on his shoes.

'Trying' was certainly one of many words for it; Tsuzuki was emotionally exhausted even after all the sleeping he'd been doing. Perhaps it was the most innocent form of passing time he could muster and It certainly did take large chunks of the day away and surely it also gave Hisoka a break. He was only too aware that his own feelings must be floating around and hanging themselves heavily upon his partner. Sleeping was a way to avoid it, for both of them but he could only do it for so long.

Fixing the stove had been an oddly useful distraction too. With that done though he'd been sort of at a loss as to what to do with himself. Hisoka returning hadn't startled him so much as make him panic, try and find a way to guard and hold back his feelings, even though he hadn't said much at all. It was easy enough to wear a mask but harder to hide the inner feelings from an empath.

He opening his mouth to say something as Hisoka had walked right past him, but he closed it again. He had no right to question Hisoka and he knew he deserved that treatment but damn... It was getting so hard. When the younger Shinigami walked by again Tsuzuki just nodded, staying where he was trying to keep his thoughts in check. Something shifted then, he couldn't have predicted it himself but something in his head, enough. He moved suddenly, unthinkingly wrapping his arms tightly around Hisoka's waist and bowing his head to touch it to the teen's shoulder. "Hisoka... Please. Please, don't go again. I can't... It's too hard. Please, I know I'm an idiot, and a hypocrite and I deserve all this and I'm a sorry excuse for a partner and... everything but..." He couldn't stop the words tumbling out. Shut up, shut up, you've got no right to tell him any of this! Tsuzuki kept his arms around the boy, slipping to his knees and pressing his face to the small of Hisoka's back "...please."

Hisoka visibly stiffened at the first touch, the arms around his waist halting him from putting on his shoes. Why... Why did Tsuzuki have to do this now? Why couldn't he have just waited? Hisoka could have gone to the forest, done some training with the monsters there, and maybe returned home feeling a little better...

...But then, that was a big maybe.

His knuckles were white from how tightly he was gripping the saya, eyes set on the shut door in front of him as Tsuzuki Asato dropped to his knees and all but begged for Hisoka to stay. Why? Why do you keep trying so hard, Tsuzuki, as much as I shoot you down?

The sorrow and desperation and guilt that Tsuzuki felt was suffocating, and Hisoka was sickened by it. He couldn't help it. And that made him feel guilty.

"How dare you..." His soft voice trembled with an emotion that he couldn't name, his grip twisting the cord around the saya as he tried to wrench Tsuzuki's hands off of him. "You're sitting there begging...sounding like that...! Making me look like I'm some kind of monster for putting you in that position?! You did it to yourself! Your thoughts and everything...you already keep those secret! But going behind my...our backs to Muraki, in some stupid effort to protect us? What do you take us for? You betrayed me!"

Quickly, Hisoka corrected himself, voice catching. "U-us. You betrayed us!"

It was true in his mind, there was nothing he could put forward as a form of defence to that; it was all true and he knew it. His fingers curled into the material of Hisoka's sweater, in two minds about letting go and clinging tighter and keeping his head bowed.

"...I know. I know I've got no right at all. I've got no excuse either, none at all. I just... can't stand the silence. You've not done anything to put me here, really. You didn't move out or anything so I should be grateful for that just but..." He could feel his shoulders shaking, his grip involuntarily tightening a little "I wanted-- I couldn't just walk away knowing he might do something. And I know you can all look after yourself, I know that, but if something had happened... I wouldn't have forgiven myself, especially with the kids here too now."

Tsuzuki drew in a shaky breath, forcing himself to release Hisoka "...but I should have said something. I know that... To you especially... I know. I never meant to... make you feel betrayed... Not ever. I'm sorry."

He couldn't even bring himself to lift his eyes to Hisoka. He felt like the lowest thing in existence. Not a new feeling, of course, but it was especially strong for the time being.

With a sharp intake of breath, Hisoka shut his eyes and tried to calm himself. He needed to separate Tsuzuki's feelings from his and sort his own out. Tsuzuki's emotions had always been especially overpowering...and he couldn't let them guilt him every time.

There were so many times that he had crumbled because of that guilt, or because of a well timed puppy expression. Not this time... Even if it did make him look like a monster. He wasn't going to just say it was all okay now, just because Tsuzuki felt bad.

Finally released, Hisoka stepped away and turned to look down at Tsuzuki. So pitiful... "Stop apologizing! I already know you're sorry, you idiot. I already know that! Get up off the ground, Tsuzuki!"

How dare he! "Just because you feel bad, you think it's okay to degrade yourself like that? You have no right to grovel there just because I've been giving you the silent treatment for a couple of days...when all I could think of in that cell was how I had to be strong like you!" He grit his teeth, understanding now why he was so furious at this display just as he explained it. "Always... I've always looked up to you, since I saw you fight! And so I thought, as that bitch dug her knife into me and carved out words I don't even understand...while I was choking on my blood, I thought 'Be strong, Kurosaki! Think of Tsuzuki! He would never give in!' And I know I'm right! Being who you are to me..."

He was shouting before he could stop himself, flinging the katana and sheathe down at Tsuzuki. "You aren't allowed to crouch there like you're nothing but a dog!"


Those words jolted through Tsuzuki and struck so many places he found his breath stick in this throat. His head had finally risen though and his amethyst eyes were wide and staring right at Hisoka, an arm moving from pure reaction to catch the katana before it hit, his arm trembling a little however.

"Hisoka..." And his arm wasn't the only thing trembling, his voice was too. Looked up to him? Was that really so? Hisoka had never made out that was the case... Or had he? Tsuzuki was so dense when it came to himself that maybe Hisoka had been doing things constantly to try and make that admiration clear and he just hadn't noticed it at all. On the other hand, he could have just been Hisoka and tried especially hard to hide that fact. And he knew he was powerful, it was an understatement in fact. It wasn't even a boastful thing either and when it was pointed out to others Tsuzuki just didn't seem to acknowledge it too well, carrying on with whatever he was doing while other gawked: him?! That idiot was the best Enmachou had to offer? Seriously? That slacker?! It never really registered that deeply in him - it was just what he did, after all. For some reason then, the fact someone as strong as Hisoka looked to him for strength... It was a surprise to him to say the least.

He didn't want to hear about what had happened during the witch hunt either. It was like he had feared and it made him clench his teeth as a ripple of anger and disgust flowed through him toward the faceless people who had done that to Hisoka, and countless others in the city. It was a change from the guilt, at least.

He drew in a deep breath, closing his eyes and using the katana to push himself to a stand, looking down at Hisoka then, his expression a little firmer as he held the weapon out to the boy once more. "You are the only person who has any means to bring me down like that. I wouldn't for anyone else, don't misunderstand me, Hisoka. And I'm not saying that to make you feel guilty or anything like that, it's just a fact. I don't think you know how much your opinion of me really does matter. I wanted to come for you because I had the means to do so, but to blow our cover would have meant so much effort would have been wasted. I knew you'd come out fine... But it didn't stop me wanting to go find you before we actually did."

It was a relief to have Tsuzuki stand and face him, because he just couldn't handle him grovelling like that, no matter what reason it was. ...Even if the reason sounded like a pretty good one. While the recognition did make him feel guilty, it made his face feel hot as well, making him hope it wasn't an obvious blush. The knowledge that his opinion mattered that much to Tsuzuki was enough to make him completely flustered, and the only way to cover that up was to keep a scowl on his face.

"Well it's a good thing you didn't!" he snapped out as he grabbed his katana back to hold at his side. "That would have been stupid...even for you."

With a sigh, Hisoka looked to the ground. "...Still, I'm glad they found me instead of you. And if it makes you feel any better, I bruised some faces."

Even if he didn't mention it, Tsuzuki noticed each little blush that touched the boy's cheeks, ever since their very first assignment together. He just couldn't help it, Hisoka was just so cute when he was flustered and if the situation wasn't so heavy he would certainly have teased him.

Tsuzuki couldn't keep back that short noise of amusement from that little gem of information. He shouldn't have laughed and he knew it as he put a hand to his mouth and coughed lightly? "Yeah? Well... I am glad you put up a fight, just like you." He smiled then, the weight was melting away, his shoulders felt lighter and he rested a hand lightly at the back of his partner's head, seeming like he was going to ruffle him but instead pulling him forward against his chest "...and I knew you'd be mad if I came... That was the biggest thing that kept me away. I didn't want to disappoint you." He wanted to tag 'any further' at the end of that sentence but he figured he'd better not push it…

Half expecting his hair to be ruffled in that joking manner Tsuzuki usually leaned towards, he was surprised when he was only pulled closer. At first he tensed, but it was easy to relax against the warmth that Tsuzuki provided, in all manners of the word.

Sighing, he resisted the childish urge to just cling to him and rest, as he was so very tired, Hisoka instead tipped his head back to glare up at the older shinigami pointedly. "If you ever do anything like that again..." And Tsuzuki knew what he was talking about. Not the witch trials. "...I won't forgive you. I mean it."

Of course he knew. Dense, yes. Really stupid, not as much as some might expect. Tsuzuki nodded, not moving his hand from Hisoka's head but looking back down at him with a soft but serious expression. "...I know." He didn't let his thoughts linger on that fact though, he didn't want to get back into that state of mind and relaxation was luckily dominating his thoughts right then.

He sighed through his nose, lowering his head a little to press a light, chaste kiss to Hisoka's forehead, resting there for a moment as he spoke softly against his skin. "Thank you, Hisoka... I really mean it."

It could have just been another moment where Tsuzuki was treating him like a kid, but even an action that was simple to most could seem amazingly intimate to Hisoka...especially with how he was lingering. And that just made him angry all over again.

He hadn't seen it all, of course...all he had to work off of were scattered images and panicked emotions. Muraki had touched Tsuzuki. It was hard not to act as pissed as he felt over it right then, but he knew if he started shouting again, Tsuzuki would just get upset again.

Instead he just gruffly muttered, "Maybe you shouldn't work at the casino anymore. You have a habit of getting molested there."

Tsuzuki lingered a moment or two longer, drawing back then and looking to the side. When Hisoka put it so bluntly it was hard to ignore. "I have to pay for this place, Hisoka. I can't afford it just working at the bar." It was true, he maintained the two jobs because there hadn't been enough room in the original place and being around Mamimi drove Hisoka mad. He couldn't think of many other jobs he could do easily off the top of his head but indeed if the Casino was Muraki's hunting ground he should avoid it... Then there was the other idea that leaving would be like saying he'd won and back and forth went the conflicting thoughts.

Stepping back then, Tsuzuki pushed his hands into the pockets of his pants "If I can find a replacement for it then I will. Until then there's not much I can do yet."

Resting his hand on his hip, Hisoka lifted up the sword and without warning, bonked the taller man right on he head with the saya. There was no question or hope to compromise in his glare. It wasn't even an option.

"You'll find a replacement, or you'll just work at the bar. You and I both have a job, Tsuzuki! We can pay for this place fine with just that, if you'd stop eating to much junk food!"

Tsuzuki made a light noise of discomfort, pouting at Hisoka as he rubbed his head "Oi! Hey now, that's not fair! I cut back a lot since we moved here together!"

After a moment or two of the puppy-eyes however he smiled once more, it was nice to be scolded again, as strange as that sounded "All right. I'll find another job. Don't worry." He grinned playfully then, leaning forward and lightly poking the smaller Shinigami on the cheek "Only because you asked so nicely, though!"

Leave it to Tsuzuki to revert back to his usual self and act like nothing had happened. Honestly, it was something to marvel at...and be rather unnerved by.

The poke got another glare and an irritated swat. There he was treating like a damn child again. "Cut it out! Now, you said you didn't want me to go anywhere. What else did you want to do?"

He hoped Tsuzuki didn't want to sit him down to try a new cooking recipe or something... He would almost prefer being experimented on by Watari. ...Almost.

The swat didn't phase him much as he pulled his hand back with a playful look of a child scolded. The shift between moods too went unnoticed to him; it was a means of defence in a way and it perhaps came a little more naturally than he knew now.

"Well... It's Halloween soon..." He began carefully, a little smile touching his lips "...did Watari talk to you about it at all?" If he had... Tsuzuki was expecting the Hisoka-scowl to appear in full force any second.

The icy glare he gave Tsuzuki then could have frozen a volcano. He hadn't needed to hear from Watari... That damned Samejima had already 'surprised' him with her fun costume idea out in the hall earlier. Really, there were times he wished he had moved to a different building instead of just across the hall.

Scowling, the teenager turned and stalked for the door again. "Forget it. I'm not wearing a stupid costume or going to any stupid parties. If that's what you wanted to talk about, I'm going to train now."

"H-hey! Come on! Hisoka! Wait!" Tsuzuki hoped over quickly, almost tripping over his own feet and catching himself on the doorframe with one hand, grinning then and trying to look smooth, like he'd planned to end up in that leaning kind of pose.

"It could be fun, it's only for one day, not even a day, a few hours even! I have to wear a silly costume too!" Not that Tsuzuki needed that much convincing, really "Please? I'll treat us to dinner somewhere tonight if you'll come with me tomorrow. Your choice, of course."

Coming to a halt, Hisoka folded his arms across his chest. "Why would I care about eating out when I can make dinner here? And I don't see what the big deal about wearing a costume is... It's not part of a job assignment."

Really, the concept was rather lost on him, though it seemed important to Tsuzuki. And it wasn't like the boy didn't want to make him happy, but he was quite worried about what they might want to dress him up as. "What are you dressing up as?"

"...you want to use the stove so soon after I fixed it?" Of course, he hadn't done a bad job fixing it at all, but it was fun to play Hisoka at his own game sometimes...

"Apparently I'm going to be a prince or knight or something. It should be fun! It doesn't need to be part of an assignment, especially while we're here." He smiled brightly at his partner, considerable more cheerful now not only on the outside though. He was very relived.

"If it's not perfectly fixed, Tsuzuki, it's your ass on the line." Really, what a thing to joke about. Although now Hisoka was almost worried the thing might explode the next time he turned a burner on. ...He wondered if there was a way to keep Tsuzuki from ever stepping foot in the kitchen again.

"Yeah? Well have fun with that, because I'm not dressing up. If you want me to go with you so badly, I'll just wear my normal clothes."

"What?!" He balled his hands up near his mouth, his eyes going wide somewhere between shock and despair "You can't go in normal clothes! It's Halloween! That's one of the big points of the holiday!"

He grinned to himself then, lowering himself to one knee and taking Hisoka's hand in his own, drawing it to his lips while lifting his eyes to the boy. He definitely had his charming side, and even a sexy side but it didn't come out around Hisoka very often, and maybe he did it on purpose. He kind of liked when he dropped a suggestive hint here or there because sometimes it got the younger shinigami to blush something terrible "...come with me, and I'll be your prince for the night. I give you my word." Oh, the irony…

For a moment, with Hisoka's cheeks painted red and Tsuzuki kneeling before him while kissing his hand, it could have almost been pinned as looking...beautiful. Romantic. Picture perfect.

But then Hisoka yelled and swung his foot to kick Tsuzuki clean away. "I'm a guy, you moron! Don't talk to me like I'm some dainty princess!" It was with every ounce of willpower that he resisted the urge to step right on Tsuzuki's face as he stomped past him, muttering, "Bastards, all of them."

Raising his voice, he yelled over his shoulder, "I'm going training! Don't touch the kitchen or you'll regret it!" And upon his exit, the front door was slammed hard enough to make the windows rattle.

That could have gone better, Tsuzuki thought as he whimpered to himself, rubbing the back of his neck as he sat cross-legged on the floor, peering back over his shoulder where Hisoka had gone and pouting heavily.

When the silence settled again however he leant his back against the wall near the door, looking up idly at the ceiling and smiling contently. He didn't deserve to be forgiven, he never had he believed, but the fact Hisoka had done so meant so much to him he couldn't help but feel uplifted. He was glad to have Hisoka snapping at him again, maybe he was some kind of masochist. The thought made him snort with light amusement, closing his eyes then and sighing. Grateful didn't even come close to how he was feeling, really.