tampered | Log: Ongoing

For the most part her presence in this strange place hadn't bothered her. In many ways it wasn't that much different than her own world where she was trapped and unable to escape. She knew that it had to weigh on her brother so much more--after all, he wasn't used to being without control.

She moved along the buildings, clad in the school uniform that Utena was used to seeing her in--or at least her Utena was. Her face was a perfect mask of calm, not showing the turmoil of her thoughts.

Even so, a small tick reached her eyes as she walked. But only for a brief second. No one, but perhaps her brother, would have caught it.

She had the distinct feeling that this Utena was not her Utena. Why else would she ask to remove the honorific from her name whens he had never made any comment before. Yes, she knew it unnerved her Utena a little. Utena was so adamant about the Rose Bride being "a normal girl" that the inclusion of such an honorary title on her name had to cause some discomfort. And so she purposely used it, to make Utena's drive to be a Prince that much stronger. It was all a game after all. Anything to further the plan.

But she really didn't want to see this game come to completion. That was why she was somewhat relieved when she found her brother in this place. If he was here then he was not there, and the duel named Revolution could not come.

But if his primary pawn had also come to this place...

She couldn't think of any reason why he wouldn't want to continue the game. He certainly couldn't afford to lose ground by acting differently...

But if this wasn't the same Utena...

She raised her eyes slightly as she approached the fountain, scanning for the familiar figure.

It was only years of practice that kept her from faltering whens he saw her.

This was not the same Utena...

She had read the guides. She had stalked the network. She had watched and listened to other citizens in this place. She knew that alternate versions of the same person where wholly possible. Somewhat rare. But possible.

She calmly walked up, her hands clasped in front of her in the same polite act she had always displayed in this version of the game.

"Utena! I found you! Are you hungry?" She gave her usual, empty smile, waiting to see what would happen with this newcomer.

Utena immediately straightened, shoulders squaring as long arms dropped to her sides. Head canted to one side as she eyed the approaching girl with a bit of obvious skepticism written across her features. One hand lifted to her head, fingers closing around the bill of her page-boy cap to adjust it so that she could better take in this so-called Himemiya's appearance.

While her brain was screaming at her that this was not Himemiya ( for while she looked similar, she didn't look the same at all ), the vague hints of warmth in her chest told her something different. Then again, the uneasy feeling settling in the pit of her stomach made her nervous. If this was Himemiya.. something about her was very, very wrong.

This girl's voice was all wrong. Her eyes were all wrong. ( Since when did Himemiya wear glasses? ) Her smile was dead.

Blue eyes narrowed.

"You're not Himemiya."

At the girl's declaration, she had her suspicions confirmed. She wasn't sure what to do now. She had no direction from her brother as to what he would want from this incarnation.

But at the same time she didn't particularly care at the moment, which was why she made no attempt to contact him before she headed out to find her.

Her thumb brushed against her folded hand for a second in indecision. To play along? To reassure?

Or to simply say the truth?

The fake smile fell away slightly and she lowered her eyes, a hint of disappointment showing through her mask.

"Hai... And... you're not Utena-sama..."

She pointed toward the communicator the girl was holding.

"There... are guides to this place... that might clear up this confusion, at least a little... if you would let me."

Utena watched this Himemiya closely. Since this wasn't her Himemiya, she needed to discern the differences as quickly as possible. If she could do that, maybe she could prevent the massive headache she could feel coming on. If this wasn't her Himemiya.. then where was she? The prince felt her chest throb painfully as her fingers clenched around the device she'd found in her pocket upon arrival. She had been so close to setting Himemiya free. So close...

The sudden change in the other girl's demeanor hit Utena directly between the eyes. It wasn't something obvious, but Utena just knew something was off. Well.. beside the obvious..

"I uh..." her voice dropped in volume as she dropped her head to look at the equipment in her hand. After a moment, she lifted her eyes to look at Himemiya and extended the communicator. Her free hand rose to rub the short hair at the nape of her neck sheepishly. "Arigatou."

She took the device, forgoing any of the naivete that she would normally show. At this point she wanted to finish the meeting quickly. This was not her Utena. She could see the similarities, surely, but it was not her. It would be best to avoid her or give her brother ideas. She would pretend that she had not noticed the network post. Perhaps he wouldn't notice this Utena's presence. Foolish, she thought to herself. After all, End of the World always knew.

She pressed the buttons quickly, searching the network until she found one of the guides she had previously mentioned before handing the device back.

"This place is called the City. It is quite complicated, but there are several guides (http://dubia-lux.livejournal.com/22474.html) like this that go about explaining it--far better than I can."

She returned to her previous demure pose. Waiting.

Edited 2008-07-15 22:54 (UTC)

Utena nodded as she took it back. She quickly glanced over the screen in front of her before pocketing the small piece of equipment. Head turned to the side as she fought down the uneasy feeling growing in her stomach. She swallowed.

Even if this wasn't her Himemiya, it was her. She knew that. Though it made less sense than everything that had been happening to her lately, she knew it was true. There was something about her vaguely similar to how Himemiya had been when she'd first encountered her in the garden weeks ago. Less bright but no less... pained? Or... something... Utena couldn't put her finger on it. Leave it to Himemiya to confound her in all incarnations.

Without giving herself the opportunity to think about it, the much taller Utena took quick steps forward, closing the space between them and taking the other girl's hand. She had no idea what this girl's relationship was like with the Utena-sama of which she spoke. It was intriguing to say the least.

She never looked away from Himemiya's face.

"I'm sorry," she said, as fingers closed around a dark hand. "I didn't mean to be short with you before. I was just... This is all very weird."

Her eyes widened just slightly at the contact.

She, of course, was used to being touched. She didn't particularly care to be touched, but she was used to it.

It wasn't the action that surprised her, but the intimacy. She had, of course, held Utena's hand. It was a fairly common maneuver. They held hands nearly every night as they were going to sleep. It had started off as a mere show to continue luring Utena into that sense of friendship--as a show that Utena "was truly making a difference and helping Anthy". It was a charade--or it was supposed to be. A small tick found her brows, but only momentarily. She wasn't supposed to think like this. She wasn't supposed to think period.

She hesitantly closed her fingers over the slim digits that had taken her hand. It seemed odd to her that this Utena would do this--after she had seemed so cold at the prospect that she was not the person she was expecting.

"I..."

She didn't know what to do. It was odd not having a staged reaction to give.

Then don't stage it... As much as she tried to convince herself otherwise, her act had taken on a distinct shade of truth.

"It's alright," she said, looking up at the other girl and smiling--it was still the mask, but for a brief second a hint of true emotion touched the expression. "The City takes some getting used to."

Utena's expression immediately relaxed. The set of her shoulders became less tense, and an easy smile worked its way across her handsome features. She exhaled somewhat loudly.. sort of like releasing a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding. Her other hand rose to join in clasping Himemiya's hand, squeezing gently.

At least she wasn't alone in this insanity. It looked like she and Himemiya couldn't escape each other, no matter where they were. She tried not to think too hard on that subject. Utena had a feeling it was fairly heavy thoroughfare and required more introspection than she was willing to give at the moment. Still, she filed it away for future reference.

"Thanks!" she said, her voice sounding a bit lighter. "I uhm..." Dammit, why was she always so flustered around her? It did little to nothing for her image. ...Not that anyone here knew her image. Or cared. She tried really hard to suppress the faint dusting of pink she could feel rising across the bridge of her nose. "I'm sorry I'm not who you were expecting." Despite her intense embarrassment at getting flustered, she met Himemiya's eyes earnestly. "But I... I really am glad you're here."

Himemiya was Himemiya. Right?

She wasn't sure why this Utena was acting so flustered... And it was easily readable. Easily readable.

...

Perhaps... her alternate self acted as more than a friend to this Utena...

She tentatively placed her other hand on this Utena's as well.

She hadn't thought in that manner before. She hadn't been told to. And her Utena had never made such actions as to imply it. She wasn't quite sure what to think about the concept.

Then again, she wasn't used to thinking anything but vindictive hateful thoughts in the first place. Since this game had started she had been entering into new territory.

Or rather... exceptionally old territory. That she'd thought she'd forgotten.

At the girl's last comment a bit of cold passed through her.

I'm glad you're here.

You wouldn't be if you knew the truth... And because she did know the truth, she could not answer in truth. She did not want her Utena or any incarnation of her in this place. With her. With her brother.

Everything I touch turns to rot. The images of the recent nightmares she'd been having came to the back of her mind.

She was a dirty woman. She didn't deserve to be near purity.

Still...

"I'm... glad you're here as well... Utena."

At that her smile was bright and wide. "Hey! You called me Utena! Thanks!"

The hands around Himemiya's shook it in a rather excited fashion. Now that she'd gotten over her initial bit of unease, she was shoving it all away in an attempt to get something akin to normalcy. She would stop second guessing everything. Even if this wasn't the Himemiya she knew, she was still the girl in some way. Utena had vowed to care for her.. to be her friend.. to be her prince. She figured that applied to any and all situations.

"So, how is this place, Himemiya? Are you doing okay?"

"You're welcome." She gave a small nod. She had asked her to call her "Utena." She was the Rose Bride. She did as her engaged asked. Did her alternate not tell her this?

Or perhaps her alternate was not subject to the same rules...?

She smiled. It was a mask, but she wasn't used to displaying anything but the mask anymore. "It's alright. It can be dangerous, but it could be worse, ne?"

"It could be Ohtori," Utena answered promptly and with complete honesty.

She didn't know if this place was worse than Ohtori, but such a place was extremely hard to imagine. How could anything be worse than that bleak land of the dead? Utena was very glad to at least be somewhere that didn't look anything like the school, but at the same time she was a little wistful at the idea so many people had been left behind. Wakaba, Juri-san, Mickey... Himemiya.

The pink-haired prince released her princess' hand and promptly stuck both her hands in the pockets of her black-and-white uniform pants. She turned and looked around the immediate area curiously.

"Mm..." She took her hands back, folding them in front of her again.

Oh, it was worse than Ohtori. Far worse. There were others in charge of this place. And unlike her brother, whose actions and desires she had learned to read a long time ago, this place and its "deities" were unpredictable.

Utena turned and looked at Himemiya over her shoulder. Hands still in her pockets, a thin brow quirked as she looked the girl over. Her expression was slightly puzzled, but nothing as extreme as confusion. Finally, she turned and looked back at the violet-haired girl. Then she stepped closer, back into Himemiya's personal space.

Chin dropped just so she could meet her bespectacled eyes easier.

"You're quiet," she said easily, as if the idea was slightly surprising.. or unusual.

Even though they had just established each was glad to see the other, she grinned and grasped her bare forearm gently, squeezing briefly before returning her hand to her pocket. "What's wrong? Am I really that much of a disappointment compared to your Utena-sama?"

There had been a hint of playful mocking in her repetition of the name. After all, it did sound pretty ridiculous to her ears.

Her brows raised slightly. "I am?" She was always fairly quiet, wasn't she?

And then her eyes widened a little--could it have been embarrassment? Surely not. She didn't feel such innocent emotions. "No! Of course not, Utena. I'm... not very talkative in general... Am I?"

The notion that her other self seemed to have more freedom... it did intrigue her...

Utena paused to think for a moment or two. She thought back to every time she had been around Himemiya since meeting her and to every time she'd noticed her around the school. Lips pursed. Then once the thinking spell had passed, slim shoulders rose and fell in a shrugging motion. She continued to smile.

"Not in general, no," she replied easily. "We talk often though, and you seem to really enjoy making me-"

Then just as suddenly as she begin her small ramble, she stopped, again turning red at the bridge of her nose. She didn't look away from Himemiya, however.

She smiled then. A real smile. Followed by the smallest of laughs.

It was an alien feeling.

She chuckled from somewhere low in her throat. It was a bit uncomfortable at first, illustrating that she wasn't sure she liked being laughed at. Her hand went to the back of her neck, rubbing it in an illustration of her anxiety. Finally her eyes dropped to the ground.

"Mou, Himemiya..."

She wasn't sure what to do. But at the moment, she thought getting off the street might be a good idea. She didn't want to comment about living quarters, because that would cause her to bring up her brother. And at the moment, keeping each oblivious to the other was probably best.

"Are you hungry?"

Her expression righted itself, and she stood straight to her full height at the abrupt change of topic. Still, the idea of food had piqued her interest. Eyebrows rose as she shrugged. Hands went back to her pockets.

"I can always eat," she answered easily. Then she seemed to think better of keeping her hands in her pockets, and one slipped out to take one of Himemiya's hands. It was... nice. It felt normal. Normal was good.

She was honestly a little perplexed by Utena's actions--not unnerved, just perplexed.

"I have some money, we could get something to eat," she smiled again. "And you can get your bearings."

After a moment or two in which she went back and forth with herself, she squeezed Anthy's hand and then released it. For all that this girl was Himemiya, she wasn't at the same time. It was starting to make her head hurt, so Utena tried not to think about it too much.

Back in her neutral, hands-in-pockets pose, she turned away from the other girl and looked around.

"Sounds good, Himemiya!" Then a pause. "Ano... Which way?"

She stared at her now empty hand for a moment--just for a moment, before she folded her hands again.

She wasn't sure why this perplexed her so. But then... she wasn't sure about what either Utena caused in her.

Hope?

She moved forward, tentatively touching Utena's arm, just above her elbow.

"This way," she said, before continuing forward and folding her hands together again.

Off of the streets. Away from prying eyes.

But it probably didn't matter what she did. Her brother always knew somehow...

At the leading gesture, chin tipped down so that she could look at the smaller girl. Then she nodded and smiled at the back of Himemiya's head as she followed half a step behind and to the left. As they walked, Utena watched the dark-skinned girl with unhidden interest. Now that she wasn't face-to-face with this Himemiya, she felt less embarrassed about openly taking her in. It was a lot easier this way. She didn't feel flustered at all.

From what she could tell, the two were remarkably similar while managing to be entirely different. This Himemiya's skin was darker. On a whole she was thinner. She wore her hair up in an odd style Utena had never seen her Himemiya wear. Her demeanor was totally different while remaining just as enigmatic. Perhaps the most important similarity was, however, that Utena didn't feel like she could just walk away from the girl and be okay with it.

Then, completely out of the blue.

"Have you always worn glasses?"

She wasn't expecting that question. Questions, yes, but that was... just... not a question she expected.

And again it was only years of practice in keeping her mask in place that kept her from shuddering.

She turned to Utena, smiling. "Hai."

Of course that was a lie. But for the purposes of her act as this schoolgirl, it was true.

Utena blinked. Again she had that uneasy feeling, but she chalked it up to nerves and tried not to dwell on her eerily blank expression. Lower lip stuck out briefly as she shrugged and continued to walk.

"The Himemiya I know doesn't wear glasses," she said casually, not bothering to wonder whether this girl cared at all what her Himemiya was like. "She also wears her hair down all the time."

She idly pointed in the vicinity of the girl's head. "So this is a bit of a new look for me."

Still, she smiled.

"Oh, I see."

She wasn't sure what to say or think about that. Though it more than likely had to do with whatever role her alternate self was set to play.

She glanced at this Utena briefly.

"The Utena-sama from my world has long hair."

She wasn't sure why she shared that. It made little difference sharing the information.

"My hair gets long when I duel," Utena shared casually. "But I don't really understand why. It's more cumbersome and gets in the way. Then again... I never lost, so I guess it didn't really matter in the end."

"Mm."

To anyone else, perhaps that information would have seemed confusing. But not to her. The seemingly unexplainable was quite common in her world.

"Am I good at the duels in your world?" she asked, curiosity blatantly evident in the tone of her voice. A bit of excitement had crept upon her, and her lengthy strides increased in pace to place her on a more even plane with Himemiya.

As she thought about the duels, and the differences in her world and this Himemiya's, she withdrew back into herself a little bit. She hadn't even thought about it yet, but she just had to ask.

"Have you found your prince yet, Himemiya? In the duels?"

"Hai," she answered to her first question. "You are the current winner." This was a simple answer to give. One that went right along with the act she would keep up normally--to stroke the winner's ego. Then...

Then I'll become a prince! I'll become a prince and save her!

"I..."

The question shouldn't have made her falter. The answer should have been simple. 'Yes'. That was what she should have said.

But what made her pause wasn't that it was a lie...

But that on some level, no matter how foolish she knew it was, some small part of her felt like she had.

That was why she was on that tower after all, wasn't it?

"Y-yes, I have."

Ironic that she felt she had found her prince--and all she wanted to do was drive that prince away before she was drug down into the darkness by her would-be princess.

A girl who cannot become a princess has no other choice than to become a witch.

She was too old to be playing at such foolish games.

That piece of information lit something in Utena's eyes. An easy smile worked its way across her features as she looked down at the smaller girl. She skipped ahead of Himemiya a few paces and turned around, walking backwards so she could look at the girl. She didn't seem to care that she had no idea where she was going.

"Then you've left Ohtori, right? Utena-sama has taken you away, right?" She sounded excited again, blue eyes open wide. "I was on my way to take Himemiya away with me when I ended up here."

She stopped dead in her tracks, mild shock and horror showing in her eyes.

Leave the school... No. Not the school.

Her brother.

The very concept seemed absurd. She couldn't leave her brother. She just... couldn't...

It was her responsibility... It was her fault that he became what he did... She had no right to walk away...

"I..."

She couldn't find words. She didn't know what to say. This Utena planned to take the Rose Bride from End of the World?

Was that even possible?

Of course... her Utena had always rattled on about saving her from her fate--so once she learned that her brother orchestrated them... perhaps her Utena would try to do the same...

Her mind whirled. No. Utena being victorious was not in the realm of possibility. The Rose Bride's leaving was not either. End of the World would finish the game one way or another and try to take the Prince's sword from the final duelist. That was how it always went. And that duelist would potentially be hurt. Or killed.

There was no way of getting around End of the World's victory--other than preventing the final duel entirely.

She blinked at the present Utena. "I... I couldn't leave," she said, finally regaining her faculties. It was in the tone of someone stating a fact. As if the idea of leaving was absurd--and indeed it was.

Utena stopped walking, looking rather perplexed by the easily readable emotions flashing across Himemiya's face. Head cocked to one side, and pink bangs fell over one eye. Manicured brows drew together, lines furrowing between her eyes.

Then eyes widened, looking openly taken aback at the girl's words. Couldn't leave? That... No. No, no, no. God, did her Himemiya feel the same way? No way.

"Yes, you can," she said earnestly, stepping back into Himemiya's personal space. "Ohtori's not real. Guilt kept my Himemiya there. But now everyone knows what her brother did to her, and now she has me. You have me, too, and I think I know myself pretty well. You can leave, Himemiya. I swear it."

Her heart was pounding. She felt hot--clammy actually.

None of this was right. She wasn't supposed to act like this. She wasn't supposed to be able to feel this. What was it? What was it.

Panic.

How much did this Utena know? Had she seen... the way hers had...?

But she couldn't realize. Neither this one... nor hers. Neither realized the danger they put themselves in...

She couldn't be aware of the betrayal... was it just another part of her alternate's role? The plot?

She of course, couldn't know.

And at this point she wanted to flee. The words this Utena spoke were tearing at wounds she thought should be closed. And she didn't know how to react. It would be nothing to simply return to her brother now. She could say angry words. Make Utena angry so that she wouldn't follow. That was what she should do...

But she couldn't bring herself to... and so she continued to speak in disregard for what Utena had said.

"I can't... My suffering... it is my rightful punishment as the Rose Bride."

Edited 2008-07-18 06:29 (UTC)

Utena advanced on the smaller girl then, long fingers wrapping around thin shoulders and gripping firmly. It was very similar to the way she had confronted her own Himemiya in the garden all those weeks ago, but this time she kept her tempter in check.

It was frustrating... to see someone so beautiful in so much pain.

"No, Himemiya!"

What would she have to say? Would it be this difficult when she confronted this girl's counterpart? Would Himemiya leave with her?

"It's not right. It's not just. Any sins you have have been repaid over and over again by letting that bastard..." she trailed off as she thought about Himemiya's brother. Maybe this one lucked out. Maybe her brother wasn't a horrible excuse for a prince. "Anyway, he's dead, and you're free, right? Himemiya thought he was her prince, but he wasn't. He couldn't be. I am! I am, Himemiya, and you're my princess.. in any world. And I know I can save you!"

"Dead...?" No. Her brother wasn't dead. She wasn't even sure that he could die. The same as herself...

Those who could die were lucky.

Though... The grave of the Prince...

She shook her head slightly, her brows crinkling slightly. She moved to take a step back. "You don't understand..."

You don't understand... I don't Want her--you

Edited 2008-07-19 04:27 (UTC)

"Then make me understand, Himemiya!"

Frustration. God, why was Himemiya always so frustrating? Utena didn't understand her. At all. Which made the ache in her chest she had for the girl all the more maddening.

"If you don't..." her voice trailed off, the wind fully out of her sails. Pink head dropped, and she took a step backward before turning around again.

"You know what? Nevermind."

And then she was walking again, still not seeming to mind she had no idea where to go.

She stood frozen to the spot.

Anger.

Perhaps this was a good development. Let her walk away...

Let her walk away and pray that he hadn't noticed.

The Rose Bride's purpose is to take the swords of hatred in place of the Prince.

She lowered her eyes slightly.

Whether that Prince realizes it or not...

Log: Ongoing

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