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tampered2006-08-17 10:23 pm
againstgod.livejournal.com) wrote in tampered2006-08-17 10:23 pm
Log; complete.
When; August 15th.
Rating; A for low ANGST. Hm PG?
Characters; Kamui & Alexiel.
Summary; Young grasshopper Kamui starts getting lessons from veteran sensei Alexiel in this oh-so-glamorous (but highly traumatic) Messiah business.
Log;
The sun was setting down in the City. The orange sky natural radiance dimmed slightly. The flowers of Xanadu smelled the best at twilight, in her opinion. They were always regenerating and with an artificial beauty as everything in the City. All the damages caused by the Flood were gone; all sparkled as flawless as usual. She was like the City and the blossoms, born to endure forever until the countdown released them from their cycle.
Alexiel chose a quiet, unvisited spot near the lilies and waited patiently until her new pupil chose to make her entrance. Standing with her eyes closed to perceive better the scent of the flowers. She was wearing her old battle outfit; her white cloth was from Heaven while the leather additions were from Anagura. Already the Organic Angel felt sympathy for Kamui’s fate, as she had been aware and suffered in Setsuna’s flesh not so long ago. That the cruel wheel of destiny and puppeteers were similar in other worlds made her rebellious spirit boil in rage, especially when the victims of their manipulations were young and innocents. So full of dreams.
Kamui took a deep breath as he entered the garden, nervous. Could he really do all those things his new teacher had said? He certainly wasn't thinking so. After all, back home, he'd yet to be able to do anything for anyone; he couldn't even make a kekkai like the other Seals. He tried to clear his mind of those thoughts, however; it wouldn't do to be having them while he was trying to train. Then he would be even more useless.
"Alexiel-san...?" he said quietly as he approached her, wearing his school uniform (it was what he felt most normal in, after all), letting his fingertips lightly touch a lily.
Alexiel turned and smiled at Kamui, inclining her head solemnly. "Greetings, Kamui," she said, approaching her gaze was on the lily he was touching. "How are you feeling today?" she asked, interested. Yesterday spell had dampened many moods, even her own twin. High spirits crushed, friendships shaken, but Alexiel trusted they would all find a way to heal the damage and to do so, strengthen their ties.
Kamui smiled slightly. "I... I'm fine. And you?" Sure, he wasn't totally fine --he hadn't been since his time's Subaru showed up-- but it was best not to worry the other. He would deal with his own problems somehow. At least he hadn't been directly affected by the curse that had befallen the city the day before. Indirectly, though... well, Subaru had more or less ignored him existance. That... had hurt. "Um..." he fidgeted a little nervously, shy around new people as always.
"You don't sound very convincing," Alexiel observed, tearing her eyes from the lily to face him fully. She was taller than Kamui, more imposing as a veteran warrior aura even if she had an equally fragile frame without her wings. "I've been better. But I've been also been worse," she replied with a light shrug.
Alexiel sat down on the grass, surrounded by lilies, and looked up, motioned Kamui to do the same. "Before we start the lesson, I want you to tell me what can you do, what can you control and what you are supposed to do, Kamui. It's unwise to walk blind in this area. There's too much at stake."
Kamui nodded and sat down as well, his knees to his chest. "Well... I can't really do much. I have some measure of control over energy, in the form of energy razors and energy blasts, but... that's basically it. I know how to use a sword sort of well too, but..." he played with the grass a bit, "the other Kamui, the one in my friend Fuuma, seems to have more control over his powers and skills than I do. He's stronger, as well. My power is strongest when I'm really, really angry... but then it tends to go out of control. The last time it happened, I lost myself and shoved my hand partway through Fuuma's shoulder. Afterwards, I was too much in shock, and... he took advantage of that." He looked extremely guilty and upset at the idea of hurting his friend, even though it was something he had to do.
"As for the other stuff... I'm supposed to fight and kill the other Kamui to save humanity, but... I don't want that. I want more than anything to save Fuuma, but... even so, I can't form a kekkai like the others on my side can. I'm supposed to be able to, but I can't. That makes me... very useless..."
Alexiel listened serenely to Kamui’s explanation. The boy was so much like Setsuna and yet not. Setsuna was more assertive and less shy; he was a natural leader in his teenage Messiah awkwardness. Kamui sounded tongue-knotted and timid. “Anything else?” she asked, tilting her head, her features were soft and neutral, trying to set the boy at ease. She would not judge him.
“Your main problem, Kamui, is that you don’t want to save humanity. Your powers are for that,” Alexiel explained him. “Because only a handful people populate your mind, your grasp in them is so weak. Fuuma, as opposite, must have a stronger awareness in his goals.” She paused, touching a lily lightly with her right hand. “I know what are you going to say, that to save humanity you must fight your friend but if you don’t save humanity, you can’t save Fuuma either. In which world would you live? How do you think he’ll react if, as I assume, isn’t acting as the friend you knew of the past?”
In which world would he live..? He was asked a simular question before, by Kakyou. He... knew this answer. "I... the world doesn't matter to me without the ones I care about in it. I guess, well... I don't want people to die, but at the same time, I think I would sacrifice them to Fuuma. Even if he acts differently now; even if he hurts me... I'm sure that the old Fuuma is still somewhere in there." His indecision and confusion was really showing itself now. So, he wanted to save humanity, but would rather let them die than Fuuma. It wasn't that he was a bad person, just... he was very connected to his twinstar, even if he didn't realize how deeply that connection went.
“If the old Fuuma lingers there, Kamui… Think, please, would he want to live after the damage he has done?” Alexiel questioned, her eyes were sad. Kamui no longer reminded her of Setsuna but herself – her own battle against Rosiel. “You can defy your own fate if you choose to but if he surrenders to his own, you can’t save him because that was his choice. You have to think clear of how to reach the old Fuuma to speak to him and, even if hurts, question what he will want. Saving someone sometimes implies releasing them of their pain.” She dropped her hand of the lily. “I understand you, I’ve faced a similar desperation with my own brother.”
"No, I..." Kamui looked down, "If Fuuma returns and remembers everything he has done... I will tell him he remembers wrong. I will tell him that it was me. All of it was me." He wasn't sure Fuuma would believe him, but... he could only hope. Anything to make sure that Fuuma lived. Anything to protect Fuuma, just as his Fuuma had always done for him. "Even if he hates me, I will definitely convince him of that."
“Kamui,” Alexiel started softly, reaching for his chin with her long fingers, lifting his gaze to meet his sad eyes. “He won’t believe you, even if you insist, he will feel terrible. My twin went mad and did things he never would have done if he were sane, all because our Father, the Creator, cursed him with a rotting existence since his birth. His mind, soul and body were rotting. Can you understand the pain he went through? But I foolishly insisted to be able to save him, to return him to the old days when he only screamed release. I had to end him in the end, I had to listen to the pleas of his real self that suffered enough not because he wanted to but because my own selfishness, my inability to break my attachment.”
His eyes reflected both shock and pain at her words. "I... I don't know if I could kill him, though. It would hurt... so much. I couldn't bear it at all... I'd have to end my life, as well, if I did." Fuuma was the last thing he had that was part of his identity. What he knew of his family was gone, as was Fuuma's family (who'd always been a sort of honorary one for him). Now it was just him and Fuuma. "But... I guess that if he does want me to kill him, and then I kill myself afterwards... we can see each other in Hell. If there even is one in my world." If was odd, but at that thought, he was kinda hoping there was.
Alexiel smiled fondly, shaking her head. “I told you that experience in case your friend is as far gone and perverted as my brother was… is.” The City returned him to her in all his maddening glory and that provoked myriad of emotions within her. “For you to know that to save one you love, sometimes implies to end their lives if you truly love them. However, my training will focus in making you a good Messiah and to be so you must be a strong person with a real passion about the world you live. It’s hard, I know, but you must learn to love it.” She made another pause, “Before we start with that, Kamui, I want you to explain me how are the events in your world. How do you know your so called fate, why and who are chosen.”
"The events...?" Kamui tilted his head a little. "Well, Fuuma has destroyed most of the kekkai that protect Tokyo; there are only two left. As soon as those fall, and Tokyo falls... humanity will be destroyed." He looked very upset, and it was obvious he was currently blaming and berating himself for all of the events so far. "The yumemi... they're the ones who told us this would happen. They're the ones who explained to me my possible fates. My mother, though... she was the first to tell me what I was to be. I was born with this fate, and Fuuma was born to be my twinstar. I'm not sure... why it was us in particular, but..." He didn't really want to admit that he didn't know his father. It was still... embarrassing and shameful to him.
“Yumemi…” Alexiel muttered, that sounded like a Seer of some kind and those are always tricky. The future wasn’t something to be foreseen or guessed. Otherwise, it would limit the possibilities to happen. “Personally if I were in your place, I would seek your father,” she informed Kamui, noticing he did not touch his identity. “Seek the truth behind your origin by yourself. After doing that, wonder who is sending those visions to all these seers. Someone must be pulling the strings. That is your real enemy. Fuuma sounds like a puppet of this game.”
"Actually, one of the yumemi... it seems as if there is something seriously wrong with her. She's the one who first explained my fate, Fuuma's fate, and my mother's fate to me. She's the one who wanted me to choose to be a Dragon of Heaven, and yet... it seems as though she is the one who tried to kill me when I first came to Tokyo. And she keeps telling us which kekkai will fall next, only she doesn't tell the truth anymore. Now she seems set on seperating us; on hurting us." He ran a hand into his hair, bunching it up. "I don't know why, though. I don't know what is going on with her."
A sigh and a long pause later, Kamui finally responded to the other's inquiry involving his father. "My... my father... I've never met him. No one has told me anything about him, either." He looked down again, obviously ashamed of the fact.
Alexiel’s eyes narrowed sharply at that. It sounded too suspicious like Adam Kadmon’s erratic behaviour around Setsuna’s era. “Then she might not be what appears to be at first sight, Kamui. Even the benefactors are controlled in these dangerous games. Keep a watchful eye on that woman and follow what you discern not what she tells you.” She moved to pat the boy’s head when he bashfully looked down. “Don’t be ashamed by the actions of a careless father, you are a victims and victims shouldn’t be blamed. It may sound strange but if this Fuuma friend of yours shares such deep bond and path, perhaps he shares the same blood, the same father.”
Kamui had been planning to say something more about Hinoto, but that thought flew right out of his head at the other's idea about Kamui's father. "The same... father...?" He looked a cross between shocked and horrified at the thought. "My brother?" Sure, Fuuma had always been sort of big brother-ish (but not quite, because he knew Fuuma treated him differently from Kotori for some reason), but... for some reason, the idea of him actually being his brother was just... too weird. "But all those things he did to me... the licking..." Besides, he and Fuuma looked nothing a like at all, right?
Alexiel was silent until Kamui settled in his shock and reaction. She was not going to pry in what sort of friendship the boys had but there was a natural nervousness that gave her a clue or two. “Perhaps he doesn’t know either,” she continued. “You two are close, tie by fate and emotion but also there must be a physical bond to mark him as your equal.” She shrugged off, “It’s a personal speculation, pay no attention, Kamui.”
Kamui nodded slowly, calming a bit more. "Y-yeah. I'd rather not think of that right now." It freaked him out too much. But then again, everyone had seemingly made a POINT of not telling him who his father was, so that... it made him wonder a little. What if Fuuma really was his brother? Would that change things between them? Maybe. All Kamui could do was shudder a little. Why was the thought of Fuuma being his brother freaking him out so much?
Alexiel pursed her lips, “What do you feel about Fuuma, Kamui?” she asked, straightening her posture. “Blood ties are meaningless to those emotional bonds you form.” She was honest in that, angels were all children of the Adam Kadmon, Setsuna was in love of his own sister. Love was pure, a great feeling that should not be consider filthy due to an incident of nature.
"What do I feel...?" Kamui gripped his shirt, over his heart. What did he feel? He never really sat down and thought about it. "I don't know. I know that... he's close and important to me. Very much so." But how close? Kamui wasn't sure, really. Especially since Fuuma had changed. This all was very... confusing.
“Before loving the world, before learning to control your emotions, Kamui, you must know your heart,” Alexiel said, relaxing her shoulders. “If you don’t know how you feel, if you keep in the dark what you fear might or might not be you will never have control of your powers or your fate.”
"Know my heart..." Kamui still didn't know how he felt. He knew he loved Kotori and Subaru, but Fuuma... was somehow more important to him than even they were. Did that mean he loved Fuuma? And if he did, how did he love him? There were many types of love, after all. "Can... I have time to think about this?" he asked a little sheepishly.
Alexiel gave a small nod and then stood. “I am not pressuring you, Kamui. I took long, long time to mature myself. You count with a shorter lifespan but you can figure it out sooner.” She offered a hand down the boy to help him rise. “Can you fly? It will take your mind off your worries. That is what you need now.”
Kamui took the hand offered and rose to his feet, dusting himself off. "No... I can jump really high and far, but I can't fly." It would be kinda cool if he could though, he thought. "I only have wings in my dreams." Though, of course, they weren't angel wings of any sort. Fuuma was the one who seemed to have those.
“You have them,” Alexiel observed, glancing at him, digging into his very soul. “Bat wings like the innocent evils I sided during the second holy war.” She spread her own primordial three wings, hiding the other set from her brother deep within her spirit. White feathers swirled in the air, falling softly above the lilies. “Hold onto me tightly, Kamui. Until you learn to fly by yourself, I will be your wings.”
Kamui's eyes had widened when the other somehow knew what type of wings he had; as well as being told that he DID have them, and they weren't just something from his dreams. He would probably be terrified if they ever came out. "Ah." He nodded and clung to Alexiel, feeling just a little nervous about this flying idea. He'd only ever flown in a plane before.
"To reach your potential, Kamui," Alexiel told him, hiding a sly smile. She wrapped her right arm around his waist firmly and then started the flight onward. "You must learn to let yourself free, to hold into the sensation of wings to surprass all the obstacles. You're like a caged bird, Kamui, comfortable and afraid of the horizon that waits for you. I used to be like that, loving and hating the prison."
"A caged bird..." he mused to himself, watching the objects on the ground get smaller and smaller. It was pretty cool, actually. Even if he still was on edge. He was safe, right? Alexiel wouldn't let him go splat at this point... r-right?
"Close your eyes; don't look down," Alexiel advised, twirling with him in the air, then dive down and up, going through clouds and flying with a flock of birds. "Do you feel the freedom?"
Kamui closed his eyes as suggested and tried to relax a little; focus more on the other sensations he was feeling. It was cooler up here, that was for sure, and the air smelt different. The sensation of going through the clouds was also pretty neat, and the wind in his hair was nice too. It really was rather calming to be flying like this. He opened his eyes just a little to look at the birds, then closed them again, sighing contently. "Yeah..."
“Are you cold?” Alexiel asked, warming the air wrapping them slightly when noticed a slight temblor. She also enjoyed the peaceful flight, it helped her to forget all that time trapped without being able to fly, feel the breeze and the freedom of moving without ground to stand. “If you were to be the Messiah, the first step is to fly out the nest. I can’t hold you forever. One day, you’ll have to spread your own wings, you will be afraid but that will pass soon, eclipsed by the euphoria of total freedom.”
"Huh?" was Kamui's first response. The flight had started to make him a little too calm; to the point of being almost so relaxed that he was dazed. Luckily, her words caught up to him eventually, and he gave her a confused look. "Spread my own wings?" Was she being metaphorical or... talking about the wings she said he had or... what? This was all so weird. He didn't know what was going on anymore.
Alexiel shook her head. "I speak about your own wings, Kamui. Close your eyes and feel them. They should be tickling you to come outside," she elaborated, serenely, going further up. She could not just release the boy without brace him for the danger.
That sounded so strange. Just the concept. "Okay." With his eyes tightly shut, he concentrated, trying to find, well... tickling. He thought he did feel something, though, inside of him. Was that it? It was a feeling around his back, which would make sense for wings, but... he still didn't know. "I think I feel..." He didn't know how to describe it, though.
Alexiel nodded and clasped her left hand on one of his; her right arm released him and then took the other hand with firmness. She flew on her place, flailing her powerful three wings as he remained suspended. "Call them out, spread them," Alexiel instructed. "Feel the air on your feet, there is no ground to step on. Take the wings out, Kamui. Don't fear them because they are part of you and yours to command."
Right now, he was very, very aware of there not being a ground to step on. He was getting nervous again; although, he tried to control that and do as she said. He did think it would be cool to be able to fly like this on his own. Weird, but cool. All he could do was continue to concentrate and hope she was right about all this.
Alexiel waited, mute and unmoving like a white, Madonna statue (if wasn’t for her hair and her wings, that was obvious). Her eyes bore deeply into Kamui’s spirit and how he was slowly but surely awaking his power. The wings were a mark of who he was, a symbolic growing. She tightened her grip on his hands to ease his nervousness.
Kamui did feel a little better when she held his hands a little more firmly, and that just meant he could concentrate more. Perhaps he needed to clear his mind of his doubts about this too? More than one person had told him that was a problem for him, as of late. As he focused more seriously, he really did start to feel something for certain. Something that felt like it was growing. That... maybe that was what he had to totally concentrate on. He... could do this. For once, he was trying his best to believe that.
Alexiel smiled proudly as she noticed the increase of energy and the newfound resolution of Kamui’s face. The boy was taking things seriously, that was also good news for his future. “Let me help you, little bird. You need a push out the nest,” she murmured, releasing her hold on his hands.
Kamui gasped as she let go, too scared to scream, but suddenly felt that sensation from a moment ago grow and explode outward, almost out of instinct. Now it felt as if there was something... weird on his back; like extensions of himself somehow. Two of them, in fact... that he felt stretch out, and now he was glidding. He opened his eyes, shocked, and was even more so when he saw the two leathery wings behind him. Holy shit... he really did have wings. Experimentally, he managed to move them, propelling himself forward a bit before doing it again. This was still requiring an awful lot of concentration. Perhaps it was because he wasn't used to it yet.
He did it! Alexiel clapped loudly, flying just behind him and reaching out for his arm to help Kamui find balance. His wings surely were mildly stunned by the lack of used and needed a gentler exercise. “I’m sorry but I had to do it. I would have caught you if you didn’t spread them,” she explained. Or have Raphael fix him if she couldn’t. “Find your balance point to direct your flight, Kamui. But you did well. Very good.”
"Ah..." he squeaked, still shaken up; both from the fall and the fact that he still couldn't believe his wings were real. This was really amazing. After a while of wobbly flying, he managed to calm down enough (after all, with his own wings, he didn't have to worry about falling again) to start concentrating on flying straight. That was pretty hard too. "This is... difficult." Still, he managed to fly... kinda straight. Had to work on that balance point more for sure.
"You need practice," Alexiel pointed out, leading him down, to a lower height where he could practice safely. "You just started flying, Kamui. Don't force yourself or your wings. If you want to land, do it." She released his arm when she felt he found his own balance.
He nodded. "I'm sort of... this is sort of tiring." He wanted to stop, but... how was he supposed to slow down? How was he supposed to land? "How do I stop, though?" He blushed a little, finding having to ask something so simple embarrassing. If he was born with these wings, using them should be second nature, right? He wasn't sure if he was to just stop moving them or what. He'd never seen a bat land, and these wings were different than bird ones...
“Hold onto me,” Alexiel offered, too amused to contain her laughter. He was so innocent, like a child. It only made her more furious to corroborate this one would also suffer the fate to be a Messiah. “I guess we could leave the landing lessons for another day.” She offered her hand and guided Kamui back to the lily spot of the garden where she descended slowly until her feet touched the ground.
He let her guide him to the ground, feeling a bit of relief to be back down. He wasn't totally comfortable with flying yet, but that would probably come with practice. Only bad thing was that his standing balance was off now, and he almost fell backwards. With a little effort, he managed to right himself, wrapping the black wings around his body almost like a cloak. "Okay, they're out..." he looked at her curiously. "Now how do I make them go back in?"
“Focus,” Alexiel replied Kamui mirthfully as her own wings vanished in a flash of bright light. “It must be as natural as to move an arm or a leg. Think then away, tuck them back into you. They were always in you but hidden from the earthly plane of existence.”
Kamui closed his eyes to concentrate better, and did as she said: thought them away. And, surprisingly, after a few moments of doing so, it worked. He no longer felt them outside of his body. Opening his eyes slowly, he looked behind him again, just to make sure they really weren't there. "Wow."
Alexiel waited a minute so his awe wore off. “How do you feel, Kamui?” she asked, knowing that the first flight experience was both traumatic and liberating. The little step to adulthood.
He looked to her for a second, then looked away, thinking. "It was... kind of scary, actually. Flying itself is really nice, but... being dropped, finding out I have real wings, and then having to use them for the first time... that was frightening." Kamui glanced back up to her. "Is that weird?"
“No,” Alexiel shook her head, waving her right hand dismissingly. She was familiar with anxiety of the youth but had occurred so long ago that no longer she recalled. “You are changing, fear always follows the change, the fear that things will be worse but remember how good you feel to fly. That’s how you’ll feel, even better when you master the control over your wings.”
Kamui nodded. "I'll be sure to practice, then." He figured flying would be a good ability anyway. Would make exploring the city easier; not to mention getting around would be a snap. And then... a random thought popped in his head, a small blush appearing for reasons he didn't yet understand, "when I'm really good, maybe I can take the younger Subaru out flying..." Surely that would be okay, just as long as he was careful, right?
Alexiel looked severe for a moment then softened. She accepted the boy needed to live his life at better pace than her tragic past. “Yes, but you need to practice a lot, strengthen your wings to carry another. And…” she paused, grinning mirthfully. “Learn how to land.”
Kamui nodded again. "I'll definitely be sure to get stronger. Not just to fly with Subaru, but to save the world back home too." He knew it wouldn't be easy, but if he could do something like fly, then surely being a capable saviour was possible too. At least, he hoped so. Okay, so he still had doubts; that's why he was still "in training". At least he had a good teacher. Smiling to the other, he bowed. "Thank you, Alexiel-san. I look forward to your next lesson."
Rating; A for low ANGST. Hm PG?
Characters; Kamui & Alexiel.
Summary; Young grasshopper Kamui starts getting lessons from veteran sensei Alexiel in this oh-so-glamorous (but highly traumatic) Messiah business.
Log;
The sun was setting down in the City. The orange sky natural radiance dimmed slightly. The flowers of Xanadu smelled the best at twilight, in her opinion. They were always regenerating and with an artificial beauty as everything in the City. All the damages caused by the Flood were gone; all sparkled as flawless as usual. She was like the City and the blossoms, born to endure forever until the countdown released them from their cycle.
Alexiel chose a quiet, unvisited spot near the lilies and waited patiently until her new pupil chose to make her entrance. Standing with her eyes closed to perceive better the scent of the flowers. She was wearing her old battle outfit; her white cloth was from Heaven while the leather additions were from Anagura. Already the Organic Angel felt sympathy for Kamui’s fate, as she had been aware and suffered in Setsuna’s flesh not so long ago. That the cruel wheel of destiny and puppeteers were similar in other worlds made her rebellious spirit boil in rage, especially when the victims of their manipulations were young and innocents. So full of dreams.
Kamui took a deep breath as he entered the garden, nervous. Could he really do all those things his new teacher had said? He certainly wasn't thinking so. After all, back home, he'd yet to be able to do anything for anyone; he couldn't even make a kekkai like the other Seals. He tried to clear his mind of those thoughts, however; it wouldn't do to be having them while he was trying to train. Then he would be even more useless.
"Alexiel-san...?" he said quietly as he approached her, wearing his school uniform (it was what he felt most normal in, after all), letting his fingertips lightly touch a lily.
Alexiel turned and smiled at Kamui, inclining her head solemnly. "Greetings, Kamui," she said, approaching her gaze was on the lily he was touching. "How are you feeling today?" she asked, interested. Yesterday spell had dampened many moods, even her own twin. High spirits crushed, friendships shaken, but Alexiel trusted they would all find a way to heal the damage and to do so, strengthen their ties.
Kamui smiled slightly. "I... I'm fine. And you?" Sure, he wasn't totally fine --he hadn't been since his time's Subaru showed up-- but it was best not to worry the other. He would deal with his own problems somehow. At least he hadn't been directly affected by the curse that had befallen the city the day before. Indirectly, though... well, Subaru had more or less ignored him existance. That... had hurt. "Um..." he fidgeted a little nervously, shy around new people as always.
"You don't sound very convincing," Alexiel observed, tearing her eyes from the lily to face him fully. She was taller than Kamui, more imposing as a veteran warrior aura even if she had an equally fragile frame without her wings. "I've been better. But I've been also been worse," she replied with a light shrug.
Alexiel sat down on the grass, surrounded by lilies, and looked up, motioned Kamui to do the same. "Before we start the lesson, I want you to tell me what can you do, what can you control and what you are supposed to do, Kamui. It's unwise to walk blind in this area. There's too much at stake."
Kamui nodded and sat down as well, his knees to his chest. "Well... I can't really do much. I have some measure of control over energy, in the form of energy razors and energy blasts, but... that's basically it. I know how to use a sword sort of well too, but..." he played with the grass a bit, "the other Kamui, the one in my friend Fuuma, seems to have more control over his powers and skills than I do. He's stronger, as well. My power is strongest when I'm really, really angry... but then it tends to go out of control. The last time it happened, I lost myself and shoved my hand partway through Fuuma's shoulder. Afterwards, I was too much in shock, and... he took advantage of that." He looked extremely guilty and upset at the idea of hurting his friend, even though it was something he had to do.
"As for the other stuff... I'm supposed to fight and kill the other Kamui to save humanity, but... I don't want that. I want more than anything to save Fuuma, but... even so, I can't form a kekkai like the others on my side can. I'm supposed to be able to, but I can't. That makes me... very useless..."
Alexiel listened serenely to Kamui’s explanation. The boy was so much like Setsuna and yet not. Setsuna was more assertive and less shy; he was a natural leader in his teenage Messiah awkwardness. Kamui sounded tongue-knotted and timid. “Anything else?” she asked, tilting her head, her features were soft and neutral, trying to set the boy at ease. She would not judge him.
“Your main problem, Kamui, is that you don’t want to save humanity. Your powers are for that,” Alexiel explained him. “Because only a handful people populate your mind, your grasp in them is so weak. Fuuma, as opposite, must have a stronger awareness in his goals.” She paused, touching a lily lightly with her right hand. “I know what are you going to say, that to save humanity you must fight your friend but if you don’t save humanity, you can’t save Fuuma either. In which world would you live? How do you think he’ll react if, as I assume, isn’t acting as the friend you knew of the past?”
In which world would he live..? He was asked a simular question before, by Kakyou. He... knew this answer. "I... the world doesn't matter to me without the ones I care about in it. I guess, well... I don't want people to die, but at the same time, I think I would sacrifice them to Fuuma. Even if he acts differently now; even if he hurts me... I'm sure that the old Fuuma is still somewhere in there." His indecision and confusion was really showing itself now. So, he wanted to save humanity, but would rather let them die than Fuuma. It wasn't that he was a bad person, just... he was very connected to his twinstar, even if he didn't realize how deeply that connection went.
“If the old Fuuma lingers there, Kamui… Think, please, would he want to live after the damage he has done?” Alexiel questioned, her eyes were sad. Kamui no longer reminded her of Setsuna but herself – her own battle against Rosiel. “You can defy your own fate if you choose to but if he surrenders to his own, you can’t save him because that was his choice. You have to think clear of how to reach the old Fuuma to speak to him and, even if hurts, question what he will want. Saving someone sometimes implies releasing them of their pain.” She dropped her hand of the lily. “I understand you, I’ve faced a similar desperation with my own brother.”
"No, I..." Kamui looked down, "If Fuuma returns and remembers everything he has done... I will tell him he remembers wrong. I will tell him that it was me. All of it was me." He wasn't sure Fuuma would believe him, but... he could only hope. Anything to make sure that Fuuma lived. Anything to protect Fuuma, just as his Fuuma had always done for him. "Even if he hates me, I will definitely convince him of that."
“Kamui,” Alexiel started softly, reaching for his chin with her long fingers, lifting his gaze to meet his sad eyes. “He won’t believe you, even if you insist, he will feel terrible. My twin went mad and did things he never would have done if he were sane, all because our Father, the Creator, cursed him with a rotting existence since his birth. His mind, soul and body were rotting. Can you understand the pain he went through? But I foolishly insisted to be able to save him, to return him to the old days when he only screamed release. I had to end him in the end, I had to listen to the pleas of his real self that suffered enough not because he wanted to but because my own selfishness, my inability to break my attachment.”
His eyes reflected both shock and pain at her words. "I... I don't know if I could kill him, though. It would hurt... so much. I couldn't bear it at all... I'd have to end my life, as well, if I did." Fuuma was the last thing he had that was part of his identity. What he knew of his family was gone, as was Fuuma's family (who'd always been a sort of honorary one for him). Now it was just him and Fuuma. "But... I guess that if he does want me to kill him, and then I kill myself afterwards... we can see each other in Hell. If there even is one in my world." If was odd, but at that thought, he was kinda hoping there was.
Alexiel smiled fondly, shaking her head. “I told you that experience in case your friend is as far gone and perverted as my brother was… is.” The City returned him to her in all his maddening glory and that provoked myriad of emotions within her. “For you to know that to save one you love, sometimes implies to end their lives if you truly love them. However, my training will focus in making you a good Messiah and to be so you must be a strong person with a real passion about the world you live. It’s hard, I know, but you must learn to love it.” She made another pause, “Before we start with that, Kamui, I want you to explain me how are the events in your world. How do you know your so called fate, why and who are chosen.”
"The events...?" Kamui tilted his head a little. "Well, Fuuma has destroyed most of the kekkai that protect Tokyo; there are only two left. As soon as those fall, and Tokyo falls... humanity will be destroyed." He looked very upset, and it was obvious he was currently blaming and berating himself for all of the events so far. "The yumemi... they're the ones who told us this would happen. They're the ones who explained to me my possible fates. My mother, though... she was the first to tell me what I was to be. I was born with this fate, and Fuuma was born to be my twinstar. I'm not sure... why it was us in particular, but..." He didn't really want to admit that he didn't know his father. It was still... embarrassing and shameful to him.
“Yumemi…” Alexiel muttered, that sounded like a Seer of some kind and those are always tricky. The future wasn’t something to be foreseen or guessed. Otherwise, it would limit the possibilities to happen. “Personally if I were in your place, I would seek your father,” she informed Kamui, noticing he did not touch his identity. “Seek the truth behind your origin by yourself. After doing that, wonder who is sending those visions to all these seers. Someone must be pulling the strings. That is your real enemy. Fuuma sounds like a puppet of this game.”
"Actually, one of the yumemi... it seems as if there is something seriously wrong with her. She's the one who first explained my fate, Fuuma's fate, and my mother's fate to me. She's the one who wanted me to choose to be a Dragon of Heaven, and yet... it seems as though she is the one who tried to kill me when I first came to Tokyo. And she keeps telling us which kekkai will fall next, only she doesn't tell the truth anymore. Now she seems set on seperating us; on hurting us." He ran a hand into his hair, bunching it up. "I don't know why, though. I don't know what is going on with her."
A sigh and a long pause later, Kamui finally responded to the other's inquiry involving his father. "My... my father... I've never met him. No one has told me anything about him, either." He looked down again, obviously ashamed of the fact.
Alexiel’s eyes narrowed sharply at that. It sounded too suspicious like Adam Kadmon’s erratic behaviour around Setsuna’s era. “Then she might not be what appears to be at first sight, Kamui. Even the benefactors are controlled in these dangerous games. Keep a watchful eye on that woman and follow what you discern not what she tells you.” She moved to pat the boy’s head when he bashfully looked down. “Don’t be ashamed by the actions of a careless father, you are a victims and victims shouldn’t be blamed. It may sound strange but if this Fuuma friend of yours shares such deep bond and path, perhaps he shares the same blood, the same father.”
Kamui had been planning to say something more about Hinoto, but that thought flew right out of his head at the other's idea about Kamui's father. "The same... father...?" He looked a cross between shocked and horrified at the thought. "My brother?" Sure, Fuuma had always been sort of big brother-ish (but not quite, because he knew Fuuma treated him differently from Kotori for some reason), but... for some reason, the idea of him actually being his brother was just... too weird. "But all those things he did to me... the licking..." Besides, he and Fuuma looked nothing a like at all, right?
Alexiel was silent until Kamui settled in his shock and reaction. She was not going to pry in what sort of friendship the boys had but there was a natural nervousness that gave her a clue or two. “Perhaps he doesn’t know either,” she continued. “You two are close, tie by fate and emotion but also there must be a physical bond to mark him as your equal.” She shrugged off, “It’s a personal speculation, pay no attention, Kamui.”
Kamui nodded slowly, calming a bit more. "Y-yeah. I'd rather not think of that right now." It freaked him out too much. But then again, everyone had seemingly made a POINT of not telling him who his father was, so that... it made him wonder a little. What if Fuuma really was his brother? Would that change things between them? Maybe. All Kamui could do was shudder a little. Why was the thought of Fuuma being his brother freaking him out so much?
Alexiel pursed her lips, “What do you feel about Fuuma, Kamui?” she asked, straightening her posture. “Blood ties are meaningless to those emotional bonds you form.” She was honest in that, angels were all children of the Adam Kadmon, Setsuna was in love of his own sister. Love was pure, a great feeling that should not be consider filthy due to an incident of nature.
"What do I feel...?" Kamui gripped his shirt, over his heart. What did he feel? He never really sat down and thought about it. "I don't know. I know that... he's close and important to me. Very much so." But how close? Kamui wasn't sure, really. Especially since Fuuma had changed. This all was very... confusing.
“Before loving the world, before learning to control your emotions, Kamui, you must know your heart,” Alexiel said, relaxing her shoulders. “If you don’t know how you feel, if you keep in the dark what you fear might or might not be you will never have control of your powers or your fate.”
"Know my heart..." Kamui still didn't know how he felt. He knew he loved Kotori and Subaru, but Fuuma... was somehow more important to him than even they were. Did that mean he loved Fuuma? And if he did, how did he love him? There were many types of love, after all. "Can... I have time to think about this?" he asked a little sheepishly.
Alexiel gave a small nod and then stood. “I am not pressuring you, Kamui. I took long, long time to mature myself. You count with a shorter lifespan but you can figure it out sooner.” She offered a hand down the boy to help him rise. “Can you fly? It will take your mind off your worries. That is what you need now.”
Kamui took the hand offered and rose to his feet, dusting himself off. "No... I can jump really high and far, but I can't fly." It would be kinda cool if he could though, he thought. "I only have wings in my dreams." Though, of course, they weren't angel wings of any sort. Fuuma was the one who seemed to have those.
“You have them,” Alexiel observed, glancing at him, digging into his very soul. “Bat wings like the innocent evils I sided during the second holy war.” She spread her own primordial three wings, hiding the other set from her brother deep within her spirit. White feathers swirled in the air, falling softly above the lilies. “Hold onto me tightly, Kamui. Until you learn to fly by yourself, I will be your wings.”
Kamui's eyes had widened when the other somehow knew what type of wings he had; as well as being told that he DID have them, and they weren't just something from his dreams. He would probably be terrified if they ever came out. "Ah." He nodded and clung to Alexiel, feeling just a little nervous about this flying idea. He'd only ever flown in a plane before.
"To reach your potential, Kamui," Alexiel told him, hiding a sly smile. She wrapped her right arm around his waist firmly and then started the flight onward. "You must learn to let yourself free, to hold into the sensation of wings to surprass all the obstacles. You're like a caged bird, Kamui, comfortable and afraid of the horizon that waits for you. I used to be like that, loving and hating the prison."
"A caged bird..." he mused to himself, watching the objects on the ground get smaller and smaller. It was pretty cool, actually. Even if he still was on edge. He was safe, right? Alexiel wouldn't let him go splat at this point... r-right?
"Close your eyes; don't look down," Alexiel advised, twirling with him in the air, then dive down and up, going through clouds and flying with a flock of birds. "Do you feel the freedom?"
Kamui closed his eyes as suggested and tried to relax a little; focus more on the other sensations he was feeling. It was cooler up here, that was for sure, and the air smelt different. The sensation of going through the clouds was also pretty neat, and the wind in his hair was nice too. It really was rather calming to be flying like this. He opened his eyes just a little to look at the birds, then closed them again, sighing contently. "Yeah..."
“Are you cold?” Alexiel asked, warming the air wrapping them slightly when noticed a slight temblor. She also enjoyed the peaceful flight, it helped her to forget all that time trapped without being able to fly, feel the breeze and the freedom of moving without ground to stand. “If you were to be the Messiah, the first step is to fly out the nest. I can’t hold you forever. One day, you’ll have to spread your own wings, you will be afraid but that will pass soon, eclipsed by the euphoria of total freedom.”
"Huh?" was Kamui's first response. The flight had started to make him a little too calm; to the point of being almost so relaxed that he was dazed. Luckily, her words caught up to him eventually, and he gave her a confused look. "Spread my own wings?" Was she being metaphorical or... talking about the wings she said he had or... what? This was all so weird. He didn't know what was going on anymore.
Alexiel shook her head. "I speak about your own wings, Kamui. Close your eyes and feel them. They should be tickling you to come outside," she elaborated, serenely, going further up. She could not just release the boy without brace him for the danger.
That sounded so strange. Just the concept. "Okay." With his eyes tightly shut, he concentrated, trying to find, well... tickling. He thought he did feel something, though, inside of him. Was that it? It was a feeling around his back, which would make sense for wings, but... he still didn't know. "I think I feel..." He didn't know how to describe it, though.
Alexiel nodded and clasped her left hand on one of his; her right arm released him and then took the other hand with firmness. She flew on her place, flailing her powerful three wings as he remained suspended. "Call them out, spread them," Alexiel instructed. "Feel the air on your feet, there is no ground to step on. Take the wings out, Kamui. Don't fear them because they are part of you and yours to command."
Right now, he was very, very aware of there not being a ground to step on. He was getting nervous again; although, he tried to control that and do as she said. He did think it would be cool to be able to fly like this on his own. Weird, but cool. All he could do was continue to concentrate and hope she was right about all this.
Alexiel waited, mute and unmoving like a white, Madonna statue (if wasn’t for her hair and her wings, that was obvious). Her eyes bore deeply into Kamui’s spirit and how he was slowly but surely awaking his power. The wings were a mark of who he was, a symbolic growing. She tightened her grip on his hands to ease his nervousness.
Kamui did feel a little better when she held his hands a little more firmly, and that just meant he could concentrate more. Perhaps he needed to clear his mind of his doubts about this too? More than one person had told him that was a problem for him, as of late. As he focused more seriously, he really did start to feel something for certain. Something that felt like it was growing. That... maybe that was what he had to totally concentrate on. He... could do this. For once, he was trying his best to believe that.
Alexiel smiled proudly as she noticed the increase of energy and the newfound resolution of Kamui’s face. The boy was taking things seriously, that was also good news for his future. “Let me help you, little bird. You need a push out the nest,” she murmured, releasing her hold on his hands.
Kamui gasped as she let go, too scared to scream, but suddenly felt that sensation from a moment ago grow and explode outward, almost out of instinct. Now it felt as if there was something... weird on his back; like extensions of himself somehow. Two of them, in fact... that he felt stretch out, and now he was glidding. He opened his eyes, shocked, and was even more so when he saw the two leathery wings behind him. Holy shit... he really did have wings. Experimentally, he managed to move them, propelling himself forward a bit before doing it again. This was still requiring an awful lot of concentration. Perhaps it was because he wasn't used to it yet.
He did it! Alexiel clapped loudly, flying just behind him and reaching out for his arm to help Kamui find balance. His wings surely were mildly stunned by the lack of used and needed a gentler exercise. “I’m sorry but I had to do it. I would have caught you if you didn’t spread them,” she explained. Or have Raphael fix him if she couldn’t. “Find your balance point to direct your flight, Kamui. But you did well. Very good.”
"Ah..." he squeaked, still shaken up; both from the fall and the fact that he still couldn't believe his wings were real. This was really amazing. After a while of wobbly flying, he managed to calm down enough (after all, with his own wings, he didn't have to worry about falling again) to start concentrating on flying straight. That was pretty hard too. "This is... difficult." Still, he managed to fly... kinda straight. Had to work on that balance point more for sure.
"You need practice," Alexiel pointed out, leading him down, to a lower height where he could practice safely. "You just started flying, Kamui. Don't force yourself or your wings. If you want to land, do it." She released his arm when she felt he found his own balance.
He nodded. "I'm sort of... this is sort of tiring." He wanted to stop, but... how was he supposed to slow down? How was he supposed to land? "How do I stop, though?" He blushed a little, finding having to ask something so simple embarrassing. If he was born with these wings, using them should be second nature, right? He wasn't sure if he was to just stop moving them or what. He'd never seen a bat land, and these wings were different than bird ones...
“Hold onto me,” Alexiel offered, too amused to contain her laughter. He was so innocent, like a child. It only made her more furious to corroborate this one would also suffer the fate to be a Messiah. “I guess we could leave the landing lessons for another day.” She offered her hand and guided Kamui back to the lily spot of the garden where she descended slowly until her feet touched the ground.
He let her guide him to the ground, feeling a bit of relief to be back down. He wasn't totally comfortable with flying yet, but that would probably come with practice. Only bad thing was that his standing balance was off now, and he almost fell backwards. With a little effort, he managed to right himself, wrapping the black wings around his body almost like a cloak. "Okay, they're out..." he looked at her curiously. "Now how do I make them go back in?"
“Focus,” Alexiel replied Kamui mirthfully as her own wings vanished in a flash of bright light. “It must be as natural as to move an arm or a leg. Think then away, tuck them back into you. They were always in you but hidden from the earthly plane of existence.”
Kamui closed his eyes to concentrate better, and did as she said: thought them away. And, surprisingly, after a few moments of doing so, it worked. He no longer felt them outside of his body. Opening his eyes slowly, he looked behind him again, just to make sure they really weren't there. "Wow."
Alexiel waited a minute so his awe wore off. “How do you feel, Kamui?” she asked, knowing that the first flight experience was both traumatic and liberating. The little step to adulthood.
He looked to her for a second, then looked away, thinking. "It was... kind of scary, actually. Flying itself is really nice, but... being dropped, finding out I have real wings, and then having to use them for the first time... that was frightening." Kamui glanced back up to her. "Is that weird?"
“No,” Alexiel shook her head, waving her right hand dismissingly. She was familiar with anxiety of the youth but had occurred so long ago that no longer she recalled. “You are changing, fear always follows the change, the fear that things will be worse but remember how good you feel to fly. That’s how you’ll feel, even better when you master the control over your wings.”
Kamui nodded. "I'll be sure to practice, then." He figured flying would be a good ability anyway. Would make exploring the city easier; not to mention getting around would be a snap. And then... a random thought popped in his head, a small blush appearing for reasons he didn't yet understand, "when I'm really good, maybe I can take the younger Subaru out flying..." Surely that would be okay, just as long as he was careful, right?
Alexiel looked severe for a moment then softened. She accepted the boy needed to live his life at better pace than her tragic past. “Yes, but you need to practice a lot, strengthen your wings to carry another. And…” she paused, grinning mirthfully. “Learn how to land.”
Kamui nodded again. "I'll definitely be sure to get stronger. Not just to fly with Subaru, but to save the world back home too." He knew it wouldn't be easy, but if he could do something like fly, then surely being a capable saviour was possible too. At least, he hoped so. Okay, so he still had doubts; that's why he was still "in training". At least he had a good teacher. Smiling to the other, he bowed. "Thank you, Alexiel-san. I look forward to your next lesson."