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tampered2007-12-05 12:52 pm
legislated.livejournal.com) wrote in tampered2007-12-05 12:52 pm
Log; Complete
When; December 5th [Afternoon].
Rating; PG [Sociopathic Family Reunion?].
Characters; Johan Liebert [![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
imputing] & Anna Liebert Nina Fortner [legislated].
Summary; Nina goes to the library to unwind, but finds her brother instead. Unfortunately, he doesn't feel like sticking around.
Log;
"The trick is to need what you don't need and want what you don't want," the librarian said. So, politely, Johan thanked him and went away to find books he did not need in order to find those he actually did need. It was proving more difficult than expected. After hours of browsing the library in what seemed to be leisure, he finally found himself stopping in front of a particular section.
A particularly empty section, that is.
It occurred to him that what he needed was here, only it was not anymore. Hands held behind him, Johan watched the empty space between the books with a calm smile. If he could stop needing what he needed then maybe what he needed would appear.
~~~
Outside of her work at the hospital, Nina had trouble finding ways to occupy her mind. It wasn't that there was a shortage of things to do around the City, but she was still adjusting to the varied population after all, and was careful to stay in the areas she was comfortable with. Roaming the red light district might be fine when one is on a mission to stop one's psychotic twin, but without an epic mission underway, she really just preferred the quiet and safe zones.
The library was the best place for her to unwind without feeling like she was in danger. While she did enjoy living with Dark and Mai, having to share a room with Mai left little privacy to be had. She usually had a favorite corner on the second floor where she liked to sit and read--in the foreign languages section. It was the least populated, and to get to it, she needed to cross through the children's section.
Just as she was strolling down one of the aisles, Nina seemed to remember something, and pulled out her recently purchased cell phone from her simple beige purse. If only it could contact her real home. Still, it was helpful for keeping updated on the Network when out and about.
"Mai?" Keeping her voice just above a whisper so as not to disturb anybody else, the young woman smiled as she stopped to watch a child in the distance open up a pop-up book. "I meant to check before I left, but I forgot. Can you tell me if we're low on milk or not? I can pick up some on the way home if so..."
~~~
Johan looked up from the empty space he was staring at. He would recognize that voice anywhere, truly anywhere. For once however, it was wholly unexpected. He dropped his gaze back at the nothing, his smile seemingly widened at a memory or another. How quaint this City was. Perhaps Johan contemplated calling out to her, or perhaps he contemplated hiding instead. Whatever it was that went through his mind however, Johan stayed still.
He unlinked his hands from behind him, eyes looking at the wooden base of the bookshelf.
~~~
During her travels around Europe, Nina had picked up quite a few skills. Most of them were unsavory, but perhaps the most useful were her quickened reflexes and her peripheral vision. So it was no surprise when something familiar caught her eye to the left just as she was heading down another aisle, but it was a surprise when she realized just who it was.
With a sharp gasp, Nina's grip on her phone weakened. Just on the other side of that bookshelf was a face she never thought she would see outside of a hospital room again. Wasn't he...supposed to be in a coma? She knew he was! "Johan...!"
The phone finally slipped, dropping to the ground and snapping shut as she stared through the gap in the shelf. Of course...why was she surprised? She had checked out those books for just that very reason--so that he didn't find them if he ever did appear in the City. They were no good for him, after all.
She was frozen in place, unable to tear her gaze away, and somewhere beyond her shock there was a mixture of concern and horror. Just how long had he been in the City?
~~~
Johan did not know how to correctly respond to that. He could call her name back in acknowledgment, but he did not know what name she was using then. At that realization, he felt something stirring in him, but he did not know what it was either. He knew it was some sort of unpleasantness.
"We meet again," he said instead, because it betrayed neither his lack of knowledge nor his lack of composure. It occurred to him that this was how their reunions had always played out. He could almost guess at how it would end; either one way or the other. He looked up to meet her eyes, giving her a small smile. Absently, he mused about how things would turn out had they exchanged places for one of these reunions.
~~~
His composure was perfect, of course. It did send a chill down her spine. She could remember Lotte telling her how alike they looked...and of course, Nina understood they were twins. But still, when she looked at Johan, it was almost like looking at a beautiful stranger.
But then she looked from his smile to his eyes, and felt a small comfort. His eyes were never easy to read...but she could read them. And what she saw wasn't completely dark.
"Johan!" she repeated, forgetting her phone entirely and abandoning her spot so that she could run around the corner and step foot into the aisle he was occupying. No, it wasn't a hallucination. He was really there. He was walking and walking, and...smiling. She didn't much like that sort of smile, but she would take what she could get.
Still, she wouldn't be a complete fool about this. Her gun was in her purse, and it was a small comfort to let one hand grip the purse's strap as she finally slowed to stop just beside him. Despite her fear, she almost appeared...relieved. "You're really here. I can't believe it."
~~~
She really amused him, his sister. Johan chuckled softly at her excitement, ignoring the fact that she might just be acting out of fear. She could not have, really, she was coming so close to him after all. He ignored the fact that she might just be acting out of heroism. She really did not have to, she should know already that he was not going to stop her from killing him. He would even teach her how to aim better.
He turned to her with a smile, amused, though his eyes were not. "I really am here."
Though she would follow him around Europe just to kill him, it made Johan pleased that she rushed to him without caring about her phone. Perhaps, however, she was so bent on killing him that she did not care about her phone. She really was amusing.
~~~
It was hard to know what to do next. Perhaps a normal reunion between brother and sister should have included hugging and crying, but this was hardly a normal reunion. None of their reunions had been normal, and they had experienced quite a few by now.
Nina wanted to know if he was well, but perhaps not the type of well most people thought of. After all, he had been shot in the head twice, and still lived. Had he learned his lesson? Had Johan woken from his coma with a happier outlook on life? Or was he just the same as before?
Deep in her gut, she knew there was a chance it could be the latter, and if that was the case she had plenty of reason to fear. Not for herself, but for everyone she held dear...and for anyone he crossed paths with. Was he here at the library because he had followed her? Was he here to hurt someone? Or was he here for...?
Her gaze drifted to the empty gap where a few books should have been, but weren't. He had gone looking for them. Why?
Looking back to him, Nina bit her lip and took another step forward. "Johan... What is it you want?" Of course, she was asking if he still had the same goals as before. Oh God, please no.
~~~
So it was still the same after all, even here. Was it an improvement that she was starting a conversation before pointing a gun at him? Somehow, he doubted it. He felt his heart stumble when she took another step closer. It was not for fear, that was for sure, though he did not know for what if not that.
Johan understood her question, but neither in the way she meant it nor the way he answered it. "I wanted books to read," he replied, turning to the space he had been staring at before her arrival. "But the more I wanted them the more they wouldn't appear."
~~~
That certainly wasn't the answer she wanted, but Johan was so very good at dodging questions, it appeared. Pressing any further would be unacceptable. She had told Johan that she forgave him, hadn't she? If that was the case, then she needed to work on trusting him again.
If she had thought forgiving him was hard...trusting was a completely different monster. A monster. Is he still...? She didn't look to the bookshelf. Johan wasn't the only one who could change the subject, after all.
With a sigh, and her legs shaking with each step, she closed the distance enough to let her slip both of her arms around one of his in a pseudo-hug. Standing at his side, Nina shut her eyes and rested her cheek against his shoulder. I forgive you. I do.
~~~
That was unexpected. Johan was very confused, but he refused to let any of it show. He continued to look at the bookshelf, the smile disappearing from his face though he made no other response. Her sister wanted to kill him because he was a monster. He was a monster. His sister was not trying to kill him now. It made no sense, but then, nothing ever really did.
Johan bowed his head, face completely lacking any emotion. "I need to go," he said, voice even softer than normal.
~~~
Go? No. No matter what his state of mind was, Nina knew one thing for sure. Now that she knew he was here, she couldn't let him out of her sight. She knew what he was capable of, and he could get himself into even more trouble here than back home. After all, there were worse monsters than humans here.
Curling her fingers, she tightened her grip on his arm, opening her eyes to look up at his face. "Why?"
~~~
He kept his eyes on the floor, knowing that he would be forced to meet her eyes had he moved his gaze. He needed to go because this was not where a monster should be. He needed to go because he did not plan this, he did not know what to do. He had to make plans first, lay out the strings and tug only at the necessary ones. He did not mean for her to come so close.
"Leave me," Johan said.
~~~
No, it was definitely not your standard family reunion.
His words stung, and she wondered if he knew just how much. Her grip on his arm weakened as she stared up at him. Leave me. Did he really want her to just go? Did he expect her to?!
"After everything we've been through...you expect me to leave?!" Though her tone as angry, she was forced to keep it down to a hiss. This was a library after all. "Have you forgotten what happened at the end? Do you have any idea how scared I was? I really thought you were dead! But Doctor Tenma saved you again, and even if your chances of waking up ever again were slim, I was just so relieved you were alive. I'm not letting you out of my sight again!"
If not for my sake and your sake, then for the sake of the people you could endanger, she whispered silently in her mind.
~~~
He took that as a chance to slip away from her and take a few steps back. He still bowed his head like a scolded child; that might just be all he was. He was listening though, he was not tuning her out like a child would. Though he could not understand her, he listened. A thought occurred to him that she might be confused like he was, once. He thought he should be sad at that.
Having his personal space established again, Johan felt more confident to raise his eyes to meet hers, lips in a calm smile again. "What are you talking about?"
~~~
Once again, she had one hand gripping the strap of her purse, both eyes wide as she stared at him. He didn't remember? Either he was lying, or...or it hadn't happened yet. She knew that the City could pull people from different time lines. Hei had told her about it.
If none of it had happened, then...was she truly staring at a stranger?
"...I'm talking about Ruhenheim, Johan." Surely, if he was lying, she would be able to tell. Carefully, she watched his eyes. All she had to concentrate on were his eyes. "It was raining." Her knuckles were white from how tightly she was gripping the leather strap.
"I told you that I forgave you. And you said... You said some things can never be taken back...and that Tenma was going to shoot you. But you...you were wrong! He didn't shoot you. Someone else did. The father of that boy..." He looked at you and saw a monster. But she left that unsaid.
"If it wasn't for Doctor Tenma, you would have died."
~~~
Johan understood her first sentence, and the second, and the last, but the rest made little sense to him. He did not think she would ever lie to him, but there were many things he thought she would not do that she did. He tried to guess at her intentions, but none of his speculations made sense either.
He knew Ruhenheim, of course, it was where it should have ended. It was raining. But she never forgave him. The last he saw her was at the ruins. He did something terrible to her then, and she seemed very angry. And Doctor Tenma was supposed to be the one to kill him. He was the one who would kill him. Everyone in the village should be dead by the time he arrived at the village.
But now he was meandering round the topic he dreaded to face. She said she forgave him. No, she said she told him she forgave him. Did she forgive him? That was impossible. Johan stayed silent.
~~~
His silence was enough of an answer. She wasn't sure if he remembered...and she wasn't sure if that even mattered. What mattered was that he heard it. Again. For the first time. However many times it took.
"I forgive you." Their parents’ bodies were on the ground. No, not their real parents. The Lieberts. "I forgive you." The Fortners. Perhaps not biological, but the closest things to real parents Nina ever had. Their blood was on his hands...and so were countless other lives. "I forgive you!"
~~~
She should not forgive him. She could not. He was a monster. She knew it as well as he did, perhaps even more. No one should ever forgive a monster.
Johan laughed, hardly audible but perfectly clear in the silence of the library. Monsters could not be banished by just three words, no matter how many times she repeated them. Even if she really meant them, it could not undo what he had already done. He almost understood what she said before, though now the perfect sense it made caused him to laugh.
"It is too late now."
~~~
Maybe he was right. Maybe it would have been all right if she had forgiven him at the beginning... When they were merely ten, instead of accepting that gun, she should have thrown her arms around him and told him that she forgave him. But she had been a child facing a monster. How could she have foreseen the events that would unfold?
Still... She didn't want to believe it. She wouldn't. "That's not true! It's never too late." People were staring now, but she didn't care. Let the mothers cover their children's eyes, because they didn't need to witness this. "He told me... He told me humans can become anything." He knew who she spoke of. Had to know.
"And you can become anything! Because you aren't a monster. You and I, we can become anything together!" She was shaking as she stood there, not even sure if she believed what she was saying.
~~~
Johan stopped laughing, looking away because he could not face her. Humans can become anything. Of course, humans can become monsters. Once, maybe, those words were all he ever wanted from her. The both of them together, the last two people in the world. He would not have minded dying then, as nameless people in nowhere, not that he minded dying at all.
Perhaps her words should sting, perhaps they did. But Johan thought that regret felt blunter than a bullet, like a blow to the chest.
She was wrong. They could have become anything, but they cannot now. They could have been together. He would have given her everything. He still would. "It is too late," he whispered.
~~~
When Johan was involved, it didn't take much for Nina to snap. She had been through so much pain, and she knew that he had as well, and she was tired. She didn't want to have to go through it all again... People's lives were at stake. Johan's life was at stake.
Her steps were no longer light, as Nina was suddenly stomping over. Maybe he wanted her to shoot him, since Tenma wasn't around to do it, but that wouldn't end anything. It wouldn't fix anything. Especially not here.
No, instead her hand flew out before she could stop it, slapping him hard across the face. There were tears in her eyes, but her pride would not let them overflow as she glared up at him in anger.
And then, she lowered her hand so that she could reach for his, fingers twining with his and her gaze immediately softening as she whispered, "If you're a monster, then I am too." She wasn't sure what compelled her to say it... Maybe it was just an act of desperation. Maybe she actually believed it. In this topsy-turvy word, it was hard to know what to believe. "Is it too late for me?"
~~~
That hurt more than he thought it would. He had gasped when her hand hit his face but now he held his breath. She was coming too close again. If he noticed her hand at all, he did not show it. His eyes were dark, angry perhaps, but the thought of hurting her did not cross his mind. It would never.
Was she crying? He thought he saw tears. He did not want her to cry. He did not want to cry.
"You're not a monster," he said, like reading from a script.
~~~
Despite how frustratingly argumentative he was being, she couldn't help but smile and squeeze his hand. I'm here. She wanted him to know that. I'm not going anywhere.
Nina understood that if he was awake, he couldn't return home. At best he would be confined in a mental institute, pleading insanity for his crimes. He would never be free. This was the only place he could roam without being condemned. This was the only place...
"I am what you are. Isn't that right? This isn't home. The fairytale doesn't exist here. We can start over." And as she said these words, she felt her gut twist, because she wasn't sure if she believed them. After all, she had a life back home...and that life didn't include Johan. Not anymore.
But for now, while she was here with him, she knew she would be devoting herself to making sure he stayed healthy and safe. "You're Johan. And who am I?"
~~~
The fairytale, the "Nameless Monster", it was the problem once. Franz Bonaparta was once the monster that they had to escape from, but now the monster was Johan himself. He did not know how to make her understand that it really was too late. Still, her offer reminded him of what he thought he wanted, reminded him of what he wanted.
"Anna," he replied. She was not Nina. Nina was not his sister. His sister was Anna.
~~~
Anna. That wasn't who she was anymore... Anna had been a young girl with no real knowledge of the world. Nina was a young woman who sometimes understood what it took to make things right. But who he saw was Anna, and who she saw was Johan. Names were just masks, because really they were just two nameless monsters from a fairytale.
"Come on," she murmured, tugging on his hand to try and lead him down the aisle. "Let's get some ice on your cheek before it starts to swell. I hit you a little harder than I probably should have."
~~~
Adamantly, he stood his ground. She offered him what he might have wanted, but he did not know if she would stay. She needed him, then, but not anymore. She was Nina now. She became someone else and she refused to come back to him. He refused to obey someone who was not his sister.
"Are you Anna?" He asked, fearing the answer she might give. There might have been pleading in his voice, or it might just be a trick of one's mind.
~~~
It was an important question, and she knew that she needed to tread carefully. Anna was nothing but an old name. A ghost of the past. Really, the correct answer would have been no, but even if she was no longer Anna, she was still his sister. That was all he needed.
Halted in her steps, Nina shifted to look over her shoulder at their linked hands. Then she glanced up to look into those blue eyes of his. They might have been the same color, but she still felt scared whenever she looked into them.
"Yes," Nina whispered, tightening her grip on his hand.
~~~
All the things he should have felt filled his eyes at her answer; disbelief, anger, sadness, relief. But the moment was too soon over. Again, His face betrayed no other emotion except for the calm smile gracing his lips. Johan took a step forward and held her hand in return.
"My cheek is throbbing," he said matter-of-factly.
~~~
She was quick to look away from his smile, but his words encouraged her. Was it really so easy to get him to cooperate? Nina had a feeling that this was going to be a very long uphill battle...but even if it was small, a victory was still a victory.
"Of course it is. That's why I want to put some ice on it." Suddenly remembering her phone, Nina released his hand so that she could run around the corner to one aisle over. It was on the floor, but didn't appear to be broken. With a sigh of relief, she slipped it into her purse and stood back up.
"Are you staying with anyone?"
~~~
Johan let her hand go, eyeing her curiously as she went to fetch her phone. It reminded him of a memory, but he didn't really want to remember that right now. The memory was too old, outdated. Still, it was strange that they were speaking so casually right now; about a throbbing cheek and putting ice on it.
It was as if everything that happened had just been two children in a fight and now everything was alright because she would get him ice for his cheek that she slapped. But Johan knew for sure it would not last.
He linked his hands behind him, following her. He smiled to himself at the question but did not answer.
~~~
The silence unnerved her, but Nina tried not to let it show. If she acted scared, then it might have a negative effect on him. Strange, how much she wished for Tenma to be there right then. But she mentally scolded herself as soon as she thought it. Tenma was having a happy life doing some good in the world. Johan was no longer his responsibility.
Really, Johan had never bee his responsibility, but he had been too kind to understand that. Johan was Nina's responsibility. ...Anna's responsibility.
"Well, I want to see where it is you're living, and we can put some ice on it there." Part of her wanted to take his hand again, but they were both adults now, and it would be strange for siblings to walk like that in public. So instead she walked ahead of him, hoping he would follow. "I hope you are staying with someone, because the ticking can really drive a person crazy when alone."
~~~
The way she acted made him wonder which of them the older one was. He had never been sure. Mother never said much. He had acted as the older one because he thought he should, he wondered if he was willing to let go of the privilege so easily.
Johan followed her, hands still linked behind him and keeping a little distance between them.
"Are you staying with someone?" He had speculations, but he did not pursue it so he was not sure. Nina was not such an uncommon name. He realized he was dodging the question altogether, but he was not very interested in answering.
~~~
Nina's grip on her purse strap tightened, and she stared straight ahead thoughtfully. She didn't want Johan to meet any of her friends. To be truthful, even though she hoped Johan was better, she wasn't a fool. She didn't want to take the chance.
"...I was, but now I'm living alone. I just go out a lot during the day so that the ticking doesn't bother me." It was a blatant lie, but until she could figure out precisely how to handle the situation, she had to try and isolate herself. There was a twinge in her heart at that thought. Mai... She still needed support. Perhaps Nina could still visit when she was sure Johan wasn't following.
For now, she had to quickly locate an apartment of her own without Johan noticing.
~~~
Johan wondered if she was lying. He wondered if she was not lying about everything she had said to him so far. He might have felt hurt by that, but he did not show even if he did. In a way he could understand her motives, but in another way she seemed completely irrational to him.
"We can get ice from there," he pointed to a nearby convenience store. If she was lying then he would rather never find out.
~~~
As they stepped out onto the sidewalk, Nina looked to where he was pointing. A convenience store? What was wrong with going to his apartment?
Johan...are you hiding from me like I am from you? What a painful thought.
"That's fine. I can pick up some milk while we're there, too," she responded as cheerily as one could in such a bizarre situation. Not that it seemed bizarre to any stranger passing by.
As they approached the convenience store, Nina pulled her wallet out of her purse to tally up how much she had in cash. Maybe she could pick up some candy, too...
~~~
Johan mused about whether it should hurt him or not that she was blatantly pretending for him. She was so afraid of him that she would always keep him at a distance. Was she honest back at the library? Was that also an act?
"Will you let me pay?" He asked as she was checking her wallet. He was not the millionaire he was back home, but he had a little money now. He only wanted to give her something; something she would accept. It was trivial, but not for him.
~~~
If Johan could pay for things, she wondered if he had a job. ...Hopefully it was an honest job. Still, she didn't want to ask just yet, because she was afraid of the answer.
"If you want to. Thank you." It was an odd thing for him to offer to pay for... Some milk? But she wasn't going to argue over the small things right now, smiling gratefully in his direction as they stepped inside. She had been inside this store before. It was small, but clean.
"The milk is there towards the back. I'll get some ice." Reluctant to part from him, as if expecting him to disappear the moment she turned, Nina kept glancing over her shoulder as she walked over to the soda machine. Finally, she had to look away from him for longer than a few seconds to concentrate on the ice dispenser. A small cup full of ice would do the trick just fine.
What was she supposed to do after this? How was she supposed to plan?
~~~
He nodded in reply to her thanks. Really, it should be him thanking her, but she should know that already.
Slowly walking towards the direction she mentioned, he made a show of eyeing the other merchandise in the shop so that he would not end up too far back in the shop when the opportunity arose. He did not expect it to be so easy, really; she did seem very adamant about not letting him get away.
He noticed her glancing to him every few seconds, but he knew that she could not keep her eyes on him all the time. The ice dispenser made enough sound to cover the opening and closing of the door as he left.
Johan really was going to get her that milk however.
~~~
It was with a deep sigh that Nina turned back around. Already, the cup was getting cold. It ought to help with the swelling on his cheek. Really, she shouldn't have hit him... "Johan, did you find the milk?"
No response. Startled, Nina looked around. None of the shelves were high enough to hide an adult from view. "Johan?" Oh no. She shouldn't have taken her eyes off of him.
Shoving the cup back onto the counter next to the soda machine, Nina gripped her purse and ran past the counter and out the door, looking around as it swung shut behind her. It was now time to panic.
"Johan!"
Rating; PG [Sociopathic Family Reunion?].
Characters; Johan Liebert [
imputing] & legislated].Summary; Nina goes to the library to unwind, but finds her brother instead. Unfortunately, he doesn't feel like sticking around.
Log;
"The trick is to need what you don't need and want what you don't want," the librarian said. So, politely, Johan thanked him and went away to find books he did not need in order to find those he actually did need. It was proving more difficult than expected. After hours of browsing the library in what seemed to be leisure, he finally found himself stopping in front of a particular section.
A particularly empty section, that is.
It occurred to him that what he needed was here, only it was not anymore. Hands held behind him, Johan watched the empty space between the books with a calm smile. If he could stop needing what he needed then maybe what he needed would appear.
Outside of her work at the hospital, Nina had trouble finding ways to occupy her mind. It wasn't that there was a shortage of things to do around the City, but she was still adjusting to the varied population after all, and was careful to stay in the areas she was comfortable with. Roaming the red light district might be fine when one is on a mission to stop one's psychotic twin, but without an epic mission underway, she really just preferred the quiet and safe zones.
The library was the best place for her to unwind without feeling like she was in danger. While she did enjoy living with Dark and Mai, having to share a room with Mai left little privacy to be had. She usually had a favorite corner on the second floor where she liked to sit and read--in the foreign languages section. It was the least populated, and to get to it, she needed to cross through the children's section.
Just as she was strolling down one of the aisles, Nina seemed to remember something, and pulled out her recently purchased cell phone from her simple beige purse. If only it could contact her real home. Still, it was helpful for keeping updated on the Network when out and about.
"Mai?" Keeping her voice just above a whisper so as not to disturb anybody else, the young woman smiled as she stopped to watch a child in the distance open up a pop-up book. "I meant to check before I left, but I forgot. Can you tell me if we're low on milk or not? I can pick up some on the way home if so..."
Johan looked up from the empty space he was staring at. He would recognize that voice anywhere, truly anywhere. For once however, it was wholly unexpected. He dropped his gaze back at the nothing, his smile seemingly widened at a memory or another. How quaint this City was. Perhaps Johan contemplated calling out to her, or perhaps he contemplated hiding instead. Whatever it was that went through his mind however, Johan stayed still.
He unlinked his hands from behind him, eyes looking at the wooden base of the bookshelf.
During her travels around Europe, Nina had picked up quite a few skills. Most of them were unsavory, but perhaps the most useful were her quickened reflexes and her peripheral vision. So it was no surprise when something familiar caught her eye to the left just as she was heading down another aisle, but it was a surprise when she realized just who it was.
With a sharp gasp, Nina's grip on her phone weakened. Just on the other side of that bookshelf was a face she never thought she would see outside of a hospital room again. Wasn't he...supposed to be in a coma? She knew he was! "Johan...!"
The phone finally slipped, dropping to the ground and snapping shut as she stared through the gap in the shelf. Of course...why was she surprised? She had checked out those books for just that very reason--so that he didn't find them if he ever did appear in the City. They were no good for him, after all.
She was frozen in place, unable to tear her gaze away, and somewhere beyond her shock there was a mixture of concern and horror. Just how long had he been in the City?
Johan did not know how to correctly respond to that. He could call her name back in acknowledgment, but he did not know what name she was using then. At that realization, he felt something stirring in him, but he did not know what it was either. He knew it was some sort of unpleasantness.
"We meet again," he said instead, because it betrayed neither his lack of knowledge nor his lack of composure. It occurred to him that this was how their reunions had always played out. He could almost guess at how it would end; either one way or the other. He looked up to meet her eyes, giving her a small smile. Absently, he mused about how things would turn out had they exchanged places for one of these reunions.
His composure was perfect, of course. It did send a chill down her spine. She could remember Lotte telling her how alike they looked...and of course, Nina understood they were twins. But still, when she looked at Johan, it was almost like looking at a beautiful stranger.
But then she looked from his smile to his eyes, and felt a small comfort. His eyes were never easy to read...but she could read them. And what she saw wasn't completely dark.
"Johan!" she repeated, forgetting her phone entirely and abandoning her spot so that she could run around the corner and step foot into the aisle he was occupying. No, it wasn't a hallucination. He was really there. He was walking and walking, and...smiling. She didn't much like that sort of smile, but she would take what she could get.
Still, she wouldn't be a complete fool about this. Her gun was in her purse, and it was a small comfort to let one hand grip the purse's strap as she finally slowed to stop just beside him. Despite her fear, she almost appeared...relieved. "You're really here. I can't believe it."
She really amused him, his sister. Johan chuckled softly at her excitement, ignoring the fact that she might just be acting out of fear. She could not have, really, she was coming so close to him after all. He ignored the fact that she might just be acting out of heroism. She really did not have to, she should know already that he was not going to stop her from killing him. He would even teach her how to aim better.
He turned to her with a smile, amused, though his eyes were not. "I really am here."
Though she would follow him around Europe just to kill him, it made Johan pleased that she rushed to him without caring about her phone. Perhaps, however, she was so bent on killing him that she did not care about her phone. She really was amusing.
It was hard to know what to do next. Perhaps a normal reunion between brother and sister should have included hugging and crying, but this was hardly a normal reunion. None of their reunions had been normal, and they had experienced quite a few by now.
Nina wanted to know if he was well, but perhaps not the type of well most people thought of. After all, he had been shot in the head twice, and still lived. Had he learned his lesson? Had Johan woken from his coma with a happier outlook on life? Or was he just the same as before?
Deep in her gut, she knew there was a chance it could be the latter, and if that was the case she had plenty of reason to fear. Not for herself, but for everyone she held dear...and for anyone he crossed paths with. Was he here at the library because he had followed her? Was he here to hurt someone? Or was he here for...?
Her gaze drifted to the empty gap where a few books should have been, but weren't. He had gone looking for them. Why?
Looking back to him, Nina bit her lip and took another step forward. "Johan... What is it you want?" Of course, she was asking if he still had the same goals as before. Oh God, please no.
So it was still the same after all, even here. Was it an improvement that she was starting a conversation before pointing a gun at him? Somehow, he doubted it. He felt his heart stumble when she took another step closer. It was not for fear, that was for sure, though he did not know for what if not that.
Johan understood her question, but neither in the way she meant it nor the way he answered it. "I wanted books to read," he replied, turning to the space he had been staring at before her arrival. "But the more I wanted them the more they wouldn't appear."
That certainly wasn't the answer she wanted, but Johan was so very good at dodging questions, it appeared. Pressing any further would be unacceptable. She had told Johan that she forgave him, hadn't she? If that was the case, then she needed to work on trusting him again.
If she had thought forgiving him was hard...trusting was a completely different monster. A monster. Is he still...? She didn't look to the bookshelf. Johan wasn't the only one who could change the subject, after all.
With a sigh, and her legs shaking with each step, she closed the distance enough to let her slip both of her arms around one of his in a pseudo-hug. Standing at his side, Nina shut her eyes and rested her cheek against his shoulder. I forgive you. I do.
That was unexpected. Johan was very confused, but he refused to let any of it show. He continued to look at the bookshelf, the smile disappearing from his face though he made no other response. Her sister wanted to kill him because he was a monster. He was a monster. His sister was not trying to kill him now. It made no sense, but then, nothing ever really did.
Johan bowed his head, face completely lacking any emotion. "I need to go," he said, voice even softer than normal.
Go? No. No matter what his state of mind was, Nina knew one thing for sure. Now that she knew he was here, she couldn't let him out of her sight. She knew what he was capable of, and he could get himself into even more trouble here than back home. After all, there were worse monsters than humans here.
Curling her fingers, she tightened her grip on his arm, opening her eyes to look up at his face. "Why?"
He kept his eyes on the floor, knowing that he would be forced to meet her eyes had he moved his gaze. He needed to go because this was not where a monster should be. He needed to go because he did not plan this, he did not know what to do. He had to make plans first, lay out the strings and tug only at the necessary ones. He did not mean for her to come so close.
"Leave me," Johan said.
No, it was definitely not your standard family reunion.
His words stung, and she wondered if he knew just how much. Her grip on his arm weakened as she stared up at him. Leave me. Did he really want her to just go? Did he expect her to?!
"After everything we've been through...you expect me to leave?!" Though her tone as angry, she was forced to keep it down to a hiss. This was a library after all. "Have you forgotten what happened at the end? Do you have any idea how scared I was? I really thought you were dead! But Doctor Tenma saved you again, and even if your chances of waking up ever again were slim, I was just so relieved you were alive. I'm not letting you out of my sight again!"
If not for my sake and your sake, then for the sake of the people you could endanger, she whispered silently in her mind.
He took that as a chance to slip away from her and take a few steps back. He still bowed his head like a scolded child; that might just be all he was. He was listening though, he was not tuning her out like a child would. Though he could not understand her, he listened. A thought occurred to him that she might be confused like he was, once. He thought he should be sad at that.
Having his personal space established again, Johan felt more confident to raise his eyes to meet hers, lips in a calm smile again. "What are you talking about?"
Once again, she had one hand gripping the strap of her purse, both eyes wide as she stared at him. He didn't remember? Either he was lying, or...or it hadn't happened yet. She knew that the City could pull people from different time lines. Hei had told her about it.
If none of it had happened, then...was she truly staring at a stranger?
"...I'm talking about Ruhenheim, Johan." Surely, if he was lying, she would be able to tell. Carefully, she watched his eyes. All she had to concentrate on were his eyes. "It was raining." Her knuckles were white from how tightly she was gripping the leather strap.
"I told you that I forgave you. And you said... You said some things can never be taken back...and that Tenma was going to shoot you. But you...you were wrong! He didn't shoot you. Someone else did. The father of that boy..." He looked at you and saw a monster. But she left that unsaid.
"If it wasn't for Doctor Tenma, you would have died."
Johan understood her first sentence, and the second, and the last, but the rest made little sense to him. He did not think she would ever lie to him, but there were many things he thought she would not do that she did. He tried to guess at her intentions, but none of his speculations made sense either.
He knew Ruhenheim, of course, it was where it should have ended. It was raining. But she never forgave him. The last he saw her was at the ruins. He did something terrible to her then, and she seemed very angry. And Doctor Tenma was supposed to be the one to kill him. He was the one who would kill him. Everyone in the village should be dead by the time he arrived at the village.
But now he was meandering round the topic he dreaded to face. She said she forgave him. No, she said she told him she forgave him. Did she forgive him? That was impossible. Johan stayed silent.
His silence was enough of an answer. She wasn't sure if he remembered...and she wasn't sure if that even mattered. What mattered was that he heard it. Again. For the first time. However many times it took.
"I forgive you." Their parents’ bodies were on the ground. No, not their real parents. The Lieberts. "I forgive you." The Fortners. Perhaps not biological, but the closest things to real parents Nina ever had. Their blood was on his hands...and so were countless other lives. "I forgive you!"
She should not forgive him. She could not. He was a monster. She knew it as well as he did, perhaps even more. No one should ever forgive a monster.
Johan laughed, hardly audible but perfectly clear in the silence of the library. Monsters could not be banished by just three words, no matter how many times she repeated them. Even if she really meant them, it could not undo what he had already done. He almost understood what she said before, though now the perfect sense it made caused him to laugh.
"It is too late now."
Maybe he was right. Maybe it would have been all right if she had forgiven him at the beginning... When they were merely ten, instead of accepting that gun, she should have thrown her arms around him and told him that she forgave him. But she had been a child facing a monster. How could she have foreseen the events that would unfold?
Still... She didn't want to believe it. She wouldn't. "That's not true! It's never too late." People were staring now, but she didn't care. Let the mothers cover their children's eyes, because they didn't need to witness this. "He told me... He told me humans can become anything." He knew who she spoke of. Had to know.
"And you can become anything! Because you aren't a monster. You and I, we can become anything together!" She was shaking as she stood there, not even sure if she believed what she was saying.
Johan stopped laughing, looking away because he could not face her. Humans can become anything. Of course, humans can become monsters. Once, maybe, those words were all he ever wanted from her. The both of them together, the last two people in the world. He would not have minded dying then, as nameless people in nowhere, not that he minded dying at all.
Perhaps her words should sting, perhaps they did. But Johan thought that regret felt blunter than a bullet, like a blow to the chest.
She was wrong. They could have become anything, but they cannot now. They could have been together. He would have given her everything. He still would. "It is too late," he whispered.
When Johan was involved, it didn't take much for Nina to snap. She had been through so much pain, and she knew that he had as well, and she was tired. She didn't want to have to go through it all again... People's lives were at stake. Johan's life was at stake.
Her steps were no longer light, as Nina was suddenly stomping over. Maybe he wanted her to shoot him, since Tenma wasn't around to do it, but that wouldn't end anything. It wouldn't fix anything. Especially not here.
No, instead her hand flew out before she could stop it, slapping him hard across the face. There were tears in her eyes, but her pride would not let them overflow as she glared up at him in anger.
And then, she lowered her hand so that she could reach for his, fingers twining with his and her gaze immediately softening as she whispered, "If you're a monster, then I am too." She wasn't sure what compelled her to say it... Maybe it was just an act of desperation. Maybe she actually believed it. In this topsy-turvy word, it was hard to know what to believe. "Is it too late for me?"
That hurt more than he thought it would. He had gasped when her hand hit his face but now he held his breath. She was coming too close again. If he noticed her hand at all, he did not show it. His eyes were dark, angry perhaps, but the thought of hurting her did not cross his mind. It would never.
Was she crying? He thought he saw tears. He did not want her to cry. He did not want to cry.
"You're not a monster," he said, like reading from a script.
Despite how frustratingly argumentative he was being, she couldn't help but smile and squeeze his hand. I'm here. She wanted him to know that. I'm not going anywhere.
Nina understood that if he was awake, he couldn't return home. At best he would be confined in a mental institute, pleading insanity for his crimes. He would never be free. This was the only place he could roam without being condemned. This was the only place...
"I am what you are. Isn't that right? This isn't home. The fairytale doesn't exist here. We can start over." And as she said these words, she felt her gut twist, because she wasn't sure if she believed them. After all, she had a life back home...and that life didn't include Johan. Not anymore.
But for now, while she was here with him, she knew she would be devoting herself to making sure he stayed healthy and safe. "You're Johan. And who am I?"
The fairytale, the "Nameless Monster", it was the problem once. Franz Bonaparta was once the monster that they had to escape from, but now the monster was Johan himself. He did not know how to make her understand that it really was too late. Still, her offer reminded him of what he thought he wanted, reminded him of what he wanted.
"Anna," he replied. She was not Nina. Nina was not his sister. His sister was Anna.
Anna. That wasn't who she was anymore... Anna had been a young girl with no real knowledge of the world. Nina was a young woman who sometimes understood what it took to make things right. But who he saw was Anna, and who she saw was Johan. Names were just masks, because really they were just two nameless monsters from a fairytale.
"Come on," she murmured, tugging on his hand to try and lead him down the aisle. "Let's get some ice on your cheek before it starts to swell. I hit you a little harder than I probably should have."
Adamantly, he stood his ground. She offered him what he might have wanted, but he did not know if she would stay. She needed him, then, but not anymore. She was Nina now. She became someone else and she refused to come back to him. He refused to obey someone who was not his sister.
"Are you Anna?" He asked, fearing the answer she might give. There might have been pleading in his voice, or it might just be a trick of one's mind.
It was an important question, and she knew that she needed to tread carefully. Anna was nothing but an old name. A ghost of the past. Really, the correct answer would have been no, but even if she was no longer Anna, she was still his sister. That was all he needed.
Halted in her steps, Nina shifted to look over her shoulder at their linked hands. Then she glanced up to look into those blue eyes of his. They might have been the same color, but she still felt scared whenever she looked into them.
"Yes," Nina whispered, tightening her grip on his hand.
All the things he should have felt filled his eyes at her answer; disbelief, anger, sadness, relief. But the moment was too soon over. Again, His face betrayed no other emotion except for the calm smile gracing his lips. Johan took a step forward and held her hand in return.
"My cheek is throbbing," he said matter-of-factly.
She was quick to look away from his smile, but his words encouraged her. Was it really so easy to get him to cooperate? Nina had a feeling that this was going to be a very long uphill battle...but even if it was small, a victory was still a victory.
"Of course it is. That's why I want to put some ice on it." Suddenly remembering her phone, Nina released his hand so that she could run around the corner to one aisle over. It was on the floor, but didn't appear to be broken. With a sigh of relief, she slipped it into her purse and stood back up.
"Are you staying with anyone?"
Johan let her hand go, eyeing her curiously as she went to fetch her phone. It reminded him of a memory, but he didn't really want to remember that right now. The memory was too old, outdated. Still, it was strange that they were speaking so casually right now; about a throbbing cheek and putting ice on it.
It was as if everything that happened had just been two children in a fight and now everything was alright because she would get him ice for his cheek that she slapped. But Johan knew for sure it would not last.
He linked his hands behind him, following her. He smiled to himself at the question but did not answer.
The silence unnerved her, but Nina tried not to let it show. If she acted scared, then it might have a negative effect on him. Strange, how much she wished for Tenma to be there right then. But she mentally scolded herself as soon as she thought it. Tenma was having a happy life doing some good in the world. Johan was no longer his responsibility.
Really, Johan had never bee his responsibility, but he had been too kind to understand that. Johan was Nina's responsibility. ...Anna's responsibility.
"Well, I want to see where it is you're living, and we can put some ice on it there." Part of her wanted to take his hand again, but they were both adults now, and it would be strange for siblings to walk like that in public. So instead she walked ahead of him, hoping he would follow. "I hope you are staying with someone, because the ticking can really drive a person crazy when alone."
The way she acted made him wonder which of them the older one was. He had never been sure. Mother never said much. He had acted as the older one because he thought he should, he wondered if he was willing to let go of the privilege so easily.
Johan followed her, hands still linked behind him and keeping a little distance between them.
"Are you staying with someone?" He had speculations, but he did not pursue it so he was not sure. Nina was not such an uncommon name. He realized he was dodging the question altogether, but he was not very interested in answering.
Nina's grip on her purse strap tightened, and she stared straight ahead thoughtfully. She didn't want Johan to meet any of her friends. To be truthful, even though she hoped Johan was better, she wasn't a fool. She didn't want to take the chance.
"...I was, but now I'm living alone. I just go out a lot during the day so that the ticking doesn't bother me." It was a blatant lie, but until she could figure out precisely how to handle the situation, she had to try and isolate herself. There was a twinge in her heart at that thought. Mai... She still needed support. Perhaps Nina could still visit when she was sure Johan wasn't following.
For now, she had to quickly locate an apartment of her own without Johan noticing.
Johan wondered if she was lying. He wondered if she was not lying about everything she had said to him so far. He might have felt hurt by that, but he did not show even if he did. In a way he could understand her motives, but in another way she seemed completely irrational to him.
"We can get ice from there," he pointed to a nearby convenience store. If she was lying then he would rather never find out.
As they stepped out onto the sidewalk, Nina looked to where he was pointing. A convenience store? What was wrong with going to his apartment?
Johan...are you hiding from me like I am from you? What a painful thought.
"That's fine. I can pick up some milk while we're there, too," she responded as cheerily as one could in such a bizarre situation. Not that it seemed bizarre to any stranger passing by.
As they approached the convenience store, Nina pulled her wallet out of her purse to tally up how much she had in cash. Maybe she could pick up some candy, too...
Johan mused about whether it should hurt him or not that she was blatantly pretending for him. She was so afraid of him that she would always keep him at a distance. Was she honest back at the library? Was that also an act?
"Will you let me pay?" He asked as she was checking her wallet. He was not the millionaire he was back home, but he had a little money now. He only wanted to give her something; something she would accept. It was trivial, but not for him.
If Johan could pay for things, she wondered if he had a job. ...Hopefully it was an honest job. Still, she didn't want to ask just yet, because she was afraid of the answer.
"If you want to. Thank you." It was an odd thing for him to offer to pay for... Some milk? But she wasn't going to argue over the small things right now, smiling gratefully in his direction as they stepped inside. She had been inside this store before. It was small, but clean.
"The milk is there towards the back. I'll get some ice." Reluctant to part from him, as if expecting him to disappear the moment she turned, Nina kept glancing over her shoulder as she walked over to the soda machine. Finally, she had to look away from him for longer than a few seconds to concentrate on the ice dispenser. A small cup full of ice would do the trick just fine.
What was she supposed to do after this? How was she supposed to plan?
He nodded in reply to her thanks. Really, it should be him thanking her, but she should know that already.
Slowly walking towards the direction she mentioned, he made a show of eyeing the other merchandise in the shop so that he would not end up too far back in the shop when the opportunity arose. He did not expect it to be so easy, really; she did seem very adamant about not letting him get away.
He noticed her glancing to him every few seconds, but he knew that she could not keep her eyes on him all the time. The ice dispenser made enough sound to cover the opening and closing of the door as he left.
Johan really was going to get her that milk however.
It was with a deep sigh that Nina turned back around. Already, the cup was getting cold. It ought to help with the swelling on his cheek. Really, she shouldn't have hit him... "Johan, did you find the milk?"
No response. Startled, Nina looked around. None of the shelves were high enough to hide an adult from view. "Johan?" Oh no. She shouldn't have taken her eyes off of him.
Shoving the cup back onto the counter next to the soda machine, Nina gripped her purse and ran past the counter and out the door, looking around as it swung shut behind her. It was now time to panic.
"Johan!"